Tw Attempted Suicide and Infant Death discussions

Chapter Text

The phone rang for what felt like ages when Charlie finally picked up.

"Hey mate, thanks for picking up. Why don't you tell me where you are and we can meet up and talk?"

"Yeah right, you'll just tell my mom. I'm not stupid."

"No mate, you called me. I won't break that trust. That is if you tell me where you are." Seeing Michaela's look, Ronan nodded.

"Just you?"

"Well me and your Aunt Michaela if that's okay?"

There was a long pause before a small, defeated "Okay."

"I'm at school. You know my new school?"

"Waterloo Road? Yeah, I know where that is I ... we will be there in five minutes. Do not move."

"Fine, but just you two. No one else," Charlie said before hanging up again.

"Okay, well you heard him. Michaela and I will go to Charlie, you guys should go see his mum and let her know what's going on."

"Yeah okay. We'll go talk to Aunt Rachel."

"Yes, take the radio. We'll have the other one," Kenzie said before she followed Phillip and Bolton out the door.

"Let's go," Ronan said before kissing his wife and grabbing his keys. "We can take my car, it will be faster."

"Yeah okay." Michaela agreed as she followed Ronan out to his car.

"Bolton, you need to keep calm. I know it's hard. I am pissed too, but Aunt Rachel needs us to remain calm."

"He's right, babe. You can't go off as much as you may want to. Right now you need to keep your cool. Promise me."

"Yeah babe, okay, I will keep my cool. Promise!" He said as they drove along to Catherine's. Phil shot Bolton one last look as he found a spot on Catherine's street. Bolton, however, was calm, almost eerily calm. Shaking his head he led the two up to Catherine's, knocking on the door.

"Can we come in?" Phil asked as soon as Catherine appeared.

"Yeah, 'course. Is everything okay?"

"Not really, no. Better if we talk with Rachel," Phil said as he and the others made their way into the living room. All calmness left his body when his eyes fell on Chris standing in the living room. Marching right up to him, Phil punched him hard. As Chris stumbled back Phil got ready to punch him again when he felt a strong hand on his arm stopping him.

"Nah man, he's not worth it. And here you were worried I'd lose it." Bolton said as he gently pushed his friend back towards the other side of the room.

Seeing the confusion and the anger Kenzie started talking. "Well, the reason they are so mad is Charlie. He called Ronan really upset just a few minutes ago. He was distraught, said he found out who his real dad is and he just wanted to, well, die. Ronan was able to get him back. He and Michaela are headed to him right now. Look, I won't say it's nothing to worry about but I think if he's reaching out that's a good thing. Plus Ronan took his radio…"

"So we'll be able to listen," Ann said as she reached out for the radio.

Kenzie paused before handing it over. "So tell me, how good is this Ronan? He looks like a kid."

"He is, but he's good. He's already excelling in the police department, plus he made a connection with Charlie." Catherine said as she squeezed Rachel's hand. "Charlie will be okay, we gotta trust that babe."

Rachel nodded, squeezing Catherine's hand when she heard two voices come onto the radio.

"So do you see him?" Ronan asked as he pulled in front of the school.

"Yup, up there on top of the roof. How the hell did he even get up there?"

"If it hasn't changed there's a way. Come on, let's go." Ronan said as he lead Michaela to the back of the school where there was an open door.

"Lock's been broken for years. So glad they bothered fixing it."

"Yeah, well let's be happy we can get up to him faster. Just take it slow when we get up there okay?"

"Wait, are you scared of heights?"

"I am not. I just don't like them. Now come on." Michaela whispered before she took off up the stairs. When they reached the top Michaela took the lead as they made their way to the edge of the roof. Both of them took a seat on either side of Charlie. Charlie laughed a bit as he watched Michaela refusing to look down.

"Oh shut it, Charlie. I don't like heights."

"I'm sorry. You must really care to be up there then."

"Yeah, I do mate. We both do. And we are not leaving here unless it's all three of us walking away."

"What she said, mate. We can sit here all night if we have to, there's no rush." Ronan backed up Michaela with a smile.

