Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine.
A/N: Thank you so much for following, favoriting, and reviewing the story. It means more than I can tell in words. It's been a long wait, but here's another chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it.
Xx.
CHAPTER 7
The Sun had dipped long ago when Ryder appeared outside the suburbs of the wizarding cities of Scotland.
The thick and dark forests rivaled the dark forest of Hogwarts; they appeared even more foreboding and dangerous.
Although they were extremely unfamiliar, he had no choice but to travel here if he were to nourish his vampire side. After the emotionally wrecking last few months, he didn't want any emotional baggage anymore.
And if he were to descend the territory of the Silver Coven, he was bound to get just that. He was so knackered by all of it, he could physically feel himself giving up on his unrequited desires.
Traveling further into the woods, he hesitated; wondering if for once in his life he was doing what was right, or if it were another form of tantrum on his part.
He swallowed against the sudden ball of emotions stuck in his throat and shrugged off the feelings of unease. He had already delayed enough, the dullness of senses and bouts of fatigue were enough of an inconvenience he didn't need dizzying spells too. Specifically, considering that he had to travel to unknown depths of the wild to quench his need for blood, he had to be in enough control to defend himself.
He dropped all his shields except the ones suppressing his scent, and that shielding ability was a blessing in disguise. If it weren't for his ability to mask his scent, he wouldn't have survived as long as he did.
It was a unique ability that he had yet to come across in real or literary life. In all the information he had gathered during his research on blood magics, this particular ability was considered to be a legend, a myth of children's bedtime stories.
However, he knew better now. As he navigated through the dark shadows created by the ginormous tree canopies, he kept his senses open, his eyes although shining silver were dulled as he reached more darker parts. The deeper he traveled, the more silent and sinister it became.
He stopped to look at his surroundings, to take in the atmosphere and the melancholy that seemed to haunt him. He gazed at the sky with eyes burning with emotions. It was at that moment, he truly understood the extent of his actions; he had decided to let things be. To silently distance himself from those expectations and desires that had up till now paved the path of his life.
The dominant among those stood to be his burning want for a family; of belonging to someone, of having someone defending him against the harshness of the world.
He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. In those moments, he accepted; accepted the brutal, ruthless, and naked truth that he was alone in every sense of the way. He let go of those expectations of ever having a family, of belonging, of being wanted. Standing alone in deep-dyed darkness, he let the silver coven go.
And,
His world didn't end, he didn't die. He was still standing steadily on his own two feet.
'Ha! You have always been particularly stubborn Ryder.' He thought derisively.
He was jerkily brought out of his melancholic thoughts at the sudden hush and chill that was rapidly descending over the woods that he was navigating. It felt eerily like dementors were descending upon the area, yet the devastating effects of the dementors were suspiciously absent from the chill.
Heeding his screaming sixth sense, he suddenly leaped into the air and in seconds climbed the gigantic tree. Moments later, he was completely concealed in the tree canopy, wrapping shields around himself to mask any indication that could give him away. He took deep slow and silent breaths to calm his racing heart. In another few moments, he was so thoroughly camouflaged, not even the vampiric royalty could distinguish him from the inconsequential wild animals.
Having secured himself as best as he could, he directed his senses to access his situation. His super vampiric hearing picked up the unusual agitation in the animals that was absent when he had entered these woods. He could hear the frightened cries of not only wild animals but of many supernatural beings as well.
Holding his breath, he tried to decipher if his presence was the cause of this unusually agitated state of the forest. However, the shields securing him were foolproof as they weren't held by his consciousness or sub-consciousness, but they were anchored to his magical core.
Consciously, they could only be controlled by the intent of his command otherwise nothing short of his death could affect them.
If not me then what was causing this frightening reaction? He thought, and as the hair on the back of his neck stood up dangerously, he stopped breathing altogether. His gums began to hurt extremely painfully, and the shields blocking his scent were tugged harshly as though some invisible inhuman power was trying to force his change.
He clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes as the tugging increased. It was only his willpower and stubbornness that kept him from changing into his vampiric form. He could hear the agonizing screams of many vampires concealed in the vast woods being forcefully changed and exposed.
Danger.
Something screamed in him as he listened to the increasing restlessness around him. He shivered and wrapped his clock more tightly around himself.
