Bart the Fink It's Christmas at the Simpsons and Bart drinks lots of water before bed to wake himself up early so he can go and open all the presents before everyone else. However he ends up wetting the bed from having a nightmare of being sucked down the plug hole and arriving in a world of toilets. Things get worse as he humiliates himself at the school Christmas play of Little Shop of Horrors.
Then Bart comes up with a new persona called Bart Fink.
PlotIt's Christmas Eve Night and Bart is in the kitchen drinking eight glasses of water before bed so it will make him get up during the night while everyone is asleep. He's hoping to catch Santa and rob him of his sleigh and presents.
Bart imagines himself doing just that with a shotgun.
Hugo is sleeping under the table.
(Hugo snoring)
"Bart, I thought you didn't believe in Santa." Lisa asked him. "Remember last Christmas?
During Merry Simpmas/Simpsons roasting on an open fire. The Simpson kids are writing their Christmas letters to Santa while Homer fights with the tangled up Christmas lights and the cat. (Who somehow got tangled up with them.) and Marge is on the phone to Patty and Selma.
"Hugo, would you like to write to Santa?" Lisa asked.
"Who is Santa?" Hugo asked. He had been isolated in the attic his whole life, he had no contact with anyone.
"Mom, there's only one not so jolly fat guy who delivers our Christmas presents, and they ain't Santa." said Bart.
"Bart!" Homer yelled as he knew Bart made a crack about his weight.
Back in the present.
"Um I don't think Hugo was out of the attic that night..." said Lisa.
"No he wasn't, my bad." said Oscar. "Poor kid though. Had I had time to meet him I'd have given him a fish head as a Christmas present.
Lisa winced. "Um... I'd think he'd like something a bit more thoughtful Oz..."
"No of course I believe in Santa! And flying reindeer! And the Easter bunny!" Bart replies making Patrick Star's "May I take your hat sir?" face while talking in a babyish voice.
"Alright you've made your point!" Lisa yelled. They spent the next ten minutes until Mom and Dad got home watching the fireplace channel.
"Well I definitely believe in Santy!" Oscar hummed to Christmas songs like um Santa Baby, he got out a small plate and poured cookie on it and made a glass of milk for Santa.
Bart gawked at him embarrassed by his childish love of Christmas and Santy Claus...
...
Meanwhile Marge and Homer were doing late Christmas shopping.
"Stupid heater! Don't make me come in there!" Homer yelled smacking the dashboard because his car heater wouldn't work.
"Whatcha gonna do fatso?" The heater said in a tough guy voice.
"Why you!" Homer tried to climb in the glove compartment to fight the car heater.
"Homer keep your eye on the road!" Marge yelled. "Why do you always do your Christmas shopping last minute?! The crowds are always so beastly!"
"You know me Marge, I love the hustle and bustle!" said Homer.
Homer smacks the dashboard again and snow sprays out of the glove compartment into Marge's face.
He is driving erratically.
"Ooh! Careful, Homer!" said Marge.
Homer drives the Pink Sedan through an intersection and people angrily honk their horns at the speeding driver, ie Homer.
"There's no time to be careful, we're late !" Homer yelled.
"What if we crash?" Hank asked. He went with them instead of staying at home with his cousins.
"Well then our christmas would be ruined." said Marge.
"Why are you with us anyway?!" said Homer.
"Because I'm old enough to stop believing in Santa... I know you're the ones putting the presents under the tree..." said Hank. He's in high school I think and therefore wouldn't believe in childish things like Santa.
"Okay, okay. Well don't ruin it for your cousins. They're just kids..." said Homer warning him not to ruin the child like belief and magic of Santa Claus for his little cousins.
At the mall Homer parked over several disabled parking bays.
Angry people in wheelchairs shouted at him.
"Oh shut up you cripples!" Homer yelled back.
"Homer!" Marge scolded him.
Disabled people in wheelchairs were jeering and yelling. Hank then started being rude to them.
"What a bunch of wimps." said Hank.
This was the last straw for the wheelchair bound bunch. The disabled people in their chairs lined up in formation and neatly formed a human tower that then morphed with Transformer sound effects into a Cripple-Tron!
