...I can explain!
So, it's been a long time, huh? Eh, considering if you'd stuck around long enough as a reader of my works, you know it's nothing new with me.
NeoShadows is back at it with a chapter of this new little story! I'll be honest, I wasn't planning on uploading this chapter today. Or anything, really. I've been in the works of getting several chapters completed to multiple stories and had been hoping to do a mega release in the near future. Writing the end of A Certain Trainer of Misfortune, got the momentum going with A Certain Maelstrom of Misfortune, and have been nailing down the last points to A Certain Influx of Time Traveling Mishaps. Among other projects I've been meaning to release as well. I'll talk more about the big plans I'm going to release soon at the end of the chapter.
Now as for why I'm uploading this chapter sooner than expected...Dark challenged me; the bastard. If you don't know Darkbetrayer, he writes his own works and is mostly known for A Shattered Vale(ToAru/RWBY) and The Choices We Make(RWBY), two good fics I do recommend when ya have the time. He's a good friend on the Writer's section of the Discord Server I frequent...and an antagonist who keeps recommending addicting games. Blame him for partly being so late on getting anything uploaded.
One chat in the server later, blah, blah, blah, and I felt challenged to upload something. Eh, at least Full's happy.
As for what one-shot we got going now, it's a Mina Mathers center-ish fic! I say center-ish because it also centers on Aleister's daughter, Lilith, too.
Don't think there are really any fics with those two...discounting that one I read very well deserving of the rating of M. As with most of the one-shots to be uploaded to this story, it's a rare pairing. Though maybe saying pairing is a little bit of a stretch right now. More to be explained in the Author's Notes at the end.
For now, get to reading! I know it's been a long time since you had one of my delectable dishes!
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to A Certain Magical Index. All rights are reserved to Kazuma Kamachi.
Chapter 1: A High School Boy, A Wet Nurse Super Computer Grimoire, a Forbidden Magical Library, A Mini-War God Fairy, a Baby, and Cat.
CROWDED_Space.
[-]
Kamijou Touma was in a dilemma. A dilemma far greater than battling against a megalomaniac titled as One Above God. Greater than enduring hell, after hell, after hell, after hell, after hell by some scantily clad female All-Father. Greater than battling against history's greatest magician, a great demon of the abyss, and dragon composed of his past memories.
"How am I even supposed to pay the rent?! I'm in high school, for crying out loud! I don't have any prior job experience either, so it's not like I can just find a job with flexible hours that pays well enough to support all of us, the roof above our heads, utilities, baby products, food, Index, clothing, my hospital bills, and Index. What am I supposed to tell them anyway? Yes, I need a living space for three people: no, the wet nurse is not my wife, the baby she takes care of is not mine, and I am not related to them or the white nun with silver hair. My Level-0 stipend just barely scraps us by. Would they even allow pets? Or a palm-sized Magic God; are you classified under pet?"
"Human, you're rambling. Not to mention you included the grimoire library three times in your expenses."
"I'm well aware of that. The fact Index is considerate enough not to scarf down everything in sight in regard to the baby's expenses is a miracle. But then again, she's been taking out her hunger pains on my skull. Quick question: Am I losing hair?"
"Just a bit, you slowly balding poverty-stricken father."
"I don't want to be a balding dad! I'm still a virgin for crying out loud! Such misfortune!"
Out in the cold winter streets of Academy City, in the crowded bustling crowds preparing for the holidays fast approaching, a small pocket clear of any students or adults could be seen from above. And in the center of that pocket where people were steering clear of warily was one spiky-haired boy going on a loud rant.
Kamijou Touma, an ordinary high school boy, your typical Level-0 idiot, ignored the strange stares stabbing into his pitiable form as he trudged on with his hands stuffed in his winter coat's pockets. Those judging him in his ramblings could eat shit for all he cared right now! Unless they were a shy, clumsy, big-boobed Dorm Manager Onee-san in her late twenties, they weren't important!
This poor high schooler(in danger of failing his first year) was on a quest. Failure was not an option here. Should he trip up now on this vital mission then he would suffer consequences far too great for him to hope to recover from.
Yes, this was even greater in importance than a sale on discount eggs.
The colorful stores displaying great deals on clothing, games, electronics, manga, cooking ware, and food! Even the high school and college-aged mini-skirt Santa girls beckoning him over with flirty winks wouldn't draw him away from his mission.
Determination burned bright in his dark blue eyes.
In his right hand, he clenched a few sheets of white paper.
'Application For New Boarding.'
Touma was on a dorm hunt. Or, he supposed, an apartment hunt since he wasn't positive he would be able to convince the boarding administration that this Level-0 needed a dorm fit for four people. Or at the very least two with the addition of a larger bathroom he could sleep in.
From his right shoulder, a blonde-haired witch in scantly bikini wear unfit for this cold city weather crossed her arms.
"Have you prepared yourself for failure? Your lack of luck all but assures you no chance of your goal coming to fruition. Should it come to it, I vote on eating that damn beast who dares to attack a god. We'll also have to have you turn tricks in the streets in order to survive. To think your heathenish ways would actually be of some good to a god like myself."
"Shut up! I know I should expect failure but even this miserable boy made of misfortune has to have some shred of hope. Otherwise, why even fight? Besides, this isn't only about the three of us anymore. Whether I like it or not, I have to secure all of us a bigger space to live. For their sake!"
"...Hmm. That wasn't just talk back there, was it? You're completely serious?"
"You're my Understander; were you really doubting me?"
"Do not mistake yourself, human. Though we've come to intimately understand one another, it leaves something to be said that even a God is still left surprised by your actions."
"…"
"This is different than your typical battle to salvage the smile of a single individual from a tragedy you happened to stumble upon. That human, of all the people in the world, knew your heart better than perhaps even myself. Even in death, the bastard had already made another move that could possibly mature into a pivotal gear to some master plan already in motion. In other words, you were predicted to move as you are now, knowing that you would do everything in your power to save them just so someone else could, one day, reap the fruits of your labor."
Nothing was said back to the miniature War God who found her single eye narrowing.
At some point, such thoughts must have occurred to the boy. Many believed him to be naive, stupid, reckless, and dull All of which was true. But as one who had been on the receiving end of both his violence and salvation, she knew him to be far sharper than given credit.
Betrayal wasn't anything new to him. He had been used before. And he had come to learn he was just some highly valuable piece to someone's grand master plan. Compared to the fruits known as espers walking around him, compared to the forest known as Academy City he resided in, he was different; he was the seed who had brought about the forest and its fruits.
Even as he rushed through the crowded December streets of Academy City, complaining and lamenting his usual rotten luck, in the background of his mundane thoughts, he was thinking.
"This is not your responsibility. You, of all people, have no reason to do that manipulative human any favors. Considering who they are, they are better off in the hands of a group like Angelicans as the new Archbishop is familiar with that witch. Especially when one considers the unique nature of that newborn life that may even match the value of the grimoire library."
Where they were heading to was District 1. Commonly known for housing many of the administration faculties, ie. offices to government employees of Academy City responsible for leases, permits, change of schools, and other boring and mundane functions this high school boy never thought twice of. Even in all the troubles, he had found himself involved in since that fateful summer day, not once had he ever ventured into District 1 for any reason at all.
Today was different. Because of the events that had transpired the day before, he was set on a meeting with the city's boarding officials to request a move of living space in order to accommodate the growing number of people stuffed into his one-person student dorm.
Just the thought of having to explain why he would need a bigger space for the freeloaders, who have been previously hidden from Academy City's administration in fear of being evicted from his rent-free home, caused a grimace to appear on his sweaty face.
Even if it would mean risking the loss of his home, this was something he had to do ever since he accepted them into his home.
[-]
If Touma had keys to his dorm(it was unlocked with a digital card reader which, in his opinion was even worse) he would have dropped them to the floor as he opened the door to his dormitory. Next to him, the grimoire library known as Index only tilted her head in confusion at the scene that left him gawking with his mouth open wide.
To say the last few days since the start of the Magic God Invasion, leading into clashing with World Rejector, followed by the Heat Wave, Elements, Kihara Yuiitsu, Aleister Crowley, Mathers and Coronzon, and a certain Faker, were stressful and tiring would be an understatement. He'd already lost count of how many times he had nearly died since the first day when he found himself facing off with history's greatest and most feared magician.
England was fun. And he'd been looking for an opportunity to hang out with the friends he had made there and get some sightseeing done without having to deal with matters concerning magic or the end of the world. Knowing his misfortune though, he didn't want to risk any new developments popping up just because he wanted to see Big Ben with members of Neceassarious.
