The next day is Christmas Eve, and Lily and I are sitting in her room, talking. Lady is upstairs with us, lying against Lily's leg. I am rubbing Lady's belly while Lily rubs her ears and jowls. Petunia recently painted Lady's nails red and green. Lady is having the time of her life.
"My dad was sober for a few months," I say, not looking at Lily.
"Was?"
"Yeah. He was s'posed to get promoted and didn't, so he came home from the bar real mad."
"Why?"
"I dunno. It don't matter," I say as I shift my position to avoid stretching the welts on my back left by my father's belt, "He said I distracted him too much, and then him and my mum had a big fight."
"Oh, Sev, I'm so sorry. I know you were really looking forward to him getting that promotion," Lily says and embraces me. I squirm away from her hands on my back, "What's wrong? Do you not like it when I hug you anymore?"
"It's not that, it's just that he whooped me real bad last night," I mumble.
"What do you mean? Like you got spanked?"
"No," I murmur, "he used his belt."
"To hit you? That's terrible!"
"Yeah. Must be nice to be a girl— my mum says you don't whoop girls."
"My dad's never hit me with his belt, so I guess so!"
"He only makes me take my shirt off when he's drunk, though, and he hits harder when he's drunk, too."
"Does that happen a lot?"
I shrug.
"Gosh, Sev, that's awful!"
"It could be worse. He wasn't as bad as usual last night, but I'm still pretty bruised up. I only got a couple cuts this time, though."
"You want me to clean them off for you?" Lily asks.
"I guess. If you want," I mumble, petting Lady.
Lily stands up, grabs some rubbing alcohol and a washcloth from the bathroom, closes her bedroom door, and I take my shirt off. Lily gasps when she sees my back, and says, "Sev, it looks terrible! How could he do this to you?"
I shrug, and say, "He says whooping's the only way to get kids to behave, and he said I was bad, so he whooped me. He said I distracted him, that's why he didn't get promoted."
"That doesn't make sense," Lily shakes her head, and begins rubbing my back, "how could you distract him? You don't go to work with him!"
"Ow, Lily! Don't rub like that!" I yelp as she rubs one of the welts on my back.
"Sorry! What do you want me to do then?"
"You gotta be gentle! If you rub, it'll make it even worse," I whisper.
Suddenly, we hear a knock on her bedroom door.
"What are you two doing in there?" Petunia calls out from the hallway.
"Keep your voice down, Tuney!" Lily calls out, "I'm just helping Sev clean off a couple of cuts!"
"If you don't open this door, I'm gonna tell mum and dad!" Petunia says through the door. I throw my shirt back on as Lily, red-faced and teeming with anger, stands up and throws open the door.
"What's your problem?!" Lily whisper-yells at Petunia, "Sev has a few cuts, and I was helping clean them off! What's so wrong about that?! Here! You can even see the rubbing alcohol and the washcloth!"
"And you needed to close the door to do that?" Petunia sneers.
"You close your door all the time when you have friends over!" Lily's voice is rising.
"Lily," I mutter, "keep your voice down!"
Petunia laughs, "Yeah, you freak! That's because none of them are boys!"
"Shut up," Lily growls.
Suddenly realizing what Petunia is insinuating, I laugh, and say, "Me and Lily are just friends, Petunia! It's not like we're in here kissing, and if that's what you think, then you should get your mind out of the gutter!"
This time it's Petunia's turn to be flush, "You are the most obnoxious, exasperating, nastiest excuse for a human being I've ever met in my life!" she yells, and stomps off down the stairs.
Lily and I exchange glances as we hear the muffled noises of Petunia's conversation with Lily's mum downstairs, then footsteps that stop at the foot of the stairs.
"Girls, we don't need to be fighting right before Christmas! Lily, Severus, come downstairs, please!" Lily's mum yells up the stairs. Lily and I embarrassedly traipse back down the stairs, and I sit on the stairs as Lily's mum hugs her, saying, "Petunia's right, sweetheart, even if you two are just friends, there's no reason for your door to be closed."
