AN: Hey angels, just a quick trigger warning. Bonnie's mental health goes completely south in this chapter. There's no development in this one so feel free to skip it if you want. I tried to be as gentle and as true to Bonnie's feelings as possible but I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.


Aftermath


The hard concrete under her was cold; so cold, and she wanted to disappear.

She wasn't counting on unleashing all those feelings back there, and now that they were out, it seemed as though they wanted to take her whole. As if they were to swallow her up, leaving nothing behind.

Such a bitter picture; Bonnie crunched up in the road's step, her head in her hands. She looked so small, so fragile, as if the lightest breeze could take her away in a mystery. It wouldn't be such a bad idea she thought, being whisked away into the unknown and just be gone. To hell with plans and plots, to hell with everything, she would cease to be. Just the now abandoned cold glass she had been drinking on, left as remnant of her fading presence.

She sighed into her hands and her tears seemed to burn down a scorching path on her cheeks. So hot and yet, she wished it was hotter. She wished they could turn into streams and seas and oceans and just go under.

She didn't want this; she didn't want to deal with all of those demons. She was drained, there wasn't any point in fighting them. But still, her mind couldn't steer away from those words.

I had my friends, my boyfriend, my parents, my Grams and everyone was taken away from me Damon! Every single one of them!

Her heart clenched as she thought about the fatidic death of her grandmother. Though she had realized there was nothing she could do about the past, she couldn't help but to feel guilty about it all the same. If only she hadn't pushed Sheila to help her save Elena, if only she had been strong enough, willing enough, if only she had said no. If only...

Grams would be alive now, instead of being just a ghost in another plane, and even then, Bonnie had somehow managed to unwillingly punish her and push her further into a destiny of pain.

She had cried so hard, isolated herself from everything and everyone after she pushed The Spirits in order to save Elena from her supernatural status. She held Sheila's hands as she cried out in pain, right in front of her and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Nothing at all.

Twice now she had been present in her Grams' untimely death. Both times, that final moment had been caused by her and her readiness to serve her duty and help her friends. In some way, it felt like she had blood in her hands, and worst of all, it belonged to someone she loved dearly.

The hole in heart was a living, breathing monster and she let it grow and take shape. In it, Sheila's love-filled words were alive, the tender and precious moments they had shared throughout her life, and most of all, their strong bond. It all fit in there and Bonnie liked it. She liked having that sensation those memories gave her, she wanted to live in there because there was no point in coming out and face this cold and empty world. Not without Sheila.

And so, Bonnie barricaded herself in her house, a place that was feeling more like a graveyard than a proper family home. And what family was there to fill said house? Not her grandmother, that was for sure. Not Rudy and never Abby. It was just her.

Her fingers pressed hard against her temple. How much pain can one endure? Because not long after her grandmother died, Bonnie finally met Abby. She had been dreaming about her and Klaus' coffins, and it was driving her crazy. The first couple of dreams she had left her shaky, not because she was scared but because they were a constant reminder of Abby, and after a lifetime of feeling abandoned, she didn't know if she had the strength to face the possibility of ever meeting her mom. However, and much to her displeasure, it seemed as if her and Elena's lives were intertwined and she found herself having to confront her deepest fear and go after Abby.

That was a heavy day; when she decided to track down Abby. It was also wildly ironic that what prompted her to do so was this will to save her friends (and unfortunately Klaus at some point) while, she was sure she'd be drowning in dread when they finally stood face to face. Her nerves were off the charts and Bonnie found herself imagining what Abby would look like now and if they would share any sort of resemblance.

How immature... her entire childhood and most of her teenage years, Bonnie would stare at the one picture she had with her mother and would try to find any common traces. Abby had brown eyes unlike her, but she had dark wavy hair, and as stupid as it was, Bonnie felt a modicum of happiness go through her. Maybe they weren't so different after all.

Naturally, as the time went by, those physical traits lost their value and Bonnie could not stop thinking about how wrong Abby was for leaving her for all of those years. Needless to say, that when they finally found her, the disappointment that washed over the young girl upon learning that Abby had adopted a son was worse than anything she had ever experienced.

That meant that, unlike Bonnie had thought, Abby wanted to be a mother, just not hers.

