The sound of a washing machine could be heard in the background. A soothing rhythmic sound that drowned out the various shrill screams and giggles coming from upstairs. A young man sat to the side of the churning piece of metal as he stared up at a hanging light bulb.
"Hey, thanks for that," he said to no one in particular, "I guess I owe you one."
He sat there in silence, a small content smile on his face.
Above him his younger sisters swarmed Luna and Sam, the two of them trading stories and handing out gifts. Their European tour was a hit, but everyone could tell that the pressure is on. The Moon Goats had to release an album, sooner rather than later. Especially with how popular their tour was, t-shirts sold out on the online website.
Their most recent album hit platinum on the final date of their tour, yesterday.
Just a day ago those two were in Berlin, playing to an audience of almost 20,000 people. Now they were back in Michigan.
Sam's mother and her younger brother Simon sat in the living room, making excited conversation with the Loud parents. Both parties swapping small stories of Luna and Sam when they were younger.
If he could find the energy within himself, he would be up there too. Smiling, laughing. But his mind was still spinning from the number in his bank account.
It was a windfall, a sign that his hard work did not go unnoticed by the hand of fate. All he needed to do was trust the gentle breeze that brushed across the dice, and soon he could have everything he wanted- however small or large that may be.
All he had to do was listen.
"One favor," Lincoln laughed, his voice reaching no one in particular, "Sure, now I have no reason to go back to work for a while. But that doesn't mean I'm going to start listening to the voices in my head."
He sat there, waiting for a response. But his words fell on deaf ears.
"Ha. You don't like it when I acknowledge your existence out loud, do you?" He asked to the lightbulb.
The light bulb swung listlessly in the air of the drafty basement.
Lincoln sighed and pulled out his phone and called up his friend Clyde. His cellphone only had to ring once before the other end picked up.
"Zack told me. I can't believe you did that."
"Neither can I. I guess I was bored too."
"Dude, I'm pretty sure that's somehow unethical. But I guess it's like cheating at a casino- the lottery also preys on people's gambling addictions… Maybe it's a karmic net-zero."
"Ha. Jeez. I didn't think about the karmic implications at all. Either I just cashed in all the good luck in my life, or maybe I'm going to be hit by a car tomorrow…"
"Well, ding-dang, Linc. Now you got me worried. I guess so long as you keep those things in there you'll get a heads up if any trucks are looking to isekai you or whatever."
"Dude. Don't even start with that. This is Lisa territory. Anything can happen when she's involved- also, I have them on right now and it seems like it doesn't narrate phone calls."
"That's really arbitrary… but also kinda understandable. Maybe it's just shy or something."
"Eh. I'm a pretty patient guy. I don't mind it. Anyways, I'm glad you aren't thinking I'm some kind of jerk or whatever for the scratch card thing. I guess I figured I might as well do it. Didn't really have anything else going on."
"Devils hands are the idles plaything. Or however it goes. My dads aren't religious. Anyways, I trust you to make sound decisions. And I don't really think that the… voice is malicious. Like you said, it's probably just bored. Maybe curious."
"Don't tell them I said this, but I think it's kinda cute. Sort of naïve. They would probably take that the wrong way, though."
"Wait, please don't tell me you got a crush on a program. I know you've had that dry spell, but-"
"Come on, dude. Don't bust my balls like that. You know I'm waiting till after graduation to start dating again."
"Sure, sure. Just- you literally won half a mill. Not make the rude claim that all chicks are gold-diggers, but I feel like that makes you the most eligible bachelor in Royal Woods High School."
"Man, I don't have time to spend on something like that. I just want to take it easy. No dumb plans. Maybe this summer we can go someplace nice, I can score us a trip to the Royal Palms Comic Con. I don't mind blowing the cash on something dumb like that."
"I mean, don't spend all that money at once. Or maybe do. I guess money isn't a problem, just don't go robbing any banks."
"That sounds like a lot of work. I'm kind of over work."
"You and me both, dude. Speaking if which, how am I getting to work tomorrow morning? Grant texted me that you wouldn't be coming in, which is understandable."
"Just swing by on your bike and take the keys, oh- and give me your DL number so I can put you on my insurance."
"Well, now I feel like I should thank your earbuds too. Thanks, earbuds! Take care of my best friend!"
"Yeah, well. It sounds like stuff is dying down upstairs. Ill text you later. Do me a favor and run the RPCC idea to the rest of the gang. I got my hands full right now."