"I promise we weren't doing anything, mum!" Lily whines, "Sev just had some cuts that I was cleaning for him!"
"Oh, you're hurt, Severus? I can help you with that! You should have asked me!" Lily's mum exclaims, turning to me.
"No!" I exclaim, then in a lower voice, I say, "No, ma'am, I'm fine. Lily took care of it. It's fine. I promise!" When Lily opens her mouth to speak, I glare covertly at her, and she shuts her mouth.
"If you're sure, then that's fine. Why don't you two come spend some time down here by the fire and make some crafts or help me with the cooking? Petunia's going to bake some almond cookies, right Petunia? Perhaps you'd like to help her!" Mrs. Evans says.
I look at Lily. She's glaring at Petunia, and Petunia is glaring back, so I say, "It don't matter to me. I'm happy to help."
With everybody calm, Mrs. Evans heads back to the kitchen, still holding Lily's hand and pulling her along.
"I don't need your help, you freak!" Petunia whispers to me as I follow Lily.
I just sneer at her. I don't need to waste my time with some ugly, nasty muggle anyway.
For the rest of the day, we sit by the fire, pet Lady, read our books, craft things to give as gifts, and help Lily's mum bake and prepare food for Christmas Eve. I make Lily an angel ornament for her tree and write her a letter. I write Lucius, my mum, and my dad cards, cut out and decorate a big letter "E" for my mum to put on her bedside cabinet, and draw a picture of my dad and me fishing for my dad.
Dear Mum,
I love you and I wish you were arownd mor but I now you gotta work real hard. Please stay safe wile Im at Lilys and Lucius houses. I hope youre hedakes get beter. I dekorated you this leter so you kin put it on youre bedside kabnet and it will remind you of how good of a mum you are. If you ever get sad you kin play with my strang rok colection if you want. Its by my matres. Merry Christmas.
Love,
Severus
Dear Dad,
I hope someday you git you're promoshin. I know you work real hard to help suport me and mum. I hope that durin sumer break you kin take me fishin like you use to. It was real fun. I'm sorry I aint good all the time and that I made you mad. I tried real hard to be good tho I promis! I had a good time playin cards with you over brake and I hope we kin do that agin next time. Thank you for buyin me mcdonalds.
Love,
Rus
Lily promises to walk with me to my house tomorrow on Christmas Eve so that I can run in and put the presents and the letters on my mum and dad's bedside cabinets. I told my mum that I would leave them there so that she would know where to look. She told me she would leave my card and presents on my mattress. During supper, the Evans' talk a lot. Even Petunia seems happy for once. I think it is the Christmas spirit. I tell them that my family went to church last Sunday for the first time in a couple of years. They seem to know I am proud, and tell me that that's wonderful, and that they wish they could go to their old church more often, but it's so far away they don't usually have time to get there before the service starts. I tell them that they could go to my old church if they want to. They say that that's a great idea, even though I know they don't want to go there. Lady begs under the table. Occasionally Lily and I throw her scraps of chicken. When Mrs. Evans catches us, she scolds us, saying that Lady is already getting too chubby and that we need to stop feeding her so many treats. Petunia seems happy to see us getting in trouble. I give her a dirty look when nobody's looking.
The next day, Lily comes to my house with me. I give her a tour because I am proud of all the hard work I did trying to make the house look decent. She tells me I did a good job, says it looks real nice, and, careful not to touch my back, gives me a hug. We go upstairs to my bedroom, and I find the card my dad wrote, a pair of green gloves with a matching hat, a new pack of cards, and an old pair of kid's leather boots that look to be about my size!
Rus,
It was good seeing you this week. Your getting pretty good at cards! Maybe this summer Ill take you fishing again and well play some more cards. Hopefully now that your gone Ill have time to focus on work and to get that promoshin. It's hard for me when your here cause I get real distrakted and tired. I rekon I might have been a little hard on you last night, so how bout I take you to McDonalds to make up for it next time your here? I got you a new pack of cards and I found them boots at the donation center. Your mum said you needed some new shoes. I hope they fit you okay.
