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I do not own Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, all rights go to Studio Trigger, Funimation, and all others associated with the creation and production of the show and manga. Please support the show with it's official release
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Episode 1: Excretion Without Honor and Humanity!
"Daten City, California, a town flinging to the threshold between Heaven and Hell, with a piece of its human inhabitants regularly threatened by foul-tempered evil spirits! A faded darkness will have struck this town today, unnoticed, silent, deadly. However, there are some who wield a light beyond all human understanding, and ascend their stools of righteousness to eradicate those foul shadows bound to servitude by the bowels of Hell! But who could be given the duty of eliminating this darkness? Are they servants of God, or minions of the Devil!?"
Outside the Daten city church was the weird, green, zipper plush rat dog thing, Chuck, mindlessly bouncing around, jumping up and down, repeating his own name over and over. He just kept bouncing around, no thoughts in his head, until suddenly, thunder boomed in the sky, and with a bolt from the heavens…
ZZZAAAAAAAAP!
A lightning bolt struck Chuck, charring his body completely black. Out of a small trap door in the side of the church came an absolutely massive black priest that towered over the average man. He bonked Chuck hard on the head with a wooden mallet, causing him to spit out a piece of paper that had "W.C." written on it, which was an acronym for Water Closet, or at least, that's what the priest man had assumed it meant based on what he had heard on the news. These strange incidents of people being sucked into their toilets could only be caused by one thing…
A Ghost.
The tall priest walked back into the church, taking Chuck with him.
The bells of the church suddenly began to gong, waking up the church's resident angels. In one particularly messy room, was a blonde haired angel girl with bright blue eyes, who had just awoken from a night of fun with the fucking milkman. The milkman was startled awake by the sound of the loud church bells. "Sh-Shit! What the hell is going on!?" The blonde angel just groaned in frustration as she went to the bathroom to shower… looks like today was going to be another pain in the ass…
In another, far cleaner room, was a pale skinned angel with navy blue and pink hair that had been awoken from her slumber. She slowly arose from her bed, still clutching her blue cat plush… and then laid back down, only to get up with a groan. She stretched her arms and legs, her joints popping as she moved. Once the angel had finished stretching, she too, went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
Eventually, the two (and the milkman I guess) came downstairs, the angels seated themselves on the pews, still in bathrobes since they knew that the patience of the priest was always wearing thin.
With everyone present, the priest turned to the blonde angel. "Having a good morning Panty?" Panty looked over at the milkman, who was getting his clothes back on, "that's your cue to go sweet cheeks." The milkman, who was now fully dressed, began walking out the door, though before leaving, he turned back with a flustered smile, "s-so I'll call you… uh, bye bye!" He ran out the door, he did have a job to get to. The priest however just rolled his eyes, before looking at the goth angel, "and how are you feeling this morning, Stocking?" Stocking was holding a plate with a slice of devil's food cake. "Fuck off Garter, don't talk to me until I've had my goddamn sugar…" Stocking took her fork and stuck it into the cake, pulling a piece of the cake off. She then ate it, her grumpy scowl turning into a satisfied smile.
Seeing how everyone was here, Garterbelt cleared his throat, getting ready to speak. "Heaven has blessed us with a clue that should lead us to another ghost to take out. Listen up!" He reached into his afro, and pulled out a piece of paper, the very same that came out of Chuck's disgusting mouth. "Water closet! That means bathroom you stupid hoes! We have reports of people being suddenly and inexplicably sucked into their toilets, almost as if the commodes are eating them alive. Taking a massive dump is one of the most vulnerable positions a person can find themselves in. Or someone or something to pray upon their weaknesses is a vicious and tangible act! Ohhhh, this is the work of a ghost, y'all!"
But the two angels were not listening, they were bantering amongst each other. "I swear, all I need in life is to wake up next to some morning wood!" Stocking smirked in response, "is there anything hard you refuse to jump on?" "Oh stop it with the self righteous bullshit, everyone has a hobby!" "You right, I'll stick with sugar." "Ugh, don't you ever crave protein?" "Don't you ever not?" "Hey it's good for you, isn't that right Garter?"
