The two girls sat without speaking a word for what seemed like forever. The kitchen clock ticked as slow as molasses; the only other sound was the chomp of Becca's biting her on her fingernails.

It was Zellogi who broke the silence; "So, what'cha gonna do? Kira's coming and you-"

"Not now, Zellogi!" Esther hissed. "I'm trying to think…Goddmanit."

Kira was smart. He was logical. He was more experienced and was always going to be two steps ahead of her. But he was showing all, no, most of his cards. He was coming to America. He'd make himself known to her - alone. Even if they were a dozen members of the Task Force, he'd be the one paying the most attention to her.

She had to think like Kira…but how was she supposed to do that? All she knew for sure was that he was a guy from Japan. At least she was pretty sure Kira was a guy. But he was a human and could be killed.

But that didn't exactly narrow things down.

"How many times has he called you?"

"What?"

"How. Many. Times. Has. Kira. Called. You." Becca said, each word punctuated with a sharp stop like a knife to the chest.

"Including now? Like two. Three times…"

"And you didn't bring this up before? I thought we agreed that there wouldn't be any more secrets!"

"Can we not argue about this right now? If we don't come up with a plan before he comes, we're fucked."

"Before who comes?"

Both of the girls turned. Isaac was standing there, having just come in through the front door. Esther and Becca turned to each other.

"Mr. Broward," Becca said quickly.

"Your history teacher?"

"Yeah," Esther added. "He's been out - but he wants everyone to submit a project proposal by the end of the week...And we haven't started."

"That sounds like Becca. It doesn't sound like you, though," Isaac said, grabbing something from the pantry. "But…what's it on? Maybe I can help before I head over to tennis practice."

"Oh no, we're good," Esther said, feigning what she hoped looked like a genuine smile. "We've both been just a little overwhelmed starting school again. How's tennis going?"

"Good! One of the kids I coach is going to an international camp this summer, so I'm super excited for him. I had a lot of fun when I did it," he said. "I learned a lot and made some good friends. I should reach out to my old roommate from then. We lost touch once he went into high school and he decided to stop competing. Very serious about his grades." Isaac wandered out of the kitchen, mostly talking to himself.

Both girls let out a deep breath of relief once he was out of earshot. Then Becca glared at her. In a hushed tone, she asked, "Is there anything else you're not telling me?"

There was a lot she wanted to tell her. But it wasn't facts about the notebook; it was that she had worries about it. How burdened she felt. How could you even put that into words? Becca wasn't the one using it - and aside from being able to see Zellogi, Esther wasn't going to allow her to touch it again.

"Zellogi," Becca said, turning around, "Is there anything important that you haven't told Esther? Something that we both should know?"

"Hm…" he said, tapping his chin with his finger. "Let me think…That's going to depend on what you think counts as important. She knows how it works. That's all that really matters at the end of the day."

"That doesn't answer -"

"Becca," Esther interrupted, "Please don't argue with a literal god of death. He can and will kill you."

Becca turned pale, as though that possibility hadn't occurred to her yet.

"She's right! One of the reasons I don't kill Esther is because I want to see how this all goes!" The shinigami cackled. Esther winced as he patted her head like she was a fucking dog. She pulled away before Zellogi's fingers could get tangled in her hair.

"Does that mean you know who Kira is?"

"Maybe."

Becca shot her a glance.

"He's not going to tell us, Becca…And now that you know, I don't think there's any way out…Having this notebook is dangerous. But it would be even more dangerous for it to fall in the hands of another Kira. So, I gotta keep it and use it. And I don't know what you're supposed to do. I don't want you getting hurt. I know that I've been keeping secrets, but I don't want you getting in trouble for something I did. So, if I keep secrets about the notebook from you - it's for your own good."

"O-okay," Becca replied. "I'll trust you."


Light hadn't been looking forward to being stuck in an airplane for 12-plus hours with L for company. But he had to admit, flying in a private plane did have its advantages.

The last time he had been out of the country was back in junior high - he was motion-sick throughout the flight. It had been embarrassing. Not to mention that he had been stuck in a middle seat between two other boys who had reeked of B.O. and with a crying baby in front of him, plus some man who stuck his bare feet onto his armrests behind him.

If he ever figured out who the latter passenger was, his name was going into the Death Note for that alone.

But now he sat on a cushy leather recliner, iced green tea in hand, and a pair of headphones on. He thought to himself, that when he became the God of the New World, he'd only travel like this. Sure it was selfish, but he deserved it, didn't he?

If he could, he would have stretched out and relaxed - but he knew L was watching him. Any hint of weakness, of relaxation, of letting his guard down could give L the advantage. He turned his attention to his laptop; he was digging through the girl's social media again, to see if there was anything he could glean from it.

"Light, I'm so bored! When are we going to get there?" Ryuk whined.

Of course, he couldn't answer or acknowledge the question in any way. L would be listening to anything and everything he said and did. Light just continued scrolling through her social media pages.

Even prior to the incident, it didn't seem like she was particularly active on any of the usual sites. She had public profiles but didn't post much. And when she did it was usually just sharing some kind of nonsense meme.

Weren't teenage girls supposed to be obsessed with this kind of stuff? His mom could hardly get Sayu off her phone for dinner most nights. She was always chatting with her friends or watching videos. This girl should have a digital footprint the size of Tokyo.

Surely there was something more about her. They had gone through her school records, her family history, and anything that could matter. L wanted actual access to her laptop and phone - and to her home.

Maybe the whole hidden camera and microphone thing would be more successful with her. That was part of their mission while in the States. Of course, the latter was going to be a bit difficult.

L didn't want the American government to find out about this aspect of the investigation. The less they knew, the better.