"No problem, dude. And I owe you one."
"We both know that's not true."
Lincoln smiled as he hung up his phone and stood up, stretching his back.
A knock was heard from the door and Luna descended into the basement to meet him at the bottom step.
"Sup, Luna, sorry for not heading up sooner," Lincoln smiled as he took in his sister for a quick hug, "I just got distracted by something small."
Luna stood with her hands to her hips and tilted her head, "What's got you buggin' bro? I haven't seen you in, like, 3 weeks and you don't even come upstairs to give me, or my wife, a freakin' hug?"
Lincoln gave a chuckle, "Alright, fine, I'll go give your wife a hug."
His sister noted the faraway look in his face as he changed his focus to the open door upstairs.
"Hey," Luna asked, "You doing okay?"
"What? No, it's really just something dumb," Lincoln laughed as he made his way upstairs, "I guess I've just been getting this idea that maybe I'm a bit boring or something."
"Huh," Luna followed him up, "I mean, you aren't though. So I probably wouldn't worry about it, dude. I mean, remember when we almost burnt down that hotel in Royal Palms when you were interning under Chunk as a roadie?"
Lincoln nodded, "Man, I still haven't gotten that to show up on my transcript yet. Really need to call someone about that to get my credits- no, I mean sure, I get up to some shenanigans-
"But its never really on my own accord, its always because I find myself wrapped up in other people's things," Lincoln emerged into the kitchen to see Simon and his younger sisters discussing something, Lincoln bobbed his head at the blonde teen who raised his head in return with a smile and a peace sign, "But, like, when I'm by myself I'm usually just playing videogames or just staring at my phone, waiting for something to happen…"
Luna sped up to block Lincoln's path into the living room and jutted her head forward, "Bro, you are like way too young to be having a mid-life crisis."
Lincoln threw his hands forward, "That's what I'm saying! And that's why I didn't really go too deep into it earlier, it's just some kind of weird, kind of flighty, voice in my head telling me to make the most out of life. Whatever that means."
Luna stopped leaning on the doorframe and rose an eyebrow, "Oh. Well. I mean, like, dude, that sounds like a good idea. You know, making the most out of life. But that doesn't really necessarily means doing anything crazy, just look at the world around you and live in it! It doesn't have to be big, I mean, I spend my off time doing crossword puzzles with Sam or just hanging with the band watching TV or whatever- I'm not always shreddin' onstage or performing to big-as-all-heck crowds. Does that make me boring?"
Lincoln shook his head in mock disappointment, "I dunno. Lun'. Crossword puzzles are the lamest thing anyone could ever do, ever."
His elder sister socked him on the arm, "Maaaaaan, you try to give some good advice and then you get clowned on! You can blame Luan for the crossword thing- I dunno how she got me hooked on it, but I did. It's kind of meditative."
"Sure, sure…" Lincoln rolled his eyes as he stepped forward to follow Luna.
Resolve formed in the young man's heart, he knew that if he continued on this path of non-action he'd be destined to a life of crossword puzzles and watching documentaries or a rotation of the same three sit-coms with the subtitles on. A fate worse than death. He knew he had to take the wanderlust that was nestled deep inside his heart seriously. If he didn't then he'd basically just be resigned to a life without meaning, without passion. Another faceless gazer in a sea of mediocrity.
Lincoln rolled his eyes and sighed to the dusty ceiling fan.
"Hey, what up, Sam?" Lincoln quickly took a seat on the TV credenza to face his parents, Sam, and her mom, "You glad to be back yet? I am kind of surprised you aren't a puddle of goo with all the jetlag you must be feeling."
"Wha, huh, yeah, we flew Futura," Sam wobbled in her seat and pinched the bridge of her nose, "we couldn't bring any goos. Sorry, Linc', I'll see about picking some up as a souvenir next time. We'll probably have to mail it, though."
Luna chuckled and lightly shook Sam's shoulders with a beaming smile, "Nah, dude, we're good to go for another tour right now! Party never stops, dudes!"
Lincoln silently chuckled through his nose as Sam's face paled.
"Yeah," Lincoln got up and snagged Sam's arm and pulled her up, "Hey, Luna, we're gonna go unpack that European death trap of yours and haul the luggage upstairs. Do us a favor and keep everyone entertained."