"Fucking Anarchy sisters…" Garterbelt groaned in frustration, he had to deal with this shit every single day ever since he was put in charge of them. "Shut up! First of all why the hell do you think I know the answer to that. Second, if you don't want to be stuck here forever, the only option you pathetic excuses for anything resembling angels have is to buy tickets back into Heaven with heaven coins earned from exterminating evil Ghosts! Contrary to popular belief you are not here to collect men or sugar! So stop acting like lazy, fat-ass hoes and get your asses out there!"
The two sisters just sat there for a moment, before Garterbelt spoke again, "oh yeah, by the way, since Heaven doesn't want you two to come back until you've bettered your ways, the authorities upstairs will personally be sending me an Angel from Geburah to help straighten you bitches out!"
The anarchy sisters let out an audible groan, "ugh! For real? That's so fucking lame!" Panty kicked Chuck across the room in frustration, which caused him to violently splatter against the wall. Stocking just finished the rest of her cake, "cmon Panty… let's just go, I'm kind of in the mood for killing a ghost now." She stood up, and put her plate on the pew. Panty just stared at her sister for a moment before sighing, "yeah fuck it let's go, we had nothing planned anyways!"
With that, the two got dressed, ate a quick breakfast, and were now in the dank crypt of the church. Of course, the reason for this was because it doubled as the garage for their pink hummer, See Through. As the two sat down in the car, See Through suddenly let out a fleshy, organic grumble. "Oh shit, looks like See Through needs some gas." "It's your turn to pay for gas, Panty." "I know! Get off my ass!"
Panty stuck the key into the ignition, and started See Through's engine, which roared to life. With the engine of See Through rumbling, and the radio blaring, Panty and Stocking drove off, shooting out of the crypt and onto the highway, reaching speeds that are absolutely over the speed limit. Panty whooped in excitement, "Fuck yeah! I love how See Through gets us around in motherfucking style! Get it girl! Get it!" And like that the two were gone, off in search of the ghost… or at least something to do
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Meanwhile…
Standing in the middle of the graveyard that was right next to the Daten City church were two individuals… Demons. One of them was small, with a tail like a scorpion, and two horns that were akin to the ears of a cat. The Imp ruffled her short, black hair as she looked through a toolbox. "Ugh… it's here somewhere… aha! There she is!" She took out a small robot in the shape of a fly. Its red and black paint was slightly chipped, and it appeared the machine was out of power. The Imp opened up a compartment in the robot, and placed a battery inside, which caused the robot's eyes to light up, its power lines now glowing a bright orange. "There we go! Alright Cambug, you know the drill, keep an eye on the church!" With the Imp's command, Cambug flies off, surveying the church from the outside. "Okay good, now we just need to set up some cameras out here, and get some cameras on the inside…"
The other demon was much taller than the Imp, and instead of having a scorpion's tail, her tail was long and spade tipped. Her hair was mostly bright pink with some eye-catching cyan spirals mixed in. Her singular, spiral shaped horn had some strands of hair wrapped around it. "Ring, are you positive that robot will hold together? It is one of your older models…" Ring looked up at the succubus with a gasp, "Fishnet! Don't say that about her! She may be old, but it's wasteful to just scrap her! Anyways, I assume you know what the next part of our plan is?" Fishnets nodded, "get the cameras on the inside of the church, got it." She gave a devious smirk, her eyes briefly turning into spirals, "it'll be so easy, the Anarchy sisters could do it, in fact, they will~." Her tail wagged with excitement, Fishnet's smirk turning into a lewd grin, "I personally cannot wait to meet Panty herself… oh the stories I've heard! It's enough to impress any self respecting Concubus~!" Ring just laughed at Fishnet, "hah! You would wanna meet her you horny fuck! Hahahaha!" This made Fishnet pout in embarrassment, "well! I'll be off!" She zipped up her biker's suit, but before she could put on her helmet, Ring laughed at her again, "oh what is it now you runt!?" "NYAHAHAHAHA! I can… I can… I can see your nipples through that suit! What, forget to wear a bra again?" Ring just kept laughing and laughing at Fishnet… which made her very angry.
