A/N: Thanks for the thoughts on the other chapter, lovelies! I was a little unsure whether I wanted to write what occurs in this chapter right now, but it felt right to do considering the character developments. I hope I've done this side to Billy justice. There's a trigger warning for this chapter as it has mentions of self-harm.


~Billy~

I laid awake on the sun lounger, following the shooting star as it rocketed across the black sky. Reclined enough to view my surroundings, but far enough for Sierra to sleep soundly in between my legs. Her fingers twitched as she became lost in a dream, her warm, sleepy breath as it expanded on my chest. It was almost enough to make me go into a deep sleep. Almost enough for me to forget what lurked both within and out there. I may have made an admission of what He had done to me, but there was something else that momentarily evaded the invisible barbed wire holding my secrets hostage. During the fucked up game of baseball, I initially had anticipated joining in. Why not? After all, it had been my idea. See if it could do anything with my screwed head. But I freaked out at the last minute. Both Steve and Sierra had made themselves fully vulnerable. They'd both stored up so much venomous anger over the years, but held it in for the sake of others. It was responsible, yet damaging. We were so alike in our dilemmas, but there was one stark difference. They functioned with anger, I didn't. Breaking a mug that was meant to represent whoever had harmed us was therapeutic for them. A manageable chaos. Yet, I who seemingly thrived in chaos, became timid. Upon facing the game, I became weak. Cowering in His shadow. I hated myself for it. I had courted chaos so many times that the real me, the person I was becoming acquainted with again, was stunned. Frightened. I've spat out words of hatred, thrown my own punches and set any path behind me on fire. But I couldn't smash a coffee cup to pieces. Was I scared it wouldn't do anything for me, or did I not want to push my limits again? I was probably better off walking across a minefield. Rebuilding my life was going to be difficult. It freaked me out knowing I had to force myself to not rely on the usual tactics. Let's see how it goes, but God knows I'm going to need at least two packs of cigarettes to get me through the day.

After the baseball game, Steve got the hint to leave Sierra and I alone for a little while and went to get some sleep in the living room. I'd been worried that I had upset her. Making my girl cry wasn't what I had wanted. Sierra tried to pretend she was alright afterwards and I didn't pry. Carry on as normal. Until the glass mask shattered. She tried to reassure me I hadn't made those tears slip from the doe, green eyes I had grown to crave. Nevertheless, I felt angry at myself. I had no control over my own emotions. All I could feel was anger whether it be towards the world, Him or myself. It was the savage constant in my life. But seeing her cry like that, this girl who within the space of a week I felt gravitated to, made the anger turn into a pill far more bitter to swallow.

Guilt.

I didn't know if I was capable of changing. What I did know was I gathered her in my arms and held her until the shuddering sobs came to an end. Stroking her small frame as I felt the hot tears seep past the fabric of my shirt, allowing her to burrow her head in the crook of my neck. It was all I could give her. Later, once she had regained composure, she told me she was crying because she still felt the anger. Whilst I resorted to breaking things to cure the insatiable anger, she would let the tears flow freely. Perhaps that's what I needed to do. But the most I could permit myself to do was feel my hands tremble. No matter how much I tried, the anger consumed me. Eating away until it reached the core. It seemed incurable, deadly. As I peered down to watch the rise and fall of her back, coinciding with her delicate breaths, I wanted nothing more than to change. I wanted to change for myself, so I could look at myself in the mirror and see more than just a pretty face; to be proud of the image reflected. I wanted to make her proud. She'd said it earlier when I finally admitted what was going on behind the scenes. Heart racing, I savored the tenderness as she spoke, the twinkle in her green eyes. God, I was turning into a sappy bastard.

Just as I was about to lean over and drink the rest of my now freezing coffee, I felt Sierra stir. Grumbling softly, her long, dark lashes fluttered open, revealing those goddamn, gorgeous eyes. Drowsy, my green-eyed girl looked up at me, rubbing the sleep away. I couldn't extinguish the cozy fire as it flickered away inside of me. The same eyes that, hours ago, had been glinting with tears. Fuck, all I wanted was to wake up everyday to her. Home - she felt like home. This time, I didn't want to burn down the house or escape. I wanted to stay. Actually lay some roots. Dive into bed and allow the feeling of being safe to lull me into a deep sleep.

