Identity quest 2.0
As it turned out Sanatana was living in... a cave, apparently.
Well...it was not really a cave, it was a door on a boulder that happened to be rather close to a place called Kusum-Sarovara, near Govardhana hill. And in the door was a cave-like room with a computer (that worked with magic, apparently), a bed, and a camping stove.
Sanatana had laid Zero in his bed after washing his feet, and sprinkling the water on his head. Then, after washing his hand, went to the stove and...
Made milk... and plenty of sugar.
As in...He made a white substance flow from his metacarpal to a pot and...sugar.
He turned to the damaged and still shaken reploid. "Gotta love monster magic, am I right?"
Zero remained silent, still staring at the skeleton... at Sanatana.
'wait...didn't my hallucination tell me to look for him?' Zero openly stared at the impossible being...the animated bones of a human.
He had no lungs, no flesh...he was just a pile of bones...a pile of bones that had, for lack of a better word, exorcised an evil spirit...that had dared to desecrate his X, from his body.
He was real...meaning Phalguni was also confirmed.
Oh, Zero knew Sanatana was very real since he was on his radar. He...was marked as Unknown.
"hey...you Ok there buddy. You look like you just saw...well, yeah, you saw one." Sanatana smirked...without the aid of lips and cheeks. "Sorry about my tardiness buddy, I was just..you know, didn't want to spook a Mataji for nothing."
This was enough to snap Zero from his haze. He knew what Mata-ji meant.
It meant respectable mother, and it was a generic and polite way to call any type of female embodied servant of Krishna.
He clenched his jaw.
"Still...maybe I should've taken this chance." he turned back to his heating milk. "This Brahma-rakshasha was quite something. Take over another ensouled doll." he clicked his tongue. " Should've been a bit less hesitant, there...I'll admit. He almost caught me dead in the water." Once the milk started boiling, he took it off the small stove...and gave it to yet another Pet Rock...
Sorry...a Goverdhana-Shila.
"Here you go Lil'-giri. Some midnight milk...do you want something else with it? A cookie? Alright, what type of cookies?" he addressed the googly-eyed rock. "Ah...are you sure you want an ice cream cookie? It's cold outside and..." he began to argue with the rock, that, if he understood mandodari well, was yet another worshipable manifestation of God.
SO Krishna could be a pet rock...
sure, if a nuclear human-shaped bird managed to fix his Frame, that Omega wasn't turning India into a bloody playground and the skeletal remains of a cartoon character had exorcised a ghost...then obviously God was also a stone!
IT...it made sense...right?
"uh...You ok there buddy?" Sanatana asked, the glowing white pupil of his eyes never leaving the red reploid.
Said red reploid was currently wondering if he should just discard whatever sanity he had left and just...
just...
just...
He felt a pair of hands on his shoulder, Sanatana was looking at him with a look of pity. "Hey...Listen I know what I look like...and I know where you come from." He started as he pulled out a chair and sat in front of Zero, holding a tray with the aforementioned milk and the ice cream sandwiches...
They were green...a light green and didn't seem to melt.
Zero scowled at the sight...and the fact that, once again, somebody thought he knew him.
He jerked himself out of the skeletal limbs...
Then...Sanatana sat beside him, his gaze never leaving Zero.
They stayed like this for some minutes...then Sanatana began to speak. "So...what's your name?"
"You know it."
"No I don't...Never seen you in all my life buddy. And trust me, I have a better memory than most." Sanatana spoke with some rueful humour. "Now tell me...do you have a name or..."
"Zero."
Sanatana stared. His skeletal grin somewhat falls. "Oh...mind if I give you-"
"DWN-Infinity-0000." He gave his full designation. "But X...everyone calls me Zero."
"Wow, that... your name is Infinity?" Sanatana asked.
"No...Zero."
"Wait...I didn't quite catch that."
Zero frowned. "My name is Zero!"
The skeletal Vaishnava stared blankly at the damaged reploid, and Zero had the feeling this undead was openly making fun of him. But without any flesh and muscle to emote, Sanatana had the world's best poker face.
"So...you don't have a name."
Zero calculated that trying to reason with Sanatana would only result in more arguments.
"Johnny." Sanatana suddenly said. "Your name's now Johnny...Johnny-five."
"Johnny...five?" Zero repeated. Trying to decipher how Sanatana's mind came up with this.
The skeleton happily nodded. "Yeah, you know like in this old movie. I think it was...yeah, it was called Heart-circuit. T'was about this military robot that got hit by a lightning bolt and got a soul in, then he learned a bunch of things, including love and faked his death." He summarized. "It's a cheesy movie, totally self-indulgent. But it has a huge cult following, there was even this one guy that made an actual Johnny-five...not that Johnny-five looked as human as you." he babbled on.
"Uh-huh." Zero raised a brow...wondering what other interesting person he would meet after an animated skeleton.
"But...the second movie was absolute garbage." he finished as he took one of the ice cream sandwiches. " As for why I look like I just got out of a closet-"
"You're gay." Zero stated as neutral as possible.
Sanatana stared a bit, then burst into laughter. Slapping his knee, then once he calmed down, slapped Zero's back.
