Chapter 5: Alone in this

With a sad sigh, Uryu sorted one of his kitchen items again. He was making 3 piles. One for necessary things he had to take with him no matter what, one for things he'd try to sell, and a maybe pile, which were things he could use but could not take with him all at once. He'd try to stack some of the latter items, like his kettle, a bucket and a box of suds, in the storage room at school where he kept the needlework club belongings until he could use them. Tomorrow was his final day in this apartment, so he would take some of these items to school in the morning, and the morning after, when he would have to hand over his keys.

Sorting all his stuff was causing him a lot of stress. He'd spent the last 2 days going through all his belongings like this, painstakingly deciding what to do with each and every item. He didn't own that many things, but he was attached to the few items he had in his possession.

His unseemly cold ex-father had left him with very little time and a lot of worries.

He did not have a lot of savings, as his father had never shared his wealth with him. Uryu had had to scrape together every yen he owned to be able to save a little for emergencies. He'd have to take everything he could do without to a pawn shop, just to be able to buy some food for the time being. That thought pained him, but he didn't have other options.

He still hadn't asked any of his friends if he could stay over for a few nights. He'd tried to approach them at school, but… ever since he'd become the subject of mockery and gossip after Ichigo'd outed him, it seemed even Sado and Orihime tried to avoid him as much as possible at the moment. He suspected it had less to do with the fact that he was into guys, and more with the idea that he was in love with Ichigo. Those 2 still acknowledged him when entering class, but they were always occupied during breaks. Even though he had to hold on to the belief one of them would be willing to help him out, even for just a few days, he was anxious as to bring something like this up.

Uryu'd tried to talk to Ichigo after school, but to no avail. Ichigo was angry and simply ignored him. He now knew that the other boy was suffering tremendously because he'd seen the truth about what happened during their captivity, and although Uryu couldn't undo any of those horrific events, he just wanted to let Ichigo know that he didn't hold any of that against him.

Sighing again, as he looked at the box of items he was going to pawn, he pushed his glasses back up his nose. Cursing inwardly at himself for spilling to the Substitute that he'd taken so much from him… He'd never, ever wanted to say those words, but Ichigo had hurt him so much at that time and he hadn't been strong enough to hold that back anymore. It was hard to cope with everything that had happened all by himself. And thanks to his coldhearted father, his already messed up life had now become even worse.

Uryu still wanted to ask Ichigo if he could stay at his house, if the other boy would take the time to hear him out. He could probably rule out Orihime, as Ichigo would not like that idea. Sado was obviously not all that pleased with the idea that he was gay, but they were still friends. Right?

Not wanting to put all his money on one horse, Uryu'd decided to visit Urahara. The former captain of the 12th division had been kind to him before. After their rescue from Szayelaporro's lab, he'd let him and the Substitute stay over for a few nights also, so the Quincy hoped he could call on a favor like that this time around, too.

Sighing again, Uryu put his rice cooker into the box of items he was going to sell. If it came to the worst case scenario and he wouldn't find a place to stay, there was no way he could take items like that with him. His stomach made an anxious flip at the thought he would be forced to sleep in a park or under a bridge… But he was certain it wouldn't come to that. One of his friends would be willing to help him out, he was sure of it.

Putting on his shoes and jacket, Uryu decided he was going to pass by the pawn shop on the way over to Urahara's. Killing two birds with one stone.


With a heavy sigh, Uryu closed the door of the old pawn shop after him, making the chimes on the outside ring. He'd been forced to sell all the items he couldn't take with him, but the amount of money he got for them was disappointing.

Disillusioned, the Quincy recounted the cash he'd gotten. It was less than he'd hoped, but he'd have to make do. It wasn't like he had a choice anyway. He'd always taken good care of his belongings and kept them meticulously clean. Parting with those things made it really sink in that there was no way back and his life as he'd known it was now over.

It was late in the afternoon and he still had so much more to do, but right now, he wanted to visit Urahara. He wasn't going to bring up his problem right away, but he wanted to assess his chances by talking to the man first and then he would decide on what to do.

As he approached the strange shop, the little girl sweeping the porch in front of the entrance stopped for a second and looked at him. Then, she smiled in recognition.

"Are you here to see Urahara-san?" She asked politely, but didn't wait for him to answer. "I'll inform him that you're here."

"Thank you, Ururu-chan." Uryu smiled back at her.

"Please, enter." The girl motioned towards the traditional entrance, before dashing inside.

Uryu swiftly toed off his shoes and put them down neatly before the genkan step. He'd only taken 2 steps towards the sitting area when the mysterious shopkeeper walked up to him.

"Ah, Ishida-san."

Uryu bowed politely. "Good afternoon, Urahara-san."

The man gave him an equally graceful bow in return. "It is a good afternoon indeed. The weather is nice and I just had an epiphany about a new invention of mine."

Uryu smiled a little at that, while the shopkeeper happily rambled on about his invention. Intriguing but quirky as always, he thought.

"It's been some time. How have you been, Ishida-san?"

"I'm alright," Uryu lied. He wasn't alright by a longshot, but he couldn't just start by spilling something like that.

"That's good to hear. After how you were brought in after your imprisonment, I often wondered about how Ichigo and you were doing."

The Quincy didn't respond to that, but just followed the former captain. As they rounded a corner and entered the area with the traditional low table, he spotted Renji sitting on one of the cushions. "Please take a seat, Ishida-san. I'll go make us some tea, then we can talk." Urahara exited the room and Uryu's eyes immediately went over to the Shinigami, who was looking rather uncomfortable to be left alone with him.

