Now that he'd established a little more trust, Sheppard had allowed McKay to roam more freely without supervision. He had taken to wandering around on the North pier most often. It was a little more shaded and private. He had tried to enter his old quarters, only to be disappointed that the space felt too cramped and unappealing now.
The mess hall beckoned to him with its swirling delicious smells, but his fear of being seen by people prevented him from going there. So far, he'd been provided raw meat, which was delivered twice daily to an isolated room in the North pier. Raw meat normally would have disgusted him, but now seemed incredibly delicious.
Bathroom matters were a trickier story. He was essentially on a floating island full of exposed areas, but he felt a natural instinct to hide in a forest. Whether that was a part of his new neurology, or his own preference, he didn't know. At first, he'd held out hope that he could be transformed back before it became an issue, but there was no such luck.
Using his knowledge of the city's layout, he found an area on the lower levels that served as a kind of shallow tide pool. It had once been used for launching boats, but no one used it now—except for him. It wasn't a very nice solution, but it worked to keep everything sanitary for the time being.
McKay rested under an overhang, shaded from the sun. He'd brought a stereo from his room, carrying it in his mouth to try to listen to music, but he sadly didn't have the dexterity to operate it by himself, and so it sat there silently. Probably just as well since his hearing seemed to be more sensitive.
Truthfully, it was getting harder to hold out hope that he could be transformed back. Sheppard was away on a mission to bring the DNA alteration device back with him, but he didn't know if that would even work. Assuming they got the device, there were a million and one different things that could prevent it from turning him back to normal. The first of which was the re-programming that he'd done to it in the first place. He wasn't sure that Zelenka or the others had the knowledge to restore it correctly. It really needed to be him working on this, and sadly, he couldn't.
So much about him had changed. Not just his physical appearance, but his mind. He had a hard time recognizing writing now. He'd tried to scratch out letters in the dust, but he couldn't form them properly. His brain simply wouldn't recognize the shapes as letters.
It made him anxious, that he was losing his abilities. His mind was his most valued asset, and if that had become compromised, what good was he? More importantly, who was he? Was he Rodney McKay, or just some dumb creature with a few of Rodney's memories?
He tried reciting things, numbers like pi or Plank's constant. He tried to visualize Maxwell's equations in his mind, but that's where he met a roadblock, as he couldn't seem to do that anymore.
It greatly distressed him to know that he was already forgetting foundational knowledge, things that he held in great importance.
Names. Did he remember names? He recited the names of his parents, his sister, her husband, and their daughter. That seemed to still be there.
His senses picked up on a new scent nearby—wraith—female.
He turned around and saw Aceso approaching him, slowly and cautiously. She seemed apprehensive and scared.
"Doctor McKay?" she called out. "May I visit?"
Rodney stood up and turned toward her, causing her to stop dead in her tracks. Rodney nodded emphatically that yes, it was okay for her to visit.
"Yes," Rodney typed out in Morse code through the pressure pad attached to his foot and wired to his collar. The harsh robotic voice had begun to get on his nerves, but he didn't have any other way to speak.
She approached a little closer. "Did you want to see me?"
"Yes," he said again. "I am sorry." The limitations of his communication made this hard to get across, but he really felt like a huge jerk. He'd been under a lot of pressure, but that was no excuse for what he said to her. Now that he had all the time in the world to sit and reflect, he became aware of the way others saw him. The solitude was like a mirror, and he didn't like the reflection looking back at him.
"I was wrong," Rodney said further. "Can you forgive me?"
Aceso stood with her hands clasped together, clearly thinking about what to say. "That is ironic, because I came to say the same thing."
Rodney cocked his head to the side, surprised at this new revelation. What did she have to be sorry about?
"It was my decision that led to you becoming like this. I was irresponsible, and you paid for it."
"In the past," Rodney said. Really, he had hardly considered her as being at fault for any of this. It seemed like it was mostly Michael who was responsible.
"I believe then that I can forgive you too," Aceso said. She smiled a little, "Provided that you stop acting like such a monster."
Rodney understood the pun. "Not funny."
Aceso continued smirking. "It is a little funny," she said teasingly. "In any case, Sheppard is returning now with the device. I believe you should be back to normal in due course."
Rodney bowed his head slightly. "Thank you."
"Hang on Rodney," she said encouragingly. "It's going to be okay."
(0)
Sheppard didn't like these sorts of diplomatic visits. Being a military man who specialized in combat made him favor more direct solutions to problems.
