Recap of Chapter 30:
Bella and Edward landed themselves in troube with thin ice and are left to try and figure out how to get out of it. With Edward's knowledge he's able to get them down to a crawl - but unfortunately even with as much caution as they could muster they still fell through the ice into the cold waters below the pond. It was only for a brief amount of time but still it was enough to cause concern for the others that they needed to be looked at after they had dried off and warmed up. Of course the secret couple finds their own way of warming themselves up after they managed to get a short while to themselves. With it, Edward reveals a traumatic episode he faced as a child which was the reason he was overbearing with his concerns about being in the water. After that however, the couple is ready to be looked at for any signs of health concerns to ease the others' nerves. Some time passes and before long the group's trip is over where now they'll be heading back home. Bella had been trying to reach Charlie all morning but to no avail. Alice and Carlisle are trying their best to reassure her and Edward's concerned for her but unable to say anything to calm down his girlfriend. It's not until their in her neighborhood and near her home that they find out the horrible truth of why she wasn't able to reach her father, and the four are absolutely devestated at Bella's new reality.
A/N: It is time for another new chapter, and this one is going to be the hardest chapter of them. It is time to dive into the funeral for Charlie.
I tried my best in terms of typing up everything here in hopes it could capture the correct emotions Bella might feel during this time especially after losing her father. I do also feel like personally it was a bit hard to really type it up and I can only hope that it's not too sporadic with what's going on.
Also, a song is going to be featured/used in this chapter; it's been awhile since I implemented music as part of the plot for a chapter. But even while thinking of how to write up this chapter in terms of rewriting from the old story as a whole, this song kept popping up as something that'd be slightly fitting in terms of the relationship between Bella and her dad. But the reality to be perfectly honest is again, related back to the fact I tried making this story seem more like 'Glee' - and the song in particular I'm talking about is "Make You Feel My Love" (originally done by Bob Dylan but covered by Adele and Adele's cover is no doubt in my mind, the song that Glee used for the episode 'The Quarterback' as tribute to Cory Montieth's death.)
No doubt the context/meaning behind the song isn't really a correct one to use towards a father-daughter relationship but I hopefully explain it a bit in the chapter as to why she chose to sing it and can only hope that its sufficient enough as to why she'd sing it.
But enough with my rambling, let's get onto the sad chapter.
Chapter Thirty-One
January
~Bella~
A gentle knocking on the bathroom door had me turning away from the sink and stare blankly at the closed door. "Bella? It's me. Can I come in?" I heard Esme's soft voice on the other side.
"Sure." I murmured. The door pushed open and Esme came strolling in to stand beside me in Alice's bathroom. She was dressed in a black dress, a long coat overtop it. Her caramel hair was kept just as simple as well, curled and pinned away from her beautiful face. Once she was beside me, she gave me a very guarded, small smile while raising a hand to gently wipe away the tears that were falling from my bloodshot eyes. I knew that I was crying - I honestly hadn't stopped since we made it back to Forks after our ski trip. But my strength to react was nothing short of robotic or despondent. I'd say I've been more on auto-pilot and just trying to get by each day.
"Alice had been wondering if you wanted any makeup added to your look today." Esme quietly stated then, reaching up to smooth my hair down.
"I had already told her no but thank you for at least checking again. I hadn't changed my mind though." I muttered, sighing. Esme gave a small nod, reaching over to gently squeeze my shoulder.
"Well if you need any help in getting ready, she wanted me to express it to you that she is a short call away." she stated. I gave her a small nod and then she turned to leave me alone in the bathroom again.
It was at least a few days after we had returned from the trip, and only a few days after we had came back to Forks to discover my dad was dead. God I still couldn't wrap my head around this reality. One minute I was living a normal teenage life of just going up north for a ski trip with my friends and secret boyfriend. I was enjoying my trip, my time with my friends of just playing in the snow. I was enjoying my time that I'd be having with my boyfriend when we'd get to be alone in our room. Everything seemed fine - and it seemed like there was nothing I had to worry about with my dad. I chatted with him through texts or phone calls here and there while we were on our trip. It seemed like nothing was going on at home for him. He was going to work normally, doing the usual duties that goes on with a small town police chief. He'd be stopping local teens from trying to run red lights or lighting stop signs on fire, or he'd be rescuing cats stuck up in trees. He'd be doing welfare checks on the elderly citizens, chatting with his firemen friends or working on updating the safety procedures people should follow if a bad storm knocks out power lines. He was a frequent patron to the small town diner. He was living a quiet life in his small little white home. Sure there was the odd behavior he exhibited when I left for my trip - how it seemed like he was seeing me for the last time and I'd never get to see him again. But he waved it off himself as just an old man missing me, his only daughter, after I have been away from home due to school. Edward tried to reassure me of the same thing so I wouldn't worry. And only for the time being did I believe him, believed both of them.
But in the next minute, I return from the trip to find out he's dead. Charlie was gone.
Someone had broken into the house and shot him from behind. It was exclusive details of an investigation - but Charlie's trusted deputy was like a family friend. Thompson was concerned about my well-being and viewed me as like a niece or a daughter. And so he didn't want to beat around the bushes with me while he told me details about what happened to Charlie. The prints that had been left behind by the intruders - from the doorknobs in the house, the shoe print on the front door as well as the shoe prints inside the home on the carpet, and finally the prints left on his beer bottles when he had been drinking to relax for the night (they ruled out his prints from him grabbing it which left two distinct, different sets on the bottles) - matched the prints they had found from the intruder situation we had back on Thanksgiving break. Sadly from that case and now this, even though it's confirmed that the two cases are linked and it's the same people that came back to kill my father, it's a mystery of who the people are and they need to find them. It's just a matter of time before the police force find a match to the prints. I had thanked Thompson for entrusting the investigation's details with me, and he had said it was no big deal, grasping my hands in his aged ones. Once I had looked up at him he had murmured gruffly, "Don't worry Bella. We are going to do everything in our power to find who had done this to him and we'll make sure they face the consequences. We're also going to make sure you're well taken care of sweetie. It's the least we can do for him is to make sure you're okay." I had cried again from his quiet promises and gave him a tight hug at that, thanking him once more.
After we had found out about Charlie's death, Carlisle had taken us three teens back to the Cullen home. Esme was there with Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie; she had taken time to drop Mike, Ben, Jessica and Angela back at their homes. Esme had sensed that something was wrong when she saw it had taken awhile for Carlisle to return, and had been calling him wondering where he was. The others sensed something was off just from her worry alone, and the twins decided they'd stick around versus going back to their home. Once Carlisle had returned to the Cullen home, Edward and Alice were silently watching me as I stood between them. I was despondent from the start and only stood there with tears running down my face still, completely in shock from what had happened. Carlisle was the one that broke the news to everyone who didn't know - and Esme was distraught for me. Emmett was floored but never said anything, and still hasn't since the fight he had with Edward back at the Lodge. The twins were understandably just as floored as he was, where Rosalie had rushed over to me and engulfed me into a tight hug; Alice joined the hug to try and offer some solace. It was decided then that I'd stay with the Cullens for the time being until everything had been sorted. Later on that day, Jacob and Billy suddenly showed up at the Cullen house. Once the news had begun spreading throughout Forks and made its way down to the Reservation, likely Jacob had been trying to figure out where I was; he was getting very little out of me when he called me up for the twentieth time - and eventually I gave up the phone over to Carlisle who took over and gave out information to the Blacks on what was going on.
Jacob had engulfed me into one of his signature bear hugs and held me tightly. I broke down in his arms, weeping and sobbing while he held me. It felt warm and like home, but home was destroyed for me. It was comforting but nothing that could fully heal me from the pain and trauma that I was facing. Meanwhile Billy had worked on chatting with Carlisle and Esme about my situation, saying that he was more than happy to let me decide where I wanted to stay for the time being - be it at the Cullen home or with the Blacks. Esme had told him that they were willing to let me choose and if I decided I wanted to stay with the Cullens they'd be more than accommodating for me and my needs. Billy was willing to accept that answer, just worried for my safety but felt that I should choose where I wanted to go - and if I wanted to remain with the Cullens then that'd be fine.