"Umm… Hey, Ishida." Renji shot him a halfhearted smile, as if he wasn't sure how to talk to him.

"Hey, Abarai," Uryu answered while lowering himself down onto a cushion opposite to the red-head.

"So… What brings you here?"

"Just wanted to talk to Urahara-san about something." Uryu noticed how Renji avoided eye-contact for the time being. The Shinigami knew about what had happened in Szayelaporro's lab. Not only that, but he'd seen actual footage of what had happened there. That thought made Uryu swallow. It was clearly affecting the Shinigami, too, as it seemed he didn't know how to react in his presence. "You?"

"Oh…" Renji rubbed the back of his head. "Just a mission in the human world. So I'll be staying over at Urahara's place for a while."

"Yeah, I figured," Uryu answered, still studying the other's body language. Inwardly he cursed. If Renji was already staying here, it would be difficult if he'd impose on Urahara as well. Even if he had room for the both of them, it was likely that Renji wouldn't be too fond of the idea of him staying over. Besides that, when Ichigo found out about this, he'd probably be angry, too, as staying over with a Shinigami wouldn't keep him out of the Hollows way. Which was one of the boy's reasons to push him away, or… at least, that was how Uryu'd taken that.

"So, umm…. How have you been holding up? I mean, you were in a really bad shape after that rescue and all…"

"Fine, I guess," Uryu lied.

"That's good!" Renji gave him an awkward smile. "At least, you seem in much better shape now."

Uryu sighed. They were both keeping up appearances in front of the other. He clenched his fists on top of his knees and looked down for a moment, contemplating. Renji had always acted like a big brother towards Ichigo, that much he knew. Maybe he would be willing to listen to him, too? Or maybe he could even lend a hand to mend things between him and Ichigo. Or in the least, Renji could perhaps give him more of an insight as to why Ichigo was acting so cold towards him now.

Pushing up his glasses, the Quincy wanted to take that chance and blurted out: "I know you know, Abarai." That made Renji gasp and straighten himself. Finally their gazes met as the Shinigami now gave him his full attention. "I know you've… seen… what has happened in that prison. My father… has told me."

"Crap." Renji sighed and rubbed the back of his head again. "Yeah, what that Espada showed us was… savage." The man swallowed, trying to form the right words to continue. Uryu felt his chest constrict as, unwillingly, snippets of those brutal events flooded his mind. He could only assume they'd seen everything. How Ichigo cut him open, how he was made to torture him, how he was forced to violently rape him… After a moment of silence the Shinigami asked: "Does Ichigo know that you're aware of what we saw?"

Uryu looked down again and clenched his fists, taking a wavering breath. Renji was a good person, but it wasn't like they'd had many conversations before. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that the red-head's primary concern right now was Ichigo, not him. Renji was an ally to him, but a friend to Ichigo. And that was about as far as their relationship went.

"N-no… I haven't told him," Uryu managed to answer and he heard Renji sigh in relief.

"Thank god, man! That's for the best. I mean… He made me promise not to tell anybody, and, " the Shinigami's voice got a more serious tone when he added, "Ichigo wanted to honor the sacrifices you made by… well, by feigning ignorance."

Uryu swallowed hard, closing his eyes. "I… I figured…" Yeah, that explained somewhat why Ichigo had felt so guilty and had so many issues forgiving himself. And why Ichigo'd taken pity on him to the point he'd made him believe he felt something for him. Ichigo had probably hoped Ryuuken would keep his mouth shut about the horrors they'd witnessed. Maybe he'd even counted on that, as the subject in question wasn't exactly nice to talk about.

"Yeah, Ichigo took that really hard, ya know," Renji continued, unknowing of what kind of feelings he was stirring inside the Quincy, while Uryu tried to keep his composure intact. "He was completely shocked when he found out what he did to you. For a hero like him to do something like that… I've never seen him like that, completely fallin' apart in front of me."

"I… I see…" Uryu managed to stammer, his chest constricting even more as his empathy towards Ichigo filled him with grief. That had been the reason he had wanted the other boy to stay unaware of what had really happened. To protect him from all of that. To spare him all that pain, but… Ichigo had known all along, ever since they'd been rescued. And now all those emotions and all that guilt were affecting the Substitute so badly that he wanted him to stay away from him, as he thought they were bad for each other. Even though Uryu had tried his best to keep all those horrors hidden from the person he loved, it wasn't meant to be…

"Ichigo has been on edge ever since your imprisonment. He almost killed you and that made him feel like a monster," Renji continued. "And after he found out about the way, ya know… you felt about him and all… he just went all train-wreck. It was just too much for him to take."

Uryu was staring at his knees and tried to keep his hands from trembling by clutching his pants. His inner turmoil was steadily spreading in his chest. It was really painful for him to hear how Ichigo had really been dealing with everything in the aftermath of their rescue, as he'd always avoided that subject with him. Uryu'd wanted to help him, too. Telling him countless times that he had really forgiven him and that he knew it wasn't Ichigo's fault, but… to no avail. Ichigo didn't want to listen to him. He didn't even want to talk to him anymore right now.

"He broke down in front of me, upset as hell and crying his heart out." Renji sighed. "It was a sight I'd rather not seen, but… he knows I'm there for him. I'll help him through this."

