._.
Beneath
Chapter One Hundred Eighty-Seven – Plans
"-aaaait!" The word ended on a cough. Loki brought his hands down from over his head and immediately unclasped his cloak and dropped it to the ground in an ankle-deep pile of dirt. Dirt that had in the moment before made up the ceiling over his head.
"The structure, Heimdall?" Thor said after swiping a hand over his face.
"Collapsed. The dust is still settling. Congratulations on your success," he added, taking the time to look at the brothers individually. "The treaty text has been finalized. King Nadrith was permitted to return to Alfheim about an hour ago, and an official treaty-signing ceremony will be held here tomorrow afternoon."
Loki ignored him, turning to Thor instead. "If only I had another knife." He was covered in dirt, everywhere but his back, which had been mostly spared by the cloak, and he'd never really been rid of it from the first time Thor had decided to spontaneously throw Mjolnir into the ceiling. That Thor was covered in it too was no consolation; Thor had never particularly minded being filthy.
"You don't?" Thor asked in an innocent tone.
"Do you really want to find out?"
Thor smiled. Loki wasn't truly angry, just annoyed. Loki was always annoyed, and in this case, no harm had been done that a good bath wouldn't fix. And Brokk, chest cavity full of blood from what was to anyone knowledgeable of anatomy clearly a deliberate mortal wound, was buried under a heavy layer of dirt. "Thank you, Heimdall. Tell no one of the details. Not even my father."
Heimdall hesitated, but not for long. "You are king," he said in acknowledgement.
"Time for a new collection of secrets about me, is it, Gatekeeper?" Loki asked, reluctantly shifting his focus from the grime he was coated in. He held out the amulet to Thor, who extended a palm for him to drop it into. He wouldn't have minded keeping it, but without the talisman, which Thor had, it wasn't worth the effort. If he didn't offer it up, he'd be ordered to return it later.
"Keeping secrets is one of the most basic requirements of my position. In that, you are no exception."
"In that and that alone."
Thor followed in relief when Loki started out of the little hut. Nearly every time he'd observed Loki and Heimdall he'd feared the encounter would end in violence. "Where is Jane?" he asked, just as they reached the door; Loki paused as well.
"She is dining with your mother in the upper receiving chambers."
Thor sighed and nodded his thanks, then hurried to catch up with Loki, who had already set off again. "Loki, I need to speak with Bragi. I'll need to convene an Assembly, too, but that can wait until tomorrow. Do you want to join me? I'll send for healers, too. We have matching hands," he added, noticing the comparison for the first time, how his and Loki's right hands were both wrapped in now-dirty red cloth torn from Thor's cape.
"Not quite matching. Mine is considerably bloodier."
Thor grimaced. Not because of the blood; he couldn't remember ever being squeamish about blood, even as a child. Because of Brokk's blood, added to Loki's. "You should probably get rid of that bandage."
As they walked, Loki worked out the knot he'd managed to get in, and with a slight twist of his hand it was gone.
"That doesn't look good." Under the bandage, the split skin was dirty, reddened, and swollen.
"The knife probably had something on it to slow healing. It's fine."
"Join me, then? Afterward, perhaps we could join Mother and Jane for dessert."
"That sounds delightful, but no." It sounded more akin to torture.
"Surely you'd like to see Jane again, though? You don't have to accompany me to see Bragi if you'd rather not."
"Thank you for clarifying that," Loki said dryly. "But the answer is still no. I have a report to prepare."
"What report? About Brokk? You don't-"
"Not about that. Is your attention span so short? About prosthetic limbs. I haven't had the chance yet."
"All right," Thor said. His offer was genuine and well-meant, but part of him – a part that felt a tiny bit guilty for it – was glad Loki had declined. He'd lost his dinner alone with Jane tonight, but perhaps he could still reclaim some of the evening. "Shall I tell her you look forward to seeing her at the feast tomorrow, then?"
"I don't need you to carry messages for me."
"All right. I'll see you tomorrow, too, then," Thor said when they reached the point where the path split to enter the Healing Room or continue on to the palace.
"Wait. You're going to change first, aren't you?"
Thor glanced down at himself. "No. The matter is of some urgency. Why do you ask?"
"Look at you. You're disgusting."
"We've been fighting a war, Loki. I've tracked in all kinds of dirt and grime and blood."
"The war is over. Do you remember what I told you, when you asked how you looked, right before you were to become king?"
Thor nodded, now paying more attention. He'd thought Loki was merely insulting him, whether in jest or seriousness, but he thought now there was more to it. And they had never before spoken about that moment. "You said I should never doubt that you loved me."
"Not that part," Loki said, regretting having brought it up and refusing to address it, despite the number of responses, mostly unkind, that flashed through his mind. "I said you looked like a king. You don't now. You should clean up."
