Under His Skin, Under Her Microscope:

Jam slithered down the stairs, heading back to her lab. When Dive made to follow her, a large hard shot up and made a stopping motion. I require a moment to myself.

She got her paper out and wrote give me fifteen minutes. "I need to transform back and I won't do that with an audience."

Dive blushed and nodded, turning around. "She's gotta go change." Guess no peeking for me.

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A normally dressed Professor made it back to the deck. She was tired as hell, so just in case, she loaded her gloves with something extra destructive if necessary. I'm not taking any chances. That numskull is unpredictable.

Heavy footfalls rushed up on her, a large shadow looming over her petite form in a flash. "I don't appreciate being fucked with," the tall redhead hissed, his amber eyes narrowed to slits.

Jam crossed her arms over her chest. "And I don't like cheap shots. What's done is done, no use crying over spilled ale, huh Captain?" she taunted, causing Kid to grind his teeth, ticked off by her sarcasm.

"Mouthy bitch."

"Inarticulate barbarian."

"Psychotic cunt."

"Hotheaded asshole!"

"Tiny gremlin!"

"Colossal twat-waffle!"

"I have to bend down just to be eye level with you!" he said, crouching at his knees and shoving his forehead against the petite woman's.

His ridiculous antics ticked Jam off. "Good your stupid face is in striking range!"

"Ah-ha so you admit you're a shorty!"

"No shit you soulless-ginger clown!"

The jibe had Kid seething, forcing Killer to step in, grabbing his partner by the arm. "Why didn't you explain yourself to someone?" the blonde asked.

Brown eyes narrowed in anger. "I would have told the Bastard but he's been hiding for days now. Every time I try to find him, poof! No captain," Jam shouted, throwing her hands up over her head.

"You can report to Killer," Kid huffed.

The small woman balled her fists by her side. "I didn't join because of the masked fuzz. I joined because of you. And while Killer's very clever, he doesn't have the type of intelligence I need. He's smart in things like history, reading comprehension, cooking, music, the artsy kind of intelligence. I need someone good at math, at building, at spatial recognition-you! There's no point in trying to explain my work to him. Do you have any success in telling him about engines and stuff?"

"Well no. He nods, but never at the right time. I can tell when he's lost. It's funny," Kid admitted, shooting a boyish grin at his best friend. It hilarious when he's lost. He gets so pissed off.

"Exactly. Killer and math don't mix," the scientist concluded, having tried to explain a chemical equation to the man before. Killer was surly, sore the two were talking like he wasn't there.

"So how come Bubblegum, who is dumber than Killer, can follow along just fine?" asked the tall redhead.

"That's because Bubblegum is good with numbers. He handles the money so his mind works likes yours does."

"Oh."

"Yeah oh, you big brute."

It was silent for a minute.

Putting on his authoritative voice, Kid commanded, "You can't just go around doing whatever you please."

"I made you guys immune to my top chemicals so that everyone would be safe should a situation get out of hand. Quit acting like I poisoned you," Jam snorted. Look at him slipping on his big boy pantaloons and acting serious.

"Something that important is a topic you need to discuss with me directly."

"Haven't you been listening? I tired. You ran. And I still don't know why." And not knowing anything bothers the shit outta me.

"I was NOT running. There were other more important things on my mind. Captain things, you wouldn't understand," he teased, proud of himself for his smooth comeback.

One eyebrow rose in contempt and mockery of the man. "As if anything you do is beyond my comprehension," Jam hissed.

The two stared each other down, neither willingly to concede. "Next time if for whatever reason you can't get hold of me, tell Killer it's of utmost importance," the notorious pirate ordered.

She sighed but nodded in acceptance. "Fine, I'll go through your girlfriend when you're busy being Captain shithead." Those two asshats are tied at the hip.

Think of the benefits. Don't acknowledge the girlfriend comment. Killer thought, his fingers gripping his gauntlets. Kid glowered, but let the insult slide. Today had been long.

The room was still tense, making the little woman shuffle her feet. "So you'd probably be mad I collected DNA samples of the crew," she muttered, placing her hands behind her back, sheepishly. Faces were dumbfounded. She WHAT?!

"How the fuck did you manage that?" Killer exclaimed, his eyebrows vanishing into his fluffy bangs. What was she hoping to discover?

"For starters you shed like a cat," she explained with a roll of her eyes. "All I did though was walk behind everybody and pull out a hair or two. Nobody pays any attention to little ole' me," Jam said, shrugging her shoulders. I made a fun game out of it.

"I would notice someone coming up behind me and yanking out a hair. Besides how did your munchkin ass even reach the top of my head?" Kid snorted, frowning.

