Okay... I know I said in the last upload I wasn't re-starting this series and I'm not... I just had this idea that wouldn't leave me. Basically, I've been rewatching Naruto/Shippuden; I had never seen the entire series, way back when we started these I had only seen up to the fight with Sasori at the very beginning (hence why Itachi still comes across as a homicidal maniac, we didn't know any better). Anyway, while watching the beginning of Shippuden again, I thought to myself... why did we never do anything with Deidara's clay?
I got stuck on this idea for a bit, stuck in a good way in that I couldn't let it go, and this is what came to fruition. Sometimes, you need to just sit down and write insanity.
(also took me a bit to remember how to put the line... haha)
ENJOY!
Kim's P.O.V.
It was hot. Like stupid hot. As in it should be illegal for a place to ever get this hot. And this desk fan did NOTHING! Pitifully blowing warm air around back and forth in my face, this was the worst. I didn't deal well with heat before - seriously why did I have to fall for a guy who lives in a desert?- now in my, er, condition, it was even worse. Flopped over a table suffering because no one wants to install AC anywhere. Gaara got a taste of it in our world, I thought he would be eager to bring that into Suna.
The Elder's vetoed it though. Apparently heat builds character, which leads to strong shinobi. I wonder if I can trick Shukaku to go on a rampage in their meeting room...? I mean, I doubt they'd be missed.
Uh-oh... I think the fan is starting to smoke...
"Ohaiyo Kim!"
I looked pitifully over at Temari as she made her entrance.
"How's my favourite sister-in-law?" she asked with a suspicious grin.
"I'm your only sister-in-law," I grumbled, the table and I were becoming one. Unless... did Kankuro meet someone during the war? Did they get married while I was out of it!?
"While that is true," okay so Kankuro hadn't met anyone, that's good, "even if it weren't, you'd still be my favourite."
I slowly lifted my head up, blinking at her. "Whhhhyyyy?" What did she do?
She thrust her finger into her chest, declaring, "Because you're going to help me!" That sounded like it was going to involve effort, something I didn't really want to give right then.
Slumping back over, I asked, "With what?"
"Well... you see..."
Temari's P.O.V. (A few minutes ago)
I had been experimenting with a new recipe, trying to improve on my methods. I thought I was doing really good too, it didn't explode in the pot, nor did it melt the metal ladle I was using. It seemed like it was going to be a winner! Now I just needed a test subject. I wasn't about to taste it myself, it would be a biased opinion (and the last time I did it nearly killed me...), I needed someone more indestructible. And then I remembered, Gaara was working from home a lot as of late; he was perfect!
Now how to trick him... I suppose I could say Kim made it, he'd believe that. And I had the perfect excuse at the ready as to why I would be delivering it instead of her. Ladling up a bowl of "stew", I made my way to the upper floors. Gaara had rearranged some of the rooms, namely swapping the location of dad's old home office so that it was closer to the master bedroom.
Sigh. Yeah he's Kazekage, but as the eldest that bedroom should have been mine. He doesn't even sleep!
"Gaara!" I called out merrily, using my hip to push the door open. Huh. Not here. Well that was-
BOOM! Splat
Back to present, Kim's P.O.V.
Temari folded her hands in front of her, "So, I really, really, really need you to take the fall for the mess in there."
I blinked at her a few times, "He's not going to believe that my cooking was the one that exploded."
"He might!"
"Between the two of us, who's cooking has a history of detonating?"
"But he's going to be so mad! There were so many mission requests that got destroyed."
Well damn, that was going to be a lot of lost revenue... and we just finished paying off the new soccer pitch too. Which meant the Elders had more ammo to argue against ACs. Ugh... I wonder how open Gaara would be to being a remote Kazekage...? Could they work remotely? Snow is kinda like sand right?
Deidara's P.O.V.
"Aren't you supposed to check in with Gaara first?" I asked as the Konoha ambassador bounced in through the open door.
Krista shrugged, "I'd much rather see Kimmy!" I guess she didn't really know what ambassadors were supposed to do either... "And if I go to Gaara, he's just going to be all grumpy and complain about how often Kathryn-sensei sends me out this way. And then he'll make me go home before I get to see Kim!"
That was true, of all the friends Kim had, this one was the one Gaara was the least fond of; said that it was dangerous for Kim to be alone with her. I, however, found her hilarious. As we climbed up towards the master bedroom, we could hear arguing.