"Yipes!" said Hank.
The Cripple-Tron went on a rampage.
...
They get to the mall but there is queues!
"Oh no! Look at all these people! The good toys are probably all gone!" said Marge.
"Homer has an old trick up his sleeve!" said Homer. He took the store announcement microphone. "Attention shoppers! Please go to till nine to pay for your shopping!"
Homer went through people's shopping and took things he decided were good presents with excuses. "Recalled, missing a piece, broken, oooooh! Bart would like that!"
"But!" said a lady.
"Till nine closed! That's your lot!" Homer stole money from the till and ran off with his shopping. "Hehehe!"
They went about other shops for Christmas gifts for the kids.
They passed a store selling S & M gear... Ie whipping rods...
Hank was remembering when Janey was basing her pageant for the Christmas play on Germanic customs of Christmas ie Black Peter and Krampus. She mentioned that Black Peter gave whopping rods to the parents of bad kids.
"Who wouldnt want a whipping rod?" said Hank grinning.
Marge: "NO!" She was shocked and disgusted with him.
And I thought Oscar was weird...
They went around smaller stores for you know... the heartfelt gifts. Ie they got the toys the kids asked for thanks to Homer's dishonest tricks at the mall now they were getting the usual Mommy gifts like Christmas sweaters and portable TVs...
Hank was being rude again.
"And I saw her squirty hole..."
"Hank!" Marge told him off.
Hank decided it was best he kept his mouth shut for the rest of the outing.
Marge looked for embarrassing Christmas sweaters for Bart and Lisa. And the fanon characters.
...
The kids were still watching the fireplace channel when Marge and Homer got home.
"May the flames consume all! Burn! Buuuuuuurn! Buuuuuurn!" Oscar was um a little crazy about fire...
Hugo winced at him.
Bart, Lisa and Maggie had fallen asleep.
Marge, Homer and Hank came in.
"Awwwww! Look, sweetie... sleeping like angels..." said Marge to her husband who was just pleased that they hadn't got home to all hell breaking loose.
"Burn baby burn! Disco infernooooo!" Oscar sang while warming himself in front of the TV which was on the fireplace simulator channel with a recording of a burning fireplace.
Homer and Marge exchanges baffled glances.
Eventually the kids woke.
"Kids, I made Christmas tree cookies!" said Marge with a tray of green Christmas tree cookies. "And for Bart, bloody spear head cookies." Amongst the green Christmas tree cookies were grey triangular cookies with bloody red icing on them.
"Cooooool!" said Bart taking a bloody spear head cookie. He pretended he was stabbing him self with it and making dying sounds.
"Hugo, would you like some Christmas cookies or are you fine with fish heads?" Marge offered.
Hugo grunted and took a bloody spear head cookie. If he didn't like it he could always poke people with it,
Marge and Lisa commented on the plastic Christmas tree that it was better than having to constantly vacuum up fir tree needles.
The kids ate cookies. They hear Santa's bells.
"Bart do you hear that? Could it be?" Lisa asked him.
"Oh my god! Santa!" Oscar yelled while eating a bloody spear head cookie.
They went to the front window to see Santa. But the Christmas light reindeers and Santa fell off the roof. The kids screamed. Then Homer fell tangled up in the lights. The kids laughed.
Homer untangled himself and called everyone out to look at the lights.
Homer turned on the Christmas lights. They were messily draped everywhere and only some worked.
"It's craptacular..." said Bart as Hugo winced at the sight of Dad's Christmas lights flickering and popping.
...
Then they were admiring the presents Santa had delivered. Actually Oscar was the only one who believe in Santa so he was already in bed.
Maggie's present made an eerie animal sound like a cow going "Waaaaaa..." Maggie was creeped out by this.
Bart took to guessing the presents.
"Horus pocus... mucus pukus...I guess... a sweater!" said Bart. "Possibly yellow..."
"Bart!" Lisa whined.
"Bart put the yellow sweater back under the tree!" said Marge telling him off.
"Kids time for bed! Santa won't give you presents if you don't go to bed on time." said Marge. The kids all went straight upstairs. "And no touching your presents till seven o clock!"