"Light-kun, have you found anything?"

"No. Oddly enough, it seems that she hasn't even joined any support groups. Several of her classmates have posted about it - some have gone on television or are making videos…but she's just been quiet."

L nodded, almost solemnly. "And why do you think that is, Light-kun?"

What was this crap? It didn't matter really, L just wanted to hear his "reasoning." What Kira would say or think was pretty irrelevant at this point. There wasn't much either of them could do at 40,000 feet in the air.

"Do you think there's any chance she's posting using an alias?"

"Unlikely. She is keeping a low profile because she doesn't want attention, that's just her nature."

Not to mention, the girl doesn't seem smart enough to pull off something like that. I give her 2 hours with those cameras in her house, tops. She won't think to look, he thought.

Getting rid of L after that would be easy. He just had to get her to make the eye deal.

With his charm, the girl should be putty in his hands. All of Sayu's friends had a crush on him at some point, American girls shouldn't be any different. And he'd do it before she even figured out he was Kira. By the time it was revealed, she'd have no other option but to go along with his plan.

L nodded again. He seemed to stare blankly at nothing for a moment before unwrapping a slice of cake from the snack box in front of them.

"Would you like some, Light-kun?"

"No thank you, Ryuzaki," he said as he closed his laptop and stretched his arms.

"You should try to sleep then," he responded. "We have a busy few days ahead."

For once, and likely the only time, Light fully agreed with L.


"I'll trust you."

The words echoed in Esther's head. How true they were didn't really matter, not now. She had to make the decisions - the notebook, the power, was in her hands. So why did she feel so damn helpless?

She probably couldn't overpower them in a fight, she definitely couldn't outsmart them. Even with Becca's help, they stood no chance. And she definitely couldn't involve anyone else in her scheme.

"Zellogi. How do people do this?"

"Do what?"

"This…" she said gesturing wildly, "Maintaining their normal life and using the Death Note."

"They don't, usually," he said. "Least to my knowledge. Never dropped one before - and it's pretty rare for shinigami to come to the human world these days. But I've heard stories."

"So I'm screwed no matter what?"

"You're just realizing that now?"

Esther buried her face into her hands. "I never should have picked it up…."

"I gotta ask, why did you pick it up?"

She was about to answer when she heard the front door open and the smell of Indian food wafted from downstairs.

"ESTHER! I'M HOME! I HAVE DINNER."

"Coming!"

She hurried downstairs to the kitchen, Zellogi hovering behind her the whole way,

"I hope you don't mind that I ordered in - I was dealing with the police all day, those hooligans are threatening the shop -"

"Again?" her face fell.

He nodded solemnly. "But let's not worry about that right now. I ordered Royal Jaipur. I got your favorite."

"Thanks…"

She pulled out the aluminum tins of butter chicken and rice, and the naan where the butter had already soaked through the paper wrapper. It smelled delicious - as always. But she just picked at her food, pushing the pile of chicken back and forth, her appetite suddenly gone.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

"The future. Where things are going to go. What I should be doing…" she had to stop herself.

"You should be going to school, maybe practicing for the PSATs and hanging out with your friends…You don't need to worry about big things right now."

"Do I really have that luxury anymore? I'm not worried about grades. I'm worried about surviving. Whether something like that could happen again or if some Nazi nitwit is going to try and attack me or you or Becca."

Her father looked down at his plate and put down his silverware. He let out a small sigh. "You're right. You're absolutely right. And I know we've talked about this a bit - and I know that it can't be easy for you. It is scary out there right now. And it probably feels like you can't do anything to change it."

Except I can. But not without risking the lives of people I care about.

"But I feel like I need to - that I have to- do something."

"And that's a good thing. But remember, you don't have to fix the world. That's too much pressure to put on one person. It is not up to you to solve every issue. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief….You are not obligated to complete the work."

"But neither are you free to abandon it," Esther and her dad finished the phrase in unison.

It was one of the few lessons from Hebrew school that she had remembered. She hadn't thought about it - not directly - for a while.

Her dad wiped a tear that was running down her cheek. He smiled, "I know you're always striving to do the right thing. I know you feel horrible about what happened that day. But it's not your fault. Instead of focusing on the past - look to the future."

"When did you start talking like a rabbi?" she said, cracking a smile.

"I've been talking with Rabbi Weiss a lot. I know it sounds silly, but I get scared too. I needed guidance."

"Oh."

Somehow, it had never occurred to her how scared her dad must be. She had seen him cry, she had felt his almost crushing hug when they were reunited; she had seen him go quiet after her mom's diagnosis… She knew he wasn't infallible. She knew he got scared. But this was different.

"I want you to be careful when you go out - those nutters are getting more and more confident. And for some reason, they really seem focused on us. They targeted the bakery again and sent some scary threats. And with that whole weirdo serial killer out there they aren't showing their faces on camera. Pretty funny considering they basically worship the guy - but we don't know who they are or if it's the same people."

"I'm pretty sure it's the same group as before, Dad."

"Me too. But the police have a lot on their plates still. This isn't a priority for them."

"Why? It should be!"

"I…I don't know. Either way, we just gotta let the justice system do its work and trust that everything will turn out okay."

Justice system? She thought. What justice system? A real justice system would have done something the first time they broke the law. A real justice system would have made sure they learned their lesson and that their crimes didn't escalate. The justice system was broken.

She didn't trust it at all.

No. She was going to have to find a way to fix it herself.


A/N: I can't believe I've been writing this fic for a year now! I feel bad that I've only gotten out 12 chapters - but I took some time and outlined the rest of the story more in-depth, so hopefully that makes this process a little faster! Thank you all for your continuous support and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this or other chapters!