Christ, what was she doing to me?

"Hey, Hargrove?" Harrington yawned, making his way out of the living room with a steaming cup of coffee. "Your patrol's over, man" He tapped at his watch. "4am. You gotta get some sleep"

"4am?" Sierra sleepily murmured, beginning to hoist herself up, as if we were in a hurry. Considering the events of tonight, we weren't going anywhere until at least sunrise, which was in about 3 and a half hours. Yeah, we weren't going anywhere for a while. I became even more of a miserable asshole if I didn't get enough sleep. "How long was I out?"

"Long enough, Sleeping Beauty" I chuckled. Slowly, I got up and extended my hand to help her. She welcomed the invite and joined me at my side.

Quickly wishing our goodnights to Harrington who assured Sierra about ten times that he was going to be fine sitting outside, we walked back into the house. I glanced over at Max to see her sound asleep on the sofa. I had no idea how she could. Henderson was snoring his head off. Sierra said she knew where the spare bedroom was and we made our way up the stairs. I couldn't help but look at the family photos of the former King Steve. Plastered smiles, clearly fake. Only for the cameras, for the rest of Hawkins to believe King Steve was brought up by two loving parents. How much of a role did we have to play in all of this? I used my bravado as a shield, but what did Harrington have? He was someone more than Hawkin's old Keg King now. Initially, I'd seen him as a threat. Someone who might steal the girl I wanted to myself, who might take the spotlight away. Now, as I examined every photo of him donned in his best clothes, I realized he was never going to be a threat. He was able to become transparent whereas I still relied on the front to preserve my sanity. Harrington didn't have to be an enemy; he could be an ally.

When we reached the bedroom, Sierra went in first. A blinding white light illuminated the room to reveal a white enamel double bed covered in an old-fashioned floral bedspread, floor-sweeping drapes over the windows to match. Pretty much, it was flower power for the middle-class and middle-aged. On the bedside table, there was a lamp and a photograph of some elderly lady. Harrington's Grandma, perhaps. I placed the photograph face down. Grandma or not, it weirded me out a little to have a complete stranger watch me sleep. Oddly enough though, I wasn't particularly tired. The overdrive setting my mind was in right now made me pretty alert. Add about 3 cups of strong coffee on top of that and I was basically a functioning human being. Sierra switched on the lamp as I turned off the main light and settled onto the bed with a satisfied 'Mmm'. Gruff chuckles left my throat as I watched her grab a pillow and curl her slender legs around it in a fetal position, kicking off her shoes in the process.

"Mind if I grab a pillow and blanket?" I asked, nodding my head to what would be my own bed on the floor tonight. Sierra tilted her head like an intrigued puppy for a moment, furrowing her eyebrows. I could have been mistaken, but there appeared to be a pout on her plump lips.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed and snapped into action, handing me the light yellow blanket. "One or two?" I put up two fingers in response to how many pillows I would like. "Sure you don't want to top and tail?"

"Nope, the bed is all yours, Princess" I didn't know whether she wanted me to share the bed with her or not. We'd never spent a night together and I didn't want to cross any boundaries she had about sharing a bed with a guy she'd started dating.

"Okay, well, if you want to swap or anything, just let me know" Sierra replied, almost shyly. Regardless of how much I wanted to cup her cheeks and run my fingers across her freckles just to feel the heat of her blush, I held back. Instead, I nodded and smiled warmly at her. Kneeling by her bed, I traced her jaw with my thumb and gently brought her chin towards me, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead. "Good night, I guess"

"Get some sleep, Princess" I whispered and flicked the lamp off.