Luna hopped over the back of the sofa and landed in Sam's still warm spot, "Sure thing, little dude. Thanks for being so cool!"
"Right." Lincoln raised his eyebrows at the tight smiles of the parents as they eyed the woozy Sam in their peripherals with concern.
"How come it's so bright out here?" Sam asked as she found her way outside, "Is the lighting crew setting up? Where's the gaffer tape?"
Lincoln opened up the tiny purple car's trunk and helped Sam into a purple backpack and slung a multi-colored totebag around her shoulder.
"Nope, Sam, we are back in Royal Woods," Lincoln sighed, "You are allowed to relax now."
"Oh, really?" Sam looked around in a daze, "Sorry, I'm on a lot of Dramamine and melatonin. I have no idea what's going on."
Lincoln used his skills as a roadie to somehow pick up two large suitcases and two guitar cases.
He held the handle of one of the bags with his teeth and attempted to say, "Yeah, you and me both, dude."
He closed the car door and ushered Sam back into the house and upstairs while Luna told everyone about this really good egg salad they had in Helsinki. It was spicy but not too spicy and was served in a bread bowl. The three adults listened in, their attention laser focused on the brunettes tale.
"Gosh," Lincoln said to himself as he opened the door to his room, "I swear to God if I start talking about egg salads I'm going to have Lucy euthanize me."
"I thought it could use some more spice," Sam slurred out as she stepped forward into the room, "But I guess that's what the pepper is for. That way you can choose how spicy you want it."
Lincoln sat the luggage down on the foot of the bed and frowned at the blonde as she stood in the center of the room.
"Not you too…"
"Huh?" Sam spun around to find Lincoln and realized she was carrying bags, she set them down on top of the luggage, "Right, thanks for helping with those bags, Lincoln. And letting us crash here so last minute. I guess I'll head back downstairs now…"
Lincoln quickly shook his head and shot his hands forward, "Uh-uh. You get some rest. I'll handle Luna."
"But I haven't even hugged Lola or Lisa yet," Sam stammered out, "I gotta make my appearances, it's only polite…"
"Dude, seriously," Lincoln sighed and pointed at the bed, "go take a nap… I'll cook something up to tell Luna, say you are on a call or something."
Sam complained while listlessly settling on the floor spread-eagle, "I can't just lie to Luna… that's unfair…"
Lincoln let out a small wheezing chuckle as he opened up Sam's luggage and hid a grey hoodie behind his bookshelf, "Yeah, that's why I'm the one telling the lie. Just get some sleep before she catches on that I haven't hugged you yet."
"I don't even hug my mom, or Simon…" Sam said, already in the throes of REM sleep on the floor.
Lincoln sighed and placed his hand on the door as he stretched his limbs out, having just hauled what felt like a dead body up a flight of stairs. He took a small moment to ensure that his room was in order before leaving, and had the sober realization that his room did resemble a hotel room without any dirty clothes scattered about. Hopefully Luna will be able to power through her inner-demons and not completely trash the place this weekend.
A teen girl stood outside the door, waiting for the moment to greet her brother when he was his most distracted.
Lincoln quickly opened the door as fast as he could while he tried to hide his smile, "Lucy!"
"Ack," uttered Lucy stoically, she feigned brushing dirt off of her long black dress and sighed, "Sigh. Please do not sneak up on me like that, Lincoln. You know I am of a nervous disposition as of late."
This was a lie made to make Lincoln feel bad for almost making Lucy open her mouth in surprise.
"Sure," Lincoln pursed his lips and nodded, closing the door behind him slowly, "And what exactly is the cause of your current nervousness?"
With an oddly out-of-character theatrical flourish Lucy withdrew a sealed envelope from behind her back and held it up to her older brothers face, "This."
Lincoln gingerly picked up the letter from his sisters hands in-between two fingers and held it up the the hallways lights, "To L.L. from H.H." He read, he brought the envelope to his nose, "Hmmm. Doesn't smell like anthrax, do you think she sprayed perfume on this? That is adorable."
Lucy clicked her tongue.
"Lincoln," she curtly began, "I cannot begin to stress how carefully I would like you to be with this… rather unforeseen happening. Haiku is enamored with you, for some odd reason, and it has provided me no small number of migraines over the last day. I understand you are not that type of boy, but please do not take advantage of her feelings or treat them with disrespect."
