The smell of blood and smoke filled Patrick's nose and overwhelmed all his other senses. The bombing had happened very near to the military hospital this time and patients were flooding in quickly. Patrick didn't know what to do, there were so many bodies piled all around him, after standing for a moment in confusion suddenly his training took over. He shouted orders towards the nurses about sorting the patients by severity of their wounds. He reached for one young man and took his vitals, realizing he was already too late. He moved along down the row he was by, checking vitals and sorting, finding many more that he was too late to save.
The smell continued to get worse as he went from patient to patient for hours on end, it was making him dizzy and nauseous. When he reached his next patient and took their nonexistent vitals he looked into the young man's face but instead of a stranger he saw Timothy, whiter than the sheet he was laying on. Patrick shot back as far as he could across the hallway being used for the overflowing patients, bumping into a gurney holding another patient. When he turned around to apologize, instead of a soldier he saw Shelagh lying on the gurney. She was also deathly white and she had blood pouring out of a head wound and dripping onto the floor. He reached out, trying to put pressure on the wound, trying to save her like he couldn't save all the soldiers.
"No! No! Stay with me. NO!" He shouted.
Shelagh woke with a start at Patrick's shouting. He wasn't normally one to talk in his sleep but she could tell this wasn't a normal dream, it sounded more like a nightmare. The adoption agency interview this evening or their fight afterwards had most likely caused it. She turned on her bedside lamp, put on her glasses and sat up. He was still on his side facing away from her, very unlike their typical sleeping arrangements.
"Patrick, you are having a bad dream. Please wake up dear." Shelagh stated calmly as she rubbed his shoulder gently. She noticed he was drenched in a layer of sweat and tears were escaping down his cheeks. He didn't respond to Shelagh's words and continued to shout "no" as he cried. Worry etched across her face both for her husband and the thought of Timothy waking to the noise.
"Patrick!" She shouted as she shook him. He shot up at her raised voice. Upon seeing her he pulled her into a bone crushing hug, crying into her shoulder.
"Patrick, it was just a nightmare and it is over now." Shelagh said as she rubbed his back as he continued to cry.
"You don't have to tell me anything, but I'm here if you need to talk about it." Shelagh whispered.
"I can't." Patrick choked out through his tears. Shelagh's stomach dropped. Usually they were so open about everything but the shock of his stay at Northfield had proven that they weren't as honest as Shelagh had thought. If he couldn't talk about the nightmare then it was probably about the war. She had seen war neurosis in patients before and seen how it could affect families, usually negatively. She wondered if it had impacted Patrick's first marriage. They had always seemed happy when she had seen the Turner family together at events in Poplar. Had he been more honest with Marianne than with her? Had Marianne known but not pushed him about it? Or had she not known either? Patrick had quieted while her train of thought spiraled but he still held her close.
"That is alright. Everything is safe now and the war is over. I'm here and no matter what I love you Patrick." Shelagh stated as firmly as possible trying to drown out her own thoughts.
He didn't respond and continued to hold her, thinking how much she shouldn't love him because he was a failure. A failure as a doctor, a husband, and a father. He couldn't save his patients, he couldn't save his first wife, he couldn't be honest with Shelagh, he couldn't fix Shelagh from the effects of her TB, and he couldn't take care of Timothy without her. He started to cry softly again. Shelagh held Patrick and let him cry, smoothing down his hair and whispering "I love you" repeatedly until Patrick fell back asleep in her arms. Shelagh laid Patrick back down and got out of bed, she kneeled down and began to pray to God for her husband and her marriage.