Bristling both at Loki's unsolicited advice about his personal grooming and at Loki ignoring something Thor would very much like to hear his reaction to, Thor started to tell Loki to worry about his own need for a bath and a change of clothes. Then he remembered that Loki wasn't king, and he was, and a wartime king was not the same as a peacetime king. And he'd spent enough of his life ignoring Loki's words simply because he didn't want to hear them. "I suppose a short delay won't make any difference," he grumbled. "I'll go clean up first. And I'll see you tomorrow."
/
/
Eir was just leaving when Loki arrived, but stayed behind to treat his hand and the shallow wound on his arm. After cleaning the wounds carefully, she performed delicate repairs on the internal structures of his hand, which he'd done no favors for in using it to ram his dagger into Brokk's heart. Healing stones were useless – the wounds were indeed magic-resistant – and while the cut on his arm was simpler and a basic bandage was sufficient, Eir was forced to use a simulated-skin sealant to close the cut in his palm. It would heal with time, just as his shoulder had.
Loki answered her questions, about the wounds, the weapon, even his sleep, but perfunctorily, and Eir didn't push him to say more, continuing her work in silence.
He had plans to make. So many plans it was overwhelming.
Tomorrow afternoon, assuming Odin didn't find some other way to delay it, he would be officially free. No longer under judgement of any sort. Able to travel the Nine Realms as he liked. He could find some corner of Alfheim he'd never been to, get a horse, and explore. Climb a new peak and go plume-sailing on Muspelheim. Rent a small picturesque island on Vanaheim, take long walks along the beach, work his way through a stack of books, hire a couple of servants to cater to his every whim. Learn the basics of some random new trade on Nidavellir, something that would engage his muscles – in disguise, of course.
Each idea, and the ones that followed, had appeal. Each idea also felt wrong somehow. Not wrong, precisely. Empty. His thoughts kept straying to Midgard. To the South Pole. To the 49 people he'd made a home of sorts with for four months. To Jane. He drew in a sharp breath, causing Eir to pause and ask if he was all right. He wished he'd had more of an appreciation for what he had when he had it. The Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station had been another form of prison to be escaped; Jane had been a key to be shaped to aid in the escape. The Pole had become so much more. So had Jane.
Someday, probably, after this little visit to Asgard he'd orchestrated for her, he would see her again, and he would ask her how the rest of the winter season had gone. She would tell her stories and he would laugh, able to picture everything she described almost as though he'd still been there. Perhaps they would even reminisce about some of the more enjoyable moments they'd shared there, the ones that didn't also share association with deception or manipulation or cruelty or that one nightmare of a moment in Jane's room. It didn't leave much. Maybe it didn't leave anything.
He would remember though. He would always have the memories, fond memories, even complex and tangled up with both the good and the bad as they were. She would, too, he knew. He no longer doubted that her caring was genuine. He'd once looked on it with scorn, had even mocked her for it. For caring about him. For seeing him as a friend, despite everything he'd done. He was grateful for it now. Without it, he would probably be dead. Even if she hadn't followed him to Asgard's past and the cosmos still conspired to prevent him from ending his own life as an infant, he might have bled out upon his return to Midgard, before anyone from Asgard showed up to save him. Jane had risked her life for him. He shook his head at the thought. She risked her life for me. It would never cease to astound him.
If Eir noticed the moisture he felt in his eyes, she said nothing. Loki blinked a few times and brought the emotions under control. If not for Jane, he would be dead, and he was glad he wasn't. But that fleeting period of his life when he and Jane had walked through doorways of space and time, sharing secrets about each other and the nature of Yggdrasil and physics and the very reality of the cosmos…was over.
The South Pole was off the list of potential destinations. The rest of Midgard was best left off the list too. Jane had once suggested that after the winter season, he travel the realm and experience the different cultures and traditions. And cuisine. The lunchtime conversation came back to him, crystal clear. Jane had wanted to cook tacos for him. He'd known at the time that it would never happen. As he'd often done then, he'd mocked her for her optimism, her positivity. "Why do you have to be so mean?" she had asked. He regretted that now, regretted many things he'd said and done to her. But he'd been right. Jane wasn't going to be making tacos or anything else for him.
Alfheim, he thought after a while. Probably Alfheim. Astride a horse, wind on his face, keeping on the move – that struck him as the best of the available alternatives. He could probably even convince Alfheim to grant him permission to bring Lifhilda along if he wanted to, instead of obtaining a horse upon arrival. He could probably wrangle a number of favors out of the various realms at the moment.
Except Midgard.
And Jotunheim, he thought with a silent laugh, dragging himself back to reality again. Briefly he wondered what was happening there. It was just two days ago he'd been there, but Farbauti had probably already asserted control and was spying on her sons' private reactions to it. But were they sitting around the Ice Casket singing old songs and praising the maker? Taking turns shooting random piles of ice from it, "good ice," as Helblindi's ally Reihal had called it? Actually using it to rebuild their ruined realm? Perhaps even setting their most talented magic-wielders upon it to try to defeat the magic Loki had emplaced on it? In vain, he scoffed. He'd done good, lasting work, which was tied into Maeva's as well. The Ice Casket was safe from any attempted tampering. And beyond that, he found, he didn't really care what they were up to. In fact, he realized with surprise, their continued existence – which had once gnawed at him with grinding jaws until turning the bifrost on Jotunheim had relieved some of the pressure – no longer stirred much of anything in him. If an errant asteroid were to head their way and finish what he'd started that day he would find nothing in their doom worth mourning over, but as long as they remained there and he remained not-there, he found himself unconcerned.
