This was different.
For quite possibly the first time, the curtains on Alec's windows were pulled wide open. His back was facing me as his head angled down at the streets of Volterra below. He sat in the window nook, bracing his left side against the glass, his trousers somewhat wrinkled around his folded knee. Even as I entered, Alec's eyes remained on the Volturi's city below – Gatsby, without a light and as still as a statue. His chest was still, and he didn't even try to claim fresh air before my scent filled the room.
I leaned back against the door. Something about his stillness made me hesitant to go any further. I assumed he had heard his sister and I's conversation, but whether he allowed himself to listen until the end was another matter.
Alec spoke before I could think of an icebreaker. Straightforward and to the point, "My sister may have been ready to share her part, but I am not prepared to do the same."
Jane's recent warning ran through my head.
"Alec will remain somewhat timid to offer his side. He will likely wait and assess your reaction to my story." She scrutinized me as I dropped my head in consideration with a hint of dismay. "I would take care to reserve your questions for the future – I know you have them."
I opened my mouth to ask just one, but she raised her hand. "I am done, Sister." I lifted my head up and down. She watched me for a second more before she, too, disappeared. Leaving me wondering if sharing her story had been the right or the wrong thing to do.
Alec glanced over, taking me in as I reflected but searching for my reaction to his words. I was only slightly aware of the sleep shorts I still wore, but enough to cross my arm over my body. I was more focused on the conflict in his tone. "Not yet."
I did my best to swallow my disappointment, trying to remind myself it wasn't about me. I knew Alec's retelling would be shorter, neater. Jane and I shared the same propensity for details that Alec did not have the patience for. And just because his twin had been willing to share, her brother was clearly in a different place regarding their past. Just as Jane had prepared me for. And that was
"Okay."
He quirked an eyebrow. "Okay?"
I shrugged.
"You fight me on everything."
"Not this," I breathed, trying not to give in to the contemptuous energy enveloping him. I hadn't quite expected it. Then again, he had been stewing in here while Jane and I experienced entirely different emotions on the other side of the door.
He directed his gaze back out of the window. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he actually wanted me to argue.
"You cannot say nothing." I raised my eyebrows at the monotone snip but refrained from crossing my arms. He needed no further prompting and continued. "Either be angry with me for confining Jane to the castle or pity me for my past life," he spat venomously. He kept his eyes on the city below as he demanded, "but you must say something."
Fine.
"Well, you've nixed one of those topics already." Alec scoffed, dropping his head against the side of the bookcase. "And I think Jane about covered anything I'd say." He barely acknowledged me, and I kept my voice even to add, "and I think you know that."
Alec stood abruptly, flashing across the room, shrugging off his coat jacket, and tossing it over the couch. An action he'd once scolded Jane for doing in the main room. It made me think twice about engaging in this dialogue, but I no longer had that option.
"I should not be surprised. I know you are angry with me." He continued before I could dispute the statement, "you always are."
I did a double-take, "that is not fair."
"And now you and my sister have teamed up against me–"
"We are not against you, Alec." He rolled his eyes as if to question the veracity of my statement. "We're not!"
He disappeared again, repairing as he slammed the bedside table drawer, leaning his weight on the furniture. He glared down at the wood.
"Sometimes, mate, I wonder if you will ever be on my side."
It was the way he said it. Malicious. Less like he was confessing an insecurity and more like he intended the words to hurt me. And I don't know why, but it worked.
I marched up to him, matching his daggered stare before snatching my sketchbook off the same table. He seemed almost surprised, the flex in his jaw losing its tension. There was a hint of something more in his eyes, and I nearly stayed. But if he wanted to punish me for disagreeing with him, then he could stew in his bitterness alone for all I cared.
I'd barely opened the door enough to slip back through when Alec's hand landed right above mine, slamming the wooden door back in place. My body jerked back, bumping into his marble physique.
My chest tightened, and I refused to turn around. Admittedly, I didn't move away either. His essence enveloped me, his chest pressed against my back as his head lowered into the crook of my neck.
The silky fabric of his formal button-up brushed against my bare shoulders, the buttons lightly pressing along the side of my back.
His lips lightly brushed the bare skin where my neck met my clavicle. My eyes fluttered shut as the butterflies in my stomach flitted clumsily. The thin straps of my tank top offered plenty of unclaimed land, which Alec was keen to rectify. But he held back, to my great irritation.
