Part Four
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Using the spirit wave to manipulate souls is, in a word, terrifying.
During training, Yusuke described it as being "like sex, but more intimate."
He wasn't wrong.
Soul Bond
Kusuo gently coaxed the shyly glowing orb from its yellow gem and cradled it between palms pillowed with the soul energy the spirit wave required. His pale red energy coated Chiyo's cheery yellow orb, and the sensation of her bright soul slammed into him with the force of a sledgehammer to the face.
Warmth and peace flooded into him, filling him to the brim and overflowing.
Like a cheery giggle in the deepest throws of winter.
Like the longest, most contented embrace from his mother.
Like the gentle clap of his father's hand on his shoulder.
The feeling was so deep and warm, happy and familiar that tears burned Kusuo's eyes, and a hot lump formed in his throat. He wanted to wrap the freed soul in a tender embrace. He wanted to absorb it into himself and never let any harm come to it—to her—ever again. He wanted to pour himself back into her, giving as much pleasure as he received—
"Don't." A hard hand came down on Kusuo's shoulder, startling him out of his pleasure-drunk thoughts. "Kusuo, ease your grip before you smother her."
Looking up, his vision somehow hazy, Kusuo met a familiar pair of earth-brown eyes.
"Yusuke?" His voice slurred, still high as he was on Chiyo's brilliance.
"That's right, kid." He reached around Kusuo's back to cup the hands clutching Chiyo's soul. "Easy, now." He gently pulled Kusuo's hands apart, widening the buffer between her orb and his energy-coated palms. The heady warmth dimmed, and Kusuo fought to close his hands tightly around her soul once again, but Yusuke was stronger.
"Don't fight me, Kusuo," Yusuke warned, though his voice was calm and soothing. "She's your friend, right? You don't want to hurt her."
That sent a jolt through Kusuo, loosening his thoughts from the needy impulse that drove him to have—bind—possess. He forced his muscles to relax and let Yusuke guide his cupped hands down to Chiyo's stomach, well away from the dun yellow gem that had imprisoned her.
"That's right," Yusuke coaxed. "Nice and easy."
Kusuo let the rounded belly of Chiyo's plum-sized soul orb touch her skin before slowly rotating his hands from the sides of the orb to the top. Yusuke pulled back a little, shifting his touch from the backs of Kusuo's hands to his forearms. He applied a subtle pressure that reminded Kusuo that he was supposed to push the soul slowly down and not gather it back up.
"Easy, Kusuo," Yusuke said as the orb sank slowly beneath Chiyo's skin and back into her body where it belonged. "Let her remember where she is. Let her acclimate. Don't hurry her and don't force her. Remember, you don't want to hurt her."
Kusuo let his pillow of soul energy sink into Chiyo's body as he pressed down on her soul orb, easing it deeper and deeper into her core until his palms were touching the blood-soaked fabric of her shirt. He hesitated at the feel of her rent skin under his. Her body was so damaged; surely it would be better for her to abandon it. Surely, he could keep her safer and happier and warmer inside his own uninjured body. It would surely be for the better if he just pulled her soul back out and—
"Let go, Kusuo." Yusuke's gentle, coaxing tone had acquired a spine of steel. "She's safe now. Let her go."
Reluctantly, Kusuo peeled the tendrils of his soul energy from Chiyo's soul orb and drew it back into himself. There was a long, almost painful stretch as the last bit of his soul clung to hers, and he wanted so badly to go back, to sink himself inside of her if it couldn't be the other way around. He pushed his soul forward.
Two unyielding hands grasped Kusuo by the shoulders and physically yanked him away from Chiyo. His soul separated from hers with an almost audible snap, and they both cried out from shock and pain. The return of his soul energy reverberated inside Kusuo's chest like a snapped rubber band on tender skin, and he groaned.
"You bastard!" Shun lunged, his right hand aimed for Kusuo's throat, but Kurama forced him back down with both hands on Shun's shoulders.
"Calm down, Kaidoh-kun. Yumehara-san is fine."
"The hell she is!" He looked back down at Chiyo, who was writhing and whimpering as she clutched her chest with the hand Shun wasn't holding.
