Mother Simpson Homer's Long Lost Mother arrives!
Introducing Glenn Close as Mona Simpson. Oh God she's Cruella De Vil!
PlotMr Burns has made everyone clean up the river today as an inspection from the government is due. However Homer doesn't want to do the extra work so he fakes a dummy of himself and throws it into the river.
"Here's your caption, boys. "Local Hero Shuns Spotlight and Pitches In." said Mr Burns.
"What an angle!" said Smithers brown nosing
"I can't believe I'm spending my Saturday picking up garbage." Carl complained. "I mean, half these bottles ain't even mine."
Oscar's uncle Buck Tamaki was picking up litter and drinking bottles of Duff and dropping them about. He looked about shifty.
"Yeah! And it's Saturday!" Lenny moaned.
"Let's have less conversation and more sanitation." Mr Burns spoke into a megaphone.
"Hey, where's Homer? How'd he get out of this?" Carl asked.
"Hey, everybody! Up here!" Homer called from a high cliff.
"Simpson, stop frolicking and get to work." Mr Smithers snapped.
Oscar was skipping gayly and singing "La de la la la! La la la!"
Bart hiding in the bushes winced.
"Right away, Mr. Smithers. I'll just walk across these slippery rock- Yaaaaaaaagh!" Homer fell!
"Oh, no! He's going over the falls!" Lenny gasped.
"Oh, good. He snagged that tree branch." said Carl.
The branch snapped.
"Oh, no! The branch broke off." said Lenny.
"Oh good! Those jagged rocks broke his fall!" said Carl.
"Oh no! He broke his bones!" Lenny replied.
"Oh good! Those beavers are saving him!" said Carl.
"Oh no! They're biting him!" Lenny replied as the beavers bit the Homer doll.
"He's going to be sucked into that turbine!" Smithers gasped. That is precisely what happened. Everyone gasped in horror and bowed their heads in somber.
"Smithers what's going on?!" Mr Burns demanded an explanation.
"Homer Simpson has sadly met a grisly end..." Smithers felt bad for Homer and shed a tear. "I'll inform his widow."
"Great dummy Dad!" said Bart. "So life like!"
"Yep! Definitely worth $600." said Homer. Where did he get a dummy for that price?! "Now I think we earned this Saturday! Let's go home!"
"You said it, Dad!" said Bart.
...
Later that day everyone in town offers their condolences.
"Sixty-one. Sixty-two. Sixty-three." Marge is counting something when the door rings. "Just a sec."
At the door are Tim, Helen, Ned and Maude.
"Tim? Helen? Ned? Maude? What's wrong?" Marge asked.
"Marge, we can't tell you how sorry we are." Tim said sorrowfully.
"You have our deepest condol-diddly-olences." said Ned slipping into his usual gibberish. "I'm sorry. I-I'm just nervous. I didn't mean any disrespect."
"What are you talking about?" Marge asked.
"You know. Uh- Homer's passing. Away. Into death." Ned tried to explain gently.
"What?" Marge asked.
"Homer's not dead! He's just out the back in his hammock!" Marge explained. She goes to show the Flanders and Lovejoys but Homer has vanished somewhere.
"Oh, Marge. Of course Homer's alive. He's alive in all our hearts." said Ned comforting her.
"Oh, Marge... I see him too..." Maude comforts Marge.
"Hi everybody!" Lisa skips past in a gay manner.
"Lisa that looks so lame and annoying!" Oscar groans.
"My skipping is not lame!" Lisa groans. "And Mom's right, Mrs Flanders. Homer and Bart are just hiding in the treehouse."
"Oh thanks spoilsport!" Bart and Homer groan as they stick their heads out from the treehouse window.
"I'm sorry about that. I don't know what my husband s planning today. Sorry he's wasted your time." said Marge as her church friends left.
"Marge, I'm gonna give you the card of our juvenile counselor." said Tim giving her a card.
"Um thanks Tim." said Marge.
Some time later Patty and Selma arrive, with a tombstone labelled Homer Simpson with his birth and death date.
"A tombstone?!" Marge asked exasperated.
"We heard the terrible news, Marge. So we made a headstone." said Selma.
"It came with the burial plot. But that's not important." said Selma.
"The important thing is Homer is dead." said Patty, pleased.
"We've been saving for this since your wedding day." said Selma cackling.
"Homer is not dead! Now get out of here, you ghouls!" Marge sends them away. "Ayayaya..." she sighed. Suddenly the lights all go out. "Now what?!"
