Having a seco- er, scratch that. A third chance at living a normal life and a most powerful blessing from a beautiful goddess, Kazuma vowed to live a more humble and fulfilling life. He would take greater responsibility for his actions and reign in his violent ego. He'd be more mindful of others.
It was this change of heart that led him to take a more modest approach in his retelling of the battle to his party members now that they'd returned safely to the mansion.
"Down to my last piece of manatite, I knew I had only two choices left. I could teleport back to Axel to lick my wounds and fight him another day, or I could bank everything on one last spell. One last burst of power to save the world!"
He looked at his party members with what felt like his most intense gaze ever. Aqua was surprisingly paying pretty close attention, only occasionally working on her most recent crafting project. The other two though… Darkness and Megumin were eating up every word. Crimson eyes shined brightly at him from across the tea table, just as they had been ever since they left the Demon King's castle.
"I went over my skill card. Fireball, lightning, create earth golem. Nothing was decisive. Though wounded, the Demon King had countless MP reserves left."
Kazuma locked eyes with their mage. "I knew of only one spell that he wouldn't be able to dodge, wouldn't be able to endure…"
"K-Kazuma…" Megumin was on the edge of her seat. The woman had been practically drooling over him since they made their way back to town.
He nodded. "I could barely stay awake, the blood loss was getting to me. The Demon King rounded the corner just as I spent the skill points. He took pity on me and offered to let me run away so he could go back to the castle and mop up our party. I let him drag on and on while I silently began to chant the lines that I've come to know so well."
That was all she needed. Megumin scurried over to take a seat next to him and nodded vigorously. "Go on, go on!"
"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark-"
That was about as far as he got before being involved in a hug so tight it knocked the wind out of him. The mage was positively ecstatic, legs kicking on the sofa cushions and producing all manner of gleeful noises.
"Woah, you really did it!? Just like when we'd go on our daily routine!? Oh, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma!"
Darkness knelt beside them. "Such a powerful attack in such a tight space? Imagine what that would do to one's frail unarmored body! Oh my, this gives me an idea, Kazuma!"
Ignoring their resident masochist, Kazuma adjusted his collar and swung an arm confidently around the mage's shoulders.
"With heat radiating off my finger tips from the glowing bundle of magical energy, I whispered a silent 'thank you' to the wizard that showed me the ways of explosion magic. I closed my eyes and uttered the most powerful 'EXPLOSION' that my body could muster!"
"S-So cool…!"
Megumin nuzzled into him, drawing a surprised look from Aqua. She looked like she was only now just putting two and two together, but then quickly returned to whatever she was doing.
"Beyond that, it's just like Eris and Aqua told you. I died and chose to return here as my reward for defeating the Demon King."
Darkness stood up and clapped. "I was worried for you, Kazuma. I trusted that you'd find a way to come back to m-, to us, but at your level? I couldn't help but feel dread. But to have fought the Demon King with such a pure heart and focused mind, to parry his blows and face him with relentless courage… I'm so proud of you."
The crusader gave him one of the most genuine, warm smiles that he'd ever seen. Even Eris would struggle to match it.
Kazuma forced a smile back. As the crusader left to grab drinks from the kitchen he only now felt a pang of remorse over his tasteful embellishments. He left out all the tears, panic, pleading, and pant pissing. Guilt be damned, those details would follow him to the grave!
The adventurer was snapped out of his train of thought as he felt something tugging at his shirt. He glanced over to the source. A pair of crimson eyes, still shining brightly in their trademark way met his gaze.
"C-Cool… You were so cool…" Megumin was in complete awe.
A satisfied smile came over him as his ego gladly accepted the mage's words. Yeah, he was pretty damn cool. And what would a cool guy do right now?
"Kazuma, hey Kazuma! We've still got some of the good wine left right? I already spent all of my allowance this week."
The hell's she on about now? I'm having my moment!
He mindlessly gave a thumbs up to whatever the goddess had said and reached for his blade.
"Megumin, you were the one that named Chunchunmaru. The blade that served me faithfully for this past year. The very blade that drew blood from the Demon King himself."
The arch-wizard was already staring at the sword with loving eyes. He totally got her. Just one more cool line to seal the deal…
"I'd like to give this as a gift to the Master of Explosions, the strongest wizard, defeater of so many generals of the Demon King. The one who taught me the spell that saved the world." With this final line, he gently placed the now famed Chunchunmaru into her hands.
