Kendall comes over to visit his namesake while Tom is away on business. His eyes light up when he sees his niece. Shiv wishes she could feel that joy at seeing her daughter, or feel anything really.
"She's so beautiful," says Kendall, jiggling the baby.
"You want her?" She sees Ken flinch. "Just kidding."
"How are you?" he asks.
"Exhausted. I feel like I haven't slept for months."
"You look great."
"Don't lie to me."
"Okay, you look like shit. Do you wanna go and lie down? I can watch her while you sleep."
"She might need breastfeeding."
"You don't have any expressed milk?"
"No, Kendall. I can't produce on demand." She sinks down on the couch. He comes to sit by her.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" he asks gently. "If you need to talkā¦"
"I'm fine. I'm just tired."
He puts an arm around her, shifting baby Kendall to his other arm. She leans against him, fighting back tears.
"It'll be alright," he says. Shiv doesn't feel like anything will ever be alright again. She holds back a sob.
"Look at me," he says. She does, tears dripping from her eyelashes.
"You're doing great. You're a great mom. I love you."
"I love you too." She lets him wipe the tears away. She's too exhausted to wipe them herself.
"Get some sleep." She nods and curls onto her side. She's in that strange place between awake and asleep for she's not sure how long. She can feel Kendall covering her with a blanket at some point, but she doesn't open her eyes.