What? He'd been stabbed, bludgeoned, bloodied, nearly crushed, burned, shot at, basically exploded into a gooey pile of warm flesh, lost his right arm, lost his right arm again, all in a matter of what had felt like a week but had actually been a few days. Once everything had finally, truly, settled down and he found an opportunity to go home, Touma took it without hesitation.
Home was calling and he had enough fights for his life to last him for a lifetime.
When he unlocked his door and stepped in, he was expecting to be taken back by the sight of his mundane living corners, the peaceful and boring life he had always fought tooth and nail to return greeting him without any fanfare. He would have smiled simply as Index ran in, spinning her arms around joyfully as they finally made it back home, and taken a moment to breathe it all in as the tension in his shoulders relaxed at long last.
Lunchtime was close, so he had already been pondering on what to cook with what was left of his fridge and pantry. A trip to the supermarket was in order too. Maybe he could kick back his feet, relax on his bed(taken over by a certain gluttonous nun), and pick up an old manga in his collection while Index busied herself with watching Kanamin reruns.
Never in all the infinite hells that he had endured at Magic God Othinus's hands would he have expected to find a sexy cat-eared widow with an impressive bust, in mourning clothes, sitting on the edge of his bed and feeding a very familiar baby a bottle of formula like it was the most normal thing in the world.
...No words came to mind as Touma stopped and stared blankly at the mourning cat witch. Nothing at all came to mind as the world felt like it had come to a full stop. So strange was the scene that even Index and Othinus found themselves sharing Touma's blank stare as the sound of a baby suckling on a bottle was all that was heard.
Mina Mather, AKA Reading Thoth 78, simply regarded the statue-faced humans with merely a quirked brow.
"Ah, you've returned, dear. Good; the fridge is empty, and I've used up the last of the formula Heaven Canceler gifted us, so it is vital that we purchase more for our child before she grows hungry. Once I've put Lilith to bed, we can go out and shop for a few more items as well: diapers, baby shampoo, a small tub for baths, clothing, toys, books, and-"
"...Did you call me 'dear'?"
"THAT'S WHAT'S CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION!? WHAT ABOUT THE 'OUR CHILD' PART?!"
"THAT'S WHAT'S CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION!? WHAT ABOUT THE 'OUR CHILD' PART?!"
G-Give this single and poverty-stricken Kamijou-san a break! Do you know how devastating it is for a high school boy to be addressed as dear? In JAPANESE?!
Showing zero regard to the blushing high school boy who had recently lost his right arm(twice), bruised and pelted with a rain of sharp glass, and had his right arm bitten off by a dragon(make that three times), not to mention everything that he had endured from the moment he broke into The Windowless Building, the nun and mini-god attacked in perfect harmony.
Cliche bites and ear pulls aside, the regularly battered boy crawled on his stomach into the room and stared up at the calm-faced mourning witch(all while a min-war god stretched his ear like taffy and Index gnawed on his skull).
"M-Mina? Is that really you?"
It was stupid to ask. Even as he stared up at the silver-haired woman who was basically a super computer turned grimoire possessing a physical body, he wanted to be sure he wasn't seeing things. He didn't want to be seeing things or for this to be..another illusion born from his desperate heart.
Even if the entire ordeal involving Great Demon Coronzon, Aleister Crowley, and that Faker, were over with, he still felt there were several open questions left ignored in the wake of victory.
He had no idea where the Black Cat Witch and Aleister's Daughter had gone once the dust settled. They had disappeared and left no trace as to where they had left to. Without a word to anyone, they simply vanished.
He felt his chest grow incredibly hard like a solid rock in anticipation of the answer. His right hand's fingers twitched nervously.
Was this another wis-
"Flash, flash."
"Flashing your milky thighs at me isn't a proper answer, damn it! What kind of wet nurse wears black lingerie?! Save that sexy shit for the bedroom, you black-cat hag! W-Wait! The designs changed. Don't tell me you've been studying up on garter belts now that you've been freed from The Windowless Building?"
"Our fantastical battles have yet to end. We have arrived at the 20th century where old customs and traditions are no more than stepping stones; the time has arrived for imagination to bloom."
No question: this was Mina Mathers, AKA Reading Thoth 78. The illogical and tempting black-cat witch whose form was constructed on what she believed Kamijou Touma desired.
Even as he felt both Index and Othinus bite/pull harder, Touma felt a smile break free.
"I thought...I thought...I-I didn't know what to t-think."
A crack was heard in his voice. A noticeable break from his usual bright, carefree, nonchalant, and kind tone they had all come to know.
Both the grimoire library and the mini-god let go of Touma, standing back as their caretaker's head bowed and the bangs of his forehead shadowed his expression. From the crack in his voice alone, they both understood this was not the time for their ordinary habits.
Guilt colored Touma's face as his forehead kissed the floor and his fingers curled into tight fists.
Mina Mathers and Lilith were safe. They were in good health. Even though they had both been through hell as well and been attacked non-stop, the two were in fine condition. The remnants of malice created by Great Demon Coronzon, by him, hadn't strayed and scratched either one in any way. Against countless odds, those two were unscathed and stood right in front of him as if they had never left the scene.
"I'm sorry."
Aleister Crowley, Lilith's father, was dead. Someone important was missing from this picture. A noticeable tear was seen in what should have been a happy and pleasant scene of smiles. A little girl's father had bled out and succumbed to his wounds on the battlefield just as victory had been achieved. The grieving father didn't even have the luxury or the kindness to hold his child one last time before their heart stopped.
Who had been beside that dying father as blood seeped through their clothing? Who could have eased his suffering or even prolonged his death for just a few moments for a miracle to grace his presence? Out of all those special characters on the field of the final stage who could have simply lent their hand to the bloody man, offered his shoulder to lean on, and put their all in keeping one of the so-called sinners of the story alive…
Kamijou Touma ran away. Like a coward, he had turned his back on everyone and abandoned everyone in the aftermath of Coronzon's defeat with his tail between his legs. Instead of putting the life of someone in such a critical condition, he left. It may have been an act to shield them from a horror he had stubbornly refused to confront inside himself. Undoubtedly, he had saved others with his actions. He knew firsthand the kind of carnage bursting out from his right arm.
But all the excuses in the world would never wash away the shame and guilt eating away at his chest as he learned Aleister Crowley had died without anyone to comfort him or promise him anything kind in death.
Right now, however they had gotten here, were the two people who had relied on said stubborn idiot and were now more alone in this world than they were before.
"I-I...I was a coward. I ran away when he needed someone there to patch him up, to hold his hand, to promise him that things would be alright, that there were still things he needed to live for! Even a useless dumbass like myself could have done something if I had simply stood at his side before his life slipped away from his bloody hands! But I couldn't even do that. Because I feared what I always ignored, of what I was terrified would change me, and bottled it up inside, I lost control and found I could only run away and abandon everyone else. I-I couldn't s…"
Save him.
Save the mourning bastard who had lost his firstborn daughter, his wife, and second daughter, been consumed with vengeance and hate for his Christian God, rejected the sprinkle of miracles created in the clashing storms of phases, waged a one-man war on history's greatest magical cabal, split Magic and Science down the middle, and created a system of misery and suffering that always allowed cracks to be made for malice to leak and 'someone unlucky' to confront the darkness with a measly fist.
Aleister Crowley was not without sin. If Heaven did indeed exist among all those countless Phases, said man would never see its pearly gates.
But Touma could have still saved him if he had tried.
To see Mina Mathers and Lilith Crowley here? To see them safe?
Guilt pierced his chest and twisted like a corkscrew to tear open the grisly wound. What spilled out of the throbbing wound was the sins and regret of a boy who had been too cowardly and stupid to do a thing to save someone's life.
A shuddering breath was taken and tears pooled in his burning eyes.
But before more could spill out of the savage tear in his chest, he heard the springs of his bed squeak and noticed the shadow of someone approaching him.
"Idiot boy. Why must this always be the fault of your own? Are guilt and despair all you've come to know? Where's your burning adolescence?"
Careful with the suckling Lilith hugged to her chest, Mina leaned down and rested her free hand atop the spiky hair of the prostrating boy.
"You've seen the life of that man firsthand. You know his history. And you've even felt his Karmic magic. Ultimately, no matter what good he may have done in those last few days, he had already doomed himself. Not even Imagine Breaker could have shattered such a fate. In fact, your presence may have only caused him more agony in his final breath."
Touma choked and swallowed what felt like a roar from the depths of his strangled heart.
"But if I had only used Imagine Breaker better…" he muttered in soft agony.
The words of a faker in emerald green and shocking pink slithered out-
'I am here because you wished it. And you just rejected that obvious answer to have it your way. Do not let them die...If you had used this thing right, you might have been able to save the Golden Magicians. At the very least,'
And grinned sardonically with crocodile teeth.