His senses went haywire as he tried to calm the panic rising in him. It was during such moments that he missed the presence of a mentor beside him. From day one of his vampirism, he had found himself utterly alone and short on guidance, but he also hadn't faced such unusual circumstances before.
Before he could further contemplate his predicament, the heavy and suffocating wave of magic subsided suddenly. He felt it leave his surroundings and diminish completely. Ryder sat tight wrapped in his cloak trying to ride the aftershock of such magical intensity.
It was really powerful magic as though someone was searching for something. His gut churned anxiously as his senses accepted the reality of the danger.
Run
Hide
Survive.
His instincts screamed and in the next moments, he was running and exiting the woods and making apparition jumps to make sure his trail was lost in case someone tried to follow him.
'How are you feeling today, Ryder?' Elsie asked him after he had placed the empty teacup on the table.
'I am better than before.' He said after some contemplation.
'How is life at Hogwarts?' She smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes. Ryder was different from the last time. Something in him had changed drastically, she noticed with sadness. However, he ignored her apprehension, so lost, he was in a world of his own. She cleared her throat to gain his attention.
'It…. It's tolerable,' He smiled. His face looked far younger today. The tense lines, which had been a part of his face for a long time, were considerably lesser today. Although he was smiling more, his eyes told the story of a lost battle, she thought mournfully.
"You have given up on them?" She asked with hesitation.
He chuckled and closed his eyes. She knew that when he opened them again, they would shine bright with the false mirth. She often wondered how he could fake so accurately.
'Some things just aren't meant to be,' He chuckled again, 'I was stupid, wasn't I? To keep expecting, to yearn and to run after the mirage.'
'No, I don't think you were stupid,' She answered.
'Does it not hurt now? If I ask you to forget your Sire, will it not hurt you?' She posed a question after a hesitant pause.
'Hurting is like breathing. With every breath, it hurts. With each instance, it burns. With each passing day, it pains a little bit more.' The truth of his words shone through the wet sheen of his eyes.
'You know, Elsie, they never wanted me. It won't change after seven years or seven decades,' He paused to collect his thoughts, and she did not break the silence between them. She wanted him to talk. He was talking for the first time in all the years she had known him. She couldn't let anything stop him now.
'I have accepted that I would never be a family to them, nor a friend. It hurts terribly, but it doesn't suffocate now. Nor does it make me want to hurt myself. I have stopped expecting anything from anyone.' After slitting his arms open last time, he had promised himself to let go, to get better.
'I have surrendered, El. Their presence in my life is enough. I'll teach myself to never want more, and I'll let life guide me towards my end. I will not interfere,' His eyes were closed, and his words were drowsy.
'But will you be happy?' She asked softly.
'Perhaps in the long run,' He smiled again.
She exhaled and smiled sadly. So, life had finally taught him the most bitter and the hardest lesson.
A few hours later, as he stood up to leave, she watched him go through her door towards the apparition point. Today, she was happy for him. Although this breakthrough was not what she had wanted for him, it was what he needed.
Ryder apparated outside the castle grounds and walked to the castle. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the unusual tension encompassing the castle. Taking weary steps towards his quarters, he wanted nothing but to sleep the emotional exhaustion off. These last few days had been more emotionally draining than the last seven years could ever be.
He shivered as he remembered his recent alcohol-induced psychosis, where he had nearly killed himself. He bit his lips in dismay as he recalled his powerlessness to heal his relatively deeper self-inflicted wounds. He swallowed with difficulty as he remembered how utterly wretched he had felt, watching his life ebbing away second by second and unable to control the flow. In those moments, he realized for the first time in his life that life could have been so much more than what he had been living.
It was that realization that had shaken him into changing the way his life had been going. Life had not been fair to him; there was little doubt of that. However, life had also given him much to live.
He was already considered a master in his field, no matter how much the said field was frowned upon, and at such a young age. He could have turned his life around anytime he wanted, but the yearning for a family had masked all other blessings of his life.
Then there had been his blood family, the only real family, his mum and dad, and they had sacrificed everything, including their life so that he could live. And what had he done? He had betrayed their sacrifice by his reluctance to live his life to the fullest.
As he had unsuccessfully tried to stanch the flowing blood, he vowed that no more. That given the chance, not only would he survive, but he would live. If not for himself, then he would live for the others. Those that were more unfortunate than himself.