She looks out the window to find an electrician cutting their electricity.
"Hey! There must have been a mistake!" Marge yells.
"No mistake, lady. Your electricity is in Mr Simpsons's name, now that's he's passed I have to turn it off, stops any squatters." said the Raphael sounding electrician. "If you want it turned back on, get a job. Or a generator."
"Oooooh!" Marge shuts the window and stands there in the dark. Only her eyes are visible. "Homer, why did you tell everyone you were dead just to get out of work?"
"Hey! My contract is just to be a safety technician! I'm not responsible for litter duty!" Homer retorts as his eyes appear.
Suddenly Lisa's eyes appear. "Mom! Bart ran into a door and bit his tongue!"
"What's everyone yebbing aboud?!" Bart's eyes appear and he's trying to talk with a swollen tongue.
"Fine... I'll go to the Tax office and explain I'm still alive tomorrow..." Homer groans.
...
Homer is at the Tax office explaining he's still alive. Well he storms in angrily...
"Listen here! My name is HomerJ. Simpson! You guys think I'm dead, but I'm not." Homer ranted. "I want you to straighten this out without a lot... of your bureaucratic red tape and mumbo jumbo!"
"Okay, Mr. Simpson. I'll just make the change here. And you're all set." said the clerk.
"I don't like your attitude, you watercooler dictator." said Homer squinting furiously at him.
"Sieg Heil!" Oscar was doing Hitler taches. He had some water coolers.
They gurgled.
"What did they say?" Rainer Wolfcastle asked a citizen advisory bureau clerk.
"Oz no!" Homer whined.
"Ok, Mr Simpson. There we go. All done." said the British clerk.
"Hey! I don't like your tone!" said Homer sharply.
"Okay, hows this?" asked the clerk as if someone put his voice through an electronic synth pop filter.
"Okay wise guy! I want to read that. I have right to, don't I?" Homer is being difficult.
"Why sure." The clerk replied letting him see his profile.
"Ah here we go! Wife: Margerine. Kids: Bartholomew and Eliza?! Ah Ha! Who the hell is Margaret Simpson?" Homer yells.
"Your youngest daughter." The clerk explained.
"Your youngest daughter!" Homer mimicked him. "And get this! This says my mother is still alive! She died when I was just a kid!"
"Are you sure?" The clerk asked.
"See that angel statue out there?! That's my mother's grave!" Homer yelled.
"Um, maybe you should go out there..." The clerk asked.
Homer whimpered. He was creeped out by graveyards/cemeteries. Well who isn't?
At home.
Oscar and Bart are eating candy.
Marge doesn't approve. Like most mothers.
"Oh no you don't. No more sugar crashes. It's time to get some exercise around here now!" She took the bowl of sweets.
"Marge I have to have insulin or sweets to make insulin. Or I'll go into hypoglycaemic shock and die..." said Oscar.
"You just said something geeky, loser..." Bart muttered.
"Fine... but Bart can and should cut out the sugar in his diet. Come on have some fruit Bart..." said Marge offering Bart a piece of fruit.
Oscar checked his pager. It told him it was time for his insulin shot.
...
Homer reluctantly went out there to prove himself.
"Oh, I'm sorry I haven't been to see you Mom! I'm just scared of graveyards that's all!" Homer whines as he clears away the moss from the statue.
While he does this Oscar tries not to blink as he stares at the angel statue while holding his eyelids open. His eyes soon sting and begin to water.
"What are you doing?!" Homer gawked at him.
"Don't look away from that angel statue! And don't blink! That's how the Weeping Angels get you!" said Oscar.
Homer shook his head. Best not ask. He continued pulling at the ivy and moss on the angel statue memorial.
Homer discovers the grave is Walt Whitman's.
"Walt Whitman! Daaaaaaagh! I hate Walt Whitman! Leaves of Grass my ass!" Homer angry that his father pointed out the wrong grave kicks the angel statue.
"Wait! Maybe it's that other grave, the one that says Simpson!" However it's the one Patty and Selma brought. "Aaaaaaaagh! Why does my death keep coming back to haunt me!" Homer screams and falls in the open grave.
"Whaaaaa! Oof!"
Oscar laughed.
A shadow appears.
"You awful! Awful man! Get out of my son's grave!" An angry woman's voice shouts.
"Um, I'd hate to rain on your parade lady, but this is my grave and-" Homer suddenly realises who the lady glaring at him is. "Mom?!"
