Wow! I can't begin to explain the thrilling emotion i had after those favorites and follows, thank you so much!

Gina thank you for you kind words as always!

Hope you all like this chapter, and don't be shy, leave a review ;)


Rachel felt like she had to teach herself to live again, even if she never had shared a life with Finn in New York. Partly that's what made it a bit easier everything and why she couldn't be in Lima as for the time being or any time in the near future. But there were moments that triggered a memory, like when she sang ballads on her interpretative singing classes, when she looked up to the few stars that could be seen through the lights of New York city in search of her own star or when she thought of her future, those were the really trying moments for her when her spirits diminished again, and in those moments she either looked up to the sky to talk to him or looked down to her belly where their baby was growing.

And she could survive another day. (Except that day she accidentally heard Faithfully blasting from someone's phone who refused to use headphones in the subway leaving her a bawling mess and made it difficult for her to get up from the bed for what remained of that day)

It goes without saying that she still was just existing, just following her habitual schedule but she now finally was eating better. As for her sleep, she wasn't getting much of it since she had nightmares every few nights about Finn's sudden passing. But she was trying new strategies such as sleeping a little bit earlier or listening to a CD with songs he sang for her that she found in Finn's wooden box that Carole had given to her. And most of the times that did the trick.

Jesse had been a real friend through all of this, he had even agreed to accompany her to her first ultrasound and OB/GYN checkup, because he insisted that she needed to start with pre-natal vitamins or as he had very articulately phrased it "you know Rach, those candies pregnant women take so their kids don't have a tail when they are born" and but also because she needed to feel any kind of support and right now, he was her rock.

Right now, waiting for her name to be called in the doctor's office, she knew she was a jittering mess, her knee going up and down frantically and her hands fidgeting nervously. Even with Jesse by her side

"It's all going to be fine Rach, I'm sure that little thing is healthy" he clutched her hand while gently caressing it to take her mind from her distraught state. But she was mute, she had been irresponsible these last weeks with the recent news and she hadn't been sleeping or nourishing herself correctly the first days, so she was nervous.

What if she had lost it? What if she had done harm to her baby? What if her lack of eating made the baby develop incorrectly? All were valid concerns that she had voiced to him previously to which he addressed by holding her tight by the shoulders and saying that they would deal with that too if it came to those situations.

"Ms. Berry? The doctor is ready for you" a nurse called her name.

She pulled his hand when she felt he wasn't standing up with her and following her into the doctor's office.

"You want me in there?" he whispered surprised.

"Of course, I want you in there - you are my rock Jesse - I need you in there" she stated obviously without a trace of doubt.

He nodded a bit astounded of her choice of words and followed her almost in trance. She had called him "his rock" and he knew he could be that for her; nothing more and nothing less though. So, he then smiled softly and contently without her seeing him.


"Hi, my name is Dr. Green" a middle-aged black-haired woman with glasses and a warm smile welcomed them while perusing Rachel's latest exams. "It all looks great Ms. Berry; I take this is the father?"

His blood ran cold as did Rachel's, a pit formed in her stomach, and she felt a sharp ache in her chest leaving her unable to lift her gaze above from her hands fearing tears forming again in her eyes; while Jesse just uneasily shifted in his seat with a troubled expression. They could understand why the confusion with his presence there, but being this baby a link to his deceased father, Rachel didn't want to even hear this baby being from someone else that wasn't Finn's. And Jesse had noticed Rachel's distress by that assumption.

"Oh no, just a friend of mine. The…the father passed away recently" she said nervously still not able to look in the eyes of her doctor and twiddling her thumbs, Jesse put his hands over hers to tranquilize her while waiting for her to regain her composure.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll take upon myself that the staff is updated of your personal situation so you don't have to go through any awkward moments." She replied a little bit embarrassed but with a comforting tone.

"Thanks, I would greatly appreciate that" Rachel answered a little bit more reassured that at least in her appointments she wouldn't have to continually hear questions of the whereabouts of this baby's father or incorrect assumptions of her baby's paternity if Jesse came again.

Dr. Green cleared her throat in an effort to move past this mortifying moment.

"As I was saying, everything looks fine Ms. Berry. All your lab works came perfect. But I do want to see you with a little bit more pounds on you, you are in the lowest percentile regarding your weight. Next appointment I'll expect an increase in the scale, ok?"

Jesse looked at her as she nodded, he knew she had started to eat again so he was a little bit more at ease on this matter but anxiety of something happening to Rachel invaded him.

"If you don't mind me asking, Dr. Green. What are the contraindications for being underweight in a pregnancy" he began to ask without thinking twice about it, he knew he was just in there to hold her hand but he was worried for her ever since he saw her so pale and skinny the other day in her apartment.

"I don't mind it all, Mr…?"

"St. James"

"Well Mr. St James. There will be a greater chance of a miscarriage, premature birth and not correct developing of some organs such as the stomach, which leads me to my next point. I'll prescribe you some pre-natal vitamins that are mandatory to ensure you have a healthy baby" she began scribbling.