Blinking his eyes to rid of the memory, he took a shuddering breath and relaxed himself.
'Shower and then straight to bed, Ryder,' He told himself as he reached his quarters
However, before he could take a step inside his room, a silver phoenix emerged from the wall and flew to him. It delivered a message from the headmaster.
Understanding the urgency, he swiftly locked his quarters and took the shortcuts to the headmaster's office. After sensing him, the gargoyle immediately jumped to the side, and he was admitted into the room before he could knock.
Albus was talking to someone through the fire network. Ryder stopped himself from flinching when he realized that Lucius was also in the office. However, as busy as he was calming his panicked thoughts, he didn't notice the haggard and defeated look on the man's face.
'Good you are here, Ryder,' Albus said after finishing his fire call. Now, Ryder could see that headmaster was also looking tired and worried.
'Is everything alright, sir?' Ryder asked the headmaster, reverting to formality in front of the blonde man.
'I am afraid, Ryder, no. You see, young Draco got caught in some sort of dark magical leech spell in the forbidden forest a few hours ago,' The man paused to let him assimilate the news.
'However, the worry is that neither Madam Pomffrey nor the specialists from the hospital can cure him as his blood is repelling all magic,' Albus finished, the usual twinkle nowhere to be found in his eyes.
Ryder understood the implication of him being there. For a moment, he wanted to laugh hysterically. He had been humiliatingly cut off from the coven just a few days ago. And now in this moment, he was the only one who could help them. He closed his eyes in consternation.
'His father or his sire; they'll be able to easily override the resistance in his blood,' He said, hoping against hope that they hadn't tried that already.
'Alas, neither Professor Snape nor Professor Malfoy was able to bring Draco back from the brink of that painful ordeal,' Albus paused again, his eyes seeking that of Lucius' for a moment. At the man's nod, the headmaster continued, 'Unless you can overcome the resistance, Draco will not survive. He'll suffer an extremely excruciating death.'
Blood rushed to Ryder's ears. For a long moment, he felt utterly detached from reality. Praying fervently that this was a dream and not a reality, he gripped the edge of the desk tightly.
How time can change, he thought. Once a lifetime ago, for Draco, he had been rejected in this very office. Today, he was the one who held Draco's life in his hands. And today, in the same office, Albus, the same man who had once rejected him, was pleading with him to save Draco.
He took in a breath to calm his frayed nerves. A great deal of power was being foisted on him. He could do anything; he could let Draco die, and he could exact his revenge on the coven. Silver Coven would be left bereft of a child, and then they would need him more than they have ever needed him. He could already feel the euphoria at the feeling of being needed, being wanted.
But,
When he opened his eyes and looked at them; the headmaster's confidence in him, and the flickering hope in Lucius' eyes, he knew what he would do. He knew he would save the man. He knew he would distance himself from the coven once and for all. He knew he would prove to himself that he was a better man, a better son, a better childe.
He knew!
'I'll do what I can, sir,' He said, his moist eyes fixed on the wall behind the headmaster; unable to let him see his inner turmoil and the war that was waging inside of him.
Then they went to the hospital wing by the fire network. The air felt heavy with the melancholy of impending death and doom.
As the headmaster lead Ryder towards Draco's bedside, he saw Professor Snape for the first time since the club's fiasco. And for a second, he forgot to breathe; the red-rimmed eyes of the stoic man tugged at his heart.
He faltered a little as the headmaster conversed with Snape. He couldn't help but felt envious of the blond laying unconscious on the bed. In all his twenty-two years of existence, he had never known Snape to shed a tear. But today the worry for his childe had brought the man to tears.
Yet the man had never shed a single tear at the gruesome fate of his younger childe. A small voice whispered in his mind and he smiled despite himself. A small self-mocking smile that now reflected confidence too. Confidence that he would rise above all that hurt one day.
"Come Ryder." Madam Pomfrey called him at the bedside where she and other two healers were waiting for him. He nodded and stepped towards them, for once ignoring the rest of the coven.
He picked up the silver knife placed with other sterilized surgical equipment on the tray. Holding it to his palm, he met the eyes of the headmaster, and the two professors. Offering a small reassuring smile, he made a small and deep cut on his right palm and a long and shallow cut on his left palm. As the blood began to flow, he planted his hands on Draco's chest and started chanting.
