Chapter 57 – When the Past and Present Are at Odds


Outstretching her arms, Yuna yawned, barely slitting her eyes open. The thud her book made tumbling to the floor startled her enough to open her eyes fully. Her warm blanket still rested on her lap. She fuzzily looked down to see the book sprawled apart by her feet.

Her attention drifted to the street below. A column of people shuffled their way toward Luca stadium. For a moment, she stared thoughtlessly, content to watch the faceless crowd meander through the streets. Then her mind snapped into focus—the blitzball tournament started today.

"What time is it?" she asked herself, jumping up from her chair.

Noticing the bright morning light, she had slept the entire previous night out on her tiny balcony. Rushing inside, she cut some fruit for breakfast. A folded piece of paper on the table rested by her fruit bowl. She opened it up to read its contents.

Baralai wrote her another letter, which she hadn't read entirely yesterday. He told Yuna he would not arrive in Luca until the day of the games. Though they wouldn't have an opportunity to spend time together before blitzball overwhelmed the city, he looked forward to seeing her face-to-face for only the second time since she and the Gullwings rescued him from Shuyin's possession.

He promised her a seat next to him for the games in his box seating at the stadium, and a delicious dinner out afterward. Baralai would wait for her to arrive at the stadium just inside the entrance an hour before the games started.

Reading his letter again, Yuna's cheeks turned rosy red. With a slice of apple hanging out of her mouth, she brushed her hair and readied herself for the exciting day ahead. Outside of her apartment, people bustled through the square. Glancing over to the bar and café, patrons already overflowed the seating areas. She chuckled softly to herself at the sight of a group of Ronso entering the café.

Happy memories of her first foray into Luca flooded her mind. Even if she didn't know it at the time, Luca provided a backdrop to some of the most pivotal moments in her pilgrimage. Auron became her guardian, and she encountered Seymour for the first time here.

Glimpsing up at the top of the stairs leading to the Mi'ihen Highroad, she pictured Tidus belting out his terribly fake laughter. The look on her guardians' faces when she joined him laughing like an idiot always filled her with joy, even if a solemn bittersweetness tinted that joy.

Not allowing herself to wallow in self-pity, Yuna marched out of the square and through the streets toward the stadium. Her thoughts shifted to the moogle she chased two years ago through these same streets. She felt crazy believing she followed this moogle which only she could see. One time she revealed this secret to Rikku, who thought Yuna made the whole thing up as a joke.

With a beaming smile across her face, she stood in line in front of the stadium's entryways. Attendants directed her to the right stairway. Dozens upon dozens of eager spectators slowly crept into the stadium. Brushing out the nonexistent wrinkles in her clothing, she felt her hands start to tremble.

What would she say to Baralai, she wondered. Biting her lip, trepidation washed over her. The last time she saw him in person, Yuna had just finished her adventure through Iutycyr Tower. Her time with Rikku and Paine left her with mixed emotions. Running into him by chance in Kilika helped distract her from the uncertain direction in her life she felt herself drifting toward.

They met just outside the gate to the woods. Baralai had been on his way from the temple when their paths crossed. Yuna couldn't recall much of what they talked about, but she welcomed the distraction. He showed her grace and kindness, which led to them exchanging letters over the past year.

Perhaps fueled by her cousin's insistence to move on and do something of substance with her life, Yuna opened her fractured heart up a sliver at a time with each letter exchanged. She pushed to grow from the one remnant of her past she still wrestled with. Since Tidus left Spira four years ago, the concept of love felt like a fairytale to Yuna. When the Fayth didn't return him to the world, she walked with a hole in her heart.

Baralai didn't fill this gap, but his sweet words intrigued Yuna enough to pursue him if only to find out what life after love offered her. Rikku's nagging words pushing Yuna to go out on a date with him rang in the back of her mind. She had hoped to tell Rikku about the date on a sphere call, but Rikku had been unavailable for several weeks. Off on some adventure with Gippal, Nhadala had told her when Yuna called last week.

She tried to locate Baralai on the other side of the entrance through the crowd of people. The mass of bodies made it difficult to locate anyone in particular. With each step closer, her heart beat faster in anticipation. With her ticket clutched in hand, she trembled as she handed it to the attendant. Finally allowed inside, Yuna darted around searching for Baralai.

