Friends With the Voices Inside of My Head:
The crew was in a panic. Full on meltdown mode.
"Fuck she knows about our spying. She's going to kill us!" Boogie screeched, tears running down his face, ruining his smokey-eye.
"She left the little snail alive. That's a good sign right? Maybe the Professor's not as angry as we think," reasoned Compo. Oh who the fuck am I kidding? Anyone would be pissed in her shoes.
"How the hell is she even moving though? She should be knocked out for days!" Quincy shouted, fully grasping the extent of the injuries their fallen comrade sustained. That's an insane level of durability.
"Jam's a scientist. They often modify their body. We still don't know what she looks like. Who knows what she's done to herself," shrugged Bubblegum, thinking of cool things he'd add to himself if possible. A rocket launcher arm and laser eyes!
The crew was tormenting themselves into a frenzy, imagining ever more unpleasant scenarios in their head. Like what if she was stuck somewhere injured? Or worse plotting their demise with some evil chemical concoction.
The boot tapping rapidly increased its tempo, a major sign the head of the ship was losing his cool.
"Dive come here," Wire calmly spoke up, his deep baritone instantly calming. "Everyone else, put a lid on it, you're disturbing the Captain." Everyone froze, looking guiltily at their boss. Wire didn't talk often but when he did, no one ignored him. "We suspect she's in her lab. She likes you best, go check. See if she'll come out for you," he elaborated.
The biter saluted her crewmembers, scurrying down to the basement floor of the Punk.
"Heat go stand watch outside of the lab. I don't think the Professor would attack the munchkin, but just in case."
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Meanwhile Jam took this opportunity to run for it. She waited several minutes after she saw Pomp dash out with a horrified grimace on his face. He held a stack of paperwork in his hands that looked very familiar. Why does he have my notes? And what about them could have possibly scared him so bad? Whatever, now's my chance.
Stretching upwards, she slinked into the ventilation system and sank down to the bowels of the ship. She got lost a few times, not having traveled in there before, but it wasn't long before she made it to the bottom of the Punk. Peeking out of the duct she could see Kid's workshop.
So if I go back and make a left, I'll land in my laboratory. Success! She was excited up until she spotted a tiny transponder snail in the vents above her work space. For several seconds she just blankly stared at the poor creature, her ire rising to insurmountable levels. That is not what I think is?! These dead motherfuckers!
She began quaking in anger, causing the Den-Den Mushi to turn its head and faint at the sight of the gelatinous blob. Stretching an arm out, Jam seized the little snail before popping the vent open and jumping down to the floor. Hastily, she stuffed the poor fellow into a random pen drawer and got to work creating a mixture to assist in her recovery. I don't know how long I have till they notice I'm gone. Got to be fast.
She plugged the sink and filled it up water before adding several chemicals and nutrients. Satisfied with what she had done, she slipped in and let the warm water soothe her aching body, the nutrient bath revitalizing her. She disappeared into the murky depths, knowing that it was unlikely anyone would check dirty looking sink water for her.
Professor Inator's gelatinous form was similar in design to a single celled organism, simple and efficient. She was able to use her outer membrane to filter oxygen out of water, allowing her to breathe underwater. Two hours in here should do the trick. Then I'm going to murder this entire ship. These egregious wanker's never trusted us at all. Screw them!
Dive's nice and so is House. I'm sure not everyone knew about the monitoring, another voice piped up.
See Jam was split into different forms of herself, a consequence of a betrayal years ago. They were all pieces of Jam and they argued about how to best handle the situation. The personalities only let themselves be known when the madness crept in. Younger her was more emotional. Both kinder and crueler than her other selves. She was fire and brimstone, believing the pirate crew should pay with their lives for their insolence. We'll put a nasty mutating toxin in the vents and let them all suffer! Screw these twat waffles! That hulking asswipe needs to eat a bag of cheese dicks!
Professor Jam was calculated, taking a measured response to the infraction, in order to efficiently get what she wanted. She was incredibly cold though. Making that toxin takes time and valuable resources. Time they could use to take a counteroffensive. We could sink the ship as a farewell gift. Fighting would take too long and they'd be scrambling to stay afloat. Our escape would be easy.
Wise Jam believed in a softer approach. Giving the benefit of the doubt and only retaliating when absolutely necessary and after all relevant information had been analyzed. However, she was incredibly manipulative. We've regretted going nuclear before. And we do enjoy the company- its good for us.
Fuck good for us. We're better off alone. He was so quick to assume the worse of us just like everyone else. Why is it that when you're smart people always think you're tricking them in some way? It's not fair!