"I don't know what there is to talk about. I just wanna die."

"That's the perfect place to start. Tell us why you wanna die."

Charlie looked between the two adults before shrugging.
"Well, I can't get my dad … I guess he's not even my dad anymore. Anyways, I can't get him out of my head. All the horrible things he said the night of the accident. And really all the time. You know that maybe he was right. Everything would be better if I was just gone. Mom's sad all the time. Addie is so nervous, won't even let me go to the bathroom in peace."

"Well, how about we start there? What did your dad say that night?"

"I don't know if I should tell you. Some of it's kinda private. And about my mom."

"We won't tell mate. This is a safe space. You know, as long as you stay still," Ronan said, fighting the urge to move closer to the teen.

Charlie looked back at Michaela once more before spitting in his hand. "Spit shake, just like we did remember when I was so young?"

"You remember that Charlie?"

"I thought it was a dream or something, but you said your my Auntie and that means you keep all my secrets."

"I am and it's true. Gross or not it's how we seal it. Get to spitting, Ronan." Michaela said before she followed Charlie's lead, spitting in her hand. Once Ronan followed suit they all shook hands.

"Okay, now start talking."

"Well, he said a lot. One has to do with Mr. Mead. I'm not calling him Dad, just getting that out now. Anyways, he said something - my dad, not Chris - like he can't have kids. So it's how he knew we weren't his kids. I don't think he knew who it was, he just said things, called Mom names. Then he told us, me and Addie, she's not who she says she is. She used to go by Amanda. And that she was a whore and had sex for money. I don't get it. Addie didn't either. She told him right anyway that Mommy's a teacher now, the boss. He said it was back when he knew her so I am guessing it was when she was a teenager. I just don't get it, Michaela. Why did he say it like it was her fault? I just feel bad that no one was there to, you know, take care of her. So she didn't have to do that. I don't think anything bad of her cause of it."

"You know you are your mum inside and out. And I did know that some asshole told the whole school. You are one of the only ones who didn't judge her hearing that. But you are right, she did what she did because she felt she had no other options. Then she got out of it, went to school, and became a teacher then a headteacher. All before becoming your mum."

"Yeah, well I love my mom. That won't change it. I guess it clicked for me in that moment. Dad knew I wasn't his and he just hurt me over and over. I asked why. He said he did it because it hurt my mom. What kind of monster does that to a kid? I have dreams and nightmares he's choking Mom and I can't save her and I wake up screaming and it's horrible. I didn't even tell Miss Emma, my shrink, but he told me he couldn't wait to watch Mom as he took me away from her. I was only ever a thing to hurt my mom. If I'm gone…"

"You can't hurt her anymore?" Ronan finished as he followed Charlie's thinking.

"Yeah, exactly. I tried the other night to hang myself 'cause I was like my dad. I got so mad I threw something at the wall. Mom had the scared face she's only ever had with Dad. I got so mad it scared me. I couldn't control it … I don't want to hurt anyone or be like him so I figured I'd do the world a favor. Maybe stop the pain while I'm at it."

"But it didn't work?" Michaela gently pressed.

"Nope, the clothing rack broke and I kinda just cried myself to sleep."

"The world is so much better with you in it kid and I know it's hard to believe it now cause you have Asshat in your head. But you are so loved. As for the anger, that's a side effect of the concussion you got thanks to the monster. It will get better and the old Charlie will be back full-time."

"You really think so Auntie? I hit Mr. Mead tonight. I was so mad. Who is he to come into our lives now? We don't need another dad. We don't need him. I take care of Addie and my mom. And we have Catherine."

"Well, not to defend him in any way, but maybe he didn't know and he's just so excited to be your dad. He didn't think."

"Yeah maybe, but I hate him and I don't need another dad."

"That's true and I haven't really spoken to him in years, but I can say when he was my teacher he wasn't all bad," Ronan added quietly.

"That's good. I guess Addie may want a dad. I don't know. I just don't want him near me."

