Part Four
Chapter Forty-Six
I realize you all think I've been wildly out of character for the last several chapters, so let's break things down to a manageable degree for all of us.
Being an all-powerful psychic is the worst—I know you know this because you've made it this far into my life and seen all the crap I've had to deal with—but the absolute worst of it is not having any sense of emotion.
Sure, I could feel some things some of the time; I've been angry and irritated and shocked on occasion, and that first time Nendou turned to stone, I'll admit to being genuinely worried he might break a second time, but those emotions are so fleeting they're almost unreal. I always knew what people were thinking as they thought it, so motivations and desires rarely took me by surprise. And on the few occasions they did, I usually struggled to handle it because I'd never felt that way before.
(The literal rocking of my grandfather's world out of anger comes forefront to my mind.)
And that, right there, is the worst part of my powers because of what happened when I got rid of my powers. All of the sudden, I didn't know anything the way I used to. Sure, I could guess, but I can't know. How can I without telepathy? Or clairvoyance? Or foresight? Thoughtography?
For the first time in my life, I'm living completely blind. And yes, I still have my literal sight, but what does that matter? I rarely ever saw the real world before anyway.
So, yeah, I'm out of character. But I'm also scrambling as best I can in a world that's gone to complete and utter shit. Judge me all you want, but when your world ends, we'll see if you do any better than me.
If Only for Tonight
It was almost midnight before the after-party dissolved enough for Kusuo to spirit his bride away to their room. Kokomi leaned against him as they walked, her eyes drooping and her whole body listing tiredly. He wanted nothing more than to let her sleep—even this early, pregnancy was exhausting—but they needed to talk.
Kokomi's foot caught on a dip in the floor meant for a removable screen door, and she lurched forward with a yelp. Kusuo snagged her around the waist and shoulders and slammed her back against his chest. His heart thundered as he clung to her and ordered it to calm down.
"Kusuo?"
Kusuo folded around her, teeth clenched as his right hand probed her stomach with a gentle spirit wave. The babies tapped back with their minuscule spirit energy. He released a harsh breath, dropping his forehead to Kokomi's shoulder.
"Shit." How could he possibly let her join the attack on Dark Reunion if he panicked over her tripping in the hall?
Kokomi turned in his arms and reached up to take his face in both hands. "We're okay, you know."
"What if you weren't?" Kusuo demanded, already talking well beyond the moment. "What if you were injured and the babies got hurt? What if you died?"
"No one dies from tripping in the hall, Kusuo," Kokomi said, but the gravity in her voice told Kusuo she wasn't talking about the present either. "And even if I could, you were here to catch me."
"But what if I wasn't? I'm not always with you. If we get separated—"
"Then I'll just have to pay better attention." Stepping back, Kokomi took Kusuo's hand and led him the last few steps to their room. She slid the door closed behind him before speaking again. "There are always things that happen outside of our control. Worrying about what-ifs doesn't do anything but make it impossible to live."
"Some things don't have to be controlled if they're avoided." Kusuo dropped crosslegged onto their shared futon while Kokomi changed into her sleep yukata.
Kneeling with her back to him, Kokomi closed the dresser drawer with a sigh. "Kusuo…"
Neither spoke for a long moment. Then, unexpectedly, Kokomi's back straightened, and she spun around with an almost manic gleam in her eyes.
"Kusuo!"
He stiffened on instinct. "What?"
"Do you love me?"
"W-what?!"
Kokomi waved a dismissive hand. "It's a yes or no question. Do you love me?"
He frowned. "Kokomi."
She nodded firmly. "Will you do something for me, then?"
"Aa." She should know by now that he would do anything for her.
Shuffling forward on her knees, Kokomi took his left hand with both of hers and held it to her heart. "Don't go tomorrow. Please."
Kusuo blanched.
Kokomi pressed closer, nearly touching her nose with his. "Please, Kusuo. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you. I need you to promise you'll stay here, where it's safe."