As he dwelled deeper into Draco's blood and magic, the sinister and malicious vibrations took his breath away. He battled against the malicious magic that had become one with Draco's original blood and magic. At his right hand, he could feel the healers starting to cast the required counter and healing charms.
However, the spells not only rebounded more strongly than before, but the magical backlash threw Ryder painfully against the wall of the infirmary. He groaned as he opened his eyes, the pain in his hands and the back of his head making him see stars.
The healers descended upon him, checking him for any injuries or side effects of the magic. As they failed again and again to heal the open wounds on his palms, his eyes met the stormy black ones. He held them for a second that lasted a lifetime; he could feel the intensity of Severus' worry for Draco, his envy for Ryder's talent as well as the bitterness at not being able to save his childe himself. It took Ryder's breath away and he broke the eye contact.
Standing up painfully, he allowed the healers' attempts to heal his wounds except for his palms which continued to bleed. Giving up, they staunched his blood flow the muggle way.
'Are you alright, Ryder?' Headmaster's soft voice brought him back to the issue at hand.
'I'll need his Sire as an anchor. Our innate magicks are very different from each other, I need an anchor to heal him,' He said avoiding the man's question and bringing their attention back to the issue at hand.
'Professor Snape will work with you, Ryder. However, before I allow you to continue, I need the healers' confirmation that you are of sound health to perform the spell,' The man's voice was heavy with concern.
Yet, he couldn't meet the headmaster's eyes. He felt as if the man was mocking him for his failure the first time. He shook the feeling, trying to accept the man's worry for what it was, no matter how painful it was. He consented to the healers' diagnostic spells.
Eating the chocolate placed before him at the healers' insistence, and watching the healers explaining the spell and magical procedure to Snape once more, he felt like a man who was about to walk to the gallows.
Finishing the rest of the chocolate quickly, he took time to strengthen his shields as tight and sturdy as he could. He was going to form a blood link albeit temporarily with a man who was his father by all rules of blood magics, it could easily end in disaster. And if that happened, the people present as his backup wouldn't know what to do for their lack of knowledge.
Centering himself and taking deep breaths, he occluded himself from all the emotions and moved towards the bedside of the blonde.
He removed the dressing covering his hands and picked up the knife. Professor Snape had moved also and was now standing beside him holding another similar knife.
He nodded at the man and reopened his cuts, letting the blood flow freely for a second. As the man at his right shoulder did the same, Ryder closed his eyes and extended his hand towards the black-eyed man to take.
As soon as the professor clamped his bleeding palm onto Ryder's, Ryder was overcome with the sheer power of the man's blood and magic. It was so much like his own that he couldn't help but gasp. Slowly, the warm and powerful thrum of the man's magic turned cold, angry, and hateful as though knowing who he was.
He shuddered at the agonizing abhorrence that he could feel for himself. He whimpered as the pain become excruciating.
'Please... Professor S-Snape, f-focus on y-your childe...,' he gasped out painfully,
"F-focus on your love for D-Draco."
The tears that Ryder had been staving off for so long trailed down his cheeks unbidden. He let them flow as he placed his other hand on Draco's chest.
Now, he was connecting two powerful wizards and their magic was bared to him in its raw glory, which recognized him for who he was, and abhorred him more than he had ever imagined.
Unable to do anything but bear down the onslaught, he started occluding to extreme extents. And just as he started the chanting, he could feel the healers working in tandem with him. Soon he could see the magical contamination separating itself from Draco's blood. However, instead of dissipating as expected, it latched to the anchoring link between them.
He waited for the healers to complete the decontamination and clamped down the anchoring link. As the link between Draco and Professor Snape was clamped, he could again feel the contempt of both the wizards for himself.
Not having a positive emotion to counter the contempt as well as his acceptance of their loathing made him the easiest target for the backlash. As the decontamination reached its end, the magical leech had gathered at their link and Ryder was feeling its strain.
As the healers stopped their incantations, he became aware of the blood dripping from his nose onto his face. With a willpower he didn't know existed in him, he abruptly severed the connection between himself and both the wizards. It made him the only target for the backlash of such dangerous and wild magic suddenly being grounded.
Before losing consciousness, he had the confirmation that healers had been able to save Draco.
