Chapter 6: Stress, new hobbies and a wedding
It was a unique position to be in, I had to admit.
Being able to use the Hokage as a stress ball, that is.
I had forgiven him days ago, even though it kind of stung that they couldn't wait until after the wedding. In the end, I was just mad that I didn't have as much time as I had hoped.
For years, the day of Naruto's birth - of Kushina's death - had loomed over me, pushing me forward. It never felt like I had done enough. Changed enough. Trained enough.
There was no doubt in my mind that someone was going to try to attack Konoha at that time and set Kurama on a rampage. Most likely still Obito. I may have saved Rin but a young mind in the hands of insane manipulators like Madara and Zetsu? Obito wouldn't stand a chance.
With Kushina's pregnancy announcement, my fears came back full force. They threatened to drag me down into spiraling.
So, I did the best thing to distract me that I could think of.
Using the Hokage as a stress ball.
And it was working to a surprising degree.
We drew some curious stares as I wandered down the street, whistling and with a groaning Hokage over my shoulder.
Of course, I wouldn't actually try to hurt him – and not just because I wasn't keen on getting into a real fight with a shinobi of his caliber. Else Minato's Anbu team would have intervened long ago. As it stood, they were all either bemused or exasperated by the predicament their Hokage had found himself in.
In a much better mood than before my session with Minato, I knocked on Kushina's door before entering.
"I'm back! And I brought your groom-to-be too!" I called out and steered towards the couch.
"Thanks Nii-san, the food will be ready in a minute. Are you staying for dinner?" came Kushina's voice from the kitchen.
I didn't have to think long on that.
"Sure. What are you making?" I asked with a raised voice as I deposited Minato on his back.
"Do you even have to ask that? You Uzumakis and your ramen…," mumbled the less welcome newcomer as exited the kitchen.
"Jiraiya-san," I greeted neutrally.
"Uzumaki-kun, it's nice to see you again. Though I am a bit worried for my student, I have to admit," he said and let out a deep belly-laugh.
Meanwhile I had trouble suppressing a twitch at his address.
While Tsunade seemed to have an unexplainable one-sided dislike towards me, I held onto a similarly one-sided dislike towards the toad.
Back when I was watching the anime, I cried like a baby when Jiraiya was killed. That fondness died a quick death the first time I caught the Sannin peeking on the women in Konoha's most popular bathhouse. It was all fun and games while it was a joke in a show, just a flaw of a fictional character played for laughs. It was decidedly less funny when it was real.
Worse, he didn't even hide very well, probably fully aware that many shinobi had spotted him – and didn't do anything because what normal shinobi would dare to reprimand a Sannin? Who would they complain to? The Third, Jiraiya's sentimental sensei? Or the Fourth, his adoring student?
Apparently, it didn't use to be such a problem. He would keep his perversion to bars and the redlight district. But he started escalating after Tsunade married. You didn't need to be a genius to figure out why. Not that it excused his behavior in the least.
"Nonsense, Minato is just being a good brother-in-law," Kushina said as she carried two bowls to the dining table before disappearing back into the kitchen for the other two.
"Ah really? How so?" Jiraiya asked disbelievingly while glancing at the moaning heap of Hokage on the couch.
"He knows that Nii-san is stressed and going crazy in worry while trying to hide it, so he lets him work that off," she explained, sounding completely sure of herself.
"Huh," I let out and cocked my head to the side. I hadn't thought of it like that, but it made an awful amount of sense that Minato had noticed my distress.
"Come on honey, don't let your food get cold," Kushina called out and sat down with Jiraiya following her lead.
"Coming!" exclaimed the suddenly lively Minato, nearly teleporting from the couch to the chair next to Kushina who gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Laughing, I took the last empty seat at the end of the table, next to Kushina and across from the Sannin, and began eating.
"But seriously, what has you so worried then? No offence, but you're not the pregnant one, nor the father. And Minato always said you were remarkably relaxed when it came to their relationship?" Jiraiya questioned after a moment of silent eating, or well, near-silent slurping.
"Oh, believe me, everyone but Minato would have me being unbearable," I assured him.