"Yumehara!" Shun said. "Yumehara, say something."
"H-hurts…" she managed between clenched teeth, and Kusuo's stomach plummeted at the sight of the tears running down her cheeks.
Is that because of me…?
"She's in pain because of her wounds!" Botan shoved her way forward, her palms already glowing blue. "Let me heal her or she'll go into shock!"
"Teruhashi," Yusuke said, spinning Kusuo around and shoving him in her direction. "Take Kusuo back to your room. He's completely drained, and…probably a bit shellshocked."
"Shellshocked?" Kokomi asked, her arms closing around Kusuo's waist as he allowed himself to practically hang off her. "Why?"
She has no idea what I did, Kusuo realized, suppressing a shudder of…relief? Terror? She doesn't know how I felt.
"Just go, please," Yusuke said. "I'll explain later; if Kusuo doesn't tell you first."
Kusuo let Kokomi lead him away from Chiyo—whose pained cries pierced him to the quick—and through the ruined portion of the main house to reach their bedroom, which was fortunately on the opposite side.
He felt Chiyo's pain as if it was his own. Felt every bruise sink back into ruptured capillaries, every skin cell reseal, and every cracked or broken bone knit back together. Except he didn't feel it on his body; he felt it like a firebrand on his soul. His soul ached because Chiyo was in pain and that made his heart ache because as much as he cared about Chiyo as a friend, he shouldn't be feeling this for her. Not when he loved Kokomi.
He carried Chiyo inside him; the feeling of her never faded no matter how far they walked.
By the time they reached their room, Kusuo was sweating and panting from the feel of Chiyo's pain and his emotional self-flagellation.
"Here." Kokomi eased Kusuo onto their shared futon and gently peeled him out of his rank training clothes. "I'll get a wet cloth for you. Just relax here, okay?"
She stood at the same moment another pang of Chiyo's pain echoed through his soul. His hand shot out of its own accord and latched onto her wrist.
"Don't go."
Kokomi turned, surprised. "Kusuo?"
"Please." He laced their fingers together, tugging her gently forward. "Don't go."
"I wasn't leaving," she said even as she sunk beside him on the mattress.
"I need to feel you."
Kokomi blushed from the tip of her head to the tops of her pale, bare feet. But she didn't refuse him. She actually reached for the ties of her hakama.
"No!" Kusuo said, embarrassment burning him up. "I didn't mean…" He shook his head, no doubt at all that he looked like a cooked lobster, and opened his arms. "I just…I need you close. I need to hold you."
"Oh." Kokomi untied her hakama and kicked them off, but he knew it was only to make herself more comfortable. She crawled into his open arms and settled beside him on the bed, not seeming to care that he hadn't bathed properly in weeks.
"You don't need to ask, you know." She placed a hand over his heart. "I'm all yours. Whenever, wherever, and however you need me."
He clutched her hand to his chest, his other arm cradling her to his side. "I need you inside me. You're the only one I need inside of me."
She squeaked at that—it wasn't like she could understand what he meant—but didn't protest. She just laid there and let him hold her until Chiyo's pain finally faded from his soul. Relieved, Kusuo relaxed in Kokomi's arms and let himself drift to sleep.
#
Chiyo.
It was Kusuo's very first conscious thought as sleep fled from his brain like a shadow pinned by a spotlight. His eyes flew open to lock unseeingly on the ceiling as the feeling of her inside him pulsed low and soft and warm. She felt much better now; the pain was gone. He reached out with his inner self to caress the ball of warmth she'd left inside of him, feeling it for cracks or bruises as he ensured its ethereal light glowed without dimness or blemish.
A soft hum and sigh at his side made Kusuo stiffen. His eyes darted from the ceiling to the futon where he found Kokomi smiling contentedly as she snuggled against his bare chest. Guilt and self-disgust writhed in his chest as he traced her face with his gaze. How could he possibly be thinking of another woman when Kokomi was right here?
Right here…?