Reasonably satisfied with the bare bones of a longer-term plan, Loki turned his eye toward the more immediate future: today, tomorrow, the day after. The sun was just setting; many hours were left before it was time to retire, and with time in such short supply he would have to find a way to not let it go to waste. Tomorrow would be busy. The afternoon would bring a ceremony of some sort, and as an individual party to the treaty, Loki wouldn't be able to skip it. A grander ceremony would no doubt follow, months or even years later, but with so many signatories this one would be no trifling affair. Afterward, with all the foreign dignitaries seen safely back to their own realms, the first celebratory feast would be held. Loki liked to imagine himself skipping it, but most likely, for Jane's sake if nothing else, he would attend, and it would no doubt last into the early morning hours. That left the morning, which Loki strongly suspected Thor had set aside at least a portion of to spend alone with Jane. The day after would depend entirely on Jane. How long she wanted to stay, how quickly she felt she needed to return. How ill she felt after celebrating with Asgardian drink. Thor's schedule should be more flexible at that point; he would probably choose to spend the entire time with her, returning to his duties – including the beginning of an extended period of celebration across the realm – upon her departure. Loki supposed he would spend that day packing – something he hadn't had a chance to do the last few times he'd left Asgard – and solidifying his plans for Alfheim. When Jane left, so would he.
He couldn't stay on Asgard. Even if there were a handful of moments he enjoyed, even if there were things here he'd truly missed, even if Thor… He wasn't sure how to finish the thought.
Thor had changed. He knew it. He saw it over and over again and it surprised him over and over again and it was really time for that to stop. The Thor who had shown up at his chambers last night and confessed his long-standing sense of superiority with what Loki could only describe as humility was not the same man who had growled at him to know his place right in front of the Jotun king. Thor hadn't shed that sense of superiority; it wasn't that he was now free of flaw. But he was willing to listen. Willing, sometimes at least, to seriously consider what Loki said. That hadn't been true of anything of any import since their very young adulthood. Thor was willing to try, sincerely so, and that was worth something. It wasn't enough to erase a thousand years of Thor's willful oblivion to his disrespectful treatment of Loki. It definitely wasn't enough to convince him the changes were permanent, that things wouldn't revert to the exact same pattern for another thousand years should Loki stay.
The thought of it was unbearable. And how much worse it would be, now that Thor was not just the elder and more beloved of two princes but the king?
"Keep still. Relax your muscles," Eir murmured.
He consciously relaxed the hand he'd been clenching. It would, perhaps, never not bother him, never not trigger bursts of feral anger and burning resentment. And now alongside that was the niggling, deeply disturbing possibility that those feelings were not purely his, but augmented by Thanos and the lackey, despite how confident he'd been that he'd successfully thwarted the repeated efforts to alter his memories.
On top of all of that, Thor had now heard tales of him at his weakest. Some from his own lips, yes, but told by his own choice, in his own way. A controlled telling. Brokk had made him sound like a pathetic whining coward, quickly and easily submitting to a villainous madman's will all because he was envious of Thor. He knew Thor found something compelling in that version of events, and he couldn't stand the idea of Thor walking around with Brokk's words in his head and on his tongue, pity on his face. Better that Thor still despised him for his attempt to conquer Midgard. Easier, anyway.
In the immediate aftermath of the experience on Svartalfheim, Thor seemed the most looming reason Loki could not stay, but he was hardly the only one. He could not imagine returning to a life where he could bump into Odin at any moment of any day, one where he would be expected to regularly sup at the same table with him. Even his mother he would rather avoid, at least for a while. The near break-down he'd had in front of her right after returning from Jotunheim, almost frothing at the mouth like a mad dying animal, was embarrassing. And her sentimental notions were often difficult to bear, even suffocating at times. And he should smile and make polite conversation with Asgardians of high rank who may have been the ones to suggest he be executed or placed in permanent suspended existence? Or who now saw him as a traitor for returning the Ice Casket to Jotunheim? Never mind that Thor and even Odin approved, in the end. He smiled in a moment of dark humor. After that incident, if they ever found out he was himself a Frost Giant they'd want to flay him alive. But no, that wasn't right – finding out he was a Frost Giant would be enough, all on its own.
He tested the range of motion in his hand – fully returned, if a bit stiff – thanked Eir for her treatment and promised to periodically stretch the hand per her direction, and left for the palace. Eir had cleaned the area of his wounds, but he still desperately needed his own bath. It would have to be a quick one, though, because after that, he had arrangements to make.
