raven's perspective
"Titans, trouble!" I shook from the loud announcement and blaring alarms.
"We're coming, Robin!" Beastboy called.
"I'm almost ready."
I slipped into my leotard.
Several months had passed since the incident with the robber.
I didn't meditate or read as much as I used to, but I was getting there. When I stuck my head in a book, my mind began to stay there. When I meditated I still struggled to keep the event from my mind. All the same, with every passing day I was becoming more successful.
I began to eat more. I didn't simply stick to a cup of herbal tea or bites of food every now and then. My appetite was evening itself out: three meals a day, staying hydrated, and a couple of snacks here and there.
I took it day by day. I resumed combat practice to help keep my body and powers in check. My hygiene was more included in my routines.
I began to play chess with Cyborg again.
I began to meditate with Starfire again.
I began to watch sunrises with Robin again.
I began to tell Beastboy I didn't want to play video games.
Again.
I was much healthier, stronger, and more compassionate. I became grateful for the world around me and that I was still in it despite the terrors it held.
I was not a superherione who had it all together, someone who gained full enlightment, or someone completely healed.
Even now, I had my panic attacks, bouts of depression, outbursts, and crying fits. I was learning to comprehend my emotions although I could not fully embrace them as of yet. I was learning to accept the fact that my trauma is still here, but so am I.
I grew to understand there is transformation in trials. With a struggle comes a strength. Within pressure, there is perseverance. And with hurt, there is healing.
"Are you sure you're ready, Rae?"
"Yep." I swung on my cloak and took a deep breath.
"You've got the proudest boyfriend in the whole dang universe." he snaked his arms around my hips then kissed my neck.
"Awww, stop... you're making me blush."
"That's my job. All jokes aside... I'm really proud of you, Rae. You never thought you would go back out to the battlefield, now look. You made it to that brighter day. The day where you could manage to push the fear away for a bit and face the world. The day where you could fight for what you believe in, no matter what. And for that... I am extremely proud of you."
"Ew, I'm crying." I wiped water from the corner of my eye.
"It's okay to cry. Crying is a powerful release." he whispered softly.
The heavy, burning, familiar pain began to stir in my chest. The gun reappeared in my mind again. I shivered and took in an unsteady breath.
"Breathe, Raven. I'm right here."
He hugged me a bit tighter.
It's like he knew when the onset of my attacks was starting.
I closed my eyes and attempted to clear my head.
"I know you're still afraid, love bug. I know it still hurts, and we still have those scary nights that don't seem to end. But one day we'll be so good, all of these bad days won't even matter."
I faced my boyfriend, his hands remaining on my waist.
"You're a genius." a tear dashed down my face.
"Nah, that's all you."
"Shhhh." I leaned his forehead into mine.
The sunlight bounced off of the necklace Beastboy gave me. My nose nuzzled against his. His heartbeat thrummed with mine, in a perfect harmony. I slid my arms around his body.
I soaked in this peaceful, healing, and loving moment. At one point I wasn't able to experience silence in its full form.
"You know what I'm learning from this, Rae?" Beastboy whispered, "Is that you can be vulnerable and powerful. The best people embody both sides."
"Yeah..." Our lips brushed slightly.
Beastboy leaned in a bit more and our lips made contact. We shared a fleeting, but authentic gesture. Beastboy tucked away my hair and beamed at me with damp eyes.
"How're you feelin'?"
"I'm afraid, but that doesn't mean I can't fight back."
I wiped the tears from our eyes, grabbed his hand, and went to battle.
hi, my lovess. thank you for reading haunted! i wrote this back in 2020, and it still means so much to me, i hope it has had a profound impact on you all. take care of yourselves, and thank you for taking the time to read my work.
