Author's Note: Hey guys, so, I'm feeling a little enthusiastic about my return to fanfics and decided to do a two for one. Like I have said before, I really like Puss In Boots 2, and want to do more Puss In Boots stories, so I thought I'd do another one that's focused on Puss, this time in an Indiana Jones-style adventure. For context, this takes place between Puss In Boots (2011) and Shrek 2. Enjoy the show!
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Chapter One: The Pagan Temple
Puss In Boots made his way through the forest, hacking the brush away with his sword. He knew that in these woods, just a few miles south was an abandoned temple that housed a miniature statue of an old god nobody believed in anymore. According to his buyer in Cordoba, it was worth at least a million shillings, which was more than enough reasons for him to be out there.
Puss was never one who needed company, as he's always had terrible luck with friends, be it Humpty Dumpty, the Barcelona Gang, or his roommate turned rival Emile Beauchat. Each time he placed his faith in someone, the trust was broken. At least, most of the time.
Puss was prepared to do some heavy lifting on this one, so over his cape, he lugged a rather large, empty backpack, big enough to hold the idol, along with some emergency rations. As he had a map, Puss felt a guide was unnecessary, as there were too many con-artists in this region.
Just then, the cat heard the sound of rushing water.
"Muy bueno," said Puss to himself. He approached the sound and found a stone statue of a pagan cat god that was covered in vines and moss, sitting next to a shallow stream.
"Let me see those instructions again," thought Puss as he examined the map.
Upstream from the monument to Gativo lies his home. Follow the river against the current until you reach the steps.
"Okay," said Puss to himself, "seems simple enough."
Just then, he sensed someone, or something, was behind him.
Crunch
Footsteps were heard over the dead leaves that covered the forest floor. Big footsteps.
"Here kitty kitty," said the big, booming voice from behind him.
Puss turned around and saw himself face to face with an ogre.
"My name is Puss," said Puss with a paw on his sword, "Kitty is my ex."
"Yeah," said the ogre, "well I don't exactly care."
"What do you want, ogre," asked Puss.
"Dinner," replied the ogre.
"Care for some of my fish crackers," asked Puss teasingly, "it's my Mama Imelda's recipe."
"I actually prefer something," said the ogre, "meatier."
Puss knew exactly what this meant. He never did like ogres, or other large beasts. Ogres were simply big, disgusting, humanoid dogs to him. Luckily for him, this one wasn't too bright.
"Hey ogre," said Puss, "you want to see a magic trick?"
"Oh," said the curious ogre, "dinner and a show? How about that!"
Puss unsheathed his sword and presented it to the ogre. "I am going to make this sword," he pulled his cape over his sword, "disappear." He pulled the cape off, revealing his sword was gone too.
"Where'd it go," asked the ogre.
"Here," said Puss as he snapped it out with his other arm and hurled it at the ogre, piercing his chest. Then Puss leapt onto the ogre and pulled out the sword so he could carve his signature P onto the ogre's neck, killing him.
"I hate ogres," muttered Puss as he stood on top of his enemy's corpse.
Puss then proceeded to the route, trudging through more forest until he reached the steps. He looked uphill and saw the stone temple, poking up above the trees.
"Bueno," said Puss as he began the climb uphill.
Eventually, he made it up to the doorway, a massive stone arch flanked by statues of pagan cat demons. Puss reached into his backpack and pulled out a stick and some matches. Then he lit the torch and entered the temple.
Inside the temple were various creepy statues, overgrown vegetation, and a whole lot of shivered as he navigated through the sea of insects, until he approached the first obstacle.
A forty foot deep chasm divided the hallway. Puss looked for a way across, and saw only a vine. It looked strong enough, so he took the chance.
"Here goes nothing," said Puss as he swung across with relative ease.
"Ha," he laughed, "that was noth.."
Puss was cut off by a spike trap shooting out of the wall, which he dodged without a second thought. Then he calmly walked through the passageway until he reached the idol.
The idol was a beautiful gold statue of the pagan cat god Gativo. It had rubies for eyes and was encrusted with emeralds down the middle. It stood on a small stone perch in the middle of a tiled floor. The chamber walls were decorated with the stone faces of angry demons, perhaps cruising anyone brave enough or foolish enough to come and take it.