No one knew of course, but after she got back home from their trip, Bonnie almost set her house on fire. Not because she wanted to but because she as in such a vulnerable place and her magic was reacting to that. She had one of the biggest and defining moments of her life and then she was left alone to deal with the aftermath of said encounter.

No one was home, as usual, and Bonnie reached a breaking point but she wasn't allowed to fully understand just how deep her pain went because the gang needed her again. Elena needed her again and she couldn't say no. No matter how much she wanted to, because she had to save her friends, she had to.

If not, then who would she have in the end? Her father was satisfied being on the road and never really seeing her face, her Grams wasn't here, and her mother had rejected her for the second time. She had to hold on to the only semblance of love and friendship, that friendship that costed her so much but she wasn't able to let go.

She would never let go.

So, Bonnie dried her tears and buried her heartbreak so deep that it was almost like it wasn't there. It never fully did the trick but it managed to keep her afloat in those trying times. When she contacted Abby again, she went into it without any expectations, only to get the job done and hope for the best. She just wasn't counting on how that would forever change everything. How she would have a hand in killing her own mother.

She knew she had nothing to do with it, she did, but it was her that the Mikaelsons wanted. It was her that reached out to Abby so that they could stop Klaus and help her friends. It was her all over again.

Bonnie sobbed hard now. She hadn't allowed herself to think about that night, in fact, she hadn't allowed herself to think about all of the trauma but now it was all out. She couldn't help but to realize how she had been in the next room when Damon turned her mother against her will. She had been right there. If only she hadn't trusted Stefan, she would've been able to stop Damon. She would've been able to save her mom and maybe get her to stay and not run for the hills. Maybe...

She should've known that the brothers would do just about anything to keep Elena alive, even if that meant killing someone that was so important to her. It didn't matter as long as Elena was safe. As long as Elena was happy.

At the time, Bonnie had hated her for that, but only for a while. She knew that Elena had never meant for that to happen, and if she'd known what Damon and Stefan had planned, she would have never allowed it to come to completion. But now that she was out here and alone, she hated her all over again. Bonnie hated her for being the root cause of her pain. She hated herself for hating her best friend. It wasn't like Elena had an active role in all of this disgrace but she was definitely connected to it.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

It was too much to bear and she didn't know what to make of everything. It was such a cruel thing to witness her family's death. Even Rudy, whom she did not have any relationship with, besides the obvious familial lace. She watched as Silas murdered him in cold blood in front of the whole town just because he wanted to test out a theory. Just like that. She was there, yet again, and all alone.

Maybe she was being punished for something she'd done in another life, or maybe this was all there was for her. An endless life of pain and misery that she couldn't escape at all, not even in this weird dimension.

She was alone and lost and unhappy. So unhappy.

The young Bennet hugged her legs against her tightly; she was still curved down and continued to sob. "I can't take it anymore. I just want it to stop. Please, please, please."

She knew that her pleas would never be heard but she needed to get it off her chest. It felt like she was about to explode and her head ached so much. Everything was painful at this point, being stuck here, being back in their Mystic Falls, being alive.

She thought she could be strong and get out of here. She wanted to be with Grams and her dad but now, she was so drained, she didn't want to do it anymore. At least not now. Her limbs felt like steel and she hoped that the invisible cage she was in would become her shelter forever.

She heard a sound right next to her, and when she lifted her head up to look at it, Damon was sat there staring ahead.

Then she realized it. Damon was the one that turned her mother, the one that forced them to open that tomb and the one that tried to kill her. And she had been drinking with him, as if he wasn't poisonous, as if he hadn't destroyed her life in more ways than one.

What a hypocrite.

Even now, she couldn't bring herself to yell at him, she was too tired. But she couldn't believe how far she'd have fallen in order to be willing to forget all of the bullshit he had done and share a decent moment with him.

There were some things that were unforgivable and Damon had done a whole lot of those. She had a big heart but not that big. Right now, her debilitated muscle was out of forgiveness to give out. Hell, she couldn't even forgive herself right now for having a momentary lapse of judgement and trust him.

Bonnie knew that they were both acting purely on their survival instincts but still, it angered her that she was in such an emotional place with him. Even worse, she had thanked him before, not too long ago. The vampire that made her life a living hell. She thanked him and she meant it!

