Memories of You


A Week Ago

Here he was again. Not that it was a total surprise though.

He came down here for a reason – he wanted to see her, he wanted to immerse himself in that fantasy because the one person that could do something about this mess they were in decided to barricade herself in that house of hers.

He wanted to be back at Bree's because he wanted to be with her again even if that pushed him over the edge. After chasing the illusion of her so long, the edge felt like home, it gave him perspective. She was the light at the end of the tunnel and his savior all rolled into one, even if he deeply believed that he wasn't worthy of saving. Such efforts should not be wasted on someone like him.

Yet, despite all the odds, Elena found something good in him, she found goodness in his dried out heart. It was truly amazing that after everything he had done, Elena could still look him in the eyes and see for sure a man that was worth fighting the world for and he did not take that for granted.

Somehow, her light affected him so much that it left him unbalanced whenever he was near her. She was infectuous, taking him whole and he loved it. This was what love felt like. Like he was floating on miraculous air and it made him feel carefree which was suprising because Damon was never carefree, not truly at least. He was an expert at giving (and sometimes maintaining) that illusion but deep down he knew the truth. He was still shackled to his past and to emotions that would never see the light of the day, he'd sworn to it centuries ago.

Elena, though, she took him in for what he was. She knew what he was capable of and still she chose him. He knew she was the only right choice he'd made in life. Because of her, he got to know true happiness and he and Stefan were closer than ever. Damon knew that had it not been for her, he and Stefan would still be trying to murder each other every other half century. There was simply too much bad blood between them and, truthfully, Damon had too much hate in his heart to give a fuck about his brother. Any sort of resolution or truce between him and Stefan was out of question, and Damon Salvatore can hold a grudge, being a vampire only amplified that.

It was interesting to think of who he was three years ago compared to who he was now. Back then, there was so much chaos, rage and angst. He once told Bonnie she was a time-ticking bomb but he was a nuclear bomb waiting to go off. His timer was always set to seconds away from its explosion and that's where he spent most of his supernatural life. After all, that's where he used to feel like himself the most - on that very thin line between sanity and lunacy – it gave him edge, purpose if you will, without having to deal with any of the consequences. That old Damon still lived there, he was never truly gone, just dormant, as it should be.

Now, he was different.

Now, he knew what it was like to be loved, truly and unconditionally loved. It took him a century and a half but he found it at last. Elena breathed a new meaning to his life and he just wasn't about to let her go. He couldn't. She was the best thing he'd ever had and he'd fight hard to find a way back to her. After centuries of feeling unworthy and worthless, he'd finally found meaning.

Granted, Damon was still very much a work in progress, he was flawed but who wasn't? In all honesty, after all he'd been through, one could argue that he was handling things well, all things considered. He was never what one could call a 'balanced individual', there was always an edge to him, he could feel it in his bones. Maybe it was Giuseppe's terrorizing ways and having him cursing him out as a child. Whatever it was, Damon knew that there was always this anger in him that was just so ready to burst out. It was bubbling under the surface and it got worse after Lily's passing.

He remembered it clearly. Too clearly.

The manor was busy, as it always was, but on that day, it seemed as if the air was charged with poison and grief, so much so that even Giuseppe was showing signs of its effects. The older man didn't even bother to knock on his son's door, he just barged in, his shoes stomping on the hardwood floors. The stern and coldness hit young Damon like an avalanche; too strong, determined and paralyzing.

Immediately, he brushed the front of his trousers and stood up quickly, ready to be berated or pushed around, whichever came first. One could never determine with absolute precision how Giuseppe would unleash his rage, and Damon had tried. Oh, he'd tried so many times... but after so many blows, the resulting concussions stopped his brain from having the ability to predict logical scenarios (and to think of brighter days); instead, it built a shield around his heart. A shield so strong and so powerful that not even his father could break it.

Damon directed his gaze to the wall in front of him, he was purposely avoiding Giuseppe's stabbing eyes.

"Look at me boy" the voice broke through the air and reached his eardrum at a painful speed. Damon's hands were shaking and he could feel his heart palpitate faster and faster and faster but he couldn't show it. He could never show it. He forced his feet to move so that he could face the older man. His legs oftentimes turned into like Jell-O whenever he was in the presence of the hateful man, but now they needed to be made of steel, copper and every other strong and resilient material that nature could produce.

They were now facing each other, Giuseppe was staring down his son and Damon let his head hang down, his cyan eyes burning the dark floor. A second went by, then another and another and young Damon knew he was running out time. He knew he had to do it, even if he was to regret that action later on, but the fear and the grief almost paralyzed him. He wasn't strong enough, not yet at least.

"I said look at me" the voice towered over him. The deepened tone felt all too dangerous and lethal, almost like the footsteps that followed and the giant's shadow approaching his own. He felt him closer now, he felt the anger radiating off his body and he knew was trapped again.

That is such behavior of a predator, to find its victim's fragility and pounce on it, use it and twist it to its own liking. Like when a tarantula designs a carefully enticing trap for the weaker insect; an almost invisible force seemingly dormant but very lethal. The insect – unaware of its untimely death – does what its programmed to do, it flies in that hollowed search for food. It doesn't think for its actions are innate, it just flies carelessly into a trap only to realize that its wings are stuck. The attempts made to escape are vain, worthless. It's an already lost battle. Meanwhile, the spider stays calm and collected, the trap worked and there isn't any reason to act rapidly, and so it waits until the fly finally surrenders.

Despite such attributes neither Giuseppe nor Damon can truly relate to those insects, for Giuseppe is far too temperamental to be patient and Damon is too astute not to notice the violent patterns his father displays regularly. And still, Damon is just as powerless as the naïve fly and Giuseppe is ready to eat another piece of his soul. Again.

Blue orbs ascended from the dated floors and landed on a wrinkled face. A face twisted with anger, spite and something that he didn't have the time to register as the old man took hold of his chin with his strong fingers "Did you cry?"

He blinked not sure of what to say. The proximity was challenging his ability to focus and assess the situation. One wrong move and he could end up with a busted lip.

