.-.
Beneath
Chapter Two Hundred Twenty-Nine – Thunder
"Why did you do your degree in English lit?" Jane asked, carefully breaking off the little "shooters" growing off the main stem of the tomato plant Macy had shown her how to prune.
Macy groaned; Jane glanced over her shoulder to find Macy had abandoned the cucumber plant she'd been working on and was facing Jane, so Jane turned around, too.
"What?" she asked, confused. Macy looked perturbed.
"Don't start, Jane."
"Don't start what?"
"How's a literature degree going to get you a job? Why don't you study something useful?"
"I didn't mean it like that. I just wondered what made you choose it."
"Would you have asked that if I'd majored in business or engineering or…or astronomy?"
"Um…," Jane began, only now realizing what nerve she'd accidentally stepped on, but before she could put together a response, a rumbling noise grabbed her attention.
"Jane…was that…again?"
Jane floundered, speechless. She glanced around at the rows of plants, then up, at the strong lights hanging from the ceiling, probably the biggest immediate concern. The room was feeling a lot smaller, the ceiling a lot lower.
"It's been days. Olivia said we should be out of danger."
Though Jane nodded in agreement, she knew what Macy, Olivia, and the experts who had been advising station management did not: The earthquakes here had not been caused by natural processes, and the standard scientific models might not apply. "Maybe we should go get our gear, just in case."
Macy nodded and started for the outer chamber, but stopped with her hand on the door. "Maybe we should go find Lucas. He'll know what to do."
"I don't think Lucas can do anything about earthquakes."
"All personnel," Rodrigo said over the loudspeaker, startling both women, "this is not a drill. Get your gear on and evacuate the station. Repeat, this is not a drill. Evacuate the station. This is a precautionary measure for a possible earthquake."
As the announcement proceeded and then repeated on their radios, Jane's brief panic settled, but she could tell Macy was only growing more alarmed. Jane hadn't been in the building when it was rattling off its support pillars; Macy and everyone else here had. As soon as that struck her, though, it struck her also that nothing was rattling off of anything. Nothing was even swaying.
"Come on," Macy said, grabbing Jane's hand. "We have to evacuate."
"Yeah," Jane said, distracted, but letting Macy drag her along. Just outside the Greenhouse, though, she came to a stop again. Paul was headed their way from the recycling center just down the hall. "Macy, wait."
Macy threw her arms around Jane. "It'll be okay. But we need to go."
Jane pulled away to arms' length. "No, listen. There's no earthquake."
Paul and Macy were both protesting when the loudspeakers came to life again.
"All personnel, stand down on the evacuation, repeat, stand down on evacuation. There's no seismic activity. No earthquake. There's no cause for concern at the moment, but remain alert and monitor your radios. Repeat, no earthquake, remain alert and monitor radios. Lucas, report to Comms ASAP."
"Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God," Macy was muttering as soon as the thrust of the announcement was clear. "I told you we should find Lucas," she added when it was over and continuing on the radios.
"If it's not seismic activity then what is it? It was definitely something," Paul said. "What if the Vanaheim people are attacking us? Maybe that's why they—"
"What? What are we—"
"No," Jane put in, talking over Macy. "Nobody's attacking us. The war's over, they all signed a treaty. I was there, I saw it. That sounded like thunder, and I think that m—"
Paul was shaking his head. "Elliot said we don't get thunderstorms here. I went to the talk he gave."
"Right. And the only thing that leaves…it has to be Thor."
As her explanations and reassurances calmed Macy and Paul, it was Jane who now grew steadily more worried again. Unless something unexpected, extremely important, and bizarrely coincidental had come up, she could think of only one reason why Thor would show up at the South Pole on this particular day. And Loki wasn't going to be happy about it.
/
/
How did this not occur to me?
Loki's thoughts ran in circles, getting nowhere, and always returning to the same place: How did this not occur to me? He had let himself be so blindly preoccupied, with Jane and her betrayal, with the Polies as a group and with so many of them individually, with himself and his role and identity here, that he hadn't for one second considered what anyone on Asgard might have to say about him remaining. He'd even briefly envisioned how he would handle Tony Stark turning up in that ridiculous Iron Man suit and insisting he leave. How did this not occur to me?
The blaring of the station's loudspeakers set him into motion, even if he didn't at first know exactly where he was going. He paid little attention to the words but shook his head in disdain at the call to evacuate. "It isn't an earthquake," he muttered.
"You're positive?" Austin said from behind him, making him take conscious note for the first time that he had an entourage.
"Yes," he snarled.
"Hey, Rodrigo, Austin here. Lucas says it's not an earthquake," Austin said as soon as their radios had repeated the message from the loudspeakers.
"What? How does he know that?"
"Is he sure?" came Olivia's voice interrupting Rodrigo.
"He's sure."
"What is it then? Did Iron Man come back here?" Olivia said.
"Maybe? Somebody's shown up here."
"Not Iron Man," Loki said through clenched teeth. "Have you never heard thunder before?"
"Thunder," Carlo repeated, speaking over Olivia's voice on the radio. "You know, thunder?"
Behind him chaos spiked with everyone speaking at once, amid complaints of missed messages and talking over each other and sharp words from Olivia about radio discipline. Loki tuned it out and started descending the stairs.
"All personnel, stand down on the evacuation, repeat, stand down on evacuation. There's no seismic activity. No earthquake. There's no cause for concern at the moment, but remain alert and monitor your radios. Repeat, no earthquake, remain alert and monitor radios. Lucas, report to Comms ASAP."
"Woah, woah, woah, what's this?" Austin said.