"Lady Yuna!" called a voice from behind her.

Spinning around, Baralai waved at her through a large group of Kilika Beasts fans. Just as soft and handsome as ever, his bronzed skin looked as alluring as always to Yuna's eyes. He wore his usual olive-green coat with golden trim and tan pants. She ran over to him.

"It's so good to finally see you in person again, Lady Yuna," he greeted.

"Oh, yes, it is," she replied with a bow. "But please, just call me Yuna."

He blushed. "Of course."

"Thank you for all the kind letters over the past year."

"The pleasure is all mine. I've enjoyed staying in touch after everything that happened two years ago."

"So have I." Yuna smiled.

Baralai took her hand. "Let's get out of this noisy area. I'll take you to my personal seating. I want to hear all about your stay so far in Luca."

Happy to oblige, Yuna grasped his hand, following Baralai through the stadium interior. The two walked up to the upper reaches, sitting at nearly the top of the stadium. She could see the entire watery playing field from this vantage point. Hundreds upon hundreds more people filled in the seats around the sphere. Cheers and chants echoed throughout.

"This is amazing!" Yuna cried. "I've never had such a view for a blitzball game before."

"I'm glad you like it," said Baralai while nodding to her.

She noticed him inching closer to her, closing the gap between them. Perhaps he tested her comfortability, she wondered. Thinking his coyness was cute, she didn't acknowledge his hesitant slide toward her. She instead stayed fixated on his warm, chestnut-colored eyes.

"Will you have to give a speech during the games?" she asked to drum up conversation.

He shook his head. "Thankfully, no. That happened yesterday during the opening ceremony. Nooj took one for the team."

Yuna laughed. "That was kind of him to do. What about Gippal?"

"He won't be making the games this year. I think his head is still stuck in the sand."

She ripped a boisterous giggle. "You mean he's still in Bikanel digging?"

"He's been exploring every corner of that desert over the past year."

"What's he searching for?" she questioned.

"That's a good question," replied Baralai while folding his arms together. "I'm not sure myself. Last he told me, all that digging has made the Machine Faction enough gil to fuel his exploits."

"I'm happy for him. Is Nhadala still running the camp?"

His expression turned to surprise for a moment before responding. "Oh, that's right. I forgot you spent time out there, too. She is still in charge."

Yuna grinned. "Good. She is such a kind person."

Memories from the excavation camp rushed back to her. She missed the banter Keppel and Nomma tossed between one another. While she spent much of her time suffocated by the sweltering heat, Bikanel had provided her with a refuge from the overwhelming depression and loss afflicting her two years ago. Quickly she reminded herself that these feelings swelled from Lenne and not herself.

"From what Gippal tells me, she still talks about you. I think the camp is still living off the gil from all those old coins you found."

Yuna chuckled, picturing Rin handing over bags full of coins to Nhadala. She could still recall the absolute expression of shock on Nhadala's face when she finally revealed herself and dropped the guise of Lenne.

"Maybe if I get bored here, I'll go back to digging," joked Yuna.

"I imagine you haven't been bored here," commented Baralai. "I want to hear all about what you've been up to in your new home."

"Oh," said Yuna before pausing to think. "Well, to be honest, I haven't done anything too exciting. Just getting comfortable I suppose. Working at the sphere theater has been fun."

"The High Summoner has a new career," teased Baralai.

"Hey, I have to pay for things to live here," Yuna retorted.

They both laughed in unison, interrupted by a thunderous quake in the stadium. Water poured into the translucent sphere in the middle, signaling blitzball games neared. The crowd erupted in ravenous applause. The two announcers, Bobba and Jimma, greeted the fans of the stadium, readying them for another tournament full of action and suspense.

Yuna clapped her hands, impatiently waiting to hear which teams played first. First up, the Guado Glories faced off against the Besaid Aurochs. Upon hearing her team's name called, Yuna stood up, bursting out in an ovation. She yelled as loud as she could when Keppa led the rest of the team into the watery sphere.

Sitting on the edge of her seat, she watched with sweaty palms as the Glories kicked off the match. Auda and Pah spent the first minute passing the ball back and forth between each other, until Jassu made a daring charge, snatching the ball away from Pah. Snaking through the Glories defense, Datto waved his hand in the air. A quick pass from Jassu ended with the Aurochs scoring their first goal in two years.