Lincoln nodded, "Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I think Haiku is a nice enough girl. But I kind of learned my lesson with going out with my sister's friends back in freshman year." Lincoln took another sniff of the letter and nodded, "she's got good taste too. The least I can do is take her seriously."
Lucy sighed, "That is Teen Spiritus: Violet Promenade spray-on deodorant. Her signature scent. I honestly would not mind if you did engage in a romantic entanglement with her, but only if you name your first child after me."
Lincoln tapped the letter on Lucy's head and made his way back downstairs, "That's weird, Lucy. And I don't think I could cut it as a dad, I'm boring enough as it is."
When he hit the bottom step his father quickly turned to him, his dad-senses tingling, "Linc! Linc!"
Lynn Sr. shambled his way off the couch and stood in front of his son, his hands gesturing wildly, "You are not going to believe this, Luna had the best egg salad- actually… I can't do it justice," he quickly pointed to Luna, his hands shaky, "You gotta tell him."
Luna arched her brow smugly, "The egg salad was in a…"
The soft lights cast a glint in her eyes as everyone over the age of 20's heart skipped a beat, "Sourdough breadbowl."
Lynn Sr. grasped Lincoln's shoulders and shook him, his words stumbling over themselves, "Can you BELIEVE IT?!"
"That's bonkers," Lincoln gave Luna a thumbs up and then quickly turned it into a fingergun aimed at the letter in his other hand, "anyways I just got this love letter from Lucy's friend Haiku and I have to reply to it and find someone to deliver my letter to her to her on horseback."
Lucy elbowed the jerk of a boy for his undue insensitivity.
"Alright," Lincoln smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he made his way to the basement, "by carrier pigeon-"
"Wait," Luna quickly got up, "where's Sam? Is she still up there? I want her to talk about her experience with that freakin' egg salad-"
Luna quickly turned to the parents, "She put pepper on hers!"
Rita gasped, "Oh. My. God. That way she can choose-"
"How spicy it is herself!" The three adults gasped in unison.
Lincoln cleared his throat, "Sam is on the phone with Mazzy to see if her grey hoodie got mixed up in her luggage."
Luna squinted her eyes at Lincoln and slowly got up, "Uh-uh, bro. Do not do the hoodie-distraction-bit with me. It worked the last three times, but it won't happen again."
Luna threw her hands up, "Come on, Linc'! I know you just made up that excuse and hid the hoodie just so you can slip out before you gave her a hug!"
Lincoln silently clicked his tongue and supposed that the hoodie trick will have to be shelved for the time being.
Lynn Sr. placed his fists on his hips and shook his head, "I cannot believe you tried the hoodie trick again! You're 18, a legal adult! Why can't you just hug your sister's wife!? She's family!"
"Sure," Lincoln sighed and held up the note, "I just got this letter from Haiku and wanted to read it as soon as possible. I promise to hug Sam-" he shot the moms a knowing look, "after she takes a nap. She said she was sleepy from the melatonin."
"Y-you drugged my wife? W-with melatonin!?" Luna stammered while Lynn gawked.
Rita nodded and sighed into her palms, she quickly straightened her back and patted Luna's shoulder sternly, "No. Sweetie. Sam is just taking a quick nap before dinner. Lincoln did not drug your wife. He wouldn't drug anyone. Stop acting silly."
Luna pouted as she was pulled back down on the couch, "B-but mom-"
"Yes, Luna," Sam's mother, a thin woman with a short cropped feathered hairdo reassured, "She's awfully tired. Probably from all the hugs. Us Sharps' aren't really known for our upper body strength."
Luna sighed and frowned at Lincoln, "Sorry for acting totally cray, Linc. You know how I get whenever I come back! Haha… kinda like I'm a kid again or something."
"Yeah, you know, I think I kinda get like that too whenever the older girls swing by…" Lincoln nodded as he swayed the letter in the air, "So, we good?"
"Yup!" Lynn's father cheered as he rested his shoulder on Rita's head, "You go have fun with that letter! Haiku seems like a good match."
Rita shooed Lincoln away with a smile, "Make sure you check your spelling, I can read it afterwards to check your grammar if you'd like."
Lincoln pursed his lips and nodded in contemplation, "I might actually take you up on that. I feel like I rely too much on autocorrect nowadays…"
The boy hummed to himself as he took his earbuds off and made his way back downstairs.