A hand started to encircle Loki's arm and he spun around in a fighting stance, feet on different yellow stairs.
Austin immediately pulled back up a step, hands up and fingers spread; behind him Sue quietly swore.
"What are you doing?" Austin asked.
Loki took a second, no more, to ensure he spoke calmly. He was in no mood to coddle them with reassurances, but he didn't want them to fear him, to think his ire was directed at them. "I'm going to greet our visitor."
"Like that?" Carlo said, gesturing at Loki.
"Like wha—." Loki huffed out a breath after looking down at himself. He'd done it on long-ingrained instinct, shifted his clothing into the thick leather and metal layers more appropriate for battle. Even his helmet was in place, a familiar, grounding weight comfortably encircling his head, molding his face right along with his mindset. He looked aside for a moment. Not even a day back and he was reverting to their would-be conqueror in their eyes. He didn't want them to see him like this. But it was done and could not be undone. Unavoidable, thanks to Thor. "Stay inside," he said, meeting each of their gazes long enough to let them feel it, to understand he would brook no argument. He started to turn back on his way to the first floor Destination Zulu exit, since Thor would surely be rapidly approaching the building by now and likely using the stairs he was most familiar with – the ones he'd ripped off – but Sue's voice stayed him.
"We don't exactly have a choice there."
"Right," Loki said with a slow nod. None of them had any ECW gear with them. It hadn't even occurred to him, so thoroughly was his focus beyond those doors. "For the best. I'll ensure the station isn't in any danger." He started to turn again; this time it was Wright.
"Okay, is nobody else going to say it? This is stupid. You don't even know what he came here for. Maybe he's just saying hi."
He glared at Wright, no longer caring if he was feared. "He didn't come to say hi."
"Dumb joke, okay, but it could be anything. Maybe he has a question for you. Maybe there's some problem back home he needs your help with. I don't know. Do you have to just assume he's here to drag you back to Asgard? Treat it like a fight before you know that's what it is?"
"Which of you would care to tell me you know him better than I do? I've known him for over a thousand years. You think it a coincidence he arrives within…what, an hour? Two? Of my decision to remain here for the winter?"
"It's probably not a coincidence," Austin said; shame flashed through Loki immediately on the heels of the flash of gratitude, there and then gone. "But you can't go out there looking like that."
Loki arched a challenging eyebrow.
"I mean obviously you can do what you want, but this…it looks like you're itching for a fight. Surely that's not the best way to handle this. It just…it doesn't look right."
"Lucas," Carlo said, slipping around Elliot and past Austin to reach the lower of the two stairs Loki was on.
Loki shifted uncomfortably, dropping his other foot onto the lower stair, too. He had not anticipated a confrontation with the Polies before he could even reach the confrontation with Thor. He glanced downward, considering turning on his heel and leaving them behind, trapped inside by the frigid temperatures.
"We can explain to your brother why we want you to stay, if you think it will help. We can't do much else."
"His hammer's definitely bigger than ours," Wright said.
"Shut up, Wright," Selby said.
"I don't think that—"
"Sorry, Lucas, but if everyone" – Carlo paused for a pointed look back at Wright – "would let me finish. Austin is right. This doesn't look right."
"It looks right on Asgard," Loki said quietly. These people simply did not understand the situation, or what to expect from an angry self-righteous Thor. He could not blame them for that, and, fumbling though they may be, he admitted to himself that he did appreciate their attempts at conciliation.
"You aren't on Asgard. You're on Earth. At the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station. And you're Asgardian, but you aren't here as an Asgardian. None of us is from this place. We all came here from somewhere else, and we all became Polies. You're here as a Polie. As one of us. And we don't dress like that here. If you go out there to tell him you're staying, I think you should do it like one of us."
"Yes. That's it exactly," Austin said. "That's why it doesn't look right. You want to tell him you're staying for the winter? You don't go out there looking like you're ready for war. You don't go on his terms, you go on yours. You go looking like a Polie. Like you're one of us. Like you belong here."
"That's not a bad idea," Wright said. "It sends a signal."
"Forget about signals," Carlo said. "It's the truth. You should live the truth."
The heads that nodded and voices that murmured agreement fell away. Live the truth. Loki wasn't entirely sure what that meant, or whether it was the most vacuous combination of words he'd ever heard or the wisest. Regardless, it was far beyond what he was capable of. There was a fundamental truth he had no interest in acknowledging, much less living, and it wasn't in his nature in the first place.
And yet…
They were correct. He had every right to be here, because the only people who had the right to say he didn't had instead said they wanted him here. Appearances mattered – Wright was correct in that, too – and so, yes, he would present himself to Thor as one whose presence here was a foregone conclusion. Thor was the outsider, lacking standing to voice any opinion on the matter. Loki was a Polie.
The weight from his helmet and layered clothing vanished, leaving him in the dark blue silk shirt and black slacks he had donned this morning. He glanced around him to smiles and nods…and clothing that still did not exactly resemble his.
A second later, the expressions of his fellows ranged from shock to confusion to Wright's near-comical chagrin. He looked down at himself: loose-fitting dark gray and white checkered flannel shirt, black jeans, dark gray tennis shoes with dark blue markings. Men and women both wore such things here; he'd based the shoes on the red and black pair Austin was wearing. If he were to see himself in a mirror, though, he was certain he would be wearing the same face as the others. At least it wasn't a sleeveless shirt with a grinning penguin on it.
Another few seconds of consideration and his clothes again appeared as he'd purchased them in Sydney, down to the black python monk-strap shoes he'd come to love. Taking that in, he shifted the black wool pants back to the black jeans.