However it almost ended in a disaster the next day - because Renee had shown up at the Cullen household looking for me. She took some time away from whatever she was needing to get done in Seattle to come get me because she wanted me to return to Seattle with her. Firstly when she had entered the home, I was in the living room with Alice with a movie playing in the background. I wasn't exactly watching or focusing what was on-screen nor was I paying attention to Alice as she desperately tried to distract me from the pain of the reality I was facing. We had been focused on the movie yet when Renee burst through the archway from the Cullens' foyer, Alice jumped in shock. Carlisle and Esme were following behind her helplessly, looking over at me worriedly. Once Renee had spotted me on the couch, she raced over and grabbed me into a tight hug. She was crying, saying she had been worried about me. I reached up and patted her back slightly, unable to reciprocate a tight hug back to her. She pulled away from me and began rambling about how she couldn't believe that Charlie was gone and that she'd be doing everything in her power to take care of me, that she wanted me to come back with her to Seattle.
"No." I had simply said that, which shocked everyone in the room.
"What?" Renee squawked at me when I refused to give into her request to go back with her.
I refused her again, saying that I wasn't going to uproot myself once again from school to go back with her to Seattle. After I had finished freshman year and fled from Arizona to escape Joshua, I only went through one year at a Seattle high school and once I had come back to live with Charlie, that's when I had fought against FSA's original 'boys only' policy for admission. I didn't want to move around again - that was my biggest argument. Sure honestly I'd like to be close to my only other living blood relative - aka my mother - but I also didn't want to be away from my friends. I certainly didn't want to be away from Edward. I had expressed it to her that I was tired of moving around between schools like I had been and I said I was going to stay here in Forks, that I was going to get my high school diploma at only one high school and not be uprooted. I was rather deadpan with my delivery and I knew that my biting tone was hurting her feelings. She looked completely hurt and upset with my words and looked as if she was wanting to fight me on it. But Carlisle and Esme had stepped in then, saying they would like to have a private chat with her. So they managed to snag her away into their dining room and they discussed the matter amongst themselves for awhile. I stayed with Alice, which also I noted at some point Edward briefly came down from his room and hung around on a nearby armchair to watch the movie with us.
I desperately wanted to in that moment run to him, curl and cuddle up into his chest and sob my eyes out while he would hold me tight and do his best to comfort me. It sucked that while I would be staying with the Cullens, I couldn't go to my boyfriend at night and sleep with him. All I wanted was to be held by him and be comforted by him, yet we still had to keep up the pretenses that we're not close with one another - let alone could even consider ourselves acquaintances.
My very first night at the Cullens had left me texting Edward that I missed him and needed him at my side. After a few minutes when I texted him that, there had been a knock at my door...
I heard the quick rapping of knocks at my closed bedroom door. I was staying in a spacious guest bedroom at the Cullen home after they had welcomed me to stay with them. It was a disastrous first day after discovering my dad's crime scene when we came back, and I was exhausted all around. When I had gone to bed I couldn't fall asleep and resorted to texting Edward that I needed him. So when I stood up to open the door, there he was in all his sexy glory. He was dressed with long pajamas pants and a long sleeved blue shirt over his muscular chest. He looked just as tired as I had been; his expression was the ever-present worry. He was deeply concerned for my mental and emotional state, and all throughout the day I noticed he would stare at me. I had been forced to stick with Alice and Rosalie before she and her brother left; my best friends had tried to be there for me and did what they thought could be good distractions of either watching movies or going over details of the competition, or even prom - but it did nothing to help alleviate my sadness so I pretty much sat there for the day with them being a silent husk of a person.
Once I had opened the door, we stood there in silence for what felt like hours but likely was only a few seconds. I snapped out of my surprise - shocked that he actually was risking our secret relationship to sneak down here to see me - to launch myself into his arms. Edward caught me easily and held me tightly against him, stroking my back when I began to sob into him. He soon eased us back into my room and closed the door behind him, leading me back to the bed. He coaxed me to sit in between his legs and he sat up against the back-board of the bed holding me while I sobbed into him. I felt at ease once I was in his arms again, feeling as if this was the closest thing to 'home' that I needed in that time. Edward never spoke a word nor did he try to lull me with false words of comfort that things would be okay. Things would definitely not be okay for awhile, and likely it would take ages before I could even remotely feel like myself again. But Edward would be here for me as best as he could be, holding me tonight and letting me cry it out.
Once I had calmed down just a bit after crying for who knows how long, I pulled back and looked up at him. He had tears of his own running down his face, and looked down at me with a great sorrow. "I'm sorry..." I whispered to him but he shook his head at me.
"Don't apologize for crying, love. Please, never apologize for it." Edward whispered back fiercely, cupping my cheek with one of his hands. He bent down and kissed my forehead first, before capturing my lips for a searing quick kiss. When he pulled away, we were both gasping for air, but he never pushed me further than just a kiss. "I only wish I could do something to take away this pain that you're going through. I'm so sorry this happened to you - you don't deserve any of this or to be going through this situation. God... I swear to you though Bella, we will find a way to make whoever did this pay for their actions. But above all else - I swear to you that I will never let anything happen to you. I promise to protect you with every fiber in my being - for you and for... for Charlie." he continued with conviction; a small sob bubbled past my lips when he said my dad's name. When he heard it, he sobbed as well and hugged me tightly once more. This triggered another sobbing fest from me and once again Edward held me silently letting me cry it out.
After I had calmed down from his words, Edward stayed with me until I had fallen asleep. Likely though at some point in the night, he had slipped away before morning to return back to his room because when I woke up the next morning (which was the next day of when Renee had dropped by to try and take me back with her to Seattle), Edward was gone from my side. But of course when I had been sat down in the living room with Alice to watch another movie, Edward had joined us and hovered nearby. Alice didn't even say anything snarky to him when she noticed he joined us, but of course she also didn't invite him into any conversations that she tried having with me. Edward just stayed nearby and was a silent guard for me, glancing over at me every so often.
Finally though Renee had left the Cullen home that day; after Carlisle and Esme had done what they could to convince her that I'd be in good hands with them until it was time for me to go back to school with the rest of the teens, Renee had come over to me to give me one last hug and cried for a bit. She was a bit hurt that I was still adamant in refusing to leave Forks, but she also understood it from my perspective and frankly she didn't want to stress me out anymore than I already was after everything that's happened. She told me that if I changed my mind then she'd be a phone call away, but that she would let me be independent and won't push me into anything that I didn't want to do. With one last promise that she'd be keeping in touch with me about details on Charlie's funeral, Renee left the Cullen home.
And so I stayed there with the Cullens for the next few days. Renee did everything in terms of preparing the whole funeral - and she was quick about it. She managed to rally the whole town of Forks together between funding for the procession, funding for a fancy headstone and a decent plot of where he'd be buried. The police department and her had constant discussions about who would be getting his flag and other ceremonial bits that they do for fallen officers; Renee decided that all of it should go to me considering I was his daughter. They didn't fight on it and readily accepted that I should gain rights to all of it - and I of course pleaded no contest to either.
One part of me was dreading the day of burying my father, while another part wanted to find peace that my dad would be able to rest. I was at odds with myself over the matter - of course a huge part of me was angry that he was ripped away from me so violently. My father was a good man after all; he was a sweet teddy bear to those he cared about, fiercely loyal to friends and loved ones until the end. He did what he could to maintain a friendship with his ex-wife after all - an amicable, neutral friendship for the sake of me namely. But he still cared about my mother even after their divorce. He never would admit it out loud but he still had feelings for Renee even after their split. I could see it in his eyes everytime he'd meet with her. I had hopes that one day they could put their differences aside and possibly talk it over that perhaps they could try their relationship once more. But I also knew that it was a far-off dream that they'd get back together so I was happy that they tried to maintain at least a friendship for the sake of keeping me happy.
But another part of me only wishes that after his violent end, that we can do it right by him and put him to rest. And that in the end we can find whoever did this - and that we serve them justice for what they did.
And so, that brings us to today. The funeral of my dad. The whole town of Forks planned on being there for the funeral; several people would be speaking on his behalf. I would be the last person to speak about him - and they wanted me to also sing for him. It was incredibly cruel on one hand that my mom, with the knowledge that I was involved with my school's singing competition, that she had managed to convince me to sing at my dad's funeral. It was cruel in the sense that somewhere in the back of her head, she knew that Charlie never heard me sing before he died and now he never will know how well I am at it - but rather now here I am going to be singing a song for him at his funeral. I did manage to find a song for him that I knew if he had heard it he would love it; it was an almost sappy song but I also knew he loved listening to it when he wanted to be in touch with his softer side. He'd listen to it here and there where I'd catch him listening to it on the off times I'd visit him when I was growing up. So I felt like it was fitting to sing it for him today.