His throat grew thick; of course, he'd cried, he'd lost the one person (other than Stefan) that he truly loved unconditionally. Lily Salvatore was light, even in pain. She was their guardian angel and their protector, there wasn't anything that he wouldn't do for her and now she was gone. Not only that but Damon knew why she was gone but he kept that secret to himself, Stefan couldn't know the truth; he could never know and Giuseppe would probably beat him again if he told him.

He'd cried with Stefan. He hadn't meant to, he wanted to be the supportive older brother but grief has a way of expressing itself and, in all honesty, Damon felt safe when it was just him and his little brother. He cried again when he was alone in his own room, he did it quietly too.

"No" was his cracked reply. His voice shattered a little bit but he couldn't help it this time. Too many things were going through his mind right now.

Giuseppe narrowed his brown eyes and Damon could swear they turned black for a second there. He let go his chin and rested his heavy hand on his shoulder. The strong grip was enough to send a shiver down his spine. His stare felt like bullets piercing through him and when he spoke again, Damon was rendered speechless.

"You can cry. It's your mother's funeral"

He didn't even have the time to process those words as he was pulled into the most suffocating embrace he'd ever been in. Giuseppe wrapped his arms around his son for a total of three seconds and yet, Damon felt the air leaving his lungs but not fully leaving his body; it was stuck in the back of his throat. It found a nest there and it settled.

It is often advertised that a parent hugging their child is an organic action, a transference of emotions through physical contact that runs so deep it can never be destroyed, and while this remains true for a lot of parental relationships, for the ones left out of these conversations, the dysfunctional and toxic families, these gestures can take a whole different meaning. A sensation that cuts deeply and it never heals. That was Damon's experience.

The three second hug crushed his thorax and he was sure he could taste something metallic in his mouth. Maybe it was the physical manifestation of panic and fear rolled into one. When Giuseppe finally let go, he added "Your mother's eulogy, don't ruin it"

Hazily, Damon nodded, not being able to focus his eyesight on his father's frame. Turning on his heels, Giuseppe left the room and Damon exhaled like he'd been keeping the world's oxygen as hostage.

Maybe they were like the fly and the spider after all.

He remembered it so clearly that he unwillingly shattered the bottle he had been drinking from. Glass and bourbon spilled everywhere but he couldn't care less. Not anymore.

He didn't know why this particular memory hit him so hard now; it had been years, centuries since then and his father still managed to inspire such emotions out of him. He wasn't that flimsy little kid anymore. He wasn't even human; he was above this and he wasn't scared of Giuseppe. He could eat him for dinner just because! Well, he would do it in the most excruciating way he could think of and he'd make sure his father suffered. He'd make sure he'd pay – for everything.

"Fuck" he muttered under his breath. He didn't have time for this. He couldn't afford to go down his traumatic past now that he found himself alone, especially when it involved Giuseppe. Never when it involved him, so he quickly shut down anything related to that hateful man. He locked all those memories away deep in his mind, in the darkest and coldest corners he could find. Giuseppe wasn't going to best him again.

Taking a clean napkin from the counter, Damon dried his hands and went behind the bar again to retrieve another bottle and downed the single malt scotch straight from the source. He wiped the corner of his bottom lip with his tongue and sat down in one of the stools. He took a sip from the bottle and let his eyes close out of their own volition.

The old vampire let his mind wander through the memories of her. The journey gave him bliss, it provided him with the much needed high he was constantly chasing, and most of all, it gave him clarity. How very ironic. He could effortlessly recreate the different shades of brown in her eyes, the way her delicate lashes covered her eyelid and her lip's movement whenever she said I love you. He could visualize it so easily it almost made it real. The way her heart was fighting for air after he kissed her oh so passionately and the way her cheeks became colored with the shades of crimson.

I love you. It echoed deeply in his core and bounced within the confines of his body. Her skin felt soft under his strong fingertips and she always smelled amazing. She smelled like a dream, passion and curiosity all rolled into one.

That scent, so characteristic of her, was ingrained in his nostrils. He dared to inhale hard, he wanted to capture that scent and believe that she was right here with him ready to face whatever challenge came at them. He needed to believe that she was here because she was all he got, and so, when that fabricated lie made its way down his airways, he decided to let go of that last shred of sanity. He got lost in that dream and then he heard it. At first, it was a whisper but then it came back with more reassurance than before.

Damon.

Just like it had happened when he brought Bonnie over here three weeks ago. He heard her voice and immediately his lip tipped upwards. This is what he was longing for. Her presence, her voice and her touch all over him. He needed her almost as much as he needed blood. She was the best part of him and that was not up to debate. That was worth fighting for.


Present Time...

Bonnie Bennett knew she valued her privacy a lot, especially since the Salvatores came back to town and she was forced to give away parts of herself over and over and over again. She valued it so deeply because it was one of the few things she could still claim to have some control over. It gave her a sense of tranquility, as if her life hadn't spiraled down so badly she couldn't recognize it anymore. Instead, she would protect her privacy – her intimacy – at all costs. There was no way she could be persuaded not to do it, not after everything she had lost up until that point.

She held the concept in such a high regard that even the thought of going through Grams's belongings was a foreign thing to her. She knew that she had taken up the habit of privacy from her and now, after so much sorrow and guilt, the whole process felt invasive, not only for Sheila's memory but also for her own sake.

She licked her lips and palmed the floor underneath her. There were so many times she had been here, so many times where she and Sheila played around with her gowns and wigs and just had a little fashion show right there, in that bedroom. Or the actual version of it.

It started when young Bonnie became fascinated by the creative way Sheila would patch up her ripped jeans or shorts after she fell down while playing with Caroline and Elena. Back when she was just another regular kid. The first few times, the older Bennett would take the closest fabric she had and matched it with the item that needed repairing, but after realizing that Bonnie was going to keep showing up with ripped clothes and blaming it on having to win whatever game they'd been playing that day, Sheila decided to decorate her granddaughter's damaged clothes with flowers, bees and other cute animated patches. When she showed Bonnie her renewed cardigan with a row of butterflies going up the sleeves, the young girl's face lit up brighter than the sun.

Bonnie remembered it perfectly.

She also remembered how she and Grams came up with the idea of making matching jackets for Elena, Caroline and herself. On weekends, when her dad dropped her off, she and Sheila would wear the most random outfits and use the hallway as a catwalk. The sounds from the vynil records playing in the living room traveled through the house and swayed the Bennett's spirits. Time went by so fast and after many laughs and silly poses, Sheila would help little Bonnie to bed and tuck her in, but not before reading her a bedtime story right on that chair, the one sitting close to the window.