"Lucas Cane, get on your radio right now. If you don't have it on you I swear to God we are going to have a problem. Over."
With a frustrated sigh Loki stuck out his hand toward Carlo. "May I?"
Carlo pulled the radio from the waist of his jeans and handed it to Loki, who flipped the dial to respond directly to Olivia. At least it obliged him to stop adjusting his attire. "I'm here, radio in hand as ordered."
"You have a radio in hand. And I had to check, since you haven't shown up in Comms, as ordered. Is it true that Thor is here? What's going on?"
As though he had heard his name, the outer door opened, out of sight behind the vestibule door just below and across the corridor from them, followed by the stamping of feet and the opening of the vestibule door. A hand reached tentatively through the hanging strips of heavy plastic, then held them aside. Thor stepped through.
"Oh, it's true. I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit preoccupied now, Olivia. I'll have to speak with you later." Loki turned off the radio before returning it to Carlo.
/
/
Thor entered the building with relief, stamping his feet to loosen the ice from his boots. The cold here was extreme and unrelenting. He'd considered sending for a proper coat before leaving Asgard again, but decided his time outdoors wouldn't be enough to warrant the delay. Beyond the outer metal door was little more than another metal door, so Thor opened that one, too, finding behind it some kind of dangling near-opaque material, easy enough to push aside.
Loki's voice coming from somewhere above him startled him, and when he looked across the corridor and up into the garishly-colored stairwell, there his brother stood, speaking into a hand-held device and surrounded by a small group of Midgardians – or a large group, Loki's "army" perhaps, for only the lower portion of the stairs was in view. Loki looked decidedly strange.
"Loki! There you are!" Thor called as he crossed the corridor, then started up the yellow stairs backed by a light gray and reddish checkered wall. "I was afraid I would have trouble finding you and you're the first person I see."
"We all heard your arrival," Loki said, not budging. With Carlo still on the same step, Thor was forced to remain two steps below. The pettiness of taking pleasure in that did not bother Loki in the slightest. "Was spectacle really necessary? No one here saw it, and everyone except me feared we were having an earthquake."
"My apologies," Thor said after putting together what Loki was telling him, making sure to meet everyone's eyes, a small group rather than an army after all. "Heimdall sent me some distance from here. Mjolnir brought me the rest of the way, and…sometimes that comes with a little thunder and lightning," he explained with a smile for the benefit of Loki's mortal companions, grouped around him on yellow stairs that seemed to lead up into darkness.
Sometimes. Such as when you're emotional, especially when you're angry and you've taken some time to stew in it, especially when you're determined to do something about that anger. "Well, you're here now, and I'm simply dying with curiosity to know what has prompted you to grace us with your unforeseen presence."
"Hey, Thor, welcome back to the South Pole!" Wright called from a few steps above. "Why don't you come on up to the galley and get warmed up. Want a coffee?"
Loki pivoted to look up at Wright, restraining a murderous glare only with the most iron of wills. Wright gave him a twitchy little shrug as Thor responded.
"I would love a coffee. And I thank you for your kind welcome," Thor said, relieved to be headed further into the main building here, even if he had to pause to avoid running into Loki before his brother finally began ascending the stairs. For the sake of politeness and diplomacy amidst these mortals, he could pretend that Loki, too, had welcomed him.
As they climbed, Loki clenched his teeth so tightly his jaw ached. If he said anything at all it would be biting. Baiting. Bitter enough to choke on. In front of the Polies he would hold his tongue. The idea of bringing Thor to the galley though…. His steps hitched as he nearly spun around to halt this procession. Bad enough to confront Thor in the stairwell, but this was infinitely worse, so much more wrong. He'd wanted to prevent Thor from ever entering the elevated station in the first place.
"The building seems to be holding up well," Thor said to the group when they reached the second-floor landing.
Meanwhile, Nathan emerged from the Beer Can stairs down the hall, did a double-take upon catching sight of Thor, then ducked into the A1 berthing wing with his tool box.
"Yes," Loki said over a couple of other comments as a few heads nodded, and that was that. They were not going to the galley and Thor was not getting coffee. "Thank you for the escort, but I need to speak with our visitor alone. They'll be preparing dinner in the galley. We'll go to the Computer Room." They needed only to retrace a few steps and pass Club Med, and like Jane, most people here had brought a laptop; the Computer Room was almost always empty.
"Perhaps that's best," Thor said with an agreeable nod. He wasn't blind to the tension around him, and Loki, unsurprisingly, wasn't happy to see him. They would be able to speak more freely alone. They all came to a halt when Loki did, before a door labeled "Computer Room," probably the nearest closed door Loki could get him behind.
"Good to see you again, Thor," Austin said. "Maybe another time on the coffee. Thanks for helping us out here before. We'll always be grateful. And we're really glad Loki decided to stay and finish out the winter season here with the rest of us."
Loki pursed his lips to hold back a smile. It could have been smoother, but it wasn't bad. And while he didn't want the Polies to become involved in this confrontation, this much was welcome.
A few polite exchanges followed, including Selby offering to find Jane and tell her Thor was here – fantastic – but Loki barely caught it because Wright had nudged him aside and asked to speak with him. Loki indicated Thor should enter. He caught only a flash of Thor's look of confusion before he had closed the door, Thor inside the Computer Room and everyone else outside it.
"Jerk," Wright said immediately to Austin in a subdued voice. "That's what I was going to say."
"What?" Austin said.
"Why do you think I wanted him to come down to the galley for coffee?"