When he came back to consciousness, he was in unendurable pain. Closing his eyes tightly, he groaned as the magic of the pain-relieving potion washed over him.
'Mr. Jamison, that was extremely foolish what you did,' One of the healers was admonishing him.
He closed his eyes gratefully as Madam Pomfrey placed a few ice chips in his mouth. The burning dryness was soothed by them.
'I did wh-what I ...h-had to,' He answered slowly. He felt bone-weary, unable to concentrate on anything at the moment.
'You are an honorable man, Mr. Jamison,' Madam Pomfrey said with a soft smile directed his way.
After stabilizing him, the healers went back to St. Mungos leaving him alone to recuperate from the magical backlash.
The next morning, he woke up relatively pain-free, but he was emotionally so drained, he didn't want to face anyone.
He had known that the silver coven hated him, but to what extent he had been unaware of that. Now that the awareness confirmed all his apprehensions, he didn't know what to do with that.
'Hello Ryder, how are you doing, my boy?' It was the headmaster. He was smiling proudly at him. Ryder blinked.
'I am good, sir,' He smiled back.
'Have you had breakfast yet?' The man asked while placing a covered platter in front of him.
"Yes, Madam Pomfrey said I couldn't have pain-potion without eating something first," Ryder said curious to see what was inside.
The man pushed the platter towards him. Ryder uncovered the platter, finding it full of small fruit cheesecakes. He smiled at the man. He didn't know how the headmaster knew that cheesecake was his favorite dessert.
The headmaster then conjured a marble chess set and they played and enjoyed the cheesecakes till noon when he was finally released from the hospital.
'Ryder, what you did for Draco was admirable, but I'll ask you not to put yourself in danger like that again,' Headmaster said softly as they were walking towards Ryder's quarters.
'Are you not happy that I helped healers save him?' Ryder asked confused.
'I am happy, Ryder, I am proud of your selflessness. However, I don't like that you put yourself in danger to achieve that,' the man paused to gather his thoughts.
'Your life is as worthy as Draco's life, Ryder. I want you to remember that every time you feel you have to take unnecessary risks to prove your worth to anyone,' Albus' grip on his chin was soft and strong and his eyes were warm.
Ryder nodded unable to utter a single word.
The hurt he was feeling after experiencing the extent of Severus's hatred for him was somewhat soothed by those words of the headmaster.
He nodded again to himself and smiled hesitantly at the man. Albus ruffled his hair and they resumed their stroll.
"Tea?" He jumped and looked startled at the sudden offering. He hadn't heard anyone come in; masking his surprise quickly, he gave an amicable nod. He gazed surreptitiously at the elder Malfoy who was now levitating a hot beverage towards him across the staffroom table.
He accepted the cup gracefully and smiled softly conveying his gratitude. He moved the cup towards himself and savored the calming aroma of the Earl Grey. He took a small sip, it was soothing to his frazzled nerves. Since returning from the woods a few nights before, he hadn't been able to shake the foreboding feelings that something significant but dangerous had happened that night, but he didn't have a clue as to what it was.
"--alright?" He was brought out of his thoughts by Lucius Malfoy trying to talk to him.
"Sorry, can you say that again?" He said politely, wondering why the man was even talking to him.
"You looked troubled, I asked if everything was alright?" Lucius was looking at him now. Ryder took in the open and friendly way with which the man was conversing with him.
"Yeah, I am alright." The man looked as if he didn't believe Ryder. Ryder's lips upturned at that a little. It was more of a self-mocking smile than that of amusement, he didn't care nonetheless.
"Did you need something?" Ryder asked after a while, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"No, specifically not. I just think we started on the wrong foot here. The fiasco with the club shouldn't have happened." Lucius paused gauging his reaction.
Ryder didn't say anything. He looked at the man with open curiosity as though trying to understand if it were an apology or a veiled reprimand.
"We are colleagues albeit many of us are quite older than you," Lucius smirked enjoying Ryder's mounting confusion at the man's sudden change of attitude.
"Oh come on Ryder. I am trying to smooth things out with you. You have done a lot for my son. I don't want this unnamed animosity between us anymore. Why don't we start over again?" Lucius asked this time bluntly, losing all pretenses, his intense gray gaze fixed on Ryder.