Another knock came to the bathroom door. I stepped away from the sink and opened the door, finding that Edward was standing behind it now. Even dressed for a funeral, my secret boyfriend looked handsome as ever. He was dressed in a black button down under his black suit ensemble while his bronze hair was mussed up perfectly. Edward's emerald eyes scanned between my blank face, to my bloodshot eyes and the tear tracks left on my cheeks. Then he reached out to graze his fingers across my arm; I had been wearing a simple black long sleeved dress that was about mid-thigh in length before it went to my dark tights and black flats. Over top my dress I wore a long black cardigan. My brown hair was brushed through and pinned halfway up but nothing special was done; no curling or anything intricate. Beyond my attire, I also wore my charm bracelet from my dad, along with the necklace and earrings I had received from Edward over our ski trip. The charm bracelet had become a permanent fixture on my wrist after I had lost my dad and no one questioned it. After his fingers had grazed down my arm, they gently touched my bracelet before he lightly laced his fingers through mine.
"Came up here to retrieve you. It's time for us to head out." Edward quietly murmured to me, squeezing my fingers. I nodded to him, sighing heavily. Edward gently guided me out of Alice's room and let me walk ahead of him to head downstairs. When we got down to the first floor, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Alice were waiting for us in the foyer. They were of course dressed in black clothing. Once we had joined them, Alice reached over and grabbed my hand, her face looking worried and sad. Yet she gave me a tiny smile, probably one of encouragement. I couldn't give her one in return but I gave her a small nod to acknowledge her efforts. Carlisle then led us outside to where the large Cullen family SUV was sitting. It was normally a two-row car but the back could convert into a third row if it was needed, and it was perfect for today where Carlisle and Esme took the front, Alice and I were in the middle row and the boys took the last row of the car. Then Carlisle eased us away from their home and out onto the roads. The car ride was silent while we drove into Forks; the only sounds that could be heard was the gentle tapping of light rain hitting the car. It was a completely overcast cold day with light snow on the floor; there had been concerns initially that it wouldn't be possible to bury my dad today due to the ground likely being frozen over with frost. However it wasn't that horribly cold despite it being January - at least for today. The snow had melted slightly where the ground was soft enough for it to be dug up so at least we didn't have to worry about it.
We finally reached the large church - the church that actually Angela's father was the lead pastor at - that sat in town and where the first portion of the funeral would be held. Then we'd be moving to the cemetery where we'd bury Charlie. Outside there were several townsfolk standing around under the cover of their umbrellas, where they were talking amongst themselves. Carlisle parked his car and we exited the vehicle. Alice walked alongside with me as we proceeded towards the front door, guiding me past the adults of the town; Carlisle was stopped by some of them and thankfully did what he could to distract them from trying to stop me. I knew everyone wanted to express their condolences to me but I was happy that Carlisle managed to get others focused on him rather than focus on me. Edward and Emmett followed behind us, but kept their distance. Emmett still was silent as ever and didn't plan on speaking up to me or wanting to engage with all of this - that much I was fine with. After months of torment from him and his snide, cruel remarks about me, I welcomed his silence. Edward only followed alongside him but was also not making any efforts to try and talk to his adoptive brother still after their fight.
When we were inside the church, I could see more townsfolk were in here chatting amongst themselves much like the ones outside were doing. The inside was only decorated in a minimalistic manner; black and white placements of color were here and there. Between ribbons tied in between pews, and white lily arrangements scattered around, the church was decorated in simplicity for something as depressing as a funeral. Up by the front, a floral wreath arrangement sat on a stand - in the middle was a large framed photo of my dad in his best dressed uniform from work. It was an academy-based photo of when he was promoted to Chief of Police, one they had redone of him initially upon promotion and when he was a bit younger. Yet it was still my dad in all his glory in that photo - a simple small bushy smile on his face and his brown eyes crinkled with pride. He had tried taming his dark curly hair in the photo. The picture captured the best of my dad while I stared at it. I could feel my eyes stinging briefly with a new round of tears when I spotted it. Next to the photo lied the casket that held my dad inside; it remained closed thankfully. Over the top of it laid an American flag, one that which by the time we bury him it'll be folded and handed over to me. Next to the casket, my mom was standing beside it and talking to some townsfolk. She was dressed in a simple black fitting dress and black heals, while she had her curly brown hair pulled back into a small bun. On her head she had a hat that had a black veil covering her face. It was really playing into a widow stereotype even though she's been divorced from my dad for awhile...
"Bella!" I jumped slightly from the sudden loud voice, before noticing that Jessica, Angela and Rosalie were walking up to Alice and I. They were all dressed up in black dresses, keeping it simple and understated. I glanced behind me briefly and noticed that Jasper had came up to Edward and Emmett, chatting with them. They were some distance away now, choosing to separate from us. I focused back on my friends who were starting to give me hugs. "I'm so sorry Bella." Jessica murmured to me then, her eyes look glassy as she stared at me with remorse and sadness. Jessica and Angela had to find out about my dad's death after Alice had texted them since they had been dropped off prior to me rejoining the others at the Cullen home. They wanted to come by after finding out yet Alice had convinced them that it'd be better to wait to see me since the pixie had informed them I was pretty much in a catatonic state and needed space to process everything.
Angela simply didn't say anything but only offered a tight hug to me. I took their hugs and reciprocated as best as I could, which felt like it wasn't enough to express my gratitude for them being there for me. I knew they were all concerned for me - I was a silent husk of my former self when they had been used to seeing me act jovial and energetic enough to be a normal teenager. Rosalie gave me a hug as well, rubbing my back in hopes of comforting me. "Did you want to hang out for a sleepover tonight?" Rosalie asked me quietly once she pulled away.
"I don't know, probably not. But maybe we can try having one when we get back to school." I murmured, shrugging my shoulders. Rosalie frowned but instead of fighting me on it, she nodded her head. Alice overheard the suggestion but also frowned at me response; thankfully she also didn't push me on it and squeezed my hand that was still in her tiny one.
"Bella." I turned upon hearing a familiar voice and looked up to see Jacob had found me. He was dressed up in black clothing much like everyone else, with his shaggy black hair starting to grow back out. Alice and Rosalie had already briefly met him when he had dropped by my house the other day where they waved to him in greeting. Jessica and Angela hadn't met him yet but otherwise said hi to him. They all stepped aside and let him squeeze in to give me a tight hug. I once again tried reciprocating a similar tight hug to him but only could muster a slight squeeze before he let me go. Behind him I noticed Billy was sitting next to him in his wheelchair, dressed in black clothing and a black cowboy hat on top of his head. Billy's face was marred with a heavy frown but he reached up and gave me a hug when I moved over around his hulking son to greet him and thank him for coming.
"It's not problem kiddo, of course we'd be here in a heartbeat for you." Billy murmured in his gruff deep voice, patting my back before letting me pull away.
"Do you want to sit with us Bella?" Alice asked me quietly, noticing that Rosalie, Jessica and Angela were starting to head to a pew where they'd be sitting together. I shook my head at her, frowning.
"I'll be sitting up near the front with my mom." I murmured and Alice nodded her head, her sweet small face looking foreign due to the fact that instead of her bright smile it's been permanently frowning ever since this all occurred. She'd try in giving me small smiles here and there still, in hopes of encouraging me to do the same - but she never forced me to smile and so often times the little pixie was just frowning the whole time alongside my own frowns. Jacob waved goodbye to the pixie when she had told me that they'll see me after the funeral, and there he walked me up to the front where my mom had said goodbye to her next round of townsfolk who were expressing their condolences to her. Jacob and Billy would be sitting with us up near the front as well, since Billy was like a brother to my dad. We'd also be joined by another close friend of his and I could see them sitting in the pews near the front. It was Harry Clearwater, with his wife Sue and their two teenaged kids - Seth and Leah. Harry was another resident on the Reservation but Billy, Charlie and Harry were all close friends. They knew each other when they were all teenagers and had been a tight knit group for years. Sue was like a sister to my dad and I recall only ever knowing the Clearwaters when I was younger. I had maybe met their teenaged kids once or twice when I'd come up to visit my dad before my mom and I had fled from Arizona and moved to Seattle. Harry was an older native with short, graying dark hair and weathered dark skin. He was dressed much like Billy sans the cowboy hat. Sue was a pretty older native with beautiful clear tanned skin, a perfect round face and long black hair that was starting to gray much like her husbands. She was dressed in a simple black dress and stuck close to Harry. Their teens were sitting beside them, listening to their parents. Leah I could tell was the older of the two, with tanned pretty skin, short dark hair that I could tell was naturally wild or spiked, and she was wearing a black blouse with a black skirt and flats. I could tell she naturally hated wearing girly clothing. As for Seth, he had a boyish young tanned face with natural smile lines forming on his face. He had chopped black shaggy hair - which likely had been long at one point but like Jacob had previously told me before, his dad managed to convince everyone down at the reservation to chop all the teen boys' hair - and he was wearing a black suit similar to Jacob's. Renee moved over to the pews to greet the Clearwaters before she noticed that Jacob, Billy and I were coming by to join them all.