"Homer?!" said the lady.
"Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuun!" Oscar yelled doing the soap opera dramatic sting.
"I thought you were dead!" Homer gets out of the open grave hole and hugs his mom.
"I thought you were dead!" Homer's mom cried as she hugged him.
"Gee, is anyone in this cemetery actually dead?" A grave keeper asks. Hans Moleman pops out of a casket.
"Well, actually..." Hans explained.
Marge tried to get Bart and Hugo to eat some fruit.
"Hugo already has scurvy. Take that as a warning Bart..." said Marge.
"He's the reason Dad won't let us in the attic right?" Bart winced.
"Well yes, but your father's out right now." said Marge.
Hugo was sniffing Bart and growling in a feral manner.
Marge offered them an apple each.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away." Marge quipped an old saying.
"Oh good. Because I hate Hibbert!" Hugo willingly took the apple to eat.
Marge sighed. "I know dear..."
...
"Homer, you grew up so handsome." Mona said proud of her son.
"Some people say I look like Dan Aykroyd." said Homer.
We suddenly cut to the roof of the Ivo Shandor building. Gozer is zapping Homer, Lenny, Carl and um Frink with purple lightning.
"Homer! When someone asks if you're a god, you say yes!" Carl yelled as he was zapped with purple lightning.
"Why you stupid little! Enough of the cutaways!" Homer throttled Oscar. Mona looked alarmed. "Oops! Sorry. Got a bit of a temper."
Mona frowned at Homer. He hastily released Oscar who glared at him while rubbing his sore neck.
"I can't believe you're here." said Homer checking his mother out to see if she was real.
"Dad, always said you died when I was at the movies." Homer explained.
"Oh, you poor thing! You must have so beside yourself!" his mom replied. "But I suppose your father had his reasons..."
"He also told me about my half brother Herb." said Homer.
"Oooooooh that careless oaf! Sweetie you weren't supposed to know that!" Mona groaned annoyed. "Oh well... How is Herbert, the boy that nearly wrecked our marriage..."
"Well he's rich! Then I sorta bankrupted him... then I helped him get rich again..." said Homer.
"Oh Homer..." Mona sighed. A little disappointed in him but relieved he helped Herb out in the end.
"Yeah. Well, where have you been all this time?" Homer asked.
"Oh, it's a very complicated story. Let's just enjoy this moment." said Mona.
"Mom, there's something you should know about me. I almost always spoil the moment." said Homer.
A pelican dropped a fish in his pants. It floundered and wriggled about.
"I'm sorry." said Homer.
"That's okay, darling. It wasn't your fault." said Mona sweetly.
Oscar laughed at the randomness of the pelican dropping a fish in his pants.
At home Marge was still trying to get Bart to eat fruit.
"How about a banana?"
"Do I look like a chimp to you?!" Bart frowned.
Suddenly Maggie smelt foul. Marge figured she needed her diaper changed.
"Hugo you can help put the dirty diaper in the diaper pail." Marge instructed Hugo.
Hugo groaned but complied.
Bart laughed.
Plot 2Homer comes home with his mother.
"Everyone, allow me to introduce... My mother!" Homer explained.
Everyone gasps.
"Grandma Simpson?" Lisa asks.
"Yes kids, I'm your grandma!" Mona explained.
"Hey! You owe us years of birthday presents, Christmas presents, Thanksgiving dinners..." Bart rants.
"Why you little!" Homer strangles Bart.
"Homer! I didn't bring you up to be violent!" Mona scolds Homer.
"Oops! Sorry Mom!" Homer puts Bart down and blushes.
"Ack! To be honest lady, you didn't exactly bring him up at all!" Bart says while wheezing from being choked.
"Oh he's right, you probably don't even know me!" Mona sighed.
"Oh well, you have missed so much..." Marge explained.
"Yeah... like all my birthdays..." said Bart frowning.
"Shut up you little!" Homer barked.
"This is like the plot of a soap opera. A long lost family member..." said Oscar.
"Well it is rather cliched, but we regularly are in contact with Mom's mom, now we finally get to see our other grandmother." said Lisa.
Santa's Little Helper barked.
"Oh you have a dog." said Mona.
"That's not a problem is it?" Homer asked his Mom.
"Not really. Although I was rather cruel and nasty towards Dalmatians in 101 Dalmatians." said Mona.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart groaned.
"Yes but you were sweet and caring towards Tarzan in Disney's Tarzan." said Marge.