"That's… kind of you…" Uryu felt the emotions swirl inside of him, but he tried his best to push everything back down. It was nice to know that Ichigo was getting the support he deserved and needed from his friends. Renji was aware of the whole truth, so the Quincy could assume they talked about it. It was clear the red-head wanted to help the Substitute get past this nasty situation, but… when he'd told Ichigo he had no one to turn to, he'd been stating a sad fact. There really was no one he could talk to about this… He didn't have a friend like Renji. There was nobody that was concerned that much about him. Nobody that watched out for him like that. Not now Ichigo'd turned his back on him… Being completely alone in this made everything so much harder to bear.

"That's part of the reason why I'm here. I begged Captain Kuchiki to let me assist Ichigo in the world of the living for a while. Just so I could keep an eye on him, ya know. He seems to be dealing with everything far harder than you are."

Uryu had no answer to that. Everything the red-head had told him was really affecting him and he was stunned silent. His throat closed off from the emotions. Taking a wavering breath, he tried to keep his cool. Renji seemed to understand how hard their captivity had been on Ichigo, but going from the way he could talk about this subject unrestrainedly in front of him, the Shinigami probably couldn't grasp that he, too, had gone through hell and back in that prison.

"Ishida, you should go easy on Ichigo for now. Especially you, as you were there with him and know how much he's been through. He can't handle his own misery right now. If you pile up your problems on there too, that'd be bad for him. Don't go kickin' up memories he's trying to deal with, ya know." The Quincy's eyes went wide as that remark hit home. "I know about your feelings for him and all, and I won't judge, but I don't think now's the right time to…"

Looking down with wide eyes, Uryu felt another crack form in his broken heart. It was too much for him to handle right now. All of this. He had absolutely nobody that cared for him the way Renji did for Ichigo, or that wanted to help him through all the trauma's he'd sustained in that awful place. On top of that, he'd just been disowned and kicked out of his home by his own father, with positively nowhere to go.

He had hoped Renji wanted to listen to him, not give him a lecture on how he was bad for Ichigo, too.

He already knew that. Ichigo had told him so himself.

The Quincy couldn't hide the hurt on his face any longer, and Renji must've instantly picked up on that as he promptly shut up. His fragile self-esteem got another blow. As Uryu felt tears sting the back of his eyes, he quickly bit his lip as hard as he could and took a long exhale to try and keep his emotions under control. Yes, he was weak and stupid, but he was not going to cry in front of this man. He was absolutely not.

His voice broke as he tried: "Ichigo… doesn't even want to talk to me anymore, s-so…" Feeling ashamed at his own emotional display, he just shut himself up and tried to reign in his emotions. Digging his nails into the palm of his hands in the process.

"Whoa, Ishida. Keep it together, pal," Renji tried again. "I know it can't be easy on you either, but just… just consider Ichigo's wellbeing for a while, alright. Go easy on him for now."

Before Uryu could say something to that, Urahara walked in with Jinta. The latter was carrying a tray of senbei, while the former captain held a tray with a very old looking teapot and some matching cups.

"Allright, Jinta-kun. You've behaved, so you can go play for a while now, as per our agreement." The boy made a cheerful remark, before quickly grabbing a few of the soy-sauce lacquered crackers and quickly dashing out of the room.

That small reprieve had given the heavy-hearted Quincy a few seconds to keep his composure from crumbling. He quickly wiped his watery eyes before Urahara would notice and tried to fake a smile as he said. "Thank you, Urahara-san. You're too kind."

"Oh, it's my pleasure, Ishida-san." He poured him a fresh cup of steaming, green tea. "It was time for an afternoon snack, anyway."

Looking over at Renji, Uryu noticed how he was eying him attentively, while the shopkeeper was pouring him a cup of tea as well. The Quincy was not going to say anything about Ichigo anymore. It was no use anyway.

The only outcome of this conversation was that he no longer had the courage to ask Urahara if he could stay here for a few days. After everything that happened during his captivity, the major blow to his confidence and self-esteem were changes that he struggled with the most. Besides, with Renji staying over, it would've been troublesome for either him or Ichigo.

"So, Ishida-san, I'm all ears. What did you want to talk about?"

"O-oh…" Uryu looked at him and faked another smile. "I just wanted to tell you… how grateful I am for letting me and… I-Ichigo stay over after our rescue." Trying to hide all the emotions that were still assaulting his broken heart, he quickly made a deep bow towards the former captain. Eliciting a surprised laugh from the latter.

"There's absolutely no need, Ishida-san." Urahara smiled. "The pleasure was mine."

Renji was nibbling on one of the assorted crackers and was still watching him intently. Maybe he'd realized that his words had not exactly been nice towards him. Suddenly, the Shinigami's phone rang and he answered quickly.

"Rukia? Yeah. Another? I know where that is. Right. I'll be there in a sec." The Shinigami promptly stood up, taking another 2 senbei with him when he did.

"Another Hollow?" Asked Urahara. "There's been so many lately."

"Yeah, I gotta rush over. Thank's for the tea, Urahara." Before he dashed out of the room, he threw Uryu another serious look and said: "Ishida, don't mention anything about this to Ichigo, ya hear."

Uryu mumbled something, but Renji was already gone. Sighing, his shoulders slouched as he looked down again. A year ago, he would have never believed a simple conversation could have such an impact on him. He needed to clear his head and go home. There was no point in being here.

That's when Urahara took him by surprise.

"Now that that vice-captain is out of the way, can you tell me the real reason of your visit, Ishida-san?"

"Uh… But…" Uryu stammered, clutching fists again and looking up at the man in bewilderment.

Urahara gave him a soft smile. "Since I let you in here, you've become a lot paler than before. Did Renji say something inappropriate? I mean, that man has the heart in the right place, but sometimes, he's just such an oaf."

Uryu couldn't help but huff a soft laugh at that comment, which was good, as it helped him calm his overloaded nerves.