Suddenly, her horn and eyes glowed a bright pink, as a rock suddenly floated off the ground, and launched itself at Ring's head. "FUCKING OW ALRIGHT! Jeez… you didn't have to nearly kill me! Just take this!" She threw a small device at Fishnet, "that's the damn tracking device, I bugged their ugly pink car, so use that to find them, now go! Get out of my sight you whore!" Ring turned back to her toolbox, grumbling to herself as she got out some bandages to patch up her head. Fishnet just stuck her slimy, black tongue out at Ring, before putting on her biker helmet, and walking over to her motorcycle. She rode off, tailing the Anarchy sisters, and leaving Ring to finish her work at the Church.
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"Haha, yes! It's never flowed better! Oh god, you are a master at your craft~."
"Uh yeah, I'll come by later and check up on it." Right outside the home of an older woman was a van that had the logo of Grenshaw Plumbers on it. A plumber was speaking to the owner of the home, as he had just finished cleaning her pipes… no not like that you pervert. Before the plumber could leave, the older woman spoke up, "my, aren't you the sweetest darn thing? I think you should stay a little longer, after all, I've got something else I need you to check up on-"
"BINGO! FOUND HIM!" Out of nowhere came See Through, blasting through the streets and ramming into the side of the van. The van had been wrecked, but See Through seemed fine. Panty and Stocking stepped out of See Through, with Panty grabbing her panties, turning them into a silver gun that glowed blue. "A… toilet plumber dude? Panty are you sure that's him?" Stocking was a bit apprehensive with just… accusing this guy out of the blue, but Panty already had her gun pointed at this guy's head. "Yeah I'm sure, isn't that right asshole!? Well? Do you feel lucky punk? Do ya!?" She pulled the trigger of her gun… but the bullets only bounced off the guy…
"I don't think it's him." "That's what I said…"
"P-Please stop shooting me! It really hurts! I haven't done anything…" After getting a better look at this guy, with his light facial hair, Panty couldn't help but flash a lewd smile. "Fuck you're a hot piece of ass aren't you~..." The older woman looked over with a smile, "oh you are preaching to the vag sister!" Panty transformed her gun back into a pair of panties, and handed them to Stocking. "Hold onto these sis~"
"Gross…"
And with that, Panty brought the plumber to a motel so he could clean her pipes, while Stocking went off to do her own thing… but what the two sisters failed to notice was they were being followed the whole time
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Panty stepped out of the motel, letting out a satisfied sigh. It was late at night now, and they hadn't found the ghost… but Panty didn't really give a shit, she just wanted to get home. She took out her phone, and got ready to text Stocking… when she heard someone call for her. "Excuse me! Excuse me! Are you Panty Anarchy?" Panty turned around to see what appeared to be an excited girl around her age with pink hair, and wearing a school uniform. "Uhhhh… yeah that's me… 'sup?" The girl let out an excited squeal, "it is you! Ohmigosh! I saw you on the news, you're a hero!" Panty couldn't help but smile in reaction to this girl's enthusiasm, it was nice to finally get some recognition! "Yeah, I guess I am a hero, heh! So… what do you want?" The girl smiled bashfully, as Panty noticed she was holding a present! It was in a pink box with a cyan bow on it, "oh shit! I wasn't expecting a gift! What is it?" The girl just giggled, "it's a little embarrassing… um… can you come a bit closer so I can whisper it to you?" Panty raised an eyebrow… but then shrugged, "eh fuck it why not…" Panty got closer to the girl, "alright, what's in there? Dildos or something?" The girl started to giggle, as she stared deep into Panty's eyes. She then blinked, and when her eyes opened up, they were spinning spirals. Panty was caught off guard, but before she could say anything, her eyes went half lidded, and she started to drool. "Ufufufu… how easy. You didn't even put up a fight, though I should've expected that, considering how simple minded you are~."
