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Hope this new chapter is to your liking ;)
"You can sleep in my room while I open the space in the next one for you, I assume you don't know how much time you'll stay" Jesse said warily, she was distressed as it is, she didn't need him asking questions he shouldn't ask. He had just finished the short tour of his apartment, she had been there before but never into the wing with Jesse's bedroom and the other vacant rooms, including the one he used as a storage and another one that Jesse had acclimated as his musical studio.
"But where will you sleep?" Rachel asked with worry and now a bit ashamed because she hadn't put much thought into her rash decision to leave her loft and just had assumed that Jesse would help her meanwhile, she controlled her sour mood towards her friends.
"On the couch, don't worry it's comfortable enough for me and besides, I wouldn't be able to close my eyes at all thinking of you sleeping on it, so there is no room for discussion on this Rach, take my bed and tomorrow I'll start moving my stuff from the one I use as a storage" Jesse said using his hands to placate her furrowing brow as he explained the sleeping arrangements.
"Fine but only because you just said you wouldn't budge, if I thought you would, you wouldn't hear the end of it" Rachel answered now completely embarrassed.
This isn't one of my most well-thought ideas.
"And don't I know it" Jesse quipped teasing her trying to appease her and lighten the mood. He certainly didn't expect this development, but he wasn't going to be an ass about it now that he got the opportunity to spend more time with her. To which she stuck her tongue out at him. "You want to sleep? It's been a long day for you, and I imagine you might not want to talk about it yet".
Rachel took a minute to think it through, at least this she would think twice, and reached the conclusion that she didn't want to explain the events that led her to appear on his door at 10 pm on a Thursday night, yet. She knew she owed him an explanation, since he generously offered her a place to stay in the meantime, and also didn't want to be left alone with her thoughts and replay Santana's last stinging words.
"I will give you a detailed account of tonight events, I owe you that much" Rachel sighed rubbing her baby bump nervously "But please, let me tell you tomorrow, right now my mind is pure and utter chaos, I need to think on something else. Could we watch a comedy on Netflix or something? I need something lighthearted and simple".
Rachel's frantic rubbing of her belly didn't go unnoticed by Jesse and concern immediately flooded him, he slightly frowned and sighed, knowing he wouldn't push, but also a bit irked by the reason that got Rachel in that state.
Better focus on things I can control
"Sure, I think that calls for some "Modern Family", what do you think?" Jesse winked at her and led her to his couch; he then went to the kitchen to prepare them some tea and hummus with celery, something that he had begun to keep in his fridge since Rachel's first visit, from then on, he always tried to have something vegan in his fridge or pantry so that she could eat something too.
"Sounds perfect" she said from her spot on the couch with a relieved grin and grateful eyes that went searching for him, she was aware that the pit of anxiety that had lodged in her stomach two weeks ago had disappeared the moment Jesse opened his door.
"Great" he said loudly from the kitchen for her to hear.
Before he exited the kitchen, he decided to be a responsible adult and took his cellphone out, then typed Kurt's name until he found him in his contacts, thanking the moment he decided to exchange numbers in case anything happened to Rachel.
Kurt picked up almost immediately.
"Hey Kurt" he greeted him in a soft volume, so the petite brunette in the living room didn't hear anything, he didn't want to upset Rachel anymore.
"Jesse, thank God you called, do you happen to know where might Rachel be? She stormed off after a fight in the loft, and I'm worried" Kurt almost shrieked in a high pitch voice and without pausing to take a breath.
"That's why I'm calling you, Kurt, to tell you that she's here in my apartment safe and sound. She arrived a bit agitated, so I'm letting her stay until she cools off and wants to go back to your loft" he said, still controlling his volume but now definitely concerned by that fight that he had mentioned.
"Oh" exhaled Kurt relieved, "thanks for the heads-up then, better to give her some space in that case"
"Yeah, I agree" if Jesse had managed to bite his tongue to avoid asking things that Rachel would answer when she was ready was due to a high-end force that kept him in check.
"I know you are aware that she has nightmares that keep her up at night, but you should know that they can get a bit loud, and there is nothing we did that helped, so I recommend good quality earplugs in case it keeps you up too" said Kurt in a neutral tone, it angered Jesse to no end. Kurt was talking about it as if it was about his next grocery shopping, as if it wasn't a big deal and his best friend wasn't having a hard time.
"Thanks" he said curtly, trying to keep his temper in check. "Hey, gotta go, Rachel's waiting"
"Sure, please tell her that I'm worried and that I'm sorry how things played out" he said a bit timidly and sounding concerned through the phone, that appeased Jesse's discontent of Kurt's previous choice of words.
"Will do Kurt, bye" Jesse said as he disconnected from the call and grabbed the mugs with tea and the plate with the snacks he had prepared.