Honestly, the only reason I had been so calm once Kushina told me she was dating Minato, was that I had approximately 10 years before that to get used to the idea. I couldn't remember ever being that protective over anyone in my old life, but then again, I hadn't had any younger siblings there. The general insanity of the shinobi world hadn't helped that fledgling overprotectiveness either.
"You for example? I would have hunted you to the ends of this world. Of course, my Kushina-chan has way too much taste for that," I said.
I squeezed my Imooto's arm and sent her a warm smile that she returned.
"I'm glad you realize that," she said.
"Of course. I trust your judgement."
Kushina beamed at me while Jiraiya was sputtering in the background.
"I'll take that as a compliment?" Minato said with a lightly confused expression.
"You should," Kushina confirmed.
Minato blinked. Visibly deciding to let things be, he went back to his meal. Clever man.
"Forgetting the matter that is you hunting me; I'll let you know that any woman would be honored to have the Great Jiraiya of-," the Sannin tried to bluster before I interrupted him.
"You're a perv. Completely disrespectful to any and all women. And everyone knows it, which is probably why Sarutobi-sama never assigned you a female Genin to teach. I wouldn't even have to hunt you myself, thinking about it. I'd just have to publish all those photos of you spying on unsuspecting women I took."
It was the last part that had Minato cough out half of his meal and Kushina's face turning as red as her hair. Jiraiya, meanwhile, held up his hands in surrender.
"Hey, hey, now that is a simple misunderstanding, those photos, they-," at this point the Sannin interrupted himself and turned from the enraged Uzumaki on one side to the relaxed Uzumaki directly across from him.
"You! It's you! You are the one who sends those packets to Tsunade-hime!" he shouted and pointed at me accusingly.
"Took you long enough," I smirked.
Now, when I noticed Jiraiya's disgusting habit, I couldn't let it stand, could I?
So, I engaged in a bit of stalking myself. Well, I made it a bit easier on me by asking Orochimaru to keep me informed on his old teammate's schedule (that cost me a favor or two, but it was worth it). Instead of trying to punish the perv myself, I snapped pictures of him each time I caught him snooping around and sent those to Tsunade. Problem solved.
Sadly, not quite. While he quit harassing women in Konoha, I was sure he was continuing to indulge himself on his travels. Still, a win was a win.
Momentarily distracted from her anger, Kushina turned to me, confused.
"Packets, photos?"
"I documented Pervy-san's escapades and sent the evidence to his teammate – who would go on to beat him up. Some negative reinforcement seemed to do the trick."
I grinned. I may or may not have been a bit smug about it.
"Dude! You nearly killed me by proxy, you know? You should have really cut me some slack-," Jiraiya whined. Of course, he simultaneously talked himself into more trouble without even noticing it. Minato on the other hand let out a little sigh, as if to mourn the idiocy of his sensei.
The toad only realized his crucial mistake when two pairs of eyes started burrowing into him.
"I'm kidding, of course… Kushina-chan, this is all a giant misunderstanding – no, please-," Jiraiya yelled out as Kushina let out a snarl and jumped over the table.
You knew my little sister took this seriously by the way she risked spilling some of her ramen in pursuit of justice.
Sniff.
So proud of her.
In my 29 years (-gods, when did I become so old-) in this world, the logics of how the development of technologies worked still thoroughly eluded me. Though I had become something of an expert of covertly asking if certain things existed and were common – I could never reason it out.
This was a topic that I came back to again and again over the years. This time around, I was happy to be ignorantly thankful for what did exist, even if it would have been very far down on my list of guesses of things that could be counted as essential.
Sewing machines.
Modern standard, electric sewing machines.
Very convenient when you wear clothes that no shinobi clothes retailer would ever think of selling. You could find similar clothes in civilian stores; the materials just weren't as durable. But they made for great patterns when dissected.
All in all, I had been making my own clothes for years. And sewing skills were a great boon when you couldn't think of what to get your little sister for her birthday.
After taking pity on Minato, I spent my nervous energy on sewing instead of playing Whack the Hokage. At first, it fit perfectly.
The wedding ceremony was to take place a month after I had come back from my travels. I took extra care with the wedding garments, for both the bride and the groom – and myself of course. I had a lot of fun with the embroidery in particular.