"Kokomi…I…" Good God, there were tears in her eyes. How could he possibly deny her, and yet, it was impossible to agree. "I…"
Kokomi's watery expression firmed up, and she frowned. "You can't, right? You have to go because you need to save Yuuta." Letting go of his hand with her right, she pressed her palm against her chest. "How could you ask me to do something that you can't do yourself?"
Anger scorched his heart, and Kusuo rotated his hand to grab her wrist. "It's not the same, and you know it!"
"Why not?" She jabbed his chest with one finger. "How is it different, huh? How!"
"Because you're pregnant!"
"And you're the father!" Her tears returned, this time spilling down her cheeks until she angrily swiped them away with her free hand. "You would be devastated if something happened to me, I know you would because I feel the same way about you! And yes, I know—Kusuo, I know—that we have more to lose if something happens to me," she pressed her palm to her stomach and looked up at him with imploring, teary eyes, "but you said yourself, right? What if?"
Kusuo's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
"What if Dark Reunion attacks the compound again?" Kokomi said. "What if, while you and the others are at ground zero, a dozen or more of them break off and launch a counterattack here? What if you can't get here in time and something happens to me? What if the babies and I die because you made me stay here? What then, Kusuo? Will you feel better for making me stay?"
"Damn it!" Ripping away from her, Kusuo jumped to his feet to pace. He knew she wasn't wrong; not completely. The odds of Dark Reunion attacking the compound weren't high, but it was still possible. And this time, all the demon students who had been at-hand during the first attack would be gone; off to Demon World to compete in the tournament to determine the new king. Kokomi only survived the first time because there was so much buffer between her and Dark Reunion. With that buffer gone, Kokomi would absolutely be killed.
But what if Kokomi goes on the mission and the temple isn't attacked? She'd be putting herself in harm's way for nothing.
What if she goes on the mission and it is? Chiyo countered. Would you be grateful to have her along then?
Privacy, Chiyo!
I'm just saying you should think about it.
"Leave!" From the corner of his eye, Kusuo saw Kokomi flinch and step back. She blinked, bewildered, and he cursed.
"No, Kokomi, I wasn't talking to you." Releasing a seething breath between his teeth, Kusuo closed his eyes to recenter himself before opening them and holding out his hand. "Come here. Please."
Kokomi inched forward, her eyes flitting between his face and his hand. Kusuo stepped closer to meet her tentative hand with a firm grip. He pulled her into his arms and breathed in her familiar scent. They stood there for a long while, just holding each other, until Kusuo couldn't stay quiet.
"You're right," he said. "What ifs go both ways. If you stayed and something happened, I wouldn't feel any differently than if you came along and something happened."
"…It's the same for me, you know."
"…I know."
Another long silence stretched between them until Kokomi said, "I know you're right. Odds are, nothing will happen if I stay here. You'll go out, play hero, and come back with Yuuta, and I'll be just the way you left me. But Kusuo," she looked up at him, her lower lip quivering, "what if you go out there and need me?"
It was on the tip of Kusuo's tongue to say "I wouldn't," but that was wholly untrue. Whether he needed her physical assistance or not, Kusuo would always need her, and saying he didn't—even in a single context—was impossible.
"What I mean is," Kokomi continued, "when you find Yuuta, Akemi Homura will be there. If you're separated from the others, you'll have to protect him while you fight her, but if I'm there, I can get him to safety."
Pressing a hand to his face, Kusuo sighed. "Kokomi—"
"Kusuo." Kokomi took his hand, uncovering his face, and pressed a pleading kiss to his knuckles. "For better or worse." She looked up at him through damp lashes, but her eyes flashed with indigo fire. "Or didn't you mean it?"
He turned his hand to cradle her cheek. "If anything happened to you…"
"Then protect me." She held his hand against her face, nuzzling his palm and pressing a kiss to the base of his thumb. "And I'll protect you." Her free hand fell to her stomach. "And together, we'll protect our family. All of them."
"I love you."
