Hey guys!

Quick note: For those of you guys wondering about the inconsistencies in the tie travel stuff, they're not oopsies on my part - I have them there for good reasons, even if it was way more of a pain in the ass to do than I thought it would be to implement.


VERY IMPORTANT NOTIFICATION!

If you have no problem with having your image of Ash's female companions being perfect innocent virgins who would never comprehend anything ever remotely related to sex until the age of twenty-five ripped to shreds, please proceed. If you do, and you proceed to read on, then, well, you have been notified...


Pokémon speech in Pokémon language = "Italicized"

Human Speech = "Regular"

Thoughts/highlighted text = 'thoughts/highlighted text'

Other end of a Phone call on speaker = 'Other end of a Phone call on speaker'

Chapter 008 – A real bloody shock

Back aboard the AFK-290…

"Umm…Infernape/Chimchar?"

"Yeah Totodile?"

"Apparently neither Leavanny nor Boldore read this aircraft's manual – this puppy can fly at Mach 2.9! It can even fly into space! SPACE!" cheered Totodile.

"Ok then…set course for Slateport City in Hoenn – at those speeds we can easily make it to Kanto so let's take a quick detour – it was where I last was before I woke up in Sinnoh as a Chimchar. I wanna see if there are any clues there."

"Sure thing boss. Slateport City in 2 hrs."

Two hours later…

"We're now over Slateport city. All passengers who wish to disembark must proceed to the upper deck for takeoff from the compact Apache helicopter that somehow fits inside this thing," spoke Totodile over the intercom.

"Buizel. You're with me." spoke Chimchar to the water type.

"Ok then."

Twenty minutes later, the duo disembarked from the helicopter they had landed in the woods just outside the city. But before they could even leave the clearing, their honed battle senses were suddenly put on edge.

Suddenly, a bubble beam attack came out from the bushes and the duo leaped away, swiftly dodging it. Buizel fired a sonic boom in response while Chimchar raced forward with flame wheel.

From the bushes emerged a Treecko and a Corphish, both of whom were on the offensive. Pound attack collided with sonic boom while crab hammer collided with flame wheel.

Attacks were thrown around for the next two minutes, after which the four Pokémon stood in a circle facing each other.

"So. How does it feel to be a runt Sceptile?"

"How does it feel to have a flaccid baby wiener?"

"Touché. Now high five!"

And as the four Pokémon calmed down, several other Pokémon emerged from the bushes.

"So, the gang's all together?" asked Fletchling.

"Not quite. Though good news, we're headed for Kanto," answered Buizel.

"But what about the Riolu over there?" remarked Chimchar.

"He's with us," replied Treecko.

"Ok…" shrugged Chimchar.

X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X

Three hours later…

"We're now just over Pewter City. I'm gonna keep us in the air while somebody goes and picks up Ash and Pikachu," called Totodile over the intercom.

"I'll go!" answered both Fletchling and Corphish.

"No Fletchling, you will not go – I'm not going to encourage your rants against true love. Starly, you go with Corphish," replied Treecko.

"There, there, mate. You can roast Ash later," said Starly as he soothed Fletchling with a pat on his back.

"Fine…" sighed the former fire-flying type.

X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X

Back at the gym…

As Ash came to consciousness, he wondered why there was a weight on his chest. And for some reason, he could feel warm air gently on his neck.

But at that exact same moment, Misty woke up, cerulean green eyes meeting soft brown.

"Umm…Hi Misty." stuttered Ash.

"Hi Ash." whispered back Misty.

From behind a lockbox on the dresser, Pichu observed the two teens, internally shedding tears of joy. Now all that was left to do was get Misty to get closer to Ash by a few inches…

Unfortunately, Victini was not on his side, and he slipped from his vantage point and hit his head on the ground, startling the two teens.

Shaking out of her stupor, Misty got off the bed and went for the door, leaving the room, though not before turning to Ash and saying, "I'm glad you're ok Ash".

'Well, at least there was hope for those two' thought the small electric type.

"Hey Ash, I was wondering…"

Though before he could talk to Ash and get him thinking about it, his sensitive ears picked up the sound of rotor blades outside.

