This is 100% the fault of Ink Outside The Lines. Like maybe I technically asked for the "trick" on tumblr... but this was entirely her doing. This whole AU. I merely couldn't get it out of my head. Because reasons. And I am so sorry updates are spaced out so far, but honestly... I wasn't going to be able to focus until I got this out.
So please. Don't judge me for this Enchanted AU.
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"Just keep walking. Do not talk to the giant larpers," was not something Sutton ever imagined having to tell herself. And yet, there she was.
The city sidewalks were pooling with water as the rain continued to batter down for the second straight day. Sutton had wandered out purely for her doberman, Sprinkles', sake. She could only be cooped up for so long before Sutton started feeling pangs of guilt. So she'd leashed her dog up and grabbed her biggest umbrella and trekked out to the nearby dog park to let Sprinkles romp around and completely soak herself until Sutton's fingers became numb.
Her boots were squishing with every step and her nose was burning with cold. All she wanted to do was get back to her small apartment and make herself a warm cup of coffee after toweling off Sprinkles.
And yet.
Two towering men stood on the corner of the block dressed in what looked like a cross between medieval garb and something a Disney royal might wear. They were handsome, if not wet to the bone, with striking features and bright eyes. The darker haired man, dressed something like a knight, was even was carrying a sword and one of his arms was entirely covered in an odd chainmail. Sutton tightened her hold on Sprinkles' leash and continued onward, still debating with herself. The men appeared lost, if she could garner a guess, and were staring wide-eyed at the buildings and streets around them. The few people out and about in the weather were giving them an understandably wide berth. Sutton would have too, if she didn't have Sprinkles with her. But Sprinkles had almost taken a chunk out of a dude's leg once when he'd gotten too aggressively close, so she felt confident enough to stay on her current path.
She passed them and they didn't make any attempt to speak with her. At most they shot her brief appraising gazes before glancing uneasily around them once more. Sutton paused, tugging on Sprinkles' leash, and sighed. She straightened her spine and turned back around, taking the few steps back to approach them.
"Hey, are you lost?"
Their gazes shot down to her and Sutton peered up at them from under her umbrella. They both blinked at her a couple times before the one dressed like a knight let out a relieved sigh.
"Finally," he said. "Someone with a modicum of decorum."
The other man, a dirty blond, placed his hand on the knight's shoulder and smiled at her.
"We are, miss. Could you tell us where we are?"
Sutton lifted a brow. Huh. These guys were committed to their characters. She decided to humor them.
"Near Pike's Place," she said. The blond squinted and the knight scowled.
"What land is that," the knight asked. Sutton rolled her eyes.
"Seattle," she said flatly.
Once again she saw no flicker of recognition on their faces. She wondered just how much they'd had to drink or if this was purely some intense, artistic dedication to their craft. Instead of calling them out on their oddity, she waved her hand in a gesture to move things along.
"Where are you trying to get to? Maybe I can give you simple directions."
The blond perked up.
"We are trying to return to Andolasia," he said. "How far are we by horse, do you know?"
Sutton sighed internally and Sprinkles tugged on her leash as she attempted to move closer to sniff the blond stranger. Sutton pulled her back.
"Andel-what? Come on, guys, I need a real place. I can't help you if you don't help me."
"Andolasia," the knight said slowly. "We are the largest kingdom in the western lands."
"Just how much have you two had to drink?"
Both seemed aghast at that idea, and spoke over each other in defense of their sincerity. Sutton wasn't sure what to make of them. They both appeared to honestly believe what they were saying to her. That they were trying to get back to some imaginary kingdom. Both had obviously been out in the rain for a bit longer than what was probably recommended, and no location she tried to rattle off even gave a flicker of familiarity to their eyes.
Oh dear, Sutton thought to herself. I'm talking to crazy people. Two very attractive, crazy men. That's what threw me off.
