Chapter 7: Empty
Cersei was laying in bed. She did not move from the bed for a moon . She did not eat. She did not drink until she was forced to. She did not bathe. She looked at the wall and was not blinking. Barely breathing. She wished for the Stranger to take her. She longed to be with her son. Her beautiful dark haired boy. Her Jeoffrey. She wanted to for darkness to take her.
"Cersei please you must eat something. You look so frail." She heard the high voice of Lysa and she closed her eyes
"You should be laying in bed Lysa. We do not need another child dying." Cersei said in a hoarse voice barely a whisper. It was the first thing she said since she screamed herself hoarse after they took her baby away.
Cersei heard Lysa sighed and then felt her bed dip and she felt her in the bed next to her.
" I am in bed now but I will not leave you alone. I was always alone when I lost my babes. I had no help. I was just meant to move on and get back into bed with my husband to produce another heir for him. Like I just did not lose a part of myself when I lost my child. I know it's not easy Cersei and there is nothing I can do to help you with the pain. " Lysa whispered to her and Cersie closed her eyes as she was overcome with pain so deep it took her breath away
She turned on her back and looked at the ceiling and felt tears falling down the cheeks and hitting her pillow.
" How did you feel when you lost your babes." Cersie asked not turning her face away from the ceiling.
"I felt like a failure. As a wife I have one job and that is to produce heirs for my husband and I failed. I felt like I was a lesser of woman. But more than a failure I felt empty. I was a still waiting to feel my babe move. I still waited to hold my babe in my arms. But it never came. No matter how much I prayed with the God's I never even seen my child's face. I am scared that I never will." Lysa said quietly and Cersie nodded.
" Empty. That sounds right. My body still thinks there is a child that will suckle at my breast so it keeps producing milk but there is and not going to be a babe. " Cersei said and she felt Lysa take her hand in hers and squeeze it. Cersei squeezed her hand hard in return and took a deep breath. She felt like this was the first breath she took.
"Cersie even I do not know the extend of your pain as I never met my child but I understand you. I know what you feel and the pain will always be there to an extend. But there is hope. As soon as you find out your with child again you feel like you are coming back to life. " Lysa said and Cersei looked at her. Her face was fuller. Her hair shiner. Her eyes had a light to her that she has never saw before. Cersei moved her eyes to her belly that was larger than she remembered. She felt a pang of pain that hurt her deeply but she also felt hope. She touched her belly and looked at Lysa.
"You will hold your babe this time Lysa. The Stranger already took a pure soul away from this world. He will not take this one. I will not let him." Cersie said and Lysa touched her hand and squeezed it with fresh tears coming down her face.
The two woman lay there in bed together. Quiet. There was no need for any words. They were taking and sharing strength from each other. Both of then willingly giving it in abundance.
There was a knock on the door and the Maester came in the bed Chamber and looked at the two women in bed.
"Your Grace, My lady my greatest apologies for my interruption. I do need to examine you my Queen to see if you are ready to bear children again. If you can give us some privacy My Lady." he said and he looked at Lysa who gave him a look that could rival Cersei's. Lysa was not going to leave Cersei do deal with it alone like she had to.
"You may continue your examination Maester, I will be with the Queen as you do." She said and the Maester.
"My Lady this is a private.." Maester was about interject.
"I suggest you think what comes out of your mouth again Maester if you want to keep your job. Now do what you came to do" Maester just nodded. He was in a chamber with two women whose husband was the most powerful men in the realm and he was not about to get in their wrong sides and he began his test.
They were uncomfortable and Lysa took Cersei's hand and squeezed it again and gave her a look of encouragement,
" I am happy to say that you may try for another babe again. Gods be good you will be presenting a babe to the court next year" he said and Cersie gave a hard look and nodded her head. The old man left the room and Cersei let out a shaky breath that she did not know she was holding.
"That's good news Cersei. You can have more babies. I know it is hard to think about it but you are a woman. We have no choice. The crown needs an heir." Lysa said holding her hand with a sad smile on her face. She knew well enough how hard it was to start again, the paralysing fear that she will lose a child again. She was feeling it everyday during this pregnancy.
"I know Lysa, I need a bath, can you get the maid to prepare a bath for me." Cersei said and Lysa got off the bed and starting ordering the maid to prepare a bath for her.
Cersei was sat up from the bed and felt her stiff body aching. She was in that bed for such a long time. She needed to prepare herself for the King.
She did not how to approach the matter of starting again, the last time she saw her husband he was in a state. He was in pain just like she was.
Lysa looked at Cersei and she looked at her empty eyes and sighed, she knew where her mind was.
She took her by the hand and moved Cersei to the bath helping her in. she told the maids to clean the chamber as she cleaned her Queen.