"Please, please, please!" Came Temari's voice, "you're the only one he won't kill! Won't you think of your poor sister's life!"
Without knocking, Krista kicked the door open, interrupting the argument from going any further. "Hi Kimmy!"
Speaking of the poor Kazekage's wife... she really did not look comfortable, quite literally melting from the heat. Arms flopped before her as she was near flat across the small table in her room. That desk fan working overtime and not doing anything of benefit... it was also on fire and no one else seemed to notice.
"I'll save you Kim!" announced Krista, oh apparently she did notice. She rushed out of the room, coming back with water cupped in her hands, which was dripping everywhere. By the time she reached the fan, most of it had ended up on the floor between the bedroom and wherever she got it from, mere droplets released onto the actual flame, which sizzled but kept burning.
With Krista racing back out to repeat her attempts, Temari seemed to recognize that she wasn't going to be able to continue whatever their argument was about with us present and started backing out of the room, pointing between her eyes and Kim's. "We'll continue this later," she advised, while Kim groaned and moved her head... she was getting a little too close to that flame.
I pulled her up so that her back was against a chair and let go.
Thwump
Her head hit the table again with a pitiful "Owww." Oh dear...
Krista's P.O.V.
This was not working! I just couldn't run fast enough between the bathroom and where Kim was to put out the fan. And poor Kim looked miserable. Oh my poor Hurricane Twin! Left to suffer by her horrible husband! I even tried using shadow clones, but passing the water between hands caused it to escape faster, so I went back to running.
"It's really hot today, hm?" Deidara asked, poking Kim in the face.
I purposely dribbled water onto her as I splashed the fan... maybe we should unplug it first? "You need a hot spring... but with cold water."
Kim suddenly sat up straight with a snap of her fingers. "That's it!" She turned to the confused, ponytailed Akatsuki, "Deidara! Call Kathryn and Monica for me, we're going to need help!"
Deidara definitely seemed to have adjusted to having Kim as a, sort of, boss, as he didn't ask for any clarification but saluted and rushed out of the room.
"What are we going to do Kimmy?" I asked, curiously.
"Look for the perfect spot, of course!" she declared, marching out of the room, the perfect spot for what? I wonder. I followed after her, leaving the burning fan behind.
In Konoha, Kathryn's P.O.V.
For once, I didn't have paperwork to do. It was a bloody miracle. That wasn't to say I wasn't busy, but at least I wasn't getting pissed off at my own signature. I was actually out training. Surprised? Cause I sure am. There was talk that I might actually get my own group of minions- I mean students. I haven't had students since Kim, Krista and Monica! ... You know, they call me sensei, well Krista does, but have I actually ever taught them anything? I think Itachi did more teaching than I did during his brief period of taking over as Krista's sensei. Regardless, I needed to up my skills again!
"Hit me with your best shot, Neji!" This was a sparring of utmost importance... his hair had started to grow out again and he did not want to cut it. If I won, he'd go back to having the fauxhawk again.
He moved his arm in a challenging fashion, "It is your destiny to lose this battle."
It was a Mexican standoff, both of us waiting for the other to make the first move. Eyes narrowing, sweat building. I dug my foot into the ground about to lunge forward when-
"KATHRYN!" I seriously need to send that boy on a mission or something. Shikamaru followed a few steps behind Naruto, looking about as bored as always. "There's a call from Suna!"
Krista would have just arrived there, what the hell could she have already gotten into!?
... Actually thinking about it, this was Krista we're talking about, her and Kim could have easily demolished a portion of the city by now... I finally escaped paperwork, I did not want to deal with Gaara complaining about my choice of ambassador. Again.
"It's Deidara," Shikamaru advised, probably sensing my annoyance. What did the former Akatsuki member want?
Neji captured his chin with his hand, "He tends to get pulled into Kim's antics..."
He had a good point, if he was calling it was likely because Kim and Krista were, as expected, up to something... and if I wasn't involved I was going to get a headache about it later, so I might as well take part. "Shikamaru, fetch Kakashi, I suspect I'll need him to watch over things." I should probably bring Neji and Shikamaru with me, let the old time antics reign!
"What a drag..."
Castle in the Sky, Monica's P.O.V.