Professor Inator placed her hands on her hips and scoffed, "You were the easiest, Mr. I Have No Concept of Personal Space. You kept leaning directly on top of me with your heavy ass self that day we worked together in your workshop."

Kid blushed as deeply as his maroon coat, his crew giving him knowing looks. "It was easier to work like that. You're so small you get fit in between me and the workbench." She noticed?! Fuck but she didn't say anything. What the hell does that mean?

Before she could tease the redhead further, Killer interrupted, "When did you do this?" Don't need these two going at it again.

"Two days ago. I study DNA. Since most of you are from the same island, I sought to see what type of genetics I was dealing with. I catalogue that kind of data. Did you know you guys remove your bandages often because of a skin allergy? I'm working on a hypoallergenic gauze right now, just need to get some supplies when we dock." Found out a bunch of other stuff too...

"Gauze?" That can't be the only reason...Wire thought.

"Yeah gonna need aloe and conforming cotton muslin. And some other plants for particular extracts." A sea of confused faces greeted her, forcing Jam to further explain her reasoning. "When I was building the power adaptor with the captain, I noticed he kept altering his mechanical arm lightly and scratching at where it connected to his flesh. Figured it was a skin sensitivity, but knew the thin-skinned dickhead would balk and sulk if I even suggested it. To test my hypothesis, I asked Quincy if she had trouble keeping you lot in bandages. She and Pomp went on a mad rave about how often you guys remove dressings, reopening wounds. They were up in arms over it. Both then told me how difficult it is to get most of the crew to take any kind of medicine or stay in the medical bay to properly recover. That's why I slipped that antidote in the coffee by the way. I also offered to make them a really potent sedative for difficult patients."

Kid was floored. She studied our DNA? What is the gremlin up to? Shorty noticed how my stupid nub bothers me. How it gets itchy and inflamed. And she's making some type of specialized bandage in response. It's like he couldn't be mad her despite how invasive her actions were. Part of him believed she did it on purpose. If only he knew how right he was.

Joplin stomped her foot, angrily pointing at the little woman. "That! That's why it's hard to trust you! You know everything about us, reading those marine reports and then studying us like animals and we know zilch about you!" It's why I stole those notes. You untrustworthy piece of crap!

The gremlin hummed thoughtfully, pondering the other pirate's outburst. It the first time that one has ever spoken to me. So I'm hard to trust, am I? It's not like you've put any effort into getting to know me, you rude bitch. "Well what do you want to know?"

"I don't fucking know. Just anything. Everything," the woman grumbled, throwing her hands into the air, exasperated.

"Well that's vague as shit, you asshole," the petite woman sneered.

"Ladies night. Like you did with Dive and House, but with all of us. We can talk then," said Hop, crossing her arms across her chest. If the professor's staying, we need to get to know her better. The only reason I think she didn't sink us was she likes Dive and House.

The men looked on ominously, wondering what the ladies were up to. Some of them thought it unfair but they knew the pitfalls of getting in Hop's way. She was scary on a good day.

"Sure but not tonight. I'm tired," the scientist complained.

The tall slender woman sighed. "Tomorrow we will be arriving at port. Everyone will be preoccupied. Depending on the greeting we get when we arrive we may be busy the entire span of our visit. I'll get back to you then on the details."

"Fine by me," the small woman replied airily.

Kid tuned his subordinates out, processing what Jam said. She helps whoever comes to her. You just gotta talk to the little gremlin and bam, a solution to your problems. "Woman how many things have you been working on?"

Vaulting from one emotion to the next, the scientist beamed, happy to discuss her scientific ventures. "I've got over twenty-six projects in the works. I get bored. Kinda out of materials to work with though," she finished with a pout, her mood ever changing. Well bored and I know how easy it is to get what I want in exchange. I would rather spend all day inventing a new gauze then do any the crap the others guys do. Eugh work…

"That's crazy. How?" Bubblegum asked flabbergasted.

"Until today I wasn't worried about being attacked. So I could focus all my efforts on my science. I've been getting a lot done."

"Why?" questioned Reck, curious why anyone would want to work constantly.

"I want to understand all that I can. I just like to invent and discover things. I don't really care what," the professor admitted. "I mean some research has greater utility than other research, but new things are always a plus."

Question marks danced over her crew heads, making the petite inventor awkwardly continue. "I like to live comfortably, unrestrained by my environment. You wanna know how I came up with my dehydrator? I craved raisins during winter, except the sunlight and moisture levels in the air weren't optimal to properly dry out the grapes. But fuck all if I was going to be dependent on the damn sun. I want something, I'm going to have that something, end of discussion." Is it really so hard to understand I like what I do? They work hard at being pirates, all the training and whatnot; what's the difference?