The kids groan while Hugo complied by retiring to the attic.
"Seven zero zero! No earlier!" said Marge. "And don't try to set your alarm clocks forward early as I have confiscated them!" Marge has a box of many alarm clocks, more than there was family members. "Speaking of which, Homer do you have the thing's?"
"Sort of." said Homer holding a Thundercats alarm clock that Hugo was clamped onto with his teeth.
"Hmmmmm! Kids I want this to be a Christmas we do all together as a family." said Marge.
Someone was tapping at the window. It was Grampa outside! "Hello? Hellooooo..." cried Grampa.
Homer sneaked to the Venetian blinds and shut them.
Homer was eating Santa's cookies and milk.
"Homer..." Marge groaned.
"What? Oh like the kids' imaginary friend is gonna actually eat them..." Homer replied.
"Well you always have nightmares from eating or drinking dairy products before bed so just save the milk for You Know Who upstairs. In the attic.
"Oh... the thing..." said Homer. We pan up to the dark attic where a pair of red eyes appear in the darkness!
Homer and Marge go to bed. Marge goes up to the attic to noisy eating sounds and slobbers.
"Here's some milk sweetie. Don't worry, you'll be free soon." said Marge to something. We hear a kid gulping down the milk and burping like Bart.
Meanwhile Bart drinks more water and Lisa mentions red Indians/Native Americans. Bart then prays to Santa.
"Dear Santa, please bring me lots of presents and I promise to do nothing bad until I get up tomorrow. Bart hurts his elbow bumping it against the night stand. "Ow! Sonnuva! Why you!" He fights with the nightstand and breaks his lamp and knocks over a Godzilla toy. Bart then composes himself. "PS please tell your best friend God to kill Sideshow Bob. Amen."
...
During the night Bart has a nightmare of him being washed down a big whirlpool. He finds himself on a raft floating out of a sewer pipe along a stream. He sees Helen Keller being taught to speak with a water pump, toilets and a giant tap dripping. He suddenly clutches himself as he really needs the bathroom.
Bart wakes with a start to find his bed wet. He screams.
The next morning his family laugh at him except Marge.
"Homer! Lisa! This isn't funny! Bart's probably very embarrased!" Marge scolds them.
"Yeah really not funny guys." said Oscar.
"Whatever baby pee pee pants." Homer remarked.
"Mom I'm just savoring revenge for all the times Bart humiliated me!" Lisa whines.
"Sweetie go and run yourself a bath before breakfast." Marge sends Bart to have a bath.
Bart cries while in bath because he's so embarrased. He doesn't know Marge is eavesdropping. She gasps at realizing how embarrased he is.
After breakfast and presents Bart cheers up a bit because he got a fire truck, yes a toy fire truck. Marge tells everyone to show Bart some support and not tease him.
Hugo disliked the tree because he had never seen one before. And because it didn't taste good.
Then Oscar melted the plastic Christmas tree into a green puddle that solidified into a big green cookie with tinsel, lights and baubles inside it.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
"What? It was a monster! It was gonna trap us in its baubles!" said Oscar.
"Oz that's a sappy kids cartoon series..." said Bart.
Marge sighed and wrote one of her soppy Christmas letters.
"Dear friends and family of the Simpsons...
Last year I had some bad news followed by some good news. About how our kitty died and went to kitty heaven, but we got a new cat, Snowball II..."
Snowball screeched.
"Hank don't tease the cat!" Homer told Hank off.
"Well I haven't been writing as family spirits are low. Especially after my son Bart, the Dickens, decided to defy me and get himself a tattoo. All attempts to get it removed have been thwarted by our rambunctious little foster son, Oscar. Merry Christmas..." Marge wrote in a gloomy mood.
"The magic of the season has touched us all." She said while writing.
"It touched me in my trouser area..." said Hank.
"Hank!" Marge yelled dropping her pen.
Oscar laughed.
Plot 2The school is putting on a Christmas play. This year it's Little Shop of Horrors.
"Well that makes a change from Christmas around the world where we all had to research a Christmas festival from around the world." said Lisa.