We were hovering somewhere over the Hidden Rain village... I really hated when we passed over this area, it was so wet and it made using the canon difficult. But, we finally got a phone line installed too! It took a while, given the fact that we are constantly on the move and going between the different territories... had to send Itachi down to argue the roaming charges, but now I didn't have to wait until we were back in range to speak with Kim, Krista and Kathryn. I'm sure they'll miss my notes via cannonball, though maybe not the property damage.
The twins were busy trying to get lightning to strike Kisame and Zetsu... a science experiment they said to see what happens when a fish and a plant are struck by lightning. My brilliant children, they were going to be ahead of the curve when it came time for schooling. Hidan really needed to get his ass in gear and get his teaching licence.
"Miss Monica," Tobi approached me hesitantly.
Oh what did he want now? You'd think he would be grateful that we finally picked him up from the Forest of Death, but now he just kept bothering me.
"You have a phone call."
Oh! Well the only people who knew my number were Kathryn, Krista and Kim... I mean, there was that brief period of telemarketers too, but Itachi took, ahem, care of that as well. He didn't tell me exactly what he did, but did mention they'd never find the bodies... which is good. It's getting hard to take him shopping with all the villages he's banned in.
I took the phone from Tobi, "Y'ello?"
There was a beat of silence. "Uh... hello Monica..." Weird, it was Deidara, he also sounded really nervous to be calling. "Kim asked me to call you..." Oh that explains it. Oh no!
"Is she in trouble!?" she literally just finished recovering from the war, released from bed rest. What could she have possibly done!? Gaara might want to put her in a bubble or something.
"Uh no, she and Krista are plotting... something." Oh thank goodness. "She asked me to call you and Kathryn for help."
"I'll be there soon!" I yelled into the phone, hanging up before Deidara could say anything else. "Sasori! Bring the Castle about! We're heading for Suna!" I would take desert sun, and a potential tan, over this gross rain any day, no matter what Kim and Krista were up to.
Back in Suna, Kim's P.O.V.
As we walked through the streets, I was trying to think where the best spot would be. It couldn't be too heavily populated, didn't want to disrupt too many people and their homes. Not too far away from the house though... I didn't want to have to cross the entire city to get there.
"Uh... Kimmy... we're being followed," Krista poked my shoulder, pointing behind us.
"Oh yeah, that's normal," I shrugged. Really Deidara was more than enough, but these new shinobi graduates got in their heads that they were going to make a good name for themselves in the eyes of the Kazekage by watching over me. They never tried to stop me from doing anything so I didn't mind. Plus, they were more hands to help.
Deidara's bird soared overhead and he landed lightly next to us, "The Hokage and... Itachi's wife... have been contacted," he declared, with a proud smile.
"Perfect!" With Kathryn being gifted a portal between space and time, she should be here soon. Hopefully she brings some Konoha ninjas along... Naruto's shadow clones would really come in handy.
"So... what perfect spot are we looking for?" Krista asked, wiping her brow.
I placed my hands on my hips, "We're going to build... a cold spring!"
My companions looked between themselves and then back at me. "How?"
How? Seriously... it was so simple. We just had to... had to. Hmm... how did one build a spring. The three of us stood in the middle of the street, blocking traffic as we tried to figure out this dilemma.
Deidara's P.O.V.
It was a good idea, somewhere we could go to cool down no matter how hot it was. Hot springs came up from the ground, surely something similar could be done with cold water, we'd just have to dig deep enough. I tapped a finger against my chin, mayhaps my clay would come in handy for this.
Still Suna Shikamaru's P.O.V.
Why'd I have to be dragged into this? I could be at home napping right now, and instead we are now in the hottest place on the planet. Neji led the way, following Krista and Kim's chakra signals. We passed a fire squad that was racing towards the Kazekage estate... that can't be good. Well at least the troublesome duo weren't there at the moment, so whatever they were called for must be the aftermath of Temari's cooking.
We found Kim, Krista and Deidara standing in the middle of the road on the western side of the city. No one dared to honk at them or push past, given relation to Kazekage and the Akatsuki, but they very carefully navigated around them. Kim was in her classic thinking pose; Krista was making suggestions, or at least starting suggestions and then interrupting herself with a "no... that won't work either", and Deidara looked like he was measuring the spot they were in.
"Sup fools," Kathryn greeted.
"Kathryn-sensei!" Krista cheered, and then she waved at Neji, "hi Neji!"
No greeting for me? I got forced to come along too. Kim, at least, seemed happy to see me. "Yes! You brought Shikamaru!"