His curiosity getting the better of him, the small electric type raced out of the room, Ash hot on his tail in confusion over his starter's sudden reaction "Wait up buddy – what were you gonna ask me?"

Running out the back entrance of the building, he found the source of the sound, an Apache attack helicopter fifty feet in the air with four laser dots promptly aimed at him.

From a megaphone on the helicopter came a squeaky female voice that said,

'If you are whom you say you are, then speak of what happened at the flower garden troupe center in Unova.'

It was at that moment that Ash, Misty, and Brock came upon the sight of an attack helicopter with scope dots aimed at Pichu. But before they could intervene, the trio heard the question posed to the electric type that left Brock and Misty puzzled and Ash paling.

"Never! I will never reveal the secrets of my brother!" yelled Pichu without hesitation.

'Very well then' came the voice from the helicopter as the click of a rifle safety being released was heard.

"Pichu NO!" cried out Ash as he raced to attempt to shield his starter from what was to be an incoming storm of bullets.

But to the surprise of everyone, the laser dots disappeared, and the helicopter came in for a landing.

"Ok…what's going on?" asked Brock, voicing out the obvious question on everyone's mind.

And out of the aircraft popped out two Pokémon, a Corphish and a Starly, the latter who flew around Ash and landed on his head.

"Hey Ash! Long time no see aye."

"Staraptor? Is that you?"

"Who else is as handsome as me!"

"Shut it birdbrain." said Corphish as he fiddled with a fake beard covered in beads held in his pincer, which he promptly wore and started randomly smacking. After the seventh smack, a rustic human voice came in the place of Corphish's Poké-speech. "Hiya there guys!"

"Corphish can talk?" asked a bewildered Misty, disoriented by the situation at hand.

"Well, no, but thanks to this beauty here the wearer can talk in any language that exists. So long story short, Ash, could you come with us – we have a lot of stuff to go over."

"Wait. What do you mean by 'we'?" asked Brock.

"Well, a good number of our fellow comrades, that is to say, several of Ash's other Pokémon." answered the talking water type.

"Well, I trust you guys, so where to? Brock, Misty. You guys coming?"

"Somebody's gotta keep you out of trouble," remarked Misty.

And thus, the group of six hooped into the chopper that took off and went away. However, Brock was the first to notice a very sudden fact – nobody was piloting the helicopter.

"Autopilot."

"Oh."

X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X

Fifteen minutes later.

"Command center, we're coming in for a landing."

"Understood. You are clear for landing." spoke a voice on the other end of the comms, though all that Brock and Misty could hear was a Totodile talking.

But all of a sudden, a massive aircraft nearly the size of the Pewter gym appeared out of nowhere right under them. The center of the fuselage then opened up to reveal a helipad that the attack chopper promptly landed on. And with a small shudder the chopper was secured and lowered into the belly of the aircraft, the roof above them promptly closing.

And as the group stepped out with a mixture of hesitation and awe, the familiar face of Ash's Buizel appeared, passing what appeared to be headbands to Brock and Misty to wear. And as the duo hesitantly secured them to their heads, they could suddenly hear voices that they couldn't before.

"Hi guys! Can you understand me?" asked the water type.

"Yes, I can…wait, did I just understand what Buizel said?" asked a shocked Brock, to which Buizel merely smirked.

"Wow." was all that Misty could say.

"Follow me" spoke Buizel as he led them to a massive conference room with a U-shaped table and a mixture of chairs, recliners, barstools, and for some reason, a pair of ladders upon which a Chimchar and Treecko were perched, though these were quickly vacated as over a dozen Pokémon suddenly swarmed their trainer for a group hug.

"Ok guys, that tickles! I miss you all too!"

And after a minute of cuddly chaos, everyone went to claim a seating surface, with Ash and Brock on rotating barstools and Misty on a recliner with Pichu on the table itself.

"Ok guys, I miss y'all, but can someone tell me what's going on?"

"We were wondering if you could tell us what is going on. Because three weeks ago, all of us woke up in different places all over the world while being either devolved or several magnitudes weaker than what we once were," asked Chimchar.