"No...I'm a skeleton. Get it. Like, A dirty secret?" Sanatana...smiled further. "and I'm beyond gay at this point, I'm lit."
"Lit?"
"yeah, like a bonefire!"
Despite himself, a smile tugged at Zero's lips. Sure he didn't get what Sanatana meant by that, but...
Well, it did get a chuckle out of him.
"But in all seriousness...I was born like this. In the Mount Ebot Hermitage."
Zero openly stared at Sanatana, his mouth slightly open.
A grave tactical error on his part, since it was all it took for Sanatana to scoop a dollop of ice cream and stuff it in the android's mouth.
Zero was about to spit it out, unwilling to have his system clogged and corroded by the icy treat when...the ice cream dissolved and entered his secondary fuel system, the one Omega had almost ruined with motor oil and hydraulic fluid.
Not his fault...it was clear his twin had no idea what he had been doing at the time.
The reploid in red had almost groaned, foreseeing a fuel line purge to get the sticky substance out when...
-FUEL ACCEPTED, TANK ONE FILLED AT 0.003% -
Zero openly gaped as Sanatana began to shamelessly feed him more...and Zero's E-tanks began to fill up.
And then came the tastes...something Zero never thought he would ever experience.
It was cold...it tasted...cold and...he had no idea what he was tasting...but it was good. And behind this symphony of sensation came...
He could taste a feeling...a sweetness that fed his soul...that gave him something...something he had been looking for all of his life
"he he he." Sanatana chuckled at the sight. " So how do you like this mint ice cream prasadam?"
"It's...good?" Zero surprised himself with those words. "It's...is that taste?" he asked.
"Yup! This ice cream is cold, minty, sweet, creamy, and smooth. You want more?" He asked as he lifted another dollop of frozen treats.
Zero gave a careful nod, not caring as to how the skeleton had managed this feat.
Sanatana ended up feeding the entire thing to the reploid, whose tank and sub-tank filled with each bite. Zero wasn't sure if he liked the cookie though, but maybe almonds, pecan and ketchup were not something he wanted.
The milk was amazing and filling. It was like sipping on high-grade energene. It was...warm, creamy, sweet...filling.
And as he drank...his tension left his frame, and he felt...drowsy.
'Ah...wait...I can't sleep now...He's from...' Zero tried to fight it off, but it seemed gravity had spontaneously increased.
He felt the cup being moved away from his lips... and Sanatana helped him down on the cot.
"It's alright Jon...you may sleep and rest as long as you want here. You are safe, you are loved, and you are falling asleep drinking your milk."
"You'r from-"
"Yes, a hermitage...just like you," Sanatana repeated. "And...we have more in common than you may think Zero. But...let's keep that talk for tomorrow. When you'll feel better." he said as but a skeletal hand on Zero's forehead, right on his gem. And affectionately ran his thumb on top of it.
For a piece of organic calcium...it was surprisingly soothing. And once again, sleep overtook Zero's system.
If nightmares once again came to cause him torment, the damaged reploid would not remember when he woke up the next day.
Sanatana sighed. Who would've thought he would meet another hermitage ward... a possessed dummy of all things.
'Nah...that's no dummy. But poor thing, a guy needs a break.' He had the same eyes as Sanatana...the same tired aura.
The same despair that never left his eyes.
He once again sighed, turning to Govardhana hill...and to Radha-Krisna sitting on a jewelled throne on one of the unmanifested peaks, their unmistakable glow, and, if the skeletal Vaishnava focused a bit, he could hear the song of the flute being played by the Lord.
"Ha! Call me all ya want Shyam...but my Swamini told me to stay here for a bit longer." No matter how much Sanatana longed to return to his eternal identity, as a young maidservant of Radha, she had not called her maidservant yet.
Sanatana paid full Dandavats to his worshipable Queen and her Beloved. And when he got up from his God Given patch of dust, Govardhana Hill was back to being merely a hundred arm length tall.
He took his phone out, it was already four fifteen, meaning Jon's mama and Swamini Mandodari must already be awake...and freaking the hell out.
Radha-ji told him Zero was an important part of their sanga.
He called them, and soon enough, Mandodari answered.
...well, she sobbed first. "Hey Mandodari, San speaking." he greeted. "Let me guess...you lost a guest."
"How...how do you know?" She asked.
"Is he blonde?"
"Yes."
"Is he a robot?"
"...yes, how do you know? and where is he?"
" Oh, he failed my captcha!" Sanatana smirked. "He was definitely a robot...can fool the Vrajavasi but not these old bones. I caught your bot; he's in quarantine at my place."
Mandodari let out a sound that resembled a sigh of relief and laughter. " Oh, thank Krishna, he found you."
"Nah...I found Zero...sorry I gave you false hope." more laughter, and San could hear Mandodari convey that, yes. Zero was found.
'Yep...Totally a hermitage name. Who in their right mind would call their kids Nothing.' Probably some overly edgy programmer.
Somebody took the phone away from the Canadian. "Where is he? How is he? Oh, thank you...thank you so much, whoever you are, you have my deepest and most sincere gratitude."
"Ah...who is it? San asked.
"Oh, I'm so sorry; I'm Uttara Devi Dasi, his adopted mother," Uttara revealed.