"Please eat some senbei, Ishida-san." The shopkeeper pushed the tray closer towards him. "You really look like you could use something to settle your stomach. And your blood pressure." Quickly he covered his face behind his fan.

Uryu didn't dare to refuse the salty snacks when they were presented right under his nose and took one between his fingers. And of course, the man was right, he could really eat something salty. "How do you know about my… blood pressure?" He asked while averting his eyes.

"Owww, come on, Ishida-san. I might be a little wacky, but I'm still a scientist. It's not that difficult for an eccentric geezer like myself to notice such things."

Uryu quickly ate the soy-sauce lacquered senbei in his hand and sipped from his tea. Urahara offered him some more, and for the sake of not feeling dizzy as soon as he'd stand up, after that loaden conversation with Renji, he accepted. He could do with a little more salt. "Thank you, Urahara-san. That's really considerate of you."

Urahara just gave him a smile again before sipping his tea. "So, did you want to talk about the loss of your powers?"

"Ah…" Uryu had in all honesty not been expecting that question, even though he really should've. After painful conversation number one, it seemed time for painful conversation number two. "Y-yes, indeed," he lied.

Urahara let out a deep exhale and stared at him for a second. "I'm really sorry, Ishida-san. I've done research and searched in all my books, but I have not yet been able to find a cure to restore your powers."

Uryu hadn't been expecting anything of the kind, but it still stung to have his suspicious confirmed. If the mysterious shopkeeper had been able to find anything, he would have contacted him by now. "I see."

"But don't give up hope yet. Maybe your father will find a solution." Uryu clenched his fists at that. No, that bastard was not going to do anything. "And I'll keep looking into it from my end, too."

"Thank you, Urahara-san."

"Can you answer a question, though?"

"Of course."

"When did you last use your powers?"

That made Uryu look up in surprise. Tapping his glasses into place to buy him a few seconds to try and not let the assault of the Vaste Lorde flood his mind. "During… a fight," he muttered.

"With a Hollow?" Urahara asked.

"Yes." He was not going to go into any further details, for both his and Ichigo's sake. He wouldn't even get the words out of his mouth anyway.

"And then what happened?"

Uryu tried to calm his nerves by taking a few slow sips of his tea. "When I woke up here, my powers were already gone. You know about that, don't you?"

"Yes, but still… it's very peculiar, Ishida-san. I've never seen this happen before. Now, of course, not that I know that many Quincy, but…"

"Yeah…" Finishing his cup before placing it back on the low table, Uryu really needed to get back home after this fruitless effort. "Thank you for your hospitality Urahara-san, but I really should get going now."

He bowed towards the man again, before they said their goodbyes and Uryu took off in the direction of his apartment.


Sighing in disappointment, even as a warm September breeze rustled his hair and clothes, Uryu was slowly walking into the direction of the place he could still call home for another day. He mentally cursed himself for not asking Urahara what he'd come to do in the first place.

As he approached a small playground, surrounded by lush trees and luxurious family residences, he could hear peculiar noises that immediately drew his attention. He quickly picked up his pace. Yes, those were definitely battle sounds. Could this be where Renji'd taken off to?

The Quincy swiftly made it to the edge of the playground, that featured a few swings, and elephant slide, a sandbox, and a climbing frame. The battle sounds were coming from the center.

Uryu saw Rukia fighting a hollow, the sunlight reflecting vividly on her Zanpakuto as she jumped into the air, flicking her sword. A little to the right from her, were Sado and Renji. Both occupied with a Menos Grande. To top that off, he caught a bit of orange in the corner of his eye and immediately knew Ichigo had just joined the fight. Hurling, the Substitute just threw himself into the battle, Zangetsu in his hand, ready to strike.

"Dammit…" The Quincy clenched his fists. Watching from the sidelines was not helpful for his glum mood at all. He wanted to join them and be of assistance to defeat those awful creatures. It just made his blood itch underneath his skin. Losing his powers had been excruciatingly hard on him. After he'd tried to kill captain Kurotsuchi, the loss of his powers had been hard to take, too, but at that time he would've done anything to get them back. However, this time around, after being held in Szayelaporro's lab, and being subjected to those horrible experiments, 'anything' sounded like a gruesome overstatement. It didn't make the loss of his powers any less frustrating, though.

Ichigo and Rukia had defeated the Hollow quite easily and were conversing when Rukia must've spotted him standing near the edge of the playground, framed by the tree line.

She shouted: "Stay back, Ishida. It's not safe here!"

Uryu promptly saw Ichigo turn around to confirm if he was really there. Their gazes met and the Substitute growled. The Quincy couldn't understand what he was muttering to Rukia, but he could just about guess it. The angry glare he got wasn't exactly cheering either.

The Quincy sighed, exasperated, and turned around. If just watching their battle was already annoying Ichigo, then he'd rather go away. He understood the other boy wanted to keep him safe, but he wasn't a helpless baby. They weren't in Szayelaporro's lab anymore. He wasn't wounded, famished and weakened. He could still take care of himself in a fight, even if he couldn't destroy Hollows anymore.

Either way, he still had so much to do to clear out his apartment and couldn't linger here any longer. He'd give it his all tomorrow at school to try and talk to Ichigo, to ask if he could stay for a few nights. If Ichigo refused, he'd ask Sado. It was going to be alright. At least, that's what he kept telling himself as to not think about other possible outcomes.

