Hello beautiful reader's, once more I come with a new chapter (one day later, i'm sorry), so after a few fluffy chapter's, I bring again a bit of drama :3
Hope you like it!
"I don't understand why he can't be in the room too, Carole" asked Rachel after a tiring conversation with Finn's mother.
It all had been peace and love talking about what new pregnancy symptom she had been feeling lately, but then Carole asked about the exact date of her next OB/GYN appointment and Rachel naively joked about how cramped Dr. Green's consult would be with them and Jesse. Hearing his name was enough for Carole to pull out the claws and change the mood of the phone call completely. Apparently, Finn had been very vocal about his personal feelings about Jesse two years ago with his mother leaving her with a profound sense of rejection towards her most recent best friend.
"Rach, honey. You know my son and him weren't the best of friends, I won't feel comfortable with him in the room, hell not even with him accompanying us anywhere" she said slowly, to her ears that almost sounded like a growl.
Rachel was dumbfounded and at a loss of what to do. She casually mentioned it to her not thinking it would cause this big of a problem and she was beginning to feel slightly annoyed, the anger boiling at the pit of her stomach. First Kurt and now Carole, did she need to explain her relationship with Jesse was strictly friendly to everyone?
And aside from that, why did childish rivalries - that not even Jesse carried with him - still played such a great factor in her present. Jesse had been nothing but an excellent friend to her, telling him he couldn't come with her tomorrow to the appointment would be unfair and so difficult when he already had cleared his schedule to join her and was looking forward to hear Dr. Green announcing she was out of the woods about her initial poor health.
And maybe also seeing the baby she wondered, and that thought left her heart doing somersaults but then she shook her head and chastised herself for feeling giddy about it. Of course, it's only about my health status, it doesn't have anything to do with the baby because it isn't his, even if he has read more baby books than me apparently.
But then yet again Carole was the grandmother and she really couldn't say no to her in this particular subject, and Jesse was nothing but that… just a friend.
"Ok Carole I'll talk to him, see you tomorrow then, I have to go" she said defeated and hanged up not wanting to spend the next 10 minutes that she was fine when her insides were churning with dread from the conversation she was about to have with the only friend who had been nothing but sensitive and a gentleman all along.
"I take it Carole wasn't that happy about Jesse coming with us tomorrow?" asked Kurt from the entrance to her room, not leaving her even a second to control her bad temper.
There was something about Kurt's way of speaking that irked Rachel; Rachel knew she and Jesse weren't a couple, but up until some weeks ago when only she and Jesse knew of the existence of the baby it felt as a "Jesse and I" - in a platonic sense of course she felt the need to add to her line of thought. That anything concerning the baby had Jesse also in that equation.
Now Rachel felt all of this as a transgression from her political family in the intimate space she had formed between she, Finn's image, the baby, and Jesse. Again, Jesse in a platonic sense, but still… Jesse was there.
Rachel felt dumb for not anticipating how much space anyone else beside her mental image of her family, would take. She guessed she would need to learn to accept that the Hudson-Hummel's needed also a place in that space since at least Carole was related by blood to that baby.
And that it never was a "Jesse and I", it always had been "Finn's family and I", Rachel had been too naïve to realize this. Unfortunately, Jesse didn't belong there, and that bothered her deeply.
"No, she wasn't" she sighed frustrated and trying to control the fine thread of patience she still had. "I really don't want to talk about it Kurt, I have to call Jesse to explain all of this to him"
"Don't make it such a big deal, he was your company only because he was the only one in the loop but he doesn't belong there Rach and I'm sure he knows that so he'll understand" said Kurt without sensing her mood.
It was almost as if she had heard a "crack" inside of her. The audacity of Kurt sometimes rivaled her tone deafness, and right now was one of those times she wished she had a fricking voice recorder to record all of this conversation as proof that sometimes she wasn't the only one with the capacity to annoy those around her.
She wanted to bite his head off right now, but since all had been peaceful the last weeks she preferred to approach as calmly as an annoyed pregnant Rachel Berry could.
"Just said I don't wanna talk about this" she replied curtly between her teeth and ushered him out of her room before she did something she would regret later.
After a few breaths she played her Alanis Morrisette playlist and closed her eyes for a few seconds while she regained the ability to speak without fuming.
When all was calm again, she dialed Jesse's phone number. Might as well tackle this now she thought.
"Rach! Are you ready for tomorrow? We might know that little one's sex!" he said as soon as he picked up and her heart was shattered by the elatedness in his voice knowing what she was about to do.