"Bella!" my mother cried once she spotted me and she rushed over to engulf me into a tight hug. Jacob stepped aside awkwardly when she had rushed to me, and waited beside his dad. I only gave her a small hug back before she released me. "Oh sweetheart, you look like you haven't gotten much rest." Renee murmured and I shrugged at her.
"I haven't but can you blame me?" I muttered and she clucked her tongue at me sadly, shaking her head slightly.
"Nice to see you again, Renee. Although it would be nice to have it on better terms." Billy interjected then, trying to save me from a possible lecture from my own mom - at my dad's funeral no less. Renee looked up and smiled sadly at Charlie's old friend, before she moved over to him and gave him an awkward hug. She did the same to Jacob.
"I know I wish it could've been on better terms. But I appreciate you two coming by for this." Renee replied to him then, smiling sadly. Jacob guided me over to the pews to sit next to the teens, only pausing when Harry and Sue stopped me in giving me hugs of their own.
"I'm so sorry Bella." Sue murmured to me after she pulled away from our hug. My eyes were starting to prick again with tears at hearing how sincere she sounded. I knew Sue loved my dad like a brother and she cared about me even though I barely spent much time with them. But in the past whenever I'd come by to visit them down at the Reservation, Sue and I would spend time together through cooking or doing crafts and she'd tell me that my dad would never stop talking about me to them. I nodded to her and Harry, before Jacob continued leading me over to their teens to sit next to them. Leah and Seth stood up and gave me quick hugs and expressed their condolences to me, before I sat next to Seth. Jacob took up my right side and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, offering some solace. I desperately wished it could be Edward's arm around me, but I knew I couldn't have that right now. I did appreciate having Jacob be here for me though.
The rest of the townsfolk quickly came inside the church and took their seats, just as the Police department of Forks arrived and took their seats in the empty spots near the front of the church. Some came by to our front pew to express their condolences to Renee and I. I'd get up here and there, returning hugs to each officer that had been close to my dad and ones I knew closely as well. A fresh round of tears had finally peaked over my eyes by this point when they had came up, and I did what I could to get through it without breaking down into sobs. But when the last officer, Deputy Thompson in fact, had came by and gave me a hug and he sat down in his pew amongst the other officers, I sat back down to look up and find that Pastor Weber was now up at the front. Everyone in the church quieted down to focus on him now.
"Welcome everyone. I wish we could've been gathered here today under better, joyous circumstances. However as much as today is one filled with sorrow and grief, I would like to look on the bright side of today when I see all of your faces." Pastor Weber began, sighing and looking out to the filled church filled with Forks townspeople. "As much as we are here to mourn the loss of a wonderful man - a man who cared for his community and loved his family deeply -, it brings me pleasure seeing everyone here today for Chief Charlie Swan. Each of you are here today to pay your respects to him and his family, and are here in solidarity to remember the life of this exquisite example of a man that did his duty to protect everyone here. Charlie Swan was a loved Chief of Police, but he was a beloved father, a caring man to his ex-wife, and one that everyone could depend on him in their time of need. Charlie was always there to help out his community, or be there to share a drink. I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for coming today - and I am sure that both his ex-wife and daughter appreciate seeing all of your faces today as well." he continued, his dark eyes looking glassy when he spoke of this. I could hear from the crowded church that some murmured their agreements to the statement. Jacob squeezed my shoulder when he began speaking about my dad and I took a shaky breath to try and hold back a new round of tears and sobs to break free.
"Today, we will remember Charlie Swan for all of this and more. We've asked throughout the community if they'd like to share their own stories about our Chief. First we will start with our police department of course." Pastor Weber began, looking towards the congregation of police officers that were here today. Thompson was elected as the one to speak so he stood up and made his way to the front. Briefly, he stopped at the closed casket and briefly grazed it with a sorrowed expression. Then he made his way to the podium and shook hands with Pastor Weber before taking the microphone.
"Thank you Pastor Weber for your opening words." Thompson began, clearing his throat. "I'd also like to thank each and every one of you for coming today to this funeral. This would mean the world to Charlie if he could see everyone in the community coming together for this occasion. I too wish it could've been on happier terms but it brings a smile to my face, and warmth to my heart to see that Charlie not only had an impact on his loved ones, but also on the town as a whole." Thompson continued, stopping to again clear his throat as he was already starting to get choked up. He gazed out to the crowd, noting many were nodding their heads and were wiping at their eyes or sniffling. "I've known Chief Swan for years, and we were close friends. I always did what I could to have his back while he had mine. Chief Swan cared about every officer on the force and did what he could to ensure that each of us were safe on the job, and that we'd always make sure we'd make it home to our families. He was a caring, loving Chief that wanted everyone to be safe and happy. If you needed someone to come get your cat out of the tree, or help you move something - or just needed someone to talk to in your hour of need - Charlie would be there to comfort and help you out. He was everyone's friend, everyone's brother, and practically everyone's father. He was an amazing father to his sweet daughter, Isabella. Boy, I knew that little girl ever since she was a cute toddler and she is Charlie's world." he paused again to bite back a sob while he gazed over at me pointedly. A small sob bubbled past my lips at his words, where Jacob squeezed my shoulders in response.
"Charlie loved you and still does, Bella. His office had so many photos of you growing up, and he'd talk about you non-stop whenever we'd be on shift together. You were his world, you still are. And I know that he wants to see you thrive while he's gone. I can promise you this that while your father may be gone from this world physically, he's still with you watching over you. And you have everyone in the department there for you sweetie." he continued once more after biting back his own tears. I nodded up to him strongly at his words, crying heavily by this point. "I will just finish this by saying that I am saddened that our Chief is gone, but he will not be forgotten and he will still be here to watch over this little town. Please, never forget who he was and be there for one another like he was there for us." Thompson finished his speech, wiping at his eyes and coughing. Pastor Weber came up to shake his hand and gave him a tight hug before Thompson left the stage to go back to his seat. The other officers that were there gave him tight hugs and handshakes once he returned to them.
One by one townsfolk of Forks would come up and express their sorrow about losing Charlie, sharing small stories from over the years how Charlie would be there for everyone in some shape or form. Stories of how he'd rescue pets stuck in trees, scare off bears from properties, helped with moving furniture or sharing dinners with folks. Stories how he'd be there stopping crimes or helping people if they were injured, or helping on the roads if people's cars needed jumpstarts. Stories of just Charlie being everyone's friend when they needed help. Some would break down into tears when they'd recall, some would laugh through their crying. Each would express gratitude for the man that he was when they needed him the most. And each would take a second to express their condolences to me or to Renee about us losing him. An hour had passed by after over half of the town had taken their turns speaking about Charlie and all his deeds. Billy, Harry and Sue had gotten their turn and spoke up about stories about their teen years, about how close they had all been with one another. Some parts of their stories of their old antics earned watery laughter from the crowd, but the three had broken out into tears while they discussed about losing their dear friend. They each touched the casket on their way back to their seats, whispering words of missing him. Then Renee stood as it was now her turn. She took to the podium and looked out to the crowd, tears falling from her eyes.
"I'd like to thank each and every one of you for coming today." she began, taking out a little handkerchief to wipe at her cheeks. "I thank you all for sharing your stories of how Charlie's touched your hearts and your lives. Charlie was... and still is, a wonderful man. I find comfort and joy in knowing Charlie meant something to everyone here in this church. He was indeed everyone's friend, everyone's brother and overall meant something to this small town. He always had a way about him of just getting you to open up to him." she paused to laugh a watery laugh. "Charlie was a good man all around - a loving, caring, and warm man that would do what he could in his power to help you out if you needed it. He was trusting of everyone that he met and he could win you over with a cheesy joke. There were many great traits of this man that I loved even after we had our differences and separated. He still cared about me and I still cared about him. I never truly stopped loving him even though we knew we weren't meant for each other in the long run. That doesn't stop the relationship we had, even if the friendship we shared was also to at least keep the peace for our daughter. We still cared for one another deeply and would be there for each other should one of us needed the help. And he was there for me many times when I needed help - just like I had been there for him." she paused to clear her throat to work past the tears. "I would just like to say that hearing how he was brutally taken away from all of us - a man killed when he's never done anything wrong a day in his life... his killer is a coward and will certainly face the wrath of the justice system. Because I know for a fact that I will not let Charlie die in vain; he will get his justice for what has happened to him. So please, do right by Charlie and don't let the memory of him die with him. Like Deputy Thompson had asked, please be there for one another much like Charlie was always there for us." she concluded her speech about my father with a deep intake of breath while wiping at her eyes once more. When she had slipped into her part of condemning the people who had killed Charlie, I could see some of the townsfolk nod their heads sternly in agreement with her statement. Some even murmured quietly amongst themselves, verbalizing that Renee was right; whoever did murder my dad in cold blood was a coward and everyone in the town felt like they would definitely face the wrath that was justice whenever they'd be caught.