His next few strides were accompanied by a loud battle cry from Ichigo, as he'd undoubtedly charged at another foe. Suddenly, Uryu stopped. He thought he'd heard another sound mixed in with the fighting noises of his friends. A faint sob. He turned towards the playground again and tried to dull out the sounds Rukia and the others were making as he listened very closely. Then he heard it again! A sob. It was muted, but definitely there. Uryu squinted his eyes and looked closely around the playground. Suddenly, he saw a flash of movement from the corner of his eyes and immediately looked in that direction.

A toddler! He was hiding under the elephant slide, right in the middle of where Sado and Renji were both still fighting a Menos Grande!

"Crap!" Uryu shouted. He looked over to his friends, to signal there was a child in the middle of their battleground, but none of them looked in his direction.

One of the Menos Grande roared and fired a cero at Sado, too close to the slide. The toddler whimpered and curled up into a fetal position. Another roar sounded while one more Hollow appeared and started going in the direction of the kid.

He had to do something!

Uryu didn't think, he just moved!

Not being able to use Hirenkyaku, he ran as fast as he could. Even without his Quincy speed, he was still fast. He slid into the opening of the elephant, grabbed the child in his arms and rolled out on the other side. Right in time, as the Hollow crashed into the slide with a blast of noises.

Sado and Renji were startled by that and turned over to him. Grunting, Uryu pushed his body off of the ground, securely holding the toddler in his arms and quickly checking if he was alright.

Renji shouted: "Move, Ishida! I told you not to trouble Ichigo! Stay out of our fight, goddammit!"

"I'm just getting this boy out of here! See?" Uryu countered as he held the child into the air for them to notice. He scoffed. Yeah, he already knew Ichigo didn't want him there, but he had to get this child to safety. All of a sudden, the kid started wailing loudly and drew the attention of the other two Shinigami's. They hadn't even noticed him yet. If he hadn't been there, that kid might've…

Unfortunately, the cries of the boy also intrigued one of the Menos Grande, which immediately fired a cero in the direction of the noise. Quickly, Uryu ducked and protected the boy with his body, whispering a soothing phrase to him.

From the other side of the playground, he heard Ichigo shout: "Ishida! Get away from here! Dammit!"

Standing back up again, with a sniveling child still pressed against his chest, Uryu's eyes locked with Ichigo's for a brief moment. He saw both worry and annoyance on the latter's face and a surge of aggravation shot through him, activating his rebellious side and a dash of Quincy pride. He didn't want to upset Ichigo, but he was going to show him he could handle this situation! They all seemed to think he was incapable, and he just had to prove them wrong.

"Stay back, Ishida!" Sado shouted. "You're going to get hurt!"

The Quincy shifted the boy in his arms and started running to the sidelines of the playground as fast as he could. The child was still crying and made a lot of noise. "Hush", Uryu said, "you're going to be fine. My friends are fighting those monsters." With a loud roar, another cero was fired at them and the Quincy jumped out of the way with the boy still pressed against him.

Uryu clasped a hand over the boy's mouth and said: "Listen, boy, if you stop making those noises, the monsters won't fire at us anymore." The boy continued sobbing, so he tousled his hair and said: "You'll be okay. I'll keep you safe. But try to be as quiet as possible."

The boy nodded cautiously. "O-okay, mister."

Meanwhile, Rukia had defeated the Hollow she was fighting with Ichigo and glanced in their direction.

"Get that child out of here, Ishida!" She shouted.

"I'm working on that!" Uryu replied, before lowering his voice as to not upset the boy again. "Please, stop crying. It lures the monsters to us. It'll be over any minute. I promise."

As he glanced over his shoulder, he noticed that Renji and Sado had defeated the Menos Grandes and were talking things over. The boy had calmed down a little and was making a lot less noise. The Quincy put him down for a moment and kneeled before him so they could see eye to eye.

"There, there." Uryu ruffled his hair again. "That's a good boy."

"T-thank you, mister," he shyly answered, tears still brimming in his eyes.

"What's your name?"

"Takeshi."

"Well, Takeshi-kun, have you seen monsters like these before?" The boy nodded. It was unusual for a boy this young to see them. Even Ichigo's sisters hadn't been able to at that age. Of course, Yuzu still couldn't see them. Takeshi must have great spiritual potential, but they couldn't discuss that right now. "If you see them again, get away fast, you hear." The boy nodded again.

"Where do you live?" Uryu asked. The boy pointed to one of the houses surrounding the playground. "Good. I'll make it fast." Uryu picked him up again and started sprinting in that direction. Although the fight seemed to be over, it was best to get Takeshi home as soon as possible.

Suddenly he heard Ichigo shout: "Ishidaaaa!"

Uryu sensed movement behind him and looked over his shoulder. Right into the face of another Hollow which was already firing up a cero. He gasped, startled. Everything went extremely fast. His reflexes went full throttle and he quickly jumped to the side, while hugging Takeshi to his chest, protecting him, as the creature's powerful blast hit the nearest tree.

Uryu landed on one knee, facing the Hollow, following its every move. Damn. He was not used to fighting like this. If he'd had his powers, he'd sensed that thing 2 miles away. He'd never almost gotten caught in a cero like this, so he most definitely couldn't afford to let his guard down for another second. Adrenaline was pumping through his body and he couldn't help but smirk. He'd missed this feeling. And although he knew he couldn't take any of the enemies out, he was going to get Takeshi home. He hadn't planned to get involved in the fight, but right now he didn't have a choice anymore.

Hopefully, the others would see he could still be of assistance to them after all.