"In that case, I'll treat you to some vegan pancakes and smoothies after this appointment Rach" Jesse whispered to her.

That caught Dr. Green's attention who quickly shot an inquisitive glance to Rachel. "Oh, you are vegan?"

She nodded. "Will that put my baby at risk?" She said while putting her hand in her abdomen in a protective gesture.

"Shouldn't be if its correctly balanced, but I'll add some supplements that I prescribe to my vegan mommies to make sure everything is perfect" she replied in a comforting way that told Jesse that she knew how to deal with first time worrisome mother's to be, a reassuring thought in case he couldn't be in that room to comfort her in future appointments.

"Now to the part that I'm sure you were more excited about, the ultrasound room is next door through this door, there you will change into the gown and wait for me there" she said still scribbling some notes in her prescription as she pointed with her finger to a door behind them that they hadn't noticed.

He waited for Rachel's cue to follow her; he didn't know if she would want him there as she would be a little bit less clothed – even if she considered him to be her rock - that was a big leap. Also, meeting the little thing felt a little bit intimate, an event where he shouldn't be, but Finn.

But he felt the tug on his hand.

"I swear St. James, at this point I'll put a collar on you for you to follow me" she said oblivious to his line of thought. He just smirked and stood up following close behind her.


Once Rachel had changed and had positioned herself in the treatment chair, he opened his eyes and went behind her unsure of how he felt of being in a room where Rachel was with her legs wide open and without underwear.

"Jeez Jesse, it seems as if you've never seen a girl without pants, weren't you the biggest panties-charmer in Vocal adrenaline? Stop being so skittish and at least come to my side and grab my hand" she said humoring his stiff position, his refusal to move from her back and his averted eyes.

"Just trying to be a gentleman about this Berry, you are with your legs spread out and in commando right now" he retorted embarrassed still avoiding to look anything but the window.

She just giggled, at least with him here she could distract herself from the reality of the situation, about how much she wished Finn was here with her.

"Great, let's begin. This will be cold and a little bit uncomfortable" said Dr. Green with a sympathetic smile.

Dr. Green proceeded to insert the ultrasound probe into her vagina to Jesse's dismay, that couldn't be comfortable at all. But Rachel barely acknowledged it so he tried to calm himself and avoid turning green and queasy.

"What's gotten into you St. James, you are always so calm and collected" she whispered chuckling.

"My coolness and Zen stays at the entrance door of a hospital, I find hospitals and everything that happens inside appalling, ok? So just be grateful I like you enough to be here" he answered between his teeth. She gave one last giggle before a thumping sound surrounded them and her head whipped towards the origin of it.

"Well, here it is" Dr. Green pointed a little gray blot and Rachel couldn't help but think that it was the most beautiful image and sound she had ever witnessed. She couldn't tear her gaze from the screen and she just grabbed Jesse's hand instinctively with a strong hold needing something to ground her.

And that's when it hit her, she should be grabbing Finn's hand, not that she didn't appreciate Jesse's presence, she wouldn't be able to do this without someone by her side. But it was so unfair that Finn couldn't be here with her, it was how it was supposed to go had she kept the baby with Finn still alive.

She began to get teary eyed and Jesse could sense it because she began to tremble slightly. He got closer to her.

"I know Finn's the one that should be here holding your hand Rach, its ok to feel that. I'm pretty sure right now he is in heaven watching the ultrasound with us, you know?" he whispered in her ear, holding her hand with his left hand and caressing her head with his right one.

She nodded and leaned towards his chest and just let the tears flow downstream still not tearing her gaze from the screen; he began to hum the first lullaby that came into his head softly while keep on caressing her head.

He didn't lie when he said that she was his weak spot. Rachel Berry would always the only person to whom he could show his soft caring side. Not his family, certainly not his Vocal Adrenaline peers and not any of his weekly-conquests, to them he would always be the smug and aloof Jesse St. James. But not to Rachel, he was certain that the moment the exited the room his usual persona would return, but inside this room where it was just the two of them, he could lower his walls and just be Jesse, and that's what always attracted Jesse to Rachel like a moth to a flame, he just could be Jesse.

"Everything is perfect Ms. Berry; you are 5 weeks along by the way" she said as she gave Rachel a piece of paper to clean herself. "I'll leave you to clean yourself and change" she stood up and they knew that she also meant for her to take her time to collect herself noticing how afflicted she seemed during the duration of it.

The second she left the room; she began to cry harder and Jesse just kept humming the lullaby while holding her in his arms.

"It's so unfair Jesse, he should be alive. He never got to know that he was going to be a father, he would have been so happy" she said between her whimpers, twisting to face him and sneaking her arms around his chest.

"I know Rach, it is so unfair" he cooed still caressing her hair in a soothing way.

"How I'm going to get through this, how am I going to raise a baby alone?"