/
/
"Rice?" Frigga echoed.
"Mm-hm," Jane said, savoring another bite before putting her fork down. "Oh, wait, do you not have rice here?"
"No, we have rice. Well, not here on Asgard, actually. It's grown on Vanaheim and Nidavellir, though. But as a dessert?"
"You have to try it! It's easy to make, even I can do it, as long as I set a timer and don't get distracted and let it cook too long…" – Jane paused for a laugh tinged with embarrassment, even though she reminded herself that Queen Frigga of Asgard probably didn't do much cooking either – "which does happen sometimes. But it really is easy. You just soak the rice, then cook it, then add in some sugar, a little bit of salt, a cinnamon stick, cook it some more while it thickens up. That's it. There are a lot of variations, some people add butter, or raisins, and there's a Thai version with coconut milk that's good, too. But this one's my favorite."
"Because it has the simplest recipe, or the best results?"
"Well…I learned to make it with my family in Guatemala. Arroz con leche, they call it, rice with milk. Guatemala is…well, it's in another part of Midgard, a long way from home. It was a research trip for my mom, she was learning from one of the indigenous people groups, but my dad and I went with her on that trip. It was the last summer we had together. Good memories," she said with a little half-shrug. She hadn't really meant to get that personal with a comment about rice pudding, but the story went where it went, and she'd already told Frigga about her family, so it didn't seem like such a big deal to tell her about it.
"Do you prepare it often?" Frigga asked, heart aching for Jane, but not lingering on it since Jane wasn't. Frigga hadn't been ready to lose her parents when it happened, either, but she couldn't imagine losing them at such a young age as Jane had.
"Yeah, I mean, relatively speaking. It's one of my go-to dishes. So what do you usually have for dessert here? According to Loki, the food here is so much better than on Earth, so you must have some really incredible desserts."
"Loki has exacting standards," Frigga said with laughter that echoed the good humor in which Jane had spoken. "He's not easy to please. Different from Thor in that regard. I doubt you got any complaints from Thor about the food, unless he was in a particularly sour mood."
"No, no complaints from Thor. He was pretty enthusiastic actually. But to be fair, at the South Pole we don't have many fresh ingredients. The food is great, given the limitations, but everybody misses having plenty of fresh produce. So I get it."
"Mmmm. We do appreciate fresh ingredients on Asgard. Desserts often feature colorful fresh fruit, perhaps served in fortified juice, or with cream, or arranged atop a pastry. Vendors sell fruit sticks outdoors, pieces of fruit frozen in a bit of juice."
"Oh! And sweet logs."
"Loki told you about those?" Frigga asked after a second's confusion. "He does love them."
"He told me about them, he said they were much better than the granola bars we have on Earth. But…in this case I have to admit he was right, because I also got to try them. When we went to the Harvest Festival. Um…you know," she added awkwardly, not sure if it was okay to reference time travel here, when keeping it secret was taken so seriously.
"Loki did say he bought you sweets. I'd forgotten. He bought you a sweet log?"
"Mm-hm. Two. One with vindula honey and one with clover honey."
"Fine choices for sampling. Those are two very different honeys."
"I didn't even know honey could be that different, and they were both so good," Jane said, mouth watering despite the fact that she was still full from dinner.
"And now that you don't have to pretend you weren't there…you attended Harvest Festival. I assume it was Loki's choice, your…destination? Why then?"
"He knew I was curious. What it was really like here. What it was like growing up here." Jane broke into laughter. "But we arrived in the big stadium, um, the arena, and at first I thought that was all he was going to show me and I was trying to pretend to be interested, but of course I wasn't fooling him. I think he chose that day because he wanted me to have fun, and I know he also wanted to convince me that, um, that what he was doing was safe. I guess a big public holiday made it easier to walk around without standing out as strangers. And he said he chose that year because it was the first year you turned the harvest celebration into a festival, so it would be okay if I looked surprised at things. Probably also because it was a special day for him. I'm sure he wouldn't admit it, but I think maybe he wanted to see it again, too."
"The day he marched with the pipers, yes. You know, I still can't fully fathom it, but I'm glad you got to see it, you and Loki both. He's been through such difficult times lately. That was a truly happy day, and I hope revisiting it brought him joy."
Jane nodded, but she was only half-listening now, distracted by the memory of something else Loki had later told her. "Loki figured it out, you know. Why the pipers and lines marched in the parade only that one year."
"Did he?" Frigga asked, smiling faintly. "We were trying different ideas the first few decades. Including the pipers and lines was one of them."
"That's basically what he told me at first. But it was more than that, right? He told me how he was stuck in bed sick all day on his birthday that year and missed the chance to play in it then, so you must have arranged a whole festival just to make it up to him."
"Make it up to him…yes…"
"Frigga," Odin said in a chiding tone. "There's nothing to worry about. The ceremony will be short. Perfunctory. I've already ensured the boys will be kept at a distance."