"Kinda bratty ain't ya?" Kid said, provoking the small woman.

"No I'm resourceful. Bratty would mean I expected someone else to handle my problems. I took care of shit myself," she defended, with a glare.

"Fair enough. But shouldn't you focus on more important things?" Wire asked.

"What's the point of my intelligence if I don't make whatever I feel like? I designed that freezer because guess what I love to eat too. And while I don't have any skin allergies, you guys do and why make you suffer if I can fix it?" Plus it will keep the grouch from being as petulant.

The pirates were speechless by her rationale. No one really helped them just because they could.

Jam's been inventing for years, she's had to come across tons of other crews. Anyone could have had her, their own personal scientist, and all they had to do was not betray her and let her invent in peace. All on her own she comes up with useful shit. Dammit, Kid thought feeling a bit guilty for his actions, unconsciously tucking himself into his coat. If she just quit with her shitty remarks…

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Dinner had been exceptionally quiet, Jam eating quickly and retiring to bed. I need sleep. As soon as she left, the crew rounded on their boss.

He raised his flesh hand in surrender. "I know. Drop it," he bit out.

"We're lucky all she wanted was an apology," Killer admonished, from his place at the stove, frying up some pork cutlet.

"You don't think she still wants the thief's head?" Gig asked softly, worried for everyone.

"Probably not. She was messing with Master Kid again," Heat explained exhaling slowly. She fights fire with fire, a dangerous combination with our leader.

"Stupid rotten cunt. Foul shortstack," the tall pale man growled, thinking of how he pissed he was at her for embarrassing him.

"Boss, you did try and kill her," Quincy sweat-dropped. All in all she was much more reasonable than I thought she'd be. We probably have House to thank for that.

Kid slammed his steel fist down on the table. "I thought she killed you guys!"

Their leader's outburst threw a gloomy cloud over everyone. They too had assumed the worse initially.

Looking around and observing the melancholy atmosphere, Joplin snorted. "That cunt is up to some shit with that DNA crap," the pinkette hissed. Forks and knives clattered at her words, the mood souring further. Even Kid stopped eating.

"What like dissecting us and studying our weak points for the best way to take us down?" Heat asked morbidly.

Dive pouted, glaring at Joplin. "Its not like she can't already beat us. Jam just let us know she could sink the ship with ease." Oh you are so jealous. Quit making stuff worse with your big mouth.

"Then what's her angle? Just being helpful?" asked Hip with skepticism.

"Examining things is just what scientists do. Quit being all weird. It the Professor wanted us to suffer, she'd have done that shit already," Bubblegum sighed, lazily eating a bite of fried fish.

Before things went downhill, Emma decided to lighten the mood. "So what's this we hear of you being Mr. No Concept of Person Space?" The other crew members clamped their mouths shut, eager to hear how their boss wiggled his way out of this one.

"Fuck off Emma," the captain hissed, his face flushing slightly. I thought they forgot about that...

But the young woman wasn't done with her taunting. "You had to be really up on her for that shorty to reach your head. What too focused on her rump to notice what the professor was up to?" she snickered.

Kid cocked his head, glaring at the woman, who cheeky demeanor was irking him. "She managed to get hair from all of us. Even Wire and he wears a cape and cowl over his hair. She's a sneaky shit-stain and that's all there is to it. Now shut-up." So what I like her ass, I'm an ass man. That's my business.

The crew knew better than to push when their Boss began shoveling food in his mouth to avoid conversation. Dinner was a quiet affair once more.

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The men's quarters were split into two large rooms with some members having private cabins. The guys, minus their captain and first-mate huddled up in the larger room.

"I thought Boss was crazy for liking a woman who he hasn't seen properly. But I get it now," Boogie nodded, grabbing a tankard.

"The way she talks to him," Forte snickered, enjoying the show those two put on.

"Jesus fucking Christ," stammered Disc J.

"That soft feminine voice," Heat whispered, reaching for a bottle of rum.

"The innuendo," Thrill said with wide eyes.

"The teasing tone," nodded Pomp.

"I know at first I enjoyed him getting the shaft. Every time we dock he gets his pick of pretty girlies," Jaguar grumbled.

"Fuck even men hit on him," Wire snorted, sipping at his ale.

"It's unfair," bemoaned Alt, cupping his face with his palm and sipping sullenly out of an appletini.

"It's ridiculous," UK grumbled, leaning back in his chair.

"It's maddening," Snare whined, folding his arms across his muscular chest.

"But now, I feel pretty bad. She's the devil," giggled Papas, slurping down a margarita.

"You think she's doing it on purpose?" Gig asked.