Yuuta! Kusuo drew a ragged gasp that rattled Kokomi to consciousness. She gurgled something unintelligible as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Kusuo?" she slurred, blinking long and slow. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." But he clutched her tight enough that she squawked in surprise as he curled around her and buried his face in her hair. She held him back, and though her ear was pressed to his chest, she didn't question his pounding heart. He was grateful she didn't ask because if she didn't ask, he wouldn't have to hurt her with the truth.
That his heart was pounding not in desire for her or fear for Yuuta, but in response to his thoughts of Chiyo.
Why is this happening? He demanded with clenched teeth. His whole body quivered with the need to climb out of bed and check on Chiyo to make sure she really was okay and assure her that he was there for her, that he would never abandon her. He clutched Kokomi tighter.
"Kusuo?" Her voice was muffled against his shoulder, and he resisted as she placed her hands on his chest and pushed him gently away. "Are you okay?"
"I love you," he blurted the words without thought or care because he needed the reminder. He needed to say the words out loud because, if he did, maybe that would be enough to stop his soul from stretching and aching for Chiyo.
Kokomi's jaw dropped. "What?"
"I love you." He rolled them over, pressing her into the futon as he hovered over her on his elbows. He shifted his weight and cupped her cheek with one hand. "I should have told you before. I should have told you every day for the last—" He caught himself before referencing a number of years she couldn't comprehend and said instead, "—since the school year began. But I'm slow; I didn't understand how I felt because I've never felt love like this before. And I never will again," he said more to his own traitorous soul than to Kokomi.
He tilted Kokomi's chin up so they were eye-to-eye, and the utter bewilderment on her face cut him deep. Were his words really such a shock? Had she really not known how much he cared for her? That he cherished her? Anger swelled in his belly, and he clenched his teeth. Did she think he was some cad who would sleep with a woman he had no feelings for?
"…Kusuo," Kokomi said, her hand coming up to cradle his against her face. "What's wrong?"
"…What's wrong?" The venom in his voice made her flinch. "I tell you that I love you and you ask me what's wrong?"
"It's just…you're not the kind of person to say things like this," Kokomi said. "And you've been out of sorts since Chiyo—"
"Don't say her name," Kusuo snapped. "Just…just don't."
If possible, Kokomi's eyes went even wider. "Kusuo—"
A knock on their door cut her off, and Kusuo growled, "What?"
"It's time for that talk, kiddies," Yusuke said through the door. "Open up."
"Go away," Kusuo said, situating himself more firmly over Kokomi when she tried to slip out of the futon. He pinned her with a stern frown. "We're not done yet."
"That wasn't a suggestion or a question, Kusuo," Yusuke said. "You have thirty seconds to make yourselves descent."
"We're busy!" Kusuo glared at the door.
"Thirty. Twenty-nine. Twenty-eight."
"Kusuo," Kokomi said, her voice and expression bleeding discomfort. "I think he's serious."
"Dead serious," Yusuke agreed before continuing his countdown. "Twenty-six. Twenty-five. Twenty-four."
"I'm not wearing pants," Kokomi hissed at Kusuo. "And you're not wearing…" she looked him over with a sudden, adorably blotchy blush, "…anything."
"Twenty-three. Twenty-two. Twenty-one."
Growling, Kusuo let Kokomi go and rolled off his futon. He stomped to their shared dresser and yanked it open. A plethora of clothing greeted his surprised eyes: underwear, socks, shirts, pants. None of it looked borrowed, but he didn't recognize any of it either. His brow furrowed, he cast a questioning glance over his shoulder. Kokomi shrugged as she pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt she'd left folded beside the futon—probably to change into after her morning workout.
"We needed clothes," she said in response to his unasked question. "Yukina-san and Keiko-san were kind enough to take me into town."
Looking back at the drawer, Kusuo felt his heart swell with unexpected emotion. Like she'd done at the hotel in Universal Studios Japan, she had separated his pants, shirts, and socks into coordinated outfits, and his new boxers were all neatly folded and lined up for easy access. It was so perfectly domestic, and the realization that she had been thinking about him and him alone as she sat on the floor folding and stacking these clothes that she had specifically and deliberately bought for him almost brought tears to his eyes.
Because despite the undisputed proof of her love and care for him, he still couldn't shake the overwhelming pull of Chiyo's soul.