"I would know my son even at a distance, Odin," she said, the sharpness of the recurring argument worn down by weariness. Her bare feet were up on the chair, legs drawn up to her chest.
"We've been with him for ten years. They saw him for a few days, a week at most, an infant, and in a different body. He will be safe, my love. If I wasn't fully certain of that I wouldn't allow him in their presence."
"I have tried, Odin. I have tried to accept this, to tell myself as you do that all will be well. But I can't do it. They'll see him, and…his mother will see him, and she'll know. I know that she'll know. I don't care that they abandoned him, a mother will look into her child's eyes and know. I cannot allow them to see him. Especially her."
Odin sighed, and stood up from where he'd been leaning over her. "We have had this argument more than enough times. What do you propose? It's too late to try to tell Loki there's some journey you wish him to join you on. They know this is happening. They're excited about witnessing the affirmation of the truce. Neither would voluntarily miss it, and I've already told you I won't bar them from attending. They're my sons, and they should be there."
"Loki will not be there." She lifted her head to face him. To face her own conscience.
She'd told Odin the idea that came to her during those sleepless hours. A shadow haunting the dark recesses of her mind, growing and maturing and taking solid shape. She hated it, and she hated herself. But it was infinitely better than the alternative.
"Oh! I was supposed to tell you something I told Loki I was going to, if I ever got to meet you."
"And what is that?" Frigga prompted, forcing a warm smile back to her face, though it still didn't match Jane's.
"That you're a seriously awesome mom. And Loki said I could tell you that he…concurs with that assessment. Those were his exact words. Seriously. He hates the Jotuns so much that it's hard for him to imagine that anyone could know the truth about him and not hate him, too. And when he realized what you'd done for him and of course that you knew all along he was Jotun…I think it really meant a lot to him. You should've seen his face when he told me about it."
"I love Loki with all my heart. I have from that very first night, when Odin brought him home. He needed us, and…he fit with us in a way I can't fully explain. But I've made plenty of mistakes along the way, Jane. Even the pipers and lines that day…I did that partly out of guilt, and I never meant for him to know about it."
"Whatever else was going on, you did it out of love. And I saw with my own eyes how happy he was that day."
"It was a happy day for all of us," Frigga said with a smile. What Jane had raised was a story for Loki's ears, not one to weigh down this evening. "Forgive me, I don't mean to be dour. We've had many happy days. And I have hope that we'll have many more. And you, my dear, you had quite a first visit to Asgard that day."
"It was amazing. But actually, it was my second visit to Asgard. I guess the first one, um, well, doesn't really count," Jane said, swiping her glass from the table and taking a sip of the diluted sweet red wine she'd been served. Oops. She eyed the wine then set the glass right back down. Maybe not quite diluted enough.
"Oh? Was there another…incident?" Jane was not the natural dissembler Loki was. Whatever Jane had begun to tell before deciding she shouldn't have was going to come out, and they would see just how much of it needed to come out.
"No, no, not like that. It was…you know, regular travel."
"And what of Asgard did you see?"
"Oh, nothing, really, I mean, literally nothing," Jane answered nervously.
"You were blindfolded?"
"No! No, of course not. I just never made it past the far end of the bridge. So I didn't see anything else."
"The bridge is a strange destination."
"It was the only one possible at first. Pathfinder creates a connection between itself and Yggdrasil. And its default exit point was at the opposite end, over the observatory."
"The observatory was destroyed well over a year ago."
"Um…yeah. I'm sorry. I just…Loki had said something about Thor being injured in an explosion. And it was different back then, between us, he wasn't interested in talking to me about anything, and…all that time I'd been doing my best not to worry too much about Thor. Worrying about someone when there's nothing you can do for them doesn't do either of you any good. I just told myself he'll be fine. He's Thor, you know? Of course he'll be fine. And what Loki said really scared me. So I…well, it's not exactly the first time I did something rash and…probably kind of stupid."
"You used Pathfinder to come to Asgard. By yourself."
Jane hesitated for only second before smiling weakly. "I did."
"And?" Frigga prompted. Nothing Jane had said yet explained her initial reaction to unintentionally bringing up that first journey to Asgard.
"Well…the termination point was the observatory. And like you said…no observatory."
Frigga drew in a quick breath as comprehension dawned. "It released you exactly where the bifrost would have set you down…the exact same location?"
Jane grimaced and nodded. "I fell."
"Oh, my dear Jane, you must have been terrified," Frigga said, rising and coming over to Jane to embrace her, before drawing back and clasping one of her hands. "How did you survive?"
"Loki followed me. He figured out what I'd done and followed me. He had already been here, he knew about the problem with the observatory, but he never mentioned that little detail, or really anything about what happened when he came here before that. The next thing I knew I was caught by a net and he was levitating me back up and over to the bridge. I'm really lucky he was able to follow me so quickly."
"Loki saved you."
"Yeah. He was pretty put out by it, too. Like I said, things were different then," Jane said, smiling weakly.