Faint rustling could be heard as I situated myself on my makeshift bed for the night. I'd slept in worse places. Hell, this was paradise in comparison to the back of my car. With a skylight above me, a sky full of stars, it almost reminded me of times back in California when I'd go camping with Michael and Harry. Only thing missing was the smell of weed and the firepit. A smile crept on my lips as I thought back to those days. Shit, it was only this summer that we'd been camping out near Mammoth Lakes together. Harry and Michael had brought their girlfriends, and I had brought a girl I was sleeping with at the time. Amanda Jackson, a cheerleader at San Diego High. Typical blonde who wanted a bit of arm candy. Zero commitment for either of us. It was a pretty good night sitting around a campfire, drinking neat bourbon, smoking weed until sunrise. It was around the time I'd found out we were moving to this hick town. I remember coming out of my tent on the last night, the smell of sex and weed emanating from my shelter, and lighting up a cigarette, sitting on a tree stump and watching the sun rise. Lazily, the smoke from my cigarette wafted, seemingly towards the great, big sun as it rose up. I remembered thinking how this was going to be the last time I felt alive. You know, one of those moments where you can lose yourself in a feeling and it feels like you've hit the peak. Thankfully, I was wrong. Genuinely, I thought I was going to sink fast in Hawkins. Turns out, I could still swim. Anyway, summer always guarantees a good time. More sun, more parties. Just more things to do so I could get away from home. I wondered how the following summer would go.

1985.

Christ, I'd be graduating. My plan was to go back to California once I'd earned enough money. Get a job, keep my head down and then just run free. College wasn't on the cards. A basketball scholarship had been mentioned at San Diego High, but as things got worse at home, the less I cared about anything academic. Frat parties were the only thing that kept me interested, but it eventually dwindled. What was summer even like in Hawkins? There was a community pool that looked pretty good. If things between Sierra and I went well enough, perhaps we could go to California? Show her my old stomping grounds, that would be cool. Teach her how to surf, assuming she didn't know how to. Harry and Michael would probably like her. Shit, they'd probably be dumbfounded at how I managed to worm my way into her life. She wasn't exactly the typical girl I would have gone for back in California. Sure, Sierra had been a cheerleader, but I didn't tend to go for girls who read books, who thought less of popularity and more of their grades. Hell, I never had to put in the effort back then. Girls all went for me and I just so happened to pick and choose. Ha, I could hear their voices in my head right now.

"Fuck, Hargrove, you got yourself a smart cookie"

Swelling inside my chest was this warm sensation. The more I thought about showing off my girl to everyone in California, the more intense it got. I'd never really had a girlfriend to show off. I was always the one shown off, always the trophy. Never the other way around. I wondered what Mom would have thought about her. She'd probably give me a thumbs up, tell me I was a lucky guy. I can imagine Mom would have wanted to show off her culinary skills and made us her cobb salad. Cobb salad was a staple dish whenever we had company round. It wasn't very often; Mom didn't really have friends around. But, if we had a special occasion, she'd rush to the kitchen.

"Billy?"

Sierra's hushed voice snagged me out of my musings. Only then did I realize I had a shit-eating grin on my lips. Wiping it off, I rolled over onto my side to see she was already looking at me. From what I could make out in the darkness, she appeared okay. Nothing in her voice indicated anything bad.

"You okay?" I whispered back.

"I can't sleep" she grumbled like an infuriated kid.

"Well, that's probably because you haven't tried hard enough" I playfully chided, chuckling at her. "Want to play a game of twenty questions until you fall asleep?"

"Sure, sounds good!" Her tone perked up, sounding animated, and I heard the muffle of the duvet moving as she adjusted herself in bed to sit upright. "You start!"

"Hmm…" I started thinking of something to question her on. Sierra seemed like a person who you knew everything about and then suddenly, there would be something that would take your breath away out of surprise. Let's just start with something normal. There's been too much weird shit going down tonight. "Have you gone surfing before?"

"Once" she responded, lowering her voice. "I may have nearly drowned"

Bursting out with a loud laugh, I covered my mouth to try and stifle the snickers wanting to flee.

"Gee, thanks for laughing at my trauma, Hargrove" Sierra sarcastically chuckled.

"Sorry, just, how did you nearly drown?" I asked.

"Well, I was... you could say I was in the shallow part of the water…" she murmured, slight embarrassment tingeing her voice.

God, I was landing myself in such deep shit. No longer could I hold the enormous belly laughs. They just erupted and I really had to near-smother myself with a pillow to keep it quiet.

"The shallow part of the ocean?" I cackled, uncovering my face. Sierra took it from me and comically whipped my legs with it. "Ow!" Christ, the ache in my stomach from laughing was totally worth that. Tackling each other for a few seconds, I succeeded in winning back the pillow from her.