Merry Christmas,
Dad
Eyes a little wet, I carefully tuck the Christmas cards, my new pack of cards, and my gloves into the pockets of my coat, then I put on my hat and try on my new boots. The laces are pretty worn down, soles are worn a little thin, and they smell funny. They're a little big, but not too bad. They feel like heaven compared to how tiny and worn down my old shoes were! After that, we go to my parents' bedroom to put their gifts on their bedside cabinets. On the walk home, we are both silent. I know Lily read the letters my mum and dad left over my shoulder. I know she pities me for my house and my situation. I just want to disappear.
Before I go to bed, I write Lily and Mr. and Mrs. Evans cards and place them under the tree.
When I wake up the next morning, I find that Lady has been sleeping on my bed with me. I cuddle close to her and fall back to sleep for a little while before Lily comes running down the stairs to wake me up. When we get to the living room, I gasp. I've never seen so many wrapped boxes in my life! It looks like a scene from the picture book my mum used to let me read while she shopped at the donation center. There are presents for everybody, even Lady! Since I didn't make a card or anything for Petunia, I wish her a merry Christmas and shake her hand. She doesn't make eye contact with me, and she lets go of my hand as quickly as she can. I feel anger boiling inside of me, but firmly push it back down. Someday I think I'm going to explode from all the pent up anger inside of me. Lily really likes the angel ornament I made her while we were crafting, and even pretends to be surprised. Mr. and Mrs. Evans also like the ornament I made for them. When they all read their cards, they hug me and tell me thank you. Lily says she's gonna keep her card forever.
When it is time for me to go home, I put on my boots, hat, and gloves, and pack the new white button-down shirt the Evans' gave me in one of the present boxes. I hug and kiss Lady goodbye, shake Petunia's hand, and hug Mrs. Evans. She hugs me tight, and the last thing I smell before walking out the door with Mr. Evans is her wonderful perfume. Someday I'm going to buy that perfume for my mum.
"Rus? I thought you were gone."
"No, sir— I'm only gonna be here for tonight then I'll be gone!"
"Don't you talk back to me, boy! You got some nerve lyin' to me!"
"No, sir! I swear I ain't lyin' to you! My friend's pickin' me up tomorrow! I promise!" As I speak, I start edging back to the door.
"You know what, boy? It's always your goddamn fault! Everytime I see you I get distracted and then I can't get that promotion and it's your fault!"
"I'm sorry!"
"YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU GODDAMN KID! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO BEHAVE?!" He throws his empty whiskey bottle down and it smashes on the floor. As he rises unsteadily from the couch, I consider running, but where would I go? Mr. Evans is probably long gone, and even if he were still here, he would want to know why I was running back out. As my dad stumbles towards me, taking his belt off, I sink to the floor, back to the wall, face to my knees and arms covering my head. He grabs my wrist, hauls me up, and backhands me across the right side of my face, "TAKE YOUR FUCKIN' SHIRT OFF— I GUESS YOU STILL AIN'T LEARNED YOUR LESSON!"
"Please! Dad, please no! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I plead, "Please no!"
He grabs my shirt and yanks it over my head, grabs my hair, and jerks me around to face the wall. The skin on my back, still bruised and broken from Monday, screams in protest as he whips me. Sobbing, muscles shaking, I squeeze my eyes shut and bite my lip. When the blood from my back begins to drip down my sides, he tosses his belt onto the table, grabs my bruised arm, and throws me to the floor. The side of my head hits the floor with a crack, and I yelp in pain. A loud ringing noise fills my head. I know my dad is screaming at me, but I can't understand what he's saying through the pain and ringing in my ears. He kneels down and begins beating me, but by the time he finally thinks I've learned my lesson, I've already passed out.
"Severus, wake up! You need to clean off your face before Lucius comes to pick you up!" My mum's voice feels like nails in my head.
I slowly open my eyes. I'm laying on the couch, but I don't know how I got there, "Can I have a potion, mum?" I ask, slowly sitting up. My throat and mouth are so dry that speaking feels strange, "My head got hit on the floor and it hurts real bad."