Kaboom!
Oh boy...
Monica's P.O.V.
I landed in the middle of our group, "I am amazing!" I announced, one arm raised high, the other on my hip. Gosh it was hot! How did Kim stand it here? I take back what I was saying about the Rain village. Hell, this place could use that rain.
"Perfect timing as always," Kim smiled. Well now it was time to find out why she called us here. "Alright team, here's the issue," she started, "it's stupid hot here."
Yeah no kidding, I was pretty sure I was seeing a mirage from within the village.
"So we're going to build a cold spring."
Cool. "How?" Neji asked. That was a good question.
Krista pouted, "That's where we got stuck."
"But now, you've brought Shikamaru! He'll figure something out!" Kim spoke with such hope, even Shikamaru looked confused by how much faith she had in him.
"So why are we here?" I asked, I mean, it's not like we have any experience in construction.
"To help of course!" she said, "I mean, we might have to dig... or supervise."
"Dibs!" Kathryn and I said at the same time.
"I'm the Hokage, I should be supervising."
Psh. "I'm basically the leader of the Akatsuki, I should be supervising." We'd have to settle this with a challenge of wits!
"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Damn, a tie.
Neji's P.O.V.
While Kathryn and Monica were determining who was going to be in charge, and Kim and Krista were encouraging Shikamaru to think up a plan, I noticed Deidara seemed to be planting something in the dirt every few feet. What on earth was he up to? There were also a bunch of young shinobi watching us from the roofs... should we be concerned?
Deidara completed a large square and then rejoined the group. "Stand back," he ordered, holding up two fingers to his face.
"Deidara what are you-" Kim began when the ground suddenly blew up, leaving a large hole in the middle of the road.
People were screaming, thinking the village was under attack. The shinobi from the roof all dogpiled on Kim, trying to protect her from the explosion. Kathryn and Monica had stopped arguing and Deidara... looked very proud of himself.
"We don't even know if there's ground water there," Shikamaru berated him once the shock had worn off.
"I thought Kathryn can summon water?" he said in confusion.
"I can use water based jutsus, I can't summon water, fool!" yelled Kathryn.
In the words of Shikamaru, troublesome indeed.
Elsewhere in Suna, Gaara's P.O.V.
Kim was right... we really needed to bring ACs to Suna. Baki was technically on the council now, maybe if we sent the others away on a trip, we can get him to sign off on everything that the other Elders keep saying no to. It was actually a surprise we got the soccer pitch past them, all things considered.
Why did I agree to become Kazekage? I honestly feel they veto things I want simply because of our history. It's not my fault I have a homicidal demon in me. He wasn't even that bad anymore, hadn't had a relapse since the war. And that was an understandable relapse that only Orochimaru suffered for.
"So you must understand, Lord Kazekage," a local lord was pleading his case, "we need the best shinobi you can offer for our issue." He was also trying to get a steep discount for them, which I was not budging on. Did Kathryn have to deal with this nonsense? Somehow I got the feeling she signed off on things without actually reading... and yet Konoha was also prospering more than Suna. Sigh. At least things were calm again.
KABOOM!
...That did not sound like the Castle in the Sky's canon. There was screaming coming from the western side of the city, smoke and dust rising into the sky; something was seriously wrong. At least I could be confident Kim wouldn't be involved, she would be hiding out at home in this temperature.
"Lord Kazekage!" Baki had burst into the office.
"I'm already aware," I fastened the gourd to my back, ready to leave, "you must excuse me Lord..." Damn, I forgot his name. Oh well, it's not like it really matters.
"It's not just that," Baki continued, "Deidara's gone mad! He blew up part of the village!"
...Deidara was supposed to be watching... GODDAMMIT!
Back with the main cast, Krista's P.O.V.
At least we had a starting point now, but Shikamaru had a point, what if there was no water underground here. The shinobi who had tackled Kim slowly got off her once they realized that Deidara wasn't initiating an attack on the village and were now helping us examine the new hole. The exploding clay did a good job at least, if this spot doesn't actually work, we'll have to remember it when we find the right place.
"Would anyone have dosing rods?" Shikamaru asked.
Kim shrugged, "Maybe. I mean, they'd have to have used something to figure out where to build the wells."