Lincoln looked down at a page of stationary dotted with red lines and x's. It was an actually touching and thoughtful letter underneath all the crimson, and the recipient would have enjoyed it even if he got a couple of "your"'s that should be "you're"'s in there. Perhaps there was some humanity to this boy after all.
The boy sighed as he brought out his mother's old typewriter and started to work. He was surprising well accustomed to writing letters in this fashion, using it to print his own business cards when he was in 8th grade to advertise an ill-fated Detective agency with his elder sister Leni.
Lincoln's head drew back as he moaned to no one in particular, "Oh, jeez. I did not need to remember that now…"
Suddenly, his phone rang.
It was Sid Chang. After powering through her last rewatch of Angst Creek she grabbed herself a sports drink from the fridge to rehydrate herself after sweating so much under the blankets she swaddled herself in while binge watching television. She found herself laying on the floor, viciously fighting against her own personal demons of not living a life as glorious and heart-pounding as the lives of the TV-ready picture-perfect teens on Angst Creek.
"Yoooooo. How was the rewatch?"
"Dude, are you, like, psychic or something? Yeah, it was just as good the last time, maybe even better with all the new stuff I noticed. It's crazy how much callbacks there are, and like- all the weird thematic beats and motifs. Like, the coincidences and stuff."
"Sounds exhausting. I told myself I was going to binge watch season 2 after it was done, but I never got around to it. Now it's on like season 7, its kinda daunting. So I never got around to watching anything past season 1."
"Holy cow, you're like an Angst Creek virgin! Okay. As soon as you get the time we need to do a binge session together. Pop your cherry."
"That analogy doesn't really work since I already have seen Angst Creek. Just the first season, though."
"Psh, yeah. That's all baby stuff. As soon as all the minor characters get all introduced is when the series really hits it off. Same with the supernatural and science stuff, too! Basically, you've only run 1st base in this uh… metaphor. After this you can say you ran all the bases with Sid Chaaaang!"
"Dude, now this metaphor is all kinds of crude. Plus- I dunno, Sid… I feel like I'd rather have a cool sweat-inducing heart-pounding psycho-sexual youth, not watch a bunch of airbrushed Hollywood actors act ones out in front of a camera…"
"Dude, now is not the time to start it with all that normiepopular girl stuff. We are basically adults now! I mean, I don't even go to high-school! How can I have a steamy affair with a teachers aide if I'll get security called on me for just trying to get a string cheese from the cafeteria vending machine!?"
"Okay, well I don't really have any thoughts of having an affair with any student-teachers, but I guess I can start? Okay. I'm thinking about it… and… alright. Yeah. No. A teachers aide is basically a teacher and there has to be something mentally wrong with someone who would willing want to spend their time with a bunch of ding-dang high schoolers."
"Oh… yeah, I guess you're right. I just always had a thing for boys whenever they dress all business casual. Eh. But still, being a virgin isn't all that bad. I mean, boys like virgins. At least some do. That's gotta mean that girls like some too. Personally, I don't really care."
"Dude. Sid. I'm not a vir- wait. She didn't tell you?"
"Is this the part where I ask who and you say YOUR MOOOOOM NERD! or are you going to do some kind of long drawn-out setup for the joke?"
"Uh, no. That's gross. Your mom is a nice lady. Just forget it."
"Wow. Nikki is such a slut."
"Wow. Uh, no, not Nikki. Jesus, she isn't really my type. I mean, now I feel a dick because I told Clyde basically 10 minutes after it happened… Let's just change the subject-"
"NOOOOO WAY, MR. LOOOOUD. You get BACK here and TELL ME who you HAD SEX WITH right NOW!"
"It was… your mom."
"I'm going to kill you."
"Nerd."
"But… I can pick up through context clues who you were really talking about and it kind of hurts my feelings."
"Yeah, it's weird she didn't tell you."
"Yup… you know…"
"What?"
"It's nothing… how was your da-"
"You guys have drifted apart, haven't you?"
"Yeah, that obvious, huh? I mean, we still chat in the hallways of the apartment… but she's always busy with her job and school. I'm busy too, just at the opposite side of things. And when our schedules do align… I dunno. I kinda feel like, she left me behind- or maybe it's the other way around. Has she talked about it with you?"
