Curled up on a bench, with his head resting on the small pack he had with him, Uryu had fallen asleep. Plagued by nightmares, as usual. Only this time, the most recent events played inside his mind, over and over again, making his hands curl into fists as he produced feral sounds.
"You should be grateful to me for fucking trash like you!"
"Forget about that Ichigo guy, Uryu-kun. You can be my boyfriend."
"Told you I was gonna get you to finish this round, didn't I?"
"You like that, don't you, little bitch!"
"Whoa! You really needed that! Look at the mess you made of yourself!"
"Aww. Don't cry, Uryu-kun. You were such a great fuck. An ordinary whore can't even compare to you."
Somebody was shaking him, disturbing his already un-profound slumber, and his eyes flew open on a shriek. Anxiety already flaring through his body as his breath picked up.
"Boy! Hey, boy! Are you okay?"
Still exhausted and very much on edge, Uryu quickly blinked a few times and took a quivering breath while trying to assess the situation. "W-what?" He groaned at the man dressed in a black uniform that was looking down at him. It was a rather stern looking man, with short hair.
"What are you doing here, boy? You were making weird sounds."
The Quincy felt himself snap completely awake and took in his surroundings again while jolting upright into a sitting position. Not having a place to spend the night, he'd searched for an area where he could sit inside. A place with a lot of lights. And so he found himself in Karakura town's train station. He was not safe here. He knew that, but he'd been left with very few options. The man looking at him with an angry frown was probably the station master or one of his subordinates, judging from the uniform with matching cap he wore.
"I… I'm sorry, sir. I just fell asleep for a moment," Uryu tried to explain himself. He rubbed at his forehead to help with the mild dizziness as he'd sat up too abruptly.
"Well, you can't sleep here, boy. Which train are you waiting for?"
"Well…" Pushing up his glasses to buy him a little more time, the Quincy tried to come up with a passable lie. "I've missed the last train and… I have to wait for the next one." He knew that must've sounded really pathetic, but he felt completely wasted. He wouldn't have been able to fall asleep in a place like this otherwise. Not with all the angst and uneasiness of what had happened to him saturating his nerves.
The uniform-clad man scoffed. "It's past 1 o'clock. The earliest train won't be until 6 o'clock, boy."
The man loomed over him with both his hands on his hips, scanning him. Uryu swallowed at the anxiety that was still spreading though his body. He was so very jumpy, as was to be expected after what had happened at the capsule hotel.
"Y-yes, I know, but…"
"You're not a runaway, are you? Because I'll have to call the police-"
"I'm not!" Uryu swiftly intervened. "I didn't want to cause any trouble. I'll just go." With that said, he quickly hoisted his bag onto his shoulder and jumped up. "Ngghh…" The Quincy groaned and grabbed his head, searching for support on the bench he'd fallen asleep on with his other hand. Dammed blood pressure. The emotions of that day were definitely playing parts on him. Besides that, the only food he'd had during the last 24 hours had all come back out when he vomited.
"Hey!" the station master shouted. "Are you alright, boy? You look so pale all of a sudden."
"Y-yeah…" Uryu tried, but he had to sit back down at the far end of the bench and took a few deep breaths. "Just give me a minute and I'll be off."
Suddenly, he heard the station master sigh and looked at him. "I didn't want to freak you out, boy. It's just… It's illegal to sleep in the train station at night. Can't you go to a nearby bar or the capsule hotel or something?"
A hard shiver ran through Uryu's body and he was certain his anxiety was clearly visible on his face. "I-I can't afford that. S-sorry." He turned his eyes down and tried to calm himself down, as the mention of the capsule hotel had stirred a lot of vile memories back up. "I didn't thought I'd disturb anyone... I just needed to rest for a bit…" With a sigh, he lowered his face into his hands. He needed to be on guard around strangers and he needed to keep himself together.
"Whoa, son. You seem really troubled," the station master said all of a sudden, sitting down beside him. "Having a rough night?"
On a wavering breath, the Quincy replied: "Yeah… definitely."
"Don't you have any friends where you can spend the night, boy? Surely, someone your age could turn to his parents? Can I call somebody for you?"
Uryu drew in a sharp breath, before a small, sarcastic laugh rolled from his lips. He couldn't help it. "No. Thank you, sir. I'm on my own." Saying those words out loud made his voice waver and he just stared at the concrete beneath his feet, feeling dejected and unknowing what to do.