"Jesse hey" she began weakly, her whole body was tense and stiff and she was sensing the beginning of a headache "Jess, look I just called Carole to work out some details about tomorrow's appointment and I told her you were also coming but well she…" she closed her eyes and took a big breath to continue with her rant.
"She doesn't want me there" Jesse said as a matter-of-factly interrupting her and saving her the discomfort of saying those words out loud. Again, his level of perception just baffled her.
"No, she doesn't, and I don't want to upset her, she was so happy when I told her the news, and Burt told me she was smiling again after that and…"
"Rach it's fine" he interrupted her again knowing this could go for a whole good five minutes and he didn't want her passing out from being out of breath "Look, at the end of the day she is the grandmother and I'll just be this doting uncle that happened to occasionally frequents his or her sonograms. And I do think that Carole Hudson harboring something resembling hope after the year she had is a good thing. So, no hard feelings Rach"
Rachel exhaled the breath of air she didn't know she was holding and felt the weight of the world out of her shoulders. But then an unpleasant emotion that she didn't know what to call hit her like a train leaving her chest hurting and with a lump in her throat.
"Thanks for being so understanding Jesse" she added quietly not able to speak higher through that lump.
"Take pictures, I do wonder how much that little blob has grown" he said trying to lighten the mood. "Oh! Give me a heads up if you need me to chip in on your supplements this month, I did read that that you would be having a multiple-marker screening to find out any genetic complications or something like that, bye Rach"
He hanged up a bit too hurriedly for her liking, leaving her without any words for what she was feeling, she couldn't put a name on it. Little did she know that on the Upper Side of New York her dear friend was wondering the same thing.
The appointment came and she couldn't have felt anymore alone even though the room this time was crowded. She had presented Dr. Green to Finn's family and they all greeted her politely but she knew that her OBGYN was wondering where Jesse was since he had been to every appointment with her and had been like a hawk observing everything and asking about everything.
"Nice work Rach, you are finally in a percentile that I feel comfortable with, thank Jesse for me, all those smoothies and vegan wraps finally paid off" she said jokingly not aware of the tense looks that Carole Hudson and Kurt directed at Rachel. She ignored them though, this was her much awaited time with her baby, some nasty looks and a lack of conversation from them were not going to spoil it.
"Will do Dr. Green, he certainly will be able to finally sleep peacefully" she replied rolling her eyes with an air of mock, still ignoring the dirty looks.
"That boy needs to relax a bit, I swear he sometimes asks more questions than you; you know he isn't the one that can't drink wine" Dr. Green winked at Rachel and gave her a comforting smile realizing how on edge she was with these new people in the room. "Now Rach you know the drill, family please wait here with me until she is changed" Dr. Green said once aware of the odd feeling of the room and sensing that Rachel wasn't all comfortable right now.
She thanked her because she needed a moment alone to recompose herself, she didn't understand the hostility towards Jesse, wasn't it better that she had company and wasn't doing all of this alone?
She positioned herself in the chair and said she was ready, Dr. Green beat the Hudson-Hummel's and seated beside her while grabbing the cold gel.
"Ok family, please all remain on her back or on her side" began to say Dr. Green as she prepared her equipment. "Let's see if the little one decides to show if it's going to be a boy or a girl" she said to Rachel.
Again, the beautiful sound of her baby's heartbeat enveloped the room and she felt euphoric, she moved her hand to grab Jesse's as a reflex and immediately felt the reality of her loneliness when she turned around and didn't find him, and instead Carole and Burt were holding hands and Carole's other arm was enveloping Kurt in a side hug not even bothering to pay her at least a look, funny how before they couldn't stop from giving her cold looks.
God, I miss Jesse she thought returning her eyes to the image of her little baby, once again warming her heart.
"Oh Burt, that's Finn's baby! My baby is alive in a way," said Carole while stifling a weeping sound with her hand.
Rachel understood the feeling but she wondered about what Jesse had told her before about the expectations everyone had on this baby and how they would consider it an extension of Finn. An eerie feeling creeped up her spine of forewarning but she decided to refocus on her baby on the monitor and keep her hands to herself since no one bothered to include her in the celebration.
It had gotten so big since last time and she now could identify a more human form in the screen; as Jesse had put it before, it was more of a blob last time they came. He would be amused now that they could identify a head and even some hands and toes. Remembering this only made her feel more alone.
She tried to imagine Finn with her in the room and that made her feel more at ease at first, but then she started missing him too. And that made her think that when Jesse sensed she was starting to feel restless about missing Finn, he would hum a lullaby for her and the baby.