It was such a fucking battle right now. Because on one hand, she hated him all over again, and on the other hand, she was still feeling somewhat grateful. What did that make her? A con? A fraud? A liar? Her shoulders slumped and she kept on crying. At this point, she didn't care if Damon was there witnessing her turmoil, she had no control over the emotions that tackled her, and she couldn't care less about Damon's opinion.

How can one feel all of these things simultaneously for someone else? Hate and appreciation, anger and relief. How? One thing she knew though, she was tired of hurting and she just wanted to leave. She wanted to be alone.

Bonnie supported herself in one hand as she got up but her legs gave away and she fall back into the position she had been.

Damon wanted to ask her if she was okay but decided not to. She got back up again and he knew she was headed to the Camaro. Silently, he too made his way to the car and they drove in silence, the only thing he could hear was Bonnie's quiet sniffles. She was crying again, not like she had fully stopped but there had been some moments during their journey where she seemed to have it together only to break down again.

The Salvatore gripped the wheel hard.

It was one thing to see her scared, it was a completely different thing to watch her cry like that. If he was struggling with viewing Bonnie as someone capable of fragility, now he was heavily confronted with the fact that the Judgy witch had feelings. Deep and heavy feelings, which was something he had never even considered before.

Here she was, shaking and sobbing lowly as if her whole world had been turned upside down – which it had in a way – and he didn't know what to think of it.

Glancing at her again, he ran his eyes over her curled up body in his passenger seat. She was breathing evenly now; she must've fallen asleep exhausted, he concluded.

He took advantage of that and thought about their argument back at the bar. He hadn't meant to go off like that but he was pissed off. So pissed off and drunk. Those two never went well together and he'd opened his big mouth, like always.

He would be lying if he said that he hadn't meant all of those things, but he honestly didn't think she would be reacting this way. He thought she would have a smart-ass answer, like she usually did, and he was prepared for that. He knew their fights by heart now. He would say something, she would say something else, he would bite back and she would give him an aneurysm and storm off.

That was the script, that had always been the script, but tonight it had changed. That bothered him, profoundly so, because it wasn't supposed to be like this. He didn't even know why he hadn't stayed inside the bar and waited until she was done crying her eyes out. Back in their Mystic Falls, he would have stayed, so why didn't he?

Damn it.

She sounded so broken, so desperate for... something, anything really, and she sounded like she was in a lot of pain. That was something he could relate to. That slicing agony that cut so deep within, it was almost unbearable. He knew that all too well.

He debated on whether he should go or stay in his place because, honestly, after the fight they just had, he was pretty sure she didn't want him around. It was when she said those words with such urgency, like she was bearing her soul out, that he took those steps and met her outside.

I can't take it anymore. I just want it to stop. Please, please, please.

Damon had a notorious cold heart when it came to the general population but even still, the weight of emotion Bonnie put on those words made him want to do something for her. It was beyond strange and it took him by surprise, but he just couldn't leave her like that, grieving in the dark.

He saw her petit figure sat down by the step of the road and he could almost feel those intense sensations coming out of her. They came in like an avalanche but he pushed through it and sat by her. Her sobs were heavy, charged with grief and a lot of other things he couldn't place.

She didn't seem to care that he was there with her, it was almost like she didn't care about anything, not in that particular moment at least. And he understood that. He knew that, if anything, those moments came at an unexpecting pace and so, things like time and place didn't matter much.

He was sort of glad she let him stay there, even if she barely acknowledged him, because the guilt he was feeling right now, was borderline consuming. He didn't know exactly why he was feeling guilty; he just knew that he did. Their fight aside, there was something inside him that stirred up when we watched her come down like that.

She was the brave one, the mighty Bonnie Bennett and yet here she was, looking like a breakable version of herself. Or maybe, she had always been like this too, he had just never seen the consequences of his actions. Once the deed was done, they would go in separate ways, only converging pathways when danger approached, and by then, Bonnie was all healed up and ready to take command.

That was their thing, that was the Bonnie he knew and was somewhat comfortable with.

Right now, being aware of how vulnerable she looked, of how hurt she sounded, made him realize that maybe this wasn't the first time Bonnie had gone down like that, it was just his first time witnessing it.