The girl pointed at the trunk of See Through, "take this box, and put it in there. Then, at the stroke of midnight, when everyone else is asleep, take this box out, and open it. Inside are a bunch of cameras and listening devices, hide these around the church, and then get rid of the box, make sure nobody sees it." Panty took the box, and slowly put it in the trunk of See Through. "Good~... now… look at me, you will forget I ever gave you that box, you will instead remember that I showered you with praise and admiration for being the hero of Daten City… Oh, and you'll want to give me your number, oh, and you'll answer every single one of my calls… Now then… awake." With the snap of the girl's finger, Panty snapped out of the trance. "W-Woah… shit… did I zone out or something?" The girl looked at Panty with concerned eyes, "are you okay? You just… I dunno you just kinda blanked or something." Panty rubbed her eyes groaning, "ugh… damn… hey uh, you know, you're kinda alright! Wanna trade numbers?" The girl let out a shocked gasp, "r-really!? Oh yes! I would love that!" The two immediately took out their phones, and traded numbers. "Aight well, I gotta go get Stocking! Have a good… oh wait what even is your name?" The girl giggled in response, "oh Panty! My name is Hilda!" Panty gave Hilda a thumbs up, "Oh! Well then, see you around Hilda!" And thus… Panty drove off… leaving Hilda all by herself…
Of course… Hilda obviously wasn't really 'Hilda'... Her human disguise immediately faded, her skin returning to a bright red color, and her horn appearing once more. Fishnet smirked as she watched Panty drive away. "Ufufufu~... that wasn't even hard at all!" She pulled out her phone, and called Ring, "Alright, I have everything set to go, Panty is now my subservient puppet … Alright… I'll see you back at the graveyard! Bye- what? Bring McDonalds? Ehhh… yeah why not. Alright, see you soon." Fishnet hung up, and put her phone in her pocket. "Ugh… gotta change now…" She went off to go change back to her biker suit… she had McDonalds to pick up now
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Panty and Stocking were back at the church, seemingly satisfied despite having accomplished nothing in regards to finding the ghost. "Oh yeah! You betcha he's feeling lucky now~!" Stocking just kind of stared at Panty, "but he was just a plumber, we still haven't found that ghost!" Her sister didn't care though, she just laughed to herself, "whatever! My pipes are totally clean now." Stocking laughed a little, "heh, how long have you been waiting to use that one, your entire afterlife?" Panty laughed with Stocking, "hah! Yeah, you have no idea how long I wanted to use that one!"
Despite the Anarchy sister's high spirits, they didn't actually find the ghosts, much to the chagrin of Garterbelt. "What the hell are you two saying! You mean you failed!? You're acting like you don't even give a shit! GAH!" He punches Chuck into the ground, "O' Lord! Grant me the patience to deal with these hoes! Ugh… lets just fuckin eat!"
And like that, the three were eating dinner. It was Garterbelt's world famous curry, which was quite salty, with a mildly spicy aftertaste. "Ah fuck… your curry is unreal Garter!" Stocking pat her stomach with a satisfied sigh, while Panty just let out a loud burp, "fuck yeah dude, that was some good shit!" Garterbelt laughed, cooking was one of his favorite pastimes, and while he was still pissed about the Anarchy sisters, the fact they enjoyed his cooking lifted his spirits. "That's because it's black curry! You can never go back!" Panty reclined in her seat, "for real… oh yeah! I met someone today!" Stocking looked over at Panty and raised an eyebrow, "oh? Meet a new guy to fuck?" To Stocking's surprise Panty shook her head, "No actually, I met a fan! Like… someone who thinks we're cool and shit!" Stocking finished the rest of her drink, though she was a bit surprised, "really? Shit, with how much Garter yells at us, I forgot that we actually help people when we hunt those ghosts." Panty nodded, a smug grin plastered on her face, "yeah, it's about time we finally got some recognition!" Garterbelt cleared his throat, "don't let it get to your head, you two are still here as a punishment!" Stocking just rolled her eyes, "ugh! Way to kill our fun, Garter… Whatever, what's for dessert?" Panty stood up from her seat, "ugh, I don't give a shit about that… so I'm gonna go take one, I'll be in the can if you need me!" Stocking called out to Panty as she was making her way to the bathroom, "don't let the toilet eat you!" "Oh screw off!"