Frigga gave Jane's hand another squeeze, then moved her chair a little closer to Jane and sat again. "And then what happened?"
"Nothing," Jane answered with a shrug, no hesitation.
Oh, Jane. You are an amateur compared to Loki. Frigga just sat there, smiling politely. Expectantly.
"No, really. It's just kind of embarrassing that I ran off like that without thinking. I knew you were at war, and I didn't give any thought to what I was walking into."
"You followed your heart. There's nothing embarrassing about that, Jane. Listen to me, dear, I told you before that I'm grateful to you. Nothing you can say, nothing you did in the past will ever change that." Frigga watched Jane squirm just a few seconds more before she realized she'd made an incorrect assumption. "It wasn't you, was it? What did Loki do? I'm not a magistrate, I'm his mother. It's obvious that whatever happened, you haven't condemned him for it, and believe me when I say that I won't either."
Jane bit her lip. Frigga looked as friendly and warm as ever, but she was also implacable. There was steel behind that smile, and Jane caved. "He may have sort of handcuffed me to the gate on the bridge and left me there for a few hours in all my Extreme Cold Weather gear so he could go into the city."
Frigga sat back and didn't respond for a moment. She hadn't expected that. She'd thought perhaps Loki had taken Jane and gotten up to some kind of mischief, perhaps some very unfortunate mischief. "Handcuffed you…do you mean he shackled your wrists? Like a prisoner?"
"Yyyyeah, pretty much. There was no trust between us then. He lied to me all the time, or just didn't tell me things, and I was still afraid of him, sometimes…for a while there I didn't think he was going to come back and I was going to die of dehydration. He told me he was coming back," Jane hastened to add at Frigga's growing look of horror; like Loki, she probably also hadn't realized how dangerous wearing multiple layers of ECW gear on a warm sunny day was for humans. "And he did. I just didn't trust him enough to believe him, not when I was sweating buckets and scared."
"Trust has to be earned…and restraining you against your will certainly did nothing to earn yours in him. Did he apologize?"
"Not that day. He was in such a bad mood when he came back, and really wrapped up in himself. He knew he was being an a- a jerk, but he didn't know he was putting me in any actual danger. He apologized later."
If Loki came back in an exceptionally bad mode, then probably, Frigga suspected, this was when Loki had come to believe that all of Asgard considered him a traitor. As much as she sympathized with him for that, it didn't excuse his behavior. "Loki would never have done something like that before, not to a woman, not to anyone who hadn't first swung a blade at him. And you would have the right to report him for it. It's a violation of the law."
"It's a violation of the law where I'm from, too. I forgave him, though. It was a point in his favor that he'd saved my life the same day, even though at the time in his mind that made it perfectly okay for him shackle me to the gate. I know he wouldn't do anything like that now."
"Loki used to be the most meticulous planner. Thor rushed headlong into whatever idea caught his fancy, and Loki held back to consider, and to caution his brother. They balanced each other well. After Loki found out about his birth, of course…by his behavior he became almost unrecognizable, a warped version of who he used to be. He was so angry, and as rash as Thor ever was. I'm disappointed in him, that he was so thoughtless and uncaring toward you that day, and I'm sure many others as well, but I'm not surprised. And I'm so pleased by the friendship you developed despite the callous disregard I'm sure he regularly treated you and everyone else at the South Pole with at first. It was obvious what he was doing when we all sat down together, to speak of that particular activity you undertook there, when he seemed to minimize that friendship, or even to insult you. He wanted to protect you by separating you from what he'd done, and that made me proud, even if it was a little painful to observe. He tried to act as though he didn't care at all about you, but I saw what he truly feels."
"It was annoying but I know he meant well," Jane agreed. "And I know he didn't mean to be so transparent about it."
"He wasn't so transparent. But he's my son, and I understand him more than most."
"Can I ask…"
"Please do. Don't feel shy."
"How's he doing? You told me what he did to end the war, so I know what he's done, but how is he?"
Frigga sat back for a moment – it wasn't an easy question – then reached over for her wine glass and gave it a little swirl before taking a sip and setting it down in front of her. "I'm concerned for him. I'm hopeful, mind you, but I am still concerned. He's been keeping to himself. I last saw him two days ago, right after he returned from Jotunheim. I only know a little of what happened there, enough to know that it was difficult for him. Perhaps he'll tell you more. It would be good for him, I think, to be able to share it with a friend, and one who wasn't raised with our attitudes."
"I'll try. He might talk to me, assuming I get some time with him at some point."
"I'm certain that Loki will want that, Jane, even if it might be a challenge to arrange amidst everything else. I, too, am glad to be able to speak with you, by the way. It's difficult for me, as well. To see him struggle. Loki has been a grown man for a very long time now. But I don't think I'll ever stop wishing I could fix things for my children. To soothe aching hearts and take away pain. I speak not only of Loki, you know," Frigga said, worry lines fading. "I worried about Thor when he was banished so suddenly. If only I'd known his first encounter with mortals would be with such a kind and generous person, perhaps I wouldn't have worried so much."