On her way back to the pew, she stood near my dad's casket. She placed a hand on top of it and stood there for a few minutes in silence, hanging her head low. She was left undisturbed for a time but then Renee had finally turned away and once again with her handkerchief, wiped at her eyes before she went back to our pew and sat down. Pastor Weber came back up to the podium once again once she had sat down and looked out to the crowd. "We have one more person who would like to speak today about Charlie. She will also at least dedicate a song to him after her speech. Isabella, whenever you are ready my dear, please feel free to come up to the podium." he announced to the crowd, glancing over at me. I took a steadying breath and nodded to him in acknowledgement. Jacob helped me up but I waved him off.
"You sure you don't want me to come up there with you?" he whispered and I shook my head to him.
"I'll manage. It's appreciated but please I want to try and handle this." I whispered back. Jacob bit his bottom lip and looked like he wanted to fight me on it but otherwise he gave up and nodded his head. After he sat back down I shuffled my way up to the stage. Pastor Webber gave me a small hug and whispered his condolences to me before he stepped away and let me stand in front of the podium. I glanced up to look out into the crowded church. Everyone was looking up to me with sorrowed expressions. I could pick out my friends who stared up at me worriedly. I could make out the expressions of my mother with the Blacks and the Clearwaters, teary-eyed and sniffling. I could see the worried sorrowed expression of my secret boyfriend as he sat helplessly with his family. I took a few steadying breaths to try and keep my emotions under control to a point, before I finally began speaking. "Thank you all for coming today. Much like what has already been said and expressed, I am happy to see you all here for my father. It shows just how much of an impact he's had on everyone in their lives and that everyone cared for him like he cared for you all." I began, waiting for the quiet murmuring to die down from those that voiced their agreements. "My dad was a great man. I only ever got to see him during the summer and holidays when my parents had split but even during those fractioned times, my dad went above and beyond to make every visit special and that much harder to leave him. I loved him with every fiber of my being, and I knew he loved me just as much as any father could love his only daughter. He did everything he could for me to make me happy. He also did everything in his power to keep my protected, safe and loved for in my darkest times a few years ago." I paused when I realized that I was starting to get choked up remembering all those years ago.
When I had first moved back from Arizona, only months after having been raped and abused by Joshua, my mom let me stay with my dad for that summer while I waited for sophomore year. My mom had told him everything that happened, that we had pressed charges against him and fled Arizona so that I could be protected. When I came over to his house that summer, Charlie greeted me at his door. There I stood dressed in summer attire, old bruises and cuts still healing after being assaulted. I had felt absolutely disgusted with myself from when it had happened. I didn't know how my dad would react when he'd see me in person.
We had stood there awkwardly for some time, silent. He was staring hard down at me for who knows how long while I shuffled on my feet. Then my dad gave a shuttering sigh and I looked up at him. He had tears pooling in his brown eyes while he stared down at me. "My sweet baby girl." he blubbered and then quickly engulfed me into a tight hug. I was startled from the suddenness but as soon as I was in my dad's arms, I felt it. It was an unwavering love that only a father could express and muster, especially from someone as awkward as Charlie. But it felt so warm and comforting, it was what I needed in that moment. Even when it felt like my world was crashing down around me, that I had something of mine violently taken from me and that I had been beaten, verbally and physically abused for awhile and made to feel so lowly of myself, my dad loved me unconditionally and would be there for me. Charlie would be there to protect me and ensure that he would do everything to make me feel better about myself and that he would be there to push me to keep moving forward.
Once I had felt everything like that through his hug, I broke down into wracking sobs and hugged him back just as tightly. He cried with me, rubbing my back and stroking my hair - doing anything he could to comfort me. I sobbed and sobbed in his arms for who knows how long, but Charlie was there for me.
When I came back to the present after reliving that memory, I had more tears flowing from my eyes than before and I had been silently staring out into the crowd who looked on waiting for me to continue. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes while I recalled the memory but I collected myself and cleared my throat again. "In my time of need, my dad was always there for me. It was in his nature to be there to help however he could. He was also just... an awkward man at times." I continued, taking a brief moment to let out a short chuckle, remembering some of the awkward moments that we shared. Between needing help during some monthly moments, or when he'd make messes at home, he was certainly an awkward funny but sweet man. "I gained his social awkwardness, but I also gained his tenacity to not give up on something. If he felt like it could be done, he was always going to make sure it got done - no matter how long it would take, or how difficult the task could be. He would never give up on something easily. And that went for people as well. My dad was just a great, honorable man through and through, and mattered to me more than I could ever realize." I paused again to look down and fiddle with my hands briefly. I was still trying to push the sobs down and needed a moment to wrangle my emotions. I took more steadying breaths, wiping the back of my hand across my cheek to get rid of the streams of tears that were never-ending. Finally when I felt like I had it under control, I decided I'd say one more thing about him before moving onto singing. I looked back out into the crowd and began again.
"I had to grow up very quickly at a young age when my parents split, and what I had faced in my past before ending up where I am now. My dad was always there for me when he could be, and he was there to help me along with things I shouldn't have to worry about at a young age - but he encouraged me to learn some independence, how to protect myself, and how to always pick myself back up if I ever fell to the ground. He was always there for me when I needed emotional support, and he was always there to protect me if I was in need of protection. Of course I'm devastated that he is gone as anyone should be - and I don't know if I will ever be able to not cry or be emotional if he is ever mentioned. But, my dad will always be with me while I continue going on about my life. He was there for me then and made sure that I could make it on my own if there was ever going to be a moment when he wouldn't be there to help me out. He made sure that I would be able to get up each day and face what it would bring so I'm not falling flat on my face lost and confused. That's all he wanted to accomplish in the end after all, at least how I see it. He made sure that I would be okay without him - emotionally I don't think I will ever be okay without him. But, at some point, I'll be able to manage it. He didn't leave me alone either - I know that I will have the support of my friends, my family, and the police department that were all like family to us. So while he isn't here physically anymore, my dad will be here still to watch over me and makes sure that I feel loved and protected." I concluded, nodding my head slightly. Once I had finished speaking, the crowd once again gave a few murmured replies in agreement with what I had said. Some even gave a few soft claps in response.
Once it had quieted again, I took another deep breath and then looked up at the crowd. "There was a song of his that he used to love hearing, and sometimes I'd sing with him on it. I'm involved with a music group now at my school, since there's a competition later on in this semester. I had told him about it and... He was so excited to hear about it, he wanted to hear me perform. But now he'll never get to hear me..." I trailed off, biting my bottom lip hard to suppress the new round of sobs that wanted to burst through. But I went through a round of slow intakes of breath to push past it before finally I nodded to Pastor Webber. He nodded in return and signaled to the person who would be playing the track for the song. The soft melody hit the speakers that were set up around the Church and soon I began to sing.
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.
The song hit me hard already as soon as the soft piano track hit my ears. This was one of his sweet and sappy songs that he loved. Charlie was often just an old rock, country type of listener when it came to his music. Yet this song held a special place in his heart and he loved it. I remember when I was a bit younger when I had heard him play this occasionally, he was often just listening to it when he was either cleaning his guns, or if he was cleaning the house and thought that I wasn't nearby; it wasn't until I was older that when he'd play this just when he was feeling emotional or feeling sappy, that I'd join in and sing with him. I often wondered if this song meant something to him simply because he listened to it when he was married to Renee and it was their song. But I never asked him nor will I ever get the chance to ask him if it was.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love.
Once I had finished singing, tears were flowing freely from my eyes and down my cheeks once more. I was surprised momentarily with myself that I was able to remain composed enough to keep a steady voice when singing and didn't break down into sobs once more. I looked out into the crowd once I heard gentle clapping, applauding for my performance. There was definitely no dry eyes in the crowd after my performance, since I could see many teary-eyed patrons looking up to me. Many were sniffling, and others were wiping obviously at their eyes. I could make out towards the far right side of the church the faces of my friends and my secret boyfriend; each looked like they had been crying with me (well except for Jasper and Emmett of course but they held somber expressions). The girls looked like they had wanted to run up to me on stage and engulf me into a huge group hug yet they remained in their seats. Edward had some tears falling from his eyes yet thankfully Emmett and Jasper didn't bother with questioning him why he was crying for me. I briefly locked eyes with him when I spotted him, and just ever so slightly he nodded to me. It went undetected by the others but I was able to catch it.