"That film doesn't exist yet, Mom." said Lisa.
Marge sighed.
"Well I'm gonna be nice and sweet this time round." Mona addressed the fourth wall.
Everyone gawked at her.
"I demand to see Garp!" said Oscar.
Bart groaned.
...
"You're kidding! That's Grandma Simpson?" Lisa gasped. "Can you believe it? I thought she was-"
"Hello. This is so weird." said Marge "It's like something out of Dickens. Or Melrose Place."
"Or a hackneyed soap opera..." said Oscar.
"Where have you been, Granny? They freeze you or something?" said Bart being cheeky,
"Oh, my! Such clever grandchildren. So full of questions and bright, shiny eyes." said Mona. She's so sweet...
"Oh oh oh! I want to ask Mona ridiculous questions!" Oscar was antsy.
"Oz no-" Bart whined but Oscar asked anyway.
"Are you the Mona Lisa painting?" Oscar asked. "I have to ask because she might have come to life again and I'll have to call K-9 and Sarah Jane Smith..."
"No..." said Mona.
"Are you a vampire?" Oscar asked.
The Simpsons face palmed.
"Just ignore him, Grandma..." Bart groaned.
"I don't know what to say. I finally have a mother-in-law. No more living vicariously through my girlfriends." said Marge.
"Marge! Hellooooooooo daaaaahlings!" Oscar was being sassy and slightly queer.
"Oz a lady can refer to her female friends as girlfriends with out coming across as a lesbian..." Marge sighed.
Bart demanded birthday, Christmas and Kwanza presents from Mona, again.
"I'll Kwanza you!" Homer roared.
The Simpsons face palmed.
"Homer, don't be so hard on little⦠(whispers) what is his name?" said Mona.
"Bart, Bart Simpson." Bart explained.
"You'll get to know everybody in time Mom." said Homer.
Marge was glum.
"Why so down honey?" Mona asked.
"Well Mona, Men die young in my family. I never really got to spend time with my dad." Marge sobbed.
Mona comforted her.
Oscar then started being "childish" rude. Ie talking about bums.
"Bum! Bum! Bum! Buuuuuum!"
The Simpsons sighed.
"Did your mother ever wash your mouth out with soap and water?" Mona frowned at him.
"No. she would beat me half to death with a birch branch..." Oscar frowned.
Marge cut in suddenly. "He was treated badly by his birth parents. It's best not to discuss it."
...
Later they decide to reenact each of the kid's births... Marge is lying on the sofa under a blanket pretending to be going into labour. Bart falls out from under the blanket wearing a diaper and with a cable tube duct taped to his belly.
"Waaaa! I'm born. Now where's my clothes..." Bart groans embarrassed by this charade.
"No let's continue this game! D'aaaaawwwww! Baby Bart!" Oscar cooed hugging Bart.
Bart groaned.
Homer was talking into a pram in the lounge.
"Don't be a baby, Bart! Say da-da! [Bart blows raspberry at Homer] Hehehehe! Kids..." said Homer.
Baby Bart projectile vomited over him.
"Eeeeeeeew!" Lisa groaned covering her eyes.
"Oh god! I think my lunch is going back up again!" Oscar ran to the toilet to be sick.
Marge sighed.
Later.
"Well I think we've got to the bottom of why Bart is well a tad mischievous." said Marge.
"That's putting it lightly Marge..." said Homer having washed up after Baby Bart puked on him.
"Well you see, when Bart was originally growing up there were no good cartoons on." said Marge.
"Now Disney released all this cool stuff like Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers... Bonkers... Ducktales..." said Oscar flicking through the TV.
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
"Don't... do that..." Oscar frowned.
Baby Bart was sat in front of the TV which has Bonkers on. Baby Bart winced and wet his diaper as he stared at Bonkers's big red shiny nose.
They then looked through the album.
"Here's Bart sleeping. And again... and again..." there were several photos of Bart asleep.
Lisa giggled.
"Here's Hank, our nephew from Homer's side of the family, helping dispose of Bart's stinky diapers."
Hank was holding his nose and looking grossed out as he held a dirty diaper with his other hand.
Bart groaned embarrassed as they looked at photos of him.
"And here's that time he met that dumb green cartoon bear cub from Happy Little Elves." said Homer. There was a picture of the Curious bear cub sniffing Bart with his big wet shiny green nose.
...
In Homer and Marge's room. Homer explains where he keeps his stuff.
"Ie. My clothes, when I'm not wearing them." said Homer.