"Thank you Lysa" Cersei said, she did not have the strength to clean herself and she did not want her maid to see her in that state.
"You have nothing to thank me for Cersei. We women need to stick together, especially in this times."
Lysa helped her clean and get dressed and did her hair, before ordering the maids to prepare dinner for her and the King.
With one last encouraging squeeze to the shoulder Lysa left her bed chamber and Cersei was left alone once more. She looked around her bedchamber, it was the bedchamber where she lost her babe and wanted to cry but she did not. She was a Lion of Casterly Rock, She was the Queen, she had duty to perform. She will soldier through her pain. She will not let this defeat her. She will do her duty and she will suffer in silence.
Robert was looking at Jon who was talking to him in his bed chamber. He could not hear him. His mind was else where. It had been over a moon. A moon since he had lost a son. A moon since he has seen his wife. A moon since he seen her eyes. Smelt her addicting smell. Touched her golden hair and he was surprised how much he had missed it. He was used to it and now it's painful not to see her.
He heard that she was in a rough shape. That she was not speaking and barely eating and have not moved from the bed. He wanted to help her. Gods help him he was surprised that he did but he did not know how. He was hurt and confused and he needed to get the hell out of there so the first three weeks he has been on a hunt. He was ruthless and brutal in his hunting. He needed to get his anger and hurt out before he could face her.
He has been in the castle for a week now and still it he did not see her. Not because he did not want to. He really did and he was surprised how much he missed her but because he did not know what to say.
He did not know how to comfort his wife. Beside sex he barely knew her. He did not know what she was like. Did not know her favourite colour. Did not even know the name of her Little brother. He did not know how to speak to his wife other than the filth that they been saying to each other when they were fucking.
He wanted to be comfort his wife but he does not know what to say to her.
"Catlyn is with child again. Gods be good Cat gives birth to a healthy child." Jon said putting down the parchments he has received from Winterfell and Robert looked at him and felt a pang in his chest at the mention of the new babe. Jon signed and shook his head. He walked over to Robert and put a hand on his shoulder.
" Son I know you are hurting. I have lost children and I know your pain. I know all your pain son. Your wife is still alive and healthy. You need to be with her. Help her and she will help you. You two are the only ones that know your pain. " Jon said and Robert looked at him. Even with Robert sitting down and Jon standing up they were almost eye to eye.
" I do not know what to say to her. I do not know how to comfort her. I do not know her. " Robert said and Jon smiled.
" Talk to her son. Ask her about her day. Ask her about her past. Ask her what she likes. Tell her you are here if she needs you." Jon said and Robert nodded and the door to his bedchamber have opened and Lysa came in.
" Your Grace, my Lord" Lysa curtseyed and looked at Robert " the Maester said that Cersei is ready to bear children again. She wants to see you " Robert looked at Lysa nodded and left the room.
Jon looked at Lysa and her growing belly and smiled lovingly at it and came over and touched her belly startling her.
" I am sorry wife. I did not mean to startle you. How is the Queen doing?" Jon asked and Lysa looked at her belly and smiled sadly.
"As expected. She has lost a child and she is hurting. Gods be good hey make her pregnant soon. She needs to focus on that." Lysa said and Jon nodded and they shared a sad smile.
Lysa was about to ask her husband about his day when she felt a pain in her stomach. She let out a breath and held onto her belly and looked at her husband fear. Tears streaming down her face already. Her heart beating so fast it almost ripped out of her chest.
"it's happening again." she said looking at her husband with a devastated look on her face.
" Get the Maester! "shouted Jon his heart leaping out of his chest devasted. It is happening again. He looked at Lysa who looked so young so afraid that his heart broke for her. It broke for him. It seems that the God's will never allow him to take his child in his arms. To feel their little heartbeat. To hear their beautiful cry. To see them grow up. Jon took Lysa in his arms and put her to bed.
"I am so sorry Jon. I am so sorry." Lysa sobbed into her husband chest and Jon did not know what to say other than to hold her. The Maester ran into the room with a panicked face and stated to feel the belly.
As soon as his hand touched his wife's belly his face transformed into a relieved smile and looked at Jon. He then took Lysa shaking hand and put her on her belly to which Lysa whimpered at.
"My Lady, everything is fine. Your child is healthy. The pain is just your baby kicking. Please fell your child moving." Lysa looked at the Maester shocked. Her heart now going into overdrive. She touched her belly gently and felt it move. Lysa stopped breathing and looked at the Maester.
"My babe is well?" She said barely above a whisper
"Your babe is well my Lady." The old man said and Lysa laughed. Lysa really laughed She laughed from joy. She laughed from relieve and she laughed with hope.