"That was a beautiful performance Isabella." Pastor Weber stated once he approached me at the podium. I nodded weakly to him, wiping at my eyes again while he gave me a hug. After I had pulled away from him, I walked down the steps and carefully made my way over to my father's casket. I had been avoiding it ever since we stepped foot into the church. I was unsure of honestly how I'd react when standing in front it but knew that it would be better for me to at least try and say goodbye to him before he was to be buried. I let my hand glide along the top of his casket while I walked around to the front of it. The church had grown deathly quiet, allowing me this moment with my dad. I hated that I had an audience while standing in front of it, but I tried my best to push everyone out, acting as if I was alone with him. I stepped forward and laid my forehead against the casket, feeling the flag that was laid atop it wrinkle slightly from my movement. I tried to focus on what I would whisper to him, wishing from my very soul that he could hear this himself.
"I love you daddy. I'm going to miss not hearing you when I call you up, or being able to feel your arms around me when you hug me. I'm going to miss your musky cologne that you always wore, and miss hearing all your stories of your latest fishing trip." I began quietly while taking a stuttering intake of breath. I knew I would crack the longer I stood here and it was just a matter of time. "How am I supposed to get by everyday knowing you're not going to be there waiting for me at home? How will I be able to tell you what college I get into when you're not here? How will I tell you that I'm getting married, or having my first child, when you're not here?" I continued, a sob starting to break through. I closed my eyes tightly when another round of waterworks was bursting through the dam. More memories flashed while I stood here talking to my dead father.
The first time he taught me how to ride a bike without training wheels. The first time he took me fishing. The times he took care of me when I was sick when I was young. The first time he met Joshua, when I had visited one summer with him. The time that I had come back home after being raped and my dad was there, swearing that I'd never be hurt again under his watch. The first day of school when I went to FSA and he looked ever so slightly miserable that I was leaving him. The time I went home for Thanksgiving and he met Edward officially, before agreeing that he would get him signed up to carry a weapon to protect. Christmas morning, when he got me so many heartwarming and thoughtful gifts. Every bit of fishing gears he got for me when he wanted me to go fishing with him again or the charm bracelet that sat on my wrist now. And then the final day I saw him alive when he looked like I was going away forever and would never see me again, giving me the tightest of hugs he's ever given. I wish I had more time to hug him, talk with him. I wanted to hear his laughter, listen to every mundane recounting of his boring days at work when nothing ever goes down in Forks - or listen to every boring story of his fishing trips with Billy. I wanted to be hugged again by his strong arms, breathe in his musky scent of his cologne. I wanted to feel his bushy mustache when he'd peck me on the forehead or cheeks and hear his whispered familial affections that he loved me. Everything that was Charlie I wanted it back. But I'd never have any of this again with him gone.
As I recalled all of these memories, the tears fell harder and that's when I couldn't hold it back anymore. I let the robotic façade fall as I gave in to letting loose loud, wracking sobs that broke the silence of the church. I wailed my heart out at the agony of the reality that was before me. My father was gone. I will never feel his hugs, his pecks on my forehead or cheeks. I'll never hear his laughter, his words of wisdom, his stern lectures or his idle chatter about his day. I'll never smell his 'dad' scent. I had him in my world one minute, and the next he was violently ripped away from me. The sobbing grew and grew in volume while I collapsed against his casket. "Daddy!" I wailed brokenly, my fists clenching against the flag. It wasn't fair that he was gone from my life. Why did it have to be him?
I fell to the floor in the middle of my crying, curled in over myself. It was starting to become harder and harder to breathe the more I sobbed on the floor. It felt like my throat was closing while my chest ached since it felt like my heart was ripped from me. I don't know how long I was there crying my eyes out but suddenly I felt strong arms wrap around me. They felt familiar, inviting and comforting. Once I registered someone was hugging me and trying to pull me up, I allowed myself to uncurl from my hunched position and threw myself at the person hugging me. That's when I smelled a familiar sweet, spicy scent that I knew all too well.
Edward.
He had gotten up from his sitting position with his family and raced over to me to engulf me into a tight embrace. I was briefly shocked when I recognized it to be him, but I also welcomed his touch. It felt right to be in his arms again. Once I realized it was my secret boyfriend hugging me, the sobs hit me harder than they had been all day - even harder than when I had spent the first night at the Cullen home and had begged him to come see me that night. It was like my world was centered briefly once he held me again. My hands wound themselves around his neck tightly while I cried my eyes out into his chest, knowing that I was ruining his suit. But I don't think Edward cared one bit. He held me against him just as tightly, kneeling on the cool floor with me. I felt him stroking my back while he tried to calm me down. "Shhh, I got you Bella. I got you." Edward whispered into my ear, trying all that he could to calm me down. I remained in his arms for who knows how long, sobbing into him while the Church let us be. I didn't care if everyone saw us together. Of course the regular townsfolk would think this to be a sweet moment, but I knew that Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie would be utterly confused as to why I was allowing him to comfort me like this. The four of them didn't know still about our relationship and were still believing that the two of us didn't like one another. I knew that Edward likely would get flack for this later by his adoptive brother and best friend - well mostly from Jasper as I'm not sure if Emmett would even question him on this due to their disagreement from the Lodge. But my friends would no doubt question me about this.
Finally when my sobs had quieted down, Edward pulled me back to wipe away some of the remaining tears on my face. I gave him a small smile, praying that he understood my silent thanks. I wanted desperately to kiss him in this moment for being there for me, but I didn't want to expose our relationship so suddenly and especially not at my dad's funeral. Edward returned my smile with one of his own and nodded his head. When I glanced around I noticed that Alice and Jacob had joined us, hovering nearby. Likely Alice had bolted up at the same time Edward had raced over to me, and the same with Jacob. Neither wanted to pry us away from one another, but rather respected that Edward was trying to help calm me down. I could see it in Alice's grey eyes that questions were bouncing back and forth while she stared at her adoptive brother hugging me. But she left it alone and wasn't going to ask me right there and then why I was hugging him willingly. She was focused on me and my needs, and wanted to be there to support me. Jacob hovered behind me with a warm hand on my back and when I looked back at him, he held that same permanent worried expression on his face that everyone had at this time for me. He wanted to also be here to comfort me, but let me have my moment with Edward. Jacob of course knew that I would feel better if I was in the arms of my secret boyfriend and it felt great knowing that he knew of our relationship. He respected my desires to be held by him and wasn't going to pull me away until I was ready for it. I nodded to the two of them in appreciation as well to silently thank them for coming to me like Edward had, and the two of them nodded back down to me.
Edward helped me stand on my feet, squeezing me one last time before he let me go and Jacob took over in holding me. Edward and Alice gave me one more look before they turned to head back to their seats. Jacob guided me back to my seat as I worked on wiping away my tears, noting the quiet murmurs in my direction and the scene the whole church had witnessed. Once I sat down again, I noted that everyone in our pew reached out to me to hopefully comfort me after my breakdown. Pastor Webber called our attention back to the front, where I noted he wiped at his own eyes after my display of emotions in front of my father's casket. "I give you my deepest condolences Isabella. Only from looking on the outside inward, I can only guess the sheer amount of pain and sorrow you and your mother are facing with this loss. Please don't hesitate to reaching out those that obviously care about you. I can see you have a deep rooted connection with your friends. Rely on their comfort in these trying times as they will surely help you find your way to achieving the peace that you need in this time." he stated, looking down at me with a sad look. I nodded to him to show I had heard him and knew what he meant, where I'd be taking it to heart.
Pastor Webber then said a few closing words before he announced that we'd be moving this funeral to the cemetery where it was time to bury my dad. The church crowd stood and began dispersing to the outside. Meanwhile several cops took to moving to his casket and worked on grasping parts of it to lift it up to their shoulders. I left the church with my mom, the Blacks and the Clearwaters where we went out to the front steps and stood on either side of the stairs mixed with the crowd that was the town. A hearse was waiting below the steps, its doors opened. I could also see other cops outside lining the steps of the church. My mother and I stood in between two of them at the bottom of the stairs. Once the doors opened again, the cops that were carrying my dad's casket began walking out, carrying him down to the awaiting hearse. Each of them held solemn, sorrowed expressions while they carried their fallen brother to the car. Many of them had tears streaming down their eyes. The officers that were outside with us each raised an arm in salute and kept it that way while the ones carrying him down had passed them. I felt more tears come down my cheeks when they finally reached the final step, and could hear my mother give a small sob beside me. They loaded him into the hearse and after closing the door, my mother and I nodded to the ones that carried him. I could see Deputy Thompson amongst them, who nodded back to us in response.