"Adopted you say...hmm, are you a robot?" he asked. If she said the right words...he could make a pretty awesome pun with that.
"Nope, I'm a nuclear hell corvid... Well...I'm a soul in a nuclear hell corvid." she amended.
Immediately, Sanatana's smile fell. "Wait... are you...you would be the"
"Yes, I am the Janitor of Neo-Varsana, Empress Uttara Devi Dasi at your service." she happily stated.
Sanatana remained silent for a bit.
"So...what owe us the visit of the empress of the earth?" San asked; she was in Vraja, he had heard some pilgrims...and some government official about how the most dangerous woman on the planet was planning to burn all the infidels.
Obviously, no one had broken the constitution of the Yatagarasu, and India's nuclear plants were all under Uttara's control, and last San had heard, the nuclear armament race had already been won by Uttara, and her competitor devoured. So no, the personified Brahmastra was not here to kill the so-called Muslims trying to open a slaughterhouse beside the Janma-stan again.
Idiots.
But San had to admit, he was quite curious as to why she would leave her safe and absolutely gorgeous city of Varsana to be in Vraja...other than being in Vraja in the month of Kartika.
"Oh...Zero and his brother were plugged into my egg. Mister...?"
"Sanatana das...or just San, it's up to you."
"Mister Sanatana Prabhu-ji...and I...I always longed for a child. I just hope I'm not too much of a mother hen for him."
"Well...how's a mother crow?"
"I don't know...I just want to hold and cuddle him until he feels better," she admitted. "I pulled him out of a suitcase half-dead, you know...it was just my ego that kept him somewhat alive, but...he almost didn't make it to Vrindavana."
"Hmm...yeah. I don't know, he's looking like a warrior, though. He may not like this soft and cuddly affection."
"I know...but right now, he needs love and softness...not more battles and hardness.'' She spoke to Sanatana with complete seriousness. "I know what he went through. Mandodari went into great detail about it."
"So, he's well known then." Sanatana deduced.
"Yes...but I think my Ananta's tired of people knowing his past. And I think he needs a friend that went through the same torture he did."
"Care to give me a clue? I'm missing my brain at the moment."
"Hmmm...yes, Bad Apple on repeat."
Sanatana cringed; he knew this song, he knew how well it fitted with his own situation. Especially the repeat part.
He would wish this torture on anybody else; reincarnation was terrible enough as it is...and one had the luxury of forgetting their previous lives and numerous screw-ups.
"yeah...Ok, I'll see if I can be friends... He seemed to like ice cream, by the way, mint ice scream." he added. The look of pure surprise the fifteen-year-old wore as Sanatana fed him was one of pure surprise and bliss.
And he looked terribly adorable as he fought against Nidra devi, only to almost fall asleep in a milk mug.
"By the way, you're all invited to take breakfast today at my kutir; it's the second rock beside the one Sri-Chaitania hugged on his way to Govardhana hill; you'll know the one."
"Oh, it would be wonderful, Sanatan Prabhu...but I would rather my son stay with you for a bit. I think he needs a break from people." Uttara spoke with a motherly concern. "We've been mothering him quite a bit...and from what I'd gathered from Mukhara, Zero never really had the time to stop and breathe..."
"He could stop and breathe with you."
"Yes...and then he got attacked by a ghost...and he's uncomfortable to be around so many people."
"Yeah...I'm the same." San conveyed sadly. "It's not that we don't like to be with people...we just can't handle seeing those we care about die over and over again." Even a decade after Mount Ebot was cracked open, Sanatana would sometimes wake up expecting to relive the same day... and see his brother and Toriel die at the hands of a child-like puppet.
"Alright then...I may come and check up on him today. Oh, and I think...Paramatma-think he should bathe in Manasi-Ganga...and wash with some cow dung." Uttara listed.
"Alright, Hari-bowl."
"Hare Krishna!"
And with that, Uttara closed the phone, and San let out a sigh. "So...that's why you told me to run after that blonde huh? He's like me." he addressed his Swamini before letting his sight drift to Zero.
He was fast asleep...but his face was not as peaceful as Sanatana would like. The Vaishnava came back into his kutir again and kneeled beside the most fortunate of the unfortunate, gently caressing his forehead as he chased the terrible nightmares away.
It was about a certain X...and his numerous deaths.
Soon enough, Zero's brows relaxed, and his sleep was once again a peaceful event.
Sanatana elected to remain at his new buddy's side as he gently chanted his Japa. Waiting for his guest to arrive.
"You...can't be serious."
Sanatana grinned wider in front of Zero, or that's what his fleshless grin implied anyway.
"No, of course not. I'm Sanatana, not Sirius."
Zero narrowed his eyes and kept his face very neutral save for his knitted brows. "I was talking about the fact that you want to clean my frame using Cow dung and cow urine."
"yeah...You've been attacked by a ghost, Just wanna make sure its influence will be gone for good you know." San informed the reploid in red.
The uncommon pair were walking around Govardhana Hill. The morning air was still cool, and the sand under Zero feet was fine and velvet-like...practically, it was this very fine grey dust that would fly up and cling to his hair. The air was filled with moisture, it would rain again, but at least, Zero's batteries were fully charged, and his secondary fuel tank was halfway filled.