"He can probably hear you," Loki said.
Wright swore, then winced. "Sorry," he said more quietly. "Look, I don't want to keep you, but can you answer a couple questions first? Does he get a vote? Do you have to answer to him?"
"No."
"Then there's nothing to worry about," Carlo said.
"I see a 'but' coming," Sue said.
Loki shook his head, but Sue wasn't wrong. "He is technically King of Asgard at the moment. He may think he has a vote, or rather, the vote. But he doesn't, and if he disagrees…I'll simply have to convince him otherwise."
"We can get the Queen of the South Pole," Wright said.
Loki choked down a laugh, picturing first his mother in her borrowed ECW gear, then Jane in hers, and only then landing on Olivia. "I'll keep that in mind as a back-up plan. Austin…thank you for what you said. Wright…for what you wanted to say. But I need to handle this on my own."
"We all wanted to say it," Carlo said.
Sue nodded. "Thor's not a Polie. You are."
Loki started to respond but found himself speechless. Sue hadn't wanted him to stay, even if she hadn't actively opposed it in the end. Her support was unexpected.
"Yeah, that's it," Wright said. "Thor's great. It'd be cool to hang out with him sometime, and every one of us here owes him a lot, along with you, too, of course. But we got your back on this. I mean…we're going to be hiding behind your back if things really go down, but you know what I mean, we're on your side. We've got your back, Bro."
"Don't call me that," Loki snapped.
"Sorry," Wright said, with no anger or defensiveness – only a trace of bewilderment.
Loki took a deep, slow breath. Wright meant well. He had a sharp mind, a friendly if occasionally obnoxious manner, and was a complete oaf who couldn't help but annoy Loki virtually every time he opened his mouth. It would be "cool" to hang out with Thor, but Wright and the others would stand by Loki because Loki was a Polie. They would rather it be Thor here, but instead they got me. He couldn't hold it against them. Everyone would rather it be Thor. Thor laughed and made them laugh, and Loki…
He took another deep, slow breath. It didn't matter. Thor did not belong here, and these people were willing to stand up to Thor, Avenger and King of Asgard, on his behalf. That was no small thing. Suddenly a tightness he hadn't even realized had been around his chest loosened. It was not a small thing. It was enormous. They did not deserve to suffer the turbulent wrathful mood Thor's arrival had plunged him into.
"I'm sorry. I'm angry at Thor, not at you. And I do sincerely thank you. For having my back. It means a great deal."
"You got it, man," Wright said.
"We'll wait in the galley," Austin put in.
Loki's eyes drifted closed as he shook his head. "No more ambushes in the galley. Please, go on back to work. I'll handle this, and everything will be fine."
"We weren't working, if you recall," Elliot said.
"Yeah, I don't think that's happening," Wright added. "But anyway, we should go fill in Olivia."
"You're right," Austin said. "We'll head to Comms then for now, and no galley ambushes."
"Thank you," Loki said. The words were even starting to feel almost natural.
/
/
Thor waited and waited. When Loki didn't immediately return, he surveyed his surroundings with perfunctory interest. A dull space – bleak, even. Everything appeared utilitarian: walls, floors, chairs, tables. Machines only vaguely reminiscent of those that had filled Jane's workshop. Jane's, he was certain, were superior. She had made them herself, after all.
A smile spread over his face, in unison with the pride swelling in his chest. Jane was remarkable in every way. To choose to live in such a harsh, austere environment, and not simply choose it, but commit to it and embrace it, when easier and more comfortable alternatives existed. Like Asgard, he couldn't help thinking. He truly did not begrudge her decision to come here, and to return here – he respected her all the more for it – but selfishly he wished she could stay on Asgard. She would find rewarding work there as well, and he would find her support invaluable in the trying times ahead. They would work hard all day, and at night share both their touches and their tales. Everything Jane had spoken of, the time they needed together, they could have it now. For a moment his thoughts were swept away by it, right along with his heart.
But that kind of time together would have to wait, again.
Jane's discipline was commendable; he knew she had been tempted to come to Asgard and abandon the opportunity she'd earned to pursue her work at this South Pole on Midgard. Though not a warrior in the Asgardian sense, Jane had the spirit of one in her courage and her unwillingness to shrink from hardship. And no doubt she was the smartest person here.
His gaze drifted back to the closed door. The smartest mortal, at least. Loki, perhaps the smartest Aesir he knew, might be a match for her.
Still he waited, shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Such a dreary space. He considered and rejected trying to settle himself on one of the drab chairs. Perhaps the combination of yellow stairs and red-and-gray-checkered wall was an attempt to liven up the place, make its isolation and eternal darkness a little more bearable. Still, there were probably better color options, and polished gleaming surfaces would go a long way.
Images of Jotunheim popped into mind unbidden – another dreary place of unceasing cold and darkness. He had seen the ruins; they had once made what he assumed must be their version of greatness from the ice itself. Perhaps it had been beautiful in their eyes. Now, though, there was no sign even of an attempt to make something of the ice. The chamber he'd seen, a chamber where Jotunheim's queen presumably resided, consisted of literally no more than walls, ceiling, and floor, all of simple smooth ice with a bit of light seeping from it. If Loki had seen anything different, he hadn't mentioned it.
Years ago, centuries ago if he was honest with himself – and he was trying to be – Loki's silence would have been unthinkable. He could imagine it easily, a more boyish Loki racing to relay every detail of what he'd seen, analyze it, explain it as though he understood what it all meant even though he was just guessing, simply to make himself look smarter than his older dullard brother. And Loki, for all either of them knew, might have even guessed correctly. Loki would have gone over it all for days, weeks, even months, while in time Thor would pretend to be humoring the obsessive interest, secretly still just as interested, until there was nothing new and he really did have to humor Loki until…he didn't.
