Thanks for my first review! I literally began to scream with happiness and called my boyfriend to tell him about it. Don't worry I'll finish this fanfiction one way or another.
Well without further ado this is chapter 4 ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this characters. And this was originally inspired by Chiquislover25 story "Daddy" also here in fanfiction net, so go read it, it's just so pure and endearing.
The next days flew by. Again, the waiting was unbearable. And the never-ending nausea ever present. But she wasn't going to think about that.
Jesse and Rachel managed to get through the next couple of days by distracting themselves with their obligations and texting each other, sometime they even sent comforting and encouraging texts to one another, something that impressed Rachel. She didn't expect to ever find Jesse St James's texts calming, or even consider enjoyable to text with him for that matter.
Rachel was beginning to feel grateful for her encounter with Jesse and their decision to try a friendship. As much as she loved Kurt and even Santana, there was this level of understating that she only shared with him, even since they were just high school kids. And they fell rather quickly into their old dynamic of easy banter and snarky comments about all Broadway topics.
Perhaps it was the same goals and their same love for the theater and singing, but she also shared that with Kurt. It probably was the same compromise they had to their crafts that made Rachel feel not judged when they talked. He just understood her, he spoke in her same language and never chastised her on her way of seeing things.
She will never forget the low blow she felt in her abdomen when Jesse performed "Another on bites the dust" but she understood his commitment with winning. If the roles were reversed, she most likely would have done the same. As a matter of fact, she did, after all she did send Sunshine to that apparently not so inactive crack house.
She liked to think that her blinding competitive edge that made her hurt the poor kid was more in control, and she could see that Jesse was in the same process. His essence was still there, the things that made Jesse, Jesse, were still present, but there was something about him that she couldn't quite put her finger on that made her believe that he had changed a bit too.
"I can't believe that you two are friends now" snorted Kurt, rolling his eyes sitting in her bed as she was putting on the final touches on her outfit for her coffee date with Jesse.
"Who are?" said Santana entering her room and inserting herself in their conversation as always "You going out midget? I'm honestly surprised"
The quip didn't go unnoticed by Rachel but she didn't comment it just rolled her eyes and pressed her lips into a thin line, with each day that passed she was more immune to Santana's ways of addressing to her.
"Jesse St James and this very very dumb girl right here" he said with a not so innocent smile, she furrowed her brow and casted a disapproving look at him knowing he just sent her to the wolves purposely, also known as Santana.
"St. Jerk is your date, Berry?" she said with a sarcastic laugh and a smirk "I thought you were the smart one of the three of us"
She began to get annoyed but she couldn't show any signs of vulnerability on this, Santana could be relentless when she saw that it caused distress on Rachel.
"Yes Santana, Jesse and I rekindled our friendship after we auditioned for the play last week and if we both get the part then we will see each other too much anyway; so better to smooth things now" she elected her words carefully so Santana didn't see her excitement for this new relationship with him.
She snorted
"What friendship? You just want to get into each other's pants" Santana retorted.
"No, we don't. We both made it very clear that we only want to be friends. Again, if we both get the part, having a relationship would be unprofessional" she began to say with thin patience and a fake plastered smile "I'm late anyway. Bye"
"Rach, come on, we are just trying to look after you. He hurt you horribly" tried Kurt to appease the room temperature, and Rachel almost killed him. This conversation was his fault.
"And then I hurt him, Kurt. You weren't there on that audition, ok?" she retaliated a little bit too harsh so she sighed feeling a little embarrassed. "Look you guys, thank you for your concern. But after last week, something changed between us and we forgave each other completely. I promise you, we are only friends, now I really need to leave"
She finally arrived at the coffee shop and he was already there sitting next to a window seat and reading a book with a concentrated face. She smiled endeared at the tiny crease that formed between his brows – he never pegged Jesse as an avid reader – after a few seconds of contemplating his handsome face she decided to disrupt his reading and approached him.
"Hey stranger"
"Rach, hi" He looked up at her sensing her presence, a bright smile bloomed in his face and stood up quickly and moved her chair so she could seat.
"Aren't we chivalrous today?" she acknowledged.
"Please, I'm always chivalrous" he snorted with usual his cocky grin.
She took a few seconds to peruse the menu while occasionally taking a good look of Jesse who was doing the same. On the audition day she didn't really took in how much he had changed due to the circumstances, but now with a little more headspace and time she began to appreciate all his changes.
He had a buzz cut which suited him and it made him look more grown up. She always had a soft spot for his dark brown curls, though. But at the end his boyish looks were still there, something that she appreciated, it was something that always made her insides churn. He also had put more muscle, not so much to look bulk but she could see broader shoulders and his shirt was a little bit tighter around the arms and chest, maybe he was going to the gym or he was in a demanding routine in whatever he was doing, "What is he doing now?" Rachel thought to herself.
"I already know what I want by the way, but first I want to catch up with you, what are you doing here in New York" she began, just to satisfy her curiosity. "I know things didn't work out in LA but I always thought that you would return to the Hollywood glamour and the fare weather"
He looked amused by her choice of words and he took his time to think his response.
"Well after Nationals last year and that inevitable loss, never got the chance to say how wonderful you were with your rendition of "It's all coming back to me now" by the way Rach, Carmel fired me" he said, last part looking away embarrassed. "I returned to Ohio with my tail between my legs I must admit, it took me a while and an intervention from my siblings but I decided to try my luck here" he paused "I swear I wasn't following you, meeting you at that callback was pure coincidence and a twist of fate I didn't expect" he added while stifling a laugh.