He returned to his living room and looked at Rachel all curled up in his couch, pensive and quiet, something unusual for her. She was usually a hyperactive spitfire that couldn't keep her thoughts to herself, and his heart sank.
"Here Rach, something to munch on and something to get yourself a bit warmer" he said as he offered her the tea and the hummus with some celery in a plate.
She looked at him and a mild smile formed on her lips, but it didn't reach her eyes. He decided to just let her be, and she would tell him what happened on her own time. He sat by her side, and he put his arm around her shoulders while pulling her a bit closer to him.
"Santana snooped on my things and went through my emails. She found the video Noelle send us from our last rehearsal of the hayloft scene and then implied that I was moving on from Finn with you because I was putting out and spreading my legs for you" Rachel said out of a sudden after binging 4 chapters, with her gaze fixed on the screen.
After a silent moment to process what she had said, he felt like he was about to explode. White-hot anger sliced through him, and if Rachel didn't need him more, he would have hopped into the next cab to commit murder.
"I'm sorry, she did what?" he asked hotly and fuming with his brow furrowed.
She nodded, knowing he heard her perfectly and that question was more rhetorical.
"I don't even know what to say. Aside from the fact that she doesn't know the meaning about respecting other people's privacy… what she said is disgusting and just crass" he shook his head and not daring to let Rachel look at his angered expression.
"She just said it to get a rise out of me, I know it. But she went too far this time Jesse, I'm not ashamed of our work in the play and I won't allow her to make me feel anything but proud of that scene. But dragging Finn into this, that made me snap and I… I slapped her" she finished with her chin dipped down and fiddling with the loose strands of Jesse's couch, visibly embarrassed by her diva-esque outburst. But Jesse couldn't be prouder and in awe of her.
"Atta girl" he said, lifting her chin with his fingers and beaming at her. "I know you don't condone violence, but what she did and said was way out of line, so don't be embarrassed…at least not with me. Besides, I know deep down you got a thrill out of the theatricality of the situation" and he winked at her.
She laughed with what felt an honest laugh and Jesse sighed relieved.
"You really do know me" she said, a little short of breath after her laughter died down, that belly was starting to keep her out of breath. "What she said was horrible, but I do appreciate the opportunity to slap someone in a dramatic situation"
He snickered. And if he could have kissed her, he would have. She was just the most badass and prettiest little thing.
"Just FYI, you can stay as long as you want" he added, she beamed back at him and snuggled closer to him and his heart began to throb rapidly in his chest.
"Thank you, Jess" she exhaled. "I don't want to return until Santana apologizes"
"Makes sense, want to sleep or watch some more Modern Family?" he asked.
"Oh please, more Modern Family, I will never have enough Phil Dunphy in my life" she answered, grabbing the TV control and pressing play.
After 3 days of staying at his place, they noticed they fell into a nice and comfortable dynamic. It never felt weird. Both were fastidious about tidiness and organization, so things were always clean and in its respective place. Chores that Jesse felt were inappropriate for a pregnant woman like exposing herself to the fumes of cleaning products or carrying the groceries, he did them; stuff like cleaning the dishes and maintaining things in their respective places, Rachel did. Jesse cooked, of course; Rachel couldn't boil water without burning it.
They didn't even ask the other to do it, they just did it out of reflex, wanting to maintain a peaceful and respectful co-existence, something that Rachel never got to do since Santana arrived at her loft; the girl was like a tornado and somehow always left a trail of clothes behind her. So, this was a pleasant change.
They each had their own bathroom, and since both liked to be meticulous with their day and night skin care and grooming routines, this worked great for both of them, this was probably the sole downside of living with Kurt and sharing a bathroom. So again, Rachel appreciated this new arrangement.
Jesse still hadn't managed to clear up the space from the storage room and still slept on the couch, which made Rachel feel guilty and restless, so she began to help him move some boxes to speed up the process, so he could finally sleep more comfortably. But he really didn't downplay it when he said the room was a mess, so it was taking more time than expected, that meant more nights for him on the couch.
Aside from the perks of living with Jesse concerning privacy, tidiness and overall compatibility as roommates, they read each other as an open book and were aware of each other's cues and emotional state.
One afternoon, five days since her arrival, Jesse had come home flustered, upset and with irritation coursing all through his body. Rachel decided to give him some space to collect his thoughts and decided to bake some comforting vegan chocolate chips muffins, the smell from the muffins baking in the oven wafted to his room and that was enough to make him come out in a milder temper.
"Sorry for that temper tantrum" he said as he entered the kitchen a bit flustered.
"It's fine, I'm having those at least 5 times a day lately" she answered with a half-smile "Besides, as the author of the most dramatic temper tantrums, it would be a bit hypocrite of myself to judge you for having them"
That made Jesse snicker, and he felt lighter.
