May never enjoyed the moment of entering the Pokemon Center, as she never knew in advance which trainers would be present in the hall or not. The place was always lively, between the trainers who came to have their Pokemons healed, those who used the PC to store their boxes, those who came to buy new items, and all the others gathered in the corners or on the sofas to chat…
She had hardly taken three steps inside when a swimmer and a little girl threw themselves at her. Then, the young woman begged her to sign an autograph for her child. May complied with a fake smile. It always made her very happy that people came to show her their admiration, but she never knew how to receive them and above all, she didn't feel worthy of their compliments. What they saw in her were their own projections, not the trainer she really was. Because they didn't know the real May and probably didn't want to know her. This hypocrisy often troubled her.
"Oh thank you so much, champion May. You know, you've become kind of a role model for so many little girls!"
"I want to become like you when I grow up," the child said. "And I want to have a Laziken too!"
"Blaziken," her mother corrected her gently before raising her head to May. "Thank you for your time, we won't bother you any longer."
"No… uh… You're not boring me…"
The swimmer and her daughter walked away and Brendan immediately came up to May to tease her:
"So our regional starlet, how many autographs did you sign today?"
"I don't count that kind of thing."
"It must be really cool to be champion," Calem commented and May had to refrain from rolling her eyes. As if he knew anything about what the function of champion really consisted of.
"With Barry and Wally, we're going to heal our Pokemons," Serena informed them. "You know where to find us."
"Wait, I'm coming with you," Calem said.
That's it, leave me alone. Although May also had to heal her Blaziken, she preferred to wait for the queue to decrease a little. Dawn must have had the same thought because she remained motionless while their four friends moved away in the direction of the counters, where the nurse Joy and her Clefairy were busy collecting the Poke Balls of the Pokemons who needed to be cured. Brendan looked at his PokeNav, bored.
"Ah… my dad just wrote to me, he's supposed to be somewhere here… I told him we'd have dinner together."
He craned his neck and eventually spotted him.
"He's over there…"
Not knowing what else to do, Dawn and May followed him.
"Brendan, my son," Norman nodded as he saw him, "how was your day? Ready for the PML?"
"Of course, dad."
Unlike Brendan who was always relaxed and smiling, Norman always looked on edge, the contrast surprised May every time she saw them together.
"Oh, hi May, nice to see you again," he greeted her suddenly, not looking as happy as he claimed to be. "And this is…?"
"Dawn," the young woman said with a polite smile.
"I see you've made some new friends, son. That's great. I'll be watching all of your battles so hopefully it'll be worth it. My team and I are all ready for the tournament."
"Glad to hear it, dad," Brendan mumbled, not looking too enthusiastic about his dad coming to see them battle.
"I made a long phone call to your mother earlier. She told me that she haven't heard from you so much lately. You should at least write her a message by tomorrow . Show her you're thinking about her a bit."
"Yes, Dad. No need to tell me, I was going to do that by myself."
As the conversation turned to family matters, May only half listened. Anyway, she had no intention of eating with Brendan and his father. Instead, she hoped to find Lisia at the center for a girls' meal. The young champion looked around the hall. The sliding doors in the center had just opened to let in a small group of trainers. And among them, May spotted the star of Pokemon contests. However, she was not alone. Steven walked beside her.
They were just the two of them, as if they had spent the afternoon together. For what exactly? May didn't even know that Lisia was close to Steven. Well she did, but she didn't think they were close enough to spend the whole afternoon alone, just the two of them. Maybe they had met just now, in front of the entrance? May didn't know. It didn't matter in the slightest. Besides, she didn't care about what Steven did with his days...
She looked away. Finally, she didn't really want to join the coordinator anymore. As always after seeing Steven, she felt that weird tightness in her chest, like an automatic reminder of the pain he had caused her in the past.
"Of course I do, I'm thinking of mum! But since I spend the day training, I can only call her in the evening or in the morning, that's all."
"Oh, as if you didn't have time, between two training sections..."
Next door, the discussion between father and son was slowly turning into an argument. Dawn exchanged a look at May and she understood that the trainer was as unwilling as she was to witness a family argument tonight.
"Um…Brendan…Dawn and I are going to see if we need any new items, okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, of course," this one answered absent-mindedly, throwing a quick glance at them. "See you later, or tomorrow…"
They greeted him and pretended to go to the shop.
"Whew, thanks May… Brendan's dad doesn't look very funny..."
"Yeah, I agree with you."
"Do you really need new items? 'Cause I'm getting a bit hungry."
"Likewise. We can go out and see if we can find something to eat. Unless we're waiting for Serena and the others."
"Given the queue in front of nurse Joy's counter, I think they have a long time to go...Hey, wait!"
"What?"
May followed Dawn's gaze and froze in place. Crap…
"Is that Lisia over there?! You said you'd be willing to introduce her to me, May… Do you think, like, now, it would be possible?"