'Aleister didn't need to die and leave his daughter behind.'
Even if those two had settled their conflict, and Touma had bloodied his hands by killing the supernatural, they had never come to any kind of agreement or understanding. Because they were Kamijou Touma; good and bad.
A High School Boy wasn't fit for the role demanded of to save the lives lost in Great Demon Coronzon's disaster.
Dark blue eyes lost their shine and grew cloudy.
Did that mean...did that mean he had to rejec-
"Aba!"
Glass was slapped onto the spiky boy's head with no remorse.
"Gah! Fuuuuuck! The hell was that?! ...A glass bottle? Who the hell gives a baby a glass bottle?! That's unsafe, you idiot! I know there are parents who are paranoid about the chemicals found in plastics but seriously! Wait, is that blood?! Did little Lilith seriously break the ski-"
"Bah, bah, bah!"
Several strikes fell upon Touma's forehead from the huffy baby Lilith. Leaving the high school boy to squirm and roll around the ground with howls of pain. Not even the Grimoire Library or the Fairy-sized Magic God was sure of what to make of the infant baby waving their blunt bottle at the crying boy with a glare(?) as Mina held out the baby with an emotionless expression.
"Very good, Lilith. Remember, we can not be soft on the naughty boy whose eyes keep lingering on the scant glimpses of my garter belt. Bad habits must be corrected on the spot and hammered in without remorse."
With a grimace on his face, bloody-faced Touma gave the sexy black cat nurse and the miracle baby snake eyes.
Not even a day after coming back from England and he was already being bloodied? And by a baby? This was Freyja all over again.
"Lamenting on your knees will not mend the wounds. That is unlike the boy who had discovered his life in this small world of Science was designed to stumble upon misery and deepen his violence, and yet refused to abandon the man responsible for your misery. As you are now, rolling around the ground in pain, cursing, and glaring back for your own stupid comments; that is more fitting."
Mina knelt down to the guilty-faced teen, her face floating above his own as she set baby Lilith gingerly down at her feet, leaving the girl to continue waving her bottle at Touma. Her expression remained emotionless, not cold yet not neutral either, just blank as a certain someone had once been when they had awoken without a base of his own to build his personality.
But grayish eyes appeared soft, almost tender. The face could lie, it may be empty, and it may not understand what to show, but the eyes would always reveal what the heartfelt.
Mina Mathers and Lilith Crowley were here.
"How?"
Being an embodiment of bad luck, he was accustomed to random things dropping onto his lap. He was a magnet for trouble and felt he was(sadly) growing accustomed to meeting new people who would only cause him grief. But how did the two people in front of him appear here, in Academy City, all the way from England before him?
And why was she specifically here in his dorm room?
"I told you: karma would do in that foolish man in the very end. Do you not believe he would suspect it? Or even plan for his demise? Why else do you believe we are here?"
"...Eh?"
What...exactly did she mean by 'Why else do you believe we are here'? And, again, why were they exactly in his dorm room of all places? His home was not some shelter for strays!
"You're joking, right?"
"Tch! That damn sorry excuse of a filthy perverted human! Was this part of his so-called 'plans' all along? How far back did he come up with this crap?"
Apparently, both Index and Othinus had already come upon the dawning realization of what Mina was trying to convey. Sadly for this Kamijou-san, he was rather slow on the uptake.
Mina knew this, and so explained her presence in his little safe space away from the troubles of his hectic life.
"Though Aleister had not foreseen the miraculous return of his deceased daughter, nor my freedom of The Windowless Building, alongside an actual body, he was never one for being slow in action or planning. I myself have no idea when he had put this contingency together but it must have come to fruition when back in England. It is only thanks to Heaven Canceler passing along the information to myself in a sealed envelope that I knew what to do when the highly likely were to happen."
From those milky breasts gently swaying, Mina reached her hand into her bountiful cleavage, and a simple letter was produced.
"It was a magical seal tied to the caster's lifeforce built upon Aleister's greatest defense wards. The second his life had passed, it unraveled itself to me. And it detailed instructions to be taken immediately upon his death. Contained in the letter was one final parting word of history's greatest magician, detailing my duties as Lilith's guardian, the means of transportation to safely slip through England's borders and avoid detection from troubling parties, a few resources, and a secret backdoor accessible only to Aleister Crowley to enter Academy City. Included as well was an address: yours."
So, Aleister had planned as far back as Lilith's sudden appearance and Mina Mather's(aka Reading Thoth 78) new body, with a will in mind? One that would only activate once he died?
There was an ugly lump in Touma's chest at that news, but-
"That son of a bitch! He, of all people, knows how cramped my dorm is! Is this payback for punching him in the face several times? My single-person dorm is not some safe house!"
"Correct. This is not a safe house. Aleister never intended us to stay here for a short time until we've come across a permanent residence. He is fully knowledgeable of your situation and has more appropriate facilities to act as a safe house to provide food, water, and safety."
"Why am I sensing a but?" Touma gulped anxiously. All the while baby Lilith abandoned her threats to bust his head with a bottle in favor of patting his spiky hair, giggling as she played with a few locks.
"Your dorm is not a means of temporary residence: it is our new home. Per Aleister Crowley's will, I and Lilith are to seek Kamijou Touma. No other place in this world is better suited for the upbringing of young Lilith other than underneath the Imagine Breaker's gaze. Of all the humans in this world, there is only one person that selfish human trusts to raise his daughter and impart their own morals and kindness than the idiot boy who didn't even discard him. And I, as her caretaker, essentially filling the role of 'Mother', will be residing here as well to ensure the girl is raised properly with my role as her wet nurse. Do you understand, naughty boy with burning adolescence?"
New home?
Raising baby Lilith?
Touma's eyes grew unbelievably wide, mouth left gaping in disbelief, as his dumb brain began to put everything together. His expression must have been amusing since baby Lilith began to clap her small little hands together with a bright giggle.
Mina must have found it amusing as well since he spotted the faintest curl of her lovely lips.
"This is Aleister Crowley's final message, Kamijou: Please, raise my Lilith with all the love and affection I had once dreamed of with all my heart. Protect my treasure, and raise her to be the kind of woman who can only know smiles and laughter instead of tears."
The sound of a baby's laughter was heard, seeming to be the only noise in Touma's quiet world. Rolling over, the high school boy sat on his crossed legs and looked to the white-haired baby sitting across from him.
Nuit Ma Ahathoor Hecate Sappho Jezebel Lilith Crowley looked back to Touma with a wide smile only a toothless newborn could ever make. The intelligence and supernatural miracles she had once been capable of were long gone as her pure soul had acquired a flesh and blood vessel for her to exist in the world. Right now, she was an ordinary baby, possibly a year old, and lacked the memories of even meeting her father.
Touma's eyes grew hot. His throat quivered to the point faint sounds could be heard from his trembling lips.
"Aba! Aba, ba, ba, da!"
Gibberish was spoken by a happily babbling baby who gestured her arms at the silent teen. She was seeking his attention like any other ordinary baby would.
Sitting across from Touma was a child whose father had desired nothing but happiness in her life. A child who hadn't even the capability of mind to understand both her mother and father were dead, leaving her without her parents in a world she had once been pronounced dead. The silly, giggling, babbling, happy girl who was reaching a tiny hand to the miserable boy, didn't even have a single tear in green eyes. All she knew right now was happiness even though she had lost so much before she could even crawl.
This was the origin of Aleister Crowley's happiness and hatred of the world.
Slowly, a right hand twitched and lifted itself up. Just like that scene he had seen in that foggy city, in the memories of Academy City's Board Chairman, he reached out a fingertip for the baby to grasp.
Excited laughter was heard as Lilith used both of her hands to grasp Touma's right finger.
"...Touma."
"Human."
There was no holding it back anymore. Not like this. Not when that bastard's dream was grasping his hand and giving him such a sweet laugh devoid of tragedy.
Clear liquid dropped from his eyes as his vision blurred. The world disappeared, leaving behind only the happy child playing with his finger.
Life wasn't fair- to either of them.
But one of them still had the strength to express such blinding happiness. Even though there was nothing but tragedy that had led them here.
"You were always the manipulative asshole, huh?"
There was no bite in Touma's words, coming off more amused than bitter.
He'd already confronted Aleister, rejected his ideals and hatred, punched him in the face, and found ground to stand by the idiot's side. His adventures with 'Alies-tan' had been strange, horrifying, painful, cruel, and brought him to the very brink of death but there had also been fun times too. Up until the very end of their climax against Great Demon Coronzon, he had desired nothing more than the man, woman, whatever he decided to be, to eventually dust his hands of all the violence and instead grasp the long thought to be lost opportunity to raise Lilith with a smile.