The boy started crying again, so Uryu quickly covered his mouth to draw the least attention towards them. From the corners of his eyes, the Quincy could see Ichigo and the others running over to him. When the Hollow charged him, he quickly jumped backwards, aiming for a graceful landing out of the line of fire. But… as he was still in midair, he gasped as he noticed too late how an even bigger Hollow was coming up from behind him. Shit! Before his feet were back on the ground, he felt a sharp pain shoot through him as the creature roared loudly, piercing his right shoulder with a cero from close by.

Takeshi screamed while Uryu's blood gushed out over his clothes. The impact threw the Quincy backwards to a nearby tree, hitting his head in the process, while breaking the fall for the child in his arms.

"Fuuuck!" He heard Ichigo scream. "Ishidaaa!"

Groaning, Uryu tried to get up while one of the Hollows closed in on him. The hit to the head had made him dizzy and made his movements slow. The boy wailed again, drawing the creature's attention. The Quincy tried to cover his mouth once more, while he pushed himself upright with his trembling left arm on another groan. He shook his head to try and stop his vision from spinning. He'd taken more damage that he would've if he'd had his Quincy powers. He didn't have any spiritual pressure anymore, and clearly felt the strain on his body.

Trying to assess the situation, Uryu didn't lose the creature out of his sight. The Hollow was about to charge them, still coming for Takeshi's muted cries.

Suddenly, Ichigo jumped in front of them, Zangetsu ready to strike, looking as determined as ever. The Quincy felt relief starting to spread from his chest and sighed.

"Get back, Ishida," the Substitute said, icy-calm. "I'll handle this."

"Thanks," Uryu answered before he quickly turned around.

He swayed a little as he put Takeshi down. Out of fear to sink back down, he searched for support at the nearest tree, when suddenly he felt hands on his shoulders, steadying him. As he looked up in the blazing cold eyes of Renji, he already knew none of his friends would be pleased with his rescue mission. He pushed himself away from the Shinigami, who growled at him angrily before stepping forward to lend a hand to Ichigo.

This wasn't how his intervention was supposed to turn out. He'd only wanted to save that boy, not come across as a reckless fool.

Uryu quickly took Takeshi's hand and started running towards his house as fast as he could. With his free hand, he clutched his wounded shoulder hard, trying to keep some pressure on it. It was bleeding more hefty than he'd expected, but there was nothing he could do about it right now.

"You're hurt, mister," the child spoke softly.

"I-I'll be alright," Uryu answered, unsure if those words were addressed to the boy or as a motivation to himself. "We have to get away from here. My friends will handle the monsters." He bit his lip to contain a groan. His blood pressure was dropping a little and his knees almost gave out two times, but he kept going. Behind him, he could hear battle roars of Sado, Ichigo and the other 2 Shinigami's.

When they were almost at the child's house, the Quincy sank down to one knee, making eye-contact again and said: "Now go, Takeshi-kun!"

"T-thank you, mister!" He answered and started running towards his house. "Goodbye!"

"Bye, Takeshi-kun," Uryu muttered as he watched how the toddler fled the playground into the safety of his home. He smiled to himself, as he'd at least finished what he came to do during this battle.

Then, his vision swam and he collapsed sideways on the soft grass, moaning. Uryu was still clutching his wounded shoulder. It was still bleeding and the red stain had spread towards his chest and arm, but he wasn't in mortal danger. His body trembled a little and he closed his eyes to the dizziness. His friends would help him, he was sure of that.

Suddenly, the battle sounds stopped and the Quincy knew the others had defeated the Hollows.

"Ishida!" He heard the familiar voice of Ichigo call out to him. A moment later, he felt trembling fingers touch his face and as he slowly opened his sapphire eyes, he was looking right into Ichigo's rich, brown ones. The Substitute was taking shallow breaths, his pupils dilated, and he looked completely distraught.

"I-Ichigo…" He stammered, feeling a flash of guilt surge through him, as he knew the Substitute's trauma had just been triggered.

The other boy didn't say anything, but carefully slid an arm around his neck and back and pulled him into a sitting position, cradling him against his chest with a desperate sound. Just like he'd done in their cell as Uryu lay dying. Tears welled up in Ichigo's eyes as he very hesitantly placed one of his hands on the Quincy's chest, as he had done a few times before when they'd tried healing together. Uryu watched helplessly how Ichigo's face fell as he found the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and tears of relief fell from his shocked eyes.

The way Ichigo looked at him right then and there, devastated and hurt, filled him with remorse for his actions, but he couldn't have let Takeshi left to die. If only he'd had his Quincy powers, he wouldn't have end up like this…

"Ichigo…" He gently caressed the other boy's cheek and whispered the same encouragements he'd always had whenever Ichigo had sought out his heartbeat like this. "I-I'm alright. It's okay."

The Substitute closed his eyes for a moment and a broken sob rolled from his lips. Uryu felt his heart break. This wasn't at all how he'd wanted this to go. He'd just wished to save that boy, to be of assistance to his friends. He hadn't wanted to put the person he loved through this again.

"H-how can you… do this to me... Uryu?" Ichigo sobbed, drawing the Quincy into an intense hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck, not minding his wounded shoulder at all.

"I-I'm sorry…" Uryu was so stricken by the other boy's emotional outburst that he felt tears sting his own eyes as well. With his unhurt arm, he tried to answer the hug, trying to console the hurting warrior that clung to him. He'd missed these arms so much, missed holding his precious Substitute. But he had never wanted to cause him even more suffering…

"I-I failed again… I couldn't protect you…"

"Please, don't cry, Ichigo. I'm okay. It's not your fault." Uryu swallowed hard. If he broke down, too, the other boy would take it even harder. He had to keep himself together or he would never be able to forgive himself. The same vow he'd made that day during their imprisonment when Ichigo had broken down in front of him entered his mind. He wanted to protect him…

Suddenly, Uryu heard Rukia softly chant a Kaido healing spell and the pain in his shoulder started to fade very slowly. "That was reckless, Ishida," she dryly stated. Then she ran a soothing hand through the Substitute's hair. "He's going to be fine, Ichigo. I'm stopping the bleeding right now."