"It seems I found my Achilles heel in musical theater, I can't manage to have a decent in-character voice, I got assigned "Gaston" for my "Vocal Technique" class and for the love of me, I've just spent the last 2 hours at a practice room and nothing convinces me, at this rate I'll never audition for 'The Beauty and the Beast' out of humiliation" he said aghast while munching the freshly out of the oven muffins.
"Tone it down a bit Miva" Rachel said between giggles, they were too much alike sometimes. "You should have said so sooner, let's go to your music studio to practice with the piano. I'll be the judge of that"
After two run through of the song, Rachel could identify what was his problem with this particular song, and it had nothing to do with his vocal technique and more with his own interpretation of the song, she gave him two pointers to look for and after practicing it a bit more he finally felt he had something worth presenting at his class.
"See it had nothing to do with your vocal abilities, now you'll be able to audition even for LeFou, but if you ask me, you are more suitable for The Beast" Rachel said rubbing her belly "I think the baby agrees with me, he didn't like your rendition at all…ouch that's my rib hon"
"Let's calm this serial kicker with a bit of "Killer Queen" that lately he seems to be in a phase of Queen, don't you think?" he said with a gleam in his eyes out of pride of the baby's exquisite music taste.
"Yeah, it seems so, and that's all on you mister" she said laughing and pointing her finger at Jesse accusatory.
Some days later, he returned the favor by welcoming her with her daddy's tomato and basil soup recipe and Starbucks's fake bacon sandwich (her favorite craving throughout her pregnancy) when she returned from her last class in a while. She wouldn't be able to attend any more classes since she was now reaching the 8th month into her pregnancy and her range of mobility was reduced highly as well as her lung capacity; apparently, he had called Hiram earlier in the morning, knowing this would be a hard day for her, asking for comforting recipes they cooked for Rachel when she was upset.
As Kurt had predicted, Rachel began to have nightmares some days after her arrival at his apartment, the first 6 nights he had been alert for any signs of Rachel having trouble sleeping or anything that would suggest she was having a bad dream, but nothing of the sort appeared.
Then, one week after her arrival, he heard the loud, sharp, piercing scream in the middle of the night. He rushed to his bedroom, where the tiny girl was flailing her arms and kicking while wailing.
He decided to wake her up, in that state he was unable of doing anything to calm her.
"Rach, hey, wake up" he said as he climbed next to her and touching her cheek softly with one of his hands not caring of getting hit or kicked.
Rachel opened her eyes at Jesse's touch and took in where she was and who was with her in the room. When she processed that it was Jesse, she threw into his arms and he welcomed her into an embrace while lulling her with the baby's latest favorite song.
"Why does he have to be gone Jesse?, he's gone" she sobbed into his chest while grabbing his shirt into her fists. She still was muttering some words between her sobs that Jesse couldn't identify quite correctly, but he could imagine what they might be.
"I know, Rach, it is unfair. Nothing about his death is fair" he said while rocking her through the motions of his body "But he left you with a gift before he parted, a gift that is already such a big part of your life and that will always be a part of him for you to remember him by".
Rachel took some breaths to let his words sink in. That gut-wrenching pain that had taken her prisoner before she woke up was still making her chest hurt, but Jesse did have a point, and rationally she knew that.
Some more breaths, with Jesse enacting the motions with his hands and looking him in his eyes. And a few kicks from her baby, and that helped a bit more to ease that pain.
She sighed once the pain dissipated.
"He really is" she sniffled, as she caressed her baby bump, her habit whenever she was feeling upset. "My little gift"
She positioned herself to be more comfortable in Jesse's arms, so she climbed on top of his lap and rested her head on his shoulder while he continued to draw soothing circles on her back.
"It's fine Rachel, you are safe and everything's fine" he muttered into her hair and taking her strawberry scent. She just nodded absentmindedly and when her breathing normalized, he tried to remove himself from her grasp, but she hugged him even harder.
"Please stay tonight" she said whimpering.
"Rachel, I… I" he stuttered feeling a lump in his throat, and his heart thumping loudly in his chest by how close they were, it was so loud that he was worried of Rachel being able to hear his wild heart rate because he could hear it even in his ears.
Now that he spent the majority of his day with her since she practically moved in, he had vowed to himself to put some boundaries, he knew that he was capable of doing anything for her, but he had to take care of himself too, and by the way his heart threatened to bolt out of his chest he knew this wasn't a good idea.
"I need you" she whispered with pleading eyes.
That's all it took to tumble all his walls.
He sighed resigned.
"Ok, I'll stay" he said with a plastered smile that tried to mask his inner turmoil.
Steven's lyrics from The Word of your body resonated in his head as he laid down with Rachel in between his arms with her back close to his chest.
O, I'm gonna be wounded
O, I'm gonna be your wound
O, I'm gonna bruise you
O, you're gonna be my bruise
He had never felt something to be truer.
But tonight, the love of his life needed him, and he was unable to say no to her, his aching heart would be tomorrow's problem.