"First of all, you are not alone, I'm going to be by your side whenever you need me, and not only as an ear Rachel, I mean it" he didn't know where all this sudden altruism was coming from, but again she was his greatest weakness and he surprised himself by actually meaning it, but he wouldn't put much thought into it, he was capable of a lot for Rachel Berry. "Even if it means tagging along on your appointments, getting calls at 3 am to buy you any food craving or tagging along to your shopping spree for ridiculous onesies"

Rachel was out of words, she just gaped at him dumbfoundedly.

"Jesse…"

"I won't hear it Rach, I already told you, I have a soft spot for you and you can look at it like this; I'm doing all this for selfish reasons, I want you as my Wendla and I will do anything to keep you in New York" he rushed to say not wanting to make things awkward between them by coming too intense. But as he heard him forming those sentences, he knew he was lying to himself, he just still loved her too much and was unable to let her go now that both were in the city of their dreams.

"Thanks, for everything" she said stunned and taking her time to reflect upon his words while disentangling herself from him. Addressing the least awkward of them she sighed "You are right, he might not be here here, but he is watching over us and he is happy wherever he is"

"I'm always right" he replied winking at her with a cocky grin.

"I was wondering where was the annoying Jesse St. James. Your sappy version is a bit unsettling" she giggled a bit while cleaning her eyes and standing up when he feigned indignity. He took it as a sign to return to the corner so she could go to the annexing room and put on her clothes.


As Jesse had announced in the appointment, he took her to a diner for a quick breakfast before they each parted ways to continue with their days. Jesse had to finish some assignments from his courses before the workshop for Spring Awakening began, but he wanted to make sure Rachel was well nourished upon doctor's orders.

He still was musing over his words from before, he truly meant everything he had said to her. It was his readiness to help her what still perplexed him, and without any ulterior motive. He could admit that he loved Rachel Berry - and probably never stopped from the moment he lay his eyes on her on that music store; but he wasn't doing this pursuing any romantic motives. As a matter of fact, that was the last thing in his mind. He could love her but he was not going to allow himself fall in love with her again.

What fueled his desire to help her, aside from his very real selfish reasons that not even he believed, was because he still wanted to honor the promise, he made to her of making all her dreams come true, there was no one as hardworking and talented as she was, and she deserved the fame and praise of being on a stage. So, it was mostly kind hearted motives. But no one had to know.

There would always be a part of him that feel indebted to Rachel after what he did to her, he had trouble forgiving himself even if Rachel said that she no longer had any ill feelings harbored in her heart. But this time guilt and regret weren't the reasons behind his words.

As for Rachel, he was sure that she was worried about his angle in all of this. He could tell by the way she was butchering the pancakes she had ordered.

"Rachel, whatever did those poor pancakes did to you'" he asked knowing she was uneasy and conflicted. She sighed and searched for ways to convey her reservations about his intentions in a way that wouldn't hurt him.

"Jesse, I hope you don't misunderstand me because I'm grateful for everything you've been doing. But I'm a bit concerned about your intentions and expectations out of this" she cautiously said still playing with her food.

"It's fine Rach, I imagined that was on your mind and I can't blame you" he gave her a half-hearted smile, Jesse St. James never did anything out of the kindness of his heart after all. And he leaned forward so she could hear him more clearly "This might come as a shock to you, I can assure you it shocks me too, but my motivations are pure. Due to our…romantic, let's put it that way, past; I understand your reservations, but I'm doing this because when I promised you that I would make your dreams come true I meant it Rachel. I'm not looking to obtain anything from this, aside from your company and partnership on the stage" he needed to be very clear on all of this if this arrangement was going to work so he tried to think carefully his words "I'm not trying to win you back. Not only because you are going through something unimaginable but even before when we met on the auditions, I didn't harbor any romantic desire to pursuit you. So, you can rest assured, this is just me lending a hand, yes, a very generous one, because I care for you, but that's it."

Rachel nodded while processing al his words. He was always able to form long speeches and speak almost as rapidly as her, but even this she wasn't expecting this well thought sppech. Perhaps it was something that he was already mulling over. That gave her a sense of comfort in a way, that his generosity wasn't something out of the blue but a carefully thought decision.

She could see herself starting to heal in a future, even accepting Finn's death and not being depressed about it. But seeing herself in the future with someone other than Finn was not something she even wanted to think about. Deep in her heart she knew that had this not happened, she was already starting to see a future without him and was moving on from her first love, but when she heard Kurt's words, she was back to square one and now her grief acted like a shell on this specific subject.

So, if Jesse's actions were guided by just kind hearted intentions then she could accept them for what they were. Which just deepened her profound gratefulness towards him.

"Ok Jesse, I can't think of myself with anyone but him, so I just wanted to make that clear" she finally stated a bit apprehensively. A sad smile then bloomed in her face "But if I'll try to stay on track with my dreams while having this baby, then I'll need all the help I can get, so thank you for being that person for me"

Again, a pang in his stomach. As much he truly believed in his words, hearing her say Finn's the only one for her was as scalding as watching her kissing him in Nationals in NY. But he knew it was mostly his pride that took the hit, so he maintained his showface and returned a reassuring smile.

"Anytime Rach".