Once again, special thanks to NamiChwan57 for his assistance!


So far, we haven't had any major run-ins with the other locals on our walk just yet. We got a few stares, obviously, but at the current moment they seemed content just going about their daily business. Thank evil for that. Still, I'm not letting my guard down for even a second, and neither was M-Bomb!

Speaking of which, while Spielberg was getting his B-roll footage, I decided to speak my mind with the kid. "Alright, I'll cut right to the chase: for as annoyed as I am about the peer pressure thing, I am somewhat proud of you for your use of dirty tactics. I've taught you well, evil apprentice…too well perhaps."

Megumin just giggled, then curtseyed at me while we walked, "Oh, why thank you, my great and evil Master. Do teach me all the ways to tie someone's shoelaces together! Or how to craft the ultimate spitball! Your wicked guidance knows no bounds!" She mocked, putting on an accent to really sell how she felt about the whole thing.

I just rolled with it and wiped an imaginary tear. "Peer pressure AND mocking your superior? Truly evil, young Padawan!"

"Ugh, it's no fun if you actually like the mocking. I think Dark might be rubbing off on you," She said with a smirk. "And I ain't no Padawan! I thought we all agreed I was the Death Star."

"Can't believe that's the one 'character' you liked most from those movies..." I mumbled, putting a hand on my face to contain the chuckling, "Wait. Yes I can, actually."

We both shared a little chuckle over that. Alas, all good things must come to an end. Or, wait, did I have that as all "bad" things must come to an end? I really ought to make a conversion table; this whole good vs. bad dichotomy thing I got going gets messy when it comes to expressions.

Anyway, one of the locals took an interest in us.

"Stars causing you death? Well, I have just the soapy product to solve THAT issue for you!"

I basically screamed at the sudden appearance of a saleswoman. Right up in both of our faces with a basket of soap was an elderly lady who seemed to brush off the concept of the Death Star far too easily in my opinion.

"Jesus, you old bat!" I croaked out, clutching my chest like my heart was gonna burst out of it. "Don't sneak up on me like that! I nearly made wee-wee…"

"He'll do it! His bladder's fully loaded and he's not afraid to use it!" Megumin joined in completely unnecessarily.

The creaky woman just stroked her chin, "Overactive bladder, eh? Sounds like something my husband has. Y'know, if you sign this witch doctor's note, I should be able to get you the same herbs he prescribed him."

"I'll sign it for you, Sir! I know how much you need to hold yourself in some days!" Spielberg announced eagerly.

"NO!"

With tiger-like reflexes that could give Omi a run for his money, Megumin grabbed the bot's wrist before he could reach out to grab what was most likely another one of those recruitment forms. Ignoring Spielberg's questioning beeps, Megumin glowered at the old hag.

"We're good, thanks, now leave. We're trying to sightsee in your city. You wouldn't want to interrupt something like that, would you?"

The old woman didn't even blink, just maintaining that smile while leaning in close to the half-pint.

"That depends, Dearie. Am I interrupting anything that wouldn't be improved with our finest soaps or luxury herbs? I believe the nice golem was about to sign. You wouldn't be interrupting holy work, hmmm?"

The fear this old woman was giving me was strong enough to override my anti-golem reflexes. I knew it was time to bolt. Something even Megumin agreed with me on when she looked to me with clear-as-day concern.

Time to enact Evil Escape Plan™ 803!

"Oh look! Prune Juice at a 50% discount!" I pointed at a nearby alley.

As soon as her eyes had left us, we were long gone.

"Keep your goddamn head down!" Megumin hissed as we speedwalked away and never looked back. "Gods, why does everyone in this town have to be such a freak!?"

"I know, right? Why did you want to come out here again?" I whispered, sticking close to the shadows for both stealth reasons and to avoid prolonged exposure to UV rays. "In fact, scratch that, better question: why were you even open to the idea of coming to this shithole in the first place?"

"Don't know. Maybe I gave Aqua more credit than is deserving. I'll have to correct that once we get home..."


Once we were sure we'd given the old lady the slip, Megumin, Spielberg, Chomusuke and I dared to step out into the open a little more. The rest of the locals didn't seem interested in us at the moment, so we tried to discreetly reintegrate ourselves back into public space.

These cultists, man…they're like lions or something; only dangerous when they're hungry or if you prod them. Maybe if we just don't engage with them, they'll leave us alone like they're doing right now – live and let live. Sounds reasonable enough…

Then again, members of Axis have so far proven to be anything but.