After hearing her voice, Ichigo looked up and immediately wiped his tears away. He was a hero after all and didn't want all of his friends to see him at his most vulnerable. Then the Substitute broke the hug and helped the Quincy in a sitting position, all the while Rukia's power was closing up his wound.

When Uryu looked up, he saw Sado watching them with a shocked face. Probably by the way Ichigo had been acting just now. Renji was walking towards them and if looks could kill…

Suddenly, the Quincy felt a sharp sting in his jowl and realized Ichigo had just slapped him hard across his cheek. Slowly, he faced him again and braced himself for the scolding that would inevitably follow, feeling some of his confidence drain away already.

Ichigo gave him a lethal glare. "Are you crazy, Ishida? I told you you couldn't fight with us anymore! I fucking told you!"

"It wasn't my intention to join in, but… Sorry," was all Uryu could manage right now. He felt an array of emotions soar through his body and averted his eyes.

Ichigo grabbed his collar and forced the Quincy to look at him. "Sorry? That's all you can say to me? I fucking lost it when you… when you…" He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes hard to keep himself under control. Uryu understood the Substitute was trying to fight his trauma with anger. He'd used the same trick during his conversation with his father.

Ichigo was furious and jumped up, pulling Uryu on his legs on a startled grunt. The archer quickly tried to find his balance on his wobbly legs, as the sudden rise had made his blood pressure drop a little more and left him dizzy. Feeling lightheaded due to his blood loss, he groaned.

"Ichigo!" Rukia yelled. "Don't treat him so roughly! He is still injured!" The girl swiftly stood up and continued treating Uryu's shoulder, while helping him find his balance.

The Substitute scoffed and continued his lecture. "I oughtta smack you so hard you asshole! This is exactly the reason why I told you to back off! You have no powers, you aren't of any help to us here! You're only putting yourself into danger! Do you think I want to see you die, you idiot!"

Uryu gasped as Ichigo's voice broke on those last few words. His composure was slowly crumbling again. He'd only wanted to help them out. What could he tell him? Yes, he'd been stupid, and he hadn't planned any of this but… "None of you saw that child! If I hadn't been here-"

Smack! Ichigo had hit him again. With eyes ablaze and lower lip trembling hard he released Uryu's collar. "You moron! We could've handled it! You could've handed him over to one of us! I want to keep you safe, goddammit!" The Substitute screamed at Uryu, who was so stunned that he could only gape in return.

"Ichigo." Sado's voice suddenly cut through the tension as he placed his big palm on the Substitute Shinigami's shoulder. "Try to calm down. I think Ishida already knows his actions were much too rash." Ichigo turned towards Sado while the latter gave Uryu a cold glare.

All of a sudden, Renji stepped forward. "Take a few deep breaths, Ichigo. I'll handle the Quincy." Before Uryu had the chance to say anything to that, the Shinigami grabbed his wrist and dragged him forward.

"Renji!" Rukia yelled angrily. "I've closed the wound, but Ishida is still wounded, you dork!"

The red-head didn't listen to her, and just dragged the archer along violently. Uryu tried to break free, but to no avail as Renji held his wrist in a death grip. Protesting got him nowhere and he could already guess where this was going. It made his actions rather meek as his confidence was dissolving.

At the nearest tree, and out of ear sight of the others, Renji pushed the Quincy hard against the bark, startling him.

Leaning in close, the Shinigami sneered: "Goddammit, Ishida! What did I just tell you at Urahara's? I told you to go easy on him! I said Ichigo couldn't handle this right now! I know how he's going to take this! You've just fucking made everything even worse!"

Uryu felt another crack form in his broken heart. He hadn't wished for any of this to happen. Last of all, he hadn't wanted to upset Ichigo so. "I didn't mean to… But, that boy would've gotten hurt…" He muttered, feeling like a complete fool.

"I didn't peg you for such an idiot, Ishida! Why did you make a run for it with that kid? You should've let us deal with it!" Renji continued, grabbing his collar.

He was too close. Too close, and the way the Shinigami was treating him was pumping panic through Uryu's veins. Just a little more and his own trauma's would take over. The Quincy swallowed hard and tried to fight it. "I… I just wanted to help…" he stammered.

"What if we hadn't been able to save your ass today, you fucking show-off?" Renji shouted, pulling his collar hard. "Ichigo's already terrified you're going to get yourself killed if you're around him, you idiot! What if you were mortally wounded on his watch? Do you know how much it'd make him suffer? A born protector like him? You're ruining my friend, you asshole!"

Uryu gasped, wide-eyed and felt his lower lip tremble. Anxiety washed over him like a spell, and his remaining confidence was draining away at a rapid speed. He didn't want any of that. He felt his knees grow weak and grabbed the tree for support. Lowering his gaze in defeat, he mumbled. "S-sorry… I only wished… to save that child."

"Yeah, you'd better be sorry, you reckless, dumb Quincy," Renji continued, making him feel utterly worthless. "Stay out of our fights! Don't act like a hero!" Then he scoffed and released Uryu's collar with the words. "You're not even a Quincy anymore. You're nothing. I'm just wasting my time here."