Ryder swallowed with difficulty at that. If this was an apology in disguise, he didn't know what to do with it. He was still extremely confused at what had transpired between them; how things had taken a turn for worse. As the humiliation of his last encounter with them came into his mind, he wanted nothing more than to hurl the teacup away and walk out of there.
But he wouldn't do that. After that club fiasco, he had promised himself that he would try his best to normalize his relationship with them. He had promised himself that from that day onwards they would only be his colleagues and nothing more, nothing less. He had vowed to heal himself, to burn and bury those expectations away, to fly away from those broken ties of relationships that could never be mended.
And today the opportunity to honor all those vows was staring him in the face. For a moment, he wanted to despair. It was human nature to mourn the loss of everything that he gets attached to. And Ryder had gotten attached to those expectations, those flimsy ties. Was it easy to let go? A resounding No was his answer.
But do you want to let go? Do you want to become better, Ryder? Elsie had asked him once.
Then the answer had been a no, but today sitting across from Lucius Malfoy, the answer was yes. Today, the despair and loss would be there. But today when he would let go he wouldn't die. He would live to tell the tale. Just like a few nights ago, when he had let the silver coven go. Today under the warm swashes of sunlight he was letting them go again. Uncle. Godfather. Sire. Father.
Expectations? They are meant to hurt whether they dwell or drift away.
'Sure Professor, I am Ryder Jamison. I am filling the post of DADA professor, the most notorious position of this alma mater,' He smiled a delightful smile and held his hand towards Lucius Malfoy.
The man laughed, surprise clear in his gray eyes.
'Welcome to Hogwarts, Professor Jamison,' Lucius Malfoy shook his hand.
Their eyes locked in an imitation of his original welcome by the silver-haired professor. An understanding passed between them.
And,
The last of the ties broke, the last of his hope blurred, and the expectations fell through the cracks of his being as though they were nothing more than sand. Loneliness, hurt, despair, pain, and agony. He felt that and more, but at that moment, standing at the edge of sanity, Ryder felt something unfurl in his chest that pushed him back towards the solid ground.
Hope, it's a relative term. You will lose it for a minute, Ry. But in the next instance, another small ray of hope will knock at the door. It will not be the same, but it will be worth everything. I hope you will open the door then. I hope Ryder, you will believe in it then.
Embracing all that he was in that moment, he accepted the hope of survival. A survival to its fullest.
And,
As the darkness of dusk had stood as his witness, he was testifying in the brightness of dawn as well, of his willpower, his sacrifice, and his courage.
From that significant moment of the day, the rest of his day passed relatively uneventfully. As the nighttime drew closer, he began to feel more and more uncomfortable, the consequences of putting off his feeding this long. He left his desk and walked towards the window overlooking the grounds. He rubbed his face with his hands and leaned against the wall.
After what he had experienced that night, he didn't want to venture out into unknown woods alone. The dark forest of Hogwarts was also out of the question as he didn't want to further complicate his already complicated relationship with the silver coven.
He once again surveyed the grounds with a fleeting gaze. A ball of frustration lodged in his throat and he swallowed with difficulty. He didn't want to live like this, he craved some type of companionship, any type really, where he could share his burdens and find some semblance of support. But he wasn't in a good psychological place to start seeking one, and he knew that.
He knew what his problem was. He avoided trusting anyone like a plague, he ran away from the concept of asking for help. But twenty years of constant fighting for survival was beginning to take its toll, and sooner or later he was bound to make some mistake that could essentially lead to ending his miserable existence. He didn't want to die, no one did. No matter how miserable the life was.
Perhaps it was time to ask someone for help, to trust someone to have his back. He knew he might never be able to trust to the extent others could. He was aware of the lie he was living, and living that kind of lie brought those trust issues with it.
He had once vowed to never trust anyone enough to disclose the reality of his identity, his parentage, and his genealogy again. He had literally and figuratively killed his birth identity. But he didn't have to trust someone to that extent, did he?
No, I can't do that. I can never allow myself to get hurt like that again.
He moved away from the window, agitated and anxious. He didn't know what to do. Who to turn to? Elsie might be his confidante, but she wouldn't know where to send him concerning his feeding issues. He knew who could help him, but he was strangely reluctant to go there and ask for help.