"Damn it," Kusuo muttered as he snagged a pair of boxers and yanked them on. He felt so jittery. So…so incomplete. And that was not something he should ever feel with Kokomi standing so near him.
"Twelve. Eleven. Ten." Yusuke continued through the door, and Kusuo shot a glare his way before pulling on the first pants and shirt outfit he laid his hands on. "Just come in, Yusuke."
Wait, was Kokomi still dressing?
"No, wait—!" Kusuo said, spinning with a hand toward the door as it slid open. Yusuke stopped dead in the doorframe, but Kusuo didn't have time to dwell on his bewildered frown as he searched out Kokomi. Why the hell hadn't he thought to check on her before telling Yusuke to come in?
"I'm good," Kokomi said, buttoning the last button on her shirt, but rather than relief, a lump of guilt and self-loathing lodged in his throat.
"I'm sorry." He crossed to her to brush a hand over her arm beneath her shirt's short left sleeve. "I should have made sure."
"It's okay." She took his hand in both of hers and pressed a gentle kiss to his knuckles. "I know your mind is somewhere else."
And that was the exact wrong thing to say.
"My everything is right here," he snapped, yanking his hand from hers. He whipped around to shoot a glare at Yusuke. "What do you want?"
Yusuke's amused smirk looked oddly strained as he said, "Feeling a bit frazzled, Kusuo?"
"What. Do. You. Want?"
"Sit down, kids," Yusuke said, side-stepping the question, and the compassion in his voice only cranked Kusuo's agitation up to eleven. "We need to talk."
"You—"
"Kusuo," Yusuke said, his tone unyielding and his aura overwhelming. "Sit."
Kusuo sat on the unmade futon in lotus, the action second nature after their months together in Demon's Door Cave. Kokomi sat beside him, a bit less sure, and gave Yusuke her full attention. Yusuke dropped to the tatami mat floor with one leg drawn up and draped casually by his arm. He looked at them both for a long moment before heaving a sigh and dragging a hand through his hair.
"I'm guessing by your wild-eyed panic and her wild-eyed bewilderment that you didn't tell her what happened," Yusuke said. "Not the best idea to start off a new relationship by avoiding important, life-altering details, but I get where you're coming from."
Kusuo stiffened, his eyes shooting first to Kokomi then to Yusuke before darting away from them both. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, please. It's obvious what happened with Yumehara freaked you out—"
"Don't talk about her!" Kusuo half rose with his surge of panic. If Kokomi found out what he'd done…
"I don't understand," Kokomi said, looking between the two men. "What happened with Chiyo? Kusuo put her soul back in, right? Did something go wrong? Is she not okay?"
Kusuo's panic shifted gears, and he instinctually wrapped his soul around the shard of Chiyo's he now held inside of him. He probed it for damage or distress, but everything was fine; he was pretty sure she was sleeping.
"Yes and no," Yusuke said, jerking his chin in Kusuo's direction. "Same for this kid. Because when Kusuo put Yumehara's soul back, they got tangled up—"
"Yusuke!" Kusuo interrupted in panicked anger. Yusuke glared, his aura flaring, and Kusuo's whole body locked up at the sudden wave of bloodlust.
"Do not interrupt me again."
Unable to combat Yusuke's overwhelming aura, Kusuo had no choice but to clamp his jaw shut and glower.
"As I was saying," Yusuke said, turning back to Kokomi. "When Kusuo put Yumehara's soul back into her body, they got tangled up. I pulled them apart before they could be completely merged, but a few pieces of soul were too tied up to separate." Yusuke pointed to Kusuo. "Basically, this kid has some of Yumehara still inside of him while Yumehara still has some of him inside of her."
Kusuo's stomach churned at Yusuke's too-blatant statement. He couldn't look at Kokomi; couldn't witness her heartbreak or disgust.
"Oh," Kokomi said at last, sounding only slightly surprised if anything. "I see…hm…"
Against his will, Kusuo glanced Kokomi's way with a frown. Didn't she understand what this meant? Yumehara was a part of him now; a part of him that he could never erase. Didn't that bother her at all?
"But they're okay, right?" Kokomi asked, sparing Kusuo a compassionate glance. "It didn't hurt them?"