"Well, it all started on the day that Ash and I left Pallet town for the first time, the day Ash became a trainer. You see, when we saw Ho-oh that day after escaping from a local flock of Spearow, Ash made a perfectly innocent wish – for his adventures to never end. The thing is, Ho-oh actually took it literally and granted it. and with a little help from Dialga and Palkia, Ash was…

and then we woke up in Pallet town and it was the day we first met, though I am now a Pichu who had been by his side for nearly ten years." finished Pichu.

"That explains a lot actually," remarked Taillow.

"Ok but what is all this guys?" asked Ash, indicating their surroundings. "And why do I have a feeling that you guys are more than just a team of awesome Pokémon."

"Ok. This is going to take quite some time to answer, so I'll get us started on our story, seeing as I've been a part of it from the very beginning," replied Charmeleon.

"It started roughly eight years ago, I mean in the old timeline, just a few months before the Silver Conference. Remember how Mewtwo wiped Team Rocket's memories of the events of Mt. Quena? Well, apparently the memory wipe didn't last for long as Team Rocket's leader Giovanni got his memories back. And seeing as he was still after Mewtwo, he continued to search for the psychic clone, though couldn't find any leads.

But since he remembered the events of Mt. Quena, he remembered us being there and believed that we might know where Mewtwo was. He did try to capture us several times while we were traveling through Johto, sending teams of grunts to do so, and even that creepy lady who goes by the title Agent Domino. But by sheer luck, we never encountered them and the Team Rocket Trio we know were fortunately not connected to this plot in any form.

But seeing as he couldn't get to us directly, he decided to strike at those close to us, specifically your guy's families – Mama Ketchum, Brock's parents and siblings, Misty's sisters, etc."

Three voices simultaneously cried out "WHAT!"

Before the trio of humans could panic, Charmeleon pressed ahead "Relax, they never got to any of them – Mama Ketchum was safe in Pallet town – being close friends and living right next door to an Ex-Champion in the form of Prof. Oak ensured that as long as she stayed within the town's boundaries, not a soul would even touch a hair on her head and live to tell the tale – Oak's Alakazam and Dragonite are literal monsters and nothing gets past them.

Brock's family was safe by virtue of Flint Harrison being a capable gym leader when he puts his mind to it, and it was by sheer luck that we stopped both attempts on Daisy, Violet, and Lily – Pidgeot and I were flying over Cerulean City and stopped the snipers in their tracks. And after a close call with an attempt on Delia when she was in Viridian by a grunt disguised as a mugger whom Mr. Mime dealt with, we knew that something had to be done.

Fast forward a year later and you were traveling through Hoenn. And by that point, you had stopped plots involving Groudon and Kyogre from Team Magma and Team Aqua and were now in their crosshairs for revenge. And they weren't the only ones. Remember Sir Lawrence III? The Masked Marauder? The former survived the events of Shamouti, and the latter escaped custody of the International Police, and both of them were out for your blood, individually sending assassins after you.

By this point, our family was much larger, and we decided to become more than just a team of admittedly awesome Pokémon. And with some help from a few friends we've made over the years, we set up ARK enterprises, a company that does research and development in various fields and manages investments in different markets – you'd have to ask Bulbasaur or Noctowl for the details – I'm more of a ''obliterate shit' kind of chap. ARK enterprises in turn became the face of our secret agency where we did all kinds of shit, mainly cleaning up after every legendary encounter you've been in and ensuring that anyone who looked into those events would find nothing relating to your involvement and minimizing any information on any of the legendaries present.

This in turn led to missions where we started hunting down the remnants of various organizations whose world-changing plots you've foiled that pose a threat to the safety of you and those close to you.

Lysander for example wasn't killed during the events of the Kalos Crisis, and he escaped, though was nothing more than a charred mess of flesh that was unfortunately alive. He and the remnants of Team Flare had planned to obliterate several major cities across Kalos and take out over sixty percent of the population with kinetic explosives made from leftover mega-evolution energy that wasn't used for their Zygarde plot in the event said plot had failed. He was someone we dealt with when we raided their base.

And once we were certain that for the time being, Team Ketchum and its extended family and friends were safe, we turned our attention to you, Ash."

"To Ash? Why? I know he's your trainer and all but still, why?" asked Brock.