"Look, you don't want him bothering you anymore he won't, I will make sure of it."

"How can you even promise Auntie?"

"Because I can. You don't want to see him for a while, I will make sure he keeps his distance."

"Or you know, if I'm dead he can't see me either."

"Yeah, but neither can anyone else mate. I know it seems like there is no way to escape the pain but trust me there is."

"How do you even know Auntie?" Charlie replied as he swiped a few tears from his cheek.

"Well that's because I've been where you are, thought the only way to end the pain was to end my life. A few years ago, almost five now. Your Uncle Phil and I had our own baby. She was our angel. I never really thought I'd be a mum, you know cool aunt was more my lane. Life had other plans. Our Little Emily Grace was born in a rare hot week here in the summer. Being her mum was the best few hours of my life. Her heart didn't grow as it should have along with some other stuff. Basically, our baby girl wasn't going to live long. Her life was short but perfect."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Auntie."

"It's okay really now. I am sad and will always be. It was just a bad time all around. I hadn't gotten to see you guys in a while. I pushed Phil away. We were both in our own grief. Then after a lovely visit with his mother, I was here. Not here on this roof here but I was in this same headspace as you are. Thinking no one would miss me, the world would be better off. And I could be with my Emily."

"So what saved you?"

"Actually you. You see you and me kid, we're inseparable since your mum had you. When I was allowed to see you we were together. I would tell everyone you were my soul baby. Totally pissed off your dad. Your mom just rolled her eyes and went with it. She's used to my shit. I put her through it when she was my head teacher. The night I had it planned Phil came home early. It was rare. He was smiling. He had seen your mum and she gave him some drawings you had made for me. One was a picture of me, you, Sadie, and your mum. You titled it Me and My Two Mommies. I am not sure where Phil was, but off to the side was a grave with your dad's name on it. I knew if for no other reason that night I was gonna make it to the next morning for you. It was a long journey, but I let your Uncle Phil in and I got help. And now finally we are trying again to have a baby. I think getting you back in my life is a sign it's all gonna be okay."

"Phil went away to the moon. I remember now. I didn't want him to die. Mom may miss him. I'm glad I saved you though. I don't remember a lot from back then. Maybe I do. I don't know, what I do remember is like a dream."

"You probably blocked some if it was bad at home. You know our brains hide what they think we can't handle sometimes."

"Yeah, maybe. So you're saying I just need a reason to make it to tomorrow?"

"Yup, the only step that matters right now is you deciding that you want to make it until tomorrow.'

"You know your aunt's right, we don't have to worry about Chris or your Dad. There has to be a reason for us to get down from this roof." Ronan pushed, hoping this was the shift they needed.

Charlie, who had been quiet, reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. As the lock screen came on, a picture of Sadie showed up. "Would it be selfish to say I need to make it until tomorrow to see Sadie? Like my mom would know I killed myself. So would Ryan and Catherine. But my Sadie and Addie, I don't think they'd get it. Sadie would think I left her and Addie, she'd probably think Dad did it. She always thinks Dad is gonna kill me. I just feel I don't deserve to live. I had planned on killing him. I had the pills, a knife. I just couldn't do it. I was too weak to protect my mom and sister."

Michaela, not able to hold back anymore pulled him into her arms. "You are not weak. I know how you tried to protect your mom back in New Orleans and your dad almost killed you for it. I heard how you made the firefighter take your sister out first. I imagine since that day there have been many many times you have kept Addie safe, and taken the hits; your dad's wrath. The key to what you said, Charlie, you planned on killing him … but when the chips fell you didn't. You did what you always have done. Took the hits to keep Addie and your mum safe. That's a lot of shit to put on a kid. I bet you're so tired. So it's your time to tap out, take a break, get better, and let me and the others help out your mum and Addie, okay? I promise you Phil and I are not leaving you."

Sniffing, Charlie looked up at his Aunt. "Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. So come on, let's head home off this roof."

"Yeah okay, I guess we can put this off until tomorrow. I want to see my Mom and Sadie. But I don't want to see stupid Chris. He's not my dad."