Aleister Crowley was dead. Nothing would change that. The dead could not be brought back to life.
Touma grinned at the happy infant through tears.
"Seriously, what did you think I would say when seeing a smile like this? It's not like I can just abandon them now, can I?"
It was left unsaid whether he'd agreed to the will of Aleister. And he felt it was right to leave it like that right now. Because it really didn't matter.
Yes?
No?
Finger hugged by a sweet child, Touma said…
[-]
District 1 was one of the few locations in Academy City Touma had never visited. For obvious reasons. And he was pretty sure he would have continued on that way, so long as Magicians, Magic Gods, Mad Scientists, Espers, or any other kind of trouble typically causing him grief kept away from said district. The administration sect had very few services to offer a high school student unless it had to do specifically with lodgings, transferring to a new school, licenses, and other boring governmental documents.
As expected of such a district, it was full of nothing but office buildings. There was very little to be found in the way of entertainment, restaurants, or even parks. It was purely administrative in design. Unlike most of the city, students were very spare on the streets, replaced by adults wearing the typical office wear.
Finding the exact building he needed to visit for a change of housing wasn't easy even with the help of Othinus to guide him through the instructions on his phone.
"Head straight, make a left on the corner, and after walking past three doors, take the elevator on the right, FloorE12, and once you, make your way…"
Touma nodded absently, thanking the bland-toned but very pretty receptionist at the front desk before walking ahead with said instructions being repeated back to him by the mini-god on his shoulder. There seemed to be a lot of twists and turns around every corner in the mundane office setting, far more than he would have expected for merely discussing a change of housing to fit the two new occupants to his dorm.
Othinus thought as much, a green eye narrowing as Touma had to once again take another elevator to some new location. It took the former Magic God only a few moments upon growing suspicious to realize what was going on.
"I see. I suppose if it involves those two, he would involve himself with such matters, no matter how mundane they seem. I'd wondered how they were able to remain in Academy City for this long now that he was in charge."
"?"
"Nothing, human. As I'm sure you'll come to the answer soon enough."
He wasn't sure he cared for how ominous the former war god was being. After all, he was simply going to request a change of housing. Which in itself was going to be a rather boring, dry, and stressful procedure involving why he was requesting for bigger space, skirting by outright telling them he was now supporting a mourning cat-lady and a baby on a Level-0s salary, convincing the administration not involve his parents, and still being a minor who didn't even have a license. He had enough to worry about as is without his Othi-chan piling on more.
Another corner went, this time followed by a set of stairs sending him down rather than up- he just took two elevators up! Annoyance was quickly setting in as he felt his lungs begin to burn from all the cardio he was partaking in.
Only when he his feet hit the final step to the ground floor of whatever level he reached, did he stop.
A cold shiver rattled his spine.
The iron bar staircase he had been walking down had originally been simple and narrow, giving him no clear understanding of whatever floor level he would be stopping at or how long it traveled; up or down.
But upon reaching what he presumed to be the final step, it felt like everything, the stairwell, the walls, the ceiling, the bottom, even the lights, had crumbled to dust around him with an audible snap. Leaving the stunned high school boy standing in an incredibly narrow gray-walled corridor fit for only one person to traverse. He was suddenly reminded of a prison.
A single iron door glared at him from down the path.
Anxious sweat dripped down Touma's forehead.
...Was this a spell? An Esper ability? Now?! Seriously?! Couldn't he have one goddamn day to himself to take care of personal matters?!
"Do you think punching the walls will break me out of whatever tantrum the mysterious bastard cutting my free time to bits has trapped me in?"
"You can certainly well try."
A dry clap was heard.
"Damn it! How is this real?! This is all clearly some kind of mental or physical fabrication meant to trap me into confronting some angst crybaby! I-I think I sprained a finger."
"Or perhaps you were under their spell from the moment you stared at that bland and busty receptionist's directions? Terrible memory? Please, I saw your eyes eagerly gulping down the tantalizing skin of that skanky woman with revealing lingerie poking out of her open blouse. You've been thinking about those clothed bags of fat this entire time, despite wanting to support a widowed woman and her child in your dorm; unfaithful."
"...I think Mina was wearing the same bra. Could have sworn I saw a similar pattern casually tossed aside onto my bed this morning. Where is she even getting the yen to buy such sexy underwear, and why? She's been flashing all sorts of new and exciting garter belts these last few days whenever she finds the opportunity. She's gotten really creative in her routine."
"...This is my Understander? A pervert with a creepy right hand that breaks something precious and sacred in girls and women? Why am I okay with this? Is this really my type? Or am I the depraved one?!"
"Seriously! Are you just going to stand here and babble like a couple of morons, or are you going to hurry the fuck up, ya third string!?"
Touma immediately straightened up his posture at the roaring voice echoing from further down the thin corridor.
T-That voice...it kinda sounded like-
He gulped, steeling himself as he continued forward to the single iron door ahead.
Upon entering the room, he found himself in what he could only equate to a prisoner visiting booth found in correctional institutes. It was cut down the middle by plexiglass that stopped at the counter set up for both sides of the room to meet. Only two seats could be found, leaving no room for anyone else to be involved in the visit. Touma had to wonder why there were several holes in the acrylic window; was it to make it easier for them to speak? It was a bland room with no decoration, only a counter for either side to seat and speak, and colored with white, gray, and black.
And sitting with a disgruntled scowl on their face on the other side of the prisoner visiting booth was none other than the newly minted Head Chairman of Academy City.
The #1 Level-5, Accelerator.
"...Nice suit."
"Tch."
Huh, no violent rebuttal? Not even a curse?
Accelerator's time as Academy City's ruler had already begun to change the once monstrous white devil. Appearance-wise, he had done away with his usual white coat, replaced by a formal two-piece suit and tie, fitting his slim build nicely and even making the young boy appear more mature when combined with his straightened white hair(had his hair grown out a bit?). Accelerator appeared more professional, more collected, regal, and actually fit the character build of a young entrepreneur to some budding start-up company.
It seemed a lot had changed since the last time he had caught eye of Accelerator in England. In a matter of days since the final crack was heard in the conflict between Aleister and Coronzon, the white-haired monster had gone through an incredible growth spurt in character and mind. Even his usual chaotic blood-red eyes had simmered down, cooling to leave a sharp threatening gaze instead of a usual furious, bloodthirsty, and wild snarl. It was honestly a bit jolting to see.
Those cool red eyes showed some irritation as Touma continued to stand awkwardly. Seriously, it felt like he was some child being reprimanded by his father over some schoolyard brawl. Taking a seat, Touma anxiously awaited the new Board Chairman to speak first, confused about the boy's appearance in such a bland building.
"You know how troublesome it is to set up such an intricate series of twists and turns involving both machines and esper abilities without your dumbass ruining it? If it hadn't been for that big tittied chick at the reception desk distracting you in order for the first 'ritual' to be set, it would have all fallen apart."
"Ritual? Wait, why did you make it so confusing and annoying to meet you? Why am I meeting you? If you wanted to talk, you could have just called."
"I'm the Head Chairman, ruler of Academy City, the single most important person in all of the Science side. The number of idiots after my head has multiplied like some sick bacterial infection desiring to make its name in the medical books. I can't simply drop by some random building without the crumbs of the Darkside shivering with anticipation, so I've had to use some crafty tricks to get those starving mutts off my back. The usual tricks won't work anymore, so I've had to take advantage of a certain demon in crafting new twists to lead those starving mutts astray. Science and Magic; tch, apparently I'm crossing some dusty old lines drawn in the sand by a couple of shitty old farts stuck in the dark ages by doing so, but who gives a damn? The world's heading in a new direction ever since the planet bore witness to giant angelic hands bursting from the earth, so might as well speed things along."
Pink.
From behind the cool-faced delinquent-turned-principal, a slight shimmer of pink...tendrils could be seen squirming. Was it him, or was he being glared at by a needy eldritch trash girl?
"I can see explaining all the steps needed to take to get you here will only go over your pea-brain, so let's skip it over. After all, an idiot like you wouldn't make his way all the way to District 1 unless there was someone needing to be beaten down and lectured to the third degree. Seeing as I haven't spotted any troublemakers as of late and even went as far as shutting down a few mutterings from a bunch of uppity punks, then you only have one reason to be running over with a handful of documents clutched in your hand."
The aforementioned papers were wrinkled, a bit roughed up, and may have been stained with bits of coffee and food from a chaotic breakfast this morning. Index was...still adjusting to the introduction of a sexy cat witch playing the role of mother in their tiny dorm home. Plenty of battles were waged, all one-sided since the naughty black cat witch had some incredible strength behind her slim figure. Plenty of wrestling moves had been learned amid all the scuffles.
