Hello wonderful people! Sorry for the delay. my updates will usually be in friday's or saturday's. Since it's easter week and my boyfriend came to visit me after a very long time, it's been tricky to keep to my usual schedule. But here it is the chapter fresh from the oven. Hope you like it!

Something that I wanted to warn you is that it's a really slow burn fanfiction, just so you keep that in mind. As I said before, I'm a St. Berry fan diehard but I can acknowledge the big impact of Finn in Rachel's life so Jesse and Rachel becoming a couple will take its time, Rachel has to mourn him correctly.

My usual disclaimer stands ;)


And thus began the count down towards her due date. Rachel was 5 weeks within her pregnancy according to her OB/GYN and already with all the symptoms of the first trimester. Whether it was the horrible and debilitating morning sickness, hypersensitivity to some smells (specially the smell of tofu, to her dismay), fatigue, she could sleep anywhere if she just closed her eyes; you name it.

Hiding this from her nosy roommates was proving to be quite a challenge. She was a bit ashamed of ending up as a statistic, she wasn't going to deny it. But as much as that took part in her reticence of not telling her dads, Kurt or Carole; the fact that she was carrying Finn's child – she felt her mouth go dry whenever she envisioned those conversations. It was also because she didn't want get everyone's hopes up; well except her dads' - they wouldn't be quite as thrilled as everyone by this slip-up; but everyone else she was sure they would either pity her or be thrilled by the idea of a mini-Finn they could dote on.

Since she was just in her first trimester, she didn't want to jinx it and preferred to wait until she reached the safety of her second trimester to actually start having these conversations just in case, she lost the baby. She didn't want to think of the possibility of not only losing Finn but Finn's and her baby and adding that to everyone's grieving. So being as cautious as ever, she decided to keep that piece of information to herself… and Jesse, of course. As ironic as that was.

The second month into her pregnancy was definitely something. She had started the Spring Awakening's workshops and she was loving it. It was mostly running through lines, singing new demos that Duncan and Steven created overnight and sometimes if it was playing out to be a scene that could work for the staging then they progressed to the depiction of said scene. But as simple as everything sounded it was demanding and consumed a good part of her day, which she was grateful for, less of a chance for Kurt's or Santana's prying eyes to witness her puking her heart out.

Each second, she spends in the workshop was soul nurturing. Everyone was so in-sync with their goals and visions of the world. They all shared to some extent the theatricality and flair for drama that Rachel tried to quelch during her last years of high school. Beside the longing for comprehension from peers that she didn't know she harbored, Rachel also discovered how fun it was to actually work alongside with Jesse when he wasn't trying to sabotage her glee club or carry-on evil plans made by her biological mother. This workshop ended up being an almost spiritual experience that left her feeling as if she was walking on clouds.

By the second week of the workshop Jesse and Rachel had come to the conclusion that neither of them could work in that role without the other. Not just because Rachel was the Wendla to Jesse's Melchior and vice versa but because by how some scenes where developing as they worked on them. This play was…intimate, to put it lightly. Especially when their characters shared a scene.

And not just in a sexual way, but there was an actual beating - which thank God it wasn't a finished scene that they had to play out because Jesse didn't want to imagine himself beating a PREGNANT Rachel, just the thought of accidentally harming her or her baby made his insides churn. It was still something in the works that wouldn't be seeing the light of day anytime soon, thankfully.

But Rachel had assured him that when the time came and they had to put that scene to life, there was no one else she could imagine doing it aside from him, much to Jesse's dismay.

"Are you saying you want me to beat you, you crazy woman?" he choked out after rehearsals were over and when most of the crew left, his hands halting from gathering his things.

"No!" she almost spilled the water that she was gulping after the long and strenuous reading they did from the beating scene. "It's just that if anyone's going to do it, I prefer you being the one who does it, I trust you and I know that you are going to try to make it believable without actually hitting me; can't say that about anyone else"

"I mean yeah, of course I'm going to actually avoid it. I may be an ass but beating a pregnant chick isn't good on my books" he replied dryly while drying his face with a towel and hiding his blush – I trust you, three words that left him without air. She snickered in response not aware of how her words had pulled a string in his heart.

"When you came late the other day and I had to do the reading of our scene in the woods with Matthew, I just felt so uncomfortable! Of course, I am a professional and everything sounded fine but I don't know Jess. Doing this without you is unnatural" she elaborated further, allowing him to regulate his quickened breathing pattern once it took a more platonic tone.

"Yeah, I understand what you mean, sometimes the play it's so raw and profound that to go that channel it, you have to do it with someone you trust" he agreed after giving it a thought. That was something that Rachel appreciated and always had liked about Jesse, no condescending acceptance just to shut her up and avoid hearing her out, that always left her feeling as an annoying presence – she knew people considered her annoying but to actually feel like that was what made her lose herself a bit those last years of high school to fit in.

Neither of them said it out loud – just a hint of a smile and a side glance with so much meaning between them - but both were very grateful to be each other's co leads, they were sure that if only one of them had gotten the role, they most likely would have been able to work it through and eventually get to a certain trusting point with their co lead. But since they had known each other for a long time, they had a level of closeness and implicit trust of each other at a professional level that they wouldn't have with any other person, that allowed them to access a level of vulnerability that had Michael and Steven over the moon on their scenes.


The time she spent with Jesse had increased definitely, not only because of the time they shared on the workshop but because every now once in a while they went out for coffee (decaf for her obviously) or spent some time in her apartment watching some movie (that mostly happened whenever Rachel had a melt-down after hearing or seeing something that made her remember Finn, and needed a shoulder to cry on), something that was starting to rub Kurt and Santana the wrong way, but especially Kurt.

