Couldn't get myself away from this hahaha, but now i have to return to my studies before my shift tomorrow.
Hope you enjoy it!
Let me hear what you think.
As she got off the phone with Carole, anxiety crept up on her chest and her mouth felt dry. She had just ended SA's run in public and next workshop wouldn't begin for at least 10 months, so she didn't have any excuses for Carole not to come to her next sonogram, actually most accurately… Carole and the entirety of her glee club since she had told about everyone about her pregnancy without consulting first with Rachel. A glee club that now wanted to come to the next sonogram to meet Finn's baby. Not her baby, Finn's.
Of course, it was Finn's, but that baby was also hers.
Every time she had to hear Carole Hudson call it Finn's baby through that phone call, something deep inside of her cringed out of flat-out annoyance leaving her with a bad taste in her mouth and doing all the breathing exercises that she could find in her brain to calm herself.
She was the one carrying it and the one that had put up with pouring her stomach's content for 3 months straight, constant trips to the bathroom to pee and every 30-minute breakdowns throughout her classes because of pregnancy hormones that made sure she was on sort some of emotional rollercoaster.
But no, they called it Finn's baby. And they planned to visit her this week.
None of them belonged in that room.
Heck, Jesse had endured most of this pregnancy with her, with all the hand holding and lullaby singing. He had even helped her with some of the expenses, proven by the maternity pillow she was hugging now every night. And he never imposed his presence in her sonograms.
Me and Jesse are the most involved in this pregnancy, Jesse's the only one I want there she thought grimly still focusing on calming herself, but then her stomach plummeted with guilt creeping up on her. Am I replacing Finn? She thought worried with that bitter taste returning to her mouth. But then she shook her head as if by doing that she could keep those thoughts away.
She remembered her last sonogram that almost left her at the verge of a mental collapse, and it made her have one again just by the thought.
She needed Jesse with her in that room. She wasn't going to second guess her decision. It was simple as that, she needed him there.
And with Carole in there, it was a big no-no to his presence.
As if Carole could make such demands she thought while rolling her eyes and fixing her gaze on her phone that she had previously used as if it was the responsible of her bitter musings.
But she was the baby's grandmother she remembered, and if the baby wasn't going to have a dad, she wanted it to at least have his or her paternal grandmother present. That's why she bear with it.
But since last experience had been more unpleasant than getting her teeth pulled or watching Barbra in Funny girl's sequel "Funny Lady", she decided to take the expectant mother prerogative.
She would have to tamper a bit the dates of her sonogram to get her desire outcome.
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"Oh honey I wish you had told me sooner, I would have been able to rearrange the trip with William and the kids" Carole said through the phone.
"I know Carole, but I swear they just called me" she said stressing the word "swear" while biting the inner side of her cheek to keep her calm and collected front as she lied to Carole Hudson. "Dr. Green had a family emergency and she will be taking a short leave for the next two weeks, so it's now or never. I will ask for pictures though, so everyone can see" she said crossing her fingers and pleading that Carole didn't detect the slight nervousness in her voice.
"Such a shame I will miss my little angel's gender reveal, any chance you can facetime us?" she pressed with a longing in her voice that had Rachel feeling the worst person ever.
A happy mama keeps a healthy baby she thought knowing this was for the greater good.
"Oh, I'll try but Dr. Green said something about a problem with interference with her machine thing, oh would you look at that, I need to leave for the appointment. Will text you the gender, see you in three days" she rushed to say without leaving Carole any room to keep her pleadings, and feeling suddenly emotionally drained. She hanged up and exhaled.
A happy mama keeps a healthy baby she thought to herself again trying to mitigate the guilt she felt and that kept piling on her for various reasons.
Mostly Jesse's presence instead of Finn's, but even she knew that his company wasn't really the problem, it was HER own selfish desire to have Jesse on the consult.
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"Care to explain why the sudden change in the appointment's date?" Jesse asked as they entered the clinic and veered towards the floor where Dr. Green's consult was almost without thinking about directions.
"Carole Hudson was planning to sponsor a trip for half the glee club to come to this sonogram" she explained with a panic in her eyes that once what she said had settled on him, she found the same expression in his eyes. "I know, it's bizarre"
"That's a nice way to put it" he snickered recovering from the initial shock. He understood that Finn was a good guy and he was loved by his glee club teammates, but this idea was just plain weird, even to the New Directions hippie, almost incestuous and emotionally dependent standards. "Don't they have anything better to do than cramming an OB/GYN consult on a Thursday?"
