I watched in confusion as Maggie snarled at Lori, giving her some pills. I glanced at the box and knew they were abortion pills, connecting the dots silently. Something most people didn't realize was that I could easily blend in with my surroundings, observing intently and properly all the while. That must have been another reason why I wasn't often on undercover missions unless they needed a teenager. Note the sarcasm. Special ops was where it hit the strongest though, when I had to storm in or get captured cause it happens to all the best ones.
"That was not cool," Glenn snapped at Maggie. I watched on in interest as she argued right back.
"What? The part where that bitch nearly got us killed?"
"You," I corrected under my breath.
"I should've gone alone," Glenn muttered.
"So you could hide the fact that Lori is pregnant?" I asked casually, already having figured out portions of it.
"Yes!" Glenn answered without thinking. He paused for a moment before staring at me with horrified eyes. "No!"
"Where were you guys?" Ben stormed over worriedly. "Do you know how worried I was? All three of you just dipping out without a word?"
I clenched my fists but controlled myself, blinking hard to wake up from this drama and just be back in a normal town. Ben turned to me, anger covering up his guilt over what had happened only a few days ago.
"And you, you left without telling me or Rennie. How many times do we have to tell you-"
"How many times do I have to tell you to fuck off?" I snarled, control slipping. He blinked in response before rolling his eyes. The audacity.
"Look, I made a mistake, I did. I'm sorry about it, but that doesn't mean you can just storm off to Neverland and have us worrying about you," Ben tried a softer approach but I'd had enough. I'm tired, I'm strained, I'm pissed, I'm just done.
"Sorry? Mistake?" I stepped closer to him, feeling my body shaking as I held in my anger and strained to keep the lid on it. "Sorry doesn't cut it, Bennett. Because of your pathetic mistake and excuses, I was-"
I shut my mouth, breathing in deeply to try and calm down. "Because of your mistake, I got hurt. You acted like nothing happened and I played along to protect your reputation because I know that the moment people find out, Rennie's going to be heartbroken and you'll be kicked out of this group. I won't let you hurt him and be the final scissor that cuts off all ties between me and Rennie."
I turned on my heel and stormed out of the area, walking over to Rennie and my room. I heard Rennie snoring in the living room and saw the boy sleeping on the sofa in a sitting position, a comic book in his lap with his mouth open. I smiled softly at the young boy who looked a lot like my older brother and father before closing the comic book and putting it aside. I rubbed his soft chubby cheeks and kissed his forehead before trying to put him on my back for a piggyback ride. I stumbled forward a little but caught myself, surprised by the weight gain he'd had during the apocalypse.
I remember the first few days we ran out of food and my older brother had gotten injured from a barbed fence we were hoping to get to safety, but eventually had an infection. My younger brother was sick from hunger and I was the only one who had a fighting chance, so I took it. I'd nearly died in six different ways, but in the end, a kind man had caught me killing the walkers in a Costco, the nearest place where we could find food and medicine.
Word of advice, don't go to Costco in the middle of the apocalypse. There's gonna be a lot of people who tried that and failed.
I nearly failed as well, but the man, whose name I still don't know, had a tiger with him and managed to save me before I got mauled. I owed him a life debt, and if I ever come across him again, I would do anything to help him or repay the favor. He'd taken pity on my weak and skinny frame and given me some of his food and antibiotics for my brothers. I thanked him profusely and watched as my brothers recovered. Rennie had been so light back then, too light, that it had terrified me and Den. Now he was heavier than bricks, I'm pretty sure.
I huffed my way up the stairs, my knees creaking with protest, and I gently placed the young boy on the bed, tucking him in. I snuggled in as well, feeling warmer than before, and dozed off.
Our group sat around in silence again near the edge of the woods, eating our breakfast in silence. It's not that surprising that we're so quiet with the exception of Andrea sharpening her damned knife and making me want to stab myself in the ears. Rennie ate quietly next to me, our arguments are forgotten for the time being, and Ben sat next to T-dog, eating in silence as well and completely avoiding eye contact with me. Glenn suddenly got up and walked around in anxiousness and I was half-tempted to ask him what he did now.
"Um, guys?" Most of us just kept eating on, but some like me, looked at him in a weary and questioning way. "So… the barn is full of walkers."
A fork clattered on a plate and I groaned. "You have got to be kidding me."
He wasn't. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate this place? Nah, scratch that, I hate this world!
"You cannot tell me you're all right with this," Shane finally groaned after having looked at the barn in between the wood slabs of the door.
"No I'm not, but we're guests here. This isn't our land," Rick put his hands on his waist, thinking hard.
"This is our lives!" Shane shouted in response. I stiffened up, tempted to just let my right fist go, but Rennie was holding onto me in fear.
"Lower your voice," Glenn said softly but firmly in the way he does.
"We can't just sweep this under the rug," Andrea fanned the fire, making me want to just pick up my bags and get the hell out of this group. If I was alone, I probably would have.
"It ain't right. Not remotely. Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go. Now we have been talking about Fort Benning for a long time," Shane tried to persuade Rick again. Rick stood firmly against him.
"We can't go."
"Why, Rick? Why?" Shane half shouted in anger and frustration.
"Because my daughter is still out there." Carol, the poor woman, mentioned again.
"Okay. Okay, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility," Shane, the bitchface, started again.
"We're not leaving Sophia behind," Rick and I said in unison, one of us in a firm voice while the other snarled.
"I'm close to finding this girl. I just found her damn doll two days ago." Daryl took a few steps toward Shane, arguing in hopefulness.
"You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll," Shane sneered.
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Daryl swung his hands in frustration.