Monica and Kathryn-sensei were busy scolding Deidara, hopefully they wouldn't discourage him too much; his method was very effective. And then there was a swirl of sand.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Gaara demanded, appearing before us. Oh I guess it was too much to hope that he wouldn't figure out what we were doing. Suddenly, he rounded on me, "What are you doing here!?"
"Krista, did you not deliver my message?" Oh no! now Kathryn-sensei was mad at me! "I didn't just send you here for shits and giggles, -she added 'this time' under her breath- it was actually serious."
"He never lets me stay!" I argued, "I wouldn't have gotten to see Kim if I went to him first!"
He motioned to the hole behind him, "I wonder why? Whenever you turn up, things like this happen!"
"In Krista's defense," Neji came to my rescue, "this was not her idea."
"Mostly not," Kim piped up, as she was talking with one of the young ninjas. I guess I did, technically, give her the idea back at the house... The young shinobi she had been speaking with nodded at Kim and sped away.
"And you," he now turned to Deidara, "why are you trying to destroy my village!?"
"I'm not destroying it," Deidara sounded insulted, "we're improving it." Gaara's eye twitched at that, and then gestured back to the hole again making nondescript growling noises.
Gaara's P.O.V.
What... the actual... hell! Why couldn't this shit happen in Konoha for once!? "What are you doing?" I ground out.
"We're trying to build a cold spring," Kim spoke up, in her tone that said 'isn't it obvious?'. I swear... I do care about my wife, but sometimes I feel someone decided Shukaku wasn't punishment enough. I dragged my hand down my face.
"Why here?"
"Where else would we build one? It's not like Konoha needs it."
That's not what I meant...
"Yeah, I've been here for less than an hour, and by god I understand why you're so grumpy all the time," Kathryn added.
"All this sun and heat, and no swimming pool," Monica nodded, "such a bad combo."
I weighed my options here. Using my sand against her... friends... would not go over well. Leaving them to their own devices was likely going to result in Suna getting levelled because none of these people should be overseeing construction of any variety; helping them would probably get them out of my village fastest without resulting in us arguing... and me eventually being kicked out of the room. Didn't help that Shukaku started taking her side on most things, which really shouldn't be that surprising. Demon's love chaos. I could already hear him cackling in my head.
"And if we're successful... a cold spring might bring in tourism," offered Kim, in a singsong fashion, nudging me, "might be good revenue."
That was suspicious, "Why would we need tourism?"
"Ask Temari when we get home."
Shikamaru's P.O.V.
As expected... the spot where Deidara had blown up the road was not a good spot for the cold spring. I know it's a desert, but I don't think there is any other analogy for how dry this pit was. If this was a cartoon, the ground would have heaved out a puff of dust to show how little water there was. One of the young ninja had returned with a radar of sorts. At least they were advanced with their dosing technology as they advised it could be used to find water. Krista took the radar and began to follow the beeps off to where water might be.
She wasn't exactly paying attention where she was stepping though and walked into the hole... right as Gaara dumped sand from outside of the village into it.
"Subaku no Gaara!" bellowed Kathryn.
"That wasn't on purpose!" he snarled back. Can't really blame Kathryn for thinking it might be though...
I grabbed Krista's hand, pulling her out from beneath the layer of sand that had been poured on her. She coughed, spitting sand out of her mouth as I helped brush her off. This was becoming so troublesome.
Gaara's P.O.V.
...That might have actually been on purpose...
Kathryn's P.O.V.
With the pit now filled in, and Krista cleaned off, we followed Krista and the radar to find an underground water reserve. We started working towards the edge of the village, much to Gaara's relief, when Krista suddenly turned northward, away from the open, vacant desert and back towards a sector of buildings. It looked like we were going into a really nice area, not dissimilar to where those asshole old farts in Konoha resided. Must be where the Elders that Kim complains about live.
The beeping sped up, suggesting we were close, and only got faster as we got further into the fancy neighbourhood. Kim suddenly got angry.
"THOSE ASSHOLES!" she growled, "they've been hogging all the cold water!"
It did seem like there was a large reservoir underneath all these mansions.
Gaara sighed heavily, "We can't destroy the Elder's homes for your cold spring..."
"Like hell we can't!" Deidara declared, up on his clay bird... when did he get up there? Clay spiders began to drop from the sky across all of the buildings... uh-oh.
KABOOM!
Once again Kim got dogpiled by the young genin. Which was a little pointless since Gaara had raised a sand wall defense in front of us.
Kim's P.O.V.
