Chapter 17 – A Dark Past
Staying with Severus was better than Hermione had ever hoped. She had feared that he would get sick of her after a few days because he was used to living alone. But she had been with him for almost three weeks now and it was amazing. They spent their time harmoniously: reading, brewing, or just talking. Either they went into the Great Hall for meals where the teachers seemed to have fully accepted her as Severus' partner and were just as friendly with her as when she was a student, or they asked the house elves to bring them food into Severus' chambers where they could have a quiet romantic evening. Once every day they took a walk in the Hogwarts gardens or to the Great Lake, and Hermione loved nothing more than taking his arm in an old-fashioned way. She felt truly at home with him and already dreaded having to go back to her dormitory where she would lie alone in her bed, only dreaming of Severus.
A few days before she had to get back, she decided it was time to show him all her love. So one night when they both sat on the sofa reading, she put her book away and turned to him. Slowly she took away his book as well and for a moment it seemed as if he wanted to complain, but then he saw her look and waited expectantly.
Hermione sat on her knees and stroked through his hair.
He smiled and kissed her hand.
She brought her lips to his and started kissing him slowly but passionately. She put all her love into this kiss and she could feel her arousal growing.
He seemed to enjoy it as well, for he deepened the kiss and put his hand into her hair.
In one swift motion, she sat on top of him, carefully tucked out his shirt and put her hands on his abdomen.
His breathing stumbled.
He broke the kiss to look her in the eyes. They hesitated a moment, both their faces showing desire, before they started to kiss again, this time even more passionate than before, for now they had mutually agreed to go further.
His hands crept under her shirt and with her help, they got rid of it. She now sat in her bra in front of him and there was a voice in his mind that told him that this was wrong.
But luckily, another voice told the first one to shut up and just accept this gift and love.
Hermione now opened the buttons on his shirt and when they were finally all opened, he shrugged out of the shirt.
It was the first time she saw his chest, an exhilarating feeling that made her heart almost burst with anticipation. In awe, she put her hands on his bare chest and just felt him. Slowly she started to caress over it, to his shoulders and over his arms to his hands.
He raised his hands to her and that was when she saw it: his Dark Mark. It had faded but it was still clearly there.
Hermione sucked in a sharp breath and stared at it.
Severus followed her eyeline and quickly put his hand on the tattoo. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"No." She slowly came out of her daze. "I am."
"It scares you, doesn't it?" he asked in defeat and put her gently from his lap before standing up.
"The thing itself does, but not the man wearing it." She felt awful for her reaction. "I should have known it would be there, I just ... forgot."
He turned around quickly and stared at her. "You forgot I was a Death Eater?"
"I constantly do," she said and shyly smiled up at him.
"But you shouldn't," he said darkly and put his shirt on again.
Hermione stood up and stepped in front of him. "Severus, I trust you. Completely."
"But I did so many terrible things," he said and looked at her sadly. "Things you couldn't imagine, things I will always regret."
"I know," she said and took his hand. "But those times are over. You are no one's slave anymore and every decision you make is truly your own."
He put his arms around her. "Thank you," he said.
She was glad that he hadn't pushed her away, but she was disappointed that the moment was ruined.
Later that night, however, when they lay in bed, close together with her head on his chest, she could feel his hand caressing her upper thigh.
She smiled and rolled towards him.
He seemed to ask her in silence and as an answer she started to kiss him senseless.
This time nothing stopped them.
Afterwards, she stayed on top of him and just grinned into his face. "That was amazing," she said breathless.
He smiled at her and put a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes, it was."
"We should so this more often."
"Definitely."
She gave him a joyful kiss, then rolled down to lie in his arms, her face back on his bare chest. For a while, they simply revelled in the feeling.
"Hermione, may I ask you something," he then quietly asked.
"Of course."
"Were you a virgin."
She raised her head to look at him and saw the seriousness in his face. "Does it matter?"
"It does to me."
She sighed. "Yes, I was." She was only partly embarrassed about it. Yes, she was already twenty but between enormous schoolwork and fighting an evil sorcerer, there had not really been time for that. Not to mention that she had never met a guy with whom she would consider having sex. Until now.
"And you chose to give this to me?" he sounded incredulous.
"Of course," she smiled at him. "Haven't you realised by now how deeply I love you."
"I guess," he mumbled.
"I'm not assuming that you were a virgin," she then passed back the question to him. "You might be unsocial, but you seem too curious to pass up the opportunity. Not to mention the hormones."
"You're right," he said but remained silent on the when and who.
And Hermione didn't want to know.
"But it has been years," he admitted quietly.
"Well," she grinned and faced him, "if it's up to me that will never happen again." She closed the distance between them and kissed him and soon one thing led to the other...