The man next to him suddenly put a hand onto his shoulder and he jumped, startled. "Whoa, easy there, boy. I mean you no harm." Uryu just looked at him, scanning the man. He was certain he came across like a lunatic, but he wasn't falling for that trust trick twice. "I work here at the station, as you might've guessed by my cool uniform."
"I thought as much," Uryu muttered. At least his blood pressure had settled, so he could just leave anytime now.
The man looked him over and sighed while rubbing the back of his head. "Tell you what. You seem to have a lot on your mind right now, and you look so shaken, so I'll let you sleep here tonight. Alright?"
Confused, Uryu blinked a few times. "R-really? But I…"
"Just for the night, boy. Otherwise, we'll both get into trouble." The stern looking station master gave him a soft smile.
Uryu felt a little relief spread through his body at that. There were still decent people in the world, it seemed. Even if he was not letting his guard back down. "Thank you, sir." He was still startled, but managed to give the man a small smile in return.
"Don't mention it, boy." The station master laughed out loud and stood back up. "I've been young, too, ya know. Shit happens sometimes, right?"
"R-right." The Quincy answered. Even if the other man probably couldn't guess the amount of crap he currently found himself in.
"Nobody will come here at night. And I'm in charge of cleaning and tidying before the station opens up in a few hours. You'll be safe here. Try to get some sleep at least."
"Thank you, sir." Uryu bowed to the man, who rubbed the back of his head, laughing.
"Alright, alright. I'll come wake you up around 6 o' clock. You can catch your train then. Or be on your way."
"Affirmative. I'll be on my way at first light, sir."
With that, the station master turned around and walked away. Uryu watched him for a moment before he curled up on the bench again and tried to clear his mind. It didn't take that long for him to drift off again, tired as he was.
After being woken up by the station master in the early morning, Uryu politely declined the man's offer of having a coffee with him. The man seemed like a good person, but Uryu wasn't falling for that anymore. Instead, the man had granted him permission to stay for a bit longer, as long as he wasn't sleeping, until dawn. At first light, Uryu said goodbye to the station master and left the train station. With his small pack hoisted over his shoulder, he started wandering through the still empty streets, unsure of where to go. It was much too early for most people to be outside right now.
Where could he go? What was he going to do? A lot of similar thoughts swamped his tired mind and he sighed. How had it come to this? If only Ichigo and he had never been captured by the clone of that bastard Espada, Szayelaporro Granz. But how much he tortured himself with 'what if's' and 'should've's, it was no use and it didn't change the fact that he was now left to fend for himself on the streets.
Feeling the need to be more alert, Uryu walked up to a vending machine for a hot can of coffee. He preferred tea, but that wouldn't do the trick right now. He sighed as the can warmed his hands in the early morning's chill and sat down on a bench. As he slowly drank the hot beverage, his stomach protested. He hadn't eaten anything since he threw up Orihime's cookies last night, he simply hadn't had the heart to stomach any food yet. Rummaging through his pack, he took out the bag Orihime'd given him and rejoiced at the sight of a few onigiri, some cookies and an apple. The cookies went well with his coffee. He'd save the rest for later.
Sighing again, the Quincy realized he'd have to ration everything from now on. He only had a little cash on him, so he'd have to scrounge every coin for even more it's worth than usual. He was used to live on a budget, but nothing could've prepared him for a situation like this. He needed a job. Badly. He'd start looking for a part-time job tomorrow, as for today, finding a place to stay would be his priority.
He didn't even want to think about the possibility that his friends weren't going to help him out in the end. It made his chest constrict with hurt and anxiety.
After he sat down for a while, he started walking across town with a heavy heart. He still wanted to talk to Sado, but if he just showed up on his doorstep, it would probably annoy the other, so he'd rather talk to him at school tomorrow. If he texted him right now, he was sure it wasn't going to go the way he hoped either.
But… there really was no place he could go…
Feeling down, his legs carried him to the outskirts of town, towards the river. The heavens roared as the sparse daylight suddenly diminished. Dark clouds had gathered above Karakura town and it would start raining any moment now.
The Quincy walked alongside the river when the first drops started clattering down, making the grass and flowers next to the path glitter. He started running towards the bridge he saw before him, one of the few Karakura town had, hoping he could find shelter there before it started pouring.
Panting from the effort, he made it to safety when a loud thunder rumbled around him. Uryu looked up towards the sky, while the rain came gushing down. Thankful he found himself under a rather large, concrete bridge and wasn't soaking wet. He could at least stay there until the weather cleared.