Yuna leaped out of her seat, clapping her hands in the air. She watched Datto twist around in a victory dance. The sound of Baralai's stifled laughter attracted her attention. She felt a wave of embarrassment seep over her. Retracting her arms, she sat back down.

"Sorry," she said, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," replied Baralai. "I've just never seen you so animated before."

"It's been two years since the Aurochs last played. I guess it has me excited."

He flashed her a smile. "It's good to see you excited again."

Feeling her embarrassment wash away as quickly as it had set in, Yuna resumed cheering for her home team. The Aurochs and Glories continued their clash, tackling each other and stifling their advances. Stopping a last-second shot to tie the game, Keepa swatted the ball away from the goal. Time expired and the Aurochs reigned victoriously.

Leaning back in her seat, she wiped the sweat from her palms off onto her legs. With a coy expression on her face, she turned her head to face Baralai.

"Do you have a favorite team?" she questioned.

He rubbed his chin. "Well, I wouldn't say I do. There is no team in Bevelle."

"You never picked up another team to cheer for?"

"To be honest," he replied while shaking his head. "I'm not much of a fan of blitzball. I really don't know much about it."

Yuna's eyes shot open wide. "You don't? Why didn't you say so before? I can explain the different parts of the game."

The second match stirred the crowd, with the Al Bhed Psyches taking on the hometown Luca Goers. Much to Yuna's amazement, the Psyches dominated over the Goers. Unlike two years ago, the players for the Goers couldn't keep up with the relentless strikes from the Psyches. By the end of the second period, a hush fell over the crowd. Defeated four to one, the Goers sulked back to their locker room, handily dispatched by the upstart Al Bhed.

During the third match between the Ronso Fangs and the Kilika Beasts, Yuna spent the entire time illustrating all the positions, moves, terms, and techniques in blitzball. She pontificated on strategy and proper tactics until Baralai's eyes glazed over. Apologizing for her overzealous explanations, Yuna giggled to herself.

The Fangs scored six points, handily beating their opponent Beasts, who only scored two points. The Aurochs would face the Al Bhed Psyches next. Worrying that the Psyches always played her home team hard, Yuna bit her lip while the teams entered the arena.

The game rapidly roared to life, with the Psyches scoring a goal within the first ten seconds. Yuna buried her hands in her face, only to be startled out of it by Vilucha sailing the ball from near mid-court, burying it into the opposing goal. The match thrust her through a whirlwind of emotions. Unlike their first match, the Aurochs mustered little defense, instead trading goals with their opposition.

By the end of regulation, with the score tied five to five, Yuna collapsed into her seat. Noticing Baralai staring at her with a look of concern on his face, she chuckled at him.

"Don't worry, I'm alright," she said.

"I must imagine all that cheering has parched your throat. Let me get you a drink," he offered.

Thanking him for the kind consideration, Baralai slunk across to the end of the row and vanished amongst the sea of fans. Yuna wondered if she focused too much on the game and not enough on Baralai. Was he feeling ignored?

Before he returned with refreshments, the Aurochs entered the arena again. Even from her distance, she could see the burning desire in their eyes. Leaning forward on the edge of her seat, she cupped her hands around her mouth. The seconds melted off the clock. Her eyes fixated on the blitzball knocked back and forth between the teams.

She clutched her hands tight against her chest when Blappa from the Psyches broke away with the ball. He survived a fierce kick from Jassu and twisted around to kick the ball. Flying on a rope, the ball zipped toward the top of the goal. With a nervous howl, Yuna covered her eyes.

She peeked her fingers open when she heard a voracious cheer erupt across the stadium. Held high in his left hand, Keepa proudly displayed his catch.

"I believe you would say that he saved the goal," stated Baralai with confidence while handing her a beverage cup.

Taking the cup from him, Yuna smiled. "Yes, yes he did!"

The Aurochs snatch possession of the ball, with Letty wasting no time during the waning seconds of overtime. Even when pressed by a pair of Psyches, he managed to pass the ball to a wide-open Vilucha, who sunk the ball into the goal for her second score of the game. Aurochs fans across the stadium ignited in merriment.