"I'm just saying what needs to be said. You get a good lead, it's in the first 48 hours, am I right, Arlynn?" Everyone turned to look at me and I sighed, hating how this guy always somehow gets me involved.
"70% of children are found between 48 to 72 hours, Deputy Walsh," I put on a professional tone for a moment, a strange feeling in my chest. "But it's Sophia, and we've got hard evidence that she's out there somewhere thanks to Mr. Dixon."
"But you know that she's not coming back," Shane nearly tore his hair out in frustration- oh wait, he shaved his head so he doesn't have hair.
"Shane, stop," Rick struggled for control.
"Let me tell you something else, man," Shane addressed Daryl. "If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction."
Daryl chose that moment to lunge at Shane, all control snapping and flying out the window. Glenn and the others started to try and stop them as well, pushing the two apart from each other. Daryl calmed down first, Ben and several others making sure he stayed calm.
"Back off! Keep your hands off me," Shane shouted at Lori. The woman watched with a hurt and exasperated expression, making me nearly snort. You brought this upon yourself, lady.
"Now just let me talk to Hershel. Let me figure it out," Rick reasoned, keeping an eye on Shane.
"What are you gonna figure out?!" Shane shouted again, pushing against Lori who put her hand on his chest and tried to push him away.
"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" I hissed, glancing at the door that was moving more violently now. "You tryna say 'woohoo, c'mon out and get a free sample and buffet out here~' to the fucking walkers?"
I heard people snort and cough to cover it up as some others rolled their eyes or frowned at me. Whatever, they're all idiots anyway.
"If we're gonna stay, if we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land," Rick tried again, the tension still palpable.
"Hershel sees those things in there as people. Sick people. His wife, his stepson," Dale stepped up next to Rick. I frowned immediately.
"You knew?" Rick asked in disbelief, shaking his head.
"Yesterday I talked to Hershel," the old man admitted without an ounce of guilt.
"And you waited the night?" Shane, ever the wise one, pointed out the obvious in a raised voice again. I had half the mind to go over and shut him up with a punch to the throat but held it in.
"I thought we could survive one more night. We did," Dale pointed out the obvious as well, staring straight into Shane's soul. "I was waiting till this morning to say something. But Glenn wanted to be the one."
"The man is crazy, Rick if Hershel thinks those things are alive or no-" The chains rattled violently on the door as the walkers snarled and growled even louder than before. We all turned to stare at the unstable door, an unexplainable expression on our faces.
"I told you so," I spoke quietly but everyone heard me.
TWD S2 TWDTWDTWDTWD
I winced internally as Glenn got egged by Maggie like the dum dum he was. Couldn't he tell that it wasn't a good thing to give her his precious hat when she was all mad? Good thing I had a spare.
"We need to talk," Ben came up to me, swiping the rim of his visor habitually. I folded my arms and stared up at him.
"Talk," I simply said. He sighed, looking around to see that no one was anywhere near us.
"I'm sorry," he finally wrestled out. "It wasn't right of me, but you have to understand."
"I don't have to understand anything," I retaliated with a steady and cold voice.
"Jaeyeon-ah," Ben brought my name up in Korean which had an American accent. "Please."
"Yah," I growled back. "Neega muondae-" (Hey, who do you think you are-)
"I love you," Ben begged, finally bringing up the last words I wanted to hear from him. "I know you love me as a friend, but I think I love you as something more than that. I love you, Lynnie."
I gaped at him as he looked at me with so much emotion that it made me want to choke. I struggled for him, tried to find an answer within me, to see him and me together, but I really couldn't. Every single time I tried to picture myself on a date or something with someone, it was never Ben, it was Glenn. And just the thought of him made me relax and feel warm from the inside like I was standing by a hearth and had a cup of hot chocolate. And something clicked in my head. I didn't like Glenn or feel attracted to him, no. I loved Glenn. I loved his dorkiness, the way he would flush a little whenever I smiled at him, the way he would stare at me in awe whenever I would laugh, and the way he would always put me next to him, giving me the option to fight as well. He would never lock me up and try to go off on his own, not by his own will. I loved him like I had loved Jake.
"I don't love you," I flinched inwardly as Ben stepped back like he was slapped. "I'm sorry, but to me, you are my best friend and brother, and I don't think you acting like that a few days ago helped the case."
"I regret it, okay? Can't you give me another chance? Let me prove it to you, let me show you," Ben pleaded earnestly, his eyes shining in hurt and desperation. I looked down at the floor when he said this, not wanting to see his hurt even more. I made a move to get away from him, but he pulled me against him and tilted my head up, kissing me fervently.
Pleading, pain, promise, grief, and passion flowed through me, but I pushed him away, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. A crack echoed through the air as I slapped him with a pained expression. Before he and I could do anything further, a fist came flying at him from our left. He stumbled back in surprise, letting me go, and I collapsed onto the floor, shaky. Why would he do this to me? How could he do this to me? Is it my fault? Someone gently grabbed my chin and made me look up and I made eye contact with Glenn, the last person I wanted to see right now, and he wordlessly hugged me, hiding me from view as I shook in his arms, the sounds of fists flying and shouting echoing behind his shoulder. Daryl was straddling Ben as he punched him repeatedly, and Rick and Shane running over from somewhere with T-dog and the others. I watched in horror as the last thing I wanted happening happened in front of me and Rennie stood some distance away from us, white-faced in horror and watching as his idol coughed blood on the ground, still getting pounded by the hunter.
"It's okay," Glenn shifted his body so I wouldn't see what was happening anymore and I would only see him. "Don't look, it's okay. It's not your fault. You're safe."
And for the first time in years, I believed those words.