Tears that had been welling up in the arch-wizard's eyes now flowed freely. "Y-Yes! I, your wise master, accept this offering, oh dear student of explosions! Such a prize is the least that one could give to show their gratitude!" She shoved the blade back into its scabbard and hugged it tightly.
Kazuma flicked his hair just as he'd seen Mitsurugi do and was about to oh so smoothly swoop in for a kiss now that Darkness was busy and Aqua was distracted thoroughly by… geez that was the coolest Destroyer scale model he'd ever seen!
He shook his head and turned to face the woman that he'd agreed to be more than friends but less than lovers with, ready to give her his hero's kiss.
Huh?
"M-Megumin?" Gone. She'd taken Chunchunmaru and bolted outside, faint yells of triumph could be heard further down the street.
"You didn't hear her? She's going to show off her prize to Yunyun."
Dammit.
Later that evening, the party had just finished a fairly modest meal. The cruel reality was that the former billionaire now only had a few thousand eris to his name, and the Axel Guild wouldn't be able to pay out the Demon King's bounty until later in the week. They'd be on a shoestring budget until then.
A tearful aqua silently glanced at the now empty bottle of the premium liquor that she'd been accustomed to. Darkness and Megumin seemed to be in higher spirits, satisfied with cold neroids.
The arch-wizard was the first to leave the table. "This was by far the most strenuous battle that I've emerged victorious from. I'm gonna take a bath before recharging my explosive powers for the night."
She lazily walked past the others before smacking a piece of paper onto Kazuma's chest. "Having conquered the Demon King's castle I find my current gear ill-suited for such an accomplished mage. Please see to it that you procure these items once our reward comes in."
Her eyes glowed brightly once more, the change only noticeable after they'd briefly gone back to normal during the quiet meal they'd shared.
A shopping list? The hell am I, your servant?
He glanced at the lengthy equipment list and had half a mind to yank the mage's cape and tell her to do it herself before noticing something in small print: "Meet me in the bath."
Kazuma's heart pounded. This was it. Oh god it was really happening. The sweet whisper from nights past was finally coming to fruition! Sweat began to pour from his brow.
His panic didn't go unnoticed. Darkness cocked her head curiously.
"Did she request something truly extravagant? Kazuma, the bounty will be exceptional this time around, far more than what we got for the last general we captured. You needn't worry about funds."
The man wiped his brow and nodded. "Y-Yeah, yeah that's right! A big payday is coming. N-No need to stress."
"What's wrong with you? You're acting suspicious!" Aqua eyed him thoroughly.
Shit! Why'd she have to be oddly perceptive now?
"I wouldn't be acting like this had YOU never traumatized me with debt you goddess of poverty!"
The blue haired priest hurled no shortage of venomous words his way as he waved her off and walked away. "Ah, whatever! I'm gonna get changed and teleport to the guild. 'Least they can show me some appreciation!"
Their crusader looked disappointed.
"Alright, try not to come back too late! There's something I'd like to share with you…" She said with increasingly red cheeks as the adventurer left.
Kazuma walked up the stairs nonchalantly. The second he left the other's earshot he bolted it for the bath. Panting, he swung the door open and slammed it shut. Just as quickly, he turned around and braced it with a stool.
Not good enough! Think, think!
Of course. His most reliable strategy to date!
"Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!" Layer after layer of ice encased the barricade. Once several inches thoroughly coated the door he stepped back with a satisfied smile.
A chuckle could be heard past the changing area. "Leave it to the man I love to be so thorough."
"I'm not getting blue balled again! I've come to collect our outstanding debt." Kazuma called out.
He stripped off the clothes that Eris had so recently made for him and tossed them into the hamper without regard. With a towel wrapped firmly around his waist he sauntered over to the bath where his prize lay.
"Um, Megumin?"
The woman was already enjoying the warm water as she leaned over the edge to face him. "Yes, Kazuma?"
A deep blush formed as the man fixed his gaze firmly to the tile below. "Your towel?"
"I may not be the most well versed in the ways of the world, but even I know that what we're going to do requires one's body to be bare." With that, she motioned for him to enter the steamy waters with her.