Of course, Panty was taking a shit on the toilet. But something felt off… there were really gross noises coming from the toilet itself… Well, that's usually a bit normal, but these noises weren't normal toilet noises, they were suspicious toilet noises. The gross gurgling noises suddenly halted with a loud bang… and then. Panty felt like she was being pulled into the toilet! She tried finding something to grab onto, but she had no such luck! "SHIT! FUCK! STOCKING! STOCKING! HELP ME GOD DAMNIT!" "Shut up Panty! Nobody wants to talk to you while you're on the toilet! So disgusting! I hope you shit your face off while you shit yourself! Hahaha!" "STOCKING YOU IDIO- SHIT!" And like that… Panty was sucked into the toilet. Loud banging noises could be heard within, as Panty was sucked through the pipes… Only to have her come flying out, accompanied by a stream of disgusting sewage water, and we all know what's in that. Panty stepped out of the bathroom, completely covered in filth
"Oh yeah, I get it now…" "Well we don't." Standing next to Panty was Stocking and Garterbelt, with very confused expressions on their faces. And then, they smelt it… that vile scent, that noxious mixture that was all of Daten City's scum and filth. It made them both vomit immediately. "Oh yeah… I get it…" "Well we still don't!" The two vomit once more, but even the aftertaste of literally just throwing up doesn't stop Stocking from eating
Outside the church, all of the disgusting sewage in Daten's sewers has been blasting out of the manhole, and it was all collecting in one spot. Suddenly, the sewage turned black, and grew two large orange eyes, and a mouth that glowed a creepy ochre. "What the hell is that thing!?" Yelled one man on the streets, "It looks like a huge ass scoop of chocolate ice cream!" "Hey I want some, yummy!" Of course, the smell from all the sewage made everyone puke, right before getting swept away by a wave of ghastly sewage. Suddenly, a swarm of police cars came on the scene, and out came an even bigger swarm of cops. "Freeze shithead! Don't make any sudden movements!" Of course, they start shooting first, and asking questions later. It's too bad their bullets don't do jack, as they are swept away by another wave of sewage
The shit monster let out a roar, "SHIT, FART, DOO DOO!" The police chief just watched in shock as his police force got their asses beat by the shit monster. "Shit! What the fuck are we gonna do!?" Standing next to him was Garterbelt, who was watching the vile creature run amok, "no offense preacher man, but Jesus, God, what is that thing?" Garterbelt stood stoically, "unfortunately, we are staring into the brown eye of an evil spirit, also known as a Ghost! The negative energy of all the plumbers that drowned in the sewage of Daten City has manifested into a vengeful spirit! This powerful ghost utilized all the filth of Daten City to achieve it's pooty-poop physical form!" The chief gasped, "Please don't tell me prayer is the only thing that can get us out of this?"
Garterbelt simply laughed to himself, "hah! Why the heck would I tell you that, God ain't even here right now! Prayer can go to hell man, we got angels! Panty and Stocking, you're up!" Walking from behind Garterbelt was Panty and Stocking, and yes, Panty was still covered in filth. The police obviously weren't impressed, but that didn't bother Panty and Stocking right now. Panty just scoffed, "it's time for us to flush the toilet." "First of all that was cheesy, second of all you smell like shit." "How about I buy you cake from that fancy bakery and you do this without saying another fucking word." "So long as what I'm saying right now doesn't count I'm in." "Then let's make this fucking fucker pay for covering me in this fucking shit, alright you can respond to that." "Let's rock."