Seriously, what was so bad about sharing a bed? She was always insisting on him sleeping with her(bad thoughts, bad thoughts, bad sexy thoughts!), so what was the problem with a nurturing woman like Mina?
Accelerator eyed the damaged documents, tapping his pointer finger on the table in a gesture for the spiky teen to pass them over the open slot at the bottom of the glass.
"Sloppy. Were you seriously confident that your lousy handwriting would be acceptable, least of all passable? What is with the adults of this city? How ignorant are they? A nosy nun and calico cat; how have you gone this long without management knocking on your door over noise complaints? Or is this Aleister's work too? Hn, hn, hn? No income, no past work experience, a shitty Level-0 stipend, a rather decent allowance from your parents but only once a month, and a record on Anti-Skill's database? The fuck's with this hospital record? Are you diseased? You don't even have credit; good or bad. And are you seriously admitting to wanting a bigger space because you have a grown-ass woman and a baby living with you; you don't even have the balls to say you knocked her up."
"Oi, that's private information you're listlessly reading! I see you smirking, you bastard! You saw my stipend, didn't you!? Are you begging me to leap over and bash my fist in your smug face?!"
"...Was I really this violent in my youth? Tch, you brats are all the same."
"We're the same age! ...I think. How old are you anyway? Wait, I think I saw your age in those documents I found concerning the Level-6 project. Funny, looking back on it, I couldn't make out your gender either. The kanji was messed up. You are a guy...right? I mean, then again, you are kinda slim and-"
"Sexual harassment. Added on to your permanent record, you sleazy excuse for human garbage."
"Slander and lies!"
Done with said coffee-stained documents(Accelerator recognized the brand and stubbornly nodded in approval) the new Board Chairman set them down and stapled his fingers together.
"Let's stop screwing around. You and I both know why I'm here. And don't play that third-string bull shit with me, hero." Accelerator narrowed his eyes coldly at the stiff postured Level-0, "You aren't so dim in that head of yours to not put it all together. Knowing you, you probably had some inkling that you wouldn't have a normal meeting with some boring-faced adult after making the third turn."
Touma scowled, sighing as he knew what Accelerator was getting at.
"Mina and Lilith."
"Seriously, did you think I wouldn't notice such abnormalities in my city? Those two aren't normal. I'm not even sure you can label either one of them human when compared to the likes of the Sisters. Mina Mathers was that bastard's personal supercomputer with calculations that are a step above even me, radiating an insane amount of magical energy even in her weak vessel. And that baby? I don't understand all this natural sin crap but even I can sense something isn't right thanks to my demon. Compared to the Level-5s, they're a step above just by sheer potential. Calling them nuclear warheads doesn't seem apt."
Tense fingers balled up.
"They're blueprints. Potential designs to weapons of mass destruction in the hands of shitty assholes who have nothing better to do than whine about the world and get themselves hard at the possibility of fucking up the world. Just because one of them is an infant, and the other has the appearance of a desperate cosplaying housewife, doesn't make them any less frightening than a monster like myself. Let's not forget that they're here illegally and associated with the opposite power of this world: Magic. Perhaps these kinds of dangers would be allowed under that bastard's rule but I'm different. I have to be more cautious and consider the safety of those under my protection."
Appearances didn't matter. Innocence didn't matter. Intentions didn't matter.
If an individual or a gathering of people found themselves labeled as a threat to the blissful peace of Academy City's citizens and espers, Accelerator wouldn't ignore them.
Threats had to be dealt with as swiftly as possible. Chances couldn't be taken.
Before even that initiative could be unveiled on Christmas, those newborn specks of violence would need to be plucked.
A pale white finger tapped the counter on their side, creating a shuddering echo that most likely caused the entire building to tremble.
"Academy City has gone through enough disasters, in thanks to pieces of shit like the two of us, and I'm sick of its people having to pay the price for the damages our conflicts spread. We're entering a new era under my leadership, and it won't be long until everything is out in the open, so I can't have two potential honey-scented WMDs sticking with a troublemaker like you. I'm done being part of the problem; I have to be the fucking solution. Being the bad guy isn't anything new to me. The only difference is that I don't have to accept fixing my problems with blood and pain."
Cool red orbs narrowed into slits withholding the once-cackling monster who only knew how to kill and slaughter. The New Board Chairman of Academy City sat before one of his students, staring them down and speaking to them as any authoritative adult would to a typical thug.
"Listen up, Hero: I want them out. I'm not taking any more chances with the peace of my students and citizens if I can help it. It's only a matter of time before another end-of-the-world battle arises because of those two and you, and I refuse to have Academy City pay the price for whatever bloody fight erupts because of them. It's only because this involves you that I'm asking you to safely send them away. Otherwise, I'd personally take care of this matter myself with the assistance of that new head of the magic side."
The fact that Accelerator, of all people, was asking, was absurd as it was.
Being the leading figure of an entire half of the world had accelerated his maturity. He had done what Kamijou Touma had always struggled to achieve: to become someone better. To abandon having to paint his fists with blood at every conflict, and instead use only his words and resources to achieve his goals.
At that moment, Touma felt envious.
Envious...but proud of the white-haired monster who had undergone such a shift of personality and mind to no longer be seen as The #1 Accelerator.
Who sat across from him was The #1 Board Chairman of Academy City.
"You've really grown, huh? Tch, have I been slacking that much?"
"?"
Even Accelerator hadn't been able to discern what was silently whispered beneath Touma's breath. For whatever reason, the spiky-haired troublemaker was smiling.
"Not happening."
"I'm sorry, but I could have sworn you just said something incredibly retarded, Third-rate."
"Let me make this perfectly clear; utilize your ability however you can to catch this. So long as I stay in Academy City, and I'm going to stick around however long it takes to graduate(God damn it, I won't fail!), Lilith and Mina are staying right by my side. Like hell I'm just going to kick them out into the world just because you're afraid of what might or might not happen because of something as intangible as potential!"
Even if they were separated by bulletproof glass capable of withstanding even a fraction of Accelerator's power, Touma stood up and swung his right hand in the face of the glaring Board Chairman of Academy City.
Potential threats? Blueprints to magical WMDs? Who came up with this shit?!
What the fuck did that have to do with the happiness and well-being of Mina and Lilith?!
"You can find them a perfect home with the help of the new Archbishop of England's magical forces. You can support them with endless funds! You can provide them benefits and care a high school idiot like me can't even provide a fraction of to himself! I won't give a shit. I'm not abandoning them for your safety of mind. Just like you wouldn't give up Last Order if it meant she'd have a better life not tainted by your sins; I've promised those girls the same. They're my responsibility and I won't toss them aside just to make you happy!"
Warm.
That warmth nestled in his palm. The blissful smile and giggle absolutely free of misery.
In his right hand, cursed with eternal disaster and pestilence, he had taken hold of another person's dream.
Who cares if it had all been part of a well-orchestrated plan? What he had felt wasn't some damn lie! Like it was something so flimsy or weak that he could discard if he was given the chance to abandon either of them!
"You fucking idiot. Do you want me to repeat myself? Twice?" Blood-red eyes, once calm and tempered by responsibility, grew wild. White teeth were flashed in a familiar monstrous snarl warning of an ugly slaughter.
This meeting wasn't needed. As the Head Chairman in charge of Academy City as a whole, standing above all others as its very center, the tools he was granted were limitless. Accelerator could have gone with his plans another way. Talking wasn't helpful. All it would take was a few orders and he could get what he desired onto the world without having to bloody his hands again.
The Principal of the school had no need to give their student the option of throwing contraband away. It would be beneath them to do so; a sign of weakness.
But because Accelerator respected Kamijou Touma, and owed him far more than he could ever repay for leading him down this path, he had decided to talk some reason into the shadow he had longed to follow.
Blood red and steely dark blue clashed.
"They're dangers to Academy City."
"What the hell gives you the right to say that? Especially when compared to the powder kegs known as Level-5s and all the other hidden 'bombs' concealed by Academy City."
"They don't belong here. Even if one is an infant, they're magicians without even visas, let alone IDs! Legally, I have every damn right to kick them out!"
"Then kick me out too! Because wherever they, wherever they decide to live the rest of their lives, I'll be by their side every step of the damn way!"
"This isn't a fucking negotiation, fuck-wad! You can't protect them. You can't support them! How's a loser who can only punch his shitty problems away gonna hold down a stable life for a child?! Think for a second; for once in your fucked up life, think about how you're going to keep them happy!"