"I thought you liked being a fierce jungle warrior juggling torches?" said Bart.
"Mom didn't approve of my performance and costume after the play... she said it was too revealing..." said Lisa.
"I could see your squirty hole..." said Hank.
Homer grabbed Hank and throttled him for being rude. Um he's really rude in BD's adaptation of the first ever full episode of the Simpsons for some reason.
Homer said high to Norman.
"Hey Norman."
A women screeched because he probably accidentally stepped on her foot like in the last Christmas episode.
"Pardon my galoshes." said Homer. Galoshes are an old term for a type of shoe. Well it's a rubbery over shoe that you wear over your shoes to keep them from getting wet or muddy.
Everyone took their parts. Edna was Audrey and Seymour ironically was Seymour. Oscar volunteered as Audrey II.
"Feed me! Feed me Seymour!" said Oscar in costume.
"Yes save that for the play Tamaki. You've been overhearing my mother way too much." said Skinner to Oscar sending him back stage.
"Seymour!" Agnes yelled. "I saw a brightly colored bird and now my eye hurts!"
Oscar dressed up as the singing plant monster Audrey II smirked.
Bart was in the choir.
Lisa had something that wasn't dress like an island native in a tiki mask and juggle torches.
Basically she was properly dressed for the season.
"I'm a Christmas tree!" said Ralph covered in Christmas lights and tinsel.
"Yes Ralph..." said Lisa.
Smart Ralph was a figure from Japanese customs about Christmas and had googily eyes on springs glasses worn backwards on the back of his head to illustrate he literally had eyes on the back of his head.
...
Once again it was time for the annual Christmas concert at Springfield Elementary. Homer and Marge who was holding Maggie dressed as a starfish walked to the two empty seats in the middle of row seven, shifting through everyone stepping on feet.
"Sorry, excuse me, sorry..." Homer said as he walked through the crowd, stepping on more feet. Finally reaching to there seats.
They had just got back from the bathroom. Because Homer needed to go.
"What are Lisa and the boy doing tonight again Marge?" Homer asked, refering to there acts.
"Lisa is going to be playing Stary Night on the sax with the rest of the 2nd grade band, and Bart is going to resite the 12 days of Christmas." Marge said. Homer groaned.
"He had better not screw it up like he did with Jingle Bells last year!" Homer grumbled under his breath. As soon as he said the the curtin went up for the first act of the night.
Eventually fourth grade were singing. With Bart leading.
He sung very well apparently as like last Christmas before he ruined Jingle bells Marge said "He sings like an angel!" Maggie was also a starfish again...
Bart singing.
"He sings like an angel!" said Marge.
However after one of the songs he had to bow. Unfortunately there was a loud rip and everyone gasped as he had ripped his shorts!
"Ha ha! I thought you wanted us to eat your shorts, not rip them!" Nelson laughed.
Bart blushed as everyone laughed at him and then ran off stage.
"Oh poor Bart..." Marge gasped.
Luckily someone else had an embarrassing situation to deter laughs away from Bart.
Edna was singing suddenly Seymour! with Seymour Skinner.
Suddenly Oscar trudged on stage in costume as Audrey II crying. "I pooped in the plant pot again Mrs Krabappel! (Sobbing) I need someone to help clean me up! (Hiccuping from crying) it's really bad this time!" (XD Family Guy!)
Everyone laughed.
Edna sighed. "Database, Martin, escort Oscar to Lunchlady Doris's Nurse office..."
The nerds escorted Oscar to the nurse's office. Everyone was teasing Oscar for messing himself.
Marge sighed softly feeling bad for him.
...
After Oscar was cleaned up and wearing some spare clothes from lost property Bart went to see him.
"Sorry about what happened Oz. Everyone is still laughing about you. Well I suppose that's good that they've forgotten about me now." said Bart.
"Yeah, I kinda feel bad joining in. It's rather hard to resist when everyone is laughing." said Oscar.
"If it makes you feel better, Martin and Database had to help Willie clean out your costume after your accident. They're not enjoying it..." said Bart.
Oscar laughed.
Bart grinned.