"Nope. Last time I talked to her was last September. Like a real conversation. Not that I'm bugging about it, she is my ex. I still see her whenever we visit Lori and Bobby and their kids. We kinda caught up new years, but mostly about, like, videogames and other dumb stuff like that. Don't judge me- but I kind of prefer it this way. I know it was just a middle school relationship, but I feel like I probably shouldn't have tried to keep that friendship alive for so long."
"Huh. I guess there wasn't a whole lot I knew about her, or at least what was in her head. She wouldn't ever talk about you, and when I told you I started talking to you a lot and that we became friends she got kinda weird about it. Not bad weird, but like, super supportive or something."
"Ha. I think it was like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She didn't have to deal with some boring nerd like me anymore, I became your problem."
"Whatever, dude. You aren't a problem. And I don't think that's true at all. I honestly think she was probably jealous because you found out that I was cooler than her."
"Suuuure. And is Nikki actually a slut? And if so: can I have her number?"
"Ew ew ew ew ew. Nikki is offlimits, Mr. Loud. She is much too busy on her studies to even dream of bumping uglies in your boring Japanese Salary Man car."
"What kind of car would she like? Probably something with a lot of cabin space, right? She's kind of tall. And gangly. And she has a big head. She also smells kinda funny. I think she leaves her clothes in the washer for too long before drying them."
"I guess I can ask her. If it was me I'd probably choose something dangerous, like a muscle car or a convertible. A convertible muscle car."
"I'll ride my bike to the dealership tomorrow. I just lucked into a lot of cash recently, got lucky with a scratch off."
"Oh yeah, I saw that on your dad's instagrim story. You should probably tell him to keep a tight lip on that, that paints a big ol' target on your back. But still- whew, half a mill! I was gonna call you up when I saw that, but it was the part where Hunter confronts Jessica after he finds out that she's been lying to him and sneaking out to parties that his ex girlfriend throws behind his back. Also you are basically up to crazy stuff 24/7. This is just like a regular Saturday for you."
"Sure, I guess. But, I can't believe Jessica would do that! She seemed so nice in season 1…"
"That's how they get ya! Speaking of which, are you watching something? I keep on hearing a typewriter in the background."
"Yes. I recently decided to Live Action Role Play Angst Creek against my better judgment and am pursuing a possible romance with a sophomore by the name of Haiku. She's one of Lucy's friends."
"That's the one that bites her nails, right? Or is that Berry?"
"That's Beatrice, or something. And no. Haiku is the one who-"
"Oh, now I remember! She's the one who Lucy dragged you to that slam poetry thing for and made you forge a bunch of voting slips so she could win a insulated tumbler, right?"
"Exactly. I guess it was a nice enough tumbler. But she needs a date to a upcoming dance at school and I was kinda just… there. One thing led to another, and now we are exchanging letters. I'm writing my first reply now."
"Letters, huh? That's actually kinda cute!"
"I know! I mean, jeez. I would always get clowned upon by the gang for being too old school, like all the flowers and dumb gifts. Now I've got this girl who wrote me a letter! What's next? A perfumed handkerchief for me to sniff while I'm hunting foxes? I'm actually kinda… into this."
"Man, now I am all kinds of jealous. Where is my fox hunt? My handkerchief? My love letter!?"
"Hmmm. I have no idea how serious things are going to get with Haiku, because A: I kind of don't want to date right now until I'm over with school and B: I think she's open to the idea of just casually dating, but like old school style with candlelit serenades underneath her window. But I should be a gentleman and keep my love letters to her until I find out for sure. So, sorry: no love letters from me."
"Come on, bro. Break me off a piece of that angsty pining."
"Fine. Ahem. Dearest Sidney, how I long for your tender, cheesy poof dusted fingers to run around my back to hold me tight and never let me go. To floss the flecks of broccoli from your molars as we make out, sloppy-style, in the back of my car in a movie theater parking lot or dentist office parking lot. I look at the moon, and am reminded of your glowing smile- the same smile you make when you see an unattended stick of butter- Oh, FuuuuuREAKING A! I just wrote all that down on accident. Now I gotta start all over again!"
"Is it weird that my heart started pumping from that? I think I might need to solve the whole virgin thing. My standards are getting really low."
"Well, just let me get that convertible first, then we can take care of that."
"Dude, do not tempt me. Haiku be damned, I'm now starting to bug on the whole living vicariously though TV thing. I might have to break out the ol' quill and parchment and write your pasty pale ass a letter too."