"It's simple, we had a feeling that there was more to this 'Chosen One' business than just attracting legendaries like a swarm of Heracross to honey. Because no preteen encounters almost a dozen legendaries within just the first three years of their journey.

And that was confirmed by both the events of the Tree of Beginning and the time you faced Pyramid King Brandon for the final time. Because as impressive a species Pikachu is, no Pikachu, even one in perfect condition and years of intense training could beat a Legendary like Regice at full health with just one attack."

"Even I agree on that – I should've lost that battle against Regice. But somehow, I beat a legendary," remarked Pichu.

"Yet he did. Somehow, Pikachu was able to plow through pillars of reinforced ice like they were wet tissue paper and sent a two-ton Pokémon flying backwards. Now, I don't know about you, but that statement pretty much kicks every law of physics in the nuts repeatedly with lead-toed boots - I've looked over the footage repeatedly, and after talking with Pikachu; Noctowl, Snorlax, and I confirmed it – you were the reason how." lectured Turtwig.

"What do you mean guys?" asked a shocked Ash, struggling to take in everything said so far.

"Ash. During that battle with Brandon, just before I broke out of that pillar of ice, I suddenly felt a surge of power deep within me, and I dare say it, made me feel invincible. And when I used volt tackle for the final time, Regice was at full strength before I scored my direct hit thanks to rest, and yet the end result was a one-hit KO, which should be impossible for a Pokémon as tanky as one of the Regi-Trio at full strength.

And after the battle when Nurse Joy checked me over, I realized that I was barely injured, even when I knew for a fact that I was sore all over and on my last legs just before I became a Pika-sicle." described Pichu.

"And that was not the only time. Both Infernape and I felt similar surges of power during the Lily of the Valley Island Conference, and both of us went from our defeat being certain to winning against our respective opponents. Because a single leaf blade should not be able to take down a legendary like Darkrai, especially when said legendary is at near full strength thanks to a dark void/dream eater combination. And the effects of blaze are definitely not supposed to be on par with the power of Moltres to the point of enveloping an entire stadium in flames." followed up Sceptile.

"But what sealed the deal was Ash-Greninja. Seeing the transformation in play, along with notes we stole from Prof. Sycamore, the circumstances of every time you successfully pulled off the transformation, the triggers, the signs, all were very similar to that of the battles we just discussed." continued Pichu.

"But then why did Greninja and I struggle so much in the beginning?" asked Ash, feeling more questions pop up as he got answers.

"We theorize that to be down to an emotional component – you and Greninja lack the connection that you have with some of us, including myself or Charizard or Infernape. When we first met, we were both younglings who grew together through years of experiences. Charizard and Infernape were abandoned for being weak and you brought out their inner strength that made them the powerhouses that they are today.

Greninja on the other hand was a loner who was looking for an experienced trainer to be by his side. He could've survived on his own, but you gave him your friendship and the final push that he needed that granted him the power of Ash-Greninja. And while we believe that Prof. Sycamore may be right in that a one-in-a-trillion genetic quirk gave birth to Greninja's enhanced form, it was your emotional connection that when perfected, gave you two the ability to properly use it.

And after months of research, the only thing we believe to be the heart of this is Aura, the energy that flows through all forms of life."

"Aura? You mean like the move Aura sphere?" asked Misty.

"I'm thinking more along the lines of Aura like Sir Aaron or Riley, both of whom could actually use Aura. Am I right?" asked Brock.

"Indeed Brock," replied Turtwig. "We've looked into any records that have even a hint about Aura and the best we've found so far is that it can manifest itself in various different forms, though most humans never even get a spark of that beyond their ordinary life force. Some people are more in tune with nature, while others might be better at connecting with both people and Pokémon. Remember Sheena from Michina Town – her ability to connect with the hearts and minds of Pokémon and communicate with them is how Aura manifested in her.

But the broadest and rarest form of Aura being wielded by humans is by those known as 'Aura Guardians', individuals who have an inborn ability to sense and manipulate Aura just like a Lucario could, though with a few extras thrown in. Brock is correct in that Sir Aaron could manipulate Aura and he was indeed a full fledge Aura Guardian, one with the ability to control Aura in his blood.