When it was home time everyone laughed at Oscar and Bart and called them names.
"Okay that's enough! How would you all like it if you got laughed at for something embarrassing happening to you?!" Marge scolded everyone. They soon went quiet. "I expect an apology from all of you!"
The kids all apologized to Bart and Oscar.
They then all drive home in Homer's pink sedan.
Bart sings a rude version of jingle bells.
"Dashing through the snow
On a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go,
Laughing all the way. Ha ha ha ha!
Bells on bob tail ring,
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight" They all join in thinking he's being well behaved and singing a nice song.
"Ooooooh! Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! The bat Mobile lost its wheel and the Joker got awaaaa-eckkkk!" Homer strangled Bart before he could finish.
"Homer! Hold the wheel!" Marge yelled as the car spun about.
...
The Simpsons drove home. Once they got home Homer read his answering machine. Bart had forgot he had pranked Homer so it played Hello mother, Hello Father, here I am at Camp Granada.
"Marge! Is Lisa at Camp Granada?" Homer asked.
"No! She's right here!" said Marge pointing out Lisa. "That's just one of our records Bart must have recorded onto the answering machine.
"Do'h!" Homer groaned as Bart laughed.
Homer read the next message, it was from Herb!
"Hi Homer and Marge. This is Herb. If you're listening to this message then I'm bankrupt again." said Herb's message.
"D-oooooooh!" Marge sighed in a cross tone.
"Well, that's our Christmas miracle for this year, help Uncle Herbert out of bankruptcy again... ugh." said Homer sighing.
Everyone sighed.
Unfortunately Oscar suggests stupid things such as buying a planet of tiny cartoon aliens and opening an amusement park on it called Moron Mountain.
"Oscar you are obsessed with Space Jam..." Bart sighed.
"How about get Lisa to live with him, have him be really mean to her and she should have psychic powers..." Oscar referenced the Matilda film.
"Oscar no! That film was awful!" said Bart.
"How about skinless Martians and Pierce Brosnan..."
"Oscar no!" Bart told him off for referencing Danny Devito films.
"Pregnant Arnold Schwarzenegger!" Oscar yelled.
"Oscar no!" Bart yelled.
"Oscar don't be silly please..." Marge sighed.
"Frank Reynolds tearing his way out of a leather couch naked?" Oscar asked.
Bart whacked him with a rolled up magazine for being stupid.
"Long lost conjoined twins separated at birth..." Hugo added. "Now reunited together by being sewn back together!" (Twins, also starring Arnold and Danny Devito. Except I don't think they were conjoined twins Alvin...)
Oscar laughed and Bart frowning at Hugo smacked him on his head with the rolled up magazine too.
"Penguin from Batman!" Oscar said laughing.
Bart groaned.
...
Homer was doing his taxes while wearing his half moon glasses. Marge came with a broom.
"Mmmmm! He's got into the crawl space again..." said Marge tapping the dining room wall with a broom.
Hugo was growling from inside a wall.
"Marge darling, what are you doing?" Homer asked.
"Hugo's got into the crawl space again because I wouldn't let him fly to Switzerland..." said Marge tapping the wall as something inside shuffled about in there.
"As if I need this while Oscar is in one of his silly moods again..." Marge sighed.
"What did he do now..." Homer asked.
"Ask him yourself he's right here..." said Marge as Oscar came in.
"Can I sleep with you guys tonight? There's an evil monkey in my closet!" said Oscar.
"For Pete's sake! That is the stupidest thing ever to make up! Honestly!" said Marge.
Chris Griffin acted offended and gasped and crossed his arms angrily. "Well I never!" he said as he did when he disguised himself as Lois.
Marge winced.
"Stop making Family Guy references!" Homer yelled at Oscar. "And get rid of those racist sunflowers growing in our yard! They're upsetting Carl!"
Outside were racist sunflowers on the front lawn being racist to Carl by telling him not to walk by this house.
"Hey boy, don't you walk by this house!"
"You're ignorant!" said Carl to the sunflowers.
"Never! Now I shall fight a giant chicken! Or say oh no a lot until the Kool Aid guy shows up!"
Marge winced.