"You know where to find them. I'm running out, but you can have one," my mum sighs, "I don't have time to take you to St. Mungo's today! Why did your father have to choose last night to make such a fuss?!"
I don't respond.
My mum violently grabs the broom and dustpan and begins aggressively sweeping the broken glass up from the floor, "Do you think Lucius would have time to take you to get your potion? You could just tell him you fell down the stairs, or something."
"I guess I can ask."
"That would be best. Are you going to get up and clean off your face and get ready to go, or are you just going to sit there like a slug? You know, you're not the only one your father gets angry with. He came upstairs in such a temper last night because you were so disrespectful to him when you got home! It's not my fault you don't behave! Maybe he's a bit hard on you, but it could be worse! You're lucky you have parents who work so hard! Your father tries his best! And he moved you to the couch this morning before he left for work! He tries his best to be a good father. You know that, right?"
I just nod. I want to tell her that I didn't do anything wrong, and that all I did was say I would only be back for one night, but I know she wouldn't believe me. She'd say that I was being disrespectful by lying about what happened, and that I deserved to be punished for being bad. I stand up shakily, grab my shirt from the floor and pull it on. I drink some water from the tap, and go to the medicine cabinet to get a headache potion. I drink it quickly, and as the pain in the side of my head dissipates, I brush my teeth and wash the blood off my face. I don't look at my back in the mirror. I know I should take a shower before Lucius comes, but it's cold inside the house, and I can't bear the thought of taking a cold shower today, "Has dad fixed the water heater? Or can you fix it before you leave real quick please?" I call to her from the bathroom.
"He hasn't had time, and I've already told you I don't know how these muggle contraptions work. I've tried casting Reparo on it before, and it worked for a couple weeks, then it broke again. Plus, your father didn't know how it got fixed, and he was suspicious, so I would rather just let him do it."
"Okay."
"I need to leave for work. Have a good time with the Malfoys. Behave yourself— you don't want to make a bad impression. They are important contacts to have," she says, coming into the bathroom to look at me.
"Yes, ma'am, I will. I promise."
"I'm glad Lucius had taken a liking to you. He was always such a charming little boy, I couldn't believe it when he came up to us at the station! He's so tall now! I'd say he's at least as tall as your father, don't you think?"
"Mm hmm," I mumble.
She shakes her head, "So much has changed. But it doesn't matter. Do you have anything to give him for Christmas? You need to make sure you're giving back!"
"Yes, ma'am! I made him some potions and a card!"
"Good. Well, I need to leave. The floor is clean, so all you need to do is make yourself look presentable," she says, walking to the door.
"Thanks, mum. Have a good day at work," I call out, wishing she had given me a hug or something. She hardly ever does, but for some reason I always want her to.
In the hour before Lucius comes, I try to brush my hair and put it back how Lucius likes it, but it's too short to put back now. I also make sure my backpack is packed safely and the potions I made for Lucius are still looking good. While I'm upstairs, I hear a knock at the door. I rush downstairs, and after checking who it is at the window, I quickly open the door, "Hi, Lucius," I mumble, looking down so he can't see the new bruises on my face.
"Hello, Severus!" he says, wiping his shoes off on the dirty welcome mat and coming inside, "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas! Do you want any water before we leave?"
"No, that's alright, but thank you! We'll have something when we get to the manor. Severus, why are you staring at the floor? And what happened to your hair? I was going to see if Narcissa could give you a trim after Christmas!"
"Sorry, my dad told my mum to cut it short. He said he didn't want me looking fruity."
Lucius sighs, and tips my face up with his long fingers, then, seeing the bruises on my face, he exclaims, "Really? You got into a fight before I came to pick you up? What is wrong with you?"
Feeling tears beginning to come to my eyes, I wrench my head away and turn around to go grab my backpack. I don't respond. I want to tell him what really happened, but I'm scared of anybody knowing. My mum always says that if anybody finds out about dad, it'll embarrass the whole family, and that I'll get taken away and the ministry will make me live with a different family, and they'll be even worse than dad.
"I asked you a question, and I expect an answer. Why did you get into a fight before I came to pick you up?" Lucius growls, grabbing my arm in the same place my dad did last night.