Did I shut him down? Too quickly? he amended, because he knew that answer. Too often? He knew that answer, too. I made him think I wasn't interested. I made him think I didn't care. It was worse than that, though. Of course he hadn't been interested in everything Loki was. They may have grown up bound by invisible string, but as they grew their difference emerged – different interests, talents…in the simplest of terms, different people. But it wasn't just that he wasn't interested in all the same things Loki was. He'd seen Loki's interests as less valuable than his. Less worthy. Why would Loki keep bringing those discoveries and ideas to him, knowing his response would be an eye-roll or an arrogant jest?
He would give anything to have that back, that time of such closeness and openness between him and his brother. To have not thrown it away as though it lacked value. To have realized at the time that that was exactly what he was doing, that one day he would insult his brother's penchant for stories, for mischief, for books, for magic, for anything that wasn't battle one time too many, and his brother would not come back. Not the brother he knew, anyway. The Loki that came back would say "I love you" while plotting his ruin. That Loki would be permitted into a secret Jotun inner sanctum and speak nary a word of it, save a few issues of potential strategic significance in a rare moment of good will. But nothing from Loki's heart, not his true one. Nothing of his hopes and certainly not his fears. Nothing—
The door opened.
"I'm sorry, Brother."
Loki's frown intensified to a glare; Thor grimaced.
"I mean 'Loki.'"
"I go by Lucas here."
Thor's own face shifted to a frown. "I can't even call you by your name now? I don't think I can call you by this…Lucas," he said, trying it out. "No," he concluded. "They all know your true name now. I…. Don't they?"
Less than two seconds after the question slipped out, Thor knew he had erred even worse than before.
"So that's why you're here. You suspect I've bewitched them all to…what, forget who I am? You utter fool, did you not notice they knew who you were? Did you not notice they referred to me as your brother? Ignorantly of course, but they aren't to blame for that. You're thinking perhaps that they meant your mortal Canadian astrophysicist brother named Lucas Cane?"
"No, of course that's not what I think. You delib—"
"Bald-faced lies suit you no better now than when you were ten, Thor. Of course that's what you thought. Why else did you show up here when you made no mention of intending to do so? When you bade Jane a farewell, not a 'see you tomorrow'? When you arrived here and explicitly announced you were looking for me. You came to bring provisions, did you?"
Thor's spiraling mood brightened. Loki would not be expecting this answer…and a change in subject would be most welcome. "Indeed, I have brought a few things with me."
Loki narrowed his eyes. Thor's hands were empty. Mjolnir was of course in easy reach, so ever-present that Loki thought not much differently of it than any of Thor's other bodily appendages. His pants had several inconspicuous pockets, and now that he looked, he saw the thin leather ties looped around the small disks at Thor's sides that indicated he wore a pack under his cape. "You mean you came with excuses." Even if Thor had brought him something, that this was the motivation for his arrival here was preposterous.
"Valhalla's cups, Loki, must everything be a battle between us?"
Loki physically staggered back a step, as though having taken a blow to the stomach – for show, but nonetheless reflective of just how staggering was Thor's never-ending idiocy. "You are…. Words honestly fail me, Thor. Battle is exactly what you came for. You showed up here and without even a knock let yourself in and—"
"There were no guards and I saw no system or means of requesting entry. I did look."
"There aren't any guards here. We're in the middle of nowhere and literally inaccessible to the entire rest of the realm right now. They aren't expecting anyone to turn up unannounced. Even the personal chambers don't have locks here. The worst thing to ever make it inside this building was me."
"Why do they want you to stay, then? Tony said one of them told him it was their idea, and they had to convince you."
"Tony said? Tony Stark? Oh, this just keeps getting better!"
"I had to speak with him about Geirmund. Which was not pleasant, by the way. And he noticed that you hadn't left. He was worried."
"Was he? Concerned something unfortunate had befallen me and prevented my departure?"
"I…don't…think that—"
"Of course that's not what he thought, idiot. Have you become even more stupid since I saw you just yesterday? He thought I was forcing my presence upon them. Tricking them. Enslaving them to my will. And so forth. Who did he—. Rodrigo. Of course it was Rodrigo," he said, huffing a surly sigh. He'd even seen Rodrigo leaving the galley with a sat phone to his ear. He shouldn't blame the man. Clearly Tony Stark had initiated the contact, and Rodrigo could hardly be expected to lie to the Iron Man, the one non-Polie Midgardian who already knew Loki had been here. Rodrigo's job, in the end, was communications. Still, it rankled. Rodrigo had held a conversation with Loki's enemy, behind Loki's back, about Loki, and hadn't said a word.
"I don't know. Tony said it was their…'comms guy'?"
"Yes, Thor," Loki said, hissing the 's' in aggravation. "I know. Keep up. So, shall I round them all up and parade them before you for interrogation and an eye examination? Though I could be masking their eye color and compelling them to lie to you."
"Loki, no. I've already heard enough on that matter," Thor said, trying not to let Loki's malicious little seed of compelled lies take any root. "But I still don't understand why they asked you to stay."
"Of course you don't. Why should this be any different from anything else? Luckily for all our sakes, you don't need to understand it, nor do I need to explain it. It's none of your business."