"Or a sailor with wooden arms and legs..." said Oscar demented.
...
Bart was at the front door speaking to Milhouse.
"Well... Nelson's threatening to pants you and Sherri and Terri are still calling you fatty fatty fat fat but everyone has stopped mocking Oscar for messing himself. They actually feel bad for him."
Nelson pantsed Bart. Pulled his shorts down basically.
"Fatty fatty fat fat! Fatty fatty fat fat!" Sherri and Terri teased Bart.
Bart sighed.
"Why does Oscar suddenly get sympathy? He's not severely handicapped. He just ate a big lunch and stage fright loosens his bladder and or bowels..." said Bart. "Apparently he wet himself in kindergarten when he was playing the role of an electric plug..."
"Don't mention that!" Oscar yelled.
"Well... Looks like he's not the only one having accidents..." Milhouse smirked.
"Who told you?!" Bart frowned.
"I did... to get you back for decapitating my Malibu Stacies..." said Lisa going upstairs.
Back in the dining room.
"Anyway Homer aren't you supposed to be helping get Herbert out of bankruptcy again?" said Marge.
"No. I can't keep bailing him out! And for once it wasn't my fault this time!" said Homer.
"But what about all the nice gifts he gave us? Like your massage chair?" Marge asked.
"I stopped using it because it keeps giving me Space Odyssey style acid trips..." said Homer.
"Hmmmmmm!" Marge sighed.
"I have yet to have received a machine gun with cyanide tipped rounds!" said Bart.
"Bart for the last time, no! You are not getting a machine gun!" Marge sighed.
"Mutant anthrax?" Bart asked.
"No!" said Marge.
"Land mines..." Bart insisted.
Plot 3Bart was in his room dressed in Indiana Jones style clothes with a whip.
"Bart why are you playing dress up?" Oscar asked.
"Because this is my new persona. Bart Fink. Dresses like Indiana Jones, is an American James Bond and regularly screws up classic novels like Tom Sawyer with moronic additions such as creamed corn mechas." said Bart. "I'm toying with the name Bart Fink."
"Okay..." Oscar grimaced. "How do you make a mecha out of creamed corn?"
"I dunno. That's why it's a moronic change to a story. But it's funny though! Nonsense is funny!" said Bart.
Oscar smirked. "Of course nonsense is funny. He made it rain hotdogs inside.
"Not your nonsense though..." Bart sighed.
"Hey! My nonsense is just as hilarious!" Oscar frowned.
"No it's really not..." Bart sighed.
"Yes it is!" Oscar argued.
"Oz is this gonna be like the rabbits with the Molotov cocktails again?!" Bart groaned.
"No it's actually more like the millionth time Teddy sniffed my diaper and wouldn't stop so I got aroused." said Oscar.
Bart winced.
...
Lisa went to the history of Springfield museum. The curator, who is voiced by Donald Sutherland pointed at her and screamed like the monsters from Invasion of the Bodysnatchers.
Lisa winced exasperated.
She studied the exhibits.
She found evidence of Jebediah being a fraud and actually he was a thug who attacked the president but no one believed her except Homer and when she had proof she chickened out at the last second.
She also found George Washington had some very odd ideas for the flag of America.
"Sir I took your idea of white stars on the flag but I am not including red hearts, yellow moons or green clovers..." said a lady. Um...
Holis Sutherland screamed at her again.
Lisa sighed.
Meanwhile Krusty was polishing his polka dot plane when Auntie Mable wanted to fly it so we can come outsiiiiiide!
Krusty winced.
"Forty cents?! My grandpa Zev would turn over in his grave if it wasn't filled with some veteran." Krusty when about the value of something.
"Your Grampa wasn't buried. He was cremated, after being in a gas chamber..." said Oscar.
Lisa studied some native arrow heads but the curator kept pointing at her and screaming like Donald Sutherland. Lisa sighed and went home.
...
Meanwhile Bart as Bart Fink mucked up stories with ridiculous things like Mechas made of corn pone etc.
"Or a million clowns!' Oscar suggested.
"No Oz..." Bart sighed.