"My thoughts exactly. I get what this baby means to everyone, I really do. But it's a bit too invasive for my taste. They got the news from Carole a week ago, and besides Brittany and Quinn, no one has even fathomed the thought of asking how I am" she huffed hotly with a stern expression. Since Carole's phone call telling her that she had break the news some days ago unable to hold her excitement (something that also ruffled her feathers), she couldn't shake the thought of how no one really cared how she must be feeling since no one bothered to ask her.
"I'm sorry Rach, sometimes I don't understand why you put up with them" they finally reached Dr. Green's office and Jesse as a reflex offered his hand to help Rachel sit down, she had a bigger bump than before and he had noticed she recently had some difficulties with stuff like standing up or sitting down. She smiled in thanks and he left to the secretary desk to announce they arrived and returned to her.
It was little details like that, that made Rachel think that Jesse would be an amazing father. She didn't want to say it out loud but someday he would make a girl so happy, and that thought alone made her heart clench inside her chest. Picturing him with another girl had a reaction in her that she didn't expect, but she preferred not to give it too much a thought and focus on other things, otherwise she would go down a rabbit hole where she feared what she would find.
"I mean did they all smoked the same thing to make them think it would be ok to burst into a pregnant woman's consult? What's creepier in all of that was that they pretended me to be ok with Mr. Schue in the room where I'm almost butt-naked" she shivered as she said it and closed her eyes with a disgusted face.
"It almost sounds like a fever dream" he laughed bitterly.
Jesse was outraged in Rachel's behalf and mirrored the expression in her face. He had begun to feel a bit more protective than what was considered appropriate over her and the baby bump she carried; and thoughts of the consult room full with the New Directions lot ignoring Rachel and just focusing on the image in front of them while she felt distressed and naked left him with a bad taste in his mouth. But add William Schuester to the mix, a 40 something middle aged man who was too buddy-buddy with his students for his own good, and that sounded like an idea from an alternate universe where up was down and down was up.
He shouldn't be feeling so against this as he was, it was not his girlfriend nor his kid to advocate for but since he had admitted out loud how foolishly in love he was with her, he no longer fought with it, he just surrendered himself to his capricious heart. And besides any friend with enough common sense would know how wacky that idea sounded.
"Now that's just ludicrous and surrealistic" he gaped at her "I can see why you would change the dates, won't stop them from coming but at least they won't taint the moment when Dr. Green reveals the gender" he said in a more appeasing tone to move past it.
Rachel agreed with him. Besides how terrible could it be having them in New York, she just didn't want them in her sacred space that was her baby's sonograms.
"Miss Berry?" a nurse called her and they both stood up and followed her without thinking about it twice.
Jesse no longer had to be asked, he knew Rachel wanted him there and that made him overjoyed.
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"Jesse good to see you again, you were missed last time" said Dr. Green in a cordial tone when they entered the room.
"Wouldn't miss it for anything" he said with a smile that reached his eyes towards his petite friend and with his hand placed comfortably and appropriately in Rachel's small back that he had slipped in sign in support.
Dr. Green took a second to take in the sight in front of her and wondered if he was aware of the devotion and love he professed in his eyes and if Rachel was in the loop at how foolishly in love this boy was with her.
She snickered quietly.
"Well let's not make this baby wait then, I am confident that today is the day to find out" she answered as she began to scribble on Rachel's medical records, as they left for the next room.
When Rachel was positioned and Jesse by her side, she entered the room. She could see the excitement in both of their eyes and decided to not torture them anymore with the wait with the usual follow up questions.
"Let's see what we have here then, Rachel you know the drill" she said.
Rachel propped her feet and lifted her hand for Jesse to hold, Jesse automatically grabbed her hand knowing the drill too. His hand was warm and firm against her and she felt the sense of calmness in contrast with last time she was here. Finally, all is right in the world she thought, as she exhaled a content sigh. The sound of her baby's heartbeat filled the room and after Dr. Green searched for a good view with the ultrasound wand, she could see her baby's image.