"You don't—." Thor took a moment. It was like talking to a stone wall, only a stone wall was more yielding. "It's just a question. I was surprised they wanted you to remain, after they learned of the deception. After all the chaos. But fine, what about you, then? Why did you agree to stay? I may not know you as I once did, but I know this is not a location you would choose for yourself, except out of necessity. You were going to go to Alfheim. You like it there."
"Same answer," Loki said with a death glare. "Should I show you to the door or does that feeble little brain of yours still remember the way?"
"Enough!" Thor shouted, shoving Loki against the door. He hadn't pushed that hard; still the door rattled ominously behind his brother. "What has gotten into you? When you left Asgard, I thought it was…almost amicable. It's one step forward and ten steps back with you!"
"Because you can't leave me be for even one day! I leave and your first thought is that I must be up to something malevolent."
"That isn't at all true, Loki. You have done nothing but demean and slander me from the moment I arrived. There's no need for this…this savagery.That's not why I came."
"The provisions, right," Loki said, switching to a sarcastically bright tone, eyes drifting off to the side, unfocused, pushing the tension from his body. Then he drew back his arm and rushed at Thor, who managed only the start of one step back before he grunted and wrenched himself away, Loki holding on and following. "Liar," Loki breathed right into his ear.
Thor stood seething but still. With conscious effort he unclenched his left hand and drew his right away from where his fingers brushed Mjolnir's handle. Loki was so close their noses brushed and he could feel the press of Loki's knuckles into his side. It might have looked to an outsider like a one-armed embrace between brothers, but for the wild rage on Loki's face. Loki's dagger, sunk shallowly into Thor's side and still in Loki's firm grip, was hidden from view.
"You are lucky I have learned patience, Brother," Thor said once he was certain he could do so calmly.
"Patience," Loki echoed. He gave Thor a restrained shove, more to push himself off of Thor than to actually maneuver the big buffoon. The dagger he left where he'd put it. "It hasn't even been a full day, and here you are. Patience," he scoffed again.
"Patience," Thor repeated, firmly, hand rising to his side, fingers grazing the grip of Loki's dagger. The leather should have provided some resistance to the blade. Loki probably had his blades forged specifically to slip easily through Thor's leather. "You can change back. I'm not here to do battle."
"There will be no battle. I promised the mortals and I intend to keep that promise. That was merely a message." With another second's consideration he shifted back to Midgardian wear. "They also advised that I clothe myself like I belong here. Because, difficult though it may be for you to accept…they believe that I do." The words were carefully chosen, concealing the ones he could not quite bring himself to proclaim.
"I'm telling you, I've heard and seen enough on that matter. I do accept it. Loki. It's you who cannot accept what I say. I came because I was worried for you."
Loki stared hard at Thor, seeking out the lie. He couldn't find it. That meant either Thor thoroughly believed his own lie – what Finnulfur had told him about Asgard's failed exploration of detecting lies and compelling truth flashed to mind – or there was no lie. "Why?" he finally demanded, voice pitched low and full of foreboding, when he could not think of a single explanation outside the outlandish, such as the Polies having done something to him that could actually harm him and that he could not easily extricate himself from. He faced no danger here, no threat; he'd been freely welcomed to remain and had freely agreed to do so.
"I've been trying to think of how to say it without angering you…I suppose that was a wasted effort," Thor said, waving vaguely at his side, then dropping his hand from where it had still hovered there.
Loki held his tongue. If, as he suspected, Thor was hoping that would prompt an apology, the oaf was in for a disappointment.
"Much has happened over the last couple of years. And you have been…alone, for so much of it. On Asgard, when you had the throne. When you fell from the bifrost, and whatever happened after that. On Midgard, when you attacked. On Jotunheim, when you met Farbauti. For everything I've been through, Loki, I've had people I could talk to, share my thoughts and feelings with, or even simply complain to. But we used to have each other for that, too. And I…."
"Talking was what you had in mind on Midgard when you dragged me off that airship? Sharing thoughts and feelings was your intent atop that mountain, when you raised Mjolnir against me?" Despite their sharpness, Loki's words held little true anger. Nor was he interrupting; Thor had trailed off into silence. He felt drained, as though he was collapsing in on himself, and sought only to avoid revealing that to Thor.
"Not then, no. I don't think either of us was in much of a mood for talking then."
"You at least claim to have been in one ever since you brought me back in chains."
"I wanted to talk. Yes. I wanted us to talk. I wanted to know what happened, and why. I wanted to understand, and to make things better. But now I think…maybe you need to talk. Maybe you need someone to talk to, after all that's happened."
"And this just randomly occurred to you the very day that I agree to remain on Midgard for the rest of the winter season?" Loki wondered if Thor was avoiding invoking Jane's name just as studiously as he was.
"I admit, I did want to make sure all was well here. I swear to you, Loki, I'm already assured of it."
All is not well here. Loki waited for Thor to continue.
"Tony…he showed me something. A recording. You were….in his bathroom. I protested that he had made such a recording, but…Loki?"
Loki felt the door at his back before he realized he'd backed into it. He quickly schooled his expression, his posture, his entire body, even his mind. Thor wouldn't know what had happened any more than Tony or the others had.
"I'm not asking you about that. It was an invasion of your privacy and I won't use it against you. But it made me realize…how much you've endured, with no one to share the burden, through any of it. I worried if you were well. If you were not suffering in silence. I know you've made friends here, but there is much they don't know. Even Jane…she cannot fully understand the significance of the truths you learned about your origins, the peoples beyond this realm the Midgardians have no experience of. With all that I am, Loki, I wish I had been at your side through it all. All I can do now is offer myself to listen. Whatever it is you experienced, whatever you felt…I will listen, without judgement. And it will be between us, as bro—. Ah…it will be between us. I will keep your confidence."