Gently wiping my eyes, I mumble, "I couldn't help it! I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault!"
Lucius sighs, lets go of my arm, and says, "Well, at least you're dressed decently. I'm glad you're wearing those pants and that sweater I gave you. You need a shower, though. Your hair is looking awfully greasy. Come along!"
I pick up my backpack and hold it by the handle. My back still hurts, and I know that if I wear my backpack correctly, it's going to make my scabs open back up again, "Sorry, our water heater is broken again and my dad still hasn't fixed it."
"Why can't your mother fix it?"
"Dad will know she used magic and he'll be mad," I shrug.
"Are those the new shoes you told me your parents were getting you?"
"Mm hmm."
"You have to be joking."
I shake my head, "They're from the donation center."
"Give them to me. I'll mend them before we leave. They don't look like they have any holes in them, so Reparo should work alright to make them look halfway decent."
Silently, I hand him my new boots, and he repairs them. They look much newer once he's done.
After a few minutes, Lucius checks his watch, then pulls out a piece of parchment from his pocket. He tells me that it's a port key, and that I must hold onto it very tightly. A little reluctantly, I hold onto the parchment with one hand while Lucius holds on with one of his. Suddenly, I feel a jerk behind my neck, and after a few seconds of what feels like spinning rapidly through the air, we land in the gardens of Malfoy Manor. I clutch my stomach and stagger slightly, but Lucius grabs my arm and steadies me.
"Sorry about him, he's never used a port-key before," he says to somebody.
Looking up, I see what I can only assume to be Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy walking down the front stairs to greet us. Not wanting them to see my bruises, I look back down at my feet.
"Quit looking at your feet!" Lucius hisses at me as his parents walk up.
I quickly look back up.
"Severus, this is my mother and father. Mother, Father, this is Severus Snape. You'll have to forgive his appearance— some of the older boys in his town like to pick on him, don't they, Severus?"
I nod, thankful that he didn't make it sound like my fault, then, I weakly shake his mother and father's hands and say, "Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy."
"It's nice to meet you, too, Severus," Mr. Malfoy says with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.
"Come on inside, boys," Mrs. Malfoy says, motioning for us to follow her inside, "Dobby has a nice fire going."
When we've gotten inside and taken off our muddy shoes, we follow his parents into the sitting room. Lucius motions for me to sit on the couch with him, and his parents sit in armchairs.
"So, Severus, you're Eileen's son, are you?" Mr. Malfoy asks. The way he crosses his legs, leans back in his armchair, and regards me through his cold, gray, aristocratic eyes reminds me a lot of Lucius.
"Yes, sir," I say, trying my best not to mumble.
"I told your grandparents Lucius had taken you under his wing. They seemed pleased that you are in Slytherin and that you are keeping good company. Do you like Hogwarts?"
"Yes, sir!" I smile.
"Lucius tells me you like potions. I have a small lab downstairs. If you make something while you're here, I'd love to take a look at it."
"Lucius has had a bit of a cold since he got home, so I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you made him a nice Pepperup Potion! Or is that above the first-year level?" Mrs. Malfoy says.
"A Pepperup Potion would be nice," Lucius says, "I believe it's second-year level, but Severus has been making third-year potions since last month, so I'm sure he'll manage. Why don't we go down to the lab after we get you situated?"
"Okay!" I respond, trying to hide my small smile.
"Would you like something to eat before you get settled, Severus? We are meeting the Blacks for lunch, so you boys will be on your own until dinner," Mrs. Malfoy says.
I hesitate, and glance quickly at Lucius.
"He should probably eat something," Lucius responds, "and I haven't eaten lunch yet."
Mr. Malfoy summons their house elf, and Mrs. Malfoy says thoughtfully, "You know, he does look like Elliot, doesn't he? But not as handsome, and very runty. I think his eyes are a bit larger and further apart. Smile for me, won't you? There's a good lad."
I smile nervously at her.
"Hmm, his teeth are awfully crooked, aren't they. And his nose looks as if it's been broken before," she muses, "Has it?"