Rather than sticking around in letting people talk to me, I slipped away and walked towards the Cullens' SUV. I stood beside the car silently, looking down at the asphalt. I wasn't there by myself for long when I heard approaching footsteps. I looked up and saw the Cullens were approaching the car. "We were hoping to find you in the crowd of the town but your mom had said you left her and went to the parking lot." Alice said to me once they had all reached me by their car. I nodded slightly to confirm her story while she reached over and gave me a small hug. I reciprocated it, feeling my heart pang slightly when she had given me the brightest smile in days. I think she was ecstatic for the gesture since it was different from my unwavering blank face or emotionless reactions when I didn't really give her a hug in return for these past few days.
"We should head to the cemetery then. They're getting ready to pull away with the hearse." Carlisle quietly announced when he looked back towards the Church. I glanced over towards the Church to see that many of the townsfolk had either hovered near the church or were returning to their cars, not wanting to waste time with idle chatter about the funeral. Several cops were returning to their vehicles to escort the hearse. There were also several cops on their motorcycles who would lead the procession, sitting down on their bikes and suiting up to get onto the road. I could see my mom was getting into her car now, with the Black and Clearwaters also gone - likely in their own respective cars. I nodded to Carlisle then when he looked back down at me, as if silently asking if I was ready to go. Once I had given my silent answer, we piled back up into the SUV in similar fashion when we had left to arrive to the Church in the first place. We waited until finally the cops on their motorcycles were given the okay to lead the procession, where they each turned on their lights and sirens and they left in their formation with the hearse pulling out of the parking lot. More cops on bikes followed behind it, before the cops in their cruisers followed after them. Finally, Carlisle pulled out after they had and we began our slow drive toward the cemetery. More cars had pulled out after us, where soon we took up what little space was on the road as the whole town followed us that cloudy morning.
It was a slow quiet drive while we followed the hearse to the local cemetery, where no one wanted to strike up idle conversation in the small confined space. I appreciated the silence while I stared out the window mindlessly, taking in the sight of the passing trees. It took possibly ten minutes to make it to the cemetery since it wasn't even far at all, and even with the slow pace we were going we reached it in no time. The cops with the hearse pulled in and stopped at the entrance of the cemetery. We parked and left the vehicle, slowly making our way further in while the rest of the town arrived. The police force went towards the hearse and worked on unloading my father's casket, while one of them had bagpipes that was pulled out of an officer's trunk. Once the townsfolk of Forks were out of their cars, my father's casket was raised on the shoulders again just as another officer gave out a shout to the one with the bagpipes to begin playing. The officer began to play, which turned out to be the usual procession music that you'd often hear on TV shows for officer funerals. There, the officers carrying my dad began to slowly walk further into the cemetery where they'd be carrying to his burial plot. Pastor Webber who had arrived shortly after we did, was in front of our group and started to walk after them. I was following behind him with the Cullens, where Alice stayed closely at my side holding onto my hand tightly. Carlisle and Esme were behind us, with Emmett and Edward behind them. And behind the Cullen family was my mom with the Blacks and Clearwaters, before it gave way to the rest of the townsfolks that had joined us today.
We slowly all walked into the cemetery together as the officer on the bagpipes played his tune. We were a quiet crowd while we walked; at times I'd hear someone sniffle or give way to crying. I had let my tears fall silently once more and seemed to have returned to my catatonic state while I mindlessly followed after my dad's casket and Pastor Webber. I paid no mind to the surrounding tombstones, or to Alice's hand that was squeezing mine occasionally. I paid no mind to the fact that while it was overcast, I could hear the low rumbling of thunder far off in the distance signaling that a storm was going to be encroaching upon us son. I paid no mind to my surroundings when we had finally reached the plot and sat down in the chairs that were set up, or the fact I didn't see the tent that covered the deep hole in the ground where the officers had lowered my dad's casket onto the device that would lower him into the ground. I could only suddenly tune into where we were when I had heard several townsfolk approaching me and once again whispering their condolences to me before they'd take their seats that were arranged the plot where my dad was to be buried. The tombstone that held his name, along with his birthdate and the day he died, sat in front of the hole, the polished marble looking shiny and reflective. I noted the message that had been put on there and felt it was fitting for him.
A loving father to his daughter, and a wonderful man to the town of Forks. He will be greatly missed.
It was short and sweet, yet conveyed everything that needed to be said about him.
Once all the townsfolk had sat around the burial plot, Pastor Webber once again took the stage to leading us all in a quiet prayer. We all bowed our heads as he spoke out loud to the crowd. "Lord, we ask you today to please take this wonderful man into your warm embrace. Please we ask that you greet him at your gates with the same care and compassion that he gave to our town as he looked out for every single person. We ask that you give him his rightful place as the protector still over his beloved daughter Isabella, and his caring ex-wife Renee - please shelter them in your embrace and give them peace knowing their loved one is at ease in heaven, but that they will always be watched over by Charlie Swan and by your grace." Pastor Webber stated out loud with slight grandeur. He continued to pray out loud for peace and safety over our town, pray that we get through our own sicknesses and that we can come together as a town for one another. Once he had closed the prayer, the officer on the bagpipes began playing once more while they took the flag off of his casket and folded it expertly. Deputy Thompson had been given the flag after one of the other officers had finished folding it, and he walked slowly over to my mom and I where we were seated next to one another. He looked down at me with tears running down his cheeks and his eyes somber looking as ever. My mother was already crying once more with silent sobs as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I looked up at him with my own tears streaking down my cheeks, and nodded to him slightly.
"For you, Bella." he murmured quietly and extended the folded up flag to me. I gulped my sob back and reached out with shaky hands, taking it from him. Then after it was in my lap, I looked up at him biting my bottom lip to hold the new round of sobs while he let a small one of his own out from his mouth before he quickly saluted me. I bowed my head to him in thanks and heard him walk away.
After the passing of the flag, they started to slowly lower the casket into the ground. Once it had been lowered all the way down to the bottom of the hole, several townsfolks stood up to walk to the hole before they tossed flowers - of varying types, either singular or in bouquets - down to his casket. My mother had bought a bouquet for the both of us and stood over the hole to throw it down to his casket. The Cullens had thrown theirs down, along with the Blacks and Clearwaters, where they were the last to do so. Then, with the officer still playing on his bagpipes, the officers that had carried him worked on filling the hole up with the dirt they had used when digging up the plot. It took awhile for it to be filled back up again but the townsfolk remained until the last bit of dirt was on the plot, with it now completely sealed. It was silent the whole time as we all listened to the bagpipes player and watched them fill the hole. As soon it was all pressed into the ground, only then did the townsfolk began standing to leave. Once again they each approached me and murmured their condolences to my mother and I. Renee talked with each of them briefly here and there, but I was a silent husk beside her, staring at my father's plot in the ground. I remained like so until the last of the townsfolk had left us. The Blacks and Clearwaters remained behind to lead Renee back to her car, while the Cullens were starting to slowly make their way back to their cars. All except Edward who lagged behind.
"I need a bit." I muttered to my mom when she tried pulling me away from my dad's gravesite.
"Bella..." she murmured, coming back to stand beside me. She wanted to pull me away, especially so since the storm was nearing us. The thunder was louder than from earlier and it was starting to sprinkle, meaning rain was not far behind. Renee didn't want me to be caught in the middle of the storm and potentially get sick but she also didn't want to deny me my time with my dad.
"Please." I muttered to her, still not looking away from the plot. Renee continued to hesitate beside me as I knew she wanted to with me but eventually she relented. She gave a sigh and nodded her head, letting me go. I went to kneel beside my dad's plot, hearing her walk away and leave me alone.
"Edward?" I heard Esme call to her adoptive son then since they were starting to leave but noticed my exchange with my mom and the fact that Edward wasn't readily following after them.
"I'll catch up." I heard him murmur to her out loud, but I didn't turn to see their exchange. Eventually I heard their footsteps retreating at the same time I heard him approach me. He sat down beside me and I could feel his gaze while he sat beside me silently. When I finally tore my tired eyes away from my dad's gravesite, I looked up to find him sitting closely beside me with a sorrowed expression on his face; his emerald eyes looked glassy while he stared down at me. "I'm here for you love." he whispered to me. I nodded my head to him firmly and reached out to put my tiny hand into his large one. Once I had been able to touch him again, I felt grounded once more. I gave a small sigh and Edward looked over at me with questions swirling behind his eyes.