With a long sigh, Bonnie had a fading smile on her lips. Despite everything, she really had the best childhood she could have. There was nothing Grams wouldn't do for her and she had always been there to guide her. Without her and her guidance, Bonnie was sure she'd be even more lost than she was now.

The tears started rolling down her cheeks but she didn't fight them, not this time. They ran their course and she let them. Unlike before, these tears weren't solely bred out of sadness and loniless, they came from a grateful heart because she truly had an angel looking out for her every step of the way. The connection they shared was deeper than blood, stronger than any magic the universe could conjure up and it was never going anywhere. Such connections happen once in a lifetime, she thought, that was why when Grams passed away, she felt part of her soul die with her.

She closed her eyes slowly and swallowed the knot she had in the back of her throat "Thank you" she whispered into the nothingness "And I'm sorry" she added moments later.

I'm sorry I coluldn't make it up to you. I'm sorry you had to sacrifice yourself for me. I'm sure I didn't do better and I'm sorry I didn't know better.

She wanted to say it but the words got stuck somewhere deep within her herself.

As she opened her eyes, she stared ahead stil not believing she was in Grams's room. This felt surreal but also weirdly comforting, like she was now able to relax – even if the tiniest fraction – she just knew that what she was feeling now was the closest thing she used to feel whenever she came to Sheila's house back in her Mystic Falls.

Home.

The fact that this was a replica of said home didn't take away what she felt in her soul. That presence, the energy was all around her. Still, a corner of her mind kept wondering if this was an illusion and reality was much worse than she was expecting it to be. As much as she wanted to bask in this moment, in this sense of beloging, she still had her doubts and they just wouldn't go away.

Right now, she had a choice. She could either act on her suspicions or she could go with the other option. Surely, going completely insane couldn't be any worse than everything she had been through, right?

Drawing in a deep breath, the young witch stood up and warily made her way to the closet. She let her hands slide down the whiteboard doors feeling their texture. When she did so, she could almost sense something inclosed in it. Her first instict was to open the doors but she stopped herself from doing it. Grams said that there was something in her room, something she should know about but she didn't give any clues whatsoever at what it was that Bonnie was supposed to find. How would she know if she had found it?

She hated feeling like this; second-guessing herself at every move but she couldn't really help it. She'd been screwed over many times, so this reaction came as a natural shield. Not only that but this reality had been nothing but a long and stressful nightmare, there was nothing good in this world so she couldn't really help feeling scared. Right now, she was absolutely frightened. If things went wrong (again) then she'd really be done for, no more second chances and definitely no more hope. She was tired of going through the same cycle. The never-ending nightmare.

Trust me child, I'm with you.

Her chin quivered when she heard Sheila's voice again. Her throat grew dry and without thinking she asked back "Why? I'm not strong enough Grams, I'm tired" as she said the last words, her hands fell from the handle and she looked up to the ceiling "I'm so tired" her voice was now barely a whisper. She really didn't want to diappoint Grams but after everything Bonnie just knew she wouldn't survive another massive blow, she was so weak already.

The closet's doors opened by their own will. Her gaze was directed at the now open closet and she took a step back. Clearly, Grams wanted her to go for it and take a leap of faith. The little witch didn't know if she could pull through that jump if it became lethal by the time she reached the ground.

When she took that first step, it was unsure, almost as if she was afraid of touching the floor, and when she took her trembling hands to look trough the clothes, the feeling lodged in her heart was one of fear and anxiety pooled on the bottom of her stomach.

With each rack she moved away, the more unsettled she became as she could fel Sheila's perfume take her as a whole, and the memories blurred by in her mind. Her movements were gentle but faster each time. Then, when her hand touched something, a strong wave of energy traveled through her fingertips, up her arm across her chest and it finally reached her core. It was so sudden that it left her paralyzed for a few seconds.

Immediately, the young girl starting choking up "Grams?" she whispered but this time her voice had a fainting tone of hope.

This source of power was exactly like Grams', she could recognize that energy anywhere. She felt it many times when they practiced magic together, she felt it whenever they shared a warm embrace, she felt it when they helped Elena with her transition and she felt it back at the store but in a much lesser scale.

The density of Sheila's power was deep, its resonance was so heavy it could be felt from miles away, and right now, Bonnie could feel it clearly. It wasn't as strong as it could've been, she knew that much, but it was strong enough for her to immedtialy look for its source. It was strong enough to make her want to believe there was more than doom and gloom reserved for her.

Carefully, her caramel hands retrieved a small wooden box that anchored itself to the floor.

Bonnie wimpered and quickly tried to get it off the floor and onto the bed so that she could open it at once. However, much to her surprise, the object seemed to weight a ton. She bit her lip as she tried to lift it from its place but the damn thing wouldn't budge.

"Grams? A little help please?" she asked with a strained voice.

She continued to struggle with the box and left a frustrated sigh when she realized that Grams wasn't going to help her with it, she had to do it somehow. "This is ridiculous" she let out "What could possibly be in there to weight that much?"

Again, there wasn't any answer to her question. With slumped shoulders, the young Bennett stared at the object thinking; there was no way she'd able to move the box from that one spot, not the magic-free way at least.

But that doesn't mean I can't open it, she thought.

She sat by the box and, carefully, tried to open it. She blew off some serious steam when she found herself unable to open it. Damn it. This had to be some sort of test for sure and she was already failing miserably. She gave it another nudge however and still the box wouldn't open.

"Seriously?" she muttered under her breath "How am I supposed to open you?" she asked exhasperated. She fought to open it a little more and after many failed attempts, she finally sat back down tired. If only the stupid thing would work! Frustration wasn't even enough to describe what she was feeling right now. How was she supposed to access the box if the damn thing wasn't even letting her find out what it had inside?

Bonnie ran her hand through her hair exhasperated. Once again, she came to the realization that she relied on magic way too much, for she could easily recite the spell that would undo any lock in the world.

Fuck.