"Hm," thought Puss, "looks a little too easy."
Puss stuck his torch into one of the tiles, which sank into the ground and a tiny arrow shot into the torch.
"That's more like it," said Puss as he tossed it aside and carefully stepped his way to the idol, avoiding the tiles that would launch the deadly arrows.
Eventually, Puss made his way to the idol and carefully removed it from its perch. Then Puss breathed a sigh of relief as he proceeded to make his way back.
Crumble
"Maldita sea," cursed Puss, "I should have brought a sand bag!"
With no time to waste, Puss charged his way out of the idol room, narrowly missing the arrows that spewed out behind him and hightailed his way out of the temple, not caring to find out what would happen if he remained inside a moment longer as he saw the temple collapse around him.
Eventually he made his way out, and leapt face first into the sunlit grass with the idol still in hand.
"Haha," he laughed to himself, "the Idol of Gativo is mine!"
"Je ne pense pas," said a familiar voice in response.
Puss looked up and found himself surrounded by angry dogs, and a siamese cat wearing a frilled collar and a beret. The cat's name was Emile Beuchat, treasure hunter and wannabe aristocrat. Puss once shared an apartment with him in Andorra, and worked with him on several jobs until one too many double crosses soured him on the french cat.
""Puss In Boots," said Beuchat in his suave french accent, "once again I have you outwitted and outnumbered."
Puss attempted to reach for his sword, only to hear the growls of the dogs. Puss didn't feel like wasting a life on this prick, so he let it go.
"You might as well give me the idol while you're still alive," said Beuchat, "there's no other way out of this."
"So now you're working with dogs," said Puss disapprovingly as he handed his rival the hard earned reward, "Emile, you are pond scum on your best days."
"Non," replied Beuchat, "I just know how to work with others, especially the lowly types."
"One of these days, Beuchat," said Puss angrily, "I will chop your fucking head off."
"Too bad today is not one of those days," taunted Beuchat as he turned his back on Puss, "now if you excuse me, I have a million shilling deal to make."
As Puss crawled away, keeping his eyes on the dogs, he carefully planned his escape. Beuchat was not one for fair deals.
"Bring me his head," said Beuchat to the dogs casually.
Puss jumped up and ran through the forest, knowing that he was now in another life or death situation.
(Background music: Run Through the Jungle by CCR)
Puss panted as he darted through the tall grass and bushes, with the barking of the dogs getting ever louder and Beuchat's wicked laughter echoing throughout the trees. As angry as he was about losing the idol to Beuchat, being mauled by dogs was far less appealing.
Just then, one of the dogs leapt out at him from behind the thick grass, which Puss reflexively slashed with his sword, keeping the assailant off him.
Puss then decided to climb for the trees, knowing dogs can't climb. He leapt for the nearest birch, claws out, and latched on as the dogs got closer.
"Adios," called out Puss to the dogs as he climbed up.
Puss then darted throughout the branches and swung through the vines Tarzan-style as the vicious dogs chased him below, waiting for Puss to make a mistake and fall into their jaws.
Eventually, Puss noticed a ravine ahead. He knew that this was his best chance at escaping the dogs, but he could just as easily fall to his death. Puss looked down and decided he was better off taking the chance.
He leapt from the tree branch and flew over the chasm, almost making it over the end.
"Shit," muttered Puss as he desperately aimed for the cliff itself, and latched onto it with his claws. Then he carefully climbed his way up, with the dogs barking angrily at him from across the ravine.
Puss eventually made it to the top, turned around, dipped his hat and said, "You have just been outwitted by Puss In Boots!" He may not have gotten the treasure, but he was happy to make it out in one piece.
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Author's Note: So I think I'm gonna stick with the M rating on this. I simply started it like this because I wanted to show off this version of Puss In Boots, do a homage to Raiders of the Lost Ark, and introduce the main antagonist, who, for those of you who haven't seen Raiders, is an expy of Indy's nemesis, Dr. Rene Belloq. Please remember to comment and subscribe to the story!
