02: Kindness From A Stranger.
Shouko Nishimiya brushed a strand of her pinkish-brown hair which was tickling her cheek and pushed it behind her ear while she thought about whether or not to send a text to her younger sister, Yuzuru. There was this nervous tension in her chest and her heart was beating fast and she felt this brazen urge to speak out loud – to know that she was alive, that the train had missed her, that she had survived.
It had all been a terrible lapse in judgment and only she was to be blamed. Had the train hit her, it would have entirely been her fault. Shouko hadn't been paying close enough attention and it had almost killed her.
She couldn't hear the announcements on the platforms, neither could she hear the train approach, but it was still her fault. She had been looking in the wrong direction, standing over the yellow line on the platform, while leaning over. She should know better. But she had been thinking about her little sister, how she missed her, missed her mother, missed their home and as a result it had been almost too late.
But she was mostly unhurt even though she felt a stinging sensation around the skin of her wrist. It could have been worse, much worse and for that she was thankful. Shouko tried not to afraid of the person who had pulled her to safety. He was taller than her but then again most people were and by now he had relaxed his grip on her wrists and let go of her. It could have been much worse. Shouko should be thankful. She should smile more. She should acknowledge that her foolishness had made him angry and even though she couldn't make out what he said, though she guessed whatever this man had said, were unkind and hurtful words, full of his own annoyance at the situation. It wouldn't do well to hold him accountable. It was her fault. She deserved it, his anger, his hatred, his disgust.
But then he looked down at his own hands and Shouko didn't know what he was thinking about and it didn't feel right. She knew that look, she saw it in the mirror herself a lot of times. When she fell down and there was no one to pick her up, she had to stand by herself and ignore the dirt sticking to her fingers. It was good dirt, it showed effort, and it didn't need to be brushed off. If it could be brushed off that easily then no one could feel guilty over themselves and their actions. Not a lot of people did, but this person, he looked at his hands, like she looked at hers, often times in self loathing and he was in deep thought.
Shouko didn't know what he was thinking, and past experience told her this was bad. She needed to know what the other person thought, what to expect, good or bad, it helped a lot to know. But it was too late, the person was rooting into his pockets for something or another. She couldn't hear, there were noises filling the outside world, the busy railway station, the crowded platform and she couldn't listen to a single thing other than this garbled and chaotic sound of existence, which rattled around her, without being specific, without letting itself be known.
It felt dangerous. She felt threatened. Shouko had been careless. Her wrists hurt and she wanted to go home, even though it was her choice, her wish to leave the safety of her hometown and move to the city to pursue her college education. Her mother didn't like the idea, her little sister was against it. Yuzuru had told her that the larger cities, like the one she had chosen to move to were full of unsavoury people. He was taller than her, he was stronger than her and she hadn't even gotten a good look at his eyes yet. By now this complete stranger, who had saved her life, had taken out his phone and was busy typing something in it. Shouko wondered whether this was the end of their interaction, whether it was time to move back, head their separate ways.
But then he thrust one of his arms out and she closed her eyes out of instinct, out of habit, out of old fears, thinking he was going to punch her in the face. Shouko thought those days were over, behind her, in fact it was one of the reasons behind her moving to a new city. She thought people would be kinder, people would be more understanding, that they could listen even though she couldn't.
Shouko was clinically deaf. Now with her eyes closed, she couldn't even see and it was a terrible feeling. She felt helpless, incredibly small, this was like grade school all over again, and she thought that terrible episode was behind her. Her ears still hurt, it wasn't real. She had nightmares, still, those weren't real as well. Now her wrists were hurting too, or was she imagining it as well, was it real?
She didn't feel a punch. Her face was unhurt.
Shouko felt uneasy. She was scared. It was dark. Her eyes were closed. She couldn't see a thing. She needed to open them. She couldn't hear a thing, but she needed to look, see what was happening, or was about to happen or had already happened. At least she needed to look the stranger in the eye. You could tell a lot by a look of their eyes.
'I'm sorry.'
The phone held at a respectable distance from her face, close enough for her to read the words typed on the screen, but far enough as to not encroach on her personal space. Shouko had opened her eyes, tentatively, one at a time, like a child, afraid of the dark, but wanting to get used to it and these were the words which she had first read after experiencing her old fears once more.