She started pacing again frustrated that she was now fighting a box. She suddenly stopped in her tracks and eyed the inanimated object. She went on her knees and carefully traced the details of the box with her slender fingers thinking. This was an alternative world and even though she didn't have her own magic, this place was still magical in a way. Emily's necklace was proof of it. Not only that but if this was truly Grams's voice that had been guiding her, then this box would also have some magic in it. If so, how could she open it? She couldn't exactly use Emily's necklace, she couldn't access her own magic and to make things worse, she couldn't move the box and take it to a hotspot of magic.

"Great" she muttered lowly. Out of habit, she touched her pendant as she tried to figure out a way, any way, to get that box open. There was a reason why Grams wanted her to do it and Bonnie wasn't going to let her grandmother down. Not this time and never again.

Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis, per Vasa Quo Errum Signos. Phasmatos selvus Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis, per Vasa Errum Quo Signos. Phasmatos selvus nos ex malom terra mora Vantis Quo Incandis per Vasa Quo Errum Signos. Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis.

The incantation flooded her mind easily and what happened next left the young girl dumbfounded. Her necklace started glowing and then it stopped as soon as she retrieved her hand. What was going on? Pacing again, her mind started working fast. Her pendant had never done that before – ever – so why did it start now and why? Could it be from this place or was it specifically Grams's house?

After finding out about her abilities, Bonnie became very well-versed in magical objects, however this particular pendant had been given to her by her father and he wanted nothing to do with the witchcraft world. So she never even considered that her necklace could be a magical amulet. It had never reacted to her magic before and now that she was devoid of it, she wasn't quite sure what triggered it to react that way.

Unless...

She recited the incantation again in her mind as she held the pendant inbetween her fingers. Soon enough, the object lit up. "Woah" she whispered "This is..." she let the sentence hang. Her mind was being bombarded with many thoughts but there was one that stood out as she stared at the box. Taking a deep breath, the young woman unclasped her necklace and rest it on top of the wooden box.

"Here goes nothing" she started "Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis, per Vasa Quo Errum Signos. Phasmatos selvus Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis, per Vasa Errum Quo Signos. Phasmatos selvus nos ex malom terra mora Vantis Quo Incandis per Vasa Quo Errum Signos. Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis"

She held her breath and then the box revealed itself to her. The lid lift up slowly and she smiled brightly. This felt like a big win and lately she hadn't had many of those. "I... I did it"

Exhaling once more, with more assurance, she peaked inside the box and was surprised to find its contents. The first thing she noticed was the color white, then the rectangular shape and it dawned on her that she was staring at envelopes. Her fingers itched to take one into her hands, so she did. Doubts and all. She took one of the envelopes and traced her finger across the word Bonnie.

Her heart fluttered and before she could find any excuse to stop herself before it was too late, she opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. It was a short one, filled with words written in what she knew for sure to be Sheila's beautiful and captivating handwritting. The tips of her fingers slided down the piece of paper slowly. She wanted to take her time with it. It had been so long since she had something to connect her to her grandmother, especially something so intimate and so fresh. So, she was not going to rush this moment at all. She'd let herself marinate in it before going head first into whatever it was Grams wrote her.

It is said that there's a lot that can be told just by looking at someone's handwriting. The way they shape certain words and place certain intentions, definitely give away some personality traits. Much like the way one walks. If they have a hunched and heavy stride, it may mean they're struggling mentally, if they walk with their heads down it is an indicator of one's insecurity and need to blend into the crowd, whereas someone with a proud stride might possess confidence or arrogance.

One's style of marking the paper is more intimate than most think, for it is a direct line between the controlled consciousness (and the unveiling of the subconscious) and the commonly lined destination. Its vehicle is, oftentimes, a pen or pencil and the movement of the wrist is free of any thought or discipline, it just flows as the sentiments flood the paper. Such strong emotions that can move the reader beyond the mountains and through storms. Bonnie was certain she was about to experience her own inner tsunami as she let her emerald eyes scan the first words.

Dear Bonnie,

Today is your first birthday. The first of many.

You're far too young to even comprehend these words but my hope is that sometime in the future you will.

Time is uncanny, it works in mysterious ways, but it is also extraordinary. It is that time that allowed me to witness your birth and your growth.

You are a blessing. The answer to our prayers and you are loved so, so much.

I pray that every corner of your beautiful life is filled with happiness and gratitude. I pray that you experience the most wonderful things in life. Love, friendship, happiness and peace.

I know you're going to become an amazing woman baby girl. You already are the best of us. A legacy that can never be broken.

On this first year on Earth, I give you my blessing. A blessing to cherish, to love and to cry. You can always come to me for anything that you need. My home is yours and so is my heart.

My dear and beautiful Bonnie, you are now about to start your own journey. Your small feet will soon guide you into your destiny – whatever it may be. Just know that I'll be by your side holding your hand until you can walk on your own.

Forever.

With love,

Sheila.

She didn't realize it yet but she was crying. Her chin quivered with emotion. She didn't know about this letter, actually she never knew about any of these letters. Grams never mentioned them, not even in passing. Still, she found it beautiful. It was one thing to know in her heart that Grams was the one person in her life that truly had her back, she was her constant in an ever-changing world, but coming across this letter added more depth to it.

She had Grams's blessing, and though she couldn't really put it into words now, she knew it meant more than anything in the world. That acknowledgement alone dissipated any and all doubts that the voice she had been hearing belong to Grams. She was certain now. A bond so genuine and so strong could surely move beyond dimensions, and through these letters, it could also move beyond time.

The young witch sniffed and chuckled lowly "I love you so much" as she looked up "So much"

Her small hands held on to the letter with a steel grip, though delicate enough not to break the paper. As far as she knew, these words were sacred and should be protected.

For the first time in what seemed to be forever, Bonnie Bennett could breathe a little better. Her chest was still heavy and plagued with a lot of emotions, but now, it was as if she had inhaled light and love. With each exhale, the darkness surrounding her heart seemed to let go a little bit.

Licking her pipin hot lips, Bonnie sat more comfortably on the floor and dared herself to take another letter. The comfort that she had from the first one embraced her wholly and she wanted to swim in. It was no secret that the last months had been absolute hell for the young Bennett. She was on the brink of collapse – if she hadn't already – so, this new feeling surely felt liberating. Like an escape almost. She had been surrounded by darkness and death, she deserved to bask in this newfound oasis. To hell with consequences and doubts.