Loki rolled his eyes, grateful for the opening to interrupt. "You can't keep a secret to save your life. You never could. And you announced I was 'adopted' to your new mortal friends the first chance you had."
Thor sagged, then grimaced because the movement jarred the dagger. "Would you mind?" He set his jaw and smoothly withdrew it, then held it out to Loki. The residents here would not appreciate a bloody blade left lying about, and Thor didn't want to be stuck holding it. But leaving it in prevented his body from healing the wound.
Loki made Thor wait a moment, then snatched the dagger back and sent it away.
"I'm ashamed of that. I made a mistake. If it helps at all, I discussed this with Tony, and I told him no more than what he already knew, and that you did not want this information known."
"Wonderful," Loki groaned, angling his head as though he could see through the door to the people beyond. "I expect to be fielding questions about it by dinner tonight." It felt unreal as he said it, no more than a blithely cynical aside; he was not in the slightest capable of contemplating any such reality.
"You will not. He'll honor his word. He's not seeking to harm you. In fact…between the two of us, he might be more well-disposed toward you at the moment. But regardless, you have nothing to worry about from him on that account. He said it would not be possible to remove the information from the files it must already be in, but he also said it isn't seen as important here. He said if it's mentioned to anyone from Asgard, we treat it as a ridiculous Midgardian tale and remind them that Midgardians also believe you gave birth to Mjolnir. And if anyone on Midgard mentions that I was the one who said it…we can say it was merely a jest."
"A jest."
Thor nodded. Loki's displeasure was obvious, but he knew of no better way to respond. The situation was a terrible one, and it was entirely his fault.
"Is Tony Stark aware of what an awful liar you are?"
"I…think he's aware, yes. He suggested I practice."
Loki clasped his hands behind his back and paced away from the confined space at the entryway where he was in a sense trapped between Thor and the door. If he gave himself over to it, he could lose his temper and his mind from just this one thing. The idea of treating Thor's grand announcement as a jest was sickening. The idea that stepping away from that announcement would rely on Thor's ability to tell a convincing falsehood…. There were not enough daggers in existence.
He rounded back on Thor, who took a hurried step back, clearly startled and likely also thinking of daggers. "If you must ever address this again, you will think first of how ashamed you supposedly feel, and—"
"I do feel."
"Good. You will think first of that, and then you will say that you were angry, and you thought only to insult me, and now you regret saying such an unkind thing. It is simple, and as you say, it is true. Think first about how you feel, and it will show plainly on your face and you will be believed. The discomfort you feel from concealing the full truth will be interpreted as part of your shame. Do you understand?"
Thor nodded, then repeated back what Loki had told him. He had no doubt every bit of misery he felt showed on his face.
"Convincing. They'll buy you a drink to console you."
"I won't deserve it."
"No. What did you say earlier? Your Man of Iron is upset with you? He didn't object to my pronouncement in the end, though?"
"He did not. He's concerned about the length of the exile, but hopeful something useful for Midgard will come of it. He wondered if your decision was intended to spite him."
"I think who he's more well-disposed toward is clear, then."
"I told him that wasn't the case, of course. But I also had to tell him how this situation arose."
Loki nodded. Of course Thor had told the whole story. He hadn't thought about that, but then he'd not much cared to think about Geirmund or the arrangements necessary to carry out his judgement. "Did you tell him it was your fault, for some reason?" They had already discussed this, and while absolving Thor of blame for what happened back then was unquestionably grounded in truth, that didn't make it an easy truth. If Thor was back to blaming himself, Loki had no intention of following up on this oblique reminder with further explicit reassurance.
"No. But he accused Asgard of torture."
"You didn't—. Ah. You defended Asgard."
"Of course I defended Asgard. I told him Asgard does not permit the torture of prisoners."
"How interesting," Loki said, staring off into the distance. "Tony Stark is displeased with you, with Asgard, for what he believes to have been my mistreatment? My torture? I confess I am at a loss."
"Did you believe it to have been torture?"
"I cannot say I spent an excessive amount of time analyzing and categorizing what I was experiencing." He shrugged. Tony Stark's opinion was more interesting that his own, when it came again to things he didn't care to dwell on. "What difference does it make now?"
"I think it does make a difference. I'm king now. I could face difficult decisions, difficult judgements. Should I not consider such things?"
"You're rather unlikely to face that particular one again."
Thor nodded. "That form of punishment is now prohibited, and the serpent is no more. Does that not suggest it was later deemed torture, even if the word was not used?"
"So you defended Asgard, but now you agree with Tony? Do you simply believe the last person you spoke with? Thor…if you wish to spend your days and nights submerging yourself in things that were only left in the past with great difficulty, go right ahead. As for me, I spent more than enough time living with it, and I won't be drawn into your sudden need to drag it all out for scrutiny. Especially not here."
"All right. I understand. I didn't mean to bring it up here anyway. I had in mind more recent events. I think…it is clear that some things are still bothering you."
"I can't imagine what could possibly be bothering me at this exact moment."
"Enough that you crumbled a countertop in Tony's home."
"I think it an acceptable alternative to crumbling Tony."
"You can talk to me, Loki. You can tell me what happened, what it was like. I know things are…difficult between us. But I love you. And I will listen."