She took her husbands hand and put it where the babe was kicking and he had gasped he felt his child move. His child was kicking. He child was strong. He looked at Lysa and laughed with tears streaming down his face. She was holding her belly staring at it with awe. She never was this far along to feel her babe move and she was overjoyed.
Jon looked at Lysa probably for the first time and smiled. His wife was not her sister who was a striking beauty. His wife's beauty was subtle. Her face was delicate. Like a little flower. Her eyes were so beautiful just like the most clearest sky.
He felt the babe kick again and laughed. For the first time in a long time he felt joy. He felt happy
"Thank you Lysa." Jon said and Lysa smiled at him. It was not a secret that she did not love and desire her husband but today she felt so happy that she wanted to feel something good. She wanted to feel like she was more than just a brood mare. She wanted to be selfish and wanted to take so she kisses her husband.
Jon was startled at fist but he kisses her back taking her face in his hands
Jon took Lysa and laid her on the bed her hair cascading like a fire around her. Her eyes turned dark with lust. Her chest moving quickly and her mouth ajar, Jon has not felt desire like this in a long time. It was like he moved back in time and he was a young man again. He wanted to thank his wife and he wanted her to feel good.
He ripped his wife's dress at the bust revealing her swollen breast. They were so full and juicy that Jon had to suckle on one of the nipples making Lysa shudder and suck in a breath. She put her hand in her husbands hair and arched her back to him and let out a rolled moan as he rolled her other nipple between his fingers
She needed this, the release, that amazing release. Jon growled as his wife was making all this beautiful sounds driving him crazy, he all but ripped her dress off revealing her fully to him, her growing belly. His child was moving in there. His child is well.
He kissed the belly gently before moving to his wife's cunts which was dripping for him and his eyes widened and he smiled. His wife was never this wet for him. She never wanted him. It was all methodological for then but this time it was different. They wanted each something from each other. He dare to say that she wanted him.
He licked her tasting the juices and moaned at the taste and she all but screamed. He tasted his wife like a starved man and he was. It was so long since he felt such desire. Such need for another person., he sucked on the little ball of nerves while putting two fingers inside making her squirm ad cry out.
Lysa was so overwhelmed. Never had she felt such pleasure he husband never pleasured her like this. It was all very formal and she liked this side of him. They were married for almost 3 moons and it was the first time she was feeling general desire for him. Her husband did something with his fingers and all she saw was white blinding light as she felt herself explode with pleasure.
She did not have time to recover as her husband put her legs on his shoulders and he entered her in once swift motion both groaning at the feeling. Jon looked at Lysa who had nothing but pleasure on her face and smiled as he started to move inside of her touching that sensitive nub. She covered her face wither hands and was trashing her head and soon they both came again.
Jon fell on the bed next to his wife who still laid there trying to regain her breathing. He was trying to do the same but she looked so beautiful.
Lysa covered her face and laughed before looking at Jon.
"I do not know where that came from but thank you for that, I needed it." Lysa said and Jon laughed and touched her belly caressing it.
"I have said it before but I will say it again. Thank you" Jon said and Lysa just nodded and smiled covering his hand with hers before they fell into silence.
Robert was nervously standing in front of his wife's bedchambers, the last time he was here he lost his son. He remembered the blood, the screams the dead body. He was never scared of that before. He has killed before, he was covered in blood. But it is different when it was his child.
Robert knocked on the door and Cersei opened it straight away like she was waiting by the door. For the first time in a moon he saw his wife. She was skinnier than he remembered, her skin was not as glowy and she has dark circles under her eyes but underneath that she was still a beauty.
"I had the maids brig food for us," she said and stepped away from the door letting him through. He looked around the room and that bed and he looked away. He could not look there yet. He walked over to the little table and sat down and she sat opposite him.
"The food looks good," He said and she nodded looking at it but not touching the food.
"The Maester said we can start again for a babe." Cersei looking at her hands. Robert looked at her and sighed, he looked around the room and all the memories and shook his head. He needs to get out of here. So does his wife. She looked frail and small and she needed to leave this forsaken room. Robert did felt like he was suffocating from this room, he felt like he needed to leave this room. He could not stay there. There was only one thig that he knew how to do.
"Pack a bag, I am taking you hunting. We leave at first light." Robert said stating from the table and walked out of the room.
Cersei looked at the closed door and she did not know what to feel. She felt a little hurt that her husband rejected her. Relieved that she did not have to perform her marital duties. She felt a little pang of excitement that she will be going hunting.
Cersei looked at the food and she shook her head an got back into bed and laid there waiting for the first light to show its face.
Well it was long time since I have updated after a years long writer's block. It was not my best work but hopefully it will get better as I write more chapters. Hope you enjoyed it.