I shift uncomfortably, look down at my knees, and mumble, "Yes, ma'am."
"Perhaps it looked nicer before it was broken. I wonder if St. Mungo's could fix that. It's a bit big, but not too bad."
"I remember Elliot looked like he had a beak when I first met him!" Lucius laughs.
"Don't be rude, Lucius!" Mrs. Malfoy scolds through a smile, "Though Elliot's nose is rather large. It's a shame about that hair, too," she says, gesturing towards my hair, "It's so lank and dull!"
"He said the water heater is broken in his house. He'll shower before dinner tonight and wash it well. His hair's not bad when it's washed," Lucius says. I wish they would stop talking about me as if I'm some sort of stray dog that followed Lucius home.
"Well, that's good. Make sure he puts some anti-bruising cream on his face, too. I suppose he's cute enough, but definitely not handsome. Perhaps he'll look nicer once he's cleaned up a bit. Still, it is a shame about that hair, even if it's nicer when it's washed. I would have hoped he would have gotten the Prince's waves. They all have such lovely wavy hair, like Walburga and her sons! That Sirius is so handsome! He's going to grow into a fine man. I just hope for Walburga's sake that he stops acting out so much. It's a shame he went into Gryffindor, but he may turn out. I was so hoping she and Orion would have a girl for Elliot!"
"He's getting married to Margaret Burke, remember, mother?" Lucius says.
"Oh, that's right! They'll make lovely children! Like you and Narcissa! Now that's a girl who deserves a nice ring! When will you be proposing?"
"I was planning on proposing next Christmas. But the wedding will have to wait for a few years. Father said I'll need to travel a bit for business after graduation, so I'd like to wait to get married until I'm no longer obliged to travel as much. You know— get things settled first. And I have some other plans that will need attending to as well."
"I'll be glad for you to take over a bit. You've got a good mind for business," Mr. Malfoy drawls. He has their house elf, Dobby, bring a few sandwiches for Lucius and me, tells Lucius to briefly practice the piano, and he and Mrs. Malfoy leave.
While I eat, Lucius plays a few scales and works on his technique, then he shows me to my room. I put down my backpack, and we head down to his father's lab. After about half an hour, he looks up from his book and comes over to where I am preparing ingredients.
"Severus, have you been cutting up these ingredients this whole time?"
"Mm hmm. It's gotta be perfect." The repetitive motion feels good, and making something look perfect makes me feel better, and my head is hurting from focusing this whole time, so it's taking me longer than normal, but I don't know how to verbalize all that.
"It's fine. Just come upstairs— you're going to take a shower while my mother and father are out."
"But it's gotta be perfect."
"This isn't up for debate. Let's go."
"But it's gotta be perfect! If it's not perfect then I'll be a failure, and it'll be bad, and and and and—"
"Now, stop this nonsense. You should be ashamed of yourself, Severus. An intelligent boy like you arguing over something so stupid!"
"It's NOT stupid! IT'S GOTTA BE PERFECT!" I yell, throwing the knife down on the cutting board. He never understands anything! My head is hurting worse than ever, and all the secrets hidden inside me seem to be burning a hole through my stomach. The empty vials on the table shatter on their own, and the empty cauldron begins to shake violently.
"Upstairs. Now!" Lucius barks, striding up to me.
"No!" I cry. I push him away from me as I back up to the wall. He goes to grab my arm, and I sink to the floor, back to the wall, face to my knees and arms covering my head. He bends down and grabs me by my bruised arm, and I am back at home. My father is picking me up, getting ready to whip me with his belt and beat me. I ragdoll and melt to the floor, sobbing.
"What is your PROBLEM?!" Lucius yells.
My tears are running into my mouth as I sob. As Lucius picks me up, flings me over his shoulder, and starts walking upstairs, I go limp because I know it's all over. He's gonna beat me because I was bad. I talked back. I wasn't obedient, and it's all my fault. When we get upstairs to Lucius' room, he drops me onto his bed. I stagger up and try to run to the door, but he grabs me again by my arm and drags me back over to the bed.
"SEVERUS, STOP THIS AT ONCE!"