However he had cybernetics installed like a copper stomach, a bronze leg and an iron jaw.
"Or a chrome butt!" Oscar suggested.
"Uh no..." said Bart.
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" said Bender the robot.
Bart winced.
Bart Fink also made outrageous claims of being some sort of hybrid life form or of eating alligators.
But it was difficult for him to act out his wild adventures because Bart's friends laughed at him for splitting his shorts at the back.
"Look at me!" He swung about the jungle gym. His shorts split.
Kids laughed.
"Okay you can stop laughing now..." Bart groaned.
Kids also laughed at Oscar for messing himself at the Christmas play.
Oscar pulled a face at them while wearing just a diaper.
...
Homer eventually decided to help out Herb.
As such his story arc was a quick rich scheme to get Herb rich again.
"Tiny aliens stealing talent from basketball players..." Oscar asked demented.
Bart face palmed.
Elsewhere Bart bankrupted Krusty by accidentally exposing his tax evasion.
"Aaaaaaaaagh! I'm crazy enough to take on Bartman! But the IRS? No sirree!" Krusty cried as he quickly gathered up money to pay his unpaid taxes.
Mona Simpson kidnapped Dalmatian puppies to make into a coat.
"See my vest! Seeeeee my vest!" she sang. "My loafers, former gophers..."
"Grandma is nice..." Lisa frowned.
Um she's live action Cruella...
Then a raccoon took her hat.
"Give me back my hat! Or I'll have you turned into a hat!" Mona the Davy Crockett look is not you...
"I love the smell of near extinction!" Oh my god! She is Female Mr Burns but as a fashionista!"
"Yeah we get it! Dad is Genie and Grandma Mona is Cruella De Vil..." Bart groaned.
And Mr Weasley and Hugh Laurie were Horace and Jasper. Except they played the roles like the Wet Bandits from Home Alone. Now all they needed was a boy with a booby trapped house!
Herbert arrives but Ned insisted on giving him bath.
"I think you were supposed to welcome me warmly last time I was here Mr Flanders, unfortunately you were not here. Just some rude, arrogant bodybuilder." said Herb as the Flanders family welcomed him in.
Once he escaped their over the top kindness, Homer screamed because Hugo was out of the attic.
"Up to the attic with you! Can't let my brother see you!" Homer sent Hugo upstairs.
Hugo frowned and went upstairs.
...
At the Simpsons Herb arrived,
"Well here I am. Needing your help again..." Herb sighed.
"Sir how about naming one of your cars Zeus?" One of his employees asked.
"That's ridiculous! People only want cars with vicious, wild animal names like Mustang... or cheetah..." said Herb annoyed.
"Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?" Oscar asked doing Frank Reynolds impressions.
Bart smacked him with a rolled up newspaper.
"Ow!"
Oscar then summoned an evil ice queen.
"Let the ice caress them!"
Bart winced.
"Eternal winter! And no Christmas!" said the ice queen.
"My blizzard will chill your heart!"
"Uh okay an ice queen making stupid ice puns was a bad idea..." Oscar sighed.
"I have Turkish delight." said the ice queen.
"All ice queen villains have Turkish delight... except Whoopi Goldberg as Stormella." said Oscar.
"Oscar you need to let it go..." said the ice queen.
"That doesn't exist yet..." said Oscar.
"Oz get rid of her..." Bart groaned.
"Her weakness is probably people crying." Oscar teared up.
"Oh don't blubber..." Bart sighed.
"(sobbing) B-b-but I'm trying to get rid of the ice queen... (Sobs and sniffles.)" said Oscar crying.
...
The family were discussing yet another scheme to help Herb out of poverty.
"You'd think the baby translator would have been the answer to Unky Herb's problems..." said Lisa.
"I guess my stubbornness as CEO of my car manufacturing franchise is to blame..." said Herb.
He was working on an invention.
"Well, I reverse the polarity of the capacitors..."
Oscar winced. "Are you Doctor Who?"
"Uh no..." said Herb.
"Then don't talk like him then..." said Oscar.
Bart sighed. "I'm going to my room."
He was in his room role playing as Bart Fink.
"Damn that Injun Joe an his genetically engineered piranhas..." said Bart.