She was on the verge of tears about missing Finn and Jesse when Dr. Green interrupted her from her internal reflections.
"No luck this time guys, apparently it is a bit shy still, do you want pictures?" asked Dr Green. And Rachel felt somewhat relieved that she couldn't find out still because this wasn't how she wanted to know her baby's sex, she preferred to wait till next appointment where Jesse was most definitely coming with her, there was no way in hell this was repeating. At least not, if she had a say in that.
They all nodded. And Dr. Green began to count.
"Ok so then five pictures, I'm guessing Jesse is dying to know how the little blob progressed" said Dr Green to Rachel assuring her that she understood. And Rachel felt a little less lonely.
She nodded; Dr. Green ushered them out of the room so she could change and she let out a big breath and some tears.
"Rach sweetie, I don't understand why Jesse would need that picture, since he is just a friend" said Carole with a forced smile when they left the consult and were returning in a cab to their flat.
Rachel tried to remember that this was the widow that had just lost a son. Whenever Jesse wasn't the topic of conversation, they had a great relationship, but right now it seemed it was the only thing Carole was able to focus on and it was starting to get on Rachel's nerves.
"Carole, I assure you he is only just a friend. But he is the first friend that knew and it's thanks to him that this baby is still with us since I stopped eating after the funeral and he was the one that forced me to eat, which I'm sure you got from the appointment" she replied tersely while tensing her jaw, hoping they would take the hint that this was the end of the discussion.
That seemed to achieve the desire results because Carole no longer addressed the subject, and then they left and Rachel felt like all the stress left her life.
"Here" Rachel said while handing him the last photo from her sonogram with a soft smile when she spotted him in their usual spot in the coffee shop near the theatre. "And Dr Green says to congratulate you because I'm finally in the correct weight, I swear you've made quite an impression on her because she couldn't stop mentioning you, much for Carole's dismay" she smiled sheepishly.
"What can I say, I'm just that lovable" he gave her a cocky smirk while looking at her and noticing a puzzled look on her "What's the matter Rach"
"First take a look at your nephew or niece and then I'll unload all what happened on you, trust me" she said while sitting beside him.
He gave her an odd look before focusing on the picture and the softest and warmest smile formed on Jesse's lips leaving Rachel out of breath.
"Hey look! It actually looks like a baby this time!" he announced, now with a glowing smile that made Rachel's heart warm up, and then Jesse grabbed her hand as he would have done in the consult and Rachel exhaled contently. "Did Dr Green tell you the sex?" he said now a little bit less excited and more with a fake smile.
She shook her head "Nope, she said apparently it was a little bit shy that day" and she heard Jesse exhale a sigh that if Rachel had to describe, she would say it sounded almost as a relieved one. If that was the case, Rachel could relate; she came to realize there was no one else she wanted more than Jesse in that room holding her hand and helping her through the tide of her emotions.
"Oh, then we will have to wait till next appointment, keep me posted I guess?" he said with his usual show face, but Rachel was equally expert on those so she knew that if he had felt a little freer to express himself, sad eyes and a half-smile would replace that show face.
"Oh no mister, you are coming with me next time. I don't care if Carole Hudson spends the whole appointment with a sour face, being there without you sucked Jesse, so trust me not only Dr. Green missed you, I did too" she said those last words with a small smile, avoiding to look at him "I don't care if you will only be the doting uncle Jesse, I want you there, ok?" she said with more conviction and looking him straight at the eyes.
At first, he looked at her with big surprised eyes, almost as if what she had said made no sense; but then the corners of his mouth formed a warm smile and he sneaked an arm between her shoulders and squeezed them.
"Yes, I will be there next time. To be completely honest, I did feel a little disappointed of not being able to be there this time" he admitted. "I've grown attached to the little blob, though I won't be able to call it that anymore, it finally resembles a person" he said putting his hand over belly and smiling fondly where his hand rested.
Rachel covered his hand with her hand and rested her head on his shoulders. They stayed in that position for the next five minutes, just relishing in the feeling of home they provided for each other. But in between that feeling of contentment, a few sparks of desire flew between them leaving Rachel and Jesse with a quickened heartbeat and a bit out of breath.
"Now, you were saying about chipping in for the supplements" she inquired trying to cool down the sparks that she denied feeling between them because they felt a little bit too soon for her.
He laughed also trying to ignore his rapidly beating heart and removed his hand from Rachel's bump.
"At this point you better name me the fricking godparent to this kid, you hear me, Berry?" he said humoring her.
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