"Anytime I've been able to touch you or be in your arms during all of this... I feel grounded." I murmured to him, looking up at him. His eyes were transfixed on me and he listened to me silently. "I don't think I'll be okay for a long while... But as long as I can have you hold me or my hand, I feel centered again; my life's thrown off kilter by this point and I feel as if I will never stop falling after losing him... But you're here with me and each time I can be with you, I feel like I'm home." I continued to try and explain to him, hoping he could understand what I'm trying to convey to him. I knew that it would be a very long time until I'd be feeling like myself again - or at least as close to my normal self as I could get while mourning the loss of my father. But Edward would be here to support me and every time I could be with him, it felt like I had found myself again. It felt like my universe was righted once more, that I was floating aimlessly looking for something to tether to and each time I was with him, I felt as if I had found my tether to be grounded to earth once more. "My dad was my rock for years." I tried to keep explaining to him, looking back at my dad's tombstone. I gulped back my sob when I looked at it. "I don't think I really ever was a complete daddy's girl or that I couldn't hold my own without needing him there every step of the way. But after everything I had faced up until losing him - my dad was always there to protect me much like you have been. Every lesson that I had experienced growing up, he was there guiding me. Riding my bike, first day of school, helping me get back on my feet when I'd get hurt, teaching me how to fish, being there for me when I'd come home to visit him, being there for me when I had came home after being raped and promising he'd keep me from ever being near Joshua - Charlie was there for me when I needed him the most." I murmured brokenly, sniffling as the newest round of tears once again made their appearance. I looked up at Edward and saw he was staring down at me with tears falling from his eyes while he frowned.
"But now... you're here for me. I'm so happy that he got to meet you... He honestly liked you so much and I could see he trusted you to take care of me." I whispered, a watery smile gracing my face. Edward nodded his head before he pulled me into his side. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I took in deep breaths, inhaling his scent. I let a small sob burst past my lips while Edward held me against his side. "I wish he could be here for all the rest of my firsts that I want to experience with you." I murmured up to him, sniffling harshly.
"Oh Bella..." Edward whispered, releasing a shaky breath. I looked up at him and saw he wiped at his tears. "I know sweetheart and I so desperately wish I could bring him back for you. I hate seeing you in this much pain... I want to take it away from you because lord knows I know what it feels like..." he trailed off and I wrapped an arm around his waist while he took in a stuttering breath of his own. "I might not have had much time with my own parents but... I still have memories of them before I lost them at a young age. I was so young and confused but that doesn't mean I didn't feel their missing presence. Carlisle and Esme have provided a loving home for me more than I could ever ask for, but it'll never bring back the love I had felt from my own birth parents before they died... There'll still be a missing place in my heart for them and not a day goes without at least thinking about them." Edward continued quietly, looking down at me with a sad smile.
Edward knew what I was going through. I lost my beloved dad, but Edward lost both of his birth parents so suddenly just like I had. He could relate to losing a loved one for sure, and that's why I knew he'd be able to help me get through this. Even if he lost his at a young age when back then he couldn't understand the concept of death, he wasn't a dumb kid. He knew that his parents were gone from his life when he been moved and adopted by Esme and Carlisle. He knew something wasn't right when he never saw them again - and eventually he was smart enough to make the connection before his adoptive parents had to tell him the truth that they were no longer alive. I knew that hole could never truly be filled even though Carlisle and Esme provided a warm, caring, and loving home to him over the years. I knew Edward loved them deeply but he missed his birth parents everyday of his life. He came to terms with it of course, at least he told me as much while we had been getting to know each other. He had told me that he lost them to a deadly car crash one night when they had been out on a date with one another. Edward had told me that one day he hoped to look more into their past to better understand who they were, and that one day he wished to go back to Chicago and see them since that's where they were buried. But he wanted to wait until he was ready to face it. He had come to accept the loss of them years ago and felt content in being where he was now with the Cullens, but knew that one day he'd open that book on his own terms.
But that's still what made me love Edward all the more. He knew what I was going through, what pain and confusion I was facing as I felt lost without my dad. I might still have my mom, but Edward knew that I loved my dad deeply and was closer to him than her despite being with her more when I was growing up. She was after all my savior in having us flee Arizona after I had been raped by Joshua and was there to support me when I overturned FSA's old policy of being an all-boys school. I loved my mother I really did; but losing my dad was like ripping out a part of me that I wouldn't be able to ever replace. And he understood that feeling. He knew the grief I was undergoing, he knew the pain and the sorrow. He wasn't going to fill my head with false statements that it'd be okay - it wasn't going to be okay for awhile. Only until I was ready would it really finally ever be 'okay' for me while I have to go through each day knowing Charlie was gone. And Edward was going to be there for me however way he could. I knew it was going to be tough for him to hug me and comfort me while we're back at school - which would be in another day or two sadly. I knew for a fact after today, the girls who had seen our display when he hugged me in the church would be questioning me when they felt it was alright to approach me with such a thing. He would likely be interrogated but it didn't matter. I knew it didn't matter to him as much as it didn't matter to me. He cared more about comforting me in my time of need than keeping our relationship a secret from our friends. He put me before the silly feud that was still in place. It showed me everything about his character and why I loved him.
And so that's how we spent some time together in front of my father's gravesite. Edward remained beside me when I needed him the most, holding me against him while I cried. He'd rub my arm occasionally, stroke my hair or lean down to kiss me - be it my forehead, my cheeks or my lips. Edward offered what comfort he could in my time of need but never had to say a word to express his condolences. I had heard all of the condolences the townsfolk had spoken to me a thousand times over and it meant little the more I heard it. But with Edward, he didn't need to say it over and over. He was just there for me and showed me the love and comfort that I needed in my time of need.
I knew that as long as I had him there for me, I felt deep down that I'd eventually be okay. And somewhere in my soul, I knew that Charlie was also comforted by the thought and sight of Edward being there with me.
And that gave me more comfort and hope than I could ever dream of.
A/N: Not going to lie I briefly got choked up writing this, as sad and sappy it might sound. I feel a bit attached to this iteration of Bella and the others, and it hurts writing a character death especially one that is for Charlie. He's a big ole sweetheart who loved his little girl very much. I know also it's going to be even harder later on when revisiting this. Slightly spoilery but eh if anyone who might be reading this has ready the original version might know what I'm hinting at.
Also, to note to some details or make note of some other things:
-Bella's backstory of her rape from Joshua. I'm not sure if I expressed the timeline other than through the backstory she provided the girls during their first sleepover. I might have to fudge it a bit but essentially it all happened back in Arizona where she mostly grew up there with Renee. Her rape and abuse from him happened within her freshman year of high school (rape more so near the end of the year) and she fled to have a sophomore year in a Seattle High school before she decided she wanted to attend a better school. That eventually led to her finding about FSA.
-Charlie and Carlisle did actually meet before he found out about Edward and Bella being a couple, and subsequently leading into Edward gaining his gun license. They had 'met' then for the first time arguably when in actuality in the first chapter Carlisle and Charlie met one another when the girls were arriving to the school. So slight continuity error but uh... that's just a legit oopsie since it had been awhile since I read back through the story.
-Finally I'm not sure if I remained consistent in terms of physical descriptions of some characters' traits (namely eye colors). I try to keep referring back to older chapters to be sure I'm not giving out the wrong colors or details. I'm mostly thinking back to like Emmett's eye color so I'd have to go back and reread again to be sure on which color I chose. It may hold a vital key part for a future plot anyways so I'd rather make sure before I finalize on his details.
Also, to make note of it too - this had to be the beefiest, longest chapter out of the whole story currently (nearly 18,000 words honestly). But it also felt entirely too wrong to break it up. I was trying my best to convey the feelings that the characters might be going through at this moment in time - aka Bella's grief but also her feeling despondent at points; a shell of herself now that her father is gone. Just that feeling of emptiness, that catatonic coma like state as if you're drifting in between while trying to find something to ground yourself while you cope with your loss. It might have been poorly expressed or at times chaotic with the writing in here but I tried is all I can say.
Anyways, any feedback is always appreciated. I apologize for any mistakes; I as always, try to proof-read as a go and before I post anything. But mistakes are bound to slip by my eyes still as I'm only human and doing this by myself.
Until next time,
~Lady Eleanora~