Generally people to avoid were a bit more obvious. She'd lived in the city long enough to be able to spot them. Although she supposed the knight and prince get up should have been more of a hint than she'd taken it as.
Sutton shifted awkwardly clenching Sprinkles' leash once more to reassure herself of her grip on it.
"Well, unfortunately I've never heard of that place," she said, her voice a low, wary tone. "I'm sorry I couldn't have been more help."
The blond reached out a hand to stop her.
"Wait, miss, please. I have the feeling that we were cast farther away from our homeland than we feared. Do you know of any sorcerer who might be able to help us? Or an inn to stay at until someone comes for us."
The knight scoffed quietly.
"If," he mused. The blond shot him an irritated scowl.
Sutton tried to rub between her eyes, but she had an umbrella in one hand and a curious dog in the other. Sprinkles was panting happily up at the blond guy now and silently snapping her mouth shut like she did when she wanted attention. Sutton frowned.
"I've never met a sorcerer," she hedged. "But there are hotels down this block. Or shelters if you don't have money."
"We have a bit," the knight said. He reached into a small leather pouch at his side and pulled out a few shining, golden coins. Sutton blinked.
"What are those?"
"Gold pieces, obviously," the knight said.
"Real gold," asked Sutton. "Like mined from rock and melted down, gold?"
The blond lifted a brow in amusement.
"Yes."
"Hotels won't accept that," she said. "That's not standard currency."
She felt a bit guilty, watching the hope drain out of their eyes once more as the rain continued to pelt them. Their hair was pressed slick against their scalps and their clothes were dark with water and looked heavy. Sutton gnawed on her lower lip and debated internally.
Hotels wouldn't accept gold pieces, but she could. She could trade those for cash and use it for groceries and rent. Money had been stretched thin lately and even a few hundred dollars would be an immense relief. Her eyes trailed after the knight's hand as he tucked the gold pieces back in their pouch. Those looked heavy enough to trade for more than a few hundred.
Sprinkles tried to lick the blond's hand and the words burst from her mouth before she had a chance to overthink them.
"Hotels might not accept those, but I will."
The men were silent in surprise and Sutton nodded at the knight's pouch.
"I have a guest room," she said. "And if you guys aren't serial killers and just need a place for a day or two, I'll do it for a couple of those coins."
Oddly enough, the men agreed. A twinge of doubt shot through Sutton, that ever present voice of reason that screamed,
"Are you MAD? Did your mother teach you nothing? You are going to die horribly, congratulations."
Was letting potentially dangerous strangers into her home really worth a few thousand dollars?
She nodded her head and gestured for them to follow her.
"Alright, Arthur and Lancelot, let's go."
Apparently it was.
They trudged behind her, sounding soggy and squeaking in their boots.
"My name is actually Steven Rogers, Prince of Adolasia," the blond said. "And this is my most loyal knight, Sir James Barnes."
Sutton looked over her shoulder and shot them a polite smile.
"I'm Sutton," she said, purposefully not giving her last name. "Lady of apartment 16E."
They dipped at the waist in a polite bow, despite continuing to walk, and Sutton sighed as she eyed their odd clothes.
"Do you guys have anything to change into," she asked.
They did not.
She tried to mentally tally how much was in her account before recalling the sweet promise of those gold coins. "Let's stop first then," she said. "You can't stay in those. I don't want you soaking my couch."
She led them into a thrift store that she knew was pet friendly and told them to pick a few things. Steven and James hesitated, casting uncertain looks at the musty smelling clothes racks. Sutton closed her eyes and forced herself to take a calming breath.
"Do you guys need help?" Steven smiled sheepishly.
It took them longer to pick out two outfits and some lounge clothes than it should have. The men were incredibly picky, complaining about the fabric quality and the style and the smell. They made unusual implications that this world was the weird one. Sutton refrained from asking any probing questions. She reminded herself continuously of the money those gold coins would get her.