But the fun couldn't last. While I could have redesigned and overworked the kimonos until the day of the ceremony, I would have driven Kushina up the wall with that. And even though I was her beloved Nii-chan, she had been a bit more… touchy ever since the pregnancy hormones kicked in.
And so, with two weeks to go until the wedding, after which I was planning on some special training in preparation for whatever the fuck was going to happen on my little nephew's day of birth, I had too much free time on my hands.
After sowing my little unborn nephew baby clothing up to the age of around three years old, I thought: "Why not learn a new skill?"
It was either that going back to buy more fabric for the third time that week.
That thinking lead directly to the following scene.
Me, sitting amidst a fluffy cloud of yarn on the floor of my apartment, everything around me covered in knitting supplies and my past successful and unsuccessful trial runs, the only uncovered spot on my couch side table occupied by a wholly content looking Isobu with a knitted shell-cover in a green and blue pattern.
"What is even-," Orochimaru began to speak before cutting himself off abruptly.
When he sighed audibly, I looked up from my second attempt of a little jacket for Isobu. I was still trying to figure out how to leave little holes for his bigger spikes on the back, so that I wouldn't have to rip it the first time we put it on him.
Orochimaru was massaging the bridge of his nose, a heavy frown on his face.
"It's ridiculous to think now, but back when I first got to know you better, I actually thought you were one of the only sane people in all of the shinobi forces," my friend told me with a tone that suggested that he was seriously questioning his past judgement.
I shrugged.
"Well, that right there was your first mistake. Don't let the Yamanakas fool you, there is no such thing as a 'sane shinobi'," I quipped with a half-smile. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Isobu nodding along.
"Too true," my turtle buddy agreed.
Orochimaru just stared at Isobu for a good while before looking up at the ceiling like he was hoping for divine intervention.
"And now he even has summons to support him in his idiosyncratic behavior," the Snake Sannin murmured under his breath.
He wasn't wrong about that. Isobu had been incredibly supportive, enthusiastic even. He helped me pick out designs and patterns, fabrics and yarns.
The most banal of tasks, he enjoyed. Cooking, cleaning. Whether he could participate or not. It brought me joy, but it also reminded me time and time again of what he had been going through as a sealed Tailed Beast for decades. He enjoyed the freedom, the normalcy and getting to see facets of life that were inaccessible to him before.
"You just don't appreciate the quiet moments in life," I lectured Orochimaru.
"I have plenty of quiet moments in my lab," that slippery fucker snarked back, "You, however, need to get out more."
That, coming from Mr. Why-would-I-need-an-apartment-when-I-have-a-perfectly-good-laboratory, was slightly concerning to hear. I grimaced at the implications.
Orochimaru sighed again and went over to my buried couch. He pushed the scraps aside and gingerly sat down, looking supremely uncomfortable.
"Look. I don't know what is going on with you, or how to address it," he started out hesitantly, clearing his throat and shifting his weight minutely, "I like to think we have become friends over the years and that I can judge what kinds of behaviors are out of the norm for you. While you have become increasingly restless over the last 16 months, the past couple weeks have seen an alarming uptick in those tendencies. And I would like to know why."
It took me moment to process what he said, his approach took me that off-guard.
While I did count Orochimaru as a good friend, I had never heard him talk in that tone. I realized that it was severely out of his comfort-zone to go at this sincerely. Orochimaru was not socially inept by any means. However, he was used to getting his way through manipulation tactics.
Now, it was touching that he worried about me, and I would have loved to tell him the truth. But I couldn't tell him the whole of it. The day Mito-baa-chan died was the day I decided to never tell another human about my reincarnation.
So, how to put it?
"I, I have a bad feeling," I began slowly, trying to be as truthful as possible, "- that something is going to go incredibly wrong. With the birth. And that I am not going to be prepared when the time comes. That I'll curse myself for not being ready, for missing something."
We sat in silence for a moment.
"That is irrational," Orochimaru stated.
"I know," I said.
"Something could happen tomorrow, and your restlessness would prevent you from acting in fullest capacity," he elaborated.
"I think this is supposed to be the part where you remind him that he isn't alone and that he has others he can rely on, like you," Isobu drily contributed, sending Orochimaru an unimpressed look.
"Don't worry, I think that helped," I said, my head cocked to the side.
"Really?" asked Orochimaru in a curiously surprised tone of voice.