"Billy, you have seen me right? I'm, like, just over 5ft" Even Sierra had to relent. Trickles of giggles fell out of her mouth. "I know, I'm a shortass"

"Cute as a goddamn button is what you are, Nightingale" I chuckled and settled myself back down, surrendering a few more laughs. "Did you actually get on the surfboard?"

"I mean, I carried it…" God, if I laughed anymore I was probably going to pass out.

"Would you actually get on a surfboard?"

"If I had a good teacher" she replied suggestively. "And if someone managed to stop me from freaking out if my feet weren't able to touch the ground"

"Jesus, Nightingale, you're fucking adorable" I laughed, going back onto my back to watch the stars. It may have been my eyes, or the diminishing coffee buzz, but I swear I saw some stars aligned out there. The sky was so clear in this neck of the woods. Hawkin's had its perks, I guessed.

"All I can do is try!" she sighed, giggling away to herself. "Ooh, my question! What did you always want to do as a kid?"

"Shit, I don't know…" I did. I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I was a kid. Hell, I spent ages chattering Mom's ear off about it. I'd held it close to the real me for years, something to keep him going whenever I wanted to open the wounds. I trusted Nightingale. I could tell her. "I used to want to open a surf shack"

"Oh, really?" Sierra asked. I heard her scuttle closer to the edge of the bed. By the little shocked squeak she made, I figured she'd misjudged where the end of the bed was. Protectively, I moved closer and put my hand out, brushing her thigh.

"Try not to fall off, Princess" I jokingly warned. To my surprise, her small hand tangled with mine and she playfully tested shifting her weight, growing closer to the edge of the bed "You'll fall on top of me!"

"Don't tempt me with a good time, Hargrove '' she groaned, her banter laced with something far more teasing. I felt the warmth as it rushed into my cheeks and bit my lower lip.

"I'd never do such a thing, sweetheart" I huskily chuckled, lightly swatting her hand. Clutching back on, Sierra's thumb drew invisible squiggles on my palm.

"Anyway, you wanted to open up a surf shack?" Excitement lifted her voice and transmitted to me. I hadn't thought of this dream in a while. It had dug down too deep underground, untouched and hiding underneath cobwebs.

"Yeah, knew exactly where I wanted it as well" I responded with the voice of a proud owner of this imaginary, run down shack. "Nothing fancy, just a little wooden shack that I could build by Bermuda Beach. Direct view of the ocean, nothing too out there so I could avoid tourists. You know, just a local thing. Maybe offer some lessons to kids or people who just want to learn" A slight laugh tickled at my throat and took its chance, flowing past my lips. "I don't know, sounds kinda stupid really"

"No, it sounds like heaven" Sierra said, her voice the epitome of clarity. Shit, she was actually still listening to me. "Was Bermuda Beach where you used to surf in California?"

"Yeah, we lived pretty close to it before…" I paused, fighting against the lump forming in my throat "...before Max and Susan came along"

"What was it like?" Sierra whispered. "Bermuda Beach"

"God, it was incredible" I breathed. Waves crashing and the feeling of being totally amazed by the recluse beach invaded all my senses. With a deep sigh, I fixated my view back onto the stars. I wasn't there anymore. I was in Hawkins, Indiana. "It's tucked behind all the apartments. Small, but it was always where I'd go with my Mom when I was a kid"

"Do you miss her?"

Stunned, my breath hitched. I hadn't expected this to be on the list of twenty questions. Did I miss my mom, the person whose side I was stuck to for all of my life and then was forced to be without? I missed her, but I didn't miss the first few years of mourning the one person who kept me safe. To answer Nightingale's question, I missed my mother every goddamn day.

"Yeah, I do," I replied, hushed. "Do you miss yours?"

A few moments elapsed, the sound of birds chirping outside filling in the void of silence.

"Ever since that day she knocked on my grandparents door" she said softly. "I didn't realize just how much until tonight" I stroked the back of her hand and gave it a squeeze. Everything will be okay. "I like the sound of your surf shack"

"It's not bad. Just a little daydream, I guess" I muttered, a small smile creeping on my lips. Shit, now Nightingale was the one making me blush. The roles had been reversed, no turning back now. "What about you, what did you want to be?"