Kokomi blushed. "Is this going to be a thing with you now? Telling me you love me?"
Chuckling, Kusuo pressed a kiss to her lips. "Only until Chiyo's soul settles down."
That he and Chiyo had already retained their original personalities with hardly any holdover was something he could keep to himself, if only for tonight.
Still blushing, Kokomi looped her arms around his neck. "I guess I'd better enjoy it while I can."
"Aa." Kusuo lowered her to the futon as if she were a glass ornament. He knew she was stronger than that—she was probably the strongest person he knew—but he wasn't. He touched her with feather-light hands, ghosting his fingers up her thighs, hips, and waist to tug her obi. The bow slid open with the smoothness of satin, and he reverenced every prolonged second.
"Kusuo." Kokomi gasped as his fingers touched her bare skin, and she clung to him with a coaxing strength that almost undid him. But he couldn't rush this; not tonight. Instead, he loved her slowly and tenderly, even more so than their first night together. And if he cried a little, his pride was spared as Kokomi didn't notice.
After, Kokomi curled into his side, her head on his shoulder, and held him in a vice grip as she slept, daring him to leave her behind. As if he could.
No wonder all but one of the futures Yamato saw ended with her coming along, Kusuo thought as he rolled onto his back, left arm tucked behind his head while his right arm stayed outstretched as Kokomi's pillow. I'm a sap.
Fortunately, there was no response from Chiyo—echo or not, that would be extremely unnerving—but if there was, he knew she'd agree with him.
But then, it wasn't like Kusuo could really avoid it. Tsundere ran through both sides of his family. If his grandfather had it and his father had it and his brother had it, what were the odds that Kusuo would escape it?
Propping himself up on his arm still cradling Kokomi's head, Kusuo stroked his free hand down his wife's body until his palm settled over her bare belly where his pink button down had ridden up.
"What do you think?" Kusuo whispered to his children. "Am I just as bad as my old man?"
Honestly, Kusuo was probably worse, if only because he now had the power to ensure nothing could ever hurt his wife or children.
Only if you're there to stop it.
Kusuo flinched. That hadn't been Chiyo's voice, but rather his own insecurities bubbling up. How could they not? He hadn't been there to save his father or spare his mother the pain of that loss. He hadn't been there to save Yuuta's parents, and certainly not Yuuta himself. It was by sheer miracle that Kokomi and the twins were still alive, and who was to say that would last? And not just because he'd agreed—however reluctantly—to have Kokomi join the mission tomorrow. She was right in saying she was in just as much danger at the compound. Or if they got separated.
Or say everything turned out exactly right and they went on with their merry lives, who could predict whether she would cross the street at the wrong time and be hit by a bus? Or struck by lightning in a freak storm? Or come down with an incurable disease?
Life was unpredictable in the worst ways, and dwelling on the negatives would do nothing but drive Kusuo to an early grave. Whether out of worry or because Kokomi finally smothered him in his sleep for being so overprotective, who could say?
A wry smirk quirked Kusuo's lips, and he sent a gentle pulse of spirit energy into Kokomi's stomach. The twins bounced it back, however lightly, and Kusuo knew they would be strong. Maybe even stronger than him.
"I'll protect you," he promised. "Even after I teach you to protect yourselves."
Laying back down, Kusuo wrapped his arm around Kokomi's middle and drew her to his chest. She snuggled into him, sighing with a happy smile on her lips, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"I'll protect them too," Kokomi murmured. "And I'll protect you, and you'll protect me, and we'll all protect each other."
"Aa," Kusuo agreed. And he finally slept.
Kaliea: So, this was supposed to go up on my birthday (July 31), but we had a huge storm at around midnight on the 30th that knocked out our power for almost four days. So I had no internet at all and had to go in and out of the house to my car to charge my phone a little at a time. Add in that it was 100+ degrees with 80%+ humidity and...yeah. Good times. Anyway, happy belated birthday to me!
PS. Still better than last year XD