He thought about their fight again and, truly, the whole day they spent together. So many different emotions and he never once considered hers, only when she showed up at the manor like that. It was a nasty habit of his, not considering her feelings or thoughts, unless there was a plan involved, he didn't consider her at all. He wasn't sorry about that, that was just the way their relationship was. There was too much chaos between them for him to acknowledge that maybe, she could be as easily breakable as the next person, that she wasn't as invincible as he thought and that her proud and uptight armor was just that – an armor.

He saw her as a teenager but barely gave her the benefit of one and now he'd seen it, at least a facet of it.

Her weakness, her distress, her desperation and her mounting fear clogged up out of her and it left him unbalanced. He wanted to be there, for reasons he couldn't yet understand, but at the same time, he felt like he was intruding a very personal moment. She should have someone like Caroline and Elena by her side right now, they were her elected best friends and they were the right ones for the job, not him. Still, he just couldn't walk away.

Maybe it was his guilt that kept him glued to her side, maybe it was that tiny, tiny corner in his heart that couldn't leave her all miserable like that. Whatever it was, Damon couldn't decipher it just yet.

Even during their way back, he could hear her sobs as clear as day and, with every sob, his center seemed to sink in a tad bit. He didn't get it all but it was happening. He was no longer completely and utterly indifferent to her feelings, to her being.

He hated it, truly and fully hated it because it was like he didn't have any control over it. He didn't want to feel guilty about making her cry like that, he didn't want to care that she was upset at all but, fuck, he cared! For some unexplainable reason, Damon Salvatore was feeling guilty.

The Salvatore huffed hard not realizing that Bonnie was slowly coming out of her slumber. He quickly gathered himself and put his game face on. Even if she hadn't gone ahead and kicked him earlier, maybe she would do it now and Damon had to at least maintain the illusion that he had it all together and conceal that he was very slowly falling apart, just like her.

He wasn't sure if he should say something or not. He did want to push her further into that emotional turmoil again, but he also wanted to make sure that she would be alright. This was definitely new; giving this much thought about whether or not he should ask Bonnie Bennett a question. He had never had this problem before, so why was he acting like this now? Surely, guilt didn't make people act like this.

I can't believe I'm overthinking this shit, he thought bitterly.

"Are you going to be alright?" he blurted out.

Bonnie sighed. His voice snapped her out of her moment and she realized she didn't want to be alone but didn't want to be near him. Right now, he was a living and breathing reminder of everything she had lost up until that point and she wasn't strong enough to face it. Not yet. And, to be honest, she didn't want to be. She wanted to be alone and hope tomorrow came in late, she hoped that it would be easier.

Damon was now the reversal of what she needed. He was also that tormented figure that was always in her life somehow. It was like he had an ability to self-insert in her routine and now that had escalated because they were stuck in this empty place.

With another grim sigh, she realized another thing. There wasn't much difference between Silas and Damon. They had both been responsible for the death of one of her relatives, and though Damon wasn't torturing her like Silas was, his constant demands and reckless impulses surely had her involved in his dangerous mess. They were both ancient and deviant, and they had both been in love with doppelgängers. Sure, Damon wasn't as bad as Silas but he was bad enough.

Bonnie looked out of the window with a very heavy heart. She didn't want to do this but she had to. That was her home, her place on this earth. She sighed one last time and froze when she saw a shadow pass by her kitchen window.

She started breathing hard; her hand on her chest, mouth hanging open – a complete painting of a frightened person. She removed her hand from the handle and balled it into a tiny fist, her nails her digging deep at her palm in an effort to redirect her focus but it wasn't working. She looked at that window again and the shadowed figure wasn't there anymore but that did nothing to calm her down.

Bonnie felt like crying again out of fear. She was feeling way too weak to have another unsupportable round with Silas. She wouldn't survive it. She wanted to scream and cover her face with her trembling hands but it was like her body was made of stone. She went rigid, her muscles and her brain were completely disconnected and she felt in pain.

"No" she whispered. And even that tiny word came out strained, as if it had taken all of her energy to say it.

Damon roamed his eyes over her. Again, and annoyingly so, he didn't know what to say or what to do. She looked so breakable; he was sure she'd come undone under his touch.

"What do you want to do Bonnie?" he spoke in the same whispered tone.

She didn't reply straight away; she was trying to get her body back. She took her time but she finally managed to say "Take me to the Old Witches House"

It was the only place she could think of that would allow her to decompress and feel safe at the same time.