They were walking on a path around Govardhana Hill, where quite a few pilgrims walked around chanting the holy names of Krishna and Radha. San had helpfully pointed out those who were of pusti-Marga, Sri-Vaishnava, Chatur-sanat Sampradaya, Rudra Sampradaya and finally, the Gaudia-matha followers of Bhaktivedanta...and Srila-Prabhubada.
On the dirty and well-traversed dust road, some people went about falling on the ground over and over again in a dedicated lane, and Sanatana had informed Zero that this was called Dandavat Parikrama, in which devotees would go around Giriraja by paying full obeisances to Him.
In this same group was some man...all thin and glowing, that didn't go forward after their obeisances, and instead, would take a stone from a pile of rock and put it in front of them...
"Curious?" Sanatana asked, to which Zero nodded, mesmerized by the old man's dedication to paying Dandavata. "This guy here vowed to pay a hundred and eight Dandavats before going forward for one length of his body. And that's how he's going around Govardhana-hill."
Zero's head snapped to San. "Why? It's going to take him forever!"
"Oh...My dear Johnny, this Prabhu does it out of love...and I've personally known this man for five years, and in those five years, that's the only thing he did."
"Out of love." Zero stated. "For who?"
"For God." San stated as he gestured at the hill and resumed the pilgrimage. "We are all looking for love, John...it's what the soul needs.'' he turned his spot of light for eyes toward Zero. "Did you ever love someone?"
Zero clenched his jaw...
"C'mon Joe...you can tell Uncle San, I won't judge, I promise."
The reploid in red sighed. "Yes...I do...I did love someone."
"And how did you feel when you were in love?" San probed, his voice low and compassionate.
Despite himself, a smile lit up Zero's lips...it was a fond smile...a painful smile.
"I felt alive...even at the worst of times, If he was with me, we could go through it. I had a best friend, a shelter...a reason to live other than a useless war...And...And he loved me back..."
"And you were happy."
"Yes...but..." Zero sighed. "He's gone now... I failed him."
"Tell me Johnny...what made you happy about being with him? Was it how he made you feel good or..."
"I like how...wanted he made me feel...I was programmed and made with the sole purpose of destroying him and everything else." Zero revealed in the privacy of the crowd. " But...Never saw me as something other than his friend, mentor, brother..."
"And more."
"and more... sometimes." If Zero could blush... "But...for me, I just wanted to repay him for what he gave me...for all that love he gave his would-be killer."
"I don't care how the world will see me...X gave me a purpose in life, and he...he loved something that could not even understand this concept. The least I could do was to be whatever he needs...needed."
"Yeah...let me confirm two things, Johnny. One, you are a spirit soul, cuss a mere A.I. can't long for love. And you...you know love." Sanatana informed the reploid, an arm slung on his back. " Love means to give. And from what I'm hearing, you gave yourself to Exe fully."
Zero nodded.
"But...he's gone now."
Zero clenched his jaw...
"And now you feel pain."
"I...I've seen him die so often; I'm used to it now." As painful as it was...
Zero was honestly surprised at how he had managed to survive the impossible again...and how...how he managed to go on so well without him.
Whatever good feeling he had was washed away...
"But you still wish it was him who was coddled by Uttara and about to be bathed in cow dung and urine." The reploid in red could just hear the smirk on Sanatan's face.
"Not sure about the organic waste part...but...I do.'' He turned to face the skeletal companion only to see him gone...to a farmer and his wife at the side of the road. There the crazy Devotee was bargaining for...a bucket of fresh cow dung and urine... after some back and forth, Sanatana bounded back with his loot. Proudly showing them to flabbergasted reploid.
He stared at the brown matter...and then back at Sanatana... "You... are serious."
San nodded. "Yep! Trust me, buddy, after a good scrub and a bath in Manasi-Ganga, you'll feel a whole world better, I promise."
Zero was about to refuse...but knowing his situation surrendered to the fact that, indeed, he would be...bathed in cow excrement...
The reploid turned around and stalked back into the sea of humanity. San had told him they were heading to Govardhana town so Zero could bathe in Manasi-Ganga. He only had to follow the pilgrims since they would all go and take baths there...even if the weather was a bit chilly and overcast.
"Hey! Johnny-5, wait up, man!" Sanatana yelped as he ran after the grieving Zero. " My man, if you keep running off like that, I'll lose you in the crowds. And trust me; I don't wanna anger your mama bird."
"She'll get over it. "Zero dismissed, his sight never leaving the road.
"Well yeah...after she nukes me...Oh well, no better way to go, I guess...but Poor Mandodari, she was so worried 'bout you." San mentioned as he caught up with the taller reploid. "She knows you...and she really likes you."
Some guilt dared to sit in Zero Stone-hard core.
"Uttara loves you...and Mandodari cares a whole bunch."
"Yeah...It's just idol worship." He knew groupies and fangirls, he used to have quite a few running after him, back in the days.
"No, it's not...Those two are high-grade Vaishnavi. They see everyone equally, devoid of fame and as souls suffering in the material world." Sanatana informed the reploid. "They see you as Zero...someone who's been suffering like anything. And they can't handle it."
