Chapter Eight: Rough Terrain

It was now dawn and as the sun rose, Puss and friends got on their horses and continued on their journey. Not too far behind was Beauchat, Mordred and the rest of the Fisher King's soldiers.

"There's mountains directly ahead in a few miles," said Aladdin, "with a navigable canyon, but it will slow us down."

"Could we go around them," asked Puss.

"Due south," said Aladdin, "but don't go too far, there's a lot of loose sand in the area."

Puss looked behind him and saw lots of men on horses catching up. He then turned to Aladdin and asked "Could we lose them in the canyon?

"Most likely," replied Aladdin.

"We'll do it," said Puss.

"Don't I get a vote," asked Kitty.

"Look behind you," replied Puss, "there's no time."

Kitty looked back and saw their enemies approaching ever so quickly and said, "Damn, you're right."

"How close are we to the monastery," asked Brother Carlos.

"We can get there by dusk," said Aladdin, "if we keep moving and don't stop. We'd definitely have to go right through the river, as there won't be a bridge for miles."

"This sure sounds like fun," said Kitty as she charged her horse into the lead, "let's ride boys! Yah! Yah!"

Behind them, Beauchat watched from his horse through a telescope and saw his rivals charge into the canyon.

"Tout cela en vaudra la peine assez tôt (It will all be worth it soon enough)," muttered Beauchat to himself. He always planned to get the Grail for himself, he just needed the resources for such an expedition. Originally, he was going to snatch it from the Fisher King after he drank from it and it would be less likely to be missed. But given last night's events, he devised a new plan.

"Let's go," said Beauchat to the soldiers, urging them to chase Puss's party into the canyon.

"You are not in charge here," said Mordred, "I am. Charge!"

(Miserlou by Dick Dale)

Beauchat smiled as he let Mordred unwittingly act out his new master plan.

As several mounted soldiers approached, Brother Carlos sounded the alarm, alerting Puss, Kitty and Aladdin to ready for the fight.

"It's been awhile," said Kitty to Puss, "so let's see if you still got any good fighting skills on horseback."

"Aren't you just supposed to knock them off," asked Puss.

"And stay on your horse," replied Kitty, "Good luck Ginger!" She winked at him and slowed down her horse to get between two cavalry troops and went to work.

"No worries," said Puss, "there's not a blade on Earth that can touch me."

Just then, a sword swung dangerously close to Puss, who dodged it by bending over backwards. "Mierda," said Puss as he saw his reflection in the blade.

Then, Puss got up and blocked the next attack with his sword before parrying it, pushing the soldier off his horse and onto the dusty ground.

"Adios," said Puss before turning his attention to the next soldier, who had gotten up on the other side.

"Kill that cat," called out one of the soldiers from behind. The soldier next to Puss swung his blade, which Puss blocked. Then Puss leapt up and clawed the enemy in the face.

"Aaargh," he screamed.

"Pray for mercy," said Puss as he readied his sword, "from Puss," he stabbed the soldier in the chest, causing him to collapse, "In Boots." Puss quickly leapt back onto his horse and kept going.

Meanwhile, Kitty had just roundhouse kicked a soldier in the face, knocking him off his horse and into a wall of rock, landing with an audible thud. Then another one approached her, this time wielding a battle ax. He swung low, narrowly missing Kitty. Kitty dodged and hurled a throwing knife into the enemy soldier mid-air.

"Never mess with a real warrior," quipped Kitty as the slain enemy fell out of sight.

Aladdin and Brother Carlos found themselves side-by-side, with about four enemies approaching on both sides.

"Any ideas, moor," asked Brother Carlos.

"Hit them until they fall off," said Aladdin as he punched one, "that's all I can think of."

"Good idea," said Brother Carlos as a sword-toting soldier got alongside him. The soldier attempted to thrust his blade into the monk, who quickly swung his body aside to avoid the blade. As he did that, he instinctively moved his elbows, hitting the soldier square in the jaw and dismounting him.

As Aladdin and Brother Carlos continued to fight off the soldiers with their fists, Sir Mordred had caught up to Puss.

"Your pelt will look great over my fireplace," said Mordred as he thrusted his sword at Puss.

"Join the club," said Puss as he blocked the blade. "Besides," he continued as he parried the sword, "I've got about eight more lives left."

"More chances to kill you then," said Mordred as he swung down his blade again, only to be blocked by Puss.