"It didn't hurt," Yusuke said. "Well, not a permanent hurt, anyway. The moment of separation probably sucked since I had to literally rip them apart, but there's not gonna be lasting damage, if that's what you're worried about."
Kokomi breathed out a relieved sigh, her whole body relaxing. "That's good."
"How are you so calm?" Kusuo burst out, frustration and fear actually raising tears to rim his eyes. The sensation of being so near to tears—something that had never happened to him even once in his life—startled Kusuo into a sudden realization: something was wrong with his emotions.
Yusuke smirked at him, amusement oozing from his suppressed aura. "Feeling a bit emotional, kid?"
Kusuo glared but stayed silent. Yusuke laughed and raised his hands.
"Easy, I'll explain, okay?" Settling himself more comfortably with one arm thrown over his drawn-up knee, Yusuke continued, "What happened to you is called a soul bond, and while they're rare, they're not unusual. What is unusual is the way the bond happened, not that it happened at all."
"A soul bond?" Kokomi said, and there was an underlying sliver of nervousness to her tone. She was finally starting to realize the reality of what had happened, and it was obvious that she wasn't liking the direction Yusuke's explanation was taking.
"That's right." Yusuke held out his right hand, palm up, and concentrated energy over it. But rather than blue spirit energy or red demon energy, what appeared over his palm was a prism of entangled light that seemed engaged in a cheery dance, though some of the colors were more prominent than others—bronze, green, red, and gold stood out starkly, but there were a few others mixed in that Kusuo couldn't quite make out.
"This is soul energy," Yusuke said, the energy already beginning to dim. "It's hard to hold onto and even harder to harness because the soul has a will of its own, but if you know enough about it, you can make it show up for at least a second."
The lights went out as if on cue, and Yusuke dropped his hand back over his knee. "The colors you saw come from the soul shards I carry; they're proof of the soul bonds I created with my friends."
"Soul bonds?" Kokomi asked. "As in, more than one?"
"That's right." Yusuke looked straight at Kusuo as he said the next part. "People have this crazy idea that soul bonds are a romantic thing, like the only people you can share part of your soul with are the people you want in your bed, but that's actually the least common case where soul bonds are concerned."
Relief sucker punched Kusuo so hard, he almost gasped.
"So, then, soul bonds aren't romantic?" Kokomi asked, side-eying Kusuo with her own relief visible on her face.
"They can be, the one you two share probably is at least a bit, but most aren't," Yusuke said. "And the one Kusuo has with Yumehara definitely isn't."
"What did you say?" Kusuo demanded. "Who has a romantic bond?"
"Don't be dense, Kusuo, you know I'm talking about you and your girl, here." Yusuke motioned between them. "Your bond is so strong, it's caused your auras to merge. Not a lot, but enough that the colors are mingled."
Kusuo pressed a hand to his chest and looked down, as if he could somehow see Kokomi's soul shard inside of him.
"…I don't feel her," he said, reluctance softening his voice to almost a whisper.
"Of course not!" Yusuke laughed. "Do you notice the tip of your nose when you see? It's always there, so you just overlook it. Your bond with this girl has grown so gradually over the years that it's just become a part of you. Eventually, the bond you share with Chiyo will feel that way too, but because the bond was formed so suddenly and violently, you're hyper-aware of her in a way you've never been of Teruhashi. Things will settle down in a few days, and you'll stop getting the side effects."
"Side effects?" Kokomi said, alarmed. "I thought you said they were okay?"
"They are," Yusuke assured her. "There's just some…soul leakage, for the lack of a better term. Or haven't you noticed that Kusuo's not exactly himself right now? A bit too clingy, maybe? Or unusually affectionate?"
Kokomi blushed, her eyes diverting shyly. "Maybe a bit."
Yusuke nodded. "I figured. I don't know Yumehara that well, but she strikes me as the kind of girl to wear her heart on her sleeve. When she wakes up, you'll probably find her oddly subdued and reticent for a few days while she adjusts, but don't worry, they'll both go back to normal sooner than later. But in the meantime," Yusuke waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "you should have some fun with your emotionally needy boy-toy."