"Shirts in the top draws, just like I would put them." Mona jokes. They giggle and hug.
"You remembered." Homer sighed hugging her. Oh, I've missed moments like this... Mom."
Homer then explained more things in the master bedroom. "I sleep in a big bed with my beautiful wife, Marge."
"Oh! You've grown up so fast!" said Mona.
Elsewhere Oscar was hanging out the front with Ralph.
"I'm gonna set you on fire. Nyahahahaha ha..." Ralph giggled.
Bart looked concerned.
"Ralph that isn't funny. Especially coming from you..."
"Everyone be like the Japanese! Kill the dolphins!" said Ralph.
Oscar cried.
"Ralph!" Bart said frowning.
"Dolpha Dolphas!" Oscar sobbed.
Bart sighed as Oscar continued crying about the dolphins or as he often squealed, the "Dolphas".
"My imaginary friend thinks you're stupid!" said Ralph.
"Well I think he's stupid!" Oscar frowned.
Suddenly he heard raised voices from inside.
Hugo had got out of the attic.
"Oh my god! This kid's a mess!" Homer yelled.
"Don't shout at him." Mona told Homer off.
"Yes Mom. Sorry Mom..." Homer said like a naughty child being told off.
Oscar smirked.
"You shut your whore mouth you dilapidated antique hoarding glorified schoolmarm!" Moe suddenly arrived and yelled at Mona. "Who is this dame think she is talking to you like that Homer?"
"Uh Moe, she happens to be my Mom." said Homer.
"Whaaaaaaat?!" said Moe.
...
In the backyard Lisa and Mona are talking on the back steps.
"I saw all your awards, Lisa. They're mighty impressive." said Mona proudly.
"Aw, I just keep 'em out to bug Bart." Lisa blushes.
"Don't be bashful. When I was your age... kids made fun of me because I read at the ninth-grade level." said Mona.
"Me too!" Lisa gasped having a rapport with Grandma.
"Hey, Mom! Look at me! Look at what I can do!" Homer was doing something in the background.
"I see you, Homer. That's very nice." Moms called out to Homer to pretend she was watching whatever dumb thing he was doing.
"Although, I hardly consider A Separate Peace to be ninth-grade level reading." said Mona under her breath.
"Yeah, more like preschool." Lisa chuckled.
"I hate John Knowles." Mona smirked.
"Me too." Lisa giggled.
"Mom, you're not looking!" Homer whined.
"You know, Lisa, I feel like I have an instant rapport with you." said Mona.
Lisa gasped overjoyed. "You didn't dumb it down. You said "rapport."..."
They sighed happily.
Marge rolled her eyes. She didn't get along with Lisa over how to pronounce words.
Suddenly a police car drove past.
"Gotta run! Grandma stuff!" said Mona running inside.
"Huh?" Lisa asked. Confused.
"She has to go knit a sweater..." said Oscar.
"Or take her many, many daily pills..." said Bart.
Lisa was suspicious. Why was Grandma evasive and paranoid every time a cop car drove past?
"Where did your grandma ie my mom go?" Homer asked.
"I dunno. I'm going inside to watch Ducktales." said Oscar.
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
"STOP THAT! Only the cartoon can do that!" Oscar yelled.
Plot 3In Bart's room.
Bart sat Bored as Grandma Mona knitted something.
"Now Bart. I know old grandma may seem old and boring but I assure you I can be fun and silly too." said Mona.
"Uh huh... prove it..." said Bart.
"Okay." Mona took a breath. "Fart."
"That's you being silly... saying the word fart..." Bart sighed.
"Yes. It's rather funny, isn't it..." said Mona to her grandson.
"No... not really..." Bart sighed exasperated as he squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Look, I'll show you all my toys..."
Bart got some toys off his shelf. "This is Krusty the Clown, my hero. This is a Sergeant Activity doll. This is Itchy the mouse and this is Scratchy, a cartoon cat. They don't like each other and Itchy is always killing Scratchy violently. This is a game of Ravenous Ravenous Rhinos..."
"Um... Okay... Toys are a lot different now, than when I was a little girl." said Mona.
"Yeah they are..." Bart sighed.
The attic.
Hugo was reciting lines for a production of Amadeus.
"Loooook! I'm some old dead guy!" Oscar was wearing a Georgian wig.
"Oscar! That is the wig of Joseph II, the holy Roman Emperor! Put that back!" Hugo groaned.