Zero scoffed as he dodged a pothole with close to no efficiency, falling down in the dust like the heap of metal he was.
Immediately, around twenty hands from people coming from different parts of the world picked him up and tried dusting him up...while others tried to stop them, telling the other group that the dust was the mercy of Srimati-Radharani.
One man, in particular, had triggered quite the warning from Zero's danger detector.
"There you go, my son. This holy land really loves you, it seems." The man joked, and Zero had to take some time to...take stock of him.
He was tall and quite broad, his face was almost perfectly round, and on his eyes were two cuts. But otherwise, he looked quite...unremarkable. Save for his bright orange clothes and numerous runes carved in his body...and the same twelve Ų mark adorning his body.
"Hey!" Sanatana exclaimed. "Ballos, how's your new life treating you?" He asked the broad man. Whose face turned rather stormy at that.
"Don't call me that name. I'm Balabhadra- Bhattacharya das! Not...that person anymore."
San chuckled. "Yeah, I get you. But Ballos had some good sides too."
"Yes...and this demon's dead and gone," Balabhadra concluded. "Now...can you please explain why Curly's brother's here?" The tall and broad man asked as he kept Zero steady.
"Oh, That's Zero...He's not the same as {Curly-Brace} and 'Quote'...I think" Sanatana addressed what could only be his friend.
"Hmm...Indeed. his face is lineless, and his skin resembles flesh...and he doesn't carry the stench of the Mimiga's...and what is in his core..." The tall and imposing man lifted Zero's shawl and examined his core.
The reploid tried not to fidget at this auscultation, still trying to get used to the oversized core.
"Oh...that's quite an interesting design. My apology, my friend." Balabhadra lowered the shawl and fixed Zero's outfit for the day.
"We are not friends." Zero flatly stated, what was it with those Hare Krishna? He had never seen such friendly people in his entirety of existence; not even the Resistance and Ciel were as trusting at first.
Well, Ciel was, only out of innocence and blind trust.
A trust Zero had broken a few times in a useless bid to free them all.
"We will be soon, my friend. We will be soon," he assured the reploid as he gently patted him on his head with a meaty hand. Breaking him out of his dark memories. "So...San, how did you manage to find this most interesting Android?" he asked the skeleton, keeping a hand on Zero.
The skeleton then proceeded to narrate the entire incident that had led the red ripper to be here at the moment... or tried to , the din of the Pilgrims trekking around Govardhana hill eating whatever they were saying not helped with the Harinama being belted out on very loud speakers, the mrdanga, kids, the crowd in general...
This...was starting to get too much for the taciturn reploid. When was the last time he had seen such a huge crowd?
He felt someone...no, not someone, something gently pulls him back toward the two friends. And he could see Sanatana's hand glowing with power. "Sorry, Johnny, I didn't want to lose you here." He deposited the reploid onto the soft sand. " We're just waiting for a friend, and...well, none of us like the crowd," he admitted sheepishly...
'How does his eyes move like that? He doesn't even have eyebrows!" He wondered as he sat beside the two old men. Balabhadra was holding his beads, on his baby-blue bag was the stitching of a plant, on was 'Tulasi-Maharani Ki Jaya!' His counting beads were green with a plastic leaf at the end.
San's own Japa-bag was dark blue, and on it, the amazingly detailed painting of Srimati-Radharani smiled compassionately at Zero. The skeleton didn't chant...he was seemingly content with leaning on a rock with a book about the glories of the hill at his back.
After a few seconds, Zero sat beside Sanatana and began to chant...he wanted to reach sixteen rounds again, just like Mandodari...and everyone would do.
He turned off his internal audio and video, focusing on his inner sound alone as the mantra danced on his tongue and lips.
Mandodari...and Ishani had told the reploid that the Mantra was the same as Krishna, As God. And that one would chant the holy name, then the Lord would dance on his tongue.
And Zero desperately wanted to speak to Him...
"Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare."
"Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare"
He chanted, trying to bring his ever-stormy mind under control and with as much success as his numerous attempts to save X. He lost himself in the sacred action, letting his internal audio catch as much of the name as he could.
That was until he felt Sanatana roughly shake him.
He turned his external hardware on and froze.
In front of him was a tall and lanky man, also dressed in saffron. He was holding an orange rod wrapped in bright saffron fabric and he was barefooted.
But what really caught Zero off guard was how...black he was.
It was as if his skin had taken the hue of dark oil. He had very thick lips that seemed to stretch unnaturally over his blindingly pearlescent teeth. His nose was broad, his cheekbones high, his big eyes a stark white against his black hue.
Zero had thought only Krishna was black...he had no idea humans could attain this level.
"Hey, what's up, brother? Never seen a black man in your life?" He asked, his voice and accent were out of this world.
Zero...slowly shook his head, his mouth still shamelessly wide open as he stared at the walking blaze.
"Hey, Vanamali Maharaja! I thought I'd seen you around." San greeted the man as he fell in the dust of Vraja, paying his full obeisances to the black man...followed by Balabhadra and Zero.
Needless to say, the reploid counted himself lucky he fell into a soft patch of land...after a quiet struggle, the armless reploid returned to his feet. Then he heard his...guides recite a prayer in Sanskrit.