We could subjugate them. Mind control isn't out of the question. They were useful killing those marines. A simple program could have them bound to our whims, making our food, taking care of the normal day to day tasks while we focus on our science. It wouldn't even take long. Just a few slight tweaks of their natural personalities and they'd be happy little minions.
I want nothing to do with them. Just looking at their stupid faces pisses me off. Traitors have no business in my vicinity.
As if we would be good with minions. If that were the case we could have subjugated someone else by now. Or even built a robot army. But we know where that leads. A repeat of that disastrous mistake is unwarranted. We should hide and see what everyone thinks. Several looked on sadly at our fight with the ape. And the Captain is a reactive individual-not exactly the sharpest tool you know. The idiot couldn't even make up mind on how to feel. He was petting us for fuck's sake while pouting. But he seemed genuinely remorseful. We should investigate further before drawing a conclusion. Besides I am curious what we could do with his abilities. I know we are all looking forward tot he chaos a giant living magnet could create. And having people around lets us explore things we wouldn't think of. Muses have their place. These imbeciles are amazed at damn near anything. A freezer, a pasta machine, glue...it's not like we don't already control them to a degree. We saw how quickly they annihilated those filthy dogs of the World Government. Simpletons have their uses. And truthfully, they are the only crew that can say that. It would be shame to lose all this over one disagreement. I'm sure we can work something out, see how far with can milk those feelings of remorse.
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The professor's ever growing dark musings were interrupted by a high pitched voice. "Jam, are you in here?" Dive asked softly, looking around the lab for any sign of her friend. There was a combination of chemicals on the table, meaning the Professor had to be in here.
It figures she'd be the one to seek me out first, Jam thought, the twinges of madness ebbing away with the arrival of a familiar comforting voice.
"I know we messed up and its unfair of me to even ask, but don't go. Please," the blonde begged, walking slowly around the lab. Not seeing any sign of the jellied woman, she sighed. "Boss wasn't getting your notes for some reason and he freaked out. It's no excuse but it's what happened. Killer's making him apologize and I don't think you know how big of a deal that is."
From her spot in the sink, Jam seethed. Not receiving my notes? Was someone taking them? Because I pinned them to his stupid workshop door! And if you think an apology means jack shit to me, you're an even bigger dumbass than I thought! That's the least that insufferable beast could do!
Oblivious to Jam's tirade, the tiny woman continued, "The captain's not so good with words when he makes a mistake. Getting a sorry out of him is like pulling teeth from a crocodile. He's stubborn. But he does show he feels bad for what he did with actions. He'll make it up to you somehow." Kid is rough around the edges but he's a great leader. He'll fix this.
Jam sincerely doubted that. As if that rat bastard could redeem himself.
Looking down at the floor and shuffling her feet guiltily, the younger woman continued, "I know we shouldn't have watched you like that. But you're so powerful! It's hard for our more cautious members to trust you. When it was my turn to watch you, I chose to hang out with you instead. I even volunteered for extra shifts and just made myself comfy in your lab. I knew you weren't dangerous to us. I never felt unsafe. I told the guys this was pointless and it they wanted to know what you were working on, all they had to do was ask."
Smiling at the thought, the bubbly blonde rambled, "You're a really good dancer by the way. You have nothing to be embarrassed about," she teased, trying to lighten the somber mood. When the lab was this quiet, it had a sinister aura about it.
Who said I was embarrassed? Jam asked, indignant at the very statement. In truth she never thought about them seeing her get her groove on. She just didn't liked to be spied on. It was a gross violation of her trust.
The silence was unnerving, forcing something out that the blonde would never confess otherwise. "Most of the guys treat me like a child, dismissing me. It's rough. You don't belittle me like that. Stay," the usually bubbly woman pleaded. The other ladies act like I'm a baby and not fully grown even though I'm twenty-one.
Internally, the Professor sighed. As it was she used up what little strength she amassed to travel down here and prepare her bath. There was no more energy left to move and comfort the blonde. Not that she deserved it. But Jam felt the strings of her heart tug when the quiet sobs broke out.
"I'm no leaving till you tell me to," Dive pouted, crossing her arms and throwing herself into a rolling chair.
Stubborn fool. You'll be waiting for quite some time.
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It had been only thirty minutes when the redheaded jackass barged his way in, Killer coming up behind him. "She still hiding out?"
"I can't find her anywhere but I know she's here," the blonde asserted, still sniffling slightly.
Kid huffed. So crying didn't get you out, huh you cunt? "Feh, listen I know you can hear me and I'm only saying it once: I MAY have acted rashly. In my defense I hadn't gotten your notes. Next time don't sneak crap in people's food. Just tell us," the captain ordered, his voice booming across the lab.