"Senor Mordred," said Puss as he thrusted at Mordred, only to be blocked, "I have but one question for you."

"What would that be," asked Mordred smugly as he parried Puss's blade.

"How would you like your remains displayed?"

Mordred, not one to be insulted, especially by smaller, fairy tale creatures, took this to heart and began swinging in a blind rage.

"Fear me," said Puss as he calmly dodged and parried all of the blows, "if you dare!" Then he carved his signature P onto Mordred's thigh, forcing him to howl in pain.

Elsewhere, Kitty found herself face-to-face with Puss's nemesis, Beauchat.

"Hola Emile," said Kitty as she readied her sword, "sorry to run off on you, but you just aren't my type."

"I never cared about you either," said Beauchat with a smile as he drew his rapier, "I just like to fuck with Puss."

They swung their blades, managing to hit the other blade each time. It was obvious to Kitty that she had underestimated Beauchat's combat skills.
"Surprised, jeune fille" asked Beauchat.

Kitty pulled back her blade, escaping from the interlock with Beauchat's and slashed him along the face.

"Not enough," said Kitty with a wink.

"Salope," screamed Beauchat as he pressed down on the wound, "you fucking bitch! I ought to…"

Beauchat was cut off by a punch to the gut by Kitty, and a kick in the jaw, sending him flying off his horse into the sand.

As Kitty rode off, she turned back to Beauchat, who was still very much alive and shouting obscenities in French, and teasingly blew him a kiss.

Aladdin, having finished off the soldier's around him, noticed the rock outcroppings ahead were shaking.

"Holy crap," he said, before calling out to his party, "rock slide!"

Puss, who was preoccupied with Mordred, didn't hear this and kept going with his enemy.

"You see why they call me the Stabby Tabby now," he taunted Mordred with a light poke.

"Don't care," said Morded as he swung down at Puss. Puss blocked it, before quickly maneuvering and clawing Mordred in the face.

"I am absolutely kicking your ass," said Puss.

"Not for long," said Mordred as he backhanded Puss, who just barely managed to get a grip on his saddle.

"Hahahaha," Mordred laughed as he produced a dagger, prepared to finish Puss, "You're mine now!"

"I don't think so," said Puss, with a hint of fear as he gazed up wide eyed at the falling rocks. Puss held onto his horse and spurred it on. "Andale, andele," he commanded.

"Get back here you sorry-ass piece of," Mordred called out in anger, thinking Puss was abandoning the fight out of cowardice, before looking to his side at the falling rocks, "Shiiiiiiitttt!"

The rock slide hit Mordred and his horse at full force, instantly crushing the both of them and leaving the bodies buried under a thick pile of rock and dirt. This new formation cut off the soldiers behind, as well as Beauchat, who had hitched a ride on another soldier's horse.

"Parfait," Beauchat said to himself, realizing Mordred was now out of the picture, "this plan is going to be a lot easier than I thought." He then turned to the soldier's who he was now the de facto leader of and said, "We'll find a way around, make it to the monastery by night!"

—-

Puss, Kitty, Aladdin and Brother Carlos were now a good distance ahead, within sight of the River Jordan.

"Beautiful," said Aladdin, "isn't it."

"I would agree," said Brother Carlos, "it is a most glorious sight."

"I sure hope that rock slide slowed them down enough," added Kitty.

"Beauchat will get around it," said Puss, "he's good. Very good."

"Not as good as you, though," said Kitty, who instantly covered her mouth. She really didn't like seeing Puss full of himself, as he often was, so she didn't really like to shower him with compliments.

"What's the matter," teased Puss as they approached the river, "cat got your tongue?"

"Don't get a swollen head Puss," said Kitty, "just because we're friends and lovers doesn't mean I worship the ground you walk on."

"That's odd," said Puss, "I thought you liked a swollen head from me."

Kitty couldn't help but blush as she tried to find a comeback. Puss knew how to crack a good one-liner, that never changed. The four companions, knowing the enemy was close behind, kept going.

—-

Author's Note: Sorry it took longer than I wanted it too, but I have a full vision of where this is going and not going to stop soon. Also, fun fact about the song I chose for the horse chase, Miserlou, the famous surf-rock song you know from Pulp Fiction is actually a cover of an old Middle-Eastern folk song (there's even a recording of it from the 1920s with surprisingly good sound quality). Cool, huh