Chapter Nine: The Final Stretch

Beauchat and the remaining soldiers had reached the river, though Puss and friends were long gone at this point.

"So this is the fabled River of Jordan," he said, underwhelmed at how shallow and narrow it was, "décevant."

"Should we cross it, sir," asked one of the soldiers.

"Of course," replied Beauchat, "we have to get to the Grail after all."

Beauchat rode his horse across the shallow stream and was quickly followed by his compatriots.

As his horse waded through, Beauchat felt the current suddenly get stronger. Acting on instinct, Beauchat spurred his horse on, rushing to the river bank. Some of the soldiers, also feeling an unusual increase in water speed, followed suit.

Whoosh!

Almost the instant Beauchat and about six soldiers made it out of the river, the rest of the party was washed away by the sudden current, knocking many horses over. Many of the men were pinned underwater by the weight of their horses, drowned in the shallow water as they were washed away.

As the remaining soldiers stood there in shock, Beauchat said "Snap out of it. We aren't getting there any faster." Beauchat knew deep down that something wasn't right, as if something beyond his control was beginning to interfere. But Beauchat never was the superstitious type. Instead of "potential wrath of God", he ruled it as a "weird freak accident."

"What now," asked a soldier who was still processing the sudden death of about a dozen of his comrades.

"I've already said it," replied Beauchat as he turned his horse, "we keep going."

—-

"A few more miles south," said Aladdin as Puss, Kitty and Brother Carlos followed him between the limestone formations, "The monastery is on the other side of this canyon." It was eerily peaceful between the oppressive natural structures that towered over them, with sharp, jagged edges. Puss and Kitty had this feeling that an otherworldly presence was watching them.

"This place gives me the creeps," said Kitty, "I feel like we're being watched."

"It's not Beauchat," said Puss, "or Sir Mordred, if he's even alive anymore. But I agree. Someone, or something is here with us."

Just then, Aladdin screamed.

"Ahhg!"

"What is it," asked Puss as he drew his sword.

"Never mind," said Aladdin, embarrassed.

Puss, Kitty and the monk looked ahead and noticed a rather grotesque carving of Satan on the side of one of the rocks. The statue had fearsome horns protruding from a humanoid head, with a pointy nose, slanted eyes and sharp teeth forming a sinister grin. The body looked thin, almost emaciated, with the wings and tail of a dragon along with claw-like hands and feet. Below the stone Prince of Darkness was an inscription in a language unfamiliar to Puss, Kitty or even Aladdin.

"It's Aramaic," said Brother Carlos, "the language spoken at the time of Christ."

"Can you translate it," asked Kitty.

"Of course I can," said Brother Carlos as he opened one of his books, "just give me a moment, it's been awhile."

The monk flipped through the pages, and after a moment or two of looking back and forth from the book and the statue, he deciphered the message.

"Well, in English, it says," Brother Carlos continued, "I am the origin of all evil, Lucifer the Lord of Lies. I warn you this, pilgrim, an unrighteous soul may never drink from the cup of life. Lest you care to spend eternity with me from then on."

Puss felt his heart sink. He knew he was never a fully righteous soul, but found the prospect of imminent damnation quite terrifying. Though he tried not to show it, Kitty could see the look of fear on his face.

"You aren't alright," said Kitty, "are you?"

"No, I'm fine," lied Puss, "Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death! Hah!"

"Are you sure you're ok," asked Kitty, concernedly, "Because this isn't just death we're talking about."

"Please," said Puss with his classic bravado, "in a couple of weeks, this Satan guy could be my bitch!"

"Puss," said Brother Carlos, "please drop the facade, we can all see through it. We're all scared right now, you can admit it."

"I don't know fear," said Puss, already starting to crack, "I gamble with my life all the fucking time. Hell doesn't scare me! Heh, nothing…" he began to shake, "scares me…. Jesus H. Christ! I want to go home now! I like having multiple lives so I don't have to worry about this shit!"