Suddenly, all of the filth vanished from Panty, with both Panty and Stocking now dressed in completely different garments. They were both angelic… and slutty. Suddenly, two ethereal poles appeared from the ground, as the halos and wings of these angels were now fully visible, as feathered danced around the duo. The two began to dance around the pole, reciting ancient words to the Ghost that stood before them
"O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness. O evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth. May the thunderous power from the garments of these holy delicate maidens strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger. Shattering your loathsome impurity and returning you from whence you came. Repent, you motherfucker!"
Panty removed her panties, and as they were enveloped in a blinding light, they transformed into the same gun she had used before. With one loud bang, she fired a single bullet at the shit Ghost, creating a massive hole in it's head. Meanwhile, Stocking had removed her stockings, which had transformed into twin swords, and as she swung them, waves of light slashed across the shit Ghost. With the two attack from the angels, the shit Ghost suddenly began to form cracks along its body that emanated a pure, holy light
"This blows!" And then, they blew up, leaving absolutely no trace behind
The crowd of people cheered for the angels, whose clothes had returned to what they were wearing before, and then, a shining portal opened up above them, and out came… a single heaven coin. Panty looked down at it, and scooped it up, "all that for one coin?" Garterbelt took it out of her hand, "yeah, one coin closer to getting out of my hair, so quit your bitching." Suddenly, the bell of the church began to ring loudly. "Evil has been vanquished, so rings the bell, I think."
Panty and Stocking started walking home, "now keep your promise and buy me that cake, I need sweets, stat!" "Yeah yeah, hey, I got myself a tasty little treat too~!" Panty was dragging an attractive cop with her, who was very eager to have some fun. "Hey whatever you say man you are an angel!"
And with that, evil has been vanquished, and the two sisters have earned themself a moment of respite
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Meanwhile… back in the graveyard
Ring and Fishnet were packing up their belongings into their respective containers. "Alright 'Hilda', that's everything! Cameras have been set up, and Cambug has not only snapped multiple pictures of the church, but they've also left their Listenlarvae all over the place, nothing will be heard or said here without us knowing it! Nyahaha!" Fishnet was brushing her hair, "ufufu… excellent! And now with Panty under my thumb, even things that happen off camera and away from our listening devices will be known!" Suddenly, the bell rang, and the two looked up at it, "oh shit, looks a Ghost got fuuuuuucked… Nyeheh~." Ring swung her toolbox over her shoulder
"Fishnet, I'm sure you already know this, but I'm gonna need you to masquerade as Hilda some more. You know what they say, keep your allies close, and your enemies closer." Fishnet nodded, "yep, gotcha… though, truth be told, I'm actually kind of excited to see her again…" Ring immediately raised an eyebrow, "what… what do you mean you're excited?" Fishnet shrugged, "dunno, maybe it's the fact she's someone who's… well, also really horny?" In response to that answer, Ring just sighed, "perverts attract perverts I guess… whatever! I'm gonna jet!" She pulled out her phone, and tapped a button. Suddenly, a small mechanical hovercraft came down, and Ring stepped onto it. "Onwards! Chariot VII! Back to Pentacorp headquarters, to rub my success in the faces of those two rule loving LOOOOOOSERRRRRRRS! NYAHAHAHAHA!" And with that, Ring hovered off into the night, leaving Fishnet in the Graveyard. She sighed, looking up at the church, "see you soon… Panty Anarchy~." She placed her helmet on her head, and then rode off into the night on her motorcycle…
This was only the beginning…
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I hope you all enjoyed Episode 1 of IF! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter! And now to wrap things up, a bit of fun facts!
Concubus is the gender neutral term for Succubus and Incubus
In my head, the English VA for Ring is Shelby Rabara, while the English VA for Fishnet is Stephanie Sheh
Now then, I hope to see you all in the next episode! "Death Race 20XX"! Why 20XX? Uhhhhh… I mean… because it's not 2010