"I mean, I dunno. I guess it's easy to say this from where I am sitting from, but who cares if you had awkward sweaty sex in some black-mold filled condemned apartment room on a smelly couch? Personally, I think you give off total not a virgin vibes, so you can just lie and tell everyone we had sex and I'll just roll with it."
"Really? Dude. That is actually a great idea. I'll text Nikki later and say that we did it in your muscle car. She'll be so freaking jealous."
"Capital idea, Ms. Chang. Send me a synopsis of whatever you tell Nikki so I can back you up if she asks questions."
"Yeah, I'll go write her a letter or something. Maybe get my little sis to check for spelling mistakes. I'll talk to you later, dude. Have fun with your heart-pounding psychic-sexual teen romances! I gotta finish up this paper on rare earth mineral trade tariffs and it's effects on circuit boards in the consumer market."
"You have fun with that."
Lincoln abruptly ended the call without giving a proper goodbye as he was currently enraptured with typing up his letter. A steady smile graced his face as he concentrated on his work, not knowing that a teen girl was standing behind him- waiting for the chance to interrupt.
"Li-"
Lincoln held up one finger in the air and held it as he finished up typing. He quickly snatched the paper from the old Sister GJ-6750 and leaned back in his cross-legged position on the dusty floor to hold it up to Lucy's face.
"Do me a favor and read through this," Lincoln said as the girl took the paper, "let me know what you think. I don't plan on changing any of the subject material, that would be kinda unethical to have her best friend feed all the right words into my head, but maybe mom didn't catch every spelling and grammatical error."
Lucy sighed as she shook her head, "You are completely incorrigible. Didn't I tell you to take this seriously?"
The boy got up and frowned, "I am taking this seriously. Why? Do you think Haiku will think I'm just messing around or something? I thought I put a lot of thought into that letter…"
The goth teen hummed to herself as she did a quick glance through the letters content, "Not nearly as meandering as I thought it would be, it's missing the usual naval-gazing neo-futurism inspired stream of consciousness writing that the editorials you do for the school paper posses."
"Now you're just making up words to make me sound dumb," Lincoln laughed, "I don't really need your help with that."
"Yes, yes," Lucy disinterestedly pattered on, distracted by the letter in her hands, "laugh it up. Laughter is the number one defense mechanism that a self-educated man utilizes to hide their latent insecurities. There is nothing wrong with taking your work seriously, Lincoln."
The boy blinked and blew out a gust of air from pursed lips, "Is it really that bad? I was just being honest!"
Lucy shook her head slowly as she neared the end of the letter, "No. Quite the opposite."
She handed the letter back to Lincoln and held her hands behind her back, "I suppose the old adage is true, hand enough monkeys enough typewriters and eventually they will write Shakespeare. I guess this monkey got lucky. Fortune smiles upon you as of late."
Lincoln sighed as he folded the letter up to seal into a envelope, "Right. Sure. I can be romantic when I want to be, maybe even take writing seriously. I just think it's kind of silly when I usually don't have a whole lot of interesting things to say."
Her black hair swayed side to side as she slowly shook her head, "Luna admitted to me earlier that you were worried that you were somehow boring, and while I can see the credence of that self-assessment- I can't help but disagree. But what I do disagree with is you leading on Haiku just because you feel bored."
The young man rose his eyebrows as his gaze settled to the floor, "Right. I can totally see that. And it kinda makes me feel like a big ol' jerk. But- when I was reading her letter I got really excited, I stopped seeing her as just Your Friend and started seeing her as Haiku. And she's pretty cool. And when I was writing my letter my head was filled with what ifs and all these dumb thoughts. But now, I'm not entirely sure if I actually feel that way, or if I'm just making up these feelings in my head just because I kind of feel like I should change- be someone else besides boring me.
"Like, I don't really think Haiku knows me all that well," Lincoln sighed as he met Lucy's gaze with a shrug, "and maybe that's a good thing. Because the Lincoln she sees seems like a much cooler guy."
The girl placed her fists on her hips and gave a slow nod, "Bravo. That was a good answer."
The corner of her mouth curled up in a faint smirk, "I suppose that's what romance is all about. Chapel perilous, and all that. The two of you will figure it out. Or not. It's not as though Haiku's intentions are all that pure- like you say, she does seem to project certain qualities on you that you probably don't posses. I'm not the best one to judge, seeing as I'm your sister and remember that time you peed in Cliff's litterbox because you didn't want to wait in line to the bathroom."