"No!" I plead, covering my face with my other arm and melt back down to the floor, trying to pry his strong hand off my arm.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" he yells, and grabs the front of my shirt, hauling me up off the floor.
All I can do is cry.
He backhands me across my bruised right cheek so hard I am knocked across the floor. I lie, curled up in a ball, sobbing on the rug, waiting for it to begin. I hear him draw his wand from his pocket, and his shadow falls over me. Lucius raises his wand and points it at me. The world seems to freeze as he stands there. He takes a deep breath, lowers his wand and mutters, "I am not going to allow an 11 year old half-blood to make me lose control. I am a Malfoy. I'm better than this," I peek out from between my arms as he puts his wand on his bedside table, sits down next to my head, and says, "When you are ready to talk, I will be ready to listen, but I hope you have an explanation for this behavior."
"I just wanted it to be perfect, but I ruined everything," I sob.
"It didn't need to be perfect. It just needed to be chopped up!"
"But if it's not perfect, then that means I'm bad! My dad always says I'm stupid, and he said I made him distracted, and it's all my fault he wasn't promoted this year!"
"What do you mean?" he murmurs slowly, confused.
"My dad always beats me and whoops me with his belt when he's mad like last night. I was bad and it wasn't perfect, so I thought you were gonna beat me like my dad. If I cry at home, I get beat. Whenever I try to run away and he catches me, he beats me even worse 'cause I'm disobedient, and stupid, and I'm bad, and I'm ugly, and I'm a failure, and and and and…" I take a deep breath, and, as if the secrets inside me are clawing their way out, I continue, "and last night— last night he was so drunk, and all I did was walk inside and he was mad at me! He was so mad, and he had just whooped me on Monday, and the week before, too, and my head hurts so bad, and I don't even know what I did to make him mad! And it was Christmas and everything, and he had been sober for a few months, too! I just wanted to have a good Christmas like a normal kid! I swear all I did was walk in the door, and he beat me so bad I passed out and everything! I don't even know what I'm s'posed to have done to make him so mad! And my mum said he tries his best to be a good dad, but I don't understand how he can be trying his best but still drink!"
"I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong, Severus. Muggles are just like that. It's not your fault he lost control and gave in to his alcohol addiction. He shouldn't blame you for his own shortcomings at work, or beat you for no reason," he murmurs, tentatively putting a hand on my shoulder, "and you aren't really getting into fights with the other boys in your town, are you?"
I shake my head.
"I— I apologize for the way I acted. I shouldn't have raised my voice or hit you without fully understanding the situation first. Especially not on that side of your face— it was already so bruised, and it looks even worse now. Can you forgive me?"
I sit up, holding my knees to my chest. After a moment, I nod my head without looking at him.
"Come here," Lucius says, picks me up, walks to his bed, and, holding me tightly on his lap, he gives me a long hug.
I hold onto his sweater, nuzzling my face into his shoulder and trying to ignore how badly my head and the welts on my back hurt.
After a few minutes, Lucius lets go, smooths my hair back, and says "Now, are you ready to get up and take a shower? I want you to make sure you use shampoo and conditioner on your hair, do you understand?"
"Mm hmm," I mumble, twirling a piece of his hair around my finger. I wish my dad hadn't made my mum cut my hair.
"After you're all clean, I'll put some anti-bruising cream on those bruises. Do you have any more that I can't see?"
I nod my head, ashamed.
"Where?"
"My arms, my stomach, and there are a few little ones on my legs," I shrug, "but the ones on my back hurt the worst. I think they opened back up again."
"What do you mean, 'they opened back up again?'"
"The cuts on my back from my dad's belt," I whisper.
Lucius is silent for a minute, then, smoothing my hair back, he murmurs, "We'll get you fixed up, Severus. Don't worry."
"Can I have a pain-relieving potion, too? I hit my head on the floor last night and it hurts real bad, and my mum didn't have time to take me to St. Mungo's to get my potion this morning."
"Of course."
"Thank you. I'm sorry I was bad, Lucius," I mumble.