"Wooooooooo!" Oscar wailed like a ghost.
Hugo sighed snatching the wig from him.
Lisa was pacing the landing suspiciously. Because of Grandma being evasive.
Bart was reading a comic ignoring Grandma who was talking about her youth. Nothing she said was of anything Lisa considered matching up with her fleeing indoors when a cop car passed by.
"In my day we didn't have video games."
Upstairs came this... "And I say they should have chocolate covered raisins in Revels!"
"Oz we don't have that kind of candy in the States..." Hugo sighed.
"Bart..." Lisa asked nervously. "Who is a Oscar talking to in the attic?"
"Oh Lisa dear, I think your father has the answers but he's being rather evasive about 'him'." said Mona.
You're being rather evasive too Grandma... Lisa thought internally.
...
One morning Mona makes Tye Dye shirts for everyone. Bart makes hippy slogans and runs around in his new Tye Dye shirt.
"And your tye dye shirt should be dry now Bart." said Mona giving Bart his tye dyed shirt.
"Peace our man! Groovy. Bomb Vietnam! Four more years! Up with people!" Bart yells what he thinks are hippy slogans while running about in his tye dye shirt.
"What a nice sweatband Oscar." Mona remarked as Oscar took off his goggles and their attached sweatband and wore a lime green sweatband with a peace symbol on it stitched in black yarn.
"Thanks Mrs Simpson. It's groovy!" said Oscar.
Lisa gets along with her grandma as they have a rapport and Maggie dances about in her diaper covered in paint.
Oscar summoned Dalmatians.
Mona um snapped.
"Horace! Jasper! Drown those! Those beasts and make me a coat out of them!"
Lisa winced.
Then Robin Williams as Garp was there.
Oscar smirked.
Cletus then throws a boot at him knocking him out.
"Oof!"
"Aww dang it! Sweet home Alabama etc..." Cletus muttered.
Mona threw on a fur coat and became a heartless fashionista again.
Lisa sighed. "Fur as fashion is murder, Grandma..."
"I am no longer your grandma! I am Cruella De vil!" Mona yelled.
Bart winced.
"Oz stop breaking the fourth wall..." He groaned.
"Never! Now I wonder if Mona has a Fatal Attraction towards anyone..." Oscar quipped.
Bart sighed frustrated.
Maggie was still dancing wearing only a diaper and covered in temporary tattoos or body paint.
Mona went off to catch those pesky Dalmatian puppies! Gahahahaha! Live action Cruella!
...
However one morning while in the basement. Lisa is snooping through Grandma's things.
"There. Now no one should be able to hear us." Lisa puts on the dryer. It makes a lot of noise.
"What?" Bart asked.
"All right. We don't need the dryer." Lisa turned it off.
"What?" Bart asked.
"Just shut up and listen!" said Lisa. "There's something fishy about Grandma."
"There's something fishy in the attic..." said Oscar.
"One thing at a time Oz..." Lisa sighed.
She finds something. False IDs...
"Look!" she says to Bart showing him her credit card holder. She's been using fake identities.
"Mrs Mudd Simmons?" Bart reads one of them.
"Martha Stewart?! Oh my god! She'll redecorate the house and cook better than your mom!" said Oscar.
"No Oz!" Bart groaned.
"These are the cards of a con artist!" Lisa explained.
"Well Martha Stewart did spend a few years in federal jail because of her shares in a cloning research institute. Clooooooones!" said Oscar yelling clones in a demented manner.
Bart and Lisa ignored him.
"Don't ignore me!" Oscar yelled.
Suddenly there was an insane log carrying lady!
"One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night." said the log lady.
Bart winced.
...
The whole family soon finds out and they decide to interrogate Mona.
"Alright, the jig is up, Mona! If that's your real name! Why are you using fake identities?! Spit it out or we'll call the cops!" Bart yells.
"You wouldn't dare!" Mona gasps.
"Fine, we'll call Grampa!" Lisa yelled.
"Alright! I'll tell you everything! It all started long ago..." Mona tells a story.
"It all started in the 60s" said Mona.
"Groovy man...!" Oscar remarked.
"Oz zip it..." Bart sighed.
A very young Homer in his blue footsie pyjamas is playing Operation.
"Remove wretched ankle bone." said Homer.
He is being electrocuted by the faulty toy.
"Mom! Mooooooom!" He cries while being zapped.
Mona rescues him and kisses him before putting him to bed with a lullaby.
"Oh my Homie bear!" said Mona putting her son to bed. "T one for bed.