"Puss," said Kitty, coming up, attempting to comfort him, "it's alright. I feel the same way. But come on Puss," she continued, "you really aren't as evil as you think you are."

"Not my takeaway from the boat ride to Beirut," replied Puss, "I've repeatedly hurt one of the few people in my life I actually care about."

"True," said Kitty, "but you do keep coming back and I always enjoy it."

"So," said Puss, "we're just two horny, extremely attractive gatos."

"Get your head out of the gutter," said Kitty, "Look Puss, you saved San Ricardo, after they all turned on you. You still trusted me after I betrayed you. And all of your other adventures, selfish or not, you've done so much good."

"I'm still a selfish bastard," said Puss.

"Let he who is free from sin cast the first stone," said Brother Carlos, "you'd do well to remember that. And we'll worry about that when we get to the grail."

"Yeah," said Aladdin, "Sorry to interrupt this little existential crisis, but we need to move."

"Great idea," replied the monk, "come on gatos, let's go."
—-

"How do you think I should get the Grail," asked Beauchat to a soldier, "should I have team Puss caught and killed before they make it there," the soldier contemplated his answer, as well as the worth of this mission, "or should I wait till they get it then take it from Puss's orange-cheeto dust colored paws myself after the fact?"

"I'm not sure," replied the soldier.

"Allez," said Beauchat as he fiddled with a crossbow, "you have to at least have some sort of opinion on the matter."

"I'm not trained to ask questions," he responded.

"You have to at least have some thoughts," said Beauchat, not caring as he pointed the crossbow at the soldier. "What's your name, by the way?"

"Uh, Marvin," replied the soldier.

"Bien Marvin," said Beauchat as raised the crossbow, "you really need to…"

Whoosh! Crack! Oof!

"Oops," said Beauchat as Marvin fell off his horse dead with a crossbow bolt between his eyes. "I just shot Marvin in the face."

The five remaining soldiers slowed down, with expressions of shock on their faces, not wanting to suffer the same fate as poor Marvin.

"Quoi," asked Beauchat, before remembering the ghastly accident that he just caused, "Oh ça. Yeah, Marvin died serving his king, blah blah blah, move your asses so we can get to the Grail."

—-

Puss thought long and hard about his life as he rode the rest of the way through the canyon. He was not someone who feared death, so this was really out of character for him. For one time since his childhood, he didn't feel like a fearless hero.

"Dio," he prayed silently in his head, "Dios Padre, it is me, Puss In Boots. I know I don't talk to you as much as I should, but I can't help but wonder, am I at least a decent person?"

"I've done many things," he continued, "some good and some bad. I still remember San Ricardo like it was yesterday, but I also know that I lie, cheat, steal, sleep around and kill on a regular basis. I don't want your Grail if I'm not worthy. Please forgive me for all my sins if you aren't too busy."

"What are you thinking about," said Kitty to Puss, causing him to jump a little.

"Reeow!" Puss screamed, startled.

"Jesus Puss," said Kitty, "take it easy."

"What, huh," Puss collected himself, "lo siento, I was just lost in thought."

"You want to talk about it," asked Kitty.

"No," replied Puss, "I'm fine." Puss however, was not fine. But since he was not one who liked to show vulnerability, he did not care to mention it.

"You know," said Kitty, trying to reassure him, "I was pretty worried when I saw the statue."

"That makes one of us," said Puss, trying to deflect her fears. "I don't fear death." Puss of course, did not notice the hooded wolf standing on top of on of the cliffs.

"When will you learn, Gato," asked the wolf to himself.

"Puss, Kitty, Brother," said Aladdin, "we're here."

Puss and Kitty looked ahead and saw the monastery standing on top of a hill in a big, open area of desert. The Romanesque limestone structure still stood mighty, even as the walls and some of the towers were crumbling. It looked more like a fortress than a church to the travelers.

"Well,"said Brother Carlos, "we're here. Might as well go in."

"Aye aye, Padre," said Puss as the four companions rode their way to the entrance.