Dear Bonnie,

You are extraordinary.

You are an amazing young girl and you are a Bennett. You may not know it now, or comprehend how important it is, but your last name carries weight.

We Bennett's are fighters, and you child, you are a fighter untill the end.

Times may be confusing now, there are a lot of things that you don't understand but don't worry, with time, you'll learn everything. You are blossoming into your true self and that is a lot to do deal with as teenager, which is why I'm hoping these letters will serve as a guide whenever you feel lost or confused and I'm not there with you.

Now, don't be alarmed child, we've been having our sessions like usual but I know you, young one. This should serve as a confirmation that you can and should come to me whenever you need to find answers.

I was a young girl confused once, so I can imagine how you must feel. Things change fast and so does time. You start thinking about the future and what it entails, or maybe not. This is the time to be confused and carefree. It's the time to make mistakes and make them again.

Go on bravely child, follow your heart and your desires wherever they may take you. However, do so with balance. Remember, without balance we are nothing but the edges of ourselves. Be the balance, find it and hold it.

I will leave you with this piece of advice, trust your instincts Bonnie, you are more illuminated that you give yourself credit for. Trust yourself and everything else will fall into place.

With love,

Sheila.

There was another tear that stained the paper, right on top of the word illuminated. Her first instinct was to try and dry it carefully, but she stopped that action at the last minute. Maybe she was going insane but the fact that the teardrop fell on that particular word had to mean something. Right? Maybe she was looking way too much into things, but she wasn't expecting to find these words and maybe a shred of hope, so she was going to hold onto to it.

Bonnie wasn't sure exactly when Sheila had written that letter but she could guess it had been sometime around the summer when she first started noticing she could do unique things. The summer before Stefan decided to pop back into town.

She remembered it like it had happened yesterday. At first, it was just small things. Like she would pick up her phone literally a second before her dad called, or whenever Elena sneaked off to the cemetery to write and get some alone time, Bonnie would know exactly where she was when Matt came looking for his girlfriend. Then, it progressed into her randomly guessing where things were. Like that time she was at the library looking with the intention of looking for a particular book and she just knew where it was, or when they went to Tyler's for a final throw down before school started and she guessed where the good alcohol was.

However, it was when she started having these moments where she'd just zone out and go somewhere else that had her slightly worried. She went from zoning out here and there for a few seconds, to not knowing what'd happened in specific chunks of time. Once she came out of it, she'd be alright physically, but there was that sensation just underneath her skin that alarmed her to say the least.

The last time it happened, or one of the times she remembered it vividly, she had meant to go to Elena's. It was no secret that the doppleganger was struggling since the accident and Bonnie thought she'd go over and give her support. Elena had always been there for her and Bonnie couldn't imagine not returning the favor. Elena had lost all of her light lately, she was just a ghost of herself. So, Bonnie quickly packed an overnight bag and hurriedly left her bedroom, but as soon as she closed the door the strangest thing happened, she blacked out but it was different this time. It was like she was just floating counsciousness deep within herself. She wasn't aware of her surroundings but she was somewhat at ease, if anything, she was curious. Then, she felt a tingling sensation starting at the extremities of her body, going up her limbs and finally wrapping around her core. It felt warm and unknown, yet, she knew it was her. She couldn't tell how long she stayed in that state of newfound awareness, it was like she was in a dream but she was suddenly woken up by Jenna who greeted her with a "Oh, hey Bonnie! Come on in."

The young Bennett blinked a couple of times assessing the situation. She didn't remember leaving her house, let alone driving her car and knocking on the Gilbert's door. How she managed to do all of that and come out unscathed was a mystery, however she didn't have time to dwell on it as Elena came down the stairs to greet her with a sad smile.

Bonnie knitted her eyebrows; those were simpler times and somehow terrifying. None of them knew just how much their lives were about to change in a couple of weeks. She had no idea how much she and Elena would play into said change.

Sighing sadly, Bonnie wondered what their life would look like now if the Salvatores had never come back at all. The most obvious thing was that they would all be human, well all but herself and Tyler that were already supernaturals to begin with. Nevertheless, their group would be normal and that meant ordinarily boring lives, but also lives filled with possibilities, not blood and death at every corner.

Matt, despite all the bullshit he went through at home, would probably be the one of the very few granted a scholarship based on his sports achievements in high school. Before all of this started, she and Matt had been pretty close and once he and Elena were broken up, he told her that he wanted to leave Mystic Falls when they graduated.

"I don't know Bon, she doesn't want anything anymore"

"I know Matt and I'm sorry" she said with a sympathethic tone "It's just everything's still very fresh with her, you know?"

Blue eyes stayed glued to the Grill's table "I know that and I know I'm an asshole for even saying this but it sucks. You know how much I like her"

Yes, that she did know. Matt told her he was crushing on Elena before he built up enough courage to ask her out.

"And with my mom taking off again and Vicky being... well, Vicky, I just don't feel like spending the rest of my life stuck here" he continued "I know I'm never going to be much of anything but I don't want to work my way up to Manager here at the Grill and have that small town life. I just don't see it for me, at least not anymore"

"Don't sell yourself short Matty, you're a great player and I know your grades are fine otherwise I'd kick your ass. Plus, I'm sure that'll be more than enough to get into any college of your choice" she said softly with her hand over his "And you're not nothing. I know it hurts now and you don't see it just yet but you're an amazing guy and an even better friend, any girl would be lucky to date you" she ended with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes "Not El–" he stopped as Bonnie glared at him "Nevermind"

"That's what I thought" she said proudly.

He sighed deeply before he spoke up again "I know it's corny but you're a girl so I'm allowed to be corny with you"

"Your secret's safe with me Donovan"

He smiled "Thanks Bennett, I owe you"

"You can pay me back another time"

"Deal" she agreed.

Matt huffed as if he was about to unleash the world's most kept secret "Thing is I just don't want any girl, as crazy and completely sappy as it is, I want someone good, you know? I mean, I've seen the poor excuses of men mom used to bring over the years and you know my dad bailed the first chance he got. I don't want something meaningless and, yeah, we're young and all but I'm tired of the random hookups, I want something real"

Bonnie smiled. She could relate to almost everything he said. It was very normal to want someone to love them genuinely and deeply, to have a bond that went beyond the physical. She too craved it. In her seventeen years of life she had never been the one boys looked at, at least not at first. They always noticed Elena or Caroline first and she got used to that. Truly, she did. There was no resentment on her part just a wish to be seen, to be the girl asked out, to have someone talk about her the way Matt talked about Elena.