Marge meanwhile, was hoovering with the vacuum cleaner.
The sound alarmed Teddy and Santa's Little Helper. They ran about barking/yipping respectfully.
Teddy yelped.
"Marge! Can you hold off vacuuming for a few minutes?" Oscar yelled.
Marge did so, "Why? I need to clean."
"It's scaring the dog and Teddy, and they're distracting me from my drawing!" said Oscar.
Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear creature growled at the vacuum cleaner.
Marge was cross that Hugo had spilt his food in a manic frenzy again.
"Hugo Zachariah Jeremiah Victor Simpson! Did you make this mess?"
"Uh, the time machine did it..." said Hugo.
Naturally, the family looked at him pretty confused.
...
The family were gathered in the living room because families do that at Christmas. Except me if I got a new video game for Christmas.
"Oz you've been on that Gameboy all day..." Marge nagged.
Bart could see he was playing Zelda: Link's Awakening.
Oscar sighed and turned off his Gameboy.
The News was on.
"This is Kent Brockman with the headlines. Prince bred purple dolphins."
"Haaaaaaaawww! Dolpha Dolphas!" Oscar squealed.
The Simpsons and Herb sighed.
Bart was on the phone to a girlfriend.
"Sharon. Hey, it's Bart Simpson. Wondering if you were free for dinner on Saturday."
"You died? Oh. So you're dead right now? What's that like?" Bart asked. Apparently she was so fed up with him calling her she said she was dead. "Oooooh so they do have burritos in Heaven..."
"Oz that's stupid, end their dialogue..." Lisa sighed.
"No she's literally dead and communicating from the beyond via the house phone like Bill Cosby from Ghost Dad..." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed exasperated.
"Marge dear, make me another turkey sandwich." Homer asked Marge nicely. It's Christmas they have turkey.
"And a tofu sandwich for me, Mom." said Lisa as she's vegetarian now.
Marge sighed and went to the kitchen to make sandwiches from the leftovers.
"Anyway Bart Fink must ruin more stories!" said Bart as Bart Fink.
Moby Dick was now Moby Duck. With a giant rubber duck in it.
"Moby Penis!" Oscar yelled.
"Oscar!" Marge reprimanded him.
"Oz we're making silly changes... not rude ones..." Bart sighed.
Marge then made cinnamon rolls. Americans always make these around Christmas. Then they give their neighbours cinnamon rolls...
Then an eagle swooped and took the cinnamon rolls. And flew away
"Give me those back!" Marge shouted
The eagle squawked.
Plot 4Anyhoo it's a Christmas episode so we continue into the fourth act with Christmas things.
Ghost Homer or a Homer ghost arrived phasing through a wall.
"Woooooo! I am the ghost of Christmas past..." said the Homer ghost.
"How about we just call you a Homer ghost. Or Hoo." said Oscar. "Ie like Boo, a ghost's wail but Hoo."
"Wooooooo! I also am a ghost! I died when Homer sat on me..." said a Bart ghost.
the ghostly Homer strangled the ghostly Bart.
The Simpsons, Herbert and Hank were exasperated.
Then Patches and Poor Violet visit.
"We live in the same orphage. Well I did until you adopted me." said Oscar.
Patches coughed.
"Oh my god! Don't let them in! They might have tuberculosis!" Hank screamed.
Marge frowned at him.
"Please sir, can I have some more..." Oscar was referencing famous orphans.
Patches rolled his eyes.
"The sun will come out tomorrow..." Oscar sang.
Poor Violet sighed.
Then the Simpsons went on Jeopardy.
"Oscar, your answer in the form of a question is. What is... Kebert Xela. Oh no! Aaaaaaagh!" Alex Trebek was sent back to the fifth dimension.
Bart winced.
Then at night Hank got annoyed by Ned's electric light up and speak Santa on his roof.
"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa chortled.
"Ho Ho No!" said Hank firing his slingshot at it from his bedroom window and knocking the decoration down.
In a spare bedroom that suddenly the Simpsons had, slept the orphans Patches and Poor Violet. It was the season of giving and charity etc.