But this was not the case. Shouko was looking at the words, re-reading them over and over again and she was still having a hard time believing them. But this was real, as real as the train which was about to hit her because of her foolishness, the same train which seems to be leaving the platform as of now, while she was still busy staring at the screen, with a dumbfound expression on her face.
The stranger must have gotten a wrong impression because he took back the phone and then placed both his arms to the side and bowed low. It was a sincere expression of deep regret, an apology from the heart.
Shouko felt heat rush to her face and she moved her arms frantically, trying to stop this person from bowing. He must think she couldn't read and that was another level of embarrassment and even then she was getting worked up over not getting a good look at his eyes. It was childish, but like she said, eyes were important to know the character of an individual. It let her know what to expect, what not to and she needed that kind of understanding more in her life.
At first, she had missed, because she had been careless and this person had just pulled her out of harm's way and saved her from getting hit by the train. It was sheer panic and the quick turn of events which prevented her from getting a look. Then, the second time, she had lowered her own head out of shame, at causing an inconvenience, and perhaps also, because she didn't want to make out the angry words the person was saying and it seemed better not to pay attention. By the third time, it was inexcusable, because she had just looked at the phone, at the words, 'I'm sorry' and nothing seemed to hold her attention more.
And now, the kind and apologetic stranger, had lowered his own head, bowing in apology and Shouko wanted nothing else but to ask him to straighten up and give her a chance to look in his eye, let her, allow her, to show how much she appreciated his kindness, his words, even though she couldn't hear a thing and he couldn't very well understand a word she could say.
Shouko was hesitant. The old terrors, the old fears, the old faces came coming back and even though she was not a child, it was proving to be difficult. But she had to be strong, she had to be brave, and she wanted to stop him from bowing.
After all, it was her fault.
She moved forward, not letting her fears win, not letting herself cower, and placed a shaking hand on his shoulder. This was different, this was not like that, those things were in the past, they had no hold over her present.
He could be different.
He might not be.
But he was. And even though most would find the look in his eyes unpleasant, a bit lifeless, a bit grim, a bit pained, Shouko could see more. She could empathies because this stranger had been there, he knew, not the extent of her suffering perhaps, but he seemed to understand, seemed to know, acknowledge, apologize.
Short black hair, an ahoge sticking out at an odd angle and a pair of grey eyes which seemed to know everything, yet not know anything at all – yes – that would be how she could describe him, his eyes, this kind stranger, with no name.
She could remedy that. He looked up. Her phone vibrated. She received a text from Yuzuru, her little sister. She wanted to know whether she was safe, wanted to know whether she was okay. Shouko wouldn't keep her waiting, wouldn't let her worry. But at the moment she chose to be selfish.
She didn't type a response, not yet, Shouko would tell her sister later.
'What's your name?'
He looked at the screen. Shouko paid close attention to his lips. He seemed to blush and she felt self conscious, but she wanted to make out his next words. She could understand, read his lips, if she paid close enough attention. It wouldn't be that difficult. She could do it, she was confident. But what if she couldn't, what if he had a difficult name, a think accent. What if he got sick of her troublesome attitude, her helplessness, her inability to listen and left her like so many other people in the past.
She couldn't blame him.
It was all her fault.
But there was no need for that.
'Hachiman Hikigaya.'
Shouko didn't expect him to make the effort, but he did and typed his response back on the phone before showing it to her, once more keeping the screen at a respectable distance from her face.
He was a stranger. He didn't know her. She was useless, helpless, a burden, better off dead. But like she said before, he was a kind stranger, there was patience in his eyes and no hate, no annoyance, no disgust.
Hachiman Hikigaya, Shouko would text her sister about him.
A/N: Like I promised, this chapter is bigger than the first one. And the next chapter will be bigger than this one.
I will post it tomorrow.
Also, a question: Should I keep this fic in the general section or post it in the xover section?
And as always, if you want to suggest a female character with whom Hikigaya should be paired up and have her own separate one-shot, please mention her name in the reviews and I will try my best.
Hope you are enjoying the story so far.
Take care.