"Sing me my bedtime song." Homer asked.
Mona sung about some sort of food that was ooey gooey on the inside and golden crispy on the outside.
Homer immediately fell asleep.
Afterwards she watches football with Abe. However he's too busy engrossed in the game. Mona mentions that she only liked players with long rebellious hair, Abe only like disciplined military hair cuts.
"Abe, isn't Homer cute?" Mona sighed lovingly as she sat down.
"Probably. I'm trying to watch the Super Bowl. If people don't support this thing, it might not make it." said Abe ignoring her because a sports game was on...
"Joe Willie Namath swaggering off the field... his sideburns an apogee of sculpted "sartorium"- the foppish follicles pioneered by Ambrose Burnside... Appomattox, 1865." said some commentator guy. There was a footballer with long wavy locks of black hair.
"His wild, untamed facial hair... revealed a new world of rebellion, of change- a world where doors were open for women like me." said Mona narrating. "But Abe was stuck in his button-down... Plastic Fantastic Madison Avenue scene."
"Look at them sideburns! He looks like a girl. Now, Johnny Unitas- there's a haircut you could set your watch to." Abe ranted. There was a man with a military hair cut who resembled Forrest Gump playing for the same team as Joe Willie Namath.
"Keep to the story..." Bart moans.
...
Mona explained she went to Springfield college which was then run by Mr Burns. She mentioned she would often protest because of his unethical experiments.
"Their flower power, is no match for my glower power!" Mr Burns scares the protesters away with a glower.
"That's some nice glowering Mr B!" A young Clancy Wiggum, then a college hall monitor said to Mr Burns.
"This is the same horrible Mr Burns that runs the Nuclear Power Plant, right?" Lisa asked.
"We're probably talking about the same loathsome man, yeah. I wouldn't put it past him to poison the environment." Mona explained.
She the explained that one night she and the rest of the protesting students made an antibiotics bomb and set it off in Mr Burns's lab. It killed all the germs and cured Wiggum of his bronchitis.
However in the rush to evacuate the college they knock Mr Burns over and Mona, being too nice for her own good, helped Mr Burns up only for him to put the blame of the attack on his laboratory on her and threaten to call the authorities on her.
Mona realising she was a wanted woman, says a tearful goodbye to her son and husband and leaves, never to return.
After the story everyone is in tears.
"That's so sad!" Lisa says while sniffling.
"That mean ol' Mr Burns!" Bart yells.
Everyone nods.
"Sorry we ever doubted you, Mom." Homer replied. They all hug.
...
"So why didn't you ever write? Or send things?" Homer asked.
"Oh but I did! But, it's gonna be a bit difficult me going out, a wanted woman, you know..."
They take Mona out in a costume to collect Homer's mail from her at the post office.
"Yep! Here's one trolley full of undelivered mail. Next time deliver it yourself..." the mail clerk groaned as he points out an over stacked pile of parcels.
However as they leave Mr Burns recognises them.
...
Mr Burns went back to his office and called FBI goons or something. Looking at the security footage from the post office, Mr Burns was able to identify that Mona was at the post office with Homer.
"Ah, so she's that troglodyte Simpson's mother... Mwuhahahaha! Now I feel even happier to have her incarcerated!" Mr Burns laughed evilly. "Funny... Smithers didn't you say Simpson had died?"
"I think we're all aware it was an elaborate trick to get out of work, sir... He's still alive..." said Smithers annoyed at Homer for bunking off work.
"What can we do Mr Burns?" Two government guys. One looked like Joe Biden, the Other a black haired guy, his eyes were constantly closed.
Oscar noticed this about the latter man and put his laptop away and pulled at his eyelids doing chink eyes. "(He hums to Chinese music)"
"I have a herniated cornea..." said the black haired guy.
"Spoilsport..." said Oscar.
The two agents left and the older one asked the one with closed chink eyes how his son was doing.
"Didn't he go insane in 'Nam?"
"It's a pain that never ends." said herniated cornea guy.
The Dragnet theme played.
Dun dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Oscar smirked. He was gonna annoy with it...
Plot 4Later at the Simpsons.
Oscar came home with his friend Ace. A blond vampire boy in third grade. Yes Ace is a vampire.
"Oz we're having grandma round. Why have you brought Ace round?" Marge asked him.
"So he can bite Mona and turn her into a vampire so I can make a Mona the vampire reference!" Oscar yelled with an unhinged look in his eyes as his eyelid twitched.