"vancha-kalpatarubhyash cha
kripa-sindhubhya eva cha
patitanam pavanebhyo
vaishnavebhyo namo namaha"
Once that was done, All came back to their feet and shared a joyous embrace...still dusty.
And Zero still stared.
Ever since he had awoken in this strange land, Zero had noticed how everyone was loving and affectionate to all...even him. And it didn't seem to matter what they were.
Krishna-Kripa was a plant; Yavata was...something other than human yet still registered as one. Mandodari was also human and yet also seemed to be very friendly with Uttara and Yashoda, a nuclear hell bird and...whatever Yashoda was, what to speak about Ishani, a woman who just happened to be Jesus.
And now this group of men, one had no flesh on his body, one had cartoonish proportions and the other was...black.
And yet, they saw no difference, and even if the two entities knew Zero was a robot...
None of them hated him, none of them were jealous.
Vanamali Maharaja looked back at the bewildered Zero and smiled broadly. "Yeah, you really never met a black man. Hey, who found the guy?" he asked Balabadha and Sanatana.
The skeleton raised his hand. "I did...guy managed to drag a ghost in Vraja; the thing managed to take control of his body." Both Vaishnava winced at those words. "He's a robot, by the way."
Vanamali's highly expressive brows practically reached the top of his head. "Nooo. You jokin' me, man...you jokin'." he turned his attention to Zero. "You really a robot?"
Well, no use to hide it. "A Replicated android..." Then Zero paused, trying to dig up through the mire of his overfilled memory the term his creator had used. "Or a Robot master. But Krishna-Kripa called me a doll. You may call me Zero."
The three Vaishnava looked at the reploid...a doll, with curiosity.
"So...you ain't organic," Vanamali stated.
"No."
"But...you ain't just a mere machine, either." he once again stated.
"No...I am a free-willed android, a sentient machine."
Complete silence filled the side of Govardhana hill and then...it hit Zero like one of X's Hadoken...
It was quiet… The powerful current of international pilgrims had turned into a mere trickle. Only the men paying dandavat in front of their laps of rocks and the three uncommon Vaishnavas remained.
Zero froze as his battle algorithms engaged...only to fail.
He was not as fixed as he thought he was, but the red ripper did not need this program; he could defeat any threat.
"You Alright there, Johnny?" Sanatana asked, his smile conveying to his friend that this was something he had planned.
"Where's everyone?" Zero asked...it was too quiet for his taste...his Paranoia screaming at the war-build that something fishy was going on.
"Going around Govardhana hill..." Sanatana explained, his infuriating grin still plastered on his face.
"Don't lie to me." Zero growled.
"I'm not..."
"Perhaps, it would be better if I would explain to our guest the nature of Vrindavan," Vanamali interjected. "You see...Jo-"
"Zero." The Red Ripper interrupted.
"Zero, Vraja is not the same as a material location; she is alive and free to show or hide as much as she desires." The black man explained. "For those whom she favours, Vrindavan can expand, making them untouchable by those who wished them harm. And she can retract, making their travel shorter than what it should be. She can make an interminable wait last but the blink of an eye and then can make eight hours as long as the entire night of Brahma, which is 4.32 billion years." He emphasized. "And yet, the universe will not feel that time passing."
"That's impossible."
"Materially speaking..." Vanamali explained as he resumed their walk, and Zero was helpless to follow. "You see, Zero, we're dealing with the supremely free Motherland. Not planet Earth. Vrindavana is not from here; she is cent percent spiritual and inconceivable...Basically, don't try to understand Vraja-Mata like a computer, but as a soul..."
"I don't know what this means." Zero admitted. Spirituality was still new to him. He just knew that those who practiced it were happy.
And if Zero was Happy, then X...would he be alive, would also be happy.
Even...if he was just another hallucination caused by Zero's bottomless grief and incapacity to save him...
And everyone else, for that matter.
"It means you have to start seeing things with love, my brother," Vanamali said. "Love of God."
"Love of God?" Zero asked...love was not really an unknown subject to the machine of war. He knew he loved X the most, for he was willing and ready to repeatedly give up his life for the blue bomber's ideals. He also loved Ciel, wanting her to grow up in a safe environment. He also loved Alouette...
And Iris...as much as it pained him to admit, she had been a fling. The poor girl had latched onto Zero the moment she had laid eyes on him, seeing him as freedom, a means to be different, to get out of her brother's shadow.
She loved her brother more...and had died from grief.
Zero had only made the dead body stop...nothing more.
Love...meant both the greatest of pain and the best of pleasure. It was a gift, a curse...an addiction.
"I'm not sure I even want to love anymore." Zero admitted. So far, nothing has worked out for him...
"Oh, Johnny, please don't say things like that." Sanatana came up from behind Zero, slinging an arm around his mangled shoulders. "As a spirit soul, as a part of God, you already love him." He explained. "We're all tiny little particles of Love of God. Spiritual sparks meant to love Him, Krishna, and whatever is connected to him."
"I'm tired of suffering." Zero admitted. He was truly at the end of his tolerance.