Riley too was one, though his skill was less of inborn talent and more through years of training from our research. You, however, could use Aura with no previous training, as was seen during the tragic events at the Tree of Beginning, which is indicative of your natural abilities that you could do so much, especially the impossible feats that we've already seen in action.

We theorize that it is Aura that allows you to in essence 'lend' a Pokémon your power in battle. But seeing as we've only seen the results during very intense battles against elite-level Pokémon and legendaries, the logic that emotions would be high during such events would tie into how Aura is fundamentally linked to emotions, which would explain how battles against such Pokémon that should have been straightforward losses either became draws or in many cases, led to impressive victories.

Mind you, most of the stuff we've said so far is a mix of theory and conjecture and we'd like to someday test it all."

"So…wow. I saw you beat two legendaries and I struggled to believe it. And I was right there!" remarked Brock.

"But I'm just an ordinary trainer – an awesome one sure, but still…"

"Face it Ash – your special, even without this 'Chosen One' business. None of us have ever known a person as selfless as you, one that can inspire many to become better than what we are so far, and a guy who took in an abandoned and dying Charmander and plowed through all sorts of struggles to make him a Charizard that could look a legendary in the eye and win is a hero in my book." said Charmeleon with a toothy smile.

"Though…lets first have a quick snack break before we get into the part where the problems started to pop up." interjected Totodile. "Because I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

One delicious meal courtesy of Brock made in the kitchens later (yes, the aircraft had a full Michelin-style kitchen) …

"Well…now let's get down to the part where things went downhill." somberly said Charmeleon.

"Why do I have a feeling that I'm not going to like this part," muttered Ash.

"You're not gonna and will definitely get the urge to murder a giant rainbow-feathered Pidgey." remarked Pichu.

Taking a deep breath, Charmeleon continued, "Well, by the time you were done with your adventures through Sinnoh, you were already seventeen years old. And by this point, we had realized that something strange was going on. For one, you weren't growing at all, while everyone else around you were. By Arceus, you were in Sinnoh for nearly two years and Dawn gained a cup size."

"What do different-sized teacups have to do with Dawn?" asked Ash, seeing as his knowledge of both timelines did not include an understanding of the measurement system for female breasts.

Pichu facepalmed. "Brock will explain what we're talking about later, won't you Brock."

Said young man promptly snorted.

X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X

"Now where was I, oh yes, everyone around you was growing up, yet you weren't. You weren't getting taller, you still had preteen baby fat, your testosterone levels were in line with that of a ten-year-old, you still had a flaccid penis – Bayleef checked under your pants one night-"

"WHAT!"

"- and even your cognitive scans resembled that of a preteen more than that of an adult, Something was going on and it only went downhill from there."

"How bad could it be?" asked Misty.

"Bad. Real fucking bad.

You see, around the time you left for Unova, all of us felt drained, like we had just gotten pummeled by Giratina. Sore all over, our reflexes much slower than before, our attacks much weaker – it was not a fun time. And then we noticed how you were behaving like a newbie trainer, not a veteran with nearly seven years of experience.

Something was influencing you that was also affecting us. And that's when we started expanding ARK-enterprises and kicked things into high gear – we blew nearly a quarter billion Unovan dollars in attempting to figure out what was wrong with you, and then we stumbled upon something else – nobody else was noticing that something was wrong with you.

Like, some of you guys, specifically all of Ash's human long-term friends and associates were treating Ash like nothing had changed, as if Ash was still ten and you guys were the same age as when you had first met him. Occasionally, there were moments where you guys were behaving as you should be for your ages, but those were few and far between.

It was only after some of you guys parted ways with Ash after each region that we noticed it and the changes were evident…"

"Could you explain?" asked Misty.

"Umm…well…you see, it was thanks to you and Dawn that we figured it out…NO. I'm not gonna tell you – you'll attack me with your mallet!" stuttered Pichu.

"No, I won't Pichu – I'd never hurt you" replied Misty, confused as to why Pichu would think she'd ever hurt him.

"No, you will once I tell you."

"Come on Pichu, don't leave us in suspense." countered Brock.