I drew my bottom lip between my teeth as he released a breath. The rush of air sent a shiver of sensational desire down my spine. His bottom lip just barely caressed my skin with an apology, "Darling, I'm sorry." The resounding sparklers that lit throughout my body almost made me regret having my hair tied up and making my exposed neck so susceptible to his touch.
He didn't even have to apologize, so long as he kept kissing my neck I could give less than a damn what his apology was for. However, Alec made no move to further the intimate activity, allowing me to retain my sanity. Though I would much rather succumb to the volatility he inspired in me.
I stayed quiet, contemplating my options and how to best support him when he acted so irrational, revealingly and unintentionally vulnerable. Alec seemed content to wait for my decision. His hand moved slowly down the wood, sliding his fingers between mine on the door as my shoulders relaxed against him. Was he attempting to distract me on purpose or was I so predictably enamored by him that it didn't even matter?
Alec began to kiss up my neck, and I found my voice before I lost it completely.
"You should talk to your sister."
I failed to consider that perhaps he was seeking some sort of distraction in me, to cure himself of the memory malady that plagued him. He sighed, moving back a bit. I repealed the decision, leaning back until he had no choice but to hold me close. I turned my face until the fabric on his shoulder tickled my cheek. "You refuse to accept that this is the only way to keep you safe."
I hummed, "Alec..."
"I know," he murmured in my ear. "I will apologize."
That was not what I was going to say, but the declaration felt more like his decision than a coercement. I released my lip before I drew blood, transferring the tension into my request. "Next time you believe cloistering us away would be a rational decision, why don't we talk it through." His answer was a sweet kiss to my shoulder blade, which didn't really count but I chose not to push for a verbal commitment. "Or all three of us if you're stupid enough to underestimate your sister again." There's a soft growl, more like a hum that vibrates through his chest. And despite it all, I can't help but find amusement in his response – even though he goes silent on me after.
Once again, his patience exceeds mine and I turn out of his arms, regretting the loss immediately. I relaxed my stance against the door. As if being pulled along with me, Alec's forearm flattened beside my head, his other hand resting on my hip as he leaned closer until our chests were mere inches away. It's so smooth a response, I doubt he even noticed the adjustment.
Alec looked a bit cluttered, a lesser version of distraught as his eyes flickered between mine with a new form of vulnerability. His head tilted thoughtfully and I couldn't tear my eyes from his as he considered me. My gaze fell to his mouth as he licked his lips and I had to breathe through my nose before I thought too much about where I wouldn't mind his tongue going next.
Alec's mind, was elsewhere.
"I could turn you now."
A nervous chuckle passed through me, "so you've said. And yet–"
"I mean it, Saffiya." My heart jumped as my name left his lips. His eyes scanned mine. "One bite for forever."
I tried to keep my voice steady as he leaned in. "Aro said–"
Dark, husky as his lips skimmed against my collarbone, "Aro will forgive me." Alec's cheek brushed mine as the bridge of his nose trailed along my jaw. He pleaded, the request for permission rather desperate, "you would be safe."
Safer, I would have corrected. But Alec, like all vampires, spoke in absolutes.
"And if I say no?"
A puff of air released from his chest. He tightened his fingers on my hip as he woefully answered, "then I shall curse your rationality and cherish your humanity all the more."
I shook my head. "You're not thinking,"
Alec seemed unreachable, ready to step into a fantasy world of his own making. His tone was raw and wistful. "I could teach you to hunt," my stomach rolled, but he leaned back until I was caught looking up at him. "We could train you to fight." The look in his eyes had me aghast as his finger hooked in the loop of my jeans. "I could kiss you without fear."
He almost had me because damn if I didn't want him to kiss me. Again and again till all that mattered was the absolute pleasure of his touch. I craved the weight of his mouth on mine and the pressure of an intensified electricity just because it was us.
His eyes were on my lips, never straying, almost frozen as he struggled not to give in to what he would call his 'baser desires'. And I needed to stop myself before he no longer had a say in those temptations. As much as I wanted to do the opposite.