"We all were, brother." Vanamali Maharaja admitted. "But...do we look like we're suffering anymore?"
Zero stopped and gazed at the glowing Hare Krishna's...and remembered the group of women that had repaired and taken care of him.
Those women had suffered...but now were happy. And from those other Vaishnavas...Zero could observe that they were beyond happy.
They were blissful.
"No...you are not suffering. And you are all blissful."
"And this, my friend, is because we are trying to love God, Krishna, with all of our heart." Balabhadra declared with a very broad smile, revealing a set of inhumanly large teeth. "One has to follow his nature without attachment to the result to feel true happiness... and the nature of the pure self, the soul, is to love God."
"Listen, Johnny." San picked up. "I may not know what completely happened to you. But I know one thing; You loved someone...but by loving him, you got into a huge heap of trouble. Right now, you want nothing to do with it. And you know what? That's fine." He clapped Zero's back. "But don't turn your back to God... Krishna's an ocean of love and pleasure; his only desire is to share a loving relationship with you. And in this relationship, there is no pain, only bliss."
"Why?"
"Because He loves you, Zero...Buddy, you have no idea how much Sri-Sri Radha-Krishna adores you." Sanatana spoke with great emphasis.
"I gave them no reason to."
"My friend, The Divine couple cares not for reasons; they love us, no matter who or what we are," Bhalabadha uttered. "Do not try to understand love through rules, for Love is selfless, free, and completely independent. She is transcendental and most powerful. So powerful in fact, that Even Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead will bow down to her."
Zero remained silent...he...was not ready for love. Not yet.
The small group of misfits walked in silence around the sacred hill. Vanamali Swami had an encyclopedic knowledge of all the pastime places surrounding the tiny ridge, and every time they would walk in on one, he would tell everyone about them.
They had passed the place where Krishna had placed a toll booth to steal the milk products of the gopis, the place where he had planted pearls to get more pearls for his cows (well, his gopi girlfriends received their pretty ornaments in the end, and it was a very funny pastime). Well, the Gopis' debt had been repaid, and Krishna would have had a pastime with Radha...
They also talked about how Krishna lifted this very hill on the little finger of his left hand and held it in place for seven nights and days.
When the small hill was actually a towering mountain with thousands of Golden peaks piercing the clouds.
The reason was thus... In Vraja, Krishna's foster father, Nanda Maharaja was preparing a sacrifice in honour of Indra, the demi-god who controlled the rain. That was until eight-year-old Krishna pointed out that such sacrifice was not in the Vedas and thus, not bonafide. The Lord as a precocious child had then pointed out that Indra would give rain anyway since rain fell in places that were unneeded like the ocean and rocks.
He had then spoken about the philosophy of hard work...which if Zero were to believe Vanamali swami and Sanatana, was just a bunch of hoopla.
One had the right to work, but the result of his efforts was not his to enjoy or even control. For it was Ultimately Krishna, the Supreme Controller, who would bestow the fruit of one's labour... and enjoy it.
Oh...and the Avatara of Krishna who controlled this aspect had neither friend nor enemy; he was aloof, an observer who simply gave one's due.
They called him Param-Atma, or the Supersoul. He was the one who reminded the living entity of what he wanted...and He was the one who gave the just due.
Hearing his eight-year-old boy, Nanda-Baba had cancelled the sacrifices for King Indra and on the suggestion of his darling little boy, used all the paraphernalia and collected food grain to worship Govardhana Hill. Since this hill was the one that gave them all that they needed.
He had induced the Vraja-Basis, the one who lived in Vraja, to cook a mountain of grains and sweets to offer Govardhana hill in a huge, beautiful festival.
Krishna then appeared as the hill and ate all the preparation at a place called Anakuta. There was also a town by the name of Anyora, for it was the word of the Lord as the hill had spoken the most to his devotees.
Give me more...more food... more of your unaloyed love.
"So yeah, if we ain't too late, we can reach Anyora town at noon." Vanamaly Swami informed their little group as they rested at the bank of Manasi-Ganga. Or the original form of the river Ganges.
Since...apparently, everything came from Vrindavana, the spiritual world.
No, Zero could not wrap his mind around it, but after the one-kilometer walk from the Radha-Kunda area to the Prototype Ganga, he had elected to stop worrying about why the place he was in could not be explained by simple calculation and mundane logic.
Sanatana had already bathed Zero with the mixture of cow urine and dung, much to the reploid's great chagrin. But this grief and anger didn't last, for Balabhadra and Vanamali Swami had also grabbed a few handfuls of the...mix and joyfully smeared it on their bodies.
'If this is how God's servants are acting, then what about their master?' And yet, Zero had to readjust his opinion when...he realized that he was indeed feeling better. Like a cloud had been lifted, darkness was now a bit brighter and his level of gold salt had raised.
And it seemed it was the same for the other Vaishnavas. They seemed to glow, their smiles bright and a good indication that the bath they just had had been a very pleasant and blissful experience.
Those men of saintly characters had then brought Zero to visit a few temples around the huge and sacred lake. Telling stories and pastimes that had happened there and near.
"But to return to our main topic. Krishna did lift that very hill to protect his devotees from King Indra's wrath." Vanamali pointed to Govardhana hill.