Bubblegum shook his head. "No, that's what makes it so heinous. This is nothing to her. Just some light banter and sass when he annoys her. But while she considers it innocent, I can see how it would unravel the Boss."

"She really gets under his skin. I wouldn't be able to handle Jam talking to me like that," stuttered Skillet.

"You hear the way she said Captain," Compo asked, wiggling his eyebrows for emphasis. That woman's naughty.

"Sounded seductive," Moai answered with a flush.

"It's that accent she tries to hide. Its sounds like a purr," said Jaguar, his keen hearing having picked up on it.

"Image if she tried to flirt?" Thrill pondered.

"It'd be the end of our leader," Boogie exclaimed, ever a drama queen.

"It's not just her accent. It's the way she speaks. Confidently. Likes she's in control," Pomp explained, having firsthand experience of how bossy she could be. When she was teaching Quincy and I those pharmaceutical formulas, I was hot for teacher.

"She's quick with her comebacks too. It's sexy," Reck replied, savoring his Merlot.

"I would pay a woman to talk to me like that and step on me," Mosh admitted with no shame.

Several turned to stare at their large crewmember, while a few murmured in concurrence. "What?! You know it be hot at fuck. I mean with another woman, not that cackling mad midget. She kinda scares me," the big guy confessed.

"Yeah the crazy part keeps me away. And she's way too dangerous. But to Kid, that's a plus," Wire agreed.

"So how big you think her tits are?" Jaguar posed, chugging down his beer. Definitely larger than Dive's little bits.

"D cup," Heat automatically answered. At the wide eyes stares, the man received, he quickly clarified, "She hugged me."

Bubblegum wolf-whistled. "Didn't know you had it in you. You sly dog, Heat," he said patting his friend on his back with a cheeky grin.

The blue-haired man sported red rosy cheeks. "We'll see how you handle it when she suddenly hugs you," he grumbled.

Pomp rested his chin in his hand. "We knew she has a nice rump, so this completes the set," he mused. Woman nearly knocked me over with that ass in the infirmary the other day.

"Told you I was right when I said she was curvy," bragged Snare.

"Well you're gay. It's hard to take your opinion on a woman's body seriously," snorted Papas rolling his eyes for good measure.

Snare bristled, narrowing his eyes. "I have two sisters, numb-nuts! And I love clothing and fashion, making up my own patterns; I know a woman's body well. Fuck I've probably seen more naked ladies than you!" he shouted, popping the other man over his head.

Papas hopped right back up, glaring at taller man. "Yeah right, I'm a chick magnet!"

"Oh you're a magnet alright. Repel!" Alt snickered.

The group of men broke out into a chorus of raucous laughter.

"Kid's played wingman for all of us. We need to return the favor," stated UK, hands going to his hips.

"But how? What does a woman like Jam even like?" Thrill wondered.

"She likes soft bread rolls, hot soups, roast chicken, and spicy things," Moai listed off, having watched her load up her plate.

"Idiot. Kid can't cook. He'd burn the kitchen down," Disk J grumbled. And Killer would be after us for giving him the idea.

"No but food puts everyone in a good mood. A better more receptive mood," Mosh reasoned.

"That's probably not good enough," said Gig sullenly. How the fuck does one impress a scientist? I don't envy boss.

"Something tells me flowers and chocolates won't work either," Reck replied. Maybe a nice bottle of wine…loosen her inhibitions.

"Actually the Professor likes candy and sweets," Skillet answered, thinking of all the treats she pilfered during the day.

"The flowers though. Can't see her going for a bouquet," thought Heat.

"A bouquet severed of marine heads maybe," Forte snorted.

Boogie broke out into a grin. "Kid would probably prefer that. Imagine him going to the flower shop."

They all began chuckling.

"Well what else does she like?"

They spent the night brainstorming and laughing at ridiculous things they believed a scientist may want. They even made a drinking game out of it with a person having to take a shot when they had no idea or a bad idea.

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The guys aren't sexually interested in Jam. They are seeing it from Kid's point of view. They all have different tastes but they can acknowledge her attractiveness.

Jam hates any type of work that isn't science. Even though inventing things and later manufacturing those items is work she doesn't view it in that manner. She is also manipulative and feels the need to make herself useful.

Vegapunk studies DNA (lineage factors) so Jam can as well. And the microscope was first invented in a rudimentary form in 1590 and then in 1666 a more modern concept was derived so it's highly possible they have basic microscopes in One Piece. How else would Vegapunk study DNA? I swear I've seen one in a panel before.

Urogue is a monk, we saw nuns at Whiskey Peak, several characters sport crosses, Kuma has a bible and Enel refers to himself as god…somehow religion survived the void century. All that lost tech but they keep religion. Jesus fucking Christ!