No one seemed to agree on if the name of the village by the stargate was Eritas, or if that that was the name of the planet. Either way, Sheppard found diplomacy tedious and exhausting.
"Probe indicates the area is clear," the gate tech said.
"Let's go," Sheppard said to his team. Sheppard, Teyla, and Ronon set out on foot, one second in the Atlantis gate room, the next second back on the planet they'd left only the previous day. Thankfully the fog had lifted, revealing bright, blue sunny skies. The village which had previously seemed creepy and abandoned now looked wonderful and vibrant. Many wildflowers grew on the roadside, and the houses were painted vibrant colors.
"It's a lot nicer now," Sheppard commented.
"It helps that there's people in the village now," Ronon said. People, including children walked along the streets and milled about their business.
"Where did Jarin say to go?" Teyla asked.
"He said go to the town's courthouse," Sheppard said, repeating what he'd been told the previous day. Sheppard knew that he'd have to come back to search for the DNA alteration device, and so had taken a moment to ask for permission to come back with a team to search for it. Jarin, who apparently was fairly influential in this village, had invited him to come back.
"That's usually a prominent building," Ronon said, pointing ahead of them. They saw that one of the buildings was made of stone instead of wood, and was a little larger than the others.
"That has to be it," Sheppard said, walking up to the steps and pushing the large wooden doors open.
As expected, they entered a large hall with amphitheater style seating. At one end of the hall, a group of five, both men and women sat raised on a bench. One of them was Jarin. "You have decided to come," Jarin said in surprise.
"We are true to our word," Teyla said.
"Thanks for agreeing to see us," Sheppard said. "I realize that this wasn't easy for you."
"More than you know," Jarin said. "Our Genii allies provided much protest when we said we would agree to meet with you."
Sheppard knew better than to press that issue. "The reason we're here is that there's still a piece of Ancient technology in that cave system that we need to retrieve."
"The device you are referring to has been retrieved already, and is in the possession of this court."
"I see," Sheppard said. He felt that he wouldn't like where this was going.
"None of our people have the expertise to even begin to understand what it does," Jarin continued. "The only thing we are sure of is that it's dangerous, and that some may seek it out to cause destruction."
"It is quite dangerous," Teyla said. "That is what was used to create those beasts which terrorized your village."
"Yes, we are aware of how it was used. The individual whom you called Michael is responsible for several deaths," Jarin explained.
"That leads me to an important issue," Jarin said. "You—the Atlanteans have been accused of working with the wraith by the Genii and others."
Sheppard shrugged slightly. "I explained before that we do work with the wraith on occasion when the end goal is something positive for the galaxy. In this case, they helped us capture someone very dangerous."
"That cooperation with the wraith is one of the reasons this world has refused to align with you."
He bit his lip nervously. "You didn't ask us to come here just to tell us that a second time, did you?"
"You denied working with the wraith the first time," Jarin said.
Sheppard glanced around nervously. "We know how that sounds. We're not ignorant. It's just that line is often used out of context to make us sound worse than we are. We're not wraith worshippers who accept gifts in return for spying. Our leadership has very limited cooperation with certain wraith individuals who have shown a tendency toward being—sympathetic to humans. Through that cooperation, we have achieved goals that improve life for everyone in the galaxy."
Jarin looked between the justices on the court, whispering something to the one next to him. Sheppard waited patiently.
"I spoke with the wraith woman known as Aceso at length during our imprisonment together. I learned things about you, and about the wraith which I hadn't known before. Frankly, I am beginning to understand why you chose to ally with individuals like her."
"I consider her my friend," Teyla said.
"Indeed," Jarin said. "I have never before conceived that a wraith could help me in such a dire situation, or act so selflessly in the face of terrible danger to save my life."
"We pick our friends and allies carefully," Sheppard said.
"You have chosen well," Jarin continued. "You yourself showed great altruism by rescuing my people. These are not the actions of a duplicitous enemy, but of an ally. In light of this new knowledge, I feel it would be unjust to continue to ignore the Atlanteans. I believe that we should reconsider the establishment of relations between our worlds."
Sheppard raised his brow in surprise. "Well good," he said lightheartedly. "In light of that, would you be willing to give us the device?"
"Why should we hand over a device of such power to you?" Jarin asked.
Sheppard sighed in exasperation. "Because it's safer with us."