"…Ok fine. But your gonna protect me from her mallet."

"I won't attack you Pichu, I promise."

"Fine.

Like, usually around Ash, you were your normal self, mostly the same person as you were in Johto, and thought of Ash as a close friend a.k.a the chap we all know him to be. But once you were away from Ash, well, your thought process regarding Ash went in a completely different direction, specifically to what we think was your natural 'unrestricted by rainbow Pidgey' thought process, most likely due to being far enough away from Ash to get affected by the aforementioned rainbow Pidgey wish magic.

Well, sometime after Ash returned from Sinnoh and just a few days before we left for Unova, I decided to pop down to Cerulean for a day to see how you were doing. Well, Psyduck and I walked into your room and saw you doing something that blew our minds.

You…you were playing with yourself. Like, you were groping yourself and had a hand down your thong and was moaning out Ash's name, asking for him to quote 'Pound me harder Ash – fuck me like the dirty little slut I am' and 'fill me up with your baby batter – I want lots of babies!' end quote."

"HOW DARE YOU!" roared Misty as she whipped her mallet and struck, leaving a crack in the solid oak wood table where Pichu stood mere moments earlier. And thus, the tiny mouse Pokémon raced out of the room, fearing for his survival for the next ten minutes as he was hunted down by an orange-haired beauty with anger management issues.

"So…was she angry that Pichu peeped in on her or was she embarrassed that Ash now knows about said moment?" asked Pidgeotto.

"Methinks both," replied Turtwig.

"While I know I shouldn't ask, I'm going to anyways – how did Dawn help you figure out that nobody else noticed Ash wasn't aging?" asked Brock, internally regretting the question.

"Well, you know how Dawn's Buneary feels about Pikachu right? Heck everyone knows!" spoke Chimchar.

"Yeah…"

"Well, she regularly talks about what Dawn's been up to over the phone, and well, Dawn's story is even crazier than Misty's.

Apparently, on many nights throughout Dawn's journey on the Johto contest scene, she walked in on Dawn frequently worshipping a dildo with her mouth before mounting six inches of artificial penis and bouncing on it repeatedly while screaming out Ash's name. She even got tattoos of Ash's z-shaped birthmarks on her asscheeks. Tattoos!" answered Chimchar.

Brock's response to this was to shed anime tears while mumbling "Ash, I'm so proud of you – a girl is willing to get tattoos for you! Why won't girls do that for me…"

Meanwhile, Ash was left in a state of catatonic shock, his eyes glassed over with a dollop of drool on the edge of his lips.

"Well fuck. We broke him." sighed Charmeleon.

It was at that moment that the baby Sharpedo song rang from the Pokédex – someone else was attempting to call Ash, though nobody would answer it as they were all concerned about their trainer's wellbeing. Suddenly, the Pokédex slipped out of Ash's pocket and hit the floor, accidentally accepting the call.

Simultaneously, Fletchling decided to make his thoughts known.

"And don't forget Serena – that girl is really kinky – she bought a chest full of sex toys that she apparently wants Ash to use on her one day – I saw her tear open a box from Tiffany & Co. that had a set of solid gold butt-plugs, each with a chain attached to a collar with 'Property of Ash Ketchum' inscribed on it."

Now, while Ash was previously a twenty-year-old with the biology and cognitive capabilities of a ten-year-old who had never heard of concepts such as dildos and butt-plugs, let alone sex, he was also a fifteen-year-old in this timeline who had grown up alongside Gary Oak, the horniest teenager on the planet. And after the 2011 Daisy Oak Panty raid in this timeline that led to Ash and Gary getting the Talk with a lecture from Daisy on all known "items of pleasure", well, suffice to say, Ash understood enough to comprehend what exactly his Pokémon had said about three of his longtime female friends and promptly face planted on the table, out cold from shock.

Oh dear…

X - - - X - - - X - - - X - - - X

An hour earlier…

At an abandoned McDonald's just outside Olivine City, Bulbasaur was using the umbrella in Ronald McDonald's hand as a shade – the weather was hot and dry – not a good combo for a grass type. Under the shade of a tree nearby, Noctowl (still in the form of a Hoothoot) was using his super brain to process millions of thoughts, all towards the objective of figuring out their next move.