"Oh, let's not start that again. I definitely don't deserve to be on anyone's pedestal. I wasn't all that kind or generous to either of your sons when I first met them. Thor was getting in the way of the most incredible thing I'd ever seen, and I thought Loki was some guy SHIELD sent to spy on me."
"And I'm confident that neither of them did anything to merit better treatment when they first met you. Yet you befriended both."
"Well…it turned out Thor was part of the most incredible thing I'd ever seen, and Loki I was pretty much stuck with. It's really all one huge fluke of circumstance. Loki would probably say it was fate," she added with a laugh. "I just happened to be in New Mexico, tracking these auroras that turned out to be a reflection of Yggdrasil. A few months earlier and I wouldn't have been in New Mexico at all, much less in exactly the right spot. A few months later and I probably wouldn't have been there anymore, either. I was almost out of money. But Thor showed up when he did and my life hasn't been the same since. I have all the research funding I could ever want, I'm conducting research from the best location on Earth for my branch of astrophysics research…and now I'm on Asgard, learning from the king of Alfheim and having dinner with you…it's just…you know, when I realized I was basically locked out of the academic community, the most I hoped for was that as an independent researcher I could put together enough solid evidence backing my theories to publish a paper in one of the top journals. Not so much for the paper itself, but to be able to point my finger to something that says, you don't have to agree with me, but you do have to take me seriously. That's part of how scientific advancement happens – we build on each other's work. And now…they're calling some of my ideas 'the Foster Theory.' And okay, I didn't exactly ask to have my name attached to it quite like that…but it's gratifying."
"I'm sure it is," Frigga said," beckoning Jane to come with her to the next room, where they could more comfortably lounge. A servant followed, bringing them fresh drinks. "So you've achieved your goal, one of them at least – your peers must reckon with your work, and in doing so, they will build on it, conduct their own research, and expand the understanding of the phenomena you study. You're very young, to have accomplished so much. To have made such a mark on your world."
Jane took a deep breath as she considered it. "It's been a whirlwind. I went to the South Pole to study neutrinos and dark matter and dark energy, because I wanted to improve our understanding of Einstein-Rosen bridges. But then when we figured out the Yggdrasil was an Einstein-Rosen bridge, we started collecting a lot more data on Yggdrasil, and that sent the research in new directions. When you get right down to it, I wanted to scientifically prove the existence of traversable Einstein-Rosen bridges…and then I wanted to figure out how to artificially generate one." She glanced away for a second, then looked back at Frigga with a sheepish smile and hoped she wasn't literally blushing. "That last is because of Thor. When he left, that time in New Mexico, he promised he'd come back for me…and he didn't. I wanted to find Asgard. I wanted to find Thor."
"When you set your mind on something, you're very determined, aren't you?"
Jane nodded over a sip of wine.
As is Thor, Frigga thought. As is Loki. "And you've achieved those goals, too. You didn't generate an entirely new bridge, but you located an existing one, and found a way to connect to it. You found Asgard, and you found Thor."
"Loki helped, but yeah." She shook her head in amazement, thinking back on it all. With every passing day all of this – Asgardians and Light Elves and Jotuns, ravens and magic and strolling around on other planets – was becoming more normal. She hoped she'd never stop being amazed by it, though. "Now I have a ton of data from Yggdrasil. It's going to keep me busy for a while. But that's not exactly a bad problem. And Pathfinder was my best collector but I've still got all my other ones out on the roof of the DSL, so I'll keep gathering more data, too. I think after the Pole, I'll need to look into putting together a team of researchers to help go through it all. I don't know. Honestly I haven't put a lot of thought into how to follow up on everything after the Pole. But there's only so much that automated analysis programs can do for you."
"I'm sure you haven't had much time for figuring out the rest of your plans."
"That's true," Jane said with a warm laugh. "Things have pretty hectic until the last few days, and even then, it's been extra busy."
"For us all," Frigga agreed.
"What about Thor? How has he been? With everything going on with Loki, it's easy to forget that Thor's been through a lot, too."
"I think he's well. He's been under a great strain, though. Thor isn't often the one overlooked, between my two boys. Loneliness can haunt anyone, be they surrounded by many or few or none. But there is a unique loneliness in being king. Who can you confide in? Even your closest friends are also your subjects, and bound to your commands. To whom, as king, can you confess weakness, or worry, or doubt?"
"I guess I never thought about it like that. It must change a lot of your relationships. I'm not his subject, though. He can talk to me."
"Yes. I'm glad of that, Jane."
As Frigga spoke, a woman quietly slipped in through the open doorway to the sitting room they now occupied and went to one knee before the queen.
"Yes, Totra?"
"His Majesty the All-Father wishes you to know that he has returned, and looks forward to learning about your day."
"Thank you, Totra. You may tell him that I'll join him later, and I also look forward to learning about his day."