The first week following his ultimatum to call her parents if she didn't start taking care of herself better, he felt relieved when he saw that she was starting to at least function as a human being. He wanted to think that his threaten to Rachel did the trick, but he knew deep down that it had been Jesse's presence when he found him once AGAIN with Rachel sleeping on his shoulder on the couch that same day he had tried to blackmail her – with her best interests in his mind of course.

After realizing that, he was constantly annoyed because nothing he ever did seemed to comfort her despite his greatest efforts, from his real best friend. And only traitorous, back stabbing and egg-throwing Jesse seemed to be the solution to her problems.

That enraged him even more every time he knew Rachel had been crying, because apparently the only quick fix to those moments she was feeling down came in the form of someone who his brother had hated with all his might and was his swore nemesis. And that's why when he returned from classes and found her curled up in her bed and sniffling, he tried once more to calm her but after a failed attempt to console her, he got frustrated and lost it.

"Do you want me to call St. Jerkface?" he snapped through gritted teeth losing his last ounce of patience after Rachel had begun to cry even harder. He didn't understand her lately, nothing he ever did was good enough for her. Of course, his "It's okay sweetie, at least with everything you've been throwing up you'll look like a Jewish version of Blake Lively" didn't have anything to do with her poor response to his attempt – he knew it was a bit rude but he just tried to lift her spirits a bit by making her laugh, it was part of their dynamic.

"Excuse me?" she asked acidly between sobs through narrowed eyes.

"Oh, come on midget, you are not fooling anyone. St. James has been your fluffer through all your moping over Finn this past month" quipped Santana entering the conversation even though no one asked her, how she always seemed to appear in the least opportune moments baffled Rachel and Kurt.

"Fluffer? Like in porn?" said Kurt disbelievingly and frowning at her.

"I'm honestly surprised you know what a fluffer means Doll face" she said slightly amused with her sardonic smile "But I meant more like an emotional fluffer" she said rolling her eyes.

Rachel just sat there in her bed looking dumbfoundedly at her two roommates, this conversation was starting to become surreal, from Kurt's unfounded snap at her about Jesse – who was only her friend - to Santana's reference to porn that apparently pristine and prudish Kurt Hummel caught.

"I'm not sure what either of you are implying" she said interrupting the frowning contest between the Latina queen and her best friend.

"Rachel, I know last month when I gave you that ultimatum to call your parents to tell them you weren't eating, wasn't as effective as certain curly haired boy that sneaked in later, and honestly I resent it" said Kurt with a harsh and exasperated tone. Everything that he had been feeling these past weeks was starting to splash, it was like he was this pot filled with water on a stove and it finally reached boiling point leaving him unable to filter his scalding opinions. "You are entitled to move on as however you like, but seriously jumping in with St. Jerk the first opportunity you get it's a little bit too much even by your emotional dependency standards. Finn's been dead only for a month"

Rachel felt as if Kurt had just slapped her open handed across her cheek, never had she felt more insulted and disturbed by someone's words, and coming from her supposed best friend it only hurt ten times worse. She limited herself to gape at him and after some seconds she shook her head as if not grasping what he had said, perhaps if she gave him a few minutes to calm down he would realize what horrible things were coming out from his mouth. But when he remained impassive and frowning at her, something clicked in Rachel.

He wants me to apologize? Is he out of his mind? Rachel thought narrowing her eyes even more than before. She almost could hear something snap within her leaving her with hot white rage. Like hell I will.

"Ok Kurt, reality check. Jesse's my friend, nothing more, I've been having the worst month of my life, even YOU can agree I'm not exaggerating. And you don't even know the beginning of it, none of you do" she grated through her teeth "You have Blaine, Santana has Dani and I had Finn to lean on, but not anymore" her voice broke a bit after that last sentence but after a few quick breaths, she braced herself to continue "Jesse's just been a shoulder to cry on that he very selflessly offered. I don't understand, don't you want me to get better?"

"Of course, I do! But do you have to do it with Finn's sworn enemy?" even Santana looked at him as he'd grown a second head.

"Oh, you are a child Kurt" Santana snorted, even before Rachel could say something "I may not like the guy around because his hair products make my eyes tear from the fumes, but at least Ms. Bulimic here is eating"

Rachel felt her stomach plummet from the fear of being busted, so she decided to ignore the bulimic part of Santana's statement, that was something she wouldn't dare to address and give them grounds for suspicions. But Santana coming to her defense was not something she expected so it mellowed her a bit before answering Kurt's ridiculous comment.

"Kurt" she began inhaling air trying to muster a calm state of mind so her words would be clear as day "Jesse's nothing more than a friend, he might not have been Finn's favorite person, but something that even Finn understood a long time ago was that if Jesse was a positive influence on me, then he could take a step back. He gets me, ok? You know how you always joked that I liked him because he appealed my narcissistic and self-absorbed side? Right now, that's come to good use because he knows how to speak to me to actually listen"

Kurt contemplated her words for a bit and he could agree with part of what she was saying – even if it made him nauseous. He still didn't like the guy because of what he represented for his brother. But he also knew that Finn would want her alive and kicking and that's something that apparently only Jesse St. James was successful at.

"Fine, I'll bite my tongue. I still don't like him but if he is making you feel a little bit better and he really is just a friend then, I can silence my skepticism to the situation"

Rachel felt partly guilty because something she had caught in between Kurt's words was his impotence of him not being able to soothe her, but aside from her very valid points of Jesse being the one that understood her; the fact that Jesse had the bigger picture with the pregnancy also helped. "Just one more week and I'll be able to tell you" She thought.


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