"Oh, so in the meantime?" Rachel was surprised, of course his contract with Carmel would have been terminated if he was here, but she hadn't thought that it would mean he was fired. He got swept off of his feet but then got back in the saddle and she could admire him for it.
"In the meantime, I entered some courses in the NYU and I'm doing some shifts in a bar some nights a week" he said with a calm smile.
"I thought you were a trust fund baby" she said using his same words from last time with a raised eyebrow and trying to tease him.
"I am, but I can't access it until I am 25 years old. My parents, they have been really supportive, but after flunking out of UCLA and getting fired, well they had some conditions for me gambling my future here in New York. They didn't cut me off completely, thankfully, they allowed me to live in our NY condo and pay for my courses, but that's it. As for groceries and the rest, it's on me. Can't complain though, is more than I deserve from them after such a rocky start"
Rachel was left speechless, he looked so in peace and ok with everything that had happened to him these last years, which was a lot, even by putting aside her kiss with Finn on New York.
"I had no idea Jesse, you've left me without words, and that's a lot coming from me" she said with wide eyes and slowly shaking her head.
"Oh, its fine now, if anything it has been a humbling experience. I never had to work hard for anything, aside for Vocal Adrenaline, and is kind of fulfilling when I can partially support myself"
"That's the change in you I couldn't put my finger on, I can see it you know? You are obnoxious as ever St. James, but you are a little bit less smug, and even, I daresay, more grounded" she realized snapping her fingers with a big grin.
He laughed, she could always call him on his shit and still make him laugh and not make him feel judged.
"I'm just grateful that my parents still believe in me, but enough about me. How's NYADA and New York treating you?" he asked.
"Oh, it's been so great, had a rocky start at the freshman dorms, but now I'm living in a flat with Kurt and hear this... Santana" she answered him waiting for his reaction.
"Lopez? How did that come to happen" he gaped at her astonished.
Rachel then proceeded to explain how Santana showed one day and never left the loft, she always joked with Kurt that she was their stray dog. He had a flabbergasted look that Rachel couldn't help but found amusing, she living with her high school tormentor had to be a bad joke to anyone that heard it, so she always enjoyed the looks of astonishment in people's faces when she disclosed that piece of information.
"Didn't see that one coming, I'll give you that" he admitted nodding.
Conversation went easily and smoothly as always with him, so much interests in common and similar way of looking at the world did that. Whether it was their never ending of Sondheim vs. Webber debate that they never managed to settle since his senior and her sophomore year or which musical deserved the most to win last year's Tonys, Newsies or Once.
When they left the coffee shop and each other to their respective routes, neither admitted it but both felt grateful of having found each other, New York was too big and scary without some friends to make it easier.
Each day that passed, Rachel began to grow even more concerned to that nausea, and she couldn't fool herself anymore, there was a high chance she could be pregnant with Finn's baby. So, when she returned from the campus and she made sure neither Santana or Kurt were in the apartment, she went to the closest drug store and purchased a pregnancy test.
She felt all eyes on her so she tried to escape as fast as she could when she paid for the test and headed to her flat.
What happened next was just a blur in Rachel's memory, opening the package, forcing herself to go to the bathroom, peeing on the stick in an almost mechanical way, like a robot, because she couldn't believe this was happening to her. "Gosh I hope this is just a pregnancy scare" she thought while waiting for the results and pacing non-stop on the bathroom.
"Just 30 more seconds" she muttered to herself under her breath.
She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. The timer began to ring and she couldn't stop herself from tears falling from her eyes when the test marked.
"Positive" she cried and let her body crash the floor in the bathroom cold tiles. Suddenly the world ceased to exist and she couldn't hear or feel anything. Why her? They had been careful and used protection that night, and now a plan B pill was too late.
She grabbed the test and got rid of it carefully wrapped in toilet paper in her room waste bin. She couldn't believe it herself, trying to explain this to Kurt or Santana was something that she humanly couldn't do now.
Everything she had worked for so hard, all falling away from her grasp like quicksand. How would she manage this with NYADA, all her plans would need to be put on pause, she would have to return to Ohio to be another Lima loser that got knocked up and live the white picket fence life with Finn that she knew deep down would never fill her, as much as she loved him, it would never be enough for her.
The shame and fear she felt was consuming her and she began to tremble as tears trickled down her cheeks.
Her phone rang and she couldn't identify the ID caller, she considered to ignore it and just resume her crying but it was so insistent that she answered.
"Hello, this is Rachel Berry" she managed to croak.
"Hi Rachel, this is Tiffany from the workshop you auditioned for the role of Wendla, I'm pleased to say to you that you got the part…" she proceeded to give her the basic outline for the schedule but Rachel was no longer listening. "I'll send you all I just discussed with you in writing, don't worry I know it is a lot, see ya tomorrow Saturday at the theater"
"Yeah, thank you so much" she finished the call with a small emotionless voice and just wailed at the unfairness of this situation that she had gotten herself in. She had grabbed her dreams and was going to begin a project that could be her big break and now it was all falling apart.
Her phone rang again and this time it was Jesse.
"Rach! I got it! I'm Melchior!" Jesse began when she answered the call with such emotion and excitement.
"Jesse, I got it too" but her tone did not mirror his at all. It was quiet and almost in shock.
"Rach, are you ok?" he asked now concerned by her lack of excitement.
"Jesse" she began to whimper "I'm pregnant".
End note: cat's out of the bag for Rachel, everything will start to get a bit crazy for her ;) stay tuned for next chapter