"I should let you go," Jane said as the servant departed. "I've taken up enough of your time, Your Majesty."
Frigga stopped Jane from rising with a hand lightly over her arm. "Not at all. That was not a summons. Merely our way of inquiring into each other's well-being. An expression of affection when it must be done through servants."
"An 'I love you'?"
Frigga inclined her head in assent.
"How did you meet?" Jane asked, thinking that sounded kind of sweet, not an adjective it would ever occur to her to apply to Odin. "How do you meet the All-Father of Asgard? If it's okay to ask."
"It is, and he wasn't always the All-Father of Asgard, of course. He was once Prince Odin, young and brash, a smile to melt a glacier and a temper to crumble mountains. Thor is much like Odin in this regard. Loki got his stubbornness. But the story of how we met is thus: I was working in a tailor's shop, a leathercrafter, minding the shop on my own with little expectation of customers, because it was raining, as the gauges had warned. It would have been closed, but for the anticipated delivery that day of a new batch of hides from the tannery."
"Because the Aesir put off their plans until the next day if it's raining," Jane filled in, remembering what Loki had told her the day they'd gone to Alfheim.
"For the most part, yes," Frigga agreed, laughing. "When it was nearly midday, the door opened, and quite unexpectedly it was not the delivery service but rather the eldest prince strolling inside. I hurried to take his cloak and hang it for him. I was so startled and nervous but I was determined to be on my best behavior. You see, I'd heard that he sometimes carried out inspections of local undertakings, and that those unscheduled visits could lead to a windfall for a merchant who managed to impress him, or shuttered doors on a shop that was in violation of building or safety laws, or who perhaps offended him in some way. No need to look like that, Jane, I didn't know for certain then but learned later, he wasn't acting vindictively against merchants and crafters. But he had his circle of friends, and through them word would sometimes get out of a less successful visit. Some of those who were hurt by it claimed that it was intentional retribution, though, and this was one of his lessons in guarding more carefully what he shared with his friends, once he learned what some were saying."
"Because you told him?"
"Yes. But that came later. We exchanged some pleasantries, all very formal, perfunctory, even. The trouble began when he informed me he was interested in purchasing a vest."
"Trouble?" Jane echoed, eyebrows rising.
"Did someone say trouble? Tell me the source, Jane, and I'll ensure it never troubles you again."
"You're back!" Jane said, jumping up and letting Thor enfold her in his arms.
/
Responses to a few guest reviews: "Brynn Reaper": That's one of my fave bits of that chapter, Loki being so blase about the body. And he gets the bonus of knowing it makes Thor uncomfortable. The bit with the green cloth came up earlier, though it's only explicitly laid out in a story I haven't put on here - Loki's birth mother wrapped him in that cloth, before leaving him. The horse bit was a nice moment for Thor & Loki to relax with each other...just a little. Re Baldur, yeah, from Loki's perspective, why go there? It's in the very distant past and he sees nothing to be gained from dredging it up. / Guest (June 2): I don't think Thor ever doubted that confession. By the time Loki made it, he'd already been found guilty years earlier, and Thor already believed then that he was guilty; the confession didn't really change anything in that regard. The issue will come up again. / Guest (June 3): Thank you! / "Elie": Fair warning all along that this is not romance genre. :-) / "C": Mwah-ha-ha-ha, I always have a plan! Yeah, there's more than one thing going on there but that is absolutely one of them. "Defending yourself when everyone believes you're guilty does no good," is probably permanently in his subconscious. / Guest (June 11): Welcome to the story, glad it didn't mess up your priorities, ha! Thanks, re that pinky inside joke bit - a sign of things shared between Jane and Loki...and no one else. And don't worry, I don't think any writer ever complained about a long review. :-) / "Star": Welcome! And thanks so much. Re the time travel, yeah, it's often (usually?) done in an illogical way. I researched it and chose a theory (the one mentioned in the story) to follow that worked for the story. This theory makes causality paradoxes impossible. Your theory - which is a good one, hold on to it - as is would actually create a paradox, so that's not it. Were it so, though, you're right, Loki would be devastated. As for Thor I honestly don't blame him in this. There was evidence against Loki, and Loki changed his story (lied) more than once during the investigation/trial. It's understandable from Loki's perspective why he did that, but from everyone else's perspective it just looks like he was lying all along and finally gave up on the lies and confessed. And yes, this will come up again.
Previews for Ch. 188: Jane's evening on Asgard continues...
Excerpt:
"It is," Thor said, opening the door and stepping back for Jane to enter. He allowed a broad grin only when her back was to him. He'd been eager to bring Jane here, eager for her to enjoy it, but now he felt an unexpected flash of nerves. Asgard's development still surpassed Midgard's in many ways, but Midgard had also developed some things that Asgard had not. Thor knew this from the few days he'd spent there, but he also knew that he'd had only tiny glimpses of the realm, and could not be certain what Jane would find new and exciting. He would have to keep his enthusiasm under control, in case she didn't love this as much as he hoped she would.