Those on the court seemed unmoved.
Just then, Teyla stepped forward. "Because our friends are in desperate need of it."
Sheppard looked to her.
"Explain," Jarin said.
"Our friend Rodney is stuck living as one of those creatures. That device can transform him back into a human."
"And Aceso," Sheppard interjected. "The reason she doesn't have to feed is because of that device."
"Intriguing," Jarin said. "Perhaps to ensure the device is safe, we should leave it with those—more capable of understanding its power." Jarin said with a stilted pause. "But first you must be willing to formalize relations with a treaty. One that recognizes our sovereignty, and our right to continue relations with the Genii as we choose."
Sheppard felt a knot form in his stomach. This sounded like a job for Woolsey.
"I can return with our representatives," Sheppard said. "If you'll just allow me to…"
"We will only speak with you," Jarin said. "It is you who has proven trustworthy among your people."
Sheppard sighed. It looked like he had to do this himself.
It was going to be a long day.
(0)
Sheppard stood outside of the holding cell, looking in at Beckett—or Michael as he now referred to himself. Michael stared back with contempt and superiority. It was as if he wanted to pretend that this was all part of his plan.
But it couldn't be. There was no way that Michael could get out of here, let alone hurt anyone while he was in this cell.
Still, his eyes conveyed something that gave Sheppard an uneasy feeling.
Sheppard stepped closer to the bars, his face nearly touching the forcefield.
"What were you planning to do?" Sheppard asked.
Michael stood still and smirked. "What I always do Colonel Sheppard," he snarked. "Create an army loyal to me."
"Right," Sheppard said. "Well, we found some wraith equipment in that cave. We're going over it now, but most of it seemed like it was broken."
"An unfortunate result of the passage of time I'm afraid," Michael said. "My absence has been unkind to my bases of operation."
Sheppard regarded Michael a little closer. He could just see the cracks in his façade, letting him know how vulnerable Michael really felt.
"We're going to get you out of Beckett," Sheppard said.
Michael laughed. "You do not possess the means to do that."
"No?" Sheppard goaded. "What would we need?"
Michael turned away. "The technology to imprint my mind on Beckett has long since been destroyed. Nothing could compel me to make another one for you or explain how it works, even if that were possible."
Sheppard stood there, conveying adamance. "We'll find a way. Don't forget, we have the city of the Ancients at our disposal. There's something here that can help us."
At that, Michael's face betrayed a little fear, but he remained turned away.
Sheppard walked out of the holding room into the hallway. He paused as an idea floated across his mind. Todd had shown a familiarity with the process of imprinting a mind. He might be able to provide some help. Sheppard grimaced at the thought of asking Todd for more help, but give it a few more days, and he might just become that desperate for a solution. The only question was how long was he comfortable waiting?
He looked back to the cage, where Michael now sat down in the corner. Sheppard didn't want to keep Beckett locked up forever—he didn't deserve that.
(0)
"Aceso! Catch it!" Nyx said.
She tried earnestly to catch the ball, but it rolled down the hill, over the ledge and into the swift creek below. She skidded to a stop and leaned against a tree, watching the ball float downstream.
"You idiot!" Nyx accused. She felt his ire and disappointment, and it hurt her terribly. She couldn't block it out. Curling up in a ball, she held her head.
"Stop it!" Alta said. "That wasn't her fault."
"I don't want to spend time playing games with her if she can't stop losing things."
Alta approached Nyx. Alta was tall for her age, almost as tall as Nyx. "Aceso is the youngest of us. Treat her kindly."
Nyx stormed off without a word.
Alta went to where Aceso knelt, frozen on the spot, unsure what to do.
Aceso considered running after the ball, but it had already gone out of sight. She just wanted to make the others happy.
"Don't worry about him," Alta said. "He'll forget about it in a little while."
"Why does it hurt?" she asked.
"What hurts?"
"The anger," she said softly, her throat constricting from her emotions.
Alta knelt beside her and sighed. "You're different," Alta said. "You're a queen. Do you know what that means?"
"Mother said that I would lead a hive someday."
Alta rubbed her back soothingly. "It also means that you can feel more strongly what the others feel, whether that's sad, or happy or angry."
"What can I do?" Aceso asked.
Alta couldn't answer. "Only our mother can help you learn how to handle these abilities."
Alta reached out her hand. "Come on, we should speak to her."