"Do we have any proof of it?" Zero asked. Curious to know if God bothered leaving some proof of his advent on Earth.
"Oh yeah!" Vanamali Maharaja enthusiastically nodded, his wide smile brightening his face. "Before Krishan lifted the hill, he asked permission from his friend and brother. Now, obviously, no one wanted their darling Gopal to hurt himself trying to perform a crazy awesome act."
"Why?" Zero asked. "If Krishna is God, then why did he need not ask permission? He's free to do as he will." That was the definition of God, so powerful nothing could stop him or change his mind.
Vanamali gave a bright smile. "Aah! Now this is a question I was waiting for.'' He adjusted his seating under a banyan tree. "You see, my bwother. Kwishna maybe God...But it doesn't mean he wants to be tweated like that." the black man spoke, his accent having return despite his best efforts.
"Uh."
"Take me for example. I'm a swami, and my disciples like to hear my classes and touch my feet. Basically, they tweat me as they would Bhagawan.
Thing is...I don't like that. Well, I like that they are so enthusiastic about serving me like they would God, but...I ain't liking that." he admitted. "It's...a bit too impersonal for me."
Zero grunted again, and he could see what the swami meant, having lived through a similar situation.
When he was still well known as the red ripper and the great hero in red. He would have groupies running after him and worshiping the ground he walked on. Many would propose...and while the fame had been incredible at first, Zero quickly began to despise it.
Instead, he had gravitated towards X...who had always seen him as a friend, even when Zero had been a mentor. And to be honest...
He'd rather have X as a friend and a lover than as someone under him.
"So, in Vraja, the top-most planet of the spiritual sky, Krishna ain't God here...He's Sridhama and Subala's best friend, Balarama's younger brother, Yashoda's pet son and-"
"Radharani's lover."
there was a pause in the conversation...and Vanamali smiled. "Yep... Every relationship in this world is but a perverted reflection of what's happening in the Goloka. Everything is there...every relationship and every nuance of the relationship is the eternal rule there. And what fuels them all is pure love for Krishna. A love devoid of lust."
"I see...what does it mean then?" Zero asked, very much curious to know the difference between the two. For the centennial reploid, lust and love had been synonymous.
Vanamali readjusted his seat. "Alright...so lust is 'take take take' and 'I, me, Mine," he explained. "You want to please your senses with the stuff you think belongs to you for your pleasure. Clear?"
Zero nodded.
"Love may look the same, and the gopis may act like they be very lusty...but they ain't, brother, cause their only desire is to serve Krishna in all respects even if it means breaking all Vedic laws of morality. In essence, those simple cowherd girls are the best of sanyasis or renunciants." Vanamali praised, his voice swelling with deep devotion and love.
"I may be called swami, but I'm still attached to my position, reputation, and the fame as a strict and renounced man. Those rustic milkmaids, proper housewives to their husbands, also gave up all of that, willing to incur the wrath of the entire society for Krishna's pleasure...they have no shelter other than Krishna's love. No other recourse, nothing but Krishna."
"So, a gopi is married then...and Krishna is their Paramour." Zero resumed. He had managed to pick up this fact here and there...
"Oh yeah. Krishna also has his wives."
"The Queens of Dwarka." Zero stated as he remembered what Swamini Mandodari had told about them.
Obviously, the memory was very vague since Zero had been dying. Still, the amount of knowledge imparted was enough to wet the red reploid's appetite.
"Got it in one!" Vanamali snapped his finger. "Now those queens treat Krishna as their divine husband. They don't have any hurdles in their relationship. A gopi, on the other hand, will happily accept to be a pariah of society heading to Hell if it means Krishna will be happy."
"It's Selfless love." Zero observed.
Vanamali nodded gravely. "Those divine gopis are our best teachers and example."
"Not that we imitate them..." San quickly clarified. "Save for some special occasions, you'll never see a man wearing a sari and acting like what they think a Gopi acts like. And if you hear someone of any gender telling you they dance with Krishna with the Rasa-Lila...well, I won't say punch them but...just turn your back and leave, those are Sahajya and a plague, I'm telling you."
"Noted."
"Anyway..." Vanamali digressed. "As Gaudia-Vaishnava, we worship the lotus feet of those same Pure gopis...and their methods of worshiping Radha-Krishna is, as per Mahaprabhu and Prabhupada's instruction, to cry for them and to serve them in separation."
"And who is Mahaprabhu?" Zero asked. Never in his life had he heard something so interesting and...satisfying to his heart.
"Mahaprabhu's the combined form of Rahda-Krishna who came on earth give or take five-hundred years ago." Balabhadra-Bhatacharia das explained to his friend. "My friend, if you desire even the slightest chance to worship the lotus feet of any lesser vraja-vasi, let alone Sri-Sri Radha Krishna the way those Vraja-Devi do...you need to serve him first."
"and how do I serve him?" Zero asked...feeling the same buzz as if he would receive a mission to complete.
To the side, drinking from a bottle of ketchup, San chuckled happily. "You give Krishna to others...and you practice Bhakti-yoga like we all do."
A tentative smile light Zero lips. Yes...this sounded like a good idea.
What else did Zero have to lose anyway?