For a moment, Yuna sat unable to process the lightning-quick victory her team had just achieved. Beside her, Baralai politely applauded. She found his overly polite mannerisms adorable. In a way, he kept reminding her of her younger self—reserved, well-mannered, and straight-laced. Part of that Yuna still existed, mixed with the evolution of her personality while with the Gullwings. Yuna as she existed now just felt like a jumbled mess muddling through life.

The start of the final match recaptured all of her attention. She braced herself for the deciding battle the Aurochs would soon face against the Ronso Fangs. In the back of her mind, Yuna felt glad the Fangs were her team's final opponent. A part of her would be happy for Kimahri and his tribe if the Fangs ended up victorious. The Ronso could use a crowning victory to take back to Mt. Gagazet. She just prayed they wouldn't slaughter her poor friends.

Watching Datto pulverized by the muscular mass of a body Basik Ronso wielded gave her no confidence that her greatest concern wouldn't come to pass. The beatings continued throughout the first half of the match. Try as they might, the Aurochs could not reclaim control of the ball. Though strong and aggressive, the slow speed of the Ronso players kept the match tight. The Aurochs were only down one point to nothing.

Yuna gazed on, her elbows resting on her thighs with her hands tightly pressed against her lips. Staring down at the blitzball sphere from so high above, she felt distant from her emotions all of a sudden. Each time she blinked, an image from the past flashed in her mind. Four years ago, Tidus and Wakka battled with all their might against the Goers, eventually winning the championship. She could still picture the fiends invading the stadium just after they won.

As she watched the Fangs dominate her island companions, she expected that chest-squeezing anxiety to return. She felt disembodied instead. Even her jubilance from the earlier matches had dwindled. Was this due to her feeling like pieces of her were still missing, she thought. Her mind absorbed itself in this subject until startled out of it by the roar of a loud buzzer.

Yuna blinked rapidly, realizing that the buzzer declared the end of the game. Her eyes darted around the arena, fans cheering and crying. The Ronso players roared and threw their arms up into the air. Glancing up at the scoreboard, she saw it displayed the same score as before—one to zero. A hand against her shoulder jolted the disbelief straight out of her mouth with a sharp yelp. Beside Yuna, Baralai glared at her with a mix of concern and amusement.

"Are you alright?" he sputtered out; his eyes still deadlocked on Yuna.

She felt her face heat up. "Oh my, yes! Sorry!"

"No need to apologize," he replied. "Your home team just lost. It's to be expected. Such an upsetting situation."

She chuckled at his awkward reply. "I'll live, I promise. I suppose they can't win every year."

He nodded. "But they did come very close again."

"Yes, indeed they did."

With the blitzball tournament at a close, Baralai whisked Yuna out of the stadium through a rear exit. Only for special guests and backstage access during concerts, the dimly lit tunnel hushed the noisy crowd exiting the stadium the traditional way.

Baralai continued leading Yuna through the city streets by the stadium, which quickly were filling up with people. She thought of asking him where their restaurant was but decided to hold herself in suspense. With the mass of humanity swelling around them, she felt his body's presence close to hers. The warmth of his hand on the small of her back when he needed to shift her direction sent a tingle up her spine.

She barely registered the calming words he spoke to her. His soft voice had trouble cutting through the discordant chatter surrounding them. She didn't need to understand his words since she could read his warm brown eyes. Their roundness conveyed enough of his gentle notions for Yuna. His gaze still held a seriousness, keeping alert to protect Yuna. It had been years since she last had a personal guardian; she forgot what it felt like.

Extending his arm out just beyond the archway under a walking bridge, Yuna's eyes shot open wide. A two-story white stone building, complete with a water fountain and gallant archway entrance of its own, held the smell of incredibly delicious food. A magnificent tapestry depicting the mighty warrior Lord Li'ihen hung on the wall just inside the entrance.

"Here we are," Baralai announced. "I hope it's as good as Nooj claims."

Yuna clapped her hands together. "Well, it certainly is beautiful, and it smells amazing!"

"After you," said Baralai, motioning for her to enter.

Walking into the restaurant, Yuna spied several wrought-iron tables, each housing two lit candles and a small vase of roses, dotting the inside. Banners from each blitzball team hung from the ceiling. The hostess promptly sat the two at a cozy corner table. Glad for the dim lighting inside, Yuna felt her cheeks burn flush with embarrassment.