"So, uh…was there anything in particular you wanted to do on this walk anyway?" I awkwardly asked my partner, hoping to take my mind off the subject.

"Well, I was thinking about doing a little bit of shopping while we were going through the market square. But I think I'll hold off on that for now…"

That got me to raise an eyebrow. "What could these people possibly have that would make you interested in buying?"

"Clothes," Megumin answered matter-of-factly, looking me square in the eye. "I still need new dresses after I found out Darkness was stretching out all my old ones. Remember?"

I looked away sheepishly. "Honestly, I was trying to forget…"

Part of me was worried Megumin would suddenly hit me or call me a perv or something. Instead, I just heard her scoff and grumble to herself before going silent. Guess that conversation's good as dead.

…she doesn't suspect anything, does she? Besides that one incident way back when Darkness left to go do some training, Megumin hasn't gotten on my case about "you-know-what". Makes me paranoid she already has me figured out and just isn't saying anything. I may be the genius of the team, but she's still the second smartest, and at times the most perceptible even…

No, no, no, I'm overthinking again. She's probably just annoyed about her dresses getting ruined. It's not like I've necessarily done anything to incriminate my thoughts and feelings. We both just need something to calm ourselves down right now.

That's when I heard…"Violin?"

We stopped walking and trained our ears. Yup, that was definitely the sound of someone playing the violin alright. And it was coming down the corner of the street we were about to pass. Glancing at one another, silently asking ourselves if it was worth the risk, we cautiously neared the end of the corner to investigate.

A twenty-something-year-old guy with brown hair and glasses was in the middle of playing a jaunty tune on his violin to three other people that stopped to listen. The case for his instrument was laid out on the ground next to him and open for people to toss tips into. He even had a stand set up with sheet music and everything!

"Oh, a street musician! I gotta record this!" Spielberg beeped excitedly while aiming his camera. I tried to shush the bot so as to not draw attention to ourselves, but it was too late when the onlookers took notice of us. Though, thankfully, all they did was smile warmly before going back to watch the performance. In fact, the guy playing actually winked at me as he finished up his song with an energetic jump kick!

Damnit, why are the weird and/or crazy ones always the cutest?

The small audience clapped and, frankly, so did we (what can I say, it was a good performance). The man gave exaggerated bows all around as bills and coins were tossed into his violin case.

"Thank you! Thank you! You're all too kind!" He laughed. "Nothing really puts a spring in your step like some good music, eh?"

"I'll say! Play us another, mate!" One of the observers cheered, the rest voicing similar agreements as well.

"Hmmm, well, I don't know…oh, alright! What the heck! If you all insist!" The violinist hyped before suddenly turning to me. "Excuse me, sir, do you mind flipping over to the next page in my sheet music for me? I just need to count my earnings first. It'd be much appreciated~"

Now, when a cute, nerdy guy who rocks at violin asks you to help him with something regarding his art, you do it. Besides, after the negative first impression with some of the town's more "fanatic" residents, getting involved in a non-religious activity was a breath of fresh air.

Finally, something normal and relaxing was happening on this vacatio- -

"WAIT!"

I had only approached the stand when Megumin suddenly screamed at me. With my senses heightened and karate hands in motion, I spun around, nearly tripping over the now kneeling violinist as I demanded to know what was happening.

"Jack…" Megumin started nervously, taking a preemptive step back. "Don't you think it's weird that a street musician isn't taking requests or just freestyling?"

Come to think of it, a little, yeah. But, at the same time, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a reference like music…sheets…

When I looked back at the stand, I got a clearer look at what exactly was placed on it. Those weren't music sheets. Those were recruitment forms for the Axis Cult.

Gulping, my eyes quickly darted back down to the violinist kneeling at his case. From my position, I was able to peer inside at what I assumed was money. Well, the coins were real alright, but the paper bills? Recruitment forms folded up to look like currency.

"By the way, sir, no biggie if you don't have any cash to tip…" The violinist murmured, slowly rising up and turning around with wads of folded forms in his hands. "I also accept SIGNATURES TO JOIN THE AXIS CHURCH AS WELL!"

With the three other spectators locking eyes with me and creepily closing in, this looks like a job for Evil Escape Plan™ 59!

"Create Earth! Wind Breath!"

Taken from my first (and only) adventure with Dust's party, I employed the strategy of conjuring a small pile of dirt to blast into my enemies' faces using a basic wind spell. My real-life Sand Attack worked wonders on the goblins, humans should be just as vulnerable to it. I was proven right.