James carried all the bags with the purchases she'd made, having thrown in some toiletries for them as well. She was feeling charitable. Sutton led them back out into the rain for hopefully the last time and to the building her apartment was in. Her place was on the fifth floor and she had to coax the men into the elevator after they balked about cramming into a "small pointless room". It blew their minds when the elevator started moving. Sutton eyed James' grip on his sword warily and prayed that the elevator not break down this trip.
Luckily they made it to her floor without any complications and Sutton walked down the hall passed 15 doors until her own was finally in view. She let out a relieved hum as she unlocked her door. After being outside for so long her apartment felt warmer than it actually was. She stepped inside and eyed the two men before nodding.
"Well, come on in."
They stepped in gingerly, eying her apartment like they'd never seen anything like it before. She knew it was a little messy, but she hadn't exactly been expecting guests anytime soon either.
Sutton dropped her purse on her small dining table and unclipped Sprinkles' leash.
"Wipe 'em," she said. The men looked as though they might've thought that command was for them, but Sprinkles trotted over to a towel Sutton had previously laid by the door and shook her fur out. Sutton followed her dog over and used the towel to rub her down fully. Sprinkles perked up in the warmth and made a point of resting her chin on Sutton's shoulder so that she could watch the new visitors while being dried off.
"The bathroom is down the hall, first door on the right," Sutton said. "There should be clean towels under the sink, if you guys want to get cleaned up. Let me know if you need help adjusting the shower temp. It gets finicky sometimes."
"Thank you, Lady Sutton," Steven said with a dip of his head. "You are most gracious." The knight mimicked the head movement in agreement. Sutton snorted to herself.
"Just Sutton is fine, thank you. And as long as you keep that sword away from me, we're cool." James snapped up straight in surprise and his face reddened.
"Of course," he said. "My apologies, I wasn't thinking."
Sutton watched in curiosity as he unbuckled the sheath his sword rested in and then awkwardly attempted to hang it on her coat rack by the door. She bit her bottom lip to hide a smile.
"Right," she said. "No harm done."
The men headed for the bathroom then and Sprinkles trotted happily after them while Sutton moved the short distance to her kitchen. She frowned at her dog's behavior. Usually Sprinkles wasn't so easy around new people. Especially men. Sutton didn't know if she ought to take that as a reassurance or be a little put out about it.
Instead of dwelling on that or the fact that she'd just brazenly let two adult male strangers with delusions about being from some far off kingdom into her home, she set about making something to eat. They could probably use something warm after standing out in the rain for who knows how long, and given that they hardly seemed to know how to function in society in general, she doubted they'd managed to get fast food.
She pulled out the family size frozen lasagna she'd bought on sale from her freezer and popped it into the oven, then set about making a pot of coffee to tie them over until it was done.
The sound of fumbling came from down the hall; she could hear the spray of water start and then one of them screamed and there was a crashing. Sutton pressed her eyes closed and was about to move to see the damage that was done when a subsequent, "AHA!" was shouted.
She'd find out later. It was too risky to go check on them at the moment. For all she knew, doors could befuddle them and she see things she'd rather not.
The lasagna was already halfway done by the time both men emerged, showered and dressed in their jeans and sweaters. James hadn't removed the chainmail from his left arm, she could see the metal hand popping out of the sweater sleeve. It struck her as odd to leave on. If anything could still qualify as odd at this point. Sutton merely sipped at her coffee and nodded at the pot as they entered the kitchen.
"There's coffee, if you drink it. It's a bitter bean steeped in water and sweetened with cream, if you like it that way."
James' lips tugged to the side and his brow furrowed.
"We are well aware of coffee," he said. Sutton smirked behind her mug.
"Just making sure."
Steven almost looked amused by her comment as he sat at the table. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled.
"I believe I will take a cup," he said. When he didn't make a move, Sutton raised a brow and tilted her head towards the counter.
"Great," she said. "Mugs are right there. Help yourself."
Steven blinked twice and hesitantly stood.
"Of course," he said. "Er, thank you."
