Chapter 22 – Surrounded by Hopelessness


Yuna's gaze focused solely on this mysterious man, the rest of her surroundings blurred into the background. The words he spoke made her unsure whether or not this was Shuyin or Tidus. The sound of his voice felt so similar, so familiar, that she could only stare at him.

Finally, she gathered the courage to speak. "Is that really you?"

Watching his lips move gracefully, he replied, "It is me, Shuyin. I've waited so long, Lenne."

Immediately Yuna turned around, feeling the disappointment of her hopes being quashed. On top of that, she became ever more confused as to why this man kept believing her to be Lenne. The woman from her dreams must have been real, Yuna thought. Whoever she was, Shuyin desired her immensely. A hint of jealousy trickled into her mind.

"But I'm not Lenne," she spoke, her tone soft.

He approached her slowly, swarms of pyreflies dancing around his legs. The soft, mellow sound of the waterfalls, as well as the fragrant smell of the flowers, added to the surreal environment. Even the anxiety of her situation couldn't obscure the beauty of her surroundings. She pressed her hand against her tightening chest.

"Lenne, we disappeared together, but when I awoke, I was alone. I looked for you for so long."

His voice grew louder and louder as he drew nearer to Yuna. She remained facing the opposite direction, too afraid to look back at him. Sadness began pouring from her heart. She had no idea why he triggered her emotions so intensely, but she believed he must have been the cause of it.

"While I wandered, I realized something," he said, his eyes fixated on nothing but Yuna. "Spira hasn't really changed at all. Everyone is still fighting over nothing and still dying like they used to."

Chills ran down her spine. His words held such anger and grievance, that it took all her will just to remain frozen. In her mind, she would do anything to lash out, and release herself of all the emotions bottled up from years of hardship and loneliness. Shuyin paused, his feet shuffling into the dirt, standing only a few feet from Yuna. His voice, as well as his stature, kept firm and stark. A pair of pyreflies flew in front of him, yet he was undaunted by them.

He continued his grave speech. "A thousand years have passed, and they can't leave the hatred behind."

Yuna could feel a heavy pressure building up inside her. Each word of his went against everything she hoped in. Every utterance chipped away at her very core. Little by little, it ate away at her. She still refused to face Shuyin, not wanting to incur the inevitable pain she would feel. The pressure grew ever more daunting, now pressing forcibly against her chest.

"I'm through waiting. I'll fix it," Shuyin continued, his words grimacing with harshness. "This world continues to fail us, and what's worse, I failed to protect you. Vegnagun will make that all go away."

He clenched his hand into a fist, centuries of rage gathering into his grasp. Sensing him so close, she looked down at the flowers below her. While his words should have been the antithesis of everything Yuna believed, she understood why he hurt. Was he wrong, she thought. Why should she have suffered so much to save people who wasted their salvation?

Shuyin continued to come closer, stopping behind Yuna. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. "And we'll fade again, together. Help me do it, Lenne."

His hand now reached to her shoulder, softly touching it. Yuna wanted to yell out not to touch her but said nothing. She tried to scream and run away, yet she remained still. Her muscles felt trapped like they were frozen in ice. No one had touched her like this since Tidus. The physical sensation felt wrong, yet somehow Yuna could feel his affection, his desire, course through her veins. Her heart starved for just a sliver of love and attention. After defeating Sin, she watched her friends and loved ones grow and flourish while she wilted.

Yuna continued to retreat deeper into her mind until Shuyin quickly spun her around, making her gasp. Before she knew what was happening, she felt wrapped in his arms. As he tightly held her, an appearance of total dismay covered Yuna's face. Pyreflies now soared out of her; her clothes glowed like a beacon in the night. All she could do was watch the pyreflies encircle them, while Shuyin held her.

"Whose feelings are these?" she questioned to herself, enthralled by the sudden burst of emotions so foreign to her, "Lenne's? Mine?"

Out of his arms, she came, yet still within his reach. He looked at her with joy and pleasure. For the first time, Yuna and Shuyin met eyes. Inside herself, she continued to feel a burst of overwhelming emotions, as if she was being pushed aside for someone else. Shuyin again embraced her lovingly. Yuna could not produce a response. She just leaned against him, bent to his will. The pyreflies fluttered around them, their crystal bodies protruding light upon them. Closing her eyes, Yuna gave in to all the emotion. She no longer could recall, or care, how long it had been since someone offered her love. Two years or a thousand years? At this moment, it no longer mattered. She wondered, would it be so wrong to surrender herself to this moment?