"R-Right. Um… could you look away for a sec?" Kazuma looked at her with pleading eyes until she finally relented.
This was really it. With the door frozen shut and a solid alibi he had nothing to worry about. Megumin was clearly willing to make good on her promise. Now was the perfect moment to pass the final frontier and finally burn the virgin label that plagued him. Yet, he was trembling.
All the bravado from earlier had worn off and now the cool mask he'd donned lay shattered. Regardless of all the pep talks he'd given himself in the past, when it came down to it he folded almost instantly. He was suddenly back to Kazutrash, the hikiNEET adventurer. For a brief moment he considered throwing out some lame excuse and walking away.
"Nervous, are we?" Megumin called out, still facing away from him. "I'm shaking too, y'know? Excitement and fear fills me, but I know that I want this. I want this with you and only you, Kazuma."
I really don't deserve her. For all the trouble she can cause, no one has ever liked me for me so damn passionately like she has.
His heart fluttered. "Megumin… I want this too. I want you."
He took in a deep breath before undoing his towel and casting it aside. "Okay… let me get in and then you can turn around."
Courage now mustered, he began to move forward. He shook as furiously as he had when going up against the Demon King in that dark dungeon. Was this really what adult relationships were like? Just one terrifying leap of faith after the other?
A few brave steps later, he was waist deep in the water. It was murky enough with soap and herbs that their modesty was at least somewhat preserved. He hesitated for a moment before placing a hand on Megumin's shoulder. Without a word the mage turned around and pulled him into a hug.
His mind immediately began racing as he felt her bare chest press against his. His "friend" began to poke against her hip, making both of them jump before nervously resuming their embrace. He could feel her warm breath on his neck as they began to stroke each other's hair.
They continued like this, wordlessly, for long enough that he feared one of them would back down soon. Kazuma's brain was working overtime for anything that could get things going again before the mage finally spoke out.
"I've wanted this for a while, Kazuma. Back at the village… back when I gave you the chance to pick advanced magic only for you to cast the idea aside and let me continue the path of explosion mastery? That was the first time I thought that maybe we could do something like this…"
He stopped stroking her hair and turned away in embarrassment. "Uh, back when I stole your panties at the Guild tavern? That was my firs-OW!"
A smack to the head rewarded his honesty. The slender mage broke their embrace. "Y-You! I knew you were trash the moment I met you!"
He began to reel back, but not a second later she reached for his hands and leaned in.
"But, that's just another part of you, another part for me to love. The pathetic you. The pitiful you. The heroic you… I made it clear that I'm ready to accept and love all of you, just as you are," she spoke gently as her face was mere inches from his ear.
She pulled back a bit to meet his gaze. Her soft hands moved up to his shoulders.
"A little while back, when I promised we'd do something unbelievable after getting Aqua back and taking out the Demon King? I wanted this. When you showered me with enough manatite to buy a castle and let me crush the Demon King's forces? I really, really wanted this."
Kazuma was becoming acutely aware of just how much he wanted this as she went on. One wrong move could probably send him over the edge.
"When you told me you used my magic, the essence of my Crimson Demon blood, to take down the Demon King? Had the others not been there I would've made you a man right then and there on the sofa."
With that, the young mage went in for a kiss. Kazuma felt her ever so soft tongue work its way into his mouth as her arms wrapped around him.
Hrk!
Her legs wrapped around him as well, making both of them fall into a most convenient position. Looking up at the beautiful, unrobed mage on top of him threatened to destroy the last bit of inhibitions he still held.
It's happening, it's happening, it's happeni-
"Kazuma," she pinned his arms down. "My hero, lie back and relax, let me reward your exceptional efforts."
The ice wall Kazuma had prepared took quite a while to melt away. In that time he and his companion had become vastly more experienced in adult intimacy.
With all their energy spent, the two snuck away into Megumin's room and turned in for the night.
Unbeknownst to them, a crusader had stayed hidden underneath Kazuma's bed further down the hall, waiting for the adventurer to return from a night out.
"To leave a noble of the highest family waiting on his beck and call after I'd told him something so important! To be ignored like a beggar at the castle gates!? How humiliating, how shameful…" Darkness practically panted as another hour passed, unaware that her tormentor had been thoroughly drained and was now comfortably resting in another woman's bed.