He nodded, figuring she needed some time alone. Damon looked at her house, nothing seemed out of place but she looked scared of it, or of something inside it. With that thought in mind, he stepped out his car and headed to the Bennett residence.

His stride was a certain one and he wasted no time taking ahold of the handle, however, he wasn't expecting a caramel skinned hand holding him back. When he turned to her, she still looked every bit troubled but there was something else in her eyes, something he couldn't explain "Don't... Don't go in there"

He looked down at her hand and then at her tear lined eyes. He wanted to ask her why and what was going on but giving her state, he'd leave the questioning for later. Damon pressed his lips together and exhaled, her fingers still holding him down. She was gripping him with such urgency that he couldn't bring himself to alleviate that tension by making a Damon-esque commentary.

She wasn't looking at him directly in the eyes, she was purposely avoiding them because it hurt too much "Just... just take me there"

He made good on his promise and dropped her off at that creepy place and yet, Damon couldn't find it in himself to turn the engine on and leave. Nothing about this was right, nothing felt right and judging by the way Bonnie acted when they got to her place, Damon knew that whatever she had been hiding up until now was serious. It was only natural that he didn't want to leave her alone in the house. He'd keep watch and make sure it was safe, but also to find out what was that had the little witch so shaken up.

Leaning back against his leather seat, Damon fished out his phone and held it in his hands without unlocking it. Her words kept coming back to him, louder now that he was alone.

If you want to know so badly, go listen to them!

Truthfully it all had been such a daze since coming back from his trip weeks ago. Bonnie passing out and Emily's necklace in his possession made him completely forget about his voicemails. He hadn't even given them a second though; they were in the past now. After all, he and Bonnie had a plan to execute.

The plan was to meet this man at the bar and get some answers, instead, he and Bonnie broke out in a nasty fight again and now he had to make the right move and listen to her voicemails. He had to give it a go because Bonnie was scared and, just a while ago, he'd seen her go through that emotion again. That transformation was something he couldn't quite grasp yet and wasn't sure if he ever could. She had gone from bawling her eyes out, to anxious, to scared straight so fast it left him guessing everything he knew about her at this point. Being confronted with this Bonnie was something that he needed to get used to but he didn't really know her. This broken person, whom he could relate to but didn't really know.

He needed to know her though. If there was one thing Damon Salvatore knew in all of his existence was to know who he was dealing with. In this particular moment, Bonnie was foreign to him, almost like a stranger, yet deep down there was still that feeling that they both shared – loss, grief, pain.

He looked up and closed his eyes. What was he doing? Second guessing everything and... thinking about Bonnie in a different light. He realized he'd spent the last couple of hours thinking about her and her emotional state. That made him open his eyes fast.

He had to take care of this so that they could go back to their regular scheduling and find a way out.

His pale finger unlocked his phone at last and he pressed the voicemail button at once. There was no pointing in dragging things out, if he was going to do this then he had to be quick with it.


After Damon drove out of her house, he had insisted on fetching blankets and at least a pillow so that Bonnie could sleep in better condition than just hard wood. She didn't try to stop him from getting said items, she didn't care because she was sure she'd be awake all night.

When they got to the Old Witches House, she declined his help and told him that she wanted to be alone. Soon, he was out and she exhaled for the first time in what seemed like hours.

Bonnie set up her sleeping corner and sat down staring at the necklace. Not even a full minute later, she broke down in tears again thinking about all of her past mistakes, struggles and hurdles. She also thought about her time in this dimension and how it had been nothing but a nightmare. Bonnie didn't even know where all of these emotions were coming from but they were there, and they were potent. Her barely-there efforts to get away from them was nothing compared to the heavy load that those emotions carried.

The young girl gripped her pendant hard as she sobbed, and not long after, she curled up in a ball as those strong emotions poured out of her.


Voicemail 1 "Damon? I am – s – some– something happened and I – I can't – where – where are you? – Call me."

Voicemail 2 "Damon, call me back – I can't – It – it's too much – where are you? – It's all falling apart – I just – I don't – Call me."

Voicemail 3 "Damon! Where are you? Damon? Pick up the phone! You – You said – I keep calling you and – He's right here – In – In my house and – and – he k-killed him – I – It's my fault – Call me."