"Oh, well in that case…. I should now speak on command? I was in the middle of something. Did you honestly think you would come here, magnanimously announce your readiness to listen, and I would drop everything to inform you of my every thought, feeling, experience? After you first made sure I wasn't holding the South Pole's residents hostage, of course. I didn't ask for this. I don't need or want this. I want to spend the winter season here as I intended, as suggested by and agreed upon with the other Polies. It doesn't involve you. You don't belong here." Loki realized then, with a shock, that I do was in fact on the tip of his tongue. The words didn't take form, but they were there, and at least in that moment, for the first time, he believed them.
"I didn't necessarily mean right now. I—"
"That's exactly what you meant. You expected my deepest thoughts to come tumbling out of me uncensored as though we were children. Merely because you asked."
"No," Thor insisted with a huff. "I expected you to be bitter and resistant and at least a little angry. I did not expect the degree of your anger, or your viciousness. I'm not as unaware of things as you think. Or as I used to be," he added in concession. "I was genuinely worried about you, Loki. Your broken mirror, Tony's counter, the way you were staring into nothing, and for how long…. I hadn't considered before how deeply all you've been through must still affect you, and how your isolation must have made it even worse. I wanted to tell you that, and to offer to…to lend my ear to listen." My arms to embrace, he thought, but knew better than to say. "Without…how to explain this to you…without any purpose of my own except to allow you to speak of things you've been unable to. To allow you to unburden yourself in a way. To not be alone."
"I am not alone," Loki said, casting a deliberate glance over Thor's shoulder, to the door beyond it.
"You will speak freely with the others here about going to Jotunheim? Meeting Farbauti?" He hesitated, but had to continue. "Encountering Thanos?"
"If spilling forth words eliminated burdens, perhaps. But no. I think I shall play darts, and poker, and go skiing, and perhaps come up with another new solution to the FLRW equations, and speak of ridiculous and largely inconsequential things that are amusing and pass the time pleasantly. And that will be more than enough. I'm not looking for anything else."
Thor nodded slowly, resigned even if not entirely without hope. That he would always cling to. "If you change your mind, you—"
"I'll demand Heimdall send for you immediately and speak until you bleed from both ears. But I wouldn't recommend holding your breath. Satisfied now?"
"Not really. I hope that despite your sarcasm you recognize that I speak in earnest. And I'll—"
"You don't know any other way to speak, so yes, noted," Loki said, the words tumbling out almost of their own accord now that Thor's comments had the feel of a prelude to a farewell, hopefully the last one for a very long time.
"I'm more grateful than ever that you at least have Jane. I know she's lent an ear to you in the past, and she'll continue to, if you allow her."
Thor waited, face so open and guileless. The hint of a smile indicated the expectation of a positive response, an affirmation that of course he would confide in Jane about his troubles and strife. The big oaf meant all of it, Loki knew. Thor cared. Standing there with blood-stained leather, taking insult after insult and even a blade with barely a raised voice, Thor cared. About him. Said he would listen without judgement. Loki scoffed at the idea, but he thought Thor would at least try. He'd wanted something like this for so long. For Thor to listen to him, to see him, to remember that he was something more than a loyal shadow who knew his place. They had drifted so far apart that oceans had formed between them, and Loki wasn't sure Thor had even perceived a creek before the distance became too great to traverse.
But that was then, and this was now, and it wasn't what Loki wanted now.
He wanted Jane. Wanted her in every way. But she had betrayed him, and now he didn't have her in any way. He didn't…but Thor did.
Words still far from him, he glanced toward where he'd thrust a knife into Thor's side. Perhaps he'd overreacted a little. Perhaps his rage at Thor's arrival wasn't entirely about Thor's concerns over him remaining at the South Pole. Looking back, Thor had never seemed all that concerned.
Loki had lost Jane, and Thor still had her.
"Well," he forced out, trying to push Thor's departure along, "like I said, I was in the middle of something. You, ah, you said you brought something? Hand it over and you can be on your way." He could hope, at least.
"The things I brought…they're actually for Jane," Thor said with an embarrassed shrug. "And I wouldn't leave without seeking her out, too. I simply wanted to see you first."
"Ah." So much for hope. "I'm sure everyone knows you're here by now, including her. She's probably waiting for you somewhere out there," he said as the thought occurred to him. Because of course there had never actually been any hope; it shouldn't have taken even a second's thought to realize that. Thor was closer to the door now anyway, but Loki extended a hand in that direction. They might as well get on with it so Thor could be one step closer to leaving.
"I apologize for frightening the others. I'll take care to arrive with less…'spectacle' next time."
Loki was nodding along – acknowledging, agreeing, whatever it took to get Thor out the door and on to his next appointment, right up until the last word. "'Next time'?"
/
Written Pri, Ohr, Rom; Edited BG
Surprise, how's about a quick update? :-)
The next will probably not be so quick. There's a key segment for which I have a pre-write that is apparently only on an old document on my desktop, and I may not see that baby again for a while, probably 2 months minimum. On the other hand there's a chance it's on one of the removable hard drive backups that went with me in my carry-on, so, we'll see! Life will also soon start moving into high-gear hectic again with next-stage move stuff. Guest who recently commented, thank you for your concern! I am doing okay, and I really am sorry for how MIA I've been.
Anyway, here's a wee teaser for Ch. 230: To avoid being too spoilery, I'll just say that words get a little heated.
Excerpt:
"[...] You've told me what you want, fine. I'll respect that. But it isn't just you. I'm not coming back to spite you. It isn't about you. I'm doing it because I want to see Jane."
"Why?" Loki immediately demanded.
Thor blinked heavily, then stared for a few seconds before responding. "What do you mean, 'why'? Because I miss her, because…. Why do you think I want to see her?"