The first-mate of the ship hissed a single word to let his feelings be known, "Kid." That was the worse apology I ever heard.
Kid got the message by the growl in his partner's voice. "Fuck," he swore under his breath. For a moment he stalled, shifting from side to side. "I'm sorry you looked guilty as hell," he mumbled quickly, causing the two blondes to smack themselves in the forehead, exasperated with his antics.
Jam was torn between laughing and punching that sorry sack of shit in his big mouth. What kind of apology was that? Maybe Dive was serious and he really can't express his contrition in words. What a prideful dumbass.
When no gelatinous blob emerged, Kid pointed and exclaimed, "See apologies are meaningless. It didn't change shit! Just made me feel sick. Blegh," the tall man pulled a face, dramatic as ever.
After several moments passed, the Captain grinned nastily, "We're doing it my way now! Midget, if you don't come out now, I'm going start fucking around with all your chemicals and shit," he threatened, opening a random cabinet and peering nosily inside. Just some empty vials. How boring.
Jam heard the clinking of glass and got apprehensive. This Neanderthal will blow us all sky high. Shit I still can't move very well. And I am not a midget you giant shit-faced cockmaster!
"Kid we are not touching chemicals that could do any number of things to us," the masked man reprimanded.
Hooray for the furball. Thankfully, he has common sense.
The redhead side-eyed his second in command. "I'm not stupid it was a bluff. Figured she'd come out swinging if I insulted her and threatened to fuck with her crap," he whispered. Give me some credit you dildo.
After a full minute of silence, the large redhead pouted, "Fine then, be that way. Since Killer's being a chicken-shit-," he was interrupted by a smack to the back of his head.
"Kid she may be weakened and too afraid to come out. That or she may have come here and then hidden someplace else to lick her wounds," the long haired man concluded, annoyed at his younger friend.
Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, he replied, "Alright, we'll scour Vicky inch by inch till we find her. Dive you stay here in case she comes back," the Captain ordered, needing to keep himself busy.
"Aye aye Captain."
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Crewmembers were searching high and low for the little gremlin, shouting her name and beseeching her to come out. That they were sorry, the Captain was sorry, it was just a big misunderstanding...
These fucking losers. How pathetic. They sound like crybabies. And fatface-assface is about as sorry as I am tall. I've seen toddlers offer a more heartfelt apology.
House had joined Dive, bringing down the professor's things and the crystals she made. Jam was sure she saw Heat pacing in the hallway. Good they should be worried. I could have killed Dive easily.
"Um Jam if you're here, everyone is sorry. They're pleading for you come out all over the ship," the calm woman said softly. Why can't one of them act like a grown-up?
I know, she moaned, having improved her hearing to superhuman levels years ago. Normally she kept her hood up, blocking out all the unnecessary, distracting noise. But when she needed to, Jam would drop it, giving her the ability to hear over long distances. It helped her find elusive targets and spy on the marines. But now all I can hear is these idiots weeping. Ugh! She sank further down, letting the water muffle the noise. She could still hear the conversation of two nearby.
"I brought your things, didn't even look though them. Oh and I used your gloves to turn those marines into crystals for you."
At least someone has enough brain cells to be useful. And keep out of my lab coat, I have dangerous devices stored in there. It's good you neglected to snoop or someone would be peeling your remains off the wall.
The two small women started telling her about previous betrayals their captain faced, explaining why the man was so sure he had been deceived. The poor sod had some shitty luck. Jam was ready to bash her head against the nearest hard surface. Quit making me feel bad!
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By now, it was mid afternoon and everyone had gotten a chance to read the reports left behind. The things the Professor was working on were amazing. And the questions about Kid's powers showed she wanted to help him develop new techniques. They could not let a valuable asset slip through their greedy fingers.
"Look whoever stole these needs to come clean. Because this whole mess is their fault. Jam got injured and now she is hiding either in fear of her safety or because she's plotting revenge," Forte ordered, his displeasure showing. This whole fucking day has been a waste.
"My money is on the latter. She's not your typical opponent. The real danger lies with her intelligence. We have no idea what nasty shit she picked up from her lab and we have no way to combat it either," Whitney explained. I am not becoming some science experiment. I'm too talented for that.
Everyone scanned the room with uneasy eyes.
"Sacrifice yourself and plead for forgiveness. She seems the type to enjoy groveling," Emma pointed out. Ooh I'd beg for it...
Agreeing with that sentiment, Thrill added, "In my comic books, Mad-Scientists always like it when you beg for mercy."
"You comparing her to comic book villain?" Dick J deadpanned. This dorky ass mofo.