"I thought I had that with Elena" he said with a small voice.

When he grew quiet, Bonnie took her chance "I don't think it's corny to want to be loved, like truly loved. To have someone that appreciates you, even on your bad hair days or when you're just not in the mood to face the world. I think it makes us feel a little less lonely" her voice lowered as she opened up to her friend "And I totally understand where you're coming from. If there's something I'm almost a master at is the lack of parental guidance and support, you know that"

He nodded cause he did know. There were many movies nights spent at Bonnie's because her dad was never home and he didn't want to deal with his mom.

"About Elena, I think it's like you said; we're too young. We're too young to even know what true love feels like, I think. I mean, yeah, I guess we have a pretty good idea of what it should feel like. We get it from movies and love songs, but to actual feel it? I think now's the time we're supposed to find out about it. Or at least that's what all the teen novels say. We're supposed to find out what love is at seventeen, not have it all figured out by then"

"Sometimes I think you're too wise for your age" he said after mulling over her words.

"Comes with the package" she shrugged.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the 'Bennett Package', comes with CPR, sense of humor, pop culture knowledge, and now, a love guru feature"

She giggled "And a Prius"

"How could I forget the Prius?" he said dramatically.

"And if it's of any consolation, I would totally date you Matt Donovan"

"That would be my biggest pleasure Bonnie Bennett" He broke out into a smile "Thanks for the pep talk"

She shrugged "No problem at all, that's what I'm here for, to help one friend at a time"

"And that's why dinner's on me"

"You're crazy if you think I'm actually going to take up on that offer"

"Why not?" he countered "Come on Bon, you never let me pay for anything and you've been like my therapist the entire summer" yeah, she had been the one consoling him about the breakup but that's what friends did and Matt was one of her best friends.

"Yeah but that's part of the contract. It's actually written in there right under 'give Bonnie a lift whenever her car breaks down because she doesn't want to face the mechanic again' clause"

"Of course" he said easily "Then how else would you get to school and beat all of us at being Mystic Falls High perfect student? You three hold that record"

By you three he meant her, Caroline and Elena – the unseparable trio.

"And Tyler weirdly enough" she added with a laugh.

"Well Mayor Lockwood would kick his ass if he didn't" Matt retorted "That and I'm pretty sure coach Tanner wouldn't allow him to be on the team if he at least didn't have decent grades"

He got a point there "And now he's your new bestie" she teased.

"You're my only bestie. Besides, you're the only one I buy dinner to, or try to"

"That's cause I know all your secrets"

He was about to contradict that statement but he stopped at the last second "You know what? You're not that wrong. You're the one that knows me the best"

It was weird to think how close she and Matt used to be. It's not that they weren't friends now but with sacrifices, funerals and plots, the lines became a little blurred. What was once an iron-clad bond had now succumbed to a faint version of what they used to be. Sure, they still cared about each other a lot and there was still a lot of trust between them, but the closeness they used to have was gone. The shared jokes and the light-hearted moments were a rarity now. If she wasn't saving his life, then they'd both be in on a Damon-elaborated plan, and that said a lot as far as their friendship went.

There were a lot of times that she wanted to just reach out to him and try to get back to what they once had but there was always something in the middle. Mostly, it was her trying to shield him from the supernatural world. Not that she succeeded at it but it was no secret how much Matt hated the supernatural and it was clear he wanted no part in it. Sadly, because she was a Bennett witch and this was Mystic Falls, she was always somehow tied to the supernatural element and if he wanted to try and live as much of a normal life as he could, then who was she to stop him?

Back then, he wanted to get out, to leave Mystic Falls and start anew somewhere else. She'd like to imagine that he would go to University of Georgia and hopefully get in the football team. He definitely had the talent and the drive to make it.

Which now that she thought about it, so did Tyler. Despite his temper and him being a complete jackass when they were freshmen, Tyler was another really good player and it was clear that he wanted to make it pro, so it made sense that he would leave this town. She wasn't sure what he'd want out of life besides football because they stopped hanging out a little over a year ago, but she could see him in a big city for sure.

Jeremy would either be in Chicago or California and get into an arts school. He was the kind of person that liked the laid-back lifestyle and New York would be too busy for him. He would've finished high school on time, she wouldn't have to resurect him twice for that to happen.

Just then, she thought, where would they fit in this alternative plot? Would there even be a they? Would she and Jeremy ever bond like that if it weren't for the supernatural?

As tragic as it was, Bonnie could now admit that she only started noticing Jeremy, truly noticing him, when they banded together to protect Elena from Katherine and her evil plans. Up until that point, he'd always been Elena's kid brother, he'd been in love with Anna and used to use drugs as an escape. That was about it. Other than those known facts, Bonnie Bennett had never even considered looking at the younger Gilbert as more than that. Yet, somewhere and somehow, they went from being allies to buddies and to lovers in less than a year and it made her dizzy.

Things happened so fast she never had the chance to slow down and take in everything that was going on. The reality was, none of them did. If they weren't fighting for their lives then they were still trying to make their lives worth something. Or maybe, that was their way of trying to hold on to normalcy in what had become the horror show that was their life. Honestly, going to school and having to hand in assignements was a much welcomed change. Putting a paper together was easy, it didn't involve scheming or rituals and it definitely didn't involve the Salvatores. It was something that every teenager in the world could relate to. It was normal.

Sadly, looking at where she was now, it seemed as if it all had been a waste.

Shaking her dark thoughts away, the young woman got back on track. Jeremy, that's who she was thinking about and he just slipped out of her mind so easily.

Shamelessly, that had been happening more and more ever since she was ressurected as the anchor. She loved Jeremy and he loved her back, but after her latest realization regarding their relationship, Bonnie knew this was more than a sign to let him go. He'd always be her first love, her first relationship, and she would forever cherish that connection but, looking back, she understood that they had both grown out of it.