"I'll figure it out. I don't need to have a well-thought-out plan for the future. When the hell have I ever needed to have something planned out in order to help anyone? The aftermath and the struggle can be dealt with when needed; it was the same with The Sisters. Even if they were to be revealed to the world and I was brought out in the involvement of the project, I'd deal with it!"
SMASH!
Fury erupted with a roar of demolishing obliterating bulletproof glass. An explosive shockwave rang out in the cell prison-like room, sending debris and smoke blasting forward like the buckshot of a shotgun.
Even as Touma felt a few bits and even chunks of the now destroyed barrier of the visiting room pelt his body, he didn't shield his eyes from the awaiting beast breaking free. He stood forward in the face of the menacing figure casually stepping over the shambles of glass, concrete, and dust. Thick cracks marred the entirety of the floors and walls like overgrown vines breaking free from the earth and threatening to split the place apart like a cracking walnut.
It hadn't been said but what had been easily destroyed hadn't been ordinary glass.
The room itself wasn't ordinary.
Inwardly, Accelerator clicked his teeth in annoyance at how it had only taken an angered slam of his fist on the counter for the barrier to fall apart. The visitation room had been an experiment designed to withstand just a fraction of his exuded ability in times of stress. Yet it couldn't even handle that?
Sighing at the long and descriptive talk to the eggheads he had charged with building him a room to contain his power, Accelerator traced a long pale finger at his collar.
Five minutes.
Just five minutes and that would be it.
"Accelerator, #1 Monster, The One Way Road, the cackling fuck who slaughtered thousandths of innocent girls; I'm putting him to rest today. No more rampages. I was hoping the burial wouldn't need anything physical to symbolize the closing chapter. But if you're so adamant about getting in my way of taking a step into the future I'm envisioning, how about you help me dig up a hole for the ugly corpse?"
"Guess this is how it typically is with us, huh? When we can't get the other to see the other's ideals through, we can only hammer out convictions into the other until someone gives."
"Last chance: I'll make sure they have a nice home and are supported by the Archbishop. I'll even allow visitations. For all I care, you can fuck off if you ever graduate and run away to wherever they're stashed; Aleister may have wanted you trapped here for his own plans but a Third-rate like you isn't needed for my Academy City. Just say the word and I'll give you whatever form of communication you need to monitor them 24-7. This isn't abandonment, it's being responsible."
"Shut the hell up and turn on that choker of yours, so I can run back home already. There's a sale on baby formula I need to catch as soon as possible. I refuse to play around with the idea of that sexy frilly garter belt-wearing wife suggesting breastfeeding! My roaring adolescence can't take that chance!"
Accelerator's right eye twitched as his lips peeled back in a nasty and cruel grin.
Touma cracked his right fist with a wolfish grin.
Maybe this was just how the two could truly speak to the other. When words failed, all they could do was strike against the other and force the other to soak their ideals.
One last time.
For one last violent clash, the two would discard their previous selves in the wake of the other's defeat and step forward to a new future. The hole simply needed to be dug out and the funeral could truly begin. No matter who won, it was obvious that something would be buried in the wake of this final roar of burning adolescence before either could mature.
The Number #1 Esper.
A Normal High School Boy.
The road they would be traveling had no need for such titles in order to progress. Not even the stubborn wielder of Imagine Breaker could simply continue living that normal life he longed for in every bloody fight. Leaving his dorm room would be one of the many he would have to take in order for baby Lilith and Mina Mathers to have a life he could fight to keep happy.
"So, you're going to shatter my illusions, you bitch?"
"I don't see any illusions here. Do you?"
The hurricane of destruction was unleashed with the click of a button and the crack of a fist.
[-]
Rattling was heard.
When Touma awoke to the smell of medicine and alcohol, he hadn't expected to feel such a soft weight on his bandaged chest. The groggy spiky teen struggled to sit up, his vision still blurry and his senses feeling like they were muted after being knocked out for who knows how long.
"L-Lilith?"
Once his eyes adjusted to the foggy figure on his chest, he was taken back to find the babbling baby girl sitting atop of him. Having still not had the time to go out shopping for modern-day clothing for his new ward, the silver-haired infant was dressed in old-timey clothes with what looked like some kind of apple sauce(?) staining her dress. In her tiny hands was a rattle she was busy amusing herself with. The noise that had roused him from his sleep had been the baby girl's playing.
Touma stared at baby Lilith, mind still struggling to come to after…
Wait...what had happened earlier? Why the hell was he in the hospital?! It hadn't even been a week since arriving from England and he was already visiting Heaven Canceler? Damn it, the new year was right around the corner! He wanted to start things off on a clean bill of health and this wasn't a promising sign of being able to achieve such a simple resolution!
Gradually the events leading him to be patched up for what felt like the hundredth time by Heaven Canceler surfaced up.
As always a fight had broken out. Fists had been thrown. He was pretty sure several floors of whatever building they had been throwing down in had collapsed in the mayhem. Rubble poured down upon the clashing figures of white and black in the wild brawl where very little talking had been made. From the outside, from those looking on from the streets of District 1, it must have appeared as if bombs had been implanted into the floors of the office building and been detonated one by one.
'-amages are estimated to be over three hundred thousand. Little is known of the random attack upon the boarding office other than it having been an attack between two unknown espers, believed to have been apprehended. Due to the age of said espers, their identities are being withheld from the general public. The New Board Chairman has given a statement to the attack-'
The news of the battle was being played over the TV close by, no doubt being played off as one of the many typical attacks spurned by rowdy espers. For Academy City, this wasn't anything new. Supernatural battles were the accepted norm. It was kinda funny to hear a statement from Accelerator condemning the attacks and going on about changes to the city's education system to prevent further accepted destruction from plaguing their city.
It was of course a written statement read by some plucky brunette new's anchor with an open blouse to reveal a bit of cleavage for the audience. Touma could picture the white-haired tamed beast scowling and grumbling to himself in some secluded private room while nursing a busted lip and black eye.
Lips curled happily.
A right hand wrapped up in bandages was raised and patted the wide-eyed baby on his lap.
"Guess the real fight begins now, huh, Lilith."
Baby Lilith clapped her hands with a bright giggle.
Very little had been said between all the blows, and honestly? Not even he was confident on who exactly had won just as one last floor above their heads collapsed upon them. The ending was blurred and corrupted by all the damage he had endured against the Number #1 Accelerator. Words had been said though, a final exchange between the two boys ready to shed their old selves for the safety and happiness of others.
'Don't fuck up, Hero.'
Those were the last words Touma had heard from an equally battered and bloodied Accelerator. Nothing more needed to be said or explained between them from here on out.
Lilith and Mina were safe. From here on out, he wouldn't have to fear either one of those girls, including Index, of being deported from their home for simply walking out into the streets. No more hiding or worrying about Anti-Skill or Judgment. No more anxiety built up by the thought of the dorm manager one day inspecting his home and finding the illegal freeloaders living in what is supposed to be a one-person boy's dorm.
Before his eyes was the symbol of one man's love and hate for the world, giggling innocently with the biggest toothless grin he had ever seen. Born without sin. A warm bundle of love that had been recorded in history as lost to the tragedy of an era long gone.
Kamijou Touma had fought Accelerator, the new Board Chairman, for the right to raise a baby not his own. What a strange turn not even this disaster magnet would have seen coming after enduring infinite hells.
Touma blinked dumbly as if such a realization had truly sunk in.
"Wait, does that make me your new 'Tou-san'? I agreed to raise you, so, technically, wouldn't that mean I basically adopted you? Seriously?! B-But I'm still a virgin! I've yet to lose my innocence to a busty dorm manager onee-san with a thing for miserable idiots! Wait, wait, wait! That damn new Board Chairman never did accept my application for new boarding! That damn albino bitch! Did he think he was cool in leaving the status of my accommodations vague?"
Far too young to truly comprehend the ranting of the mummy Touma, Lilith simply nodded her head as if agreeing with the teen who would be her new father.
"Keep talking shit, you piss-ant. See where it gets you. Come on, I dare you."
Touma sputtered mid-rant as an all too familiar voice was heard close by. Only now did the idiot realize that a baby blue privacy curtain raised between him and another occupant of his normally private room.
An intense pressure and killing intent pierced the curtain between them as if desiring to skewer its target.
No. No, no, no. T-they wouldn't, right?
"Albino bitch?"
"...So, you have chosen death. Good answer."
Sweating buckets, Touma decided to bite the bullet and pull back the curtain.
Reclined in his own bed was the newly minted leader of all of Academy City, Accelerator. The Ultra VIP wore the same comfy hospital pajama-like gown and had an IV inserted in his wrist. Unlike Mummy-Jo, the white-haired principal's wounds seemed to have been focused on his face with bandages and gauze. On closer inspection, one could see a few rolls peeking out of the collar of his gown and a few splints on his right hand.