"Oh, it's grown so much Rach!" Jesse muttered excited and Rachel nodded mutely, that image always managed to amaze her, how she was growing something so perfect inside of her.
"Ready?" asked Dr. Green after taking some measurements for her ultrasound report.
They both nodded emphatically and held each other's hand with more force almost unconsciously trying to contain their excitement.
"It's a little boy" she said with a calm smile as she pointed what obviously made him a boy.
A boy Rachel thought as she muffled a little sob that slipped from her lips.
Rachel's tears formed rapidly on the brim of her eyes and she looked up to the sky like she always did when she wanted to talk to Finn and silent mouthed a thank you.
A little boy to love she thought enamored.
A warm feeling spread on Jesse's chest as he got teary eyed. Apparently, he not only loved Rachel but now he discovered that he had been loving the little boy growing inside if her.
Rachel turned to look into Jesse's eyes and found them with tears as well as hers. She was in awe that he was as emotional as she was, and that only made her heart flutter.
"It's a boy, Jess" she said without able to contain all the emotions in her chest and bawling. Jesse embraced her and began to sooth her while humming the latest lullaby that he had sung for both of them. "Finn would be so happy" she whispered between sobs.
"I'm sure he is wherever he is" he said and then resuming his lullaby. They stayed like that and Dr. Green smiled affectionately, this pair were one of her favorite patients. She left quietly for Jesse to calm Rachel while she began to write the new prescription.
Sensing they were alone she felt comfortable to let her mouth go into overdrive.
"Jesse, I feel so guilty, Finn should have met his baby or at least should have known that he was going to be a father, and here I am wanting only you at the consult and even deceiving Carole, who is his real grandmother, on the dates" she cried on his chest. "I feel like a bad person, but it all felt so intrusive and I felt alone last time and whenever you are here or singing to the baby, I feel like it's just you, the baby and me and I feel happy about that, what does it say about me? I'm a terrible person, a terrible friend for dragging you in all of this and I wouldn't be surprised if I was a terrible mother also" she blurted all that without any pause to breathe.
Her breath control is impeccable was his first thought. But then concern kicked in and he tried to shush her softly as he wiped her tears.
"Rach you need to breathe, all this can't be good for the baby, breathe with me, I'm afraid you are going to have a panic attack" he leveled into her position and breathed exaggeratedly so she could follow his lead, when she regained a bit of composure Jesse dried her eyes again with his thumbs. "First of all, don't you worry about me or about you being a bad friend because this last months by your side have been the happiest, I've been in a long time, I never want to be a reason for you to feel conflicted or sad ok? I'm fine"
She nodded.
"About Carole Hudson, she is his grandmother, but what she planned to submit you today was just the single most bizarre, invasive and creepiest thing ever. I can't even try to understand what got in her head for, not even suggesting, but announce it to you as if you didn't have any say in that and it was happening whether you like it or not. As an expectant mother you are allowed to have boundaries" he began to flare up again just remembering the audacity of that women and taking some seconds to breathe and muster a calmed semblance.
"Then about the other thing you said, do you really feel happy when it's just the three of us?" Jesse asked meekly and embarrassed afraid that Rachel might have said it in the heat of the moment, as she said it a tiny glimmer of hope ignited on his chest. He didn't expect her to feel happy about that sweet domesticity that they had developed, he thought he was the only one.
She nodded again.
"Great, because I feel the same way. It's part of what's made the last few months so gratifying and what broke my heart for not being here last time, not only because I wasn't here to hold your hand, but to see the baby…which hey, you were right he is no longer a blob" he said softly as he combed his fingers through her dark locks as she giggled between her whimpers. "But that doesn't mean that you are replacing Finn, Rachel, that only means that you are not alone in all of this. Finn never finding out was just a sick twist of fate that is unfair. And yet it doesn't mean that you should raise this baby alone just because Finn isn't here or that you finding comfort in my company through all your pregnancy makes you a bad person, ok? You have a literal entire glee club willing to raise it with you apparently" he ended with a lighter tone to make her laugh a bit.
"And I'll have you also?" she asked shyly and not able to look him in the eyes fearing his answer.
He lifted her chin with his hand to make her lift her gaze and look at him.
"You and this baby will always have me, you hear me? I promise" he said seriously as he caressed her cheek with her thumb.