Another thing she realized was that it was Jeremy's genuine interest in her magic beyond plans and devices, that made them grow closer. That and the fact that he was pissed off at Elena. Back then he was the one going out of his way to find her, to search for her in a crowd and to be there. He wanted her company. It took her a while to realize what was happening, it took her even longer to admit to herself that she liked it. She liked the attention and she felt guilty for it.

Honestly, her year so far (and pitifully the ones before that) had been very... bizarre in the guy department. Or rather a cruel joke with an even worse punch line. The only two candidates she'd had up until then had been Ben Mckittrick who turned out to be a vampire and Luka Martin whose father was working for Klaus. They were both dead now. So, when Jeremy seemed so eager to want to get to know her – really know her – it tugged at her heartstrings and she wasn't strong enough to walk away.

But that wasn't the only reason, she knew that. Now, with just herself and after a few epiphanies, Bonnie knew that her heart had been lonely. She wanted the love, the romance and the breathtaking kisses. She was so used to experiencing those through her friends that when it happened to her she couldn't deny it anymore. She chose to be selfish and to live that romance.

She had a small smile. At least that was one decision she got to make for herself without having to have everyone else chiming in.

Sighing, she closed that chapter and thought about her two best friends.

Caroline, with her bubbly self and her sharp eye for fashion would be a fashion designer or an architect; she was very skilled at both, or an events planner. This time, Bonnie's smile had traces of joy in it. Her blonde friend was a particular case. Before her vampire status, Caroline could be overbearing and overcompensating, not to Bonnie directly (she'd always been a sweetheart to her) but to Elena whom she'd been in a one-sided competition with. It then dawned on her, would she and Caroline be so close if it weren't for her vampirism? They'd been friends all their lives but no one could deny that the connection they shared after she was turned was stronger, realer. Up until then, their relationship could be classed as juvenile, mostly due to Caroline wanting to know everything that Elena was doing and wanting to be a part of their sisterhood. Still, would they ever drop the facades and be vulnerable with one another had it not been for that important fact?

In any case, they would still remain friends. That was a fact.

Just like Tyler, Caroline belonged in a big city. She was an ambitious person and she knew how to work around any obstacle. Caroline Forbes was a force to be reckoned with and Bonnie was sure she'd have conquered the world by now.

She sighed deeply as she thought about Elena. Her brunette friend would've still pursued a career as a doctor, but she too would leave Mystic Falls. Unlike the rest of her friends, Bonnie wasn't sure where exactly the doe eyed girl would end up at. She was a chamaleon, she fit a big city but she was also a small town girl at heart. There was a time where Bonnie would've known the answer easily, it would've come to her flowing, but now after everything, she just wasn't so sure. One thing she knew is that she missed her best friend. Not the latest version but the one from before, that was the girl she found herself missing the most. Maybe it wasn't fair to think of Elena like this but she didn't feel guilty about it. She was done justifying her emotions to everyone, including herself. She'd been through too much not to allow herself that.

Taking a deep breath she thought, what about me? Where would I be?

Alive, for starters. She'd probably travel the world after she graduated college and had her first book published in the years to follow. Hopefully she'd find the significant other and build a life together with him. Beyond the surface though, on a deeper level, she would still be a witch and more importantly, she'd have Grams with her. She wouldn't have to grieve her premature departure. She'd have three more years of memories, laughs and endless conversations stored in her memories.

Right then, she was thrown back to her current predicament making the young witch extremely aware of her surroundings. She was still sat on the floor in Grams' room with that second letter in her hand. The teardrop had already dried up now but it definitely change the paper's texture in that one place. It was more delicate now. Precious.

Carefully, her hand reached out and retrieved another letter from the box. For some reason, this felt different than the previous two. She couldn't quite pinpoint it but there was something different for sure.

Dear Bonnie,

I'm writing you this letter with a mix of emotions in my heart. Pride, for having the pleasure to watch you blossom into the beautiful woman you are today. Joy, because for a while there, we formed our very own coven. Regret, for all of the hugs and kisses that I didn't get to give you. Sadness, not because it is my time to go but because time itself is selfish, it doesn't care about what we think, what our plans or what we have to do. It just is.

I want you to understand that Bonnie. Time does as time will always do. No one can control it, no one can bend it and no one can escape it.

I've had a wonderful life child, filled with love, joy and happiness, so I am not afraid to go. After all, we are Bennett witches; we are fearless, we are strong, but most of all, we're family. You're my blood Bonnie and that means that I'll watch over you wherever you are. I know that things are too complicated right now, too unfair but keep your head up high my love, you are not alone and you will never be. There are many more things that I wish I could teach you, many more conversations to be had but I know in my heart that we'll end up having them, one way or the other.

A love like ours isn't restrained by the limits of what we perceive to be reality, it is not confined by power or fear. It flows eternally and it's that current that binds us together Bonnie. The love we have for each other. You are my only granddaughter and my biggest gift to the world. We will never be parted, not for long. If you search deep within your heart you'll find me there, and it'll be the best home one could have. I am honored to have had you in my life Bonnie, nothing will ever change that.

The second thing I need you to know is that I am not afraid. I am not afraid of death for it is only a rite of passage to another way of life. A different one. We are magical, yes, but we are also energy agglomerated in this human form. The body may perish but the energy – the soul – it lives on forever. It has light and it's magnetic. As you know, some people transform when they go through this passage I, however, am confident that my transformation will be painless. I can feel it already. I feel it in my bones and in my heart, which is why I'm using these last moments to write to you before I go on that deep slumber. I don't want to worry my dear, I am going to be fine. The tea you brought over did wonders, it soothed my spirit and it gave me strength to give you one final letter. I know you'll find it in due time. I am not in a rush. I trust you baby girl.

The third thing you need to know is that you are strong Bonnie. I know it won't feel like you are, and you'll probably think that for a while but you are the strongest person I know. This strength you possess has very little to do with your magic, it's your character that makes you such a compelling and strong person. You are incredibly smart and you don't give up easily; you keep going not because you refuse to believe that you can't make it, but because you know how far you can go. You have the courage to love and to give to others. It is a very uncommon trait. You vibrate passion for the things you love and you are able to move mountains for the people you love. It's one of the things I admire about you. You care and you do so deeply.