"This is all too much," she stuttered out meekly.

"Do you not like it here?" Baralai asked.

"Oh, not at all!" she exclaimed while waving her hands in front of her. "I love it! It's just . . . well, I'm not used to something extravagant like this."

"Of course, I forgot you're still not accustomed to city life."

Yuna's stomach gurgled. "Not yet, but I definitely have worked up an appetite."

"Let's not have you stay famished for too long," he declared with a grin. "That's not a proper way for me to thank you."

She tilted her head at him. "Thank me for what?"

Closing his eyes, he rested his hands on the table. "For saving my life two years ago."

"You don't have to do that," she replied, looking down at her lap.

He raised a hand. "I know, but I want to. I never had the opportunity to before. If it wasn't for you, I might still be a puppet for Shuyin."

"I can't take all the credit. Paine and Rikku did just as much to pull you out of his control."

He nodded. "Indeed, but I've had the chance to thank both of them already."

Surprised to hear that Baralai had encountered both of her friends in the past two years Yuna felt her happiness shrivel. Adverting her eyes from looking directly at him, she wished to push the dialogue away from topics of the past. To her luck, a waiter approached them seeking their order.

As the evening waned to night, she filled herself with delectable food and drink. The delicacies on the menu caught her off guard, but she dared herself to venture out of her comfort zone. The conversation with Baralai filled her with laughter and contentment.

Even though she had first encountered Baralai two years ago and had been writing letters to him for nearly as long, she hadn't truly seen the man behind the praetor. While she had known of his time with Nooj, Gippal, and Paine in the Crimson Squad, hearing from Baralai his motivations during his youth fascinated Yuna. She understood his sense of duty and how that consumed much of his life. They both had that in common.

"I've been curious for so long, but I haven't had the opportunity to ask you this," Baralai said with a tinge of hesitation in his voice. "But what is motivating you right now?"

"What do you mean?"

Baralai paused for a moment. "You decided to leave your home after two years of seclusion. Surely something is pushing you to spread your wings. Is sphere hunting on your mind again? Perhaps you have something left undone?"

Yuna's eyes fell on the small clump of pasta still residing on her plate. She shuffled it around with her fork for a moment, contemplating Baralai's unforeseen question. His words burned at her heart. The question he posed had poked around in her mind since she departed Besaid. It pained her because she had no answer.

Yuna bit her lip. "I . . . wish I had an answer for you. I'll be honest, I have desired to lead a simple life now. I don't need to be in the limelight or be a hero. I'd rather just cook and take long walks."

Baralai folded his arms together. "And there's nothing wrong with that, of course. But Yuna, you could've done that in Besaid. Why choose to go out on your own?"

"I wish I knew myself."

His facial expression sharpened before softening. Letting out a short sigh, Baralai returned to eating his food.

"You may do whatever makes you happy," he said after swallowing his food with a guilty expression on his face. "You've earned that much from all of us in Spira."

Yuna frowned. "Thanks, but I don't deserve as much praise as people give me."

His eyes shot open at her words. "How could you say that? You defeated Sin and saved Spira's destruction from the hands of Vegnagun."

Yuna let out a grunt. "What everyone doesn't see is the people I let down along the way. Not to mention the friendships that I've let fade away."

Baralai swallowed hard. "I didn't mean for my question to upset you. Please forgive me."

Yuna shook her head. "Oh, no. Please don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong. I'm grateful for our friendship and to have someone who cares enough to ask how I feel."

Agreeing wholeheartedly with her, Baralai steered the conversation back to more joyful topics until dessert arrived. Yuna welcomed the rich taste of the chocolate cherry cake slice presented in front of her. She tried to avoid making a mess on herself while Baralai made her laugh. When he finished his piece, she leaned across the table to wipe a smudge of chocolate from his cheek.

The moon soared high in the sky by the time Yuna left with Baralai from the restaurant. A far cry from the boisterous streets packed with people, only the occasional couple walked this late at night. The night air smelled sweet to Yuna, much like the cherry on her dessert.