Their gazes met, and Renji's furious eyes just bore a hole in his soul, silencing him. That remark had hit him hard. If he wasn't a Quincy, then what was he? He'd had more than his fair share of similar arguments with Ryuuken, but to hear this from a person he considered an ally… Digging his fingers into the tree bark as he felt dizzy, the emotions having plummeted his blood pressure, Uryu had no choice but to sit down and let himself just slide down the tree trunk.

Renji gave him a mocking smirk before walking back to Ichigo and the others again. Rukia shouted something at the red-head, but Uryu wasn't paying attention to them anymore.

A year ago, he would never have tolerated such blood spitting from anyone. Especially not from a Shinigami. But now… the emotions had completely exhausted him and the panic that he tried to keep under control was so overwhelming…

How his father would ridicule him had he been here.

Uryu let his head sink into his hands. It was easy for them to judge him, but none of them were in his shoes. None of them seemed to understand how he felt. Hadn't he always had their backs before? Losing his powers had been one of the worst experiences in his life. He already felt without purpose, but for his friends to rub it in like he was a good-for-nothing… He didn't need any of this piled on top of his shit right now.

Suddenly, Ichigo called out to him: "Hey, Ishida!" Against better judgement, he looked up at the Substitute. "Next time, when you see us go after Hollows, just stay away! We don't need your help! You're useless! Stay out of my life!" With that the orange-haired teen was gone, with Renji in his pursuit.

The words stung and Uryu felt all of his motivation vaporize. He was never going to be able to ask Ichigo if he could stay at his place for some time. It was crystal clear the Substitute wanted him as far away from him as possible and was not going to consider to let him stay over. He felt like a complete loser. A loser, trash even, that was fighting to keep his anxiety under control.

Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke to him. "Ichigo didn't have to put it so bluntly, but he's right. It's far too dangerous to help us any longer, Ishida. You'll only get in our way " The Quincy looked up to see Sado glaring at him.

Uryu was feeling spent and could't come up with a decent retort, so he just weakly countered: "S-Sado-kun, but, that child… I-"

"No buts. It's just too risky, Ishida. Now that you don't have your powers anymore, you really have to stop being so brash," Sado continued. "You're being so selfish. Ichigo freaked out when he saw you take that hit. I have never, ever, seen him act like that." With his tall size, Sado was looming over him. His eyes were cold and angry, and it wasn't helping Uryu's anxiety problem at all. "I still don't know what happened in that Espada's prison, but to have Ichigo lose control like that, it was just… awful to behold. For his sake, I want you to keep your distance, Ishida. At least for a while. Ichigo's been through so much and I can't bear to see him hurt like that again."

Uryu just gaped at the large teen, with incredulous eyes. Every coherent sentence he could produce was stuck in his throat. And for the second time of that excruciatingly long day he realized he was completely alone in this. Completely alone. Everybody had witnessed Ichigo's painful outburst just now, there was no questioning the Substitute was suffering. But… none of them knew of the horrors he'd lived through. Nobody but Ichigo, Renji and his sore excuse of a father. And the latter had gone so far as to take his home from him, after blaming those horrendous events on him. Ichigo'd turned his back on him because it had become too difficult for him, and the others were apparently only concerned with Ichigo.

He had nobody.

He should've known as it had always been like this. People have been judging him all his life. He was either too smart, weird or gay, among other things. But… after meeting Ichigo and his friends, it was now difficult for him to fall back to fending only for himself again. Especially now, in his time of need.

Swallowing hard against all the emotions that flooded his mind and clenching his fists, Uryu gathered all his courage to try one final time: "S-Sado-kun, I-I need to ask you a favor."

"No," came the firm reply. "For now, I want you to keep your distance, Ishida. I already told you so." Without even waiting for him to say something, the large teen walked away.

Uryu's confidence was in shambles. Lowering his head into his hands again, he sighed. What was he going to do now? There was no way either Ichigo or Sado were going to help him out now. He couldn't possibly ask Orihime to stay over, could he?

"They're worried about you, you know." A female voice said. Uryu had forgotten for a moment that Rukia was even there. Upon seeing the pained look on his face, she continued: "I know they were really hard on you, but they just don't want you to get hurt."

"I-I know, but…" He closed his eyes and tried to will his desperation away, clutching his hands

"Is there something I can help you with?" Rukia asked gently. No, she couldn't, unfortunately. Ichigo and Sado were pissed, and Renji was extremely pissed and already staying at Urahara's. Suddenly, the idea that he would be forced to sleep on a bench or under a bridge became a lot more real.

"No, thank you, Kuchiki-san. I'll manage," he lied, trying to give her a small, fake smile.

"You should go home and rest," the female Shinigami said. "I was able to close your wound, but it hasn't healed completely. Besides that, you lost quite some blood. Just take it easy for a while, okay? Or better yet, ask Inoue to heal you."

"I-I'll do that." With that, the girl turned around and started Shunpo-ing in the direction of Ichigo's house.

Watching her leave, Uryu sighed again. He had nowhere to go. He didn't know what to do. But… he couldn't give up and just sit here. He would have to find a solution somehow. Tomorrow would be the final day he could spend in his apartment and he still had an annoyingly long to-do list. Even if he felt lightheaded, there was no time to waste. He would try to rest for a while, if time permitted, besides taking a bath and finish packing. Pushing himself off of the ground, he glanced one more time in the direction of Takeshi's house, before he resumed the long walk back to his appartement.

If he kept busy, it would distract him from the idea that the morning after tomorrow… he would be homeless.