She did her best to hide her grimace.
"Wow! She's with Steven Stone, isn't she?! Lisia and Steven Stone in the flesh! It's so great to be able to rub shoulders with such well-known trainers like that. Please May… We can casually say hello to them, is that okay?"
Dawn was so excited she was bouncing in place, and May could almost see stars shining in her eyes. Did she really have the choice?
"Yes, it's okay," she decided reluctantly.
Maybe with a bit of luck, she could quickly introduce Dawn to Lisia and leave them both alone without having to speak to Steven?... Letting out a deep sigh, May made a sign for the young woman to follow her.
Lisia spotted her quickly and gave her a quick wave. Steven, who was showing his back to them, turned his head towards them and May did her best not to meet his gaze.
"Lisia… Hi…"
"Hi May! How was your day? I have to say I'm exhausted. Steven was kind enough to help me practice today. Now I see what training must look like for a champion."
Ah, so that was it? Steven offered private training lessons now… So it seemed that for some women, he actually had the time to lend a hand. May felt compelled to give him a quick glance; he was looking at her too, with his impassive air and his smile of pure politeness. She turned her attention to the coordinator.
"I uh… This is Dawn, she's from Sinnoh and… she's interested in contest…"
Pathetic, she thought. She was way too uncomfortable to look natural. How long would the others pretend not to see how much Steven Stone's presence confused her?
"I've been following you since your debut!" Dawn said, taking over. "I'm your biggest fan! I love the performances you do with Ali!"
"Oh really? Thank you so much!" Lisia exclaimed. "It makes me so happy when people tell me that! Do you also take part in Pokemon contests?"
"I started about a year ago. I've won a few ribbons already…"
Although a little intimidated, Dawn was doing way much better than her.
"Oooh that's great, bravooo! And tell me, what category are you competing in, Dawn?"
"Well…so far I've been doing Coolness, Cleverness and Beauty contests... and I always wanted to ask you, how did you come to choose your favorite category? Is it thanks to Ali?
There, the conversation was launched between these two competition enthusiasts. They didn't need her anymore. May gave Steven an awkward look, hesitant to say goodbye. Then she decided she might as well slip away without saying anything, pretending to have something important to do.
Turning around more gracefully than she hoped, she slowly made her way up the hall's stairs. She thought she had gotten out of trouble when she heard Steven call her back.
"May wait!"
She turned around immediately, almost in spite of herself. Unlike him, she wasn't good at polite smiles, she knew her mouth must have twisted slightly in nervousness as he came towards her, ruining her escape attempt.
"We barely had time to exchange three words since you arrived... Did you recover well from yesterday's tournament?"
As if he cared.
"Ah, that…? Yeah… You?"
"Likewise. You know, I'm so glad to see you were able to come to Pasio. Seeing again most of the league members of Hoenn brings back a lot of memories."
"Oh… that's great then…"
For me too, your presence brings back many memories… she thought. But rather bad ones. Seriously, could he stop with that meaningless politeness?
"Lisia told me you would team up for the PML together."
"Yes, with Brendan and Wally."
"Brendan and Wally?" He repeated slowly, appreciatively. "I recognize you well in this choice. You have always made the most of your bonds with others."
What? What was that supposed to mean exactly…?
"Wallace offered me to form a trio with Drake. It's a bit strange to battle with them but I believe that our alliance has potential. Anyway, I hope to have better luck than last time when we will face each other at the PML…"
As if he could be sure that they would face each other again… Him and his false certainties. It reminded her well of his Trusting we'll meet again which hadn't stopped him from leaving overnight. And since when was he so talkative? Was it because she wasn't speaking that he felt compelled to fill in the conversation?
"Well… I have to leave you now… I have to go and renew my equipment for Metagross. I'll see you next time?"
"Yeah, next time," May answered with relief.
At least, he was still as busy as before. May barely had time to get used to his presence that he was already far away.
She watched him enter the item shop, then allowed herself to take a deep breath. She was full of resentment but at the same time, there was something else. A slight, mysterious satisfaction. She hated it, but the fact that Steven was talking to her despite her best efforts to ignore him made her happy somehow. Whenever his attention landed on her, it eased her hurt ego a little. Even if it would never be enough for her to forgive him.
"Hey May, you're still here."
Apparently Lisia and Dawn had finished their conversation.
"Yes, what's up?"
"Dawn and I were planning to continue our discussion over a nice dinner. Do you want to come with us?"
"Of course!"
And for once, she was sincere.
"And going up on stage, I swear, I really felt like throwing up. And the spotlight was almost blinding me, I didn't know what I was doing there anymore. But then I looked at Ali and… something happened. I don't know how to explain it, but you see, magically I felt… soothed. And with the music, I let myself be carried away. I just wanted to be in communion with my Pokemon, to do the best performance possible for the public… Anyway… I will never tell you how I felt when the jury announced that I was the winner. I just looked at my uncle, who was there, in the front row, and… I started to cry… of joy of course! With Ali we both cried and… honestly I don't remember the rest… But it was my first victory in the Master Contest, and I will never forget that memory."