"Aro said–"
Alec's fist hit the wall beside me, so I shoved his chest to correct the behaviour, a receipt. His shoulders dropped in response, but he reclosed the distance immediately, "I do not care." His eyes shut tight as I searched his face for some clue of how to ease the unrest in his mind. "You are my mate. My worth," he trailed off.
A few months ago, I would have lost it at his words. But now, I knew it was all real. And I was sick of rehashing old arguments. There had to be a better way to communicate and convince him that his fears were only heightened by the unknown. Because Jane was right. If I were anything but human and incapable of fighting on even ground, I would lose it if he tried trapping me inside the castle walls again.
Trying to find the best way to convince him, I resorted to, "the Kings would not make their decisions lightly. Especially knowing how difficult this is for you." He didn't answer, his lips settling in a thin line, his brows furrowed as he tried to work through the conversation. Likely already planning for next steps.
"You are my mate," he repeated. "And I am presenting you with an alternative option." I dropped my gaze immediately, and for someone who was trained to lie for a living, apparently, I was pretty shitty at it when it came to Alec. This filled me with a sick, icky feeling at the back of my ribs as he investigated the one query I could not answer, "unless you no longer want this." I don't think he was asking about immortality.
Alec needed to know what Jane and I had discovered. What Aro had forbidden us from disclosing. It was eating me up inside, and I knew Jane felt it too. Everything Alec did was acting on a presumption of my survival for more than the end of this year. It wasn't fair.
His face began to fall with each second I took to answer, only for his jaw to clench slightly as I kept my eyes from his, zeroed in on the slight mark on his jaw. My tongue tasted dry as I falsely coughed out, "what makes you think–"
Alec didn't even try to humour me, and my eyes shot up to meet his stern gaze. "Your heart is racing."
My gut clenched. I had to tell him. But from the moment I'd arrived, it had been made clear that disobeying Aro's orders was tyranny in and of itself. It seemed a harmless bit of knowledge, seeing as Jane's gift was only a potential solution that had never been guaranteed. But I had to stay on the Kings' good side. So, I kept my mouth shut.
"Carlisle's theory holds the most weight." He tried to look away, displeased with my statement. My hands abandoned his shirt for his neck, his jaw, until I held his face still in my palms. I waited for his burgundy eyes to meet mine before subtly, shortly, so Aro couldn't accuse me of trying to expose the truth, "I think we should trust Aro. "
Technically, surviving the transformation was a feat unto itself. Any assumption that I would survive was a prayer, far from a guarantee. If the changing process were so simple, vampires would be rampant worldwide. Alec was functioning off of foolish hope alone, and taking that from him if I died, without even consideration for the alternatives, would be detrimental.
"I will not lose you." He began again, like an ill-written mantra. "Destiny herself could never take you from me." He spoke in an undertone and I had to strain to hear him, "not Razin, not the Cullens." His choices of potential threats were telling, but the malice in his voice cleared the clouds of my obliviousness to what was right there in front of me the entire time, "and certainly not the Romanian bastards."
Oh my god.
I chewed on my bottom lip, my previous defenses melting away with any frustration I'd been previously guided by. "This is about the train, isn't it?"
There was no answer, but of course, Jane had traced the source back before either of us could. I would never have put it together if not for her earlier questions, proving once again that she was far more clever than we would ever be.
Choosing my words carefully, my voice faint with fear, "Alec, you won that fight."
He released a short puff of air, his hands firming into a fist. I took care to observe the tenseness in his shoulders, the physical manifestations of his anger and pain that I had seen but only just begun to understand. "If Prosper had not arrived when he did," he exhaled harshly once more, as if to expel the bitterness of his memories and only barely finding the words he needed.
"You saved our lives." Alec removed my hands from his face until they fell limply by my sides. He stood to his full height and took a step back. His eyes had become substantially darker.
"I was unprepared and distracted." He stated blankly, "it was luck."
Another possibility occurred to me, one that I doubted he would ever entertain. But I toyed with the idea that he didn't confine us to the castle because he thought Jane or I leaving would automatically put us in danger, nor even because he thought Jane couldn't take care of herself. Maybe he did it because he doubted his own ability toprotect us. But whether he had realized this self-doubt or not, I didn't think it was something that needed to be said aloud.
I resisted the urge to reach for him again, laying my hands on the door behind me. "We walked away. That's all that matters."