I've always noticed that, ever since you were a little girl you'd share your toys with the other children without thinking twice. You'd help them. Such a bright young woman that you are. It's impossible for me not to swell up with pride. My Bonnie. With that said, I want you to learn how to care, not only for others but mostly for yourself my darling. You deserve to be cared for deeply and genuinely. You deserve to be happy my child. Never forget that.

The last thing I want you to know is that what happened wasn't your fault. You haven't said it but I know you feel it. You shouldn't burden yourself with things that happened because they were out of our control. I know it doesn't feel that way but it's the truth. I went in that tomb understanding what magic could do and how it could react to us. I didn't go into it blindly my child, I knew the risks and chose to go because I wanted to. It was my choice and I take full responsibility for it. Magic is a very fickle thing, it doesn't always work like we want it to, it doesn't always respond to our commands because as powerful as we may be, magic itself is more powerful than any of us. It's free flowing energy, it does as it wants.

Much like time, it doesn't respond to rhime or reason, it just is. We, as witches, are conductors of that energy; we are able to harbour it in our DNA, we can manipulate it and conjure up powerful spells, but at the end of the day, when we're battling magic itself there's not a lot that we can do. This isn't to say there aren't witches who haven't won such battles, there are but they're also extremely rare. I digress. The point is, sometimes we can't at all control the outcome and we can't predict the future. What happened isn't your fault, my departure of this world rests solely on my shoulders baby girl, and I am at peace with that. I am Bonnie. I don't blame you at all for how tonight went, you were never the one to blame young one.

If anything, your pureness and your bravery were the only things that were brought over to the forefront tonight. And you were so brave my love, I know you wanted to help and you did the best you could baby girl. I leave knowing that I have raised an extraordinary woman. Don't let your heart swell up with blame and guilt, it's irrelevant now to think about what could've been done and why it happened in the first place. We can't change the past, you know that darling, and sometimes we don't get answers at all.

The 'why' doesn't matter now, it's pointless to try and drive ourselves insane over that one little word. I know it's only human, and you haven't been on this Earth for long, but trust me child, the 'why' doesn't matter. I want you to focus on the times we spent together baking and all of the words we shared because, now that I'm about to leave, those are the memories I'm taking with me. Your beautiful smile and the sound of your voice. The 'why' doesn't factor in the equation at all, it's a very dangerous weapon and we, Bonnie, are light and strength. We are Bennett's.

We will find each other again my love, we will share a hug again and it'll be beautiful. Until then, I want you to live a prosperous life. I want you to find love and joy and happiness. I want you to create memories and to see the world, just like you told me. Your journey is just starting and I hope it's the most beautiful journey you have. I'll be watching over you my sweet, you will never be alone.

I love you my Bonnie, nothing will ever change that.

Sheila.

She stared at the letter for a long time before she finally broke down in tears.


Two Days Ago

Damon.

It echoed through Bree's. No one was there but him which was probably a good thing because all he could see right now was Elena. She was sitting by the bar next to him, her hair straight and long like a river, her brown eyes deep with love and her delicate lips parted as she whispered I love you.

Maybe he was too inebriated or maybe he just didn't care anymore, but that sight, the sight of her did absolute wonders for his mind. She was beautiful and she was a dream that he wanted to get lost in. He wanted to go deeper into the wonders Elena Gilbert had to offer. He wanted to explore all of the hidden corners and find the unknown parts of her, the ones she hid from the world but was now willing to share with him.

He wasn't going to apologize for it either. He had the right to be happy and they were happy, truly happen.

He smirked as he took in all of her details "Damn you are gorgeous" he whispered.

He was so drawn to her that he just looking at her wasn't enough anymore, he had to feel her, he had to touch her skin. His pale hand soon made its way to her face and caress her cheek like he'd done a million times before. Her eyes closed and she leaned in to the touch. They both craved it. When he finally reached her, she disintegrated into a million glowing particles.

The Salvatore blinked a couple of times as he watched her disappear right in front of his ocean eyes. His mouth hang open and he didn't even have time to fully register what'd happened when someone else took Elena's place.

"Hello Damon"


A/N: Hello my angels. First of all, happy new year! Hope you've had a blessed season and are ready to tackle this new year with a renewed energy. I also want to thank everyone that followed and favorited this story. You are all very much appreciated!

With that said, I want to talk you candidly about what's been going on for the past months. So, as I've said before my work load as increased a whole lot, to the point where when my muse struck up and I wanted to write, I wouldn't have the time to do it and then when I did, I was writing entire scenes and deleting them because they weren't at all coming up right. This cycle went on for months. I've started working on this chapter back in late october/early november so it's been a battle. Inbetween that I got incredibly burnt out. It was very difficult to try and get this chapter out while still maintaining the quality that I've been giving you guys. On top of that, I was feeling guilty for not being able to give you a new chapter and also trying to balance my work and my personal life. But, thankfully, my muse struck up again during Christmas and I've managed to complete this chapter. I do appreciate all the patience, I know it can be very frustrating waiting for a long period of time. I am going to be very busy this month so hoepfully I'll be back with another update in february, keyword hopefully.

Alright, now onto the characters. Again, they are still separated but it won't be for long. I just think there are some things they both needed to deal with on their own before we could move things along. Bonnie finally found what Grams wanted (or did she?) and so we got a few letters. She has a lot to digest, it hasn't been at all an easy ride but she'll make it. I always planned to have these letters be found by Bonnie because we haven't really gotten the chance to look at Sheila's side of things, and she only shows up when there's an issue to be solved which is... anyways, I also wanted Bonnie to be reassured of how much she's loved by her grandmother. She's been alone for a long time and it's easy to forget that she's loved. Also, is it just me or did the writers completely forget that Bonnie and Matt used to be best friends? I know that I forgot about until I started working on this chapter again. Weird.

Damon, Damon, Damon... He's got a loooong way to go. I really liked writing his flashback from his perspective. We usually see Damon relying on his vampirism to wreack havoc and I wanted to go deeper, to a time before Katherine and see what could've happened there. He's still very in love with Elena and he thinks that's a healthy love *eye roll* but hopefully we'll be able to understand why he is so dependent and obsessive when it comes to her and why Katherine was able to manipulate him.

Alright that was a long note but it's been a long time. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter and keep reading this little fic. Also, excuse any mistakes or typos. Stay safe xx