Then a sudden bright light flashed in her eyes. When the blinding light subsides, she found herself alone, sitting in the middle of the Farplane. Shuyin was gone, as well as the pyreflies that surrounded him. For a moment, she didn't know what to think. Then the emptiness returned, the emptiness she refused to acknowledge for the past two years. Yuna curled up and cried. A long, sorrowful stream of tears she sobbed, for what seemed like an eternity. Everything fell quiet now—all that sounded was the echo of herself crying like a child. Relieved and disgusted at the same time, she hated being alone. It exposed the millennia of pain, guilt, and sorrow caged up inside her. Her feelings inside were so erratic, wound up like a coiled spring, that she just wanted it all to end.

"Open your eyes!" a voice yelled, jolting her out of her stupor.

Released suddenly by Shuyin, Yuna now found herself back into her regular clothing. Shuyin, too, was no longer the same. Baralai now stood before her, a devilish look showing on his face. He moved closer to the edge of the Farplane. A swirling portal opened up in front of him.

"The end is not far now," he stated, diving into the portal he created.

Nooj and Gippal stood near Yuna as well. Nooj walked up to her. "Give this to Paine. It was all I was able to find."

In her hand, he placed a shiny orange sphere. Yuna looked puzzlingly at it, wondering what connection Paine had with Nooj. Gippal now came up to her with his sphere in hand.

"Giver her this one, too," he said, placing the sphere in her other hand.

"I don't understand, what are these?" she stuttered.

"Our wills," replied Nooj bluntly.

Gippal chuckled, putting his arm behind his head. "He's kidding. Just make sure Paine gets 'em, alright."

"How do you know her?"

"The four of us go way back."

"No, don't go!" shouted Yuna, not wanting to be alone.

Gippal yelled back, "It's under control!"

"Take care of things topside!" added Nooj.

With that, Nooj and Gippal left before Yuna could even move. In this foreign place, this surrealistic void, she stood alone. Completely awestruck by everything that had just transpired, she gazed around mindlessly for a moment. Then her tears came back to her. She realized that she was truly alone.

A bubble of anger formed in her mind. Tired of aimlessly searching for answers and only turning up more questions, she begged for a solution. Her pulse heightened, as boiling rage shot through her blood. For the first time in her life, she felt utterly helpless. Her pilgrimage to defeat Sin held much unknown, but she had a path. Tidus was a wildcard summoned from a dream world, yet he brought her a foundation. All that was gone. She didn't know how to feel, she didn't know where she was, and she didn't have anyone to help her. Yuna's heart sank in despair. Putting her hands to her eyes, she cried.

Slumping to the ground, she inhaled to bolt out a scream, but no sound came from her mouth. The air caught in her throat. For a while, she whimpered, sobbed, and moaned. Then footsteps coming near her attracted her attention. She looked up and saw a young child similar to the fayth that had helped her before. He smiled at her and knelt to look at her face.

"Do not weep, Lady Summoner," he spoke softly. "For I perhaps can deliver what you seek."

Rubbing the tear drops from her eyes, she focused on the little child. He was short, concealing himself in a thick black cloak lined with golden thread. His smile was as white as pearls. For a moment, all she did was stare at him.

Realizing her rudeness, she tried to speak with some coherence. "You can help me?"

"That I can. Because you've done such wonders for Spira, I will help you as your reward."

She continued to stare in awe at him. "You can really do that?"

He nodded, then continued to speak, "Meet me at the Moonflow, where the pyreflies still dance and sing. I will help you then."

The fayth skipped away as quickly as he came, saying no more on the subject. Yuna called out for him not to leave her, but it was too late. He vanished, leaving her again alone.

Bowing her head, she screamed, "I'm just angry! One thing after another, and I'm already confused to begin with. I'm all alone . . ."

The bellow of a whistle sounds out, breaking Yuna out of her outburst. Immediately she rose to her feet, frantically searching about, listening for the whistle to call again. Again it sounded. She raced in the direction she heard it from.

"Where are you?" she yelled to the open, calling to the only soul that would whistle to her.

A third whistle rang out, and Yuna caught a faint glimpse of a figure in the corner of her eye. Running as fast as she could, she chased after the figure, all the while stretching her arm out as far as it would go to reach it.

"Wait!" she shouted at the ghostly figure, wanting beyond all desire to hold him in her arms again.

The figure, who she believed to be Tidus with all her heart, whistled to her once more. Walking up an invisible staircase, he entered a bright light. Tears cascading down her cheeks, Yuna ran up to him, almost able to touch him. So close was she, she could recognize his gorgeous blue eyes beholding her. White light engulfed them, and everything changed in a flash.

Her body was now lying, curled up in the fetal position, on the large platform where Vegnagun had once been held. Somehow she ended up far beneath Bevelle once again. Her eyes twitched, and her limbs began to fidget. Wherever she had been, she was alive and back in Spira. A crackling sound reverberated in her ear.