Lincoln laughed as he handed the sealed letter to Lucy after taping an unwrapped cherry scented air freshener to it, "I'm not entirely sure why that story would make me feel embarrassed, I think that's pretty inspired thinking from kid me. Do me a favor and hand this off to Haiku the next time you see her."
Lucy frowned at the letter in her hand and sighed, "Sigh. I will get Fangs to deliver it tonight. Is the air freshener really necessary?"
Lincoln nodded, "Absolutely."
Lucy turned around to leave him to his evening, but continued to spin on her heel to face him again- a coin in her hands.
"Also," Lucy said as Lincoln picked up the penny from her hand to hold it in the air, "Haiku wanted you to have this. She found it at a table at the Super Duper Mart this afternoon."
"What a coincidence." Lincoln sighed as he shoved the coin into his pocket.
"Or is it fate?" Lucy mused as she made her way upstairs.
Lincoln withdrew his headphones from his ears as he got ready for bed.
Lincoln rolled around in his sleeping bag as he put his headphones back on.
He couldn't get any sleep besides a fitful 3 hours that left him drenched in cold flop sweat. By all accounts he should be exhausted with all the days events, but his head couldn't stop spinning.
The teen boy disrobed his pajama bottoms to change back into jeans, the aroma of his sweaty nethers filling the already swampy basement. If he were to do anything, he should probably shower.
"Gosh. Fine," Lincoln sighed as he powered off his headphones, "I'll take a shower."
The teenager idly tossed two disgustingly yellow q-tips into the trash as he placed his now freshly cleaned headphones into his clean ears.
He was quite a handsome young man when he took the time and effort to groom himself.
Lincoln had his father's regal nose, coupled with a sharp jawline and cheekbones. These highlighted his intense gaze, his Resting Lori Face honed by the time he spent being the eldest sibling in the house. His hair was snow-white, not towheaded, and thick much like his grandfather's. He was tall, now as tall as his father, his long limbs made even the simplest of movements a spectacle. He had broad shoulders and manly features that juxtaposed with his shy mannerisms, blushing whenever someone gives him a simple compliment.
"Stoooop it!" The young man giggled to no one in particular.
All of this goes to waste when you put it into the context of how he dresses himself, like a retiree visiting the local buffet to complain about the drink prices or a infotainment channel spokesperson advertising Damascus steel kitchen knives to lonely housewives.
"I'm not some doll for you to dress up," said the boy to no one in particular, "and I'm not changing out of the polo."
Lincoln Loud turned around and left the bathroom and snuck downstairs, completely unwilling to take a step outside of his comfort zone and wear something else besides the same outfit he has worn since 2016. A pair of ratty skate shoes, blue regular fit jeans, and an orange polo.
He snuck out through the backdoor while Sam, now awake, watched a scene of Angst Creek on the TV with the subtitles on.
"I don't know, Jessica," Hunter sighed as he swept his immaculately sculpted emo hair, "Sometimes it feels like I'm the captain of, like, a sinking ship. But instead of getting buckets and helping pail the water out… all of them are laughing and having a good time…"
Jessica cradled the emo teen as he looked byronically out the window, her eyes trained on the cast on his leg, "I guess… it's kind of hard not to smile when you are around, Hunter… even if you find it hard to smile yourself…"
The scene faded to black as some jazz song played in the background.
Lincoln Loud started up his car, he wanted to have one last drive in the thing before he handed off the keys to Clyde.
"Ain't no way in heck that I am watching Angst Creek," Lincoln shuddered, "that was horrible."
The teen pulled up his phone to text his friends before driving off. Stowing his headphones into their cradle.
Some notes: blonde chick incidental with the blue streak who works at the burnt bean hasnt been confirmed as Sam's mom so I made a tiny OC. Haiku going from 0 to 11 in terms of pining is pretty normal for 15 year old girls. I keep on forgetting that Lola and Lana are technically 13 in this fic too, making them teenagers. What a terrifying concept. This fic isn't haikucoln or sidcoln or whatevercoln, it's a friendship fic that's just about Lincoln having fun with his friends and family. Just a way to get these more dumb-as-fuck ideas out of my head to ensure I don't accidentally do anything too stupid out there. Thanks for checking this story out, if you end up bailing I really don't blame you.
