Thank you for your lovely reviews! Here's a Cal-centric chapter 17.
Chapter Seventeen:
The room was dimly lit, with a machine beeping steadily away. It was early evening, two days after the surgery, although anyone walking into the room would be forgiven for thinking Ethan had only just been under general anaesthetic. He'd been very apathetic. Guy had inserted a feeding tube as Ethan showed so little interest in eating, and had barely had any struggle from his usually difficult patient. What worried Cal most was Ethan's change in interest in those around him. Whether or not he differentiated his brother, Dylan and Connie from any of the other staff or people around him was something now Cal had to question.
Cal watched, biting his lip, as the hard plastic of the brace was removed at last. Ethan was sedated very slightly, his eyes rolled back to look behind him, although Cal doubted he needed the drug. He didn't seem particularly interested by what was going on.
'Syringe,' Mr Albion said, injecting at the site and drawing a blood sample. Cal had to avert his eyes, although he wasn't quite sure why. 'We're looking good.'
It took longer than Cal had expected to remove the brace and complete the tests, although he was relieved that Mr Albion was being so thorough with his brother. Ethan was surprisingly apathetic about it all. Cal tried to ignore the fact that Ethan likely lacked the competency to understand it at the present. Guy had given Ethan some sort of plastic puzzle to keep stimulating him, which was completely useless, given Ethan had been awake for about one hour in total in the past twenty-four. Cal struggled with the changes in his brother, far more than he was willing to admit, even to himself. Ethan cared about everything, too much, it annoyed Cal. Now, his brother seemed permanently uninterested in pretty much everything aside from sleep. Just weeks ago, Ethan had spoken most days about how much he wanted the brace removed. Now, Cal had to wonder if he'd even notice.
He noticed his own breathing becoming slightly quicker, and bit back a sudden urge to cry. A sudden desire to start running, to get out of the room and out of the cloud of disinfectant smell, took over. 'Just a minute,' he gasped, although it punched him in the stomach that Ethan showed no sign of having taken any interest or notice.
Panic attack. He'd had one or two as a student, primarily when he'd realised he'd been far too casual about an assignment 24 hours before it was due, or when he'd propped himself through his paediatrics placement using copious amounts of energy drinks. Where could he go? He wanted somewhere quiet, somewhere he could let himself collapse for a few seconds.
Breathe. Breathe. Calm down. He could feel his hands shaking so violently they seemed to be vibrating. He found a fire exit point and sank down. He felt the rough texture of the wall against his back through his shirt. The pain spreading up through his ankles from the uncomfortable position was a welcome distraction. He tried to slow his breathing, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Panic attack. That was all. It would be over, it had to be.
What if he wasn't coming back? What if for the rest of his life, Ethan's mind stayed trapped behind the smokescreen, the vacant expression in his eyes permanent? Cal swallowed, knuckling his eyes. He envisioned a life together, Ethan stuck with carers while Cal did the job he knew his brother was born to do, and bit his lip.
When had everything gone so bloody wrong? He kicked the wall, trying to slow his breathing down. He shouldn't have gone to Australia, he shouldn't have left Ethan. What was he thinking, abandoning his brother for months in hospital whilst he went to the other side of the world? A vision of Ethan, alone and frightened, punched him in the stomach. Cal retched.
'Cal?' a voice said, softly. He looked up, feeling nauseous. A hand clapped him gently on the shoulder. 'It's going to be alright,' said the voice, pulling him into a warm set of arms. Cal suddenly sobbed, burrowing into the fabric of a jumper.
Quietly, Dylan let his colleague cry.