"No," I deadpanned and started laughing at the Sannin's annoyed expression, Isobu joining in a second later.
In my time of restlessness, I had neglected my morning exercise sessions with Gai. Honestly, that most likely contributed to the amount of energy I had to burn off by hunting a certain shinobi or embroidering kimonos.
But there was a crucial detail that I had forgotten about.
"IT IS SO YOUTHFUL! WE ARE TRULY RIVALS NOW!" Gai shouted emphatically, youthful tears springing from his eyes in a glittering arc.
"WE HAVE TO DO JOINED TRAINING SESSIONS WITH OUR SUMMONS – SO THAT THEIR YOUTHFUL SPIRITS MAY INSPIRE US AND FAN OUR FLAMES OF PASSION!"
I exchanged a discreet glance with Isobu who was still snuggled in his new shell-cover.
That meeting hadn't quite gone like I imagined it. It was my fault though. I should have expected something like this.
Thinking back on how Ishigame had talked about their brethren clan, the reunion Gai was steering towards might have not been that well-received by the turtle summons.
Though I wasn't sure it would be noticed.
"That is very nice, Gai. But maybe we stick to just the two of us for now? On a completely unrelated note, have you already thought about a wedding present for Kushina and Minato?"
My desperate attempts to change the topic seemed to have worked as any traces of tears disappeared from Gai's face and a sort of proud excitement took over.
"AH, YES! I HAVE ALREADY PROCURED A MOST YOUTHFUL PRESENT!"
With a flourish Gai pulled out something from out of nowhere and presented it to me.
It was jumpsuit. A tiny green jumpsuit with orange legwarmers.
… He did not seriously think I would let him turn my cute little nephew into a Mini-Gai, right?
After holding the jumpsuit out for a good 15 seconds with a bright smile, Gai cracked and fell into laughter at my aghast expression.
"Of course, I won't give them this jumpsuit," Gai waved away my concerns.
"Your nephew or niece shall find their own PATH OF YOUTH! Instead, I will present them THIS!"
I blinked.
I blinked again.
I rubbed my eyes to make sure I was seeing correctly.
In place of the green jumpsuit, there was an orange one. In place of the orange legwarmers, there were green ones.
"BUT WE HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH! COME MY FRIEND, LET US TRAIN AND EXPRESS OUR YOUTH! TO WARM UP, LET US RUN 100 LAPS AROUND THE VILLAGE!" Gai shouted energetically and took off.
"How in the hell was that supposed to be an improvement?" I asked quietly, half to myself and half directed at Isobu.
"I guess it would be Naruto's color?" Isobu answered weakly.
I shook my head in disbelief.
"Hey, careful, you are making me dizzy," Isobu admonished me from his seat atop of my head.
"Sorry, sorry," I said distractedly.
With a sigh I jumped into running after Gai.
Though knowing him, it would be easier to wait for him to lap me.
The wedding was a blur for me, procession and all.
It was a Shinto-style wedding, meaning it was led by a priest in front of a shrine with only close family present.
Rin, Kakashi, Jiraiya, Sarutobi for Minato. Mikoto and I for Kushina.
It was already highly unusual to have that many people without blood-relation attending the ceremony itself, but they bent the rules a bit when it came to the two orphans.
My head was filled with white noise and seemed to jump from stimuli to stimuli.
Minato nervously playing with the sleeve of the haori I had made for him, a black one with subtle black embroidery.
Kakashi uncomfortably shuffling in his seat, not used to wearing such formal clothing.
Rin elbowing Jiraiya in the side when he eyed the sake for too long.
But most of my time was spent watching my little sister.
She was radiating happiness and satisfaction, her smile beaming as she felt the golden embroidery on her bright red uchikake, a sort of over-kimono. Her hair was styled in the two signature buns that Mito-baa-chan used to wear.
Through the purification of the shrine and the main ceremony, consisting of the exchange of sake between the couple, Kushina was clearly the most confident person in the room.
I only snapped out of my reverie in time to cheer: "Kampai!" with the rest of the guests and take a sip of sake, trying not grimace at the for me utterly new taste.
I heard hearty laughter and sent my little sister a sour look. She grinned at me as Minato let a chuckle slip. Something I immediately remedied by giving him a warning glare to which he quickly looked the other way.