Curious, the archer climbed the slope underneath the bridge, where he found some kind of niche where the support pillars of the heavy construction met the top. Amazed that he could stand up to his full length at the highest part, he checked the unexpected space out. Even though the walls of the niche sloped down on one side, it was still as big as a small bathroom. Though triangular shaped. It was open on both ends, but it provided cover from the path below. The exit on both ends was a little smaller than the actual space, so there was a little indented corner on each side. The wind blew the rain inside from both sides, but there was a rather large spot in the middle where it was dry. Uryu stepped into the niche, hoping to sit down for a while as he'd been slandering across town for hours. He found that if he minded his head, there actually was a rather big space to move around.
The thunder roared and flashes of lightning made him feel a little anxious, but he was fairly safe here. At least from the weather. Some large vehicles passed over the bridge, honking, making the top of the niche shake a little. Uryu sighed. The unfamiliar sounds and sights made him long for his old room. He pulled up his knees and hugged them, resting his head on top of them, while the same desolate thoughts ran through his mind again.
What was he going to do?
He wanted so much to believe that Sado wasn't going to turn him down, but… after the way Ichigo had treated him only yesterday, his confidence was in tatters. The only thing he did know was that he was not going back to Ryuuken. He'd rather die than give that poor excuse of a father of his an opportunity to ridicule him again.
The rain made him feel gloomy and he sighed. Orihime may have healed his body, and he was grateful that he could move and sit without pain again, but his mind had taken a severe beating, too. He still couldn't believe how stupid he'd been to trust Kazuma like that… He knew his panic attacks would get even worse now, and he'd be mistrusting towards others, too.
While the Quincy was thinking about a lot of logistic problems like how he would wash his clothes, the hours crept away while he just sat there in the niche under the bridge, feeling lost again. Suddenly, he realized it was the precipice of dusk already and he gasped harshly.
Night was going to fall and he had just been sitting there, wasting away precious time!
With a flicker, the lights underneath the bridge went on. There was no light inside the niche, but at least it wasn't completely dark either. With anxiety silencing him, and making him feel even more pathetic, he watched the eerie shadows that now danced on the concrete walls around him.
Fear was creeping up his spine, making him shiver. Feeling his blood pressure change, he quickly reached inside his pack for a bottle of water and something to eat, but as he pulled his hand back out, the purple pajama pants he'd worn during his stay at the capsule hotel got stuck on his wristwatch and suddenly found itself on top of his lap. Uryu blinked a few times before swallowing hard as cold sweat broke out on his forehead at the sight of the few little blood stains that now ruined the back of his pants. Even though that time hadn't been as bad as when the Vasto Lorde had raped him, Kazuma had still been rough with him.
Before Uryu knew what was happening, his eyes filled up with tears. Hastily, he placed the water bottle aside and clutched the soft, purple fabric in his trembling fingers, unable to contain his emotions any longer. He felt nauseous all over again…
Uryu closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, but he didn't manage to keep the feelings of helplessness, shame and hurt at bay. Unable to fight them, he just sat down on the concrete and grieved over what had been taken from him, while hugging himself. He had still been recovering from Ichigo's assaults, including the one of the Vasto Lorde, when he had once again been taken advantage of… How long would it take him to heal now? He decided to try to give in to the things he was feeling right now, hoping it would help him onto the path of recovery. When he'd be feeling up to it, he'd try to wash out the stains from his pajamas, as he didn't have that many clothes. Maybe not today, but… in due time.
The archer realized he'd probably wasn't going to find a better space to sleep right now, so he decided to stay under the bridge. Tomorrow he'd talk with Sado and he'd be able to retrieve some of his belongings from the storage room at school. For now, he'd tried to rest and hoped he would be safe. He was a Quincy. He'd fought mighty opponents. He was going to be able to overcome this fear.
During the night, there were a lot of strange noises coming from the animals who's territory Uryu was in, like cats and birds. Not only that, but cars and trucks kept using the bridge until the late hours, making the space he was hiding in shake. All those sounds, and the feeling that he wasn't safe, made that he couldn't surrender himself completely to the night, resulting in an unrefreshing sleep.
Rubbing his eyes while yawning, Uryu was on his way to school. He hadn't slept well, as was to be expected from sleeping outside for 2 days in a row without any bedding. His body was sore and stiff from laying on the cold, hard concrete of the niche under the bridge. Thank god it wasn't cold outside yet! The various animal sounds hadn't been helpful for a good's night rest either, as they kept waking him up.
He'd washed his face and upper body by pouring some water onto his handkerchief, as he needed to feel presentable for school. Washing himself would become a real problem if he didn't find a solution to his housing…
Uryu felt a bit proud of himself for being able to come to school only 2 days after his recent assault, but it was partially thanks to Orihime healing his body. Emotionally he didn't feel well at all, but at school he could at least get distracted enough to think of other things. And he could use the facilities all day.