"Come in Yuna. Yuna!" erupted Buddy's voice.

"Yuna, reporting in."

She heard the sound of her friends all cheering at once through the CommSphere. Buddy joyously acknowledged her and set sail for Bevelle at top speed. Looking around, Yuna curled up again, noticing that her only companions were the shadows cast over her. Only a few pyreflies flew around in the gigantic cavern. She sighed, feeling utterly numb. For the first time, she was tired—tired of all the confusion and pain surrounding her.

Her incomplete heart felt like glass, missing the necessary shard to make her whole. With every corner she turned, more troubles and suffering awaited her. For hours she lay on the cold, metal platform until Paine and Rikku descended into the depths of Bevelle.

"Yunie! There you are! Oh, I was so worried about you!" greeted Rikku, dashing at Yuna down the long hallway.

Paine ran up behind her. "Are you okay, Yuna? Are you hurt?"

Yuna shook her head but didn't turn to face them. She remained slumped on the ground, staring blankly at the floor. While she wanted to feel happy about seeing her friends again, she didn't care. She felt a tug on her arm, as Rikku attempted to lift her to her feet. Yuna didn't feel like moving, but then Rikku's huge smile persuaded her otherwise. Paine, too, stood smiling, glad to see her friend unharmed.

The three girls returned to their ship, where Brother, Buddy, and Shinra all greeted Yuna with open arms. Brother sneered at Buddy's comment on him not being able to go on without her. While she was grateful for their astounding concern, she didn't want to talk.

Shortly after arriving on the ship, she politely dismissed herself and trudged to the cabin. She thought Barkeep said hello to her, but paid no attention if he did, as she headed straight to bed. Plopping down, she covered herself up and roll on her side. The sky out the window greeted her eyes, painted with stripes of orange and pink, dotted with purplish wisps of clouds. The sun hung low in the sky, barely cresting over the horizon. With a quivering sigh, a lone tear ran down her cheek. She closed her eyes and hoped that she would dream. Perhaps she would have a dream to sort herself out, then Lenne wouldn't have to be lonely, too.

Her sleep was devoid of anything for once. When she awakened, the next morning's yellow dawn appeared out the window. Yuna sat up in bed, rubbing her hand across her face. Glancing out her window, she gazed at a lone bird flying alongside the Celsius. For a moment she wished she could fly with such freedom. Once the bird parted ways with the airship, she went to the bathroom to clean herself. The smell of Bevelle's musty machina reeked from her clothes. Starting up a warm bath, she slid into the tub, greeted by thousands of tiny bubbles. She rested her head against the side and closed her eyes. The low hum of the engines filled the room with a comforting blanket of white noise.

She thought back to Shuyin, and everything he said to her. Her face grew stern. She felt repulsed by his arrogant selfishness. His desire to destroy the world, just for some woman that died a thousand years ago, riled her. She wondered why he couldn't let it go. It was foolish to hold onto something so unobtainable. Then her eyes shot open, as she realized how similar Shuyin was to herself. While these thoughts had protruded into her mind during her encounter with him yesterday, she denied they were hers. It was Lenne's yearning she had convinced herself.

Now Yuna wasn't so sure. All Shuyin wanted was his love back, just as Yuna only wanted her love returned. She began to understand him. He wandered alone for a thousand years with such endless heartache. Yuna sympathized, feeling the same way for the past two years. She could only imagine how much anguish he had built up over the lonely eternity he went through.

How could she curse Shuyin when she felt the same as he did? She leered at the ceiling, her eyes glazed over from the many days of chaos. Guilt seeped into her thoughts. So many negative emotions conjured themselves when she thought of Lenne. Guilt, jealousy, anger—what did Lenne do to deserve this reaction from her? In her dreams, Lenne comforted her and encouraged her. Yuna realized Lenne shared the same feeling, just as Yuna shared in Lenne's feelings.

"I'm sorry, Lenne," Yuna whispered to herself. "You deserve to be loved."

She slid herself deeper into the tub, her tears mixing with the soapy water. A wave of shame covered her like a scratchy blanket.

"Yuna, please come on up to the bridge if you aren't still sleeping," Buddy's voice called over the CommSphere, startling Yuna.

She sighed, and got out of the tub, readying herself to see what this day would bring. The last thing she wanted to hear was more trouble. Even if it was about a sphere, she still couldn't have cared less. As she passed the bar, Barkeep pranced around, organizing his collection of fine Hypello beverages. She tapped on the counter.

"Hey, good morning. Can I get something to go?" she asked in a melancholy voice to him.