Okay... I really needed to have a serious talk with these genin about what situations actually warranted their protection. I pushed them off and looked at Deidara's work. Well, the Elder's homes had been levelled. There was literally nothing left of them. I'm undecided whether or not we should be relieved that they were all in the Kazekage tower right now. I mean... now Gaara was going to get an earful from them about protecting the village. And then he was going to be even more grumpy than usual.
Gaara had a hand to his face, this wasn't something that could be fixed as easily as the last one. I gently patted his shoulder, "This is for the good of the village... think of how happy everyone else will be." Besides, those Elders really did nothing to deserve these fancy homes when there were others living in shacks. All they did was get in the way of our hopes and dreams...
... well my hopes and dreams... for cool air.
Monica's P.O.V.
We got to work digging down to where the water was; Gaara seemed to accept the fact that what had just occurred couldn't be undone, and used his sand to clear the debris. He might also have just stopped caring; he couldn't stop this train we were on, so he might as well enjoy the ride. That's what I did.
Kathryn and I took up a shared role of supervising, finding beach chairs that hadn't been destroyed and set ourselves up on them, offering words of encouragement. The scarred face Suna ninja had turned up to see what was going on, I think Kim said his name was Baki.
"Don't ask," Gaara groaned at him, "just help."
"So, Deidara did not go mad..." Baki sounded very unsure.
Verdict might be out on that one. I think Kim and Krista rub off too well on the former Akatsuki. Speaking of, it looks like he was planting more explosives in the ground. "Fire in the hole!" I called out, to alert those around him... he didn't do a good job of giving us warning so someone had to.
The genin dogpiled once more, muffling out Kim's cry of "Goddammit!" as she got buried under a bunch of twelve year olds. This explosion was much smaller, barely even shook the ground. Suddenly, water shot up from the ground like a geyser.
"We did it!" Krista cheered as cold water rained down around us. It was so refreshing.
Neji's P.O.V.
I'm honestly surprised this worked. Granted there was probably going to be a petition to have us removed or banned from Suna for this, but at least we would be leaving behind something of value. Pools were dug out to be filled with the gushing water... Deidara was still using his exploding clay, though I'm not convinced it was needed anymore. He might just be having fun given that there aren't often opportunities for him to use it since he left the Akatsuki.
Soon the area of destruction was turned into a beautiful spa of cold water pools for relaxing and escaping the heat. This might just be Kim and Krista's greatest idea.
"What did you do to our homes!?" Oh right... the Elders who used to live here.
Krista's P.O.V.
This was so much better than those ugly old mansions, they really shouldn't be that upset. I was happily sitting in one of the smaller pools, all that hard work really paid off.
"This is what we get for allowing a monster to lead the village," one of them sniffed.
GASP! I may not like Gaara, but calling him a monster after all that he's done for the village? That was uncalled for! "Gaara is the best Kazekage Suna has had in recent years! You take that back!" I'm pretty sure I surprised everyone with my yell, as I dramatically pointed at the old people.
"Yeah!" Deidara agreed with me, "I mean look at this place, it's so much better!" Probably not as meaningful coming from a rogue nin.
Kim crossed her arms across her chest, "In fact... what have you all done to benefit Suna lately? Hmmmm?"
The Elders sputtered, trying to find an answer for her. "There is the soccer pitch-"
"That was us," she motioned between herself and Gaara.
"Mostly you," Gaara added, was he actually giving Kim positive credit?
"Er... well..." the Elders cleared their throats, "all the missions of late-"
"Were approved by the Kazekage," Baki now joined in.
Yup, as expected. These old farts were pointless, what was even their purpose to begin with. Kathryn-sensei walked forward, and I could tell a plan was formulating.
"I think we know what needs to be done, Lord Kazekage," she spoke.
Gaara raised a hairless brow at her, but then seemed to catch on. "I think we do, Lady Hokage."
"It's clear this old, archaic means of running the villages is no longer working. I think we should move to have a single advisor, voted by the people, to replace the Elder council in both of our villages."
"I vote Baki!" Deidara and Kim both said.
"Good effort, but given your ties, don't think you guys can count," continued Kathryn. Kim visibly deflated, it was a good try Hurricane Twin.
"I concur," agreed Gaara with a smirk, "both councils should move to retirement, effective immediately without pension. Given the change in real estate Suna has recently seen, perhaps relocation to a more... suitable village is recommended." Making it sound like this was all his idea... he didn't even want the cold spring in the first place. Now he's taking our credit.