Nearby, Cyndaquil and Chikorita were lounging about while being close to a cream-colored egg in an incubator. Meanwhile, the Tauros herd were all sitting crossed hind-legged and meditating, with at least half of them floating in midair. Finally, the Meltan were dancing to Justin Bieber on the radio.

Had any human come upon this sight, they would have presumed that they were high on drugs and immediately gone to the nearest hospital for an urgent drug screening.

"Ah ha! I have a plan." answered Hoothoot after spending fifteen minutes of patient thinking.

"Well spit it out Dr. Night!" snarked back Bulbasaur, feeling rather impatient at the moment with the craziness going on.

"Well…"

Thirty minutes later…

After reliving a drunk driver of his U-Haul, sneaking into the back room of the local Apple Store, and wiring up a shiny new iMac to the McDonald's Wi-Fi router after buying a dozen vanilla softies with money from the aforementioned drunk driver's wallet, the Saffron University Professor with seven PhDs who just so happened to be a Normal-Flying type Pokémon scoured the internet for anything and everything. Because when in doubt, use google search.

Another thirty minutes later…

"Well, I can say with certainty that we are in the past and that reality has been rewritten – we are in the year 2013, specifically eight years, six months, 9 days, 1 hour, 14 minutes, and three seconds and counting in difference between the time I was working on page 315 of my 69th research paper and when I woke up as a Hoothoot."

"Yes, yes, we all know you're a genius, so as Director I want suggestions people!" growled Bulbasaur.

"Go find another safe house Director?" remarked William Kensington III the Tauros, the head of their for-hire goods delivery service, namely for Amazon Prime shipments.

"We've spent the past few days trying that – the curse brought us to Olivine instead of Goldenrod, where I hoped we'd be able to get to our safe house there. And sure, we ran into Squirtle when he performed an emergency landing yesterday and met Dr. Night, Cyndaquil, Chikorita, and Scraggy's egg this morning when we reached Olivine city, but for all we know, we might somehow end up in Alola next!" replied Bulbasaur.

"What about contact with base?" asked Humper the Tauros, the head of their Moo-Moo Miltank operations.

"All communications are offline – I've got nothing." replied Bulbasaur.

"What about number zero?" asked Hoothoot.

"Do we even know if Ash is alive?" asked Chikorita.

"Only one way to find out."

One phone number dialed later…

"Hello?" spoke Hoothoot with the payphone they were using on speaker.

'And don't forget Serena – that girl is really kinky – she bought a chest full of sex toys that she wants you to use on her one day – I saw her tear open a box from Tiffany & Co. that had a set of solid gold butt-plugs, each with a chain attached to a collar with 'Property of Ash Ketchum' inscribed on it.'

"WHAT THE FUCK!" yelled Bulbasaur.

'Director Bulbasaur?' answered a voice different from the previous one of debaucher-esque thoughts.

"Yes, This is Director Bulbasaur requesting communications with Supreme Command and/or Leader."

'This is General Staraptor.'

"So Staraptor, can you connect me to either Ash or Pikachu? And what the hell did I just hear a moment ago?"

'Negative to both – Pikachu, who's currently a Pichu, is running for his life from Misty's mallet and Ash is currently in shock, currently experiencing the human version of Error 404 after hearing about how Misty, Dawn, and Serena are interested in having sex with him.'

"WHAT!" yelled several voices simultaneously.

'Yep, you heard me right. Where are you guys? Kanto? Johto?'

"We're just outside Olivine City in Johto."

'Ok. Give me a moment…

-Ok. So Totodile says that we'll be there in a little over forty-five minutes – find a large empty clearing away from prying eyes, large enough to fit a few Wailords and we'll pick you guys up – who all are with you by the way?'

"Most of the Johto squad save for Heracross and Phanpy and the aforementioned water type who's with you, the entire Tauros herd and one hundred of a Pokémon that claims to be a part of the Alola crew known as Meltan. Oh, and Scraggy's egg."

'Ok then – we'll see you guys soon.'

End call.

All that Bulbasaur knew was that there was going to be a lot of shit to catch up on…

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