Voicemail 4 "He's here – I'm – I'm scared – I'm not safe – Damon – Damon – I'm – I'm next – He's going to kill me – I killed him – I can't breathe."

There was a background noise, like the type a phone does when it's suddenly dropped to the floor. The uncontrolled sobs could still be heard through the line.

Voicemail 5 "He got me – I'm – And he killed him – I saw it – I have no choice – Nothing's – I'm – There's no hope – Where are you? Damon – Pick up – I'm trapped – I've got no choice – He's got me now."

Voicemail 6 "He's going to kill me – Now – He's going to kill me – Silas is going to kill me..."

Beep.

He was stunned. Completely and utterly stunned.

This is what Bonnie was scared of. This is what had her trembling and in such panic.

Silas.

Her discourse was a jumbled mess but still there were some phrases that he managed to comprehend, and in the midst of such confusion and despair, he finally realized it. Silas messed up with her head so badly that she was now having nightmares about it. Nightmares that were so strong that left her so volatile. That had to be it.

Damon ran his hand through his wild hair. Now, this was something that they could handle to some extent. Usually, he would be asking Bonnie for help – or demanding it from her – but now she was the one with the parasite. And though he could pride himself in knowing a few things about witches and witchcraft in general, he was no expert. Sadly, he and Emily didn't have much time before she died. So now Damon didn't know what to do.

Huffing, he looked at the house and focused his hearing on her. His brow furrowed when he realized that she was still crying softly. He kept listening as he tried to figure out how to properly handle this. She had somewhere to sleep for tonight but with tomorrow came another sorrow night and he wanted to make sure she'd be safe.

There was no way that Bonnie would agree to spend some nights at the manor, and frankly, Damon wasn't quite sure he could handle that yet. He had just realized that there was a different side to the witch, not only that but she was being plagued by Silas it seemed, and that was a lot.

He was a creature of habit and that meant maintaining his personal space. Even though the manor was a big estate, he just wasn't ready to have her so close at all times.

Another option he thought about was to take her to her grandmother's house. Damon figured that since she was someone that Bonnie had so much love and respect, she would feel safe there. It was worth a try.

Shaking his head, he thought about Silas. He remembered him as a massive pain in the ass that had a thing for doppelgängers, a weirdo warlock that passed for Stefan for weeks before showing his true face, and of course, the one that had manipulated Bonnie into thinking she was some invincible devil witch. That Silas was an unwanted load of problems and Damon actually cheered when he was destroyed during the collapse of The Other Side.

In all truth, Damon had never given him much thought outside of the problems he caused. As soon as Silas was declared dead and gone, that's exactly when he stopped being important. He was done. Damon never even thought about how Bonnie would fall into all of that. She was the one that spent the most time with Silas, and though he and Elena had had a taste of his wickedness, he would be lying if he said it was the same case as Bonnie's. He knew it wasn't. At the time, I just didn't care.

Now, he was being forced to care because he'd seen how Bonnie was – truly was – and he had to put a stop to it so that they both got out of this place. So, as soon as she stepped out of that house, he was going to run his plan by her and get her to agree to it. This was for the best. Those nightmares had to stop and he'd help her.


Bonnie felt heavy. The basement had sunlight creeping in through the small windows, she could hear the birds chirping away. Her body was aching again but at least she made it through the entire night without any unwanted appearances.

Moving into a sitting position, the young witch thought about last night and immediately regretted it. The whole fight with Damon brought up a range of emotions that she wasn't even aware that lived inside of her. But the worst of it all was the pain and the agony she was feeling.

She had become so used to push everything under the rug that now that said things were staring at her so intensely, it was suffocating. Seeing her reflection through those layers of instability left her feeling shaken, humiliated and clogged up.

Bonnie didn't know what to do now. She was fully aware that she lacked the proper mechanisms to deal with this storm she was going through in a proper way. She never had the time to properly develop those tools because there was yet another crisis that needed her utmost attention, and so, her problems would be pushed back.

She also felt so divided and confused. Just yesterday at the bar, she had realized her own worth, she finally understood that she was worthy of saving as much as her friends were. Now, she didn't even feel like being saved. What was the point in the end? Who was to say that she was going to be with Grams and her dad after they departed from this world? That had been a speculation, an illusion she created in her head to help her move forward.