"Wow...Lisia, I feel like I'm there when you're talking! I feel like I'm feeling all the stress right now. It's so strong, being on stage!"
"It's a feeling that you don't find anywhere else, actually."
No matter how hard May tried to keep listening, her brain was starting to overload. Her head was spinning and the lights in the restaurant seemed to be more and more aggressive. The three young women had finished eating, they had paid the bill and were struggling to finish their coffees. But even the coffee wasn't enough to keep her awake.
Dawn and Lisia hadn't stopped talking about contests throughout the meal. At first, May had listened to them happily, sensing the passion that animated their words. But little by little, she had started to feel a kind of distance from the two women, and like a hint of sadness at the bottom of her heart. She felt a little out of place. It was as if she was behind glass and not really there. In the end, she would have done better not to accompany them, because whether she was present or not would have changed nothing.
When they finally set off, May's discomfort eased a little. Dawn and Lisia continued to chat happily all the way to the Pokemon center, then into the elevator, until the Sinnoh's trainer left to the third floor. Then a dead calm settled in the machine. And May thought with annoyance that Lisia would have done better to choose Dawn as a roommate, because obviously she had much more to share with her.
Actually, Lisia was the exact opposite of May. Elegant, always in top shape, optimistic, at ease, generous with others and always ready to make others smile… May looked so dull next to her. Cold and quiet, clumsy and embarrassed. If she wanted to have a conversation with a stranger, she had to put all her willpower into it. Only with Brendan and Wally did she truly feel like herself.
"May… You don't look well… Is it that stomach aches again?"
Of course Lisia was going to end up realizing her closed attitude.
"Yes, and tiredness I guess..."
At least this wasn't a lie.
"I wonder if there isn't something causing them?"
"What?"
"Your stomach aches. Is it because you're worried about something? The start of the PML, for example?"
"There is probably that, yes."
But May could see that Lisia was unconvinced as they stepped out of the elevator and into their shared bedroom. She wanted to be honest with her, the champion felt that she could trust Lisia. But could the coordinator understand how she felt? She who never seemed to have any difficulty asserting herself or being herself.
"And also…I don't really feel like I belong. I mean… I know everyone sees me as the Hoenn champion here but… I can't seem to behave like one… I feel like I'm an impostor."
It wasn't her only problem. There was also Steven, and she had the impression that even without being a champion, she would still feel this discomfort with others… But May was too tired to push the introspection too far.
"Hey don't worry May, me too, you know, I didn't feel like I belong in Pasio either," Lisia confided to her, sitting up on her bed. "But thanks to you, thanks to my uncle and to Steven, I understood that I was just overthinking. Yes, of course there is the tournament, and we both have our titles that stick to our skin but… everyone here doesn't have their eyes on us as much as you might think. The trainers are here to have fun and so are we, right? You don't risk losing your title or anything... This isn't an official competition organized by the Hoenn league or something so no one is going to put pressure on you except yourself, May. Just do your best and enjoy yourself! That's my philosophy anyway."
"It's also mine, usually..."
"And then," Lisia went one, "if we lose at the PML after our first battle, I agree to take responsibility for the whole team."
May laughed genuinely. Lisia was really good at bringing back a happy mood.
"No, we would be cowards if we to let you do that."
After showering and changing, May felt a little lighter. Lisia, already ready for bed, was sitting cross-legged on her bed, Ali curled up against her hip. She was reading the back of a DVD.
"How about watching something tonight?"
"Oh you took some movies with you?"
"No, it's Dawn who lent it to me. She's so adorable, isn't she?… It's her favourite movie, it's about the creation of the very first Pokemon contests. And as a coordinator I haven't seen it yet, I think it's missing in my culture."
"Okay, if we can get the hotel DVD player to work… I'm in."
Lisia burst out laughing, jumping out of bed to turn on the television.
"Of course we can!"
Grabbing the remote control, she launched the film effortlessly. At first, May followed the story with interest. It was kind of a fictionalized biopic about the creator of the first Pokemon contests. But after a while, her mind started to wander and she found herself thinking about everything except the movie she was supposed to watch; their training with Dawn and Barry, how Calem had expressed his admiration for the Pokemon champions without considering her as one of them… She also replayed her conversation with Steven.
She still couldn't decide if he was playing a role with her or if everything he had told her was genuine… Was she wrong to behave so coldly with him? Should she have let go of the past and moved on? Sometimes she blamed herself for being so resentful, but she couldn't forget the pain he had caused her more than a year ago now... Every time she saw him, it came back as if time no longer existed. She couldn't act like nothing had happened.