"Well she's definitely dramatic enough," the nerdy man grumbled.
"The potato-gremlin might kill whoever admits to this shit. Are we good with losing one of us?" Hop asked, worried for her sister. Please Hip. Please don't let it be you.
"We can beg too," Jaguar offered.
"She likes Dive and House. She works with Quincy and Pomp. And she's always polite to Skillet and Heat. I've even seen her joke with Bubblegum a few times when he brings her food. We'll have those guys plead hardest," Mosh said, smacking his fist into his other palm.
"I'll make snacks, Jam likes those!" Skillet volunteered, cooking being a self-soothing activity for the nervous man.
"Idiot snacks aren't going to save us," UK bit out, hitting the green haired man over his head.
"Actually have you seen her eat? She chews neatly but she put away three full plates of pasta last night. For a tiny woman, that's a lot. Jam clearly likes food," Moai replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Maybe the smell of some food will get her to come out.
Skillet nodded, grabbing Hip and heading to the stove. "Come on, snacks will calm the Boss too," the pastry chef smiled.
I don't want to make HER snacks! Hip frowned.
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Slowly the scientist was able to move properly. I'm pretty much healed up now. Still low on energy reserves, so it would behoove me to lie low, but dammit, I can't take their damn blubbering. It's like back home when my shitty baby brothers whine and cry after they piss me off and have to suffer the consequences of my wrath. Drives me batshit! Only now mom's not here to beg me to forgive the buffoon's...wait a damn minute, that's what House is doing! It's just like home! She screeched, letting out incomprehensible garbles of rage.
By now she heard of how some idiot stole the notes she made for the Captain. Why? No one knew. Who? They didn't know for sure, but were afraid to tell her their hunches incase she tried to kill the moron. Which is a very valid point. Could probably dust for fingerprints...
They had begged for forgiveness saying it was just fear that led to the spying. I mean she took them out and traumatized them thinking she had killed everyone. Oops...
And when they realized that this endeavor was pointless they had to continue least the risk the wrath of Killer. Wrath of the killer floof...But truthfully, the crew barely paid their scientist any mind, blowing off the unnecessary work of spying. The short duo had decided to go hang with Jam instead of watching her. The two ladies carefully left out how much their Boss liked to watch Jam dance, often kicking everyone out so he could enjoy her performance in peace. He was a pervert, but they weren't going to rat him out. Plus it might make her angrier.
Sighing, Professor Inator made a decision. She lifted a small tendril and waved it around. Dive, ever a vigilant scout, spotted the movement almost instantly. "JAM!" she squealed, jumping up and running to the sink.
House let out a deep sigh of relief. She's here. Thank-goodness.
"I knew you wouldn't abandon us!" Dive hugged the offered limb.
The tendril sank back into the muck, intent of healing completely. I need about fifteen more minutes to be ready in the event of round two.
"I'm going to go tell everyone you're ok," House sighed, ready to end this horrid day.
A jellied hand shot up and motioned a no.
"Why not? Everyone is worried," the slightly taller woman asked with her hands on her hips. No don't you be belligerent like the captain. Please. I'm tired.
Jam formed a thumbs-up and then flipped them off.
"Good. Fuck them?" Dive ventured, snickering to herself.
The hand signaled a yes, before dropping back down.
"Jam that's not how we handle things here. Everyone is in a bad state right now. We get attached quickly," she muttered, her face flushed. Childish as hell the both of them!
The blob held up five fingers. "Ok, five more minutes. Guess you need a moment to compose yourself."
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The captain was getting restless. No one had seen one sticky trace of the shrimp. Tapping his foot in a huff, he reached for his tankard, chugging down some ale. We looked everywhere. Did she escape? She'll die in the ocean in her condition. God-dammit!
Taking in a large calming breath, he rationalized his thoughts. No her energy signal is there albeit faintly, all her stuff is here. She couldn't leave without her things.
House entered the gallery with a pleased and relaxed expression. Right before he yelled at her to 'Wipe that stupid smirk off yer damn face!' she shouted, "We found Jam!"
His relief was instantaneous. She hadn't just deserted them. And so far she hadn't hurt anyone. He just had to put on the charm and calm her down. The crew sighed, glad for the reprieve. Any longer and their captain might have lost it.
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Kid took Killer and followed House down to the lab. The jellied midget was sitting on her examination table, next to Dive. Spotting her lab coat and boots on the table as well, Kid came to a dawning realization, one he was surprised he didn't grasp sooner. "You're naked aren't you?" he delightfully inquired. That means she was naked in the med-bay!
A purple appendage shot out and slapped him across his face. This dirty jackass! That's the first thing you say to me!