James let out a snicker and Sutton felt like she'd missed out on some private joke.
She took a final drink from her mug and put it on the counter near the stove. Nodding politely at the two of them she then excused herself briefly to change.
And maybe she wanted to see what they'd do or talk about when left alone for a moment.
She quickly slipped into a pair of sweats and a tee and then silently slid back out into the hallway, hugging the wall, and breathed quietly through her mouth.
There was quiet shuffling and then a scooting chair. Sprinkles whined in the kitchen and stopped shortly. Sutton's frown deepend. Way for her dog to flipping side with her and show an ounce of caution.
One of them cleared their throats.
"What do you think?" It was Steven's voice. There was a stretch of silence and then James' voice answered.
"I think that Loki has outdone himself with this one. I am sorry, my friend, I should have been more vigilant-"
"No, it isn't your fault. We were all caught off guard. I suppose we can only hope that Tony is able to create a counter spell." There was a false laugh and then Steven spoke again.
"Don't mock; he enchanted your arm, after all."
"It's an arm, Steve. Not an entire world."
Ok, so perhaps they actually believed their whole spiel about being from a kingdom. And they were serious about magic and sorcerers? Sutton straightened and felt another uneasy twinge.
Just what had she gotten herself into?
A bit too late for that now.
Sutton cleared her throat in the hallway and casually strolled back into the kitchen just as the oven timer was going off. She shot the men a tight smile and grabbed her oven mitts to pull the lasagna out. The cheese was bubbling on top and looking a bit crispy around the edges just how she liked it. Sprinkles came over and bumped against her legs as she sat the pan down on the stove to cool a second as she grabbed plates.
"Oh," she said, "now you're my friend." The spots above Sprinkles eyes that looked like little eyebrows ticked up and she let out a short whine as Sutton rolled her eyes. "Nice to see just how deep your loyalty really goes."
There was low chuckling at the table and Sutton snapped her teeth together behind closed lips as she remembered she was being watched. She was so used to it being her and Sprinkles alone. Oh gosh, she'd have to watch how often she talked to her dog now. Lest the crazy people think her crazy.
She cleared her throat again and gauged how large to cut each chunk of lasagna. Her eyes darted over to Steven and James, briefly assessing their size and the widths of their chests. She made the pieces a bit bigger.
"Ok, well, that's dinner," she said to break the silence. "Sorry it isn't homemade, but I didn't exactly have time to plan something."
Sutton placed a plate before each of the men and passed them utensils before grabbing her own portion. She eased passed Steven to get to a chair while making a clicking noise with her tongue to encourage Sprinkles to follow her. Sprinkles more than willingly loped after her and sat between her and Steven with her eyes darting between each of their plates.
Sutton glared at her dog again.
It was quiet as they ate, the sound of utensils clicking and scraping loud. Sutton wasn't quite sure what to do from this point on. How exactly did you interact with strangers who believed themselves princes and knights? Although they seemed decent enough. Neither of them had made aggressive moves, and they'd both tried to use the paper napkins on her table to drape over their laps. Like her small kitchen was a fine dining experience.
What kind of psychotic killers used such fine table manners? Well, besides Hannibal, probably. But she wanted to give these guys the benefit of the doubt on the whole cannibal thing.
Really, really wanted to.
"It was delicious," James said politely as he finished off his plate. He'd devoured the pasta even faster than Steven. Sutton waved towards the counter with her fork.
"You can have seconds if you like. Feel free to serve yourself. And it's really nothing special. If I'd known I was going to feed princes and knights, maybe I'd have picked up some mutton and mead," she mused to herself. A wry smirk curled up her face as she took another bite.
"This was quite fine," Steven said. "No need to go out of your way. We are, after all, imposing upon you."
Ribbing comment: missed.
Sutton left a bite or two of lasagna on her plate and stood up.
"Glad you liked it," she said. Clicking her tongue again, she jerked her head for Sprinkles to follow. "Come on," she said. "Let's get breakfast."