Irritation painted the moon-pale retired beast's face. Seemed he was napping before Touma woke up and decided to trash-talk about him behind his back.
"Why?"
"Ask the frog-faced fuck why. I was expecting a private room fit for the leader of the entire science side of the world. Instead, I'm left completely vulnerable within a Level-0s room; why the fuck does your pathetic ass have his own private facility? I don't even have my own VIP room with my name plaque outside where the room number should be!"
"They actually put up that gaudy golden platted plaque?"
"What's with the nurses, Hero? I thought your constant retarded spouting about Onee-san's or some shit was your fetish, so why are nurses always visiting to sweetly stare at your sleeping face? It's creepy. It's like watching some starving pack of hyenas eyeing a sleeping deer. Were it not for the baby-brat the wet nurse left behind, I'm positive they would have pounced and devoured you whole."
"Adah."
"Seems you already have fans, Lilith. Bet those wide-hipped nurses were all over you; Lucky."
"I wonder if this denseness was merely the fault of that shitty he-she bastard-bitch. The fucker was monitoring you constantly, so he must have had some hand in your upbringing and education. Fuck me, I have to deal with this now. I don't think detention will correct that backward ass head of yours and clearly physical punishment does jack shit."
"...Can you please stop cursing? There's a baby in the room who's in her formative years, so it's very important to keep certain words out of her vocabulary. The last thing I need is little Lilith calling me a bitch as her first word."
Glowering aside, Accelerator exhaled tiredly and let his head hit the soft pillow of his bed.
With what was about to be done in the coming days, he would savor what comforts he could get.
"Like I said: Don't fuck up, Hero."
Judging by how the spiky-haired boy had stopped playing with the baby on his lap and stared at the white-haired Head Chairman, it seemed he was missing some key moments of their battle. Shifting his sore body for a better position on the comfortable mattress, blood-red eyes stared up at the ceiling and spoke plainly.
"Mina Mathers and Lilith are hereby citizens of Academy City. IDs and other vital documented crap will be forged for their benefit in order to live whatever days of their lives they desire in my city without fearing being deported. I suppose the same goes for that silver-haired Sister of yours too; how the hell does she already have papers? I have all the boring papers to transfer you to a decent residence in District 7. And for all the shit you've been put through, and to make sure that small brat you're raising doesn't have to suffer from your crap, your stipend will be raised to properly accommodate your new living situation. It's not a fortune but it's enough to get by pleasantly enough. So long as you all remain in my city, you won't have anything to fear normally. And I fucking mean in the normal sense: bills, housing, food, healthcare, and security."
Twisting his head to the side to properly glare at Touma, Accelerator's words were leveled and clear.
"They're your responsibility. Mine is to the people of Academy City, so that will extend to you idiots as well. But any trouble attracted by either five of you is yours to deal with. I can afford to clean the mess you leave behind, property damage isn't anything new to this city and only opens up avenues to experiment with new construction technology, but you'll have to take responsibility for the fucker's out for your blood. They're your family, so stop fucking around and learn to fix your shit before it devolves into everyone having to pay for your naivety in blood and despair."
Grow up.
Beneath all the words were two measly words at the heart of the matter. And Touma understood that.
Being your average, ordinary, high school boy...it wouldn't cut it from here on out. Not when the people underneath his care continued to grow and now included a baby. Just the mere addition of Lilith, by herself, drastically changed the playing field for him. He had come to that startling realization from the first moment he realized his living space was too small for them all.
Once upon a time, Kamijou Touma's world had been small, incredibly small. Perhaps, in those days before his final summer, his world had always been small.
But since that summer day on which he awoke to the teary, smiling face of Index, without memories of who he was or what he cared about, that tiny bubble had continued to stretch. Until it had finally popped.
With a hand resting on baby Lilith's soft head, brushing a few silver locks aside that earned him a blubber of words from the giggling girl, Touma accepted the change he was ready to take. He didn't need anyone pointing it out to him.
"I don't know what it entails exactly, or what I have to change about myself in order to fulfill it, but I promise: I'll make you, and Mina, happy. I'll do whatever it takes so that you can come to adore the world you were born in and live each day with a laugh on your lips."
He wouldn't abandon being the kind of high school boy you can find anywhere else. But he would become more for the benefit of the innocent life who only knew how to giggle and smile.
Unseen by Touma, the hint of a smile could be seen making its way on the stoic Head Chairman as he turned his head away from the scene.
Warm scene aside…
"Wait, where are Index, Mina, and Othinus? Actually, where is Othinus in general? Shit! Didn't I have her in my jacket pocket during the entire bloody fight?!"
"Yes, you did, you ignorant and cruel human! How long were you going to forget about your personal goddess?! Just look at me!"
Wriggling could be felt underneath Touma's bed pillow with such ferocity he was surprised he didn't hear growling or see sharp claws tearing through. Silky blond hair could be seen before his pillow was kicked off with an almighty roar.
At the sound of an all too familiar declaration of pain and punishment, Touma quickly scooted away with baby Lilith clutched to his chest until he sat at the very edge of his bed. Malice gained a physical form in the shape of the furious single-eyed green of the barbie-sized Othinus standing up straight from where his head had rested (Had...had she been there the entire time?!). And judging by the sight of small bandages and gauze on her lovely skin(which was red as her anger had overtaken her entire form) she had bore witness to the entire fight between himself and Accelerator.
Having a front-row seat to such devastation came with its dangers. And Palm-sized Othinus The Mini-Magic God was just lucky that her size had saved her from suffering only some scratches and bruises in the spray of chaos those two idiots had wrought.
"O-Othi-chan-"
"Don't 'Othi-chan' me, you dull-headed fool."
Touma shivered in both mind, body, and soul at the seething glare of his Understander. He knew that look. Knew it all too well. Was it weird that even his organs were trembling? Just how traumatized was his entire being to be left so frightened by the cute doll god that he appeared like a baby kitten being glowered at by a giant dog?
It was only because the spiky-haired teen was hugging the happily babbling Lilith that Othinus refrained from striking him down with divine judgment. With a pinch of her brow as he calmed herself down, Othinus eased up on her killing intent in order to speak without further bringing that boy close to tears.
"The next time you decide to rush ahead into a fight with an angsty albino without a sex drive wielding the power of god, remember this: I'm. In. Your. Pocket. Had I not tossed myself aside after the third round of punches you idiots threw in your squabble, I'd be dead. And don't think you've escaped retribution. A god always delivers painful judgment."
"...I'll make you those home-baked fries with that new stew I learned with lamb and celery tonight."
"You're offerings have only lessened the punishment."
Small chubby fingers eagerly sought for the wrathful mini-god's attention as Touma sagged. With a wary stare, Othinus carefully stepped back from the babbling Lilith. As the plaything of a calico cat, she wasn't eager to be slobbered over by a baby, no matter how cute she was.
The mystery of Othinus's whereabouts was solved. Now, where were Index and Mina?
"Seduction Technique #11: Flashing Garter Belt Nurse."
Inhuman strength slammed the hospital room's door wide open with a shotgun-like bang. Out of four occupants(A cripple, a mini-witch doll, a baby, and a high school boy) only Touma was startled and held his covers up protectively. And no, he was not shaking with tiny tears in the corner of his eyes! Considering what had kicked the door open though, he had every right to be frightened.
All too familiar milky white thighs were flashed by the wet nurse, Mina Mathers as she stepped in. Her normal wear of constellation-themed mourning clothes was absent, traded in for a skimpy black-colored nurse uniform with an all-too-short hem to allow her newest frilly garter belt to be seen. A wooden clipboard, most likely borrowed by the too-kind nurses, was pressed against her big chest, concealing her open cleavage and stethoscope buried in her breasts. And with no shame to herself, the middle-aged Golden Tarot lifted the short, short, hem of her nurses dress up like a flap and a cock of her wide hip at the gawking spiky boy.
"Flash, flash."
No amount of regularly seeing that humanized grimoire supercomputer would lessen the deep blush on Touma's face.
"Now, young Index. While the boy is stunned, deal the finishing blow to his smoldering heart."
Wait, what?
A green eye nervously peeked from behind the blank-faced mature nurse. Courage was gathered and soft hands clenched into fists as they stepped out with their long silver hair swaying gently behind her.
"F-Flash, flash?"
Index Librorum Prohibitorum, the keeper of a hundred thousand forbidden and toxic grimoires, an innocent and sweet nun with a blackhole for a stomach, who always wore a full body habit even on hot summer days, was gone.