With the cultists busy blowing sediment out of their mouths and rubbing their eyes, we made our escape for the second time that day. Something in my gut told me this was about to become a running theme.

…damn unintentional puns.


After dodging large clusters of locals and taking shortcuts through some back alleys, we eventually found ourselves in a plaza of some sort. Ironically, there didn't seem to be too much foot traffic going on in what was supposed to be a huge public space. But we weren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

We took the momentary blind spot as a chance to catch our breath. Once we were sure we had some privacy, our gaze was naturally directed up towards the large marble statue in the middle of the plaza. It looked to be some random chick in a robe with a fancy scarf, kinda similar to the one Aqua wears sometimes.

"Huh. Wonder who that's supposed to be?" I questioned aloud in genuine curiosity. "She looks way too serene and peaceful to be associated with a place like this."

"Why, that's the alleged Goddess Aqua of this community," Answered a lone passerby. He wasn't dressed in the same Arabian-like clothes as all the other townies (just a simple dress shirt and pants with suspenders), so it might be another outsider like us. The innocent fool glanced up at the statue with misplaced pride. "A water goddess said to bless these people with prosperity on wonderful days such as this. I hear she always watches over the town, making sure its residents have the freshest water in all the kingdom."

"Yeah, when she's not getting hammered at the bar that is," Megumin mumbled, making me snort in agreement.

The man ignored us and continued. "Now, I may just be a humble traveler to this here city, but if I could worship a goddess as mighty fine as this one every day, I think I'd be doing pretty alright for myself. If only there was an official way to do that without coming off as an Axis fraud…"

Oh no. Both his logic and taste in deities has gotten worse. That can only mean one thing…

"Well lucky for you, I have the ticket to your salvation right here, totally random outsider!"

Cut to a new insanity. This time it was in the form of a slim, tan woman. Where do these maniacs keep crawling out of? I swear the area was clear just a minute ago!

"All you have to do is sign on the dotted line and you'll be able to officially praise the Goddess Aqua every day for the rest of your natural born life and then some!"

"No fooling? What a deal! You'd have to be crazy to reject an offer like that!"

The two looked at us expectedly. Like they were so sure they'd convinced us and were just waiting for the shoe to drop, or for a standing ovation.

We obviously weren't buying.

"Oi. You wanna worship her every day, don't ya? DON'T YA?!"

Welp…time for Evil Escape Plan™ A113: Movie Industry Edition!

"CameraBot! Spotlight Attack!"

With streamlined efficiency, Spielberg flew over to the two morons thinking they could convert us to their medieval Scientology mumbo jumbo. Before they could get another insane word in, my CameraBot opened up the flaps in his chest to reveal a high-powered spotlight used for stage sets and promptly flashed them with it.

"AH! My eyes!"

"It's too bright!"

"I can't see! I CAN'T SEE!"

"Is that Lady Aqua descending from the heavens!?"

Once they were properly stunned, we cheesed it outta there in one piece. Megumin even shot me an impressed smirk.

"Three saves in a row. You're on fire today, man."

"Thanks, M-Bomb. When it comes to running away from a bad situation, no one is my equal!"

The little wizard deadpanned. "And just like that, you ruined it…"


After many, many, MANY more instances of evading scheming zealots, we came to rest under a tree next to one of the many rivers here. Spielberg and Chomusuke were assigned to lookout duty, diligently observing the sidewalks for any threats to alert us to while we just sat down and watched the sparkling water with glazed eyes.

"Vacations are supposed to be about relieving stress, but I've never felt more high-strung in my life…" I mumbled to myself. "I mean, how the hell have we burned through 13 Evil Escape Plans™ in less than an hour?!"

Megumin was clutching her legs, trying to look as small as possible behind the tree to avoid the sights of those predatory cultists. "...no hot spring is worth this." She mumbled, shaking her head in time with her rocking motions. "Jack, you're evil, right? Can we explode it all? Just take the whole damn town down in one big column of fire?"

I considered the offer. "Evacuation after some bomb threats would be in order first, but then we may as well just take the place for ourselves. And that probably isn't the answer you were looking for."

"No." She huffed, "But I still feel the need to explode something."

"Okay, how about this: once I rule the world, I'll build a giant glass dome over this place to keep them all trapped. No one gets in, no one gets out. Aqua still gets to have her followers and they won't be able to annoy us ever again. I'll even send in food drones to keep them fed so she won't have my head over them starving to death. What do you think?"