He nodded and complied. "Shure, Mish Yoona. What would yoo like?"

While she truly felt like downing a stiff drink, her sense of self-respect still functioned enough to dissuade her. A simple juice sufficed for her, and she picked up the glass he gave her, promising to return it after she finished. Barkeep waved goodbye as Yuna left the cabin and took the lift to the bridge. Paine, Buddy, and Brother were all standing together, awaiting her arrival. Yuna waved to them, trying her best to look a little cheery.

"Good morning, Yuna! I hope you are feeling better after your terrible encounter," Brother spouted, prancing up to Yuna.

She replied concisely, "Yes, thank you."

"So what happened down there? We saw you fall into the hole, and the next thing we knew, you were in Bevelle," Paine questioned sternly, truly puzzled by Yuna's teleportation act.

Yuna explained to them what had happened, leaving out the details of her emotional reaction. Shinra and Rikku joined shortly; they, too, wondered what had occurred. Although Yuna wasn't completely sure herself as to the circumstances, she told them about Gippal and Nooj, as well as Shuyin. Buddy went on to ask her more about Shuyin, and his connection with the summoner Lenne. Again, Yuna wasn't fully certain. What she did tell them was that Lenne was his lover, and he wanted to use Vegnagun to punish Spira for its sins. Everyone looked at each other in disdain. With the Calm as fragile as it was, they didn't want to see it crushed by a thousand-year-old ghost.

"So Gippal was okay?" Rikku asked intently, overtly showing her worry for him.

"Yeah, he was." Yuna nodded. "At least when he left, he was alright. Oh, before I forget, they gave me these two spheres. They said to give them to you Paine."

Paine took the orangish spheres from Yuna, and stared at them for a moment, saying nothing. She cracked a smile and nodded to Yuna. Although she didn't explain much about them, she said she would watch them soon at a more private time. Brother suggested a little rest and recreation before racing out to save Spira again. Several locales around Spira buzzed with sphere activity, such as Besaid, Mount Gagazet, and the Moonflow. Upon hearing Brother's mention of the Moonflow, Yuna perked up.

"I want to go to the Moonflow," she blurted out.

Paine scratched her head. "Why do you want to go there?"

Yuna's gaze fell to the floor. "Well because—"

"Great idea, Yunie! We can visit Tolbi!" cheered Rikku, interrupting Yuna.

"But that was my idea," complained Brother, feeling ignored.

"That little guy Tolbi works there? We can listen to the cool musicians he's got performing there. Nice thinking, Yuna!" Buddy smiled with glee.

So it was decided, to the Moonflow the Gullwings would go. Rikku fixed up a bunch of picnic baskets for everyone to take with them. Shinra planned to install one of his custom CommSpheres in the vicinity. Buddy and Shinra looked forward to the entertainment Tolbi always offered. Paine just hope she didn't have to sell any tickets this time. Yunakept her real purpose for traveling to the Moonflow a secret. She pondered to herself how the fayth would contact her. She could recognize him, that was for sure. It didn't matter to Yuna. As long as he could fulfill his promise, that was all she cared about. A bud of hope sprouted in her heart just thinking about Tidus in her arms once more. Then again, what would that be worth if Shuyin was able to execute his scheme?

"Ready to go, Yunie?" asked Rikku, shaking Yuna out of her stare.

"Huh? We're at Moonflow already?"

"Yeah, where are you at? We got here five minutes ago."

Yuna looked out the bridge windows. Lo and behold, the earthy tones of the Moonflow were in plain sight. She felt her resolve steel, realizing it was time for her to take action. She placed her arm around Rikku as the two left the ship. The sun shined dimly, mostly hiding behind the thick curtain of grey clouds which populated the sky.

"Lovely day. I hope it doesn't rain on us today," commented Paine, looking skeptically at the sky.

The Gullwings continued their plans for a wonderful day. Meeting up with Tolbi, they enjoyed his funky brand of entertainment. Although the girls, not to mention Brother, pleaded for Yuna to go up and perform a song, she kindly refused. All she wanted to do was lay in the grass and relax. She dozed off for a while, taking a quiet little nap under the overcast sky. Awakened by dripping water on her face, she opened her eyes, noticing that rain clouds swiftly moved overhead. She hopped up and looked around. It seemed everyone went their separate ways while she slept. Growling to herself for her companions leaving her behind, Yuna peered around for some shelter.

The rain began to drip harder, transitioning to a light shower. Not wanting to get soaked, Yuna ran into the nearby woods. Hustling down the path a few hundred feet, she heard a voice call out her name. As the rain increased, she looked to her around. Standing at the edge of the road beside her stood the fayth she encountered in the Farplane.

"Greetings, Lady Yuna. It is time."