"You can't do that!" they argued.
"Dude... have you met us?" Monica spoke up from her beach chair, a tropical drink in hand and one of the genin fanning her with a palm leaf.
It was true, I mean, we fought a war, faced a lemur god... flew on Temari's fan, we were unstoppable when we put our mind to something. And that was just the things Kim and I were involved with, Monica took over the Akatsuki, Kathryn had allies across dimensions and was Hokage; the Elders were really picking a losing battle.
Kim's P.O.V.
Finally, we were going to be getting rid of these buttheads.
"I would tell you to pack your bags," Kathryn looked around at the reformed area, "but I don't think there's anything left."
"I hear Mist is really nice this time of year," Neji offered.
"But... but..."
"Get out of my village," growled Gaara, letting a little bit of Shukaku show through, gotta admit, some people would see the demon as a deal breaker... not me.
Realizing that they were not winning this, the Elders backed down, though some proceeded to grovel to remain in Suna. Mission accomplished! We got a cold spring and the Elders were officially gone.
"I should probably let Kakashi know to start kicking out the Konoha ones too..." Kathryn mused.
"If you need help evicting them..." I was about to offer, I'm sure Gaara wouldn't mind.
"Konoha does have its own demon I can unleash."
"Yeah, but Kurama's not as cool as Shukaku."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Krista was offended, "Kurama is sooo much cooler than Shukaku. The nine-tailed fox!" Of course she'd defend the demon in Naruto.
I looked towards my husband who had not been paying attention to us until that moment, and was clearly confused at what he missed. I shook my head at my Twin, "Nah... Shukaku's better."
Krista and I continued to argue for a bit until Shikamaru reminded us of something. "Kathryn... why did you send Krista here? You said it was actually important."
Oh right. This wasn't just a regular visit that turned into hijinks.
Kathryn's P.O.V.
"Oh yeah," I cleared my throat, "I've been getting bugged a lot about planning the upcoming chunin exams and was going to ask if we could make it a joint endeavour. It also doesn't seem fair that Konoha gets to have so many genin take part, when everywhere else only gets to send one or two teams, just because we happen to have the big arena." It was getting so annoying, like why did it have to fall just to me to plan all this when other villages took part?
Gaara thought about the offer for a moment, "Have you approached any other villages with this offer?"
I snorted, "God no. I don't know any of the other Kages except Orochimaru... and I feel like we should bar Sound for the foreseeable future." They didn't deserve to be able to have anything above genin from now on, they almost killed Kim!
"Can the Akatsuki take part?" Monica asked.
"Aren't they all jonins already?" Yeah, Neji had a point, why would they need to take the exams? Also, really not fair for the genins to be pitted against them.
"I'm worried they're getting rusty." Still not reason enough for a bunch of rogue jonin to be fighting genins who are still mastering their jutsus.
"Maybe they can help judge..." suggested Shikamaru.
"Or be security!" said Krista. Now that might not be a bad idea, no one would dare pull a stunt at the chunin exams if the Akatsuki were also acting as security.
"Very well, Kathryn," Gaara offered his hand towards me, "we will be honoured to help plan the chunin exams with you."
I took his hand before he could retract it, "You do realize, this means Krista is going to be coming back and forth more frequently." I watched his face fall, his eye beginning to twitch. I squeezed his hand tighter and quickly shook, "No take-backsies!"
Later, still in Suna Gaara's P.O.V.
Going into the Kazekage tower had been a mistake today. We came home to discover that the master bedroom had caught fire... it got put out fairly quickly but not quick enough to not need repairs. Which meant we had to sleep in one of the guest rooms and their lumpy old beds. No one could explain how that even happened. Had I been home, my sand could have put out whatever the cause was pretty quickly, or it might not have happened at all.
The whole insane cold spring plan would also have been stopped at the door, and while it ended up okay, I could have gone without everyone in my village presuming we were under attack simply because my wife and her bodyguard didn't think things through. At least the Elders were annexed now. Since my day was interrupted, I figured I could work a little later from my home office. There were still plenty of requests I hadn't gotten around to that I left here. I could just sign off on a few while Kim made dinner and then-
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?
My office... was covered... in... I have no idea what. It smelt like a poor attempt at stew. And then, Kim's words from earlier came back to me...
"TEMARI!"