"It's alright, Severus," he says, and strokes my hair, "What's the potion for at St. Mungo's that you're supposed to take?"
"For concussions so I don't get brain damage."
"Well, we certainly don't want your brain getting damaged! I'll take you after dinner."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course!" he smiles down at me, "We don't want you to stop being able to make those amazing potions, now do we?"
I shake my head.
As Lucius stands up, I slide off his lap, and head to the shower while Lucius goes to find the anti-bruising cream and healing potion.
After my shower, I put on the shrunken pants and let Lucius detangle my hair and cover the bruises on my arms, stomach, and face with anti-bruising cream. When he's done, the bruises have turned slightly less dark, and some have begun yellowing. The one on my cheek now just looks like it did before Lucius hit me. The cuts from my dad's belt have indeed opened back up again, so Lucius gives me a lollipop, then rubs a healing potion all over my back. The potion itself stings horribly, and my skin aches as it knits back together, but I suck on my lollipop and only cry a little. Lucius says I'm very brave, and that he's proud of me, and that makes me feel a bit better. Once the cuts have healed, Lucius rubs the anti-bruising cream on my back to take down some of the bruising and swelling. It feels much nicer than the healing potion, and numbs the pain a bit. Once we're done, we head back down to the lab to finish the Pepperup potion. Since we don't have a lot of time left before his parents get back, Lucius helps me finish.
After supper, Lucius takes me to St. Mungo's to quickly take my potion. Since he isn't my guardian, and my mum hasn't signed any paperwork for him, he has to sit in the lobby while they take me back. When we get back to his manor, we sit by the fire and exchange gifts while Lucius' parents sip their red wine and read. I refuse to open my gifts until Lucius has read his card and looked at his gifts.
Dear Lucius,
Thank you for being such a good frend. I apreesheeayt that you always check my homework, and that your always ther for me. I never had a big brother or nobody to look out for me befor and I hope we will be frends forever. I hope you like the potions I made you. They've been in my backpack sinse befor brake but there still for shur good. There to help you fokis and stay awayk when you study for your charms mastree and NEWTS.
Sinseerlee,
Severus
"This potion will be very useful! Thank you!" Lucius exclaims, "Now you need to open your presents!"
The first box I open contains a couple school robes and uniforms. They look almost new, and are much nicer than my old robes! The second box contains a soft green, gray, and black quilt just big enough for my bed at Hogwarts. It's nicer than anything I've ever had in my entire life! The third box contains a gray rabbit plushie and a bag of sour gummy candies.
"You didn't have to give me all this," I mumble, covering myself with the quilt and cuddling the plushie.
"Of course I did! And besides, the uniforms aren't new— they were my old ones from my first year, so I would have just donated them if it weren't for you. I'm sure we'll need to shrink them down to fit you, but they'll look much nicer than the rags you've got. Now, the quilt I've been thinking of giving you for a while, and I saw the rabbit when I went to pick up the quilt. I figured you didn't have anything like it."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I exclaim, giving him a big hug. I feel better now that I know he didn't buy everything for me. I could never live with myself if he had bought me new robes, a new uniform, candy, and a quilt and plushie!
"You're certainly welcome! I'm glad you like your presents!" Lucius smiles at me, then stands up to go show his parents the potion I made.
For a while after we open our presents, I lie by the fire wrapped up in my quilt, cuddling my plushie, and eating my candy while Lucius practices the piano. Once in a while, his father gives him corrections. I've never heard music like what he's playing. When he finishes the song he's playing, I ask what it is, and he says it's Chopin.
"What's a show-pan?" I yawn.
"He was a composer."
"Like the guy that drives the train?"
Lucius laughs, "Not a conductor! A composer! Somebody who writes music!"
"Oh."
"Would you like to hear some more?"
"Uh huh— I mean, yes please!"
Lucius smiles, turns the page of his music book, and begins another song. I sigh happily, roll back over to face the fire, and close my eyes as I let the music wash over me.
When it's time to go back to school, Lucius pulls me into his train compartment. As I vanish into the compartment, I see Lily looking at me sadly. For a second we lock eyes, then I am pulled away.