His jaw clenched tightly, and his eyes bore into me. I could practically taste the sourness of each word as he reminded me, "the Romanian walked away as well."
The defeatist mindset got to me, I'll admit it. I understood his perspective. But mutual commiseration would only make this worse.
"We'll get him. Him and Razin."
"Right," he grunted as I failed to quell his doubts with empty confidence. I couldn't help it. I reached forward before I could stop myself but my back swiftly landed on the wall before my hand even touched him.
Alec tugged at his hair. "You should leave. You are not safe with me right now." He gave me one last longing look before flashing across the room and collapsing into the green velvet armchair instead. My posture collapsed as I tried to comprehend his distress.
I opened my mouth, but closed it just as quickly, not knowing how to counter any more without upsetting him further. My inaction didn't necessarily calm him down either. Moreso the opposite, as a moment later he rasped, "cuore, please."
"But–"
"Go." He snapped, making me jump and turn to do as he requested. I grasped the brass handle before pausing.
I twisted the lock instead.
Alec visibly gripped the cushioned arm of the chair when I took a cautious step in his direction. I wavered before trying it again. He lifted his head in return, narrowed eyes daring me to continue challenging the big bad vampire. So, I did.
The closer I got, the less harsh his glare became. His bangs had fallen haphazardly over his forehead, hiding the top of his now furrowed brows. He was waiting for me, still as a statue and slightly weary. But the fire still burned, neither a wet nor a dry anger. This was a vanquished vengeance. A conclusion that had been reached but left behind a grief that followed generations. Ruthless, with blood that would flow from a single word, susceptible to the paper cut that left one hissing and cradling. It was a legacy of fire, violent and raw. The flames of two wrongs. And to think, I only knew half of what had made him so damaged.
Without intending to, I wove my fingers through his hair, brushing his bangs off his face and taking in the beauty of his irises. Unconsciously, Alec accepted me in, his hands finding my hips as I rested my knee on the edge of the velvet chair. His hands slid down my sides to the back of my thighs, lifting me until my legs fell on either side of his. In any other situation, I would be extraordinarily embarrassed about sitting on his lap, and having initiated it in the first place. There was something more intimate about this, however. Something safe.
My hand found its way to the back of his neck. where my fingers tangled in his hair. We had turned the tables, my head now tilting down to get a proper look at his high cheekbones, his sweet face looking for the answers in my own expression. His eyes never left mine, boring up into me with a pain I could not begin to comprehend, and I think my heart slowed for the first time since we met. As if trying to match the nonexistent beating in his chest.
Quite suddenly, his head nestled into my collarbone as if it were too heavy to hold up any longer. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his came under my shoulders as we clung to each other. I tried not to move, to let him hold me tighter without interruption. Nothing to pull him from a moment he rarely allowed himself to have, to watch his walls fall and anchor to something real.
When I could no longer hold my breath, I played with the hair at the nape of his neck, trying to breathe softly to not disturb him. Eventually, his fingers danced absentmindedly over my hip bone as we eased back into the world. But we remained there, patient enough to exist with each other.
"I do want this." I finally murmured against his skin. I ducked my head as he abruptly pulled back. I bypassed his surprise, pressing my lips to his jaw with small, innocent kisses. Alec gave a light push to my abdomen, taking my chin in his hands so I would meet his gaze. His eyes were gentle, but willfully impassive.
"Tell me what you want."
I bit my lip, ignoring my gut and confirming, "I want immortality, but only if it's with you."
Alec's hands tightened on my thighs again until a burst of air transferred us to his comforter. I fell back on the pillows as Alec supported his body above me, his eyes searching mine with determination. Hesitance flashed in his eyes, concern and doubt flooding his irises. He blinked and they were gone.
Alec pressed a tender kiss to my neck and my back arched into him with a gasp. My fingers tangled in his hair as his lips parted, and his teeth lightly scratched the thin skin along my throat. A burst of nerves filled me and I threw my hand out to grasp his. In a shared emotion, he interlocked our fingers, leaving an open mouth kiss above my collarbone.
I hardly felt his fangs pierce my skin.
~•~•~•~
A/N: Aww, there's our two impulsive teenagers. What the flippity hell are they doing!?
Thank you all for your patience! Next chapter is already in progress.
All the best,
Ro