'No matter how little difference I can make, I would be honored to be here for you, son,' Headmaster had said to him two fortnights ago. But could he go and ask for help was the question. He wanted to and desperately at that. He was starving and weak. But memories, vivid and sharp as they were, were the shackles that were holding him prisoner.
' Headmaster please, I promise you, I didn't do it.' The boy had said desperately.
'Harry don't lie. You have done nothing but lie to me again and again,' The man's blue eyes had been icy with disapproval*
' I know I have lied to you before, but I am not lying now,' His green eyes were bright with tears.
'Draco is lying, Severus is lying, Lucius is lying. Everyone is lying, Harry, except you?'
'I don't know. I don't know. I don't know,' Harry had started crying at that point at the cold shoulder he was getting and the scathing disapproval in the headmaster's eyes.
'You know, Harry. Severus extracted memories from Draco today. I have viewed them. According to you, he was guilty. Yet, he had given them freely. However, you have yet to give them, haven't you?' It was at that moment when little Harry realized that everything was completely and truly lost. And he hadn't fought after that, yielding to the circumstances and destiny.
He shook his head and rubbed his eyes to get rid of the shadows of lingering memories. A coal-sized lump had formed in his throat and his hands itched to inflict physical pain to get rid of the emotional havoc he was experiencing.
'Please stop.' He pleaded with himself. His eyes filled with tears as the events of the day caught with him, but he refused to shed them. He took deep breaths and willed himself to calm down. Life, as he know it, had always been unfair to him. But crying at the unfairness never turned it fair, and even now it wasn't going to do anything except make him feel like shit.
He needed help or at the very least advice and his employer was the only one he was willing to go to. And go he would. He was a survivor, and after coming where he was, at the zenith of turning his life around, he wasn't going to back down. He would go and he would ask for help.
Strengthening his resolve, he locked and warded his office and started his slow tread towards the headmaster's office. They hadn't played a chess game for a few days because Dumbledore had been out of the castle busy with ministry business. Consequently, he was out of depth regarding how to talk to the man, yet he didn't chicken out. He took each step with the willpower he didn't know existed in him. And soon enough he was standing outside the Gargoyle.
Whispering the password, he passed the archway and moved towards the door to the office. He stood there for a few minutes wondering if he had made the right decision to come and ask for help. What if, he thought, the headmaster was busy and he was intruding? He didn't want to be a bother or burden to the man.
He wanted to turn around and leave, but he did not dare do that. He raised his hand and knocked, arranging his masks carefully to not give away his apprehension. Just as the affirmative to enter flew across the door, he had successfully conjured the masks to perfection.
Not giving himself any more time to hesitate, he entered the room gracefully and shut the door behind him. However, what he wasn't prepared for was to come face to face with the people whose betrayal had hit too close to home.
His heartbeat picked up, and he could feel the telltale aura of a panic attack due to coming so abruptly face-to-face with the order of Phoenix's core members.
'Hello Ryder, it's good to see you. Come sit down and have a biscuit,' Headmaster's voice distracted him away from the memories that were trying to claw away at his occlumency shields.
'Uh I-I could come back later, h-headmaster,' He shuttered pathetically.
'Nonsense, my boy. Why don't you have a seat,' The soft smile the headmaster offered him was reassuring. He breathed deeply and clamped down his panicked thoughts and walked towards the desk to take a seat.
'Ryder, these are members of the order of Phoenix and old pupils of Hogwarts. And this is our new professor, Ryder Jamison, filling in the DADA post,'
He gave the people around him a nod in acknowledgment as they individually introduced themselves, without ever knowing that they had known one another, and claimed to love and support one another. Yet, again life was unfair and they were the biggest and most tangible proof of that.
It's far easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. He had read that, memorized it and during countless nights he had recalled these words when he had found his world falling apart. Still, coming face to face with them today gave it a new meaning, a tangible meaning, a palpable meaning that he could feel in the way his breath caught in his throat and in the way his heart constricted painfully.
Yet, he blinked the liquid hurt away and focused on the presented moment. He listened to them, he talked with them, he even smiled with them. Breaking the ice wasn't difficult, it was protecting your heart from the sharp shards that were difficult.
But he was already jaded enough, the shards won't lodge, they would fall right through those missing pieces that would never be found and never be glued back in their rightful space. He was as safe as he was going to get
Tbc…..!
Please leave your thoughts in the comments below. I love to read your encouraging reviews.