Kokomi's demure blush exploded into a fiery glow.
"Yusuke," Kusuo growled, abruptly and uncomfortably aware that the burst of embarrassed anger he felt was not something that would normally afflict him. He definitely did not like the idea of Chiyo messing with his emotions; however unwittingly done.
Yusuke laughed. "Relax, kiddies. Don't get your panties in a bunch." Pushing to his feet, Yusuke looked down at the pair with an easy grin. "We done here? Or do you have more questions?"
Kusuo and Kokomi shared a glance, and for the first time, Kusuo was aware of a warm ethereal…something…deep in his chest that let him know how Kokomi was feeling if not specifically what she was thinking. How long had that been a thing? And how had he not noticed it before?
"No," Kusuo said at last, gathering from the gentle glow in his chest that Kokomi was satisfied, if still a bit confused. "We're fine."
"All righty, then." Yusuke offered the pair a two-fingered salute. "Guess I'll leave you to it. You know where to find me if you change your mind."
Silence reigned in Yusuke's wake, but Kusuo had no idea how to break it. Part of him wanted to burst out with an apology, but he swallowed the urge. Now that he knew the surge of emotions he felt weren't his, it was easier to suppress the need to indulge them.
"Did you mean it?" Kokomi's voice was so soft, Kusuo almost didn't hear her. He turned to her, one eyebrow quirked in question.
"You said you love me," Kokomi clarified. "Did you mean it?"
She looked so utterly vulnerable, unable to even look at him when she asked, that Kusuo couldn't help the swelling in his chest that welled up from two fronts. Three, actually; he did have a soul of his own, after all.
"Aa," he said simply, unable to stay silent but unwilling to say more. The joy that blossomed on her face was more than enough to make up for the uncomfortable vulnerability his soul bonds had urged him to indulge.
But when she didn't say anything in response, that uncomfortable vulnerability only intensified. He almost squirmed with the need for her to speak; to confirm aloud what he'd been hearing in her head for years. Unable to look at her for the feelings she evoked, Kusuo turned his head away and ordered away the blush he felt burning the back of his neck and tips of his ears.
"And?" he said at last, pushed into it by his unstable emotions. Kokomi's laugh was soft, bright, and unmistakably happy.
"Of course I love you," she said, voicing the words aloud for the first time since she fell for him all those years ago. "Did you really doubt it?"
Not pleased with her teasing, Kusuo grunted a bland reply—Don't overdo the masculine bravado just because Chiyo's soul is messing with yours—and held out a hand. Kokomi slid into his arms with a contented sigh, her ear resting right over his pounding heart. They sat in silence for a long moment as Kusuo worked Chiyo's soul through his system. Now that he knew Kokomi was there too, nestled so deeply inside of him that it was no wonder he'd never noticed her, it was easier to accept Chiyo into his soul. And, really, there were far worse people he could have accidentally bonded with. At least he liked and respected Chiyo.
The sensation of someone else echoed through him, and Kusuo frowned. Did he have another soul bond? Who with?
Probing deeper into his own soul, Kusuo pushed past the comforting pulse of Kokomi's indigo shard and beyond. How had he formed a soul bond with someone that ran this deep?
It must be mom, Kusuo thought, because who else could it be? No one else he knew could have embedded themselves so deeply into his soul in only the six short years since Kusuo had begun to let people in.
The shard Kusuo found was enormous and a bright, almost ethereal green shot through with veins of pale but luminous pink. He recognized it instantly but couldn't understand why it was there. Sure, Kusuo had always felt a weird draw toward Yuuta, but how could their bond be so deep as to form such a foundational anchor in Kusuo's own soul?
And then realization—shoved aside by the horror of the raided compound and his emotional instability over his soul bond with Chiyo—crashed over Kusuo like an ocean wave in midwinter.
"Yuuta," Kusuo breathed, horrified.
Yuuta was gone; spirited away by Akemi Homura.
And somehow, Kusuo had totally and completely forgotten about him.
Kaliea: I realize that some people will feel Kusuo is out of character in this chapter (he literally is), but I promise it's important. Besides, emotional Kusuo was fun to write :P