He'd try to avoid Ichigo, as he really wasn't feeling up to another argument with him. Besides, Ichigo had screamed at him to stay away. Again. It was useless to try and talk to him anyway.
He'd try talking to Sado during lunchbreak and hoped the large teen had calmed down a little since the day he got wounded while saving that boy from the Hollows. Hopefully Sado would listen to him and maybe he would even allow him to stay over for a few days.
Yawning still, Uryu sat down at his desk and kept to himself. Reading a book like always. Right before class started, Ichigo came in and gave him an angry glare, but he just kept up a poker face, pretending it didn't bother him. Orihime and Sado were right behind Ichigo. The girl smiled at him, while Sado just gave him a nod.
The Quincy waited patiently for the chime of lunch break, while he did his best to concentrate on the classes at hand. When it was finally time, he swiftly stood up and went to Sado's desk. The dark-skinned teen was rummaging through his bag to get his bento.
"Sado-kun, can we talk?" Sado immediately glanced over at Ichigo and then gave Uryu a look that said he'd already been expecting this. He hummed in his low voice and stood up.
"Catch up later, Chad. You know where to find us," Ichigo said, before his gaze fell on Uryu and he scoffed mockingly.
Uryu ignored him and addressed the large teen again. "This is not the right place for what I want to talk about. Follow me, please." Sado hummed again. Uryu led the way to the roof, where they hopefully could talk in private.
"So," the large teen said when they'd made it to a corner of the roof, "what did you want to talk about, Ishida?"
Uryu pushed up his glasses, already getting nervous. "Actually, I… I wanted to ask you something, Sado-kun." This was it. The moment he'd been fretting about since yesterday. He needed to choose his words carefully.
Before Uryu got the chance to say anything else, however, Sado blurted out: "Ichigo told me what happened this weekend."
Uryu blinked and just stared at the large teen, flustered. He felt anxiety start to spread and it made him forget all the lines he'd meticulously rehearsed all day long. "I… I see…" was all he managed.
Dammit. Of course Ichigo had told him. Sado had been his friend for far longer than him. He knew they would talk about that event, but he'd hoped Sado'd been unaware just yet.
Sado looked at him rather cold, before he took a long exhale. "Look, I know it must be hard on you to have lost your powers again, but don't you think stalking Ichigo is going a little too far?"
Uryu froze. "Stalking… Ichigo?"
"Well, yeah. That's what you're doing, Ishida." Sado locked eyes with him and the annoyance on the other's face was plainly readable. "You've been following him to that Hollow brawl, you visit his house during weekends and when he doesn't want to see you, you go to his girlfriend's house instead. How would you describe that?"
Taken aback, Uryu took a quivering breath. He'd prepared so many sentences and outcomes of this conversation, but this was not going in any of the directions he'd thought. Momentarily at a loss for words, he looked away and tried to get a hold of himself.
Sado hardly ever said so much at one time, so he must really be annoyed with him…
He needed help. He really needed help, but… none of his friends wanted to hear him out. They didn't know what had happened in Szayelaporro's lab and they probably couldn't imagine the gravity of the situation he was in now. Anxiety shot through him and he felt his fragile confidence take another hit. All of them just passed their judgement over him without even listening to him first. It was frustrating, to say the least, and it hurt him more than he'd thought possible.
The Quincy clenched his fists. What could he say in his own defense? Sado was sure to believe Ichigo… And it was clear that Sado was still upset about their last Hollow encounter, too.
Seconds ticked by and Sado just stared at him, looking him over, while Uryu tried to form the right words, trying to keep his cool. He had to ask Sado for help. It was his only option right now.
"You're right. I did visit Ichigo's house this weekend, but-" Sado gave him a disdainful look, startling Uryu, but he had to get the words out. "I'm in trouble and I need help-"
"Ishida," the large teen interrupted him, making him lose his train of thought again, "I know you've been through a lot lately, and none of us but you and Ichigo know what really happened to you both while you went missing, but I can tell you that you really need to forget about him. Ichigo isn't like that. Besides, he's with Orihime now."
"But…" Uryu was barely able to say anything, as Sado kept lecturing him. He hadn't wanted to talk about Ichigo at all right now. He had more pressing matters at the moment than that boy that had played with his feelings for weeks. That boy that had held and kissed him and had asked him to keep all of that a secret to their friends. "N-no, that's not at all-"
"Ishida, just stop!" Sado commanded as he towered over him. "You're making all of us feel… uncomfortable."