"Um... no..." said Ace.
"Oz whatever that is, it doesn't exist yet..." Bart sighed.
One afternoon, Abe makes an unexpected visit and gasps when he sees his ex wife.
Well actually he busted down the door like Bruce Lee or something.
"No door is going to keep me from my meddling! Stand up straight, Bart." said Grampa.
"But I like slouching..." Bart groaned as he adjusted his posture.
"Grampa!" The kids gasped.
A studio audience gasped.
Oscar played the Dragnet jingle.
"Dun dun dun! Dun dun dun dunduuuuuuuun!"
Bart face palmed.
And like I said, Abe gasped when he saw Mona.
"Whatyamacallamgoofin! What are you doing here?!" Abe yells.
"Abe? You look awful!" Mona explained.
"Well, you left me to raise our son alone!" Abe yelled.
"You didn't have to tell him I was dead!" Mona yelled.
"What was I supposed to say? That you were on the run from the law for another of your hippy stunts!?" Abe retorted.
"Hey! I think Grandma's free spirit and love for the environment is very noble!" Lisa yelled.
Suddenly they hear Flight of the Valkyries before it suddenly cuts to Waterloo by Abba.
Oscar rocked out to Waterloo.
Bart face palmed.
Waterloo! Couldn't escape if I wanted tooooooo!
"I'm sorry sir. I must have taped over your war music..." Smithers apologised to Mr Burns. Mr Burns was sat in a tank wearing a helmet.
Smithers is so gay...
SWAT troops break in with the FBI.
"Freeze! FBI!" said the herniated cornea guy.
Oscar holding a boom box radio/Ghetto blaster played the Dragnet jingle.
Dun dun dun duuuuuuun!
"Oz no!" Bart yelled.
"We're here to arrest Mrs Mona Simpson! For wilfully destroying college property!"
"Well, she's not here, so there!" Lisa retorts.
"Search the house." The detective orders. However they can't find her.
Abe tried distracting them to help Mona escape.
"All right, I admit it. I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo, goo. I miss my fly-fly dada." He spoke like a baby.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
"Oz stop screaming so loud!" Bart groaned.
"Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?" the FBI agents asked.
"A little from column "A," a little from column "B."" Abe smirked.
"Sir, she's gone!" said an FBI agent to Mr Burns.
"Blast!" Mr Burns yelled.
...
Homer, Bart, Oscar and Mona are in the middle of a desert road with a mysterious person in robes.
"So who are you? And thank you!" Homer asked.
"It's me! Chief Wiggum!" Wiggum revealed himself.
"Chief Wiggum?! But why?!" Homer gasped.
"Because, thanks to Mrs Simpson's little stunt, my bronchitis was cured! And I could finally join the police force!" Wiggum explained.
A hippy van pulls up.
"Oh! Please don't leave Mom!" Homer cries.
"I have to. But I will never forget you Homer! I love you!" Mona hugs Homer. And leaves. She bumps her head on the top of the van door. "D'oh!" she yells as she shuts herself in and the hippies leave.
Homer sits on the patrol car until nightfall.
"Um, Mr Simpson, it's getting dark. We should go home..." Chief Wiggum remarks. A coyote howls.
Elsewhere, defeated, Mr Burns returned to his tasks he reminded himself that needed doing. He was at the post office.
"Yes I need this letter delivered to Prussia by Auto Gyro." said Mr Burns.
"Uh Mar Burns... that country doesn't exist anymore..." said the post office worker.
"What in blazes?!" Mr Burns was frustrated.
"Sir it's called Germany now..." said Smithers.
EpilogueA deleted scene that didn't make it! XD!
Some time after getting his mail from Mom, Homer went through them in the kitchen with his mom by his side.
"Oooooh! Space food!" said Homer eating the food immediately.
"Oh Homer! You don't have to wolf down that just to make me happy." said Mona.
"But it won't make you unhappy though?" Homer asked.
Then he found more space food.
"Wow! If we only had these! Hey did you know I was once an astronaut?!" Homer asked.
"No I didn't! Do tell me!" Mona was fascinated.
"Well, it's a long story..." said Homer.
"Do you still work for NASA?" Mona asked.
"No, I work for the nuclear power plant for Mr Burns." Homer explained.
"Oh Homer..." Mona sighed disappointed.
"Well, I'll have you know I don't work very hard!" said Homer. "In fact I'm thinking of bringing it down from the inside..." Homer tapped his nose.