The tall redhead smirked, too excited to get angry. Besides she was still weak, so the slap lacked her usual strength. "Covered from head to toe on the regular, but you fight buck-ass naked. Make sense you crazy cunt."
The blob marched right up to him and stretched so that she was eye level with him. It's not like my amorphous form has specific body part locations. You're so gross!
The leader of the pirates slapped his knee, his eyes full of mirth. "If you turned yourself into a jelly monster just so you can be taller, I'm going to die," he smiled widely, his glee overtaking his face.
Jam bounced up and down, hopping mad. You'll die regardless you loser! Tick marks decorated the space were her face would be. You are such a dick Eustass Kid!
Killer scratched his mask, feeling awkward with the topic of conversation, "Are you stuck that way or something. Can't you change back?"
A jellied arm reached into a drawer and pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper. "I heal faster in this form," she wrote.
Kid studied the bouncing blob for a second. "Her presence is almost at normal levels. I knew she was fine," the captain asserted. "Look what's done is done. No use crying over spilled ale-" he flippantly began.
Faster than anyone could react, the scientist dashed into the vent, keeping her hold on the pen and paper she had. All this is nothing to you! You're pretending like everything is all peachy. I was willing to hear you out and this is how you act? Fuck you, Used-Ass Kid!
"Kid you have the tact of a rusty cannon. All you did was stick your foot in your mouth and make her angry," scolded his right hand man.
"How the fuck did I do that? I barely said anything!"
"Boss you could write a book, How to Piss Off People in Ten Syllables or Less," teased the bubbly blonde.
The masked soldier snorted, delving into lecture mode. "You implied that this entire ordeal was nothing and she should just get over it. The professor used some advanced science to heal faster, but we know those injuries of hers hurt like hell. Your punches are deadly and she tanked one at full rage-fueled force. Just because she is fine now doesn't make her suffering inconsequential."
"I didn't mean it like that. Quit putting words in my mouth!" Kid retorted with a snarl.
"That's how she interpreted it," House added with a groan. Boss you insulted her the second you saw her. And pointed out she was naked. Only you would make that connection. You keep insulting her, like some little boy with a first crush.
"Fucking crybaby," their leader pouted, crossing his arms across his muscular chest.
Killer's electric blue eyes twitched, wondering if his partner realized how hypocritical he sounded. Pot meet kettle. Hmm, a kettle has a pour spout, like a dick. Kid's the kettle, the Professor the pot...more like the kettle needs to fuck the pot, he silently chuckled.
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Without the author's notes-approximately 4300 words. Not too bad.
Slowly but surely you'll see Jam for who she is. There are a lot of mad scientists but few of them feel truly mad. I want her to be all over the damn place. I'd reveal more but I don't want the focus to be solely on her. So everyone gets little snippets of their personality peaking out. It's fun!
Kid loves to trash talk. He can't help himself when it comes to Jam; she's a worthy shit-talking opponent.
Was watching some Youtube clips, and people pointed out that Kid does not properly make use of his fruit. Fair point but that's on Oda. Oda just wants to make big metal robots. That's why I believe he doesn't fully utilize Kid's Electromagnetic abilities. Plus then he'd be OP. Like Kid should be able to redirect Big Mom's lightening and use it for himself. He should be able to make impenetrable force fields. He can fly. He flies on punk rotten. But I think Oda is trying to do him differently than other magnet users. It kinds nerfs him though and I hate it. And no one is in awe of his robots unlike Franky's and his are way cooler. No hate on Franky though. I love the big ham. Just isn't very fair. I think the guys don't because the hell if they'll admit he's cool. Could you imagine Law or Luffy calling him awesome? Hehe. I just wish people would stop calling Kid stupid.
Spoilers for 1088:
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It's another marine chapter. Boo! I just don't really care for Koby or Helmeppo. So bust of a chapter. And damn Oda leaving the fate of Garp up in the air. I need clear alive or dead status sir. Status: unknown equals bullshit.
Why I'm not a fan of the pink haired marine: Koby knows Hancock is an ally of Luffy (he was at MarineFord), but he still goes to arrest her and low key threatened the safety of her island. While the Snake-Princess isn't one of my favorite people (she kicked a kitty and the age gap thing with Luffy is weird), I respect the strength it took to survive and later flourish after being a slave. Now I wonder if this will be a plot-point. Luffy has many allies but not all of them will be ok with one another. Clearly Koby won't extend the same courtesy he gives Luffy to his other pirate allies. If one ally dies as a result of another, is the one alive still considered an ally of Luffy by the rubber man's standards? But in two weeks we're back on Egghead? Ah I can't wait. Boo break week!