Bonnie didn't want to be disappointed again, she was tired of feeling and of being disappointed. She wanted to believe that she would come out on top when history had shown her otherwise. She never came out on the winning side, so why should she let herself feel things like hope when in reality, she was stuck here with Damon of all people and Silas was still haunting her?

Yet, a very small part of her, almost miniscule, still wanted to fight and find a way out. Part of her wanted to see and hold Sheila again. That part yearned for happiness and true love, the type she only got from Grams. Though very small, that part seemed to be bursting with life.

How very ironic.

If last night was any indicator, Bonnie was all worked out. Exhausted to the bone. She wanted to stay in that one spot in the basement and let her mind fly far away from here. This house felt safe and familiar, unlike her own place.

Maybe it was because it didn't have any memorabilia and Silas hadn't shown up in there, or maybe it was because Emily's talisman was there and that made her feel reassured. She would hold on to that feeling for as long as she could because she felt like drowning every single second.

Her hopes, ambitions and dreams had all been but mere distractions. A teenager's mind flying too close to the sun. She had been burned too many times now, she knew better. She should've known better.

As long as she was away from Silas, Bonnie didn't have any interest in working in their plan. Damon was now protected and he could do whatever he wanted for all she cared. She had to scoff at that; she'd been the one to protect him, after all he'd done.

Temporary insanity, that's what it is, she thought but she knew it was a lie. She couldn't have it in her heart to not help her friends and other associates. It was like something calling deep inside her kept her from walking away.

Shaking her head, the young witch blocked out those thoughts and decided to go on a more practical and ache-free approach. She'd think about mundane stuff, like how she needed a long bath and get her body to recover from yesterday's shock. Then, she'd go back to lying down in fetal position and let herself sink in that one spot. Yeah, that was a plan.

Bonnie folded the blankets and put them in a pile in a corner. She managed to step outside without crying and that was an accomplishment, mostly due to the fact that she'd spent the entire night crying, but an accomplishment nevertheless.

She was surprised when she saw Damon's car still parked outside. She thought he had left as soon as he dropped her off but proof showed her otherwise. He was leisurely leaning against the side of the vehicle and sipping on his flask. He was about to hit her with a 'Good morning Witchy', but refrained from doing so.

He was still thinking about her voicemails and even now looking at her, she looked like she hadn't slept at all. So, he let her have the first go.

Bonnie rubbed her hands together and took a deep breath "What are you doing here?" her voice came out as hoarse whisper.

Damon licked his lips and inhaled "I wanted to make see how you were holding up"

She fought an urge to roll her eyes "I'm fine Damon"

"Where are you going?" he asked as she made her way to the road.

"Home" was her soft reply. She didn't feel like fighting him again.

"Hey" he said blocking her way "I can take you there or were planning on walking all the way up to your house?"

She looked up at him and took a step back "Damon, I don't want to fight"

"Me neither" he said fast "Look, I know things are still... fresh but let me help you with this"

Her gaze moved to the side, nothing in particular caught her attention but she needed to escape the scrutiny of Damon's stare. If yesterday things had been awkward before they got too heated between the two of them, not it felt like they were walking on eggshells. Either way, it made her uncomfortable, especially when Damon was being decent, or trying to.

She had called him out for being selfish so maybe he was trying to prove her wrong, right? No, he wouldn't do that, he didn't care what she thought about him. He already thought too highly on himself.

So, was it because he saw her cry? Bonnie had to confess that, at the time, she no longer cared about crumbling down into pieces and showing him her weaknesses, but now she felt a bit too self-conscious. Damon Salvatore had seen her cry and she was sure the mockery was about to start any time now.

"Damon I really don't need–"

"I know you don't but I'm offering. No strings attached" he quickly interrupted her.

She huffed because she was tired and dealing with him always led her to one extreme or the other and right now, she was looking after balance, not further disturbance.

"No, Damon. The truth is, I don't really want to be around you right now. I'm beyond exhausted and you're not making it any better. I just need to be alone" she said at once and proceeded to walk around him but he grabbed her arm again.

"I know, and you have every right" he started "But come on Bon, I just want to help out. I'll be out of your air in no time"

Bonnie shook her head again and removed her arm from his hold "You always do this Damon. You always have to have the last word. Your wants always come first and you don't even consider the impact your actions have. Not everything has to go your way and especially not how I get home."