"Leave that to me, mate. I will make sure you can see Sadie and not him, okay?" Ronan said as he carefully stood up before turning around to help them both away from the edge.

"You can do that?"

"Yeah, I am the police. Plus my boss seems to really like you, kid, so I see her having my back."

"I don't think it's so much she likes me as she likes my mom. We caught them kissing the other day. Like, a lot. My dad always said mom cheated with men. If only he knew." Charlie said with a small shrug.

"You okay with your mum and Catherine kissing?" Michaela asked as they made their way down the stairs.

"I mean, I don't really care as long as it's not Chris and my mom's happy. Dad won't like it though when he finds out."

"Don't worry about him, as long as you and Addie and what's his name?"

"Ryan."

"Yeah, Ryan. As long as you guys are good with it that's all that matters.

"We don't care. I mean Catherine's cool, and Ryan likes Mom. I thought that's what they were gonna talk about. Then the whole real dad thing happened instead."

"Well, you don't have to worry about him, not tonight. Come on mate, get in the car. I am going to let Sarge and your mom know you're okay." Ronan said, waiting until Charlie was safely in the back with Michaela before he radioed. "We got Charlie and we're heading to you. But he will need to go to the hospital to get checked. I just think it would be better all around if we bring him home to you first."

"Good, please bring him home to mine. Thanks for finding him," Catherine replied before looking right at Chris.

"You need to not be here when he gets here. Charlie is fragile right now. So as hurt as your feelings may be it's not about you. Or Rachel. We need to all put Charlie first."

"No, you're right. I should have listened. I didn't mean to upset him. We'll go." Chris quickly agreed, wanting to just get out of there before they showed up with Charlie. His face was still hurting from their last encounter. He didn't ever want to be the cause of his sons' pain.

Once Chris and Ann were gone Rachel let out a breath she forgot she had been holding.

"How do I leave my son at the hospital Catherine? He thinks the worlds better off without him, if I just abandon him."

"He may not even have to stay. Maybe Emma will be on shift. We need to bring him in for an evaluation. Get him the help he needs. We will make sure he knows we love him and he's not alone. I promise you we are not abandoning him. I love you and care so much about those kids already. It's crazy…"

"I know you're right, I just want him okay." Rachel finished just as the front door opened again. This time her son came rushing through it right into her arms. Rachel just held him close, promising him that it would all get better. When he finally pulled away he smiled a sad smile.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Mom. My head scares me lately."

"I know and we are going to get it all sorted out. You, Catherine, Ronan, and I are going to go to the hospital."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No mate. It's like I told you on the ride home, since you were threatening to kill yourself the hospital just has to check you out. Make sure you are safe." Ronan reminded Charlie.

"Oh yeah, that's fine I guess. You both are coming?"

"We are. Come on, let's get going. Michaela, can you and Phil stay with Addie and Ryan until we get back? If not I can call my son."

"No need, we're fine. We will get them some food and hang out until you're back." Michaela said as she walked over to Charlie, pulling a picture out from the back of her cell phone and handing it over to Charlie with a smile.

"It's us."

"Yup. Why don't you hold on to that until I see you later okay?"

"Yeah okay. Can you hold onto my phone for me?"

"You got it, mate," Michaela said as she took Charlie's phone.

"Love you." He called before following his mom out to the car.

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Charlie was just too exhausted to have any type of conversation. It wasn't until Ronan pulled into a spot did he finally speak.

"I'm scared Mom."

"I know. So am I buddy, but we'll do this together, okay?" Rachel promised as she got out of the car, holding out her hand for him to take if he wanted.

"Promise?"

"I do."

"Okay Mom, let's get this over with," Charlie mumbled, rolling his eyes as he took her hand. "I'm not a baby you know?"

"I know, but you will always be my baby. You ready?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let's get this over with." Charlie said, letting his mom's hand go as they walked through the doors of the hospital. He wasn't so sure he still didn't want to just die, but he knew he wanted to at least make it until the next day and this was the first step to getting there.