Sprinkles perked up at the word she recognized, jumping to her feet, and she followed Sutton closely as Sutton picked up her food bowl. Her whole rear end was wiggling side to side as she pranced on her front paws and avidly watched Sutton scrape the few nibbles of pasta into her bowl. Then Sutton walked over and dumped a few scoops of kibble on top and put it on Sprinkles' eating mat.
"Ok," Sutton said and Sprinkles rushed over to start working her way through the kibble to the treat on the bottom.
"She's well trained," Steven remarked, watching as Sprinkles chomped noisily on her dinner. Sutton let out a light laugh.
"She has to be, she's too big to behave badly. Besides, what's the point of a guard dog if it doesn't listen?"
At that James' raised a doubtful brow.
"Oddly friendly for a guard dog."
Sutton stiffened slightly and silently agreed about her dog's traitorous attitude so far.
"Yeah, well, she almost bit off a drunk guy's leg last year. She's fierce when she needs to be." Perhaps there was a subtle warning in her story, one that James seemed to actually pick up on if the amused gleam in his eye was any indication.
"I don't think we'll test her on that," Steven said. Sutton felt some tension ease from her shoulders as she poured herself another cup of coffee. She didn't exactly trust them, but the words soothed her nonetheless.
A few awkward seconds ticked by, Sutton swore she could hear the clock in the next room with each click of the second hand. She tapped a finger on the rim of her mug and chewed on the inside of her mouth.
"So, Steven," she said. James held up a finger.
"Prince Steven," he corrected. Steven waved him off and shot her a charming smile.
"Just Steve is alright," he said. Sutton nodded in acceptance, glad that he wasn't insisting on silly titles.
"And Sir James," she inquired, a lilting tease in her tone. James huffed and hunched his shoulders.
"You can just call me Bucky." She grinned widely despite having no idea where that name came from.
"Wonderful, so which one of you is taking the couch? The guest room only has a twin and I really don't think you guys want to share that. Actually, I don't even know if that's possible."
Bucky flicked a few fingers in the air. The ones still covered in chainmail.
"I'll sleep on the couch," he offered. "I'm sure I've slept on worse during the war."
"Thanks," drolled Sutton.
Steve shot him some side-eye.
"I was there as well, if I remember correctly."
"Yes," said Bucky, "but now we are not being dictated by need."
Sutton rubbed at her temple and noted how oddly normal they spoke to each other despite their delusion. Sure they used unusual speech and spoke about nonexistent lands, but strip that away and they seemed relatively stable.
"And what war was that," she asked out of pure curiosity. "The Great Ogre War?"
Steve face scrunched in confusion.
"No," he said shortly. "The war against the Frost Giants." Sutton nodded sagely.
"Ah, that was my second guess."
They both eyed her in mildly scrutinizing ways, Sutton shifted and Steve smiled thinly in a sort of self-depreciating way.
"You don't believe us at all, do you."
Sutton pushed herself off the counter in surprise and winced. She knew that it usually wasn't recommended to antagonize crazy people about their false beliefs. Especially if they believed them as thoroughly as these two seemed to. Instead of outright denying it, she gave him a grimace of a smile and shrugged.
"Just never heard of any of this stuff, I guess," she said.
"Does this land have no magic at all," Bucky asked. Sutton laughed sharply.
"If magic existed I'd be the first person to believe in it, trust me."
The looks they cast on her almost looked like pity. Sutton shifted uncomfortably once again, unsure how to feel about being pitied by actual crazy people. Sprinkles derailed her train of thought by pushing passed her and heading over to sit in front of Steve. She pawed at his leg until he obligingly reached down to pet her between the ears.
Sutton tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and shook her head.
"Anyway, I'll just go get some sheets and blankets for the couch."
She didn't mention also planning to look for something loud to hang on the front door in case they planned on leaving during the night with all her valuables.
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Feel free to let me know what you think! :)