"Well, I did go through a phase of wanting to open my own bakery," she giggled. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. A girl who danced to Live Wire and wanted to own a bakery was such a contrast. I wanted to know more. "Zack's not a big fan of baking, but it's something I like to get up really early for some weekends, put on a cassette and bake. It makes the house smell so nice and I like to think Zack will remember waking up to the smell of baked goods" It was endearing how she thought so much of her brother, instilling these core values and memories in him for life. Mentally, I envisioned the house. The one with lavender lining the pebbles up to the entrance. Opening the door, being greeted by the aroma of fresh bread. Christ, it felt incredible. No twin wandering around outside. Just the smells to lift me up and welcome me in.

"What do you bake?" I asked.

"Quite a lot" she laughed, giving my hand a squeeze. What was this message she was sending? By the tender way she did it, I felt like she was including me in her dream, her happiness. "Cookies, bread. All sorts. Although, and I have to boast a little here, I made a pretty damn good apple pie last Thanksgiving" She paused, another squeeze. "I'll have to make you some at some point" And there it was. Being a part of her joy.

"I don't mind being your guinea pig when it comes to testing food" I laughed, yawning a little. The coffee buzz was starting to wear off now, my eyes opening and closing, heavy and powerless against the darkness as it flowed in. Red alert had turned to green - safe, reassured.

"Good night, Hargrove"

She gave my hand a kiss and let go.

"Sleep well, Nightingale"

As sleep ebbed closer, I luxuriated in the warmth her kiss left on my hand, until everything went dark.

...

Through my closed eyelids, I could see a dimmed light glowing the room. All my thoughts were slurred. A glance at my watch told me I had only had an hour's sleep. It was 5:30am. Blinking a few times to rid any disorientation, I remembered I was actually in Harrington's spare room. I got up a little and staggered over to the bathroom so I could switch off the light. Maybe Sierra had to go in at some point and forgot to turn it off. However, as I opened the door, my brain suddenly switched on again when I heard the embarrassed gasp. I spun around on my heel, biting my bottom lip.

"Shit, sorry" I murmured. Looks like Sierra hadn't left the bathroom light on by a mistake. Because she was stood right there by the sink in her band T-shirt and nothing else. Shorts on the floor, her dark curls slightly unruly. The more I thought about it, the harder it became to eradicate the steady stream of lust as it pumped around my body. "I, er, thought you left the bathroom light on"

"No, no" she stammered, and let out a slight laugh. "I couldn't sleep and got a little, erm, uncomfortable in my shorts"

I ran my hand through my hair as my thoughts went directly to discovering what was under the band T-shirt swamping her small frame. Jesus, stop. If my thoughts went a little too far, I was going to have a very difficult time getting back to sleep.

"That's fair" I chuckled and inconspicuously tapped my foot to some unknown rhythm, figuring out what to do in this situation. I could turn back around, drink her beauty in and see where things would go, or I could just go back to the floor and get some more sleep. Do the right thing, Billy. Conquering the growing desire to spin back round, I let out a sharp exhale. "I'll close the door so you can get changed"

From behind, I felt out the doorknob and pulled it towards me.

"Or..." Sierra breathed.

Immediately, I stopped in my tracks. Frozen, I didn't turn around until I felt her warm fingers brush over mine. A silent order to let go of the doorknob and turn around. I wasn't usually one to follow commands. But for her, I obeyed. Those green eyes were sparkling with something beyond curiosity. Slowly, her finger traced the protruding veins running up my arms, sending tingles up them. My eyes followed the movement, entranced by her gentle touch, landing on her lips as they parted to speak. Fuck, I really was struggling to control how hard I was breathing right now.

"...you can help me"

Pining for her touch, I took her small hands in mine and hovered just above the hem of her shirt. She gave them a squeeze.

Don't worry, it's okay.

"Do you trust me?" she asked quietly. All it took was one more look into those doe, green eyes and I was captivated. Who was I kidding? I'd been captivated from day one. I nodded, feeling the rough fabric, her silken skin underneath.

"Do you trust me?" I asked in the same quiet voice. Wordlessly, a warm smile graced her face. She grazed my chin with her thumb, softly running it across my parted lips.