"I think you've put too much thought into trapping an entire town," She replied before slowly standing back up. "But I'm not saying no."

"I'll take it," I sighed and joined her in standing. The coast was certainly clear now; nothing here but the four of us and the calm sounds of the river below. One could almost make the mistake of calling it "pleasant". If the horrid nightmares hiding around every corner didn't make me jump at the slightest sound.

In fact, I was so on edge, I screamed bloody murder when a rat scurried past us. I literally thought it was holding a tiny Axis sheet in its paws.

"I need a holiday for my holidaaaay!" I moaned in anguish.

"Every day's a holiday when you join the Axis faith!"

"AHHHHH!"

My girly shriek came out again as I spun around to clobber whoever said that. I managed to stop myself when I saw it was Alexis, covering her mouth to stifle her giggles.

"Apologies, master. My old sadism subroutines still haven't completely shut off yet."

"I am seriously regretting my decision to let you keep that in…" I grumbled, scratching the back of my head. "Anyway, hey Alexis. You seem to be doing fine with all these Axis freaks crawling out of the damn walls."

The ex-dominatrix shrugged. "It's easy when you just sign where they want you to."

Megumin and I gave her a very distraught look. "Oh no…we were too slow to save her! Oh god, the robomanity!"

"You don't have to sign your own name, dope," Alexis continued, making the two of us blink back at her. "They leave you alone even if you put any old BS on there. I've technically signed up thirty times now. Meet Gregory Walsh!" She smiled while presenting herself. "Beatrice Weaselton!" She posed again. "And don't forget, Peter Parker! The church has gotten some big numbers today, I tell ya."

My eyes widened at the reveal of this incredible new life hack Alexis shared with us. There's no way it could be that simple, could it? Well…like any good-bad scientist, I was about to test that theory.

It took me only a few seconds to scan the area for another one of the locals. They hadn't approached us yet but I could tell they were going to shove their religion down our throats eventually. I marched straight over to the shirtless man with the magenta afro, much to the protest of Megumin.

"Hey, bub!" I called out as I approached the large man. "You got a signup sheet? Just give it here and I'll save us both the time."

Like clockwork, he pulled a pen and paper out of his ass and offered it to me with a big smile. "But of course, good sir! You won't regret converting to the Axis Sect., I guarantee it!"

I ignored him as I wrote down the first thing that came to mind and handed it right back to him. After giving it a once over, he nodded enthusiastically.

"Thank you very much, Mike Oxmall! I'll be sure to have your name registered at our church right away! Enjoy our beautiful Alcanretia, Mike Oxmall!"

Oh. My. God.

"Me now, me now!" Megumin suddenly appeared next to me, swiping a sheet from the man who seemed to be surprised that his tactics were working for once. The wizard scribbled something down and promptly handed it back to him.

"Ah, such wonderful blessings to you as well, Amanda Hugenkiss! I shall sing your name to the heavens so that everyone will know how much I appreciate you, Amanda Hugenkiss!"

Slowly, Megumin and I turned to each other, faces still stunned that this even worked at all. But once the realization hit, we both shared two big evil grins.

We had a loooong day of payback ahead of us~


Been a while, huh?

Okay, so, before I go on about my excuses for being slow again, let me first get something straight. You may or may not have noticed that the last section of the last chapter was cut and moved over here as the beginning of this chapter. I had a challenging time coming up with new and original ideas for Axis scams on my own and felt what I had initially for this chapter wasn't enough. So, I decided to move the old lady scene here because Rule of Three. No more, no less.

Now my excuse for being absent, lol. Aside from big changes like a family member having a baby, I kinda took a break from Konosuba to be honest. The fandom's really annoyed me, to the point where I finally made the decision to not even bother with it anymore. If you don't agree with the popular opinion, you're not going to have a good time there. I suppose that's true for all fandoms, really, but still. After years of putting up with their crap, I felt I needed some space from the series as the more toxic fans left a bad taste in my mouth. I still like Konosuba and I am going to continue working on this fic, don't worry. I'm just going to try and avoid the fandom as a whole from now on and mainly stick to small, trusted groups when it comes to related topics.

Thank you to all those who have been with me since the beginning of this story. Without you guys, I wouldn't have twice the motivation the persevere if I was only making this for myself (even though, in a way, I still kind of am). And to the newcomers who've only recently subscribed to this coked up crossover, uh...hi, lol. Enjoying the new Megumin spinoff? I'll get to it myself when I'm in the right mood. Yar har.