Uryu's eyes went wide and a quivering breath escaped his trembling lips. "Un-uncomfortable?" he stuttered while he looked at the large teen, shocked. Surely his friends didn't think that any guy would do the trick for him? Were they intimidated by him being gay? Did they think he'd jump at them if given the occasion? Or was Sado acting like this because he couldn't stomach the idea that he was in love with Ichigo? "What did I do to make you feel uncomfortable?" He averted his gaze and readjusted his glasses to try and hide the hurt on his face.
"You just do."
Uryu swallowed hard as he felt another crack form in his broken heart.
"Sado-kun, after everything we've been through together…" the Quincy tried, pleading in his own defense. "I am still the same person!" He clenched his fists so hard he felt his nails cut into his skin.
Why had Ichigo outed him in front of everybody? Why had that changed everything? Why did they think so little of him?
"That's all I have to say, Ishida." They locked eyes for a moment and it couldn't be that the large teen didn't see the sadness in his eyes. Then, Sado turned around and started walking towards the stairs.
Uryu felt beaten, but he could not let this chance slip away. He needed to ask Sado if he could stay over, still. He knew he would come across stubborn, but he didn't have another choice. The thought that he had to sleep under that bridge again, who knew for how long, made his heart race and his brain short-circuit.
"Sado-kun, please, hear me out. You don't understand." He tried to summon every ounce of confidence left in his body, as he dashed towards the other teen. When he caught up with him, Uryu grabbed one of his large arms to make him stop, but Sado turned towards him and shot him an angry glare.
"Stop this, Ishida! Are you gonna harass me too now?"
The Quincy gasped and let go of Sado's arm, feeling the anxiety silence him. With everything left in him, he tried to force his next sentence out. "Please, Sado-kun. I needed to ask you something because I have a problem and-"
"Yeah, you have a problem alright!" Sado spat, now visibly irritated. "It's called 'an obsession'."
Uryu was dumbstruck at that and stopped dead in his tracks. Openmouthed, he watched Sado throw him an angry glare. He had been completely disarmed by those words and let his arms hang next to his body in shock. Sado turned around again and promptly took the stairs down, taking with him the Quincy's last hope of avoiding becoming a homeless tramp.
Defeated, Uryu sank to his knees. "Please…" he whispered with a trembling voice. "I have nowhere to go…"
Why didn't anybody listen to him? He didn't even get the chance to explain anything… Both Sado and Ichigo thought he was stalking the Substitute. They probably thought he was acting like he was because he couldn't wrap Ichigo around his finger. They didn't know a thing about his shitty life.
The helplessness and frustration peeked inside him and Uryu punched the floor beneath him on a howl. He was going to wait here for classes to resume, as he needed some time to get himself together again. And he didn't have anything to eat for lunch anyway.
The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur. Uryu tried to keep his focus on the classes as best as he could, but sometimes he'd glance in the direction of one of his friends to find them ignoring him and he sighed. It hurt. Hadn't he been always there to lend them a hand? He'd never had anything to gain from rescuing Rukia, nor Orihime for that matter, but he'd offered his support, his wits and his bow anyway. For the sake of friendship.
As the last chime of the day rang, everybody hurried outside. Orihime threw him a smile before she left with Tatsuki. And Uryu was left at his desk, feeling miserable.
"Get going, brainiac." Someone suddenly addressed him and he looked up to find Asano Keigo staring down at him. "I'm on cleaning duty today and I want you outta here."
"Fine," he retorted before picking up his belongings and giving the other a cold glare in return.
He'd just go sit in an empty classroom to be able to finish his homework at a desk and not on a wet, concrete floor. He'd try to stay at school for as long as he could, before retrieving his large pack from the storage room next to the infirmary. Not that people would ask him why he carried something like that around. The few friends he had, had bawled him out and stepped on his heart, his peers didn't pay him a lot of attention and probably wouldn't care.
Depressed, Uryu dragged the heavy pack, that was almost bursting at the seams, on his back. All the way to the niche under the bridge, where his few belongings would hopefully be safe. It was a rather long walk from school and his heart sank at the realization that he'd have to walk this distance every school day from now on. At least until he had found a place to stay.
He tried to encourage himself along the way. Murmuring that he was a Quincy, proud and strong, and that he would overcome this. All of this. Even sleeping under a bridge. Even having no one to rely on. But as the logistic problems kept piling up in his already pained mind, and formed a lump in his throat, he was silenced by worry.
Why had it come down to this?