Sierra nimbly balanced on the tips of her toes, elevating until our lips tenderly intertwined. Fused with an unfamiliar sweetness were thousands of thoughts, racing at the speed of light. I trusted her, opening a part of myself I had wanted to shun for the rest of my time on this earth. She had seen my untold pain as it flickered in my eyes and held my hand whilst it poured out. I knew from the moment I met her that I wanted her to be mine. The more I spoke to her, the more she threw her head back as her addictive laughter cascaded out, I figured out what I truly craved was to be hers. For years, I had tried my hardest to keep out the warmth and survive out there in the bitter cold. I didn't want to survive out in the cold anymore. I wanted to be let in. As I held Sierra's small hands in mine, removing her shirt, I marveled at how beautiful she was. Her slender fingers were glued to her thighs. Tentatively, she moved them, clasping her hands together nervously. Sierra must have really trusted me. Deep, small scars were scattered on her inner thighs, only noticeable from where I was standing. Instantly, I could feel a sharp burn as if it were my own pain. Not just the pain she physically inflicted upon herself whenever the shadows grew too overbearing. No, I could tell just from the way she fumbled with her hands that for so long she had kept people at enough of a distance so they couldn't see. And it had hurt her to do so. They were old, but there was a constant reminder for her. A reminder someone can endure so much torment to the point where everything becomes numb. So numb that you need something to make you feel like you're still alive. I didn't have scars, choosing to let the anger out as a way to extinguish the numbness. Both were just as damaging. I dropped down to my knees and carefully traced them, feeling her legs as they quivered and softened.

"I don't do it anymore" Sierra whispered.

Gazing up, I could see her eyes flickered from me to the ceiling. She didn't have to feel ashamed. We all had ways of coping. Instead of telling her so, I brought my lips to the fading, silver threads, trailing gentle kisses along them until there were no more left, until her legs relaxed upon heeding my reassurance. Twining my arms around the back of her thighs, I lifted her up in my arms. Her legs anchored around my waist, hands wrapped around the back of my neck. Our noses brushed together, warm breath expanding over our lips. They collided in a beautiful harmony and the whole world melted away. I knew from this moment onwards, I would try my absolute hardest to protect her, to replicate the safety born from our kiss. I'd never felt so safe, so comfortable. So free. As she cupped my cheeks, not breaking the fusion of our kiss, she blossomed. We thrived.

The desire was intoxicating, fascinating. I'd never experienced anything like it, anyone like her. So lost in this daze, I hadn't realized we were lying back on the bed. I dared myself to run my hands up her legs again, sweeping up her slim waistline, savoring the goosebumps pricking her olive skin until I found her face and felt her cheeks burn into the palm of my hand.

"Are you sure about this, Sierra?" I stuttered slightly, feeling my own nerves get to the better of me. I was used to putting on a show, but now, it was so different. Both of us were bare, vulnerable to one another. Sierra's fingers wrapped around the hand holding her burning cheek, giving it a squeeze. Our message, our comfort.

"I'm sure"

Vulnerability was all we needed though. It was all it ever had to be, all I ever wanted it to be. Just the two of us - entangled, together, as one.

...

I squinted as the sun's rays attacked my eyes. With a muffled groan, I burrowed myself away in Sierra's curls, breathing in the leftover fragrance of sweat combined with flowers and my cologne. My arms that had been wrapped around her since we fell asleep in each other's arms, readjusted themselves so they could pull her closer. I was still relishing what we shared together only mere hours ago. Even as I slept, I felt as if my body was floating over ground. Pleasure, passion and an unknown emotion had all surged through my body; so much that I had become convinced at one point this was all a hallucination. I had known passion and pleasure many times before. This time, with Sierra, it took another form entirely. Something else had joined us. In this moment, as my fingertips grazed up and down her naked back, breathing in the scent I found myself craving, the once strange emotion made itself known. There was no denying what this unknown feeling was; no coming down from the sheer intoxication. She had seen me come undone, followed me to somewhere unexplored. Mystery began to clear. I tenderly kissed the back of her head, allowing my lips to linger just a moment longer. Smiling to myself, I whispered her name. She stirred a little and turned around. Drowsily, her eyes began to open. For the first time, I noticed how her green eyes were flecked with gold. This surety rose in me and finally, I could put words to the unknown emotion.

I was falling for this girl.