Now it was my time to grin. Kushina rolled her eyes at my antics, and I gave her a wink.
She may be married but I was still her scary big brother. Well, probably only scary to about two people. The groom and Jiraiya, who I still had some dirt on.
The ritual was completed with an offering, and we could finally join the wedding reception where it felt like half of Konoha had gathered – at least of the shinobi population. But even Teuchi had come.
I grinned when I saw a particularly disgruntled face in the crowd, holding on to a certain turtle-shaped Biju.
"Rochi-sama! I was not sure you would come – and you even wore the kimono I made for you!" I greeted my favorite Sannin.
Orochimaru let out a real growl as an answer. To be fair, the olive-green garment with purple accents looked great on him.
"Uzumaki, I thought I would come to show my appreciation for Namikaze-san after he got Danzo off of my back. I am severely regretting that decision," Orchimaru seethed.
I raised an eyebrow at the prevalence of his anger and made eye contact with Isobu.
"He has been approached multiple times by male shinobi who confused him for a woman – only for them to apologize and question why he wasn't with you in the ceremony. You know, as part of the family," the turtle explained.
I frowned. Orochimaru enjoyed the casual shinobi's ignorance, usually.
One should not be fooled by the Sannin's haughty behavior, that man was a first-class troll.
Then it dawned on me-
"Oh, you are so petty!" I laughed.
"You don't want to be perceived as of the same family as Minato!"
I knew I was right when he started pouting. Children, all of them.
"Well, if that is the case, maybe you shouldn't show up in partner look with your hubby."
And with that my laughter turned into a sigh. Though admittedly, the kimonos were of similar design. Mine was just primarily blue.
Orochimaru rolled his eyes at the newcomer.
"Hello to you too, Tsunade."
His tone of voice was positively screaming enthusiasm.
A heavily pregnant Tsunade, a slightly uncomfortable looking Dan at her elbow, snorted at her teammate's reaction.
"Cheer up, maybe if you came by more often, I would be nicer. But no, you are always locked up somewhere with your – what did you call it, research partner?"
As she said the last part, she mustered me critically. I tried not let my annoyance show too much, whatever she had against me-
"Wait," I said and clamped a hand around Orochimaru's elbow, stopping him before he could answer Tsunade and making him look at me questioningly.
"Wait, does she think- Is that why she doesn't like me?! Because of you, because she thinks I'm not good enough for her teammate?"
I stared at Orochimaru, completely aghast.
He looked back, slightly befuddled.
"Did you not know that?" he asked confused.
I threw my hands in the air, opened my mouth but no words came out. Completely speechless.
All these years – and I never even considered that.
I mean, who would.
Maybe we had kept that spiel up a tick too long.
I groaned into my hands.
"What did you think was happening?" Tsunade asked as she scrutinized me.
I stared at her for a second.
"Nope. Not having this conversation. This just confirms it; shinobi can't solve their problems through communication. I'm off cuddling my sister and subtly needling my brother-in-law for more time off for another training trip," I rattled off, snatched up Isobu, nodded at Dan and Orochi, and hurriedly exited.
"Wait, again-?" I heard Orochimaru call out, but I was already powerwalking in the direction of a brightly laughing Kushina.
I sat Isobu back down on his usual spot on my head.
"I thought you don't like to walk away from your problems?" Isobu asked bemused.
"Watch me," I joked.
Kushina saw me coming and greeted me with a beaming smile and a hug.
Tsunade forgotten, I comfortably laid my chin on her head and enveloped her in my arms. I exchange a nod with Minato who was watching the exchange with a warm expression.
"You like your wedding day?" I asked quietly.
"Mhm, 's perfect," I heard her mumble into my shoulder.
"Then it's just right for you," I said, unable to resist the corniness.
"I love you, Nii-chan."
"Love you too, Imooto."
AN:
This chapter sat halfway finished on my laptop for literal weeks, it was driving me crazy with how everytime I sat aside a couple of hours to write - something happened. But it's finally here!
Probably not made easier by the fact that something possessed me to write a wedding scene - like I know anything about weddings, let alone Shinto-weddings. Well, be warned, I threw some stuff together so it isn't really acurate (shocker).