A pretty silver-haired girl with lovely green eyes meekly walked out of the shadow of the big-breasted nurse, donning a similar nurse's uniform. Down to the short, short hem revealing the entirety of her smooth thighs. The only thing missing were the three buttons of her collar being undone to reveal her growing chest's cleavage and the frilly garter belt. Though perhaps it was for the best. The nurse's uniform was fine without any other additions to taint the cute, nervous, sweet, and innocent aura beaming from the young nun shakily lifting the edge of her dress.
An easily forgettable fact here was this: beneath the baggy habit, Index was a pretty girl with fair skin and growing curves. Styl Magnus, eat your heart out.
Touma's mouth fell down like an anvil as he stared with dinner plate wide eyes at the cute nun's meek thigh flash. Blood leaked from his chin as the very arousing sight struck something in his heart.
...Something was growing in the core of his being.
(Shake!)
"Success." Mina threw up a thumbs up in victory as the young nun beside her continued to tremble pitifully.
"Why did I agree to this!? I know I wanted to make Touma feel better, but how does my humiliation do him any good? He's not even laughing or smiling shyly! What's with that look on his face?"
"Worry not, young library child. Like the naughty boy, your adolescence is brimming with fierce flames. I promised to aid you in your desires, did I not? The first step is to abandon the sidelines and step up with a fire in your budding chest. Your flag will not stand on its own, so let your burning adolescence create the whipping winds that will draw attention back to its glory."
"But he's already seen me naked; more than thrice!"
"Sweet summer child; nudity is merely a baby step. I have much to teach you."
"...I am greatly questioning the sanity of my decision to allow that witch in my city. Mental note: never allow her to meet Yomikawa or Yoshikawa. (Shudder) or both. No, wait, it's Last Order I'm far more concerned about. That damn midget would eat up everything the desperate cat-lady's spouting. Suddenly, I'm more motivated to go through with that plan."
Taking a new seat(i.e. a giggling Baby Lilith's soft scalp) Othinus patted the catatonic high school boy.
"This is just a theory but hadn't the Grimoire Library memorized the new grimoire known as Secrets of The Black Cat Ritual in your confrontation with A.O. Francsica? A copy of that wicked woman's very being is now implanted into the girl like a sleeping toxin no different than the other books in her mind. With Mina Mathers now residing close by, won't her influence and thoughts easily corrupt the girl? Like a suggestive thought that one was already mulling over in the back of their head? This could pose a problem for a hormonal boy like you. You may not survive."
Touma uttered a gurgle of nonsense as his head lulled to the side. He was pretty sure his heart had stopped.
Mind still stalled by the double team of sexy, mature Mina Mathers and cute, innocent Index, he hadn't noticed Lilith being taken from his lap. Touma blinked groggily as he snapped out of his fantasies and found Mina standing by his bedside.
The blank-faced thought entity given a human vessel curled her lips softly. With natural ease, she hugged the baby in her arms to her bountiful chest like she were Lilith's true mother.
"There. That's the face I was longing to see again, dear."
What exactly had the mourning cat-witch been waiting to see? Only she knew for certain.
Touma felt his shoulders relax and his sore body grow lighter. Pain was a distant thought right now. Overpowering his wounds was a remarkable warmth spreading from his bandaged chest to soothe the stings and aches.
To the white-haired Head Chairman who looked away with a scoff and face he couldn't discern from happy or annoyed.
To the small goddess seated on the cooing baby Lilith's head like a watchful hawk.
To the embarrassed nun huddled in the corner of the room.
And to the human tarot AI who stood by his side patiently.
He smiled. A simple, broad, naive, and happy smile from the bottom of his heart.
"Looks like we'll have to start packing up when we head back. It might be a small space, but we have a lot of memories to move to our new home."
It was time to move forward to the next chapter of Kamijou Touma's life. He had no idea what would await him, what would change, what might be broken, what could be found, or what might be seen. But he wasn't afraid. Any fear or doubts clogging this choice had been buried in his fight with Accelerator. Meaning he could smile freely and happily at what would come next with his family.
Family.
Really, when had he come across such a title, and why had it taken him so long to find it? Funny how it took a wet nurse and a baby to cement the status of his little family officially. A lot of responsibilities were heading his way with the introduction of Lilith, so it was only fitting he stopped playing the role of a normal high school boy.
It was time to be the kind of normal everyday man you could find anywhere else.
At the very least he had Mina around to help raise Lilith by his side.
That comfortable little world you adore can not remain stagnant forever. Do not fear the change.
The beloved title of Your Average Highschool Student You Can Find Anywhere will not be enough. The roles of Boy and Father can not be compared, naive child.
At one point, you were miserably alone.
But misfortune or not, you are not that lonely boy anymore.
A life full of smiles and laughter.
For the sake of that newborn life, and those girls who have refused to abandon you, strive for the kind of everyday life where such a miracle can be claimed by even an unfortunate man like yourself.
Be The Kind of Average Father You Can Find Anywhere Else who can make those girls smile without fear.
And that's a wrap! I mean, for now.
To be honest, A Certain Dysfunctional Family was a project of sorts I had been meaning to write out as a full-fledged story. If I remember correctly, the idea actually came about from a discussion in my Discord server with a few other writers I talk to. I mulled over where Mina and Lilith must have disappeared off to, my brain went a-thinking, and boom! Story idea. And like many other ideas, I jutted it down with a brief summary and occasionally went back to it when I would hit a roadblock in my writing. I'd keep adding to it, bit by bit, and flesh out what I would have in mind.
It was only when I began planning out my one-shot focused fic, Of Lines That Could Be Found In Between, that I thought this story would be better off as a one-shot. Or, a series of one-shots. I do plan on coming back to this and adding more, you know, make it a story focused on Slice of Life moments as Touma tries to adjust to having to be a Father. As this story will involve Mina Mathers having to take the place of Mother for Lilith, I'd make it a Touma x Mina centered story. Thigh flashing abound. Let your burning adolescence roar!
As for when I would release the next part of this story here, I can't say yet. Again, I hadn't been planning on releasing this at all today! I wanted this one-shot to sit a bit more and see if there was anything more I wanted to alter before going through with final edits. There's a good reason as to why, which I will not explain with he big announcement. Blame Dark.
A-yup, I've opene treon. Several other authors I know have done it, and god knows how many PMs I get from fans asking me whether I'll do it too.
In the past, I'd shrug off the idea of doing so. This is a hobby I love to do. I'd always felt that being paid for my writing would tarnish it, ya know? Make me feel as if I have to write and upload when I don't want to. And that if I didn't upload anything, I'd be taking advantage of those who enjoy my content. It was only with talks with Darkbetrayer that I realized I was kinda being silly. It's not wrong to support someone if they want to. And, I guess, it would give me more motivation to actually upload the finished chapters I got sitting in the back, waiting to be released.
Because I didn't feel like speaking of such a plan in the making in the past without anything to show for it, I had been planning on doing a mega release to show commitment. I was going to upload a chapter to all of my ToAru fics with the announcement, along with a new story for both ToAru and RWBY as well. Ya know, content galore and all that jazz.
But Dark challenged me, and I said screw it.
Since the cat's out of the bag, I'd thought to announce the stuff to be published soon.
The Wandering Zero's Journey: A ToAru x Genshin Impact story, long in the making!
The Knight Who Fell Back To The World: A new RWBY story I've been working on for months!
Both new fics have been in my back row for a while now. As usual, I've been holding them off until I've completed a few chapters before release. Since The Wandering Zero's Journey is already at 5 chapters in completion, and The Knight Who Fell Back to The World is at 3, going on 4 soon, I'd thought I have them ready to go as I announced my P a treon. Honestly, if it weren't for having a full-time job that has me running two locations now, I'd have more completed by now.
Even now, I'm still hesitant to go through receiving this kind of support. Especially with my long upload time. I mean, damn. Sometimes it takes me months and months to show one chapter to one story. It's embarrassing. But I suppose I got more of a reason to get back to writing instead of going out to either drink or play games. I'm a sloth by nature, so this should be the right kind of motivation to get me back at it.
So long as Darkbetrayer doesn't distract me. That guy is an addict peddler, I swear. Why do I beta for one of his fics again?
Don't worry about the whole P-thing either. If ya just like to read, ignore it. Again, this is just an option for those who message me every once in a while about showing more support. I honestly still don't know how to use P-Tron(I'm just going to call it that now), so if you have any ideas on how I can improve it with more content options, message me or put in a review. I'm a caveman, so I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I should offer my services as an Editor since I already do that for a few people.
P a treon . com (slash) NeoShadows.
Read and Review! It's common courtesy.
NeoShadows fading in and out.