He licked his lips ready to give her an explanation she didn't ask for, but she continued "You saw me crying yesterday – and I can admit that I'm a bit embarrassed by that – but Damon, that doesn't make us friends. We started off as partners and honestly, I don't even want to do that anymore. I'm done Damon"

With that said, she walked away and Damon didn't follow her this time, he just stood there mulling over her words.

Fuck.


Her bathtub was all filled up and Bonnie wished it was deeper than it actually was.

The water was just the right temperature but she still felt cold somehow. That was another thing she was getting used to, being used to feeling cold all the time despite being near a heat source and being in the middle of the summer. Regardless of the weather, Bonnie Bennett was going to feel just a tad bit cold.

Her body seemed to sink under that water and she let it. Hopefully, it would wash away all the heartbreak, all of the pain, all of the consequences and, ultimately, all of her.

She wasn't sure when she started crying again but she was crying now. She could feel the tears rolling down her face, so she closed her eyes in a hollow effort to put a stop to it. The young girl let herself go completely under. The water was serving as barrier between her and the outside world, and she liked it.

Maybe it wouldn't be too bad if she stopped fighting for once and just accepted her fate. She would still get herself protected against the plague that was Silas, of course, but getting out was no longer a priority.

It would surely be amazing to see Grams again but she couldn't let herself feel hopeful again only to have it completely shattered. She was shattered. So, Bonnie would accept this new world as her home. It wasn't like she had anything to get back to in their Mystic Falls.

There, Grams was still dead, her dad was still dead and her mother was still a vampire and ignoring that she ever had a daughter. Being alone there and being alone here was the same, so why go against the inevitable? Why had she been so keen to find a way out, to find answers, when it was that behavior that got her in trouble more than once?

It was her time to be selfish and say fuck it. She didn't want to do it anymore; she didn't want to be a fighter until the bitter end. She wasn't a soldier, she was a human being, and right now, it fucking hurt being her.

Being in this empty place was hell but she was tired of fighting it.

Bonnie could feel her lungs running out of oxygen but she didn't make a move to get that precious gas. She let herself stay underwater.

Should she hold on? Should she come up, and give herself another try?

Bonnie.

She heard it so suddenly and so clearly that she reacted by sitting down fast. The water dripped all over the tiled floor but she didn't care. All she could think about was that voice. The one she loved so much, the one that calmed down her frights, the one that put her to sleep with the most beautiful songs, the one that belonged to her Grams.

She blinked rapidly as a new set of tears came in.

Even though she had been able to see her Grams before The Other Side went kaput, it was still a bittersweet feeling to hear her voice. She seemed so close to her and Bonnie missed her so much. Her sweet touch, her advice and the way she was always ready to listen to her granddaughter. Even when she talked about boys and other silly stuff of the same kind. Sheila would listen, especially, when Bonnie talked about Abby. Or tried to talk about her. And for that, the younger Bennett would forever be grateful.

"I miss you so much" she gulped out.

She wished she could have that feeling again of being held by her grandmother. That sense of security that told her everything was going to be okay and that she wasn't alone. Seeing Grams as a ghost wasn't nearly enough; she wanted her here, now. But there was no way around it.

Her heart sank even more and Bonnie decided that she was done with her bath. With a towel wrapped around her body, she made her way to her bedroom and let herself fall into the bed =, not really bothering to put on clothes or dry herself.

She was tired, so unbelievably tired.


Hello again angels. First of all, thank you for your lovely reviews! Really.

So, this chapter was a smaller one because I wanted to give focus to the character's mental state. I feel like now that Bonnie finally aired out all of the loss she experienced, it left her no choice but to stare straight into all of that trauma. Obviously, for someone that has never been granted the proper support or the chance to process her pain, she is going to have a very hard time overcoming that, so it'll be a work in progess for her to deal with everything that's happened in order to heal.

Damon, on the other side, is now seeing her in a different light but he's still very much absorbed in what he feels/thinks. He can't fully let go of his ego to properly understand just how much she's hurting. I find it outrageous, really. His sole focus has been Elena for so long and he can't see beyond her or himself. Rest assured that that will change and our vampire will grow out of that.

I hope you liked this chapter, I know it's on the heavier side but we have to explore this side of the characters as well. Let me know your thoughts in the reviews and see you next time!