With her arm locked around his, Baralai led Yuna back to the square. The warmth radiating off his body comforted her in the cool night's air. Instead of heading back to her apartment, she stayed tied to his arm. He ended up sitting with her on a bench across from her apartment's entrance. She sat quietly with him, simply staring up at the sky. Thick clouds hedged out most of the stars from shining. Only a trickle of moonlight poured down upon them.

"My offer still stands," spoke Baralai, eventually breaking the silence.

Yuna turned her head to look at him. "You mean, to live in Bevelle?"

He nodded, flashing her a smile. "If you'd want the company."

"Thank you. I'm just . . . not ready yet."

He didn't answer but dipped his head as he nodded. Yuna folded her hands together in her lap. A part of her yearned for exactly what he offered, but something inside her held her back. Whatever part of herself that was, she despised it.

"Please don't misunderstand me. I would like company," she said, smiling at Baralai. "When I'm ready, I'd like to explore my birth city."

"Then I'll just have to be patient," Baralai replied, with a glimmering smile on his face.

Yuna chuckled. "Will you be staying in Luca beyond today?"

"I wish I could say I was, but duty pulls me back to Bevelle. I'll be leaving early in the morning."

"I see," she whispered. "Well, I don't want to keep you up too late then."

Baralai leaned closer to her. "You're worth losing sleep for."

Startled by the sudden proximity of his face, Yuna went to jolt her head backward but stopped herself. The warm glow of his brown eyes, even in the dim moonlight, mesmerized her. She felt his breath tickle against her cheek. For a moment, she witnessed hesitation in his eyes. Perhaps his forwardness shocked him.

She locked her eyes with his, angling closer to his face. Baralai closed his eyes, his velvety lips meeting with hers. The tender locking of their lips shot a rush of long-dormant emotions through Yuna. How long had she wished for a day when she could be kissed again?

Reaching for his arm, Yuna desired to reel herself closer to Baralai's body, keeping them latched in this connection. Yet as quickly as their lips met, he backed away from her. Standing up from the bench, he gently grasped her hand. A glint in his eye matched the twinkle in his smile.

"As much as I wish to live in this moment all night," he said. "I must wish you goodnight. Thank you for accompanying me today, Yuna."

With wide eyes, she smiled back at him. "It was lovely. Thank you so much!"

Kissing her hand, Baralai gave a formal bow before departing from the square. Her eyes remained fixated on him until he vanished from her sight. With jittery hands, she stood up and touched her fingertips to her lips. Walking aimlessly around the square, more energy filled her veins than she knew what to do with.

It had been so long since she felt such deep affection directed toward her—too long. She giggled under her breath, still riding the emotional high of romantic glee. Jogging up the stairs leading to the Mi'ihen Highroad, she found herself completely alone. Free from prying eyes to judge her, she opened her arms wide and let out a joyous cry. Like a thousand years of emotions had been kept caged up inside of her, she released her pure feelings onto the shadowy world around her.

When she regained her senses, Yuna realized she stood in the same place where she and Tidus unleashed their maniacal laughter four years ago on her pilgrimage. Unlike that day, a dark, curtained sky presided over a rippling black ocean below. A sudden chill washed over her. She walked up to the guard railing, gripping it with both hands. Bowing her head, she emitted a long sigh.

"It seems so long ago," she whispered to the night. "That we shared that terrible laughter together. You were the one sad then, missing important pieces of your heart."

She raised her head and looked out into the blackness of the night. The moonlight that had just shined a light on Baralai minutes ago hid behind a blanket of clouds. Its light was stolen from the world. The void she stared into seemed to suck the wellspring of joy straight out of her heart, leaving a sobering melancholy in its place.

She reached out with her hand beside her, trying to touch the figment of Tidus laughing. When her hand came in contact with nothing, tears rolled down her cheeks. She clutched her hand against her chest.

"He is gentle and kind and a good man. I like him, Tidus, but it's you I still love."

Feeling her knees buckle, she grabbed hold of the railing with as much strength as her hands could muster. Her sobs overcame her, and she fell onto her knees. She didn't even try to cover her face, but simply wailed into the night.

Though her right hand shook violently, she curled her finger and thumb together. Placing it in her mouth, she blew, unleashing a pained whistle. Again and again, she called for her love to come running, just as she promised she would run to him all those years ago.

Her whistles echoed into the void of the night. No answer replied.