Aceso hadn't remembered that incident for a long time. Such memories seldom came except in dreams, or when reminded. She didn't like to remember those times, not because they were sad, but because they were of a happier, simpler time. Sometimes waking up to her life now felt cruel.
"You go get it!" the girl shouted to her friend. "Why should I?" The two Athosians argued with each other about who should get the ball which had fallen in the pond and had floated away from shore. Aceso worked on hanging her laundry to dry after washing. It was a bright, breezy day, which meant chores had to be done.
Even among her own family, she was the 'different' one. She could never act the same as the others, and was always too sensitive to emotions and thoughts. She quickly learned to detect deception, since her siblings would try to play jokes on each other, but their tricks never worked on her because she felt the deception before it happened. Even so, a little conflict would send her fleeing from a scene to hide alone.
This made her distant. They couldn't understand her, but she knew their thoughts and feelings intimately. It wasn't until she was older that she learned to control her abilities and shut off the flow of outside thoughts, but by then it was too late.
The fate of a wraith queen was to be set apart from the others. She was destined to be a leader of a hive—or at least she was at one time. That no longer was true. Now she was nothing, just an alien stuck in the void between two cultures.
The boy walked away, leaving just the girl standing there by the water's edge. Aceso recognized the girl. She'd seen her around the village many times, even joined in a few games which involved her. She just couldn't remember her name; perhaps she had never learned it.
Seeing an opportunity to help, Aceso stood and walked out to the pond, wading in past her knees and retrieving the ball. She didn't mind getting her dress wet, and the cool water felt nice.
She handed the ball off to the girl, who accepted it meekly. "Thank you," she said quietly.
"You're welcome," Aceso smiled.
The girl's focus drifted to her hair. "Can you show me how you do your braids?" She referred to her single rope braid which she tied behind her head. Aceso had tried a different pattern today, one which she had not used in a very long time.
Aceso smiled warmly. "Of course, let's find a place to sit."
"I know the perfect place." The girl waved for her to follow, and she led her into one of the encampments by the water, straight to the central gathering area where large tree trunks formed places to sit. The girl sat down on the log.
She proceeded to take the girl's blond hair and form it into a braid exactly like hers.
"What's your name?" Aceso asked.
"Eleraina," the girl said.
"Eleraina," she repeated. "I'm Aceso."
"I know," the girl said. "Everyone knows your name by now."
One woman walked by, scowling at her. As she turned, the woman muttered something which Aceso heard perfectly. "I can't believe they're letting it near their children."
Aceso immediately felt unwelcome, and she paused her braiding work.
"Don't let her bother you," the girl said. "Only a few people still complain about you, and she's one of them."
She feigned ignorance, continuing to tie. "People complain about me?" she asked with mock surprise. She knew perfectly well that it was a common sentiment. "What do they say?"
"That we shouldn't trust a wraith, and that you're probably going to feed on one of us eventually or tell other wraith where to find us."
Aceso chuckled. "Is that all? I was worried they might say something truly hurtful."
Eleraina giggled. "Yeah, but I don't believe any of it. I can tell you'd never hurt anyone."
"I care a lot about the Athosians," Aceso said.
The girl became silent, and her mind emanated a sort of nervousness combined with curiosity. It was a common reaction among children. What wasn't common was an undercurrent of sympathy. Eleraina seemed to feel bad for her for some reason.
"Why are you so different?" Eleraina asked. "How could other wraith be so—evil, but you're so kind?"
That was a difficult question. She didn't consider her people evil, however they were locked into a way of life that punished all tendencies toward conscientiousness and kindness. She wouldn't outright condemn her people, but neither could she be with them. She felt like a bridge between two cultures sometimes. She existed neither in one realm nor the other.
"Many wraith don't inherently like to inflict suffering on people, but kindness is discouraged."
Eleraina turned to look at her, jostling her hair out of her hands. "Why don't they want to be kind?"
"They see it as weakness." She gestured vaguely to herself. "We are all partly human. We still feel many of the same emotions that you do. I think that it is a refusal to acknowledge that human part of us that makes the wraith so brutal."
Her eyes glazed over as she cast her thoughts into her memory. "There is a large part of our history before the Lantean war where things weren't so bad. My family and hive were among the last who observed the old ways, before strength and brutality became the only values the wraith possessed."
She knew that part of their survival as a species depended on that brutality and strength. The Lantean war only accentuated the need for that mentality, but she couldn't help but mourn the loss of many important parts of their culture. Her family saw the act of changing themselves so that they didn't have to feed as a way to become stronger.
"Some of the villagers don't understand," Eleraina said. "The people who talk badly of you all the time—I wonder if they know what you went through?"
"What do you know of that?" Aceso asked quietly. It made her a little uncomfortable sometimes to talk about it.
"I heard a little," Eleraina said. "I saw how many candles you lit at the remembrance ceremony. I'm sorry."
Aceso smiled gratefully. "You can't change everyone's mind. It's okay for people to not like you." She looked through the encampment. "I won't hide away anymore, no matter what others may say about me."
"I hope you don't have to hide anymore. Actually, I kind of like having you here."
"Do you?" Aceso asked, surprised.
The girl's eyes focused on Aceso's hands as they grasped her long hair. She looked at her right palm in particular and seemed distracted by it.
"Can I see your hand?" the girl asked.
Aceso paused. "Why?"
"Sorry," the girl said. "If it's not polite, I understand."
"No, you've done nothing wrong," Aceso said holding out her palm tentatively. "It's not rude, at least not in my culture. I just didn't expect any human to want to see this."
The girl took her palm, tracing the outlines of the retracted sharp spines and the slit that concealed the tendrils which were meant to carry away energy from a host body.
"I've seen the marks this makes," Eleraina said.
Aceso took her hand back in surprise. "Where?"
If true, that meant this girl had seen the victims of feeding.
Eleraina turned away again. "When our village was culled around six years ago, I remember seeing them. They all had marks like that on their bodies. My mother was taken in that attack."
Aceso's heart broke for this girl. "I'm sorry." She couldn't hold her emotions in as her eyes clouded.
Eleraina took her partially completed braid. "I don't think I've learned this enough to do it myself."
Aceso jolted out of her state and quickly took the braid again. "Sorry," Aceso said, trying to compose herself. "I don't want to leave you with a partly finished braid."
Aceso finished in a few moments, tying off the end with a tie.
"Thank you," Eleraina said. Standing up, her face lit up with remembrance. "Oh! My father wanted me to tell you that you're welcome at our table sometime, if you want."
Such an invitation felt incredibly unexpected. "I see," Aceso said. Such an invitation was the last thing she expected from this family.
"Me and my father would be happy to have you over. He wanted to thank you after giving up your fishing spot."
Now she knew exactly who her father was.
"Why?" Aceso asked through tears. "Why would you want to see me after…?"
The girl fell silent for a moment, thinking. "What happened to my mother wasn't your fault. I know you're different than those wraith. You're a little scary, but we see that you watch out for people and help them."
"Am I really that scary?"
"In a good way," Eleraina said. "I used to have nightmares about the wraith all the time. I used to see them coming after me in my dreams, and fear when they'd cull again. Since I got to know you, I don't have those dreams anymore. It feels safer knowing you're looking out for the village."
Aceso tried to secretly wipe her eyes.
"Are you sad?" Eleraina asked.
Aceso chuckled lightly. "A little," she said. "But I would be happy to join you for a meal."
Eleraina smiled. "Thank you for braiding my hair."
Aceso sat there for a little while, thinking. She felt shame for being ungrateful. She earlier thought that waking up to her life felt cruel, but there was still so much to be thankful for. Meeting this girl reminded her that she didn't have a monopoly on suffering. Furthermore, despite having every reason to hate her, this girl and her father only showed kindness to her.
Being here with these people, living openly as her natural self was a blessing. She had more friends than ever, and people who cared about her.
Her experiences had been difficult, but despite that, she always had what she needed in the moment.
Teyla approached from across the camp, moving directly toward her.
"Greetings," Teyla said tentatively. Aceso sensed consternation from Teyla. She had bad news. Compounding the feeling was that Teyla wasn't due back for another day.
Teyla seemed apprehensive. "Are—you okay?"
Aceso realized she'd been crying.
"I will be," Aceso said. "I just remembered how much I had to be thankful for."
Teyla sat down beside her and they shared a brief hug. "It's good to have those moments from time to time," Teyla said.
"What happened?" Aceso asked, knowing that Teyla had something to tell her. Her thoughts turned toward McKay and Beckett.
"Colonel Sheppard has asked Todd if he can help with Beckett. Todd claims to have a plan to return Beckett to normal."
Aceso tensed. "I see—why did you need to tell me?"
Teyla's breath